Beavis and Butt-Head (1993–2011): Season 1, Episode 2 - Door to Door - full transcript
For a school project, Beavis and Butt-Head go door to door collecting money for the poor.
GIVE BLOOD
"When it comes to psycho killers,
a little medschool is a terrible thing".
Give me your pancreas.
I'll be back for your spleen.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is
'The Intern'
Starts Friday.
- Wow, that looks cool.
- Yeah.
We could go,
if we had some money.
This sucks!
- Look under her butt.
- Yeah.
- That dude fat.
- Yeah.
She's gonna powder his butt.
- Yeah.
- That looks cool.
Wow, that looks cool.
This sucks! Let's watch something cool.
Yes!
"Don't wanna fall in the mud"
"All I wanna do is sell my blood"
What do you think they
pay for, like, a gallon of blood?
Just be cool, dude,
don't take their first offer.
How they, like, get it out, dude?
They give you a big knife,
than your cut your hand and, like,
bleed into a bucket.
That's cool.
They give you a big ol bottle
of mad dog 2020 to drink first.
High test.
And then when your done,
don't forget to stand up really fast.
- If you are lucky, you'll pass out.
- Cool!
Wow, we're gonna be rich.
Happy boys?
We got blood.
And a good thing too?
Wanna buy some?
Now, let me see, is either
of you, boys, are 18 or older?
No.
Okay. Have you been screened in the
last 12 months,
for the diseases of
circulatory system?
No.
Okay, Either of you, boys,
on any kind of medication?
Good enough. Beggars can't be choosers.
That's what I say.
Roll up your sleeves and sit down boys.
- Hey, what about the "mad dog"?
- Yeah, don't we get anything first?
Yep, the enduring
thanks of the community.
Okay. Now, see that baggies fulfilled up.
I'll be on you...
Oh, shoot! I'll be back with
you boys in a minute.
Blood drive.
Tyler?
Where are you calling from?
You can't just...
Of course I say I'm mad.
I bear you 3 children,
See you through big times four times
And you vanish for 15 years.
And after all that time you
called me at work?
How bad you think I missed you?
Well, guess again.
You're the saddest excuse for a...
Oh my gosh! I gotta go.
Come around at nine, Tyler
and wear that mesh undershirt.
Well, boys, I'm awful sorry.
I feel like I left the house
with the cobra in it
Now, let's see.
Appears you fellas are getting up a little,
more than you bargained for.
Tell you what.
Here is a big newton for each of you.
Now, why don't y'all just forget,
about your blood donation for today.
Essentially you looking a little peaked.
What say you two going home and
come back,
when you're feeling a little better?
Thank you boys.
Ooh Baby.
That dude is pitching a tent.
Change it.
Kick-ass!
Yeah. Kick-ass!
Faster than a bullet.
- Hey, I feel, like, killing myself.
- Yeah.
I feel, like, killing you.
They're guilty.
See your in hell, "Rob Halford".
This dude is old.
Mephisto's House of
hot tubs is a great place for a soak,
a choke
or a poke
Bloodbath
You may not get clean, but
you'll never have to wash again.
Starts Friday in a bad
neighbourhood theater near you
Bloodbath, that's sounds cool.
Cool.
Cafeteria food.
Cool snake.
Frog Baseball!
- Snakes are cool.
- Yeah.
I like stuff that's cool.
These guys are cool.
Wow!
Cool!
Grandpa Munster
Wow!
Yes!
- Wow!
- Kick-ass!
"Dave Mustaine" rules!
That was cool.
Fire is cool.
- This sucks, change it.
- No way, check out this chick.
If you sat on her head would it
scratch your butt?
Yeah.
This sucks, change it.
Hey dude. Dude, dude, dude.
Ooh baby.
Dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude.
- Trick photography
- Yeah
- Chainsaw is cool.
- Yeah
I like when they fast up.
Did you see "Scarface"?
That was cool.
Yeah.
When they hit the chainsaw and saw
that dude's arms up.
