Beaver Falls (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript

Flynn's my boyfriend.
You and Spencer?!

Let's get it out in the open,
no more secrets.

Maybe I should just tell her.
"Guess what?

"I'm not even your father!"

Did you fuck Rachael?

No!

Liar!

Looks like Hope's
gone off the reservation.

Who says I'm breaking up with him?

It's a summer fling for you, but for
him, you're his happily ever after.

This is everyone you slept with
last summer? This is everyone?



Yeah. Everyone.

Continue seeing her and I'll tell
her how you were sticking it to

her mother all last summer.

End it!

Marry me.

Don't ruin it for her.

I won't ruin it,
I'm just going to kill him.

Crazy, right?

Crazy.

A little.

We got carried away and now there's
a cake and a dress and a priest.

It's real.

It's really real.

What if everybody's right?
What if I'm just doing this



to fuck with my parents?

Let's face it, we're not...

under normal circumstances,
the marrying kind?

Exactly.

How about we, I dunno...

just, like, leave it to fate?

Toss a coin.

OK.

Here we go.

Heads we do, tails we don't.

Heads.

Oh, fuck it. We're getting married!

What's the worst that can happen?

There is no fucking way
I am letting her marry that man!

Just calm down a minute.

The time for calm has passed.

This is DEFCON 1.
I've got to drop that bomb!

Bobby.

I tell PJ everything you
and Flynn got up to last summer...

No. She'd never speak to me again!

It's a small price to pay
to save our daughter.

This has got nothing to do with
saving our daughter.

One more chance, Pam.
And if it doesn't work...

I swear to God... Boom!

Toga on. Chop, chop.

Sure.

Right.
I'm calling a bathroom convention.

Second the motion.

Motion passed.

Nothing's wrong.

We're your best men.
We know when something's up.

What's the worst thing
that could happen tomorrow?

They announce
a fourth Matrix film...

PJ finds out about Pam.

Yes. To both.
But mainly the Pam thing.

She's going to be
my fuckin' mother-in-law...

I know it's the plot of
your favourite adult movies, Barry

but, come on,
I can't let PJ find out...

Cos she'll realise you've been
lying all summer,

call it all off
and probably never forgive you?

You worry too much, Grasshopper.
Besides, who really knows about it?

Only us. The kids.

Rachael. Mac. Bobby.

And Pam, obviously.

And that's it.

You're sure? That's everyone?

Yeah. That's everyone...

except Hope.

We ran out of conversation.

I need to fill the silence
with something.

Silence is the silent killer.

But Hope isn't the issue here,
right? This is about you.

You've got the heebie-jeebies

and you're looking for
something to worry about.

Trust me. I'm your best, best man.

Equal best, best man.

Yeah.

I'm not drunk.

I'm not in a toga.

What the fuck am I doing?
It's my stag night!

I'm getting married in the morning!

Yeah!

Getting married's easy. It's
everything afterwards that's hard.

I mean, we'll need another plate.

And forks. We don't have any forks.

Why do we need another plate?

For PJ. She's not going to eat
off the floor, is she?

I mean, it's going to be tight,

having four of us in the flat,
but we can shift some stuff around...

That's not going to be necessary.

Look, I agree. The Pot Noodle museum
stays, that's non-negotiable.

I think Flynn means we're not going
to have four people in the flat.

Are you moving out?

He's not. I am.

We're not coming back home, mate.
We're staying here.

But what about our visas?

I mean, I'm not against the idea
of living in America.

Barry. Me and PJ.

I thought we had it all worked out.
I was going to be your carer.

I spent the last year reading
those books and going on courses...

What do you want me to say? This is
my chance to be with somebody.

I've not got the time
you boys have got.

Barry. Where are you going?

Ice.

We need some ice.

He'll be back. And we do need ice.

Evening, fellas.
I just need to ask a few questions.

Hi. Look, I know
my tag got activated,

but I was kidnapped...

OK. Sounds serious. Sounds like
I need to show someone...

my night stick.

Er, yeah. Sorry, dude, you got
the wrong... the wrong bunk.

Good moves, though.

Now the party's started.

