Beaver Falls (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript

So, who started it?

No comment.

No comment.

No comment.

No comment.

No comment.

No comment.

No comment.

Now cut this shit.
Charge us or let us go.

No comment.

'Family values are at the core
of everything we do.



'Aren't they, Bobby.'

Come on, jerkface! Come on...

Sorry we're late!
Sorry! Traffic was awful!

'We're just one big happy family
here. And that includes our staff.

'Hi. My name's Lori McBride,

'and I want to welcome you
to the best summer of your life.

'Come to Beaver Falls!

'Heck, I liked it so much,
I bought the place!'

Hit the lights.

Oh, thank God you boys made it.

I was worried maybe
the brakes on your car had failed,

and you'd plunged to your deaths
down some godforsaken ravine.

OK. Listen up! What does our change
in ownership mean to you?

Nice!



Absolute zip.

I'm still camp director,

and when I say, "Jump,"
you say, "How high?"

Yada yada. Enjoy yourselves,
and try not to get pregnant.

That is all.

Can you see her?

Bobby, Bobby!

I don't see her.

Not a chance, mate.

Hey, I am in with a chance!

We've been emailing each other
a lot, actually.

I Moonpigged her on her birthday
and everything.

Yeah. Is that a euphemism?

Wow. Four syllables.

That has got to be a record for the
pretty boy. Why are you down on me
hooking back up with Kimberley?

We don't want you
wasting your summer again.

I did not waste last summer!

Come on. It was a two-month
wild goose chase,

topped off with
a five-minute pity fuck.

OK. A - it was not a pity fuck.
And B...

There's no way it lasted
five minutes.

Hmmm. Oh...!

Oh, hey, Kimberley. Yeah, we're good.
Yeah, thanks for asking!

Nice beard. Come on, these dweebs
are cramping your style.

Yeah. Completely.

Actually, they're the reason
I never got laid at uni.

Bye. Oh!

And so it begins.

Where the hell are you going?

Out, my love.

Bobby, there are a million and one
things to do before tomorrow.

I know. Here's a radical thought -
why don't you do 'em?

If you screw this up with Lori,
I will never forgive you.

Are you scared of her, Pammy?
She's in New York.

And while the cat's away,
the mice will play.

You OK?

Ah. Girl trouble, huh?

Yeah, sorry.
An old flame from last year.

She kind of left me
with severe burns.

Oooh. Ouch.

Yeah, ouch. Yeah, it was ouch.

Very ouch. Seeing her again,

it's like a whole different
type of ouch.

I see. I feel your pain, man.

I was in your exact same position
this time last year with my ex

and I didn't know what to do.
I tell you what - I manned up,

I won her back and it was
the best thing I ever did.

So. Flynn, huh?

Real name? Nickname?

Nickname. As in Errol.

Oh. I wonder why?

Hey, is it because
you like underage girls?

Oh, no, no. It's because you're
a bisexual Nazi sympathiser, right?

Oh, no, what am I saying?

It's because you think
you have a big dick.

Look, I never called myself Flynn.

But if you like, you could give me
an independent assessment.

Hi.

Hey! A-Rab? Wow. What a surprise.

I didn't realise you'd be back.

Well, yeah. Your restraining order
expired, so here I am.

You look good.

Thank you. That's very lovely
of you to say.

You... also look good.

Yeah. That sounds really convincing
with a big pause in the middle.

Honestly?
I'm not sure about the beard.

Everyone hates the beard.

Yeah, I mean,
Flynn even put a bounty on it.

£50 to the person that
shaves me while I'm sleeping.

How's he doing, by the way?
What's with the cast?

He's lost the arm now.

It's OK,
he's using it as a chat-up line.

He reckons women find men
who've had accidents attractive.

Right.

OK. Uh, I wasn't going to...

I've been thinking about you... a lot.

A-Rab...

Don't. Just let me finish.

I was going to say something
really smart and funny...

A-Rab, please...

but nothing I could think of
was smart or funny enough.

So, I'll just say it straight.
I would really like...

Hey, babe!

Hey! Um...

this is A-Rab,
a friend from last year.

A-Rab. This is Mac, my husband.

H-H-Husband...

Wow...

Congratulations.

So, what do you think?

What do I think?

I think that, um...

you should just lie back
and close your eyes...

and just enjoy yourself.

Well, if you insist.

I wouldn't usually do this
on a first date.

I don't want you getting
the wrong idea about me.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

What, you thought
I was just going to blow you?