Yeah, that would be cool.
- These guys are cool.
- Yeah.
"When it comes to psycho killers,
a little medschool is a terrible thing".
Give me your pancreas.
I'll be back for your spleen.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is
'The Intern'
Starts Friday.
- Wow, that looks cool.
- Yeah.
We could go,
if we had some money.
This sucks!
- Look under her butt.
- Yeah.
- That dude fat.
- Yeah.
She's gonna powder his butt.
- Yeah.
- That looks cool.
Wow, that looks cool.
This sucks! Let's watch something cool.
Yes!
"Don't wanna fall in the mud"
"All I wanna do is sell my blood"
What do you think they
pay for, like, a gallon of blood?
Just be cool, dude,
don't take their first offer.
How they, like, get it out, dude?
They give you a big knife,
than your cut your hand and, like,
bleed into a bucket.
That's cool.
They give you a big ol bottle
of mad dog 2020 to drink first.
High test.
And then when your done,
don't forget to stand up really fast.
- If you are lucky, you'll pass out.
- Cool!
Wow, we're gonna be rich.
Happy boys?
We got blood.
And a good thing too?
Wanna buy some?
Now, let me see, is either
of you, boys, are 18 or older?
No.
Okay. Have you been screened in the
last 12 months,
for the diseases of
circulatory system?
No.
Okay, Either of you, boys,
on any kind of medication?
Good enough. Beggars can't be choosers.
That's what I say.
Roll up your sleeves and sit down boys.
- Hey, what about the "mad dog"?
- Yeah, don't we get anything first?
Yep, the enduring
thanks of the community.
Okay. Now, see that baggies fulfilled up.
I'll be on you...
Oh, shoot! I'll be back with
you boys in a minute.
Blood drive.
Tyler?
Where are you calling from?
You can't just...
Of course I say I'm mad.
I bear you 3 children,
See you through big times four times
And you vanish for 15 years.
And after all that time you
called me at work?
How bad you think I missed you?
Well, guess again.
You're the saddest excuse for a...
Oh my gosh! I gotta go.
Come around at nine, Tyler
and wear that mesh undershirt.
Well, boys, I'm awful sorry.
I feel like I left the house
with the cobra in it
Now, let's see.
Appears you fellas are getting up a little,
more than you bargained for.
Tell you what.
Here is a big newton for each of you.
Now, why don't y'all just forget,
about your blood donation for today.
Essentially you looking a little peaked.
What say you two going home and
come back,
when you're feeling a little better?
Thank you boys.
Ooh Baby.
That dude is pitching a tent.
Change it.
Kick-ass!
Yeah. Kick-ass!
Faster than a bullet.
- Hey, I feel, like, killing myself.
- Yeah.
I feel, like, killing you.
They're guilty.
See your in hell, "Rob Halford".
This dude is old.
Mephisto's House of
hot tubs is a great place for a soak,
a choke
or a poke
Bloodbath
You may not get clean, but
you'll never have to wash again.
Starts Friday in a bad
neighbourhood theater near you
Bloodbath, that's sounds cool.
Cool.
Cafeteria food.
Cool snake.
Frog Baseball!
- Snakes are cool.
- Yeah.
I like stuff that's cool.
These guys are cool.
Wow!
Cool!
Grandpa Munster
Wow!
Yes!
- Wow!
- Kick-ass!
"Dave Mustaine" rules!
That was cool.
Fire is cool.
- This sucks, change it.
- No way, check out this chick.
If you sat on her head would it
scratch your butt?
Yeah.
This sucks, change it.
Hey dude. Dude, dude, dude.
Ooh baby.
Dude. Dude, dude, dude, dude.
- Trick photography
- Yeah
- Chainsaw is cool.
- Yeah
I like when they fast up.
Did you see "Scarface"?
That was cool.
Yeah.
When they hit the chainsaw and saw
that dude's arms up.
Yeah, that would be cool.
- These guys are cool.
- Yeah.