OK, so...

this is it.

So, good luck with the, er...

the clothes removal stuff.

You coming in?

No, no, no. It's a hen party,
so it's off-limits to men.

Most men. Men who are... clothed,
and shall remain so.

All right, well...

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, no.

Ladies. I've had some reports
on a disturbance.

Oh, shut up
and show us your night stick!

Oh, my God!

You're amazing!

He's kind of got the moves, huh?

I guess, yeah.

So, Flynn's staying here.

I always said
I was going to look after him

but, well, my visa runs out soon
and I got to thinking, you know.

Everything I want is in America.

In fact, it's standing
right in front of me.

Dressed in a cheerleader costume.

But that's totally irrelevant.

Just, you look nice and smell nice
and say nice things and...

I love you, Kim.

Which is why I want you
to do me the greatest honour...

Kim?

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck.

Fuck it.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

Fuck!

You look like someone
who could use a drink.

I've already got one.

And a stupid, broken, stupid heart...

No. I meant a proper drink.

Come on, ladies!

Let's go!

Get those hands up!

Yeah, I'm getting married!

Guys, come on!
This is the 21st Century.

Stags and hens being separated
is so backwards...

Ah-ha!

No, no! The bride and groom

cannot see each other
before the wedding...

You're here!

Good luck trying to separate them.

Barry not around?

There's a problem with Kim.

What kind of a problem with Kim?

We should probably sort that out.

You know, best man and bridesmaid...

and all that.

Yeah. Let me be clear
about something.

I will be civil to you.

I will dance with you, if necessary.

But best men do not always
sleep with the bridesmaids, OK?

It is not a tradition.

I mean, it is a tradition.
But not this time...

Hey, hi. If you want to talk,
or anything...

I'm around.

Trying to hold onto love is like
trying to hold onto a moon beam.

Or a shadow.

And how do you hold onto a shadow?

You can't.
Unless you have superpowers.

And I don't...

I think you're a superhero.

Yeah?

In fact...

I think you're Iron Man.

Wow, Iron Man.

Wait.

OK.

Wait, this is wrong...

This is so wrong.

Really?

I can't do this...

I can't.

No, cos... I love...

I love Kimberley. Really big love.

Big... Oh, God.

I can't let it go.

I can't...

It's all right, Barry.

We're not going to sleep together.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Then why...? Why did you...?

Because I'm robbing you.

What? No, wait. Wait.

Oh, hello,
shiny, sparkly, glittery...

Whoa!
Is this a real diamond?

Yeah. No! That? It's a fake.

It's made of granite, or something...

Don't take that.
It belongs to my friend.

I have no idea why your girlfriend
wouldn't want to marry you.

You're a real catch!

Wait.

No, wait.

You don't have to steal
my clothes as well.

They're definitely not
worth anything.

Yeah, I know.

But... it's funny.

No, wait!

Bar girl!

Fuck!

Brandon, please roll over.

Fried egg sandwich,
with a smattering of brown sauce.

Welcome to your wedding day.

You're the best
joint best man ever.

Speaking of which...

Sorry. Still no sign of Barry yet.

I can't believe he'd just ditch me.

No. He didn't. He probably just
went out for... you know... a jog.

I'm hungover. I'm not daft.

Yeah. I'll call him again.

No! Fuck it!

You look good in a suit.

Hi. So, what, uh...

What am I doing here?
Couldn't sleep.

So you went for a long, long walk,
all the way back here?

No, silly. I think it's because
I'm having a crisis of conscience.

It's good of you to apologise...

A little voice yapping away saying
I couldn't let PJ marry Flynn,

until she knew the truth
about him and her mom.

I just want to do the right thing.

Well, that's great.

Seriously? I kind of thought
you would freak out...

No. No. You stand up for
what you believe in.

That's what made
this country... quite good.

Oh!

Oh, OK.

Sorry. Excuse me one second.

Where the fuck are you?!

'Seriously, dude, you have to
come and get me!'

I can't, I've got a Hope
problem to deal with.

'I'm the best man!
Fucking come and get me now!'

Co-best man. Fuck, she's heading
towards the girls' bunks!