Come on, this isn't funny.

Oh, no, believe me, really, it is.

Seriously, I can't swim.
My arm's fucked.

Oh! Why don't you just use
your amazing penis?

What are you doing?

Uh... it's not what it looks like.

So, what is it, then?

Uh...

Angry Birds?

Look. Wait. Arghhh! Fuck.

Kim, please! Argh! Don't go!

I'm deleting it, I promise!
Kim, just...!

Man, talk about crash and burn.

Yeah. Me too.

I am so going to have
a crank tonight.

Sod that.
Kids arrive tomorrow, yeah?

Let's make the most
of our last night of freedom.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here
and get so fucked up

that we don't even remember

what it was
we were depressed about.

Can I come?

So, what's a "crank"?

Crank. Verb. To wank
whilst crying. A misery wank.

An A-Rab special.

Shut up, Barry.

Perfect.

Boys, this is just what we need.

This is going to be amazing.

I don't know what to say.

I didn't tell you about him cos
I thought there was no way they
would be here.

Anyway, there's not much to tell!

It was like kinda off and on,
and way more off than on.

Like, minimum 80% off.

And the 20% on was like 75% arguing.

OK. Rach. Breathe.

You're starting to freak me out.

I've known you since we were 13,

and I've never seen you like this.

I'm starting to get paranoid.

Because he's clearly still hung up on
you, I'm thinking maybe you still...

No! No! It was nothing.

Hey, why don't we stop
looking at this as a bad thing,

and start looking at
it as this great anecdote

to tell to our grand-children?

You know, when we're old, and we've
lived this long happy life together,

we can tell the story about how we
accidentally went on honeymoon

with my ex for two months.

And they will be like, "Ah, Grandpa,
you are the most wonderful man

"for being so understanding
about all of it."

I just...

I just need you to be honest with me.

Cos I don't care
where you've been, what you did.

As long as you love me. OK?

Was that a Backstreet Boys lyric?

Damn. I hate it when that happens.

Hey. Where are you going?

I'm going to go see him.

Why? No, no, what for?

It'll make me feel better.

Yeah, yeah, but you have all
summer to feel better!

Yeah, but this is private,
and the kids arrive tomorrow

and it's going to get a whole lot
tougher to get any privacy.

Exactly! The kids arrive tomorrow.

And we are meant to
be on our honeymoon.

Just give me
ten minutes to talk to him.

Oh, he's gone out.

Hope?!

You scared the crap out of us.

How long have you been there?

Ooh, a while,
you guys are really sweet together.

Uh, thanks.

Oh, um, I heard the Brits talking

and they've gone to a bar
to drown their sorrows.

I know where they've
gone so I can take you.

No.

Yeah.

Great, let's go!

You know what's great about this?
This is real.

This is the America we missed out on
last year

cos we never left that bloody camp,

Because we were wasting our time
with bloody girls.

This year is going to be different,
we're going to travel.

You, me and the monkey.
Like it should be.

How'd you like them apples?

She's all I've ever dreamt of, you
know, and I totally fucked it.

Well, son,
I ain't pretending to be no expert,

but seems to me
this is about feminism.

So how comes you got a nice,
little picture of her titties,

and she ain't got shit?

Yeah.

What happened to me?
I used to be cool.

Now I'm just pouncing on nerds.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Oh, Barry!

See? See what I'm working with?

Is that?

Yes.

Oh my god, that's amazing.

He actually sent you
a photo of his cock as an apology.

I am liking this guy more
with every move, I've got to say.

Oh come on, it's more original
than flowers, right?

Why can't he just be normal?

Cos if he was just like the others,

then he would be just
like the others.

Hey, if you guys see Bobby
can you cover for us?

Apparently,
we're going to find the Brits.

Ooh! Can we come?

What? You need to talk to him,
I want to meet him.

What are we waiting for?

No, PJ...

Come on. Come on.

I mean, getting married at our age?
That's just weird.

What's he got that I haven't got?

Maybe he's fun?

I'm fun! Look around, man.
Look around! This is my idea!

And this is fun!

I'm the fun, fucking machine.

- He's going to get naked, isn't he?
- Oh, yeah.

Shit! Quick - hide.

You ain't going to see
much from down there, boys.

Lori?!

What a surprise! I had no idea...

I usually find turning up
unannounced works best

if I want to see
how my business's really work.

Do you mind
if we take a look around?

It is almost midnight.

Where's Bobby?

