Beavis and Butt-Head (1993–2011): Season 2, Episode 10 - Be All You Can Be - full transcript
An Army Sargent accosts Beavis & Butt-Head and tries to get them to sign up for the armed services. Beavis & Butt-Head's stupid, disrespectful and downright suicidal behavior makes him regret that decision.
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BE ALL
YOU CAN BE
Holy, sarge.
Don't make me scrub the latrine again.
Hey Beavis, you know
what's in Olivia Newton-John?
Gomer's Pyle, get it?
Yeah.
You sending that many
men up against Rambo?
- Well, just don't forget one thing.
- What's that?
A good supplier...
...zip-log bags.
They're ideal for storing meats.
And now, back to "The Deerhunter".
Wow, that was cool!
- Wow! I saw that guy in detention!
- Yeah
He doesn't want to sit up
'cause he's got morning wood.
Rise and shine!
- This is stupid.
- Yeah. And it sucks, too.
- These effects aren't very special.
- Yeah. These effects suck.
If I got a
hat like that,
I could be a lead singer.
I would be cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is stupid.
Yeah,
I like the fire,
but they need some
chicks in tight shorts.
Then it would be cool.
Yeah, with close-ups on the butt.
Yeah.
"You better watch out"
"'Cause I'm a war machine".
"You better watch out".
"'Cause I'm a war machine".
A-ten-hut!
Gentleman.
My name is sergeant Dick Leaky.
Some call me The Rooster.
"Yeah, they come to to snuff the rooster".
- War songs are cool.
- Yeah.
At ease, men.
Why didn't you come on inside?
I like to talk to you about finding your
purpose in life.
- This is our purpose.
- Yeah.
How about something more ambitious
then loitering, boys?
I let you touch my
MX35 grenade launcher.
I said you could touch it
not grab it!
So, you boys know
anyone in the military?
Beavis's dad was in the navy.
Is that right?
Yeah, he was a seaman.
- Yeah.
- Get it?
Nothing funny about the military, boy.
Grab a sit.
There is a short film
I'd like you to see.
OPERATION:
HELPING HAND
In "Operation helping hand"
we use heavy metal
to scare the enemy.
And we did more than just scare 'em.
We kill more people before 7 am,
in some countries kill all day.
There some really satisfying
about doing your job well.
Today's army rocks!
Were looking for a few good
head bangers.
Wow, that was cool!
Yeah, he look like a
lead singer in Pantera.
They don't get 'em.
You idiots!
That's a live grenade!
Are you kids on dope?
That grenade's gonna blow!
Wow, that was cool!
Yeah, that was kinda cool.
Listen up men! Way I see it.
You own me one.
I'll be honest with you. Being in the
United States army is an important job.
And it's not always easy
finding the best people.
Do you know what a quota is?
You mean like 25 cents?
No.
I'm prepared to promise you your
own guns, ammo, grenades and uniforms.
I get you a delayed entry
and I can probably get you
station at Fort Dix.
- Is that anywhere neat fort nuts?
- Yeah.
All you have to do is sign.
And if you decide to don't like
the army, there ways to get out.
So, what did you say boys?
Does this mean that Beavis will
have to shave his butt?
Listen you, maggots, I took
a bullet for Uncle Sam!
And if you dirtbags don't sign this papers,
you gonna take a bullet from me!
This deal sounds pretty good.
You know, free explosives.
Yeah, If you gonna sign up
I guess I will too.
Very good.
Seems you boys are listed by assigning
yourself a rank.
So, which one from you is sign up as
major Woody
and... private Parts?
You little pinkos!
Yes!
This kicks-ass!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Brian Johnson looks
like he's taking a dump.
Yeah, he's constipated, 'cause he is old
Hey Beavis, you think we're on,
like, a highway to hell?
Yeah.
These guys dress cool.
Yeah, they always
wear the same thing.
Yeah.
Hey, we always
wear the same thing.
Yeah.
I had this shirt
on for 6 months.
Yeah, I had this
shirt on for 7 months.
That was cool.
I got his bullets.
What did you get?
That was cool.
- Smoke.
- Yeah, smoke is cool.
- Wow, this video is cool!
- Yeah.
These guys should be on
TV constantly.