Red alert, red alert!
Speak to Mac. Don't be late.

And don't forget the fucking ring!

'A-Rab, no, come back!'

Hello?

Whoa, there! Where are you
rushing off to?

I have to go and talk to PJ.
I told you.

At this time?
She's probably not even awake.

You're doing a what? In a where now?

'I'm in my pants
and chained to a bed!'

Let's go for a walk.
You know, find somewhere to chat.

It's her wedding day.
Of course she's awake.

It's PJ. She could probably sleep
through a hurricane. Come on!

Lets grab a coffee.
Yeah, coffee. Coffee, coffee, coffee!

I can't believe
you can't drive, man.

Is that like a gay thing?

Yeah. We're famous for it.

Crazy fucking world!

I appreciate the lift,
anyway, thank you.

Hey, I'm just happy to help.

I mean, Barry and I have had
our differences in the past, but...

I guess it's something I kept
from my spiritual journey.

The importance of
living in a brotopia.

You just can't do it
on your own. You know?

Thank you, thank you.

It's been an emotional day,

even the cake is in tiers!

But seriously, being friends with
someone like Flynn meant a lot.

Taught me a lot.
Opened a lot of doors.

Mac attack!

Yay!

Handcuffs, Barry. Really?

They were for the stag.

Oh, man!

Come on, come on...

Come on... Damn!

Don't suppose
you know how to tie one, do you?

Where the fuck are my best men?

Suppose you'd better
get used to it now.

It's just you and PJ.

Not bad, huh? For off the rack.

Yah... About the dresses...

We get it. Your mom has issues
with this wedding.

I deserve to wear this hideous dress.
I am a hideous person.

Yeah, you know, you do kind of
deserve to wear this dress.

Thanks. He asked me to marry him.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Trouble is, he's really lovely.

Ah, ah! My wedding, OK?
Now, come on, bitches.

Game time!

Should just get one of those
clip-on ones.

Nobody knows the difference.

Bobby.

They don't.

Have you decided
what you're going to do?

I'm going to a wedding, Pam.

Yep. Can't tell the difference.

Nervous, son?

A little, yeah.

I hate these things.
I've thrown up twice already.

Got a bucket here, if you need it.

Right. Cheers.

Where is the best man?

Men. They'll be here.

Probably ran off with the bride!

I'm just kidding. But seriously,
you should check. It happens.

It happens.

Do you really think I'm stupid?

I know you only brought me here
to try and talk me out of
telling PJ the truth.

No, I didn't. This is about
you and me. The way it ended.

It's bugging me.

Sure.

I abandoned you
in the middle of nowhere,

almost got you deported,
and it's just eating you up inside.

I miss you.

I'm still telling PJ.

And you're still not listening to me.

I miss you.

I pretend that I don't
and that everything's OK, but...

I don't want to pretend any more.

I miss you, way more than
I thought I would.

And I don't know what
my life would be like without you.

A-Rab.

I forbid you to use me as
some sort of sexual fantasy.

I hear your voice
in my head every day.

I see your face, and that smile.

And it just reminds me what I lost.
And it's fucking...

killing me.

How long have we got?

Barry. I will get you there.
I promise.

You're such a fucking Maction hero.

I don't know how
we managed without you.

I'm not a hero, Barry.
I'm just an ordinary guy...

with a kick-ass penknife.

All right. I just hit up
the Salvation Army.

Is this all they had?

Yeah, bro, we're in a hurry,
I grabbed the nearest things.

But if you want to go on
a shopping spree, that's your call.

Grab the shoes, grab the shoes!

All right, all right.

Come on!

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Go, go, go!

A-Rab...

Oh, you...

A-Rab...

You...

I missed you so much!

I missed you too, Rachael.

What did you just say to me?

Um... Miss... rachael.

Missrachael.

It's Arabic, it means, er...

you know, let's get busy!

You said her name!

You're an idiot, cos she's never
going to even care about you!

Look, I'm sorry.

You think you can apologise
for this?!

Not for this. For the next bit.

It's nothing personal,

it's just,
I've got to be a best, best man.