Hello, Boo-boo.

Hello, Yogi Bear.

You want to come zip me in?

Ah, with pleasure.

Come on.

The mind literally boggles.

Shit. Who invited her?

Shit.

Yep. Knew it'd work.

Used the worm as bait,
and now it's time to reel her in.

Hi.

Doesn't the lodge look beautiful
all lit up? So romantic.

Tell me, how are those cost reports
I asked for coming along?

You know, Bobby and I got
married on this very spot.

Really?

Yeah.

Gee, Pam, I'd love you to not
show me the photos of that?

But instead show me the cost report.

You know, the one I keep asking for?

I'm afraid that's
more of a Bobby question.

So... are we good?

Oh, my God, he's the penis guy...

Uh?

Funny, isn't it? You see a penis,
you imagine a face.

Sorry, you are...?

Big fans of your work.

- What are you even doing here?
- That's not very friendly, is it?

I can't believe you told them.

That was supposed to be private!

Yeah. Well, so are my tits. Didn't
stop you from taking a picture.

Well, let's see how you like it then.

Excuse me, gents?
Who would like to see...?

Hey, you said you deleted it!

You know what, Barry?

I didn't come here to argue.

Kim!

You know why you got married?
Cos you're boring.

Oh yeah,
because you are such a party guy.

Hope, can you please,
leave us alone, this is private!

Oh, sorry, I was just...

Jeez, Rach, stop being such a bitch.

Hey, no, no, no you do not talk
to my wife like that!

I don't want to talk to you anyway!

I was having fun
before you showed up!

Know what?

You're boring.

And you're boring! And you're...

very pretty.

Oh, thank you!

Got an unnaturally small penis
myself, truth be told.

Yeah?

A-ha. Tiny, little thing.

In high school, they used to
call me Chip.

Chip Millidick.

Worst time of my...

OK, Barry. Take two.

Hey, missy, you mind fucking off?

You're interrupting a moment here.

Sorry, who are you?

This is Chip.

Don't call me Chip.

Don't ever call me Chip.

Sorry, I thought...

Well, you thought wrong, son.

This the bitch
causing the heartache?

Ooh, now that's not...

- What did you call me?
- I called you a bitch, bitch.

- Hey, you probably shouldn't...
- You're a fucking moron, Chip.

Ah. I think we've established
he doesn't like being called Chip.

You're lucky, missy,
cos I don't hit women.

So I'm going
to punch your boyfriend.

Just try it.

Shit! The guy's got back up.

Lookie, a one armed Jonas Brother!

Boys?

A-Rab!

Mate, wherever you are,
we could do with a hand.

Your move, Bieber.

All right. Wooo!

Yeah! Let's get this party started!

When I say Tuna, you say Town!

Tuna!

Town!

Don't you touch my husband!

You can thank me later.

Again that's more of a Bobby
question.

Ah, what a surprise.

Well, here's one you might be
able to deal with.

What exactly do you do here, Pam?

No? No? OK, here's another.

Where the hell is your husband?

Like I said, his prayer meeting
sometimes runs over.

What are you doing here?

It was just some peanuts...

You lot were doing all the kicking
and the punching.

Oh, God, what have I done?

Chip. Please, don't die.

Chip!
I didn't know you were allergic.

Don't... call me... Chip.

Police, nobody move!
Hands where I can see them!

OK, seriously,
you can put me down now.

Get off me! Get off me, pig!
I know my rights, man.

I want my phone call!
Give me my phone call!

Right, who's been arrested before?

No, OK, look we're fine
so long as nobody talks, OK?

It's our word against theirs.

Hold on, are you saying you've
been arrested before?

Jeez, Dad, spare me the lecture.

Dad?

So, who started it?

No comment.

No comment.

No comment.

Who started it, Barry?

Umm...

This loyalty you're showing?
It's touching.

Shame your friends ain't
returning the favour.

No comment.

No comment.

You some kind of transvestite, son?

No comment.

Sequins turn you on?

No comment.

See, Adil's telling us
it was you that started it, Barry.

He wouldn't.

Wouldn't he?

How you going to get with her
if you're in jail, huh?

No comment.

She's not going to wait for you.

Nah, some other guy's going to be
slipping it to her.

Again and again and again,

oh, God, right there, do me, do me,

do me in every conceivable position.

Adil Hussain, it was Adil Hussain,
just like you said.

Excuse me? Officer?

Officer!

Um, hi...

here's the thing.