What's he sing?
"I'm a drag"?
"I'm a train".
- He sing "mama drag"
- Yeah.
- These guys rock!
- Yeah, they kick butt!
---
BE ALL
YOU CAN BE
Holy, sarge.
Don't make me scrub the latrine again.
Hey Beavis, you know
what's in Olivia Newton-John?
Gomer's Pyle, get it?
Yeah.
You sending that many
men up against Rambo?
- Well, just don't forget one thing.
- What's that?
A good supplier...
...zip-log bags.
They're ideal for storing meats.
And now, back to "The Deerhunter".
Wow, that was cool!
- Wow! I saw that guy in detention!
- Yeah
He doesn't want to sit up
'cause he's got morning wood.
Rise and shine!
- This is stupid.
- Yeah. And it sucks, too.
- These effects aren't very special.
- Yeah. These effects suck.
If I got a
hat like that,
I could be a lead singer.
I would be cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is stupid.
Yeah,
I like the fire,
but they need some
chicks in tight shorts.
Then it would be cool.
Yeah, with close-ups on the butt.
Yeah.
"You better watch out"
"'Cause I'm a war machine".
"You better watch out".
"'Cause I'm a war machine".
A-ten-hut!
Gentleman.
My name is sergeant Dick Leaky.
Some call me The Rooster.
"Yeah, they come to to snuff the rooster".
- War songs are cool.
- Yeah.
At ease, men.
Why didn't you come on inside?
I like to talk to you about finding your
purpose in life.
- This is our purpose.
- Yeah.
How about something more ambitious
then loitering, boys?
I let you touch my
MX35 grenade launcher.
I said you could touch it
not grab it!
So, you boys know
anyone in the military?
Beavis's dad was in the navy.
Is that right?
Yeah, he was a seaman.
- Yeah.
- Get it?
Nothing funny about the military, boy.
Grab a sit.
There is a short film
I'd like you to see.
OPERATION:
HELPING HAND
In "Operation helping hand"
we use heavy metal
to scare the enemy.
And we did more than just scare 'em.
We kill more people before 7 am,
in some countries kill all day.
There some really satisfying
about doing your job well.
Today's army rocks!
Were looking for a few good
head bangers.
Wow, that was cool!
Yeah, he look like a
lead singer in Pantera.
They don't get 'em.
You idiots!
That's a live grenade!
Are you kids on dope?
That grenade's gonna blow!
Wow, that was cool!
Yeah, that was kinda cool.
Listen up men! Way I see it.
You own me one.
I'll be honest with you. Being in the
United States army is an important job.
And it's not always easy
finding the best people.
Do you know what a quota is?
You mean like 25 cents?
No.
I'm prepared to promise you your
own guns, ammo, grenades and uniforms.
I get you a delayed entry
and I can probably get you
station at Fort Dix.
- Is that anywhere neat fort nuts?
- Yeah.
All you have to do is sign.
And if you decide to don't like
the army, there ways to get out.
So, what did you say boys?
Does this mean that Beavis will
have to shave his butt?
Listen you, maggots, I took
a bullet for Uncle Sam!
And if you dirtbags don't sign this papers,
you gonna take a bullet from me!
This deal sounds pretty good.
You know, free explosives.
Yeah, If you gonna sign up
I guess I will too.
Very good.
Seems you boys are listed by assigning
yourself a rank.
So, which one from you is sign up as
major Woody
and... private Parts?
You little pinkos!
Yes!
This kicks-ass!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Brian Johnson looks
like he's taking a dump.
Yeah, he's constipated, 'cause he is old
Hey Beavis, you think we're on,
like, a highway to hell?
Yeah.
These guys dress cool.
Yeah, they always
wear the same thing.
Yeah.
Hey, we always
wear the same thing.
Yeah.
I had this shirt
on for 6 months.
Yeah, I had this
shirt on for 7 months.
That was cool.
I got his bullets.
What did you get?
That was cool.
- Smoke.
- Yeah, smoke is cool.
- Wow, this video is cool!
- Yeah.
These guys should be on
TV constantly.
What's he sing?
"I'm a drag"?
"I'm a train".
- He sing "mama drag"
- Yeah.
- These guys rock!
- Yeah, they kick butt!