Oh, I'm going to hell!

Where have you been?!

Just had some, uh,
wedding stuff to deal with.

Relax, it's all going to be OK.

And there we go...

Perfect.

What about Barry? Where is he?

You've got one best man.
Don't be greedy.

Oh, shit!

What is it? Come on!

Keep going, come on, come on!

We can't, dude.
Look, dude!

Everyone else might buy into

this whole reformed Jake,
spiritual upgrade 2.0...

Barry.

But this is my best friend's
wedding, so quit fucking me around!

Barry, we're out of gas!

Look, I can't fucking miss this.
He'll never forgive me.

Open the fucking door!

Thank you!

Guess I should have told him about

the spare canister
in the trunk, huh?

Mate, this is probably a bad time
to tell you, but Barry has the ring.

Right. Great.

But I'm on it.

Brandon!

Mate, I need your nipple ring.

What? No!

Give it to me.

Best best man.

Hi. What you doing?

Not much. You?

Oh, you know, just getting married.
That sort of thing.

Dad! Oh, Dad.

I'm OK. I'm OK. Eurgh!

Oh, Dad!

Oh, my God!

Bobby! Jesus, Bobby!

Mom!

Man down!

Somebody call an ambulance! Now!

What's happening?

Stop it!
Jesus, what is wrong with you?!

Can't a guy even have a heart attack

without your goddamn tongue
getting in the way?!

Just a bit of heartburn.
Had some bad pizza.

That was scary!

Don't make a fool of yourself.

I'm just getting warmed up.

We both know you're not man enough
to step up and spill it.

Neither are you, and you're the one
that's marrying her.

Dad, you and Mom
have tried everything.
You've got to give it up.

PJ. No!

I've seen the worst of Flynn, OK?
He's seen the worst of me.

I trust him, I love him.
We're getting married.

Dearly beloved...

That's nice, isn't it?

Always gives me
a warm feeling inside.

We are gathered here to join...

Sorry. Go on.

Yes. Um...

Gathered here today.

Thank you. Gathered here today...

to join these two in holy matrimony.

If there is anyone here who knows
why these two should not be wed,

let them speak now,
or forever hold their peace.

He slept with my wife! Her mother!

My wife! That bastard!

Oh, my God!

Wait! This shouldn't be
their wedding. It should be ours.

Rachael, I love you.

And I love you.

I only married Mac because
I knew deep down that

he was a homosexual,
and we'd get back together.

Anybody at all?

Wait! Barry's not here.

He's missing his best friend's
wedding because I'm a complete bitch.

Last chance!

Well, in that case...

Andrew 'Flynn' Spencer,
do you take...

One second.

What are you doing? What's going on?

I can't go through with this
until I've been

completely honest with you.

I know, you're going to die,
I'll be a widow,

yadda, yadda, yadda. Come on.

No, it's not that.

PJ, I slept with your mum.
Last year.

And I know I should have told you
when you asked me,

but I just want it out there
in the open.

No lies, no bullshit. You and me.

Cos I want this to work.
Because I love you.

OK.

So we're OK to continue?

Um, Andrew 'Flynn' Spencer,

do you take
Pamela Jefferson Junior, or 'PJ',

to be your lawful wedded wife?

I do. I really do.

Wait, sorry. Did you just say
you slept with my mom?

Yeah.

My mom? You slept with my mom?!

PJ!

Why would you do this?!

I hadn't met you, I...

No, why would you do this now?
You had weeks and weeks.

Why right here, right now?

When everything is so good,
everything's so perfect.

How could you do this to me?
Who else knows?

Great, good. OK.

Well. It's good to see
it's all out in the open.

Awesome.

Never had a walkout before.
My first one.

Am I too late?

Way too late. It's over.
It's all over.

Aw, man... I'm sorry.

You're devastated!
No, really...

You didn't even show up.
You disappeared with the ring.

It wasn't like that.
What was it like?

Trust me. Barry had
a completely valid reason

for missing the wedding, man.

Go on. What was this
totally valid reason?

I went to a bar. And I got drunk.

That's why you didn't show up?