I was really drunk earlier
and I'm sobering up now.

But I was thinking that what
happened tonight

might have been slightly
different from what I said before.

Oh, you mean when you rolled over,
ratted your friend out?

Is there any way that we could
maybe erase the tape

and do a take two?

Oh no, wait!

Have you slept with my daughter?

No.

Good. Cos I'm going
to say this once only.

Last summer you screwed my wife,

but you won't be soiling any
member of my family this year.

And as far as
my daughter is concerned,

Old Testament rules apply.

You look at her, you lose an eye.

You lay a finger on her,
you lose a hand.

And you sleep with her?

I get to fulfil an ambition of mine.

Understand?

OK, I've had an hour's sleep so
if we could just skip the lecture?

Lori showed up last night.

OK. And?

And? The camp was in chaos.

- Look if she wants to come
down to my camp...
- Her camp.

Swinging her dick around,
fine, let her.

Cos I will not be
intimidated by that dick.

I will look it in the eye and say,

"You know what you
spent your money on, Lori?

"Me. I'm the talent.
I'm Beaver Falls."

I'll dazzle her
with the Old Bobby Magic.

Her words, remember? Not mine.

Oh!

The tag allows us
to monitor you at all times by GPS.

You stray more than
a mile from camp, it goes off.

You'll be subject to random
drug tests, and a curfew.

Break any of these conditions,
and you will go to county jail.

Sign here.

Hold on a minute, am I the only
one getting charged with anything?

Goddammit, who talked?

I mean, this is bullshit.

We went out on a limb for them.

The only reason they're back
is cos we gave them references.

And where are they?

Lori! Great to see you!
Have you had your hair done?

You look lovely.

Bobby, where have you been?
Oh, you smell like a brewery.

I am so looking forward to today.

We're going to have a great time.
Shall we?

Yes! Isn't this exciting?
We're all back at Beaver Falls!

YES!

Thurston. Seriously. Volume, yeah?

Some of us have got hangovers.

Look at the state of that.
What the hell happened to you?

What?

Oh, yeah, I'm a...
I'm goth now.

Yeah? What does that involve?

Oh, you know, loads of...

dark shit.

Dark, fucked up shit.

So, who's the new kid?

He's Mau-reece and she's Clarissa.
And guess whose sister she is?

It ain't funny. This shit is wack.

Oh, stop talking in that
ridiculous way, Hillary.

I told you, don't call me that.

You're just trying
to impress your friends.

Hillary? Your real name's Hillary?

Hey. On your side, sister.

I really admire the stand
you're making. Refusing to conform.

In your face, Beaver Falls.

Is he always like this? You know,
raging against the machine?

Yep. Unless the machine's
a donut maker.

Jake's here to see you.

Jake! Great! You'll love Jake.

The best counsellor ever.

Bobby! Oh, God,
is it ever good to see you?

Come here, big guy.

Oh. Yes.

Pammy! Come here, you!

Oh!

God, it is so good to be back.

Yeah. Jake, this is Lori McBride.

Hey. Absolute pleasure.

Yeah, you feel that?

Making that connection.

Jake, maybe we can talk later?

Yeah, yeah, no, that's totally cool.

I just came by to check
that, you know, we were...

copacetic? Didn't want you
panicking. About my meltdown.

Yeah, cos I realised there was
some mild violence and everything.

But since last summer, I've been
to therapy and I am making

great big steps. I've got
all these ideas for the summer.

You know, maybe a drumming circle
out in the woods?

Like, a shamanic thing?

Oh, yeah, great.

Owww! Grrr!

No, just stop! STOP!

Argh!

What did you glue them with?

I don't know. I was drunk.

Look at the state of me.

I know you can't go far
with the tag,

but at least you get to hang out
with us more!

So it's not that bad.

No. Apart from the curfew.
And the drug tests.

And the three grand it's cost me,

which basically means my summer's
fucked, yeah, you're right...

it's not that bad!

Fuck's sake, Maurice!
What are you doing?

It's Maur-reece.

I don't care! Why are you filming?

In case Michael Moore wants to make
a documentary about us.

In our struggle for justice.

We'll fight all the way
to the Supreme Court if we have to.

Fight what?

The racist police conspiracy.

Dude, stop conspiracising!

It ever occur to you that maybe
someone just ratted him out?

Like who?

I don't know.
Who would want to screw him over?

Mac. I bet it was fucking Mac!

We got married here, too,
right over there on the island.

Was one of the happiest days
of our...