And I met a woman.
And she took me to a motel room...

but nothing happened! She just...

took off my clothes
and handcuffed me to the bed and...

stole my wallet... and the ring.

I don't have time for this shit.
I should be looking for PJ.

Mate!

PJ!

PJ!

PJ, I know I'm an idiot. I'm sorry.

PJ...

Look, I-I know it sounds bad.

Like we had a problem
and I ran off to a bar

and went to a motel with
the first available woman.

You don't need to explain anything.
But I do.

You and me. Summer thing.

Right.

I'm never going to put this right.

My relationship with PJ's over

and you get to walk away
smelling of roses.

You must be feeling
very happy right now.

Ecstatic!

Hi, Lori. How are you?

'What are you doing, Bobby?'

Just organising
an ethnic awareness event.

It's all very progressive.

'So you're not standing
in a cheap suit, drinking champagne,

'during work hours?'

It's more expensive than it looks.

And why does
your ethnic awareness day

look very much
like a wedding reception?

The cake, the alcohol, the altar.

This breaks so many regulations
I can't even start to list them.

This is a real problem.

This is not a problem.

Oh, and how's that, Bobby?

It's an opportunity.

You know, eight million people
a year go to summer camp.

Best years of their lives.
And then they get older, Lori.

Then they get married, they settle
down. Er... what better setting.

This is hardly the Hamptons.
Who'd want to get married here?

Yeah, well, er...

The happy... couple.

Here we go. Adil and Rachael.

Just married.

Go on.

Tell Lori why you chose Beaver Falls
as the site for your wedding?

What?

What lead you to choose
our little camp?

Bobby...

It was the trees and the lakes.
And-And the falls.

It's was all just so romantic.

A-Rab?

We can't wait to tell everyone
what a great day we've had.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the happy couple!

Pick their brains.

Pam, look after Lori for me.
I'm going to find PJ.

She'll rip your face off
if you get within 12 yards of her.

PJ!

PJ, I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry.

OK, Spencer. We get it.
You're sorry!

You're not, though, are you?

Everything worked out
fine for you, didn't it?

What the hell was that for?!

You got what you wanted. I told her.

Yeah. Not at the fucking altar,
you imbecile!

Not in front of her family
and friends!

I had to. I couldn't let her
marry me off the back of a lie.

Spencer, so noble, so honest.

It's not about that. There's more
I could have said, but I wouldn't.

Yeah, I'm sure there was.

Like the fact you're not her father.

Hey, listen, you...

That's between you and PJ.
And I wouldn't tell her.

It's not my business. This is.

Yeah, my timing was fucking terrible

but I did it
because I care about her.

Why didn't you tell her
about me and Pam?

I left it too late.

You know, I saw her step
out of the bunk in that dress

and she looked happy. She...

She just looked happy. I...

I realised my revenge would hurt
the person I care about the most.

Like Vader at the end of Jedi.

That's not really
what happens in Jedi,

although I heard they made a lot
of changes in the Special Edition.

Yeah.

Listen, don't... Just don't fuck up
your marriage like I did. OK?

I won't.

All right, PJ. Come on out.

She'll have heard you
calling and shouting.

And dollars to doughnuts
she'll have shown up for a look.

Come on, PJ!
I know you're out there.

No.

We wouldn't actually be married,
obviously.

Just cut the cake, do the dance...

Fine. But you can't enjoy it.

I won't.

Not even a little bit.
Not even ironically.

If I think for one second

you are enjoying our fake wedding,
I'm fake divorcing you.

Ah! Well, look what the little
cookie monster had stashed away.

Num, num, num!

Thank you, Thurston.
You always were my favourite.

I told you
I have nothing to say to him.

I know. But it appears
the boy has something to say to you

and, much as it pains me,
I think he means it.

Last summer, I went crazy. I thought
it was my last chance to...

Sleep with everyone?
Including my mom?

Yeah. That was a great speech.

Yeah, if I'd known
you were going to lead with that,

I'd never have given you the floor.

Dad, maybe it's best if you just...

Slap him again?

I was going to say "go" but,
hey, now that you mention it...

What I was trying to say was...
I'm not that person any more.

You are the person
who hid it from me.

Getting married was
a stupid idea anyway.

If anything, I'm being reasonable.

You are. But reasonable people have
their whole lives ahead of them.

They get to screw up and make up
later. We don't have that time.

I can't just fast-forward like that.

And I don't have time
to be reasonable, PJ.

So I'm not leaving
until you agree to marry me.

Fine.

You stay. I'll go.

I'm not leaving you. I'm serious.

You walk away, I'll walk with you.

You go to sleep, I'll be there.
You go to eat, I'll be there.

You think I'm irritating now?

Tip of the iceberg.
Cos I won't let you go.

OK.

Really?

Yeah. If you want it that badly.

Get your friends.

Your best men. The priest.

Down by the lake. Small and simple.

Fifteen minutes.

Fuck it. Ten. You won't regret this.

When me and my friends
first came over here,

all we knew about America
was from the TV and films.

And we kinda knew it wasn't
really going to be like that.

'And we were wrong.
Cos it's better.'

Even so, one thing
I didn't expect to find was love.

And in the words of Robyn Fenty,
AKA Rihanna,

or the production team responsible

for providing her
with her hit songs,

"We found love in a hopeless place."

What happened?

I either did something very good
or very bad.

A place called Beaver Falls.

Aww!

'Bobby says it's where dreams
come true. He actually said that.

'And when I looked into
Rachael's eyes for the first time,

'my dreams came true.

'So raise your glasses for a toast
to the woman I love.

'To my darling wife. Rachael.'

What... the... fuck... is... this?!

Balloons? Banners? Champagne?
What do you think?

It's our wedding reception, silly.

And what a lovely couple they make!

Oh!

Oh, man...

This is a joke, right?

Because two hours ago
he was making out with me.

Until he spluttered
your little name out.

He did what?

We don't need to go into details.

Details! Details!
No, of course not!

Everyone running around
trying to marry everyone else.

I loved her.

And you'll love plenty more.

When I was your age
I wrestled a bear.

Do you think a wife
would have let me go mano-a-mano

with a fucking grizzly?

And you want to know what's really
been going on all summer

at your precious
little Beaver Falls?

It's a moral vacuum.

It's a swamp of deceit,
and narcotics,

and casual sex
and ineffective management.

Help! Can someone please help?!

Oh, my God, Thurston! What happened?

The bad lady hit me.

The bad lady?

Thank you, Thurston.
You always were my favourite.

Don't let her hit me again.

Aw, you poor battered baby.

I didn't. I-I wouldn't do that.
I'm not that kind of person...

No, really, I'm not.

Really I'm not.

Barry... It's back on.

No way.

So you still a best man?

You sure you still want me?

Why?

Because you walked out on
my stag night, got drunk in a bar,

met a woman, got handcuffed
to a bed, lost the fucking ring

and missed my wedding?

It wouldn't be the same without you.

Then let's do this.
Let's get committed.

Get A-Rab, the ushers
and the bridesmaids.

Small and simple, on the island.

Him too.

Sorry, totally zoned out there.
What's happening?

I just think it's time to grow up,
you know. Stop playing games.

I want you back, Kim.

I know. You've been kind of obvious.

Have I?

Oh, cos you didn't push Barry

into admitting all that shit
in front of me?

What can I say?
I believe in the truth.

Kim, the truth is...

you and I
are meant to be together, baby.

You still love me?

I'm not doing this, Jake.

I still care about you
but I care about Barry, too.

Kim.
I don't know what I want.

Come on, Kim. You know this is...

She says she's not doing it.

Barry.

The wedding's back on.

You need to get yourself
down by the lake.

You're not invited.

Wait.
I already missed one wedding.

I'm not going to miss the other.

Actually,
this is really good for us.

We're getting everything
out in the open.

It's time to choose, Kim.
Is it going to be me... or him?

I'm not an option.

I'm out.

Look, I did kiss her

but it was only to stop her
from ruining the wedding.

But then you said my name.

Yeah, and then she freaked out

and then I locked her in
the kitchen like a kidnapper.

You said my name.