Lives. Yes. I heard.

Boo-boo! Hey, Boo-boo, it's Yogi.
Over here!

Bobby, is that woman talking to you?

Bobby!

Nah, I don't think so.

I found your watch!

We're a little busy here now.

Sorry, who is this?

It's a cleaner.
One of our cleaners.

You son of a bitch. Come back!

OW!

You OK? Hey. Come on.

That's right -
take your grandma back to the farm!

Lads, do us a favour
and fuck off, eh?

We don't schedule the first day.
It works better that way.

All right. Come on faster, Thurston.

More lube?

It's important for the campers to
really bond with their counsellor.

Each bunk has its own little
initiations. All good clean fun.

Ah, the laughter
of happy campers.

Laughter never fails
to raise the human spirit.

Oh, my God. That is literally
the ugliest thing I ever saw!

Give me that.

What the hell is this?

Well, I believe that's a penis.

A...a male penis. Only smaller.

Eh, leave this with me, Lori.

Girls, whose penis is this, please?

Who does this penis belong to?

Him, there.

Barry! Is this your penis?

Where'd you get that from?

Well, answer me, damn it.

How did these girls
get their hands on your penis?

Bobby, it's my fault.
I left my phone lying around.

No. Blame me. I sent the picture.

See, I think what happened was,
Barry was in this bar

called Tuna Town Roadhouse. And...

OK, I think we've heard enough!

We will discuss this later to save
your blushes in a private setting.

Shall we continue, Lori?

You'll have to excuse him.
He's British.

Oh, hey, A-Rab! Over here!

How's the hangover?

Uh, not good.

I'm currently at the corner
of Nausea Drive and Shame Boulevard.

That's so funny. Like an address.

Uh, so I was wondering
if I can ask you something?

Did you mean it last night
when you said I was pretty?

I said that?

Well, no, I mean,
I don't remember saying it.

But doesn't mean it wasn't true.

So, where were you going?

I was going to go find the bastard
who gave me this.

Oh, good. Cos I think it sucks.

You getting the blame
for everything.

I mean, everyone was fighting,
not just you.

In fact, you actually did less
fighting than everyone else

cos you got hit
and you just fell over right away.

So, who do you think it was?

It was Mac.

Really? Mac? But he seems so nice.

Yeah. But apparently he's
the sort of wanker...

OK, I am not going to stand here and
listen to you spread shit about Mac.

Oh, my God, were you eavesdropping?

Don't you dare! And you!

I am sorry
if you still have feelings for me.

But that is not Mac's fault.

And I'm sorry that
you have that ankle tag.

But that is also not Mac's fault.

And how do you know?

Because it was Barry.

Bollocks.

You don't believe me?

You think that
I'm the kind of person

that would spread that around?

It was your friend that stabbed
you in the back, not my husband.

So why don't you run off and go find
the bastard that gave you that tag,

just like you said
you were going to do.

Oh, my God,
you are such a shit-stirrer.

A-Rab! Hey, A-Rab, wait!

Wait up! A-Rab!

Oh, is your dad around?
I've got his watch.

I'll make sure he gets it.

OK, Flynn, hold up.

There is a... faint possibility that
I may have been wrong about you.

It's possible that you're not
such a total asshole after all.

Is that your idea of a compliment?

Yeah.

I have this condition.

Relentless Wiseass Syndrome.

Basically, my body doesn't produce
the proteins required for sincerity.

Oh, you can smile,
but it's very serious.

There are support groups
and everything.

Wow. Sounds awful.

Why does my dad hate you so much?

Does he?

Yeah. Trust me, he can't stand you.

Maybe it's his daughter's
debilitating illness

has left him all fucked up
and bitter.

If he hates me that much,
then you'll probably want me to go.

So I'll go.

Is that what you want?

- You're forgetting something.
- What?

There. Deleted. Your turn.

You know explorers from, like,
ages ago? When cameras were huge?

And they're climbing up Everest
and they haven't got enough food

to eat and they're drinking
their own piss and stuff?

But still, they're lugging that big
fuck-off camera with them

cos they know
that that is going to be

the greatest moment of their lives.

Well, that's what this is.

Barry, it's a picture of my tits.
Just get rid of it.

Look, I've dated a lot of guys
since last summer.

Oh, all right, no need to rub it in.

Guys who should be perfect for me.
And they bored me shitless.

Cos none of them were like you.

Right.

What does that mean?

It means,
let's start this summer over.