Well, yeah. Yeah, I did.

Yeah. I mean, the whole time
I was there I was just...

thinking of you.

That's actually really...

It's a little bit creepy, yeah.

A little bit.

We can work through that.

Wait. Does this mean...?

What does this mean?

For God's sake. Fake it, Pam.

I thought you were good at that?

I wouldn't start throwing
confetti just yet.

She's not coming.

Of course she is.

Of course she's not.
It's the final "fuck you."

Jilted at the altar.

Fuck that. After everything
we've been through?

I got robbed and handcuffed to a bed.
He had to kidnap Hope.

Like it or not,
you're getting married. Come on.

How do we find her then?

I don't know.

I got so excited by the speech I
gave, I didn't really...

Come on.

Oh! Schoolboy error.

You need identify the starter wire.

Then the power wires.

Why are you telling me this?

You know why. We don't want
you to marry Flynn either.

I'm actually 50/50 on it...

Well, I guess I'd better go, huh?
Better for everybody if I do.

Yup. So it's that wire you want.

Well, everybody except Flynn.

I mean, he was sort of sold on
this whole marriage thing...

Which is a total turn around from
last year. He'd given up.

Probably accounts for
why he shagged your mum.

Yeah, I'm sure he was in turmoil.

He tried to kill himself.

He was all fucked up and now
he's not.

And he wants to stay here
with you instead of us,

which is saying something
because we saved his life.

Well, what's left of it.

The point is,
he loves you more than us.

And he loves us loads.
So that's a lot.

I don't understand.

You don't want him to leave,
so why are you saying all this?

Because we also...

Say it.

I can't.

We love him.

Well, we like him. Strongly.

I'm sorry.

We tried.

We really tried.

But, unfortunately...

She's going to marry you anyway.

I tossed a coin.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here, again,

to join these two, possibly,
in Holy Matrimony.

So if anyone here knows why
these two should not be joined...

Excellent.

So, could we just do the "I do's"?

I do.

I do too.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

So...

Enjoy your honeymoon.

Don't talk to any strangers.

Always bet on black.

Don't forget us.

So this is it, then?

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

See you around, boys.

Wait! The best, best man.

Who was it?

You know the answer already.

It was both of us, right?

It was A-Rab.

Bastard!

Bye!

One-in-three marriages end
in divorce. Happy honeymoon!

Bye.

So, about earlier.

That fat boy was lying. I don't
even know why he hates me so much.

Well, he does have a crush on my ex
but that is no excuse for deceit.

Jealousy is a plague, Miss McBride,
and it's blighted me all my life.

Stop mewling and get out of my car.

Fine.

I thought you might want to know
what's been going on at your camp
all summer,

but I guess you're just not
the conversational type.

So maybe you'd want to
read about it instead?

It's a real page turner!

So, just you and me.

Yep.

Which of us is the cool one,

and which of us is
the bumbling, well-meaning sidekick?

To be fair, mate,
I think we're both the sidekick.

Oh.

When I first came here,
I had a dream.

A sexy, co-ed, naked swimming party.

It's not a dream, man. That's
the name of the film that you
tried to get me to watch.

And in order for it to be co-ed,
there have to be women here.

Dreams don't always turn
out the way you planned.

Fuck it.

Is this a Brit thing?

Or can anyone join in?

Mac has something to ask you guys.

No, I don't...

He wants to come
to England with you.

Barry, dear?

Yeah.

Yeah, why not? We need someone
to split the rent with.

And there's plenty
of hot men in England.

Yeah. Exhibit A and B right here!

Hey, and I can tell
everyone that you're dead.

How did I die?

Drowning.

Oh, my God!

Nicely done.

Shit!

Hi, Jake.

No, Jake.

You can't just come crawling
back to me, you know.

I'm not.

What? So, you just happened to sense
that I was getting undressed

and wander over.

I'm not shaking your hand. You're
going to pull me into the water.

No, I'm serious.

No matter how it turned out,

you gave me the summer of my life.

Friends?

Barry, you bastard!

So. All those in favour of
gate-crashing Flynn's honeymoon,

say "Aye."

Aye!