I don't want to argue,
I don't want to get serious.

I just want to have fun.

With you.

How does that sound?

You do know I've never had
a proper girlfriend, right?

I know. And I don't care.

It's just, that you can't

buy a puppy cos it's cute and
does stupid stuff, then complain

when it shits on the carpet.
Do you see what I'm saying?

But you can train a puppy.
So, let me train you.

Let me give you Boyfriend 101.

Hmmmm...

There'll be a practical.

In that case, you may kiss me.

- Wanker!
- Ow!

A-Rab!

It was you!
You fucking grassed on me!

Argh! Can we not do this here?

No, let's do it here.

Let's let her see
what you're really like.

I'm sorry, OK? I was drunk.

And I was tired.

We all were! You didn't even
have the decency to admit it.

I just made a dick of myself
in front of Rachael.

Oh, I get it.
That's what this is about.

No, that is not what this is about.
This is about me and you.

What do I get from you? Seriously?

I'm not your mate, am I? I'm just
a cash machine. I pay for everything.

Your rent, your flight.

And I've always got your back,
and you've never got mine.

You just take and take. I spent
a year working my arse off...

Oh, here we go.

While you sat around wanking...

Not true.

And playing your stupid
computer games like a fucking child.

I'm not sitting around.
I'm caring for Flynn.

He doesn't need a carer yet.

Yeah? How would you know?
You're never there.

You know what?
Using him as an excuse is pathetic.

Do you know what's pathetic? Putting
on a suit and thinking you're it.

At least I get dressed
in the morning.

Oh, look at me with my Blackberry
and my socks that match

and my dead soulless stare!

You're just a waste of skin.

Yeah, that's right, Barry.

If you look upset enough,

you might just get another
pity fuck out of it.

Screw you!

Yeah. Screw me. Screw you. Whatever.

So, are you still having a bad time?

Awful, just awful.

Can I offer you a drink, Lori?

No, thank you.
I have a plane to catch.

Of course. Maybe you'd like
a Beaver Falls t-shirt to take home.

Not really. No.

Oh, hi, Dad. I was just checking
on some emails.

Lori, I'd like
to introduce our daughter.

Pam Junior's just got back
from a year out in Europe.

Broadening the mind, etc.

It's lovely to meet you.
Would you excuse us, please?

Oh, sure, yeah.
I'd just finished anyway.

Thank you, honey. Have a seat, Lori.

So, how do you think today went?

Well, apart from some
minor start-of-summer blips,

all par for the course.

Other than that, all good.

That's interesting, because
I thought it was pathetic.

You have our sincere apologies.

We promise, anything you're unhappy
with we will rectify. Immediately.

If I may, please don't tell me
how to do my job.

I have been here 25 years.
This is my camp.

No, Bobby, it's mine, and the sooner
you wrap your head around that,
the better.

The pair of you have
until the end of this summer.

And if I don't see a big
improvement, you are both fired.

You're right. I took my eye
off the ball.

I apologise.

Please, Lori,
give me another chance.

My mother...

died a few weeks back,

and it hurt.

Grief is a road every man
must travel on his own.

And at his own pace.

But I've walked my road, Lori.

Give me another chance
and I will not let you down.

Good, I'm glad to hear it...

I'll walk you to the car.

OK.

Oh, and Bobby?

I did my due diligence.
Your mother died 12 years ago.

Shit.

Do you think I went too far?

No, I thought you were amazing.

When you had him up against the wall
I was like, "Go, A-Rab, punch him.

"Punch him in the face."

You know why you're worried?

Because you're such a good person.

I think you and me are really alike.

I feel like we connect, don't you?

Uh, yeah.

People hate the pure of heart.
I mean, look at Jesus.

They were horrible to him.

I'm not really religious,
but often when I'm sad,

like when those bitches threw me
out of the sorority,

I think, what would Jesus do?
And it really helps.

You got thrown out of a sorority?

I was bored of it anyway.
Just a bunch of two-faced sluts.

I've grown. As a person.

And if people can't accept that,
then they aren't my friends,
are they?

Wow. You are a great kisser.

I don't think Barry deserves you.

There. I've said it.

'It's all gone wrong, Pammy,'

and now the Brits are back

and they already made me look stupid
in front of Lori.

Bobby, you made yourself
look stupid.

Have you got any idea
what this is like for me?

Smiling, pretending to Lori
that we're the perfect couple?

That we embody those family values
she's so obsessed with?

And every day I have to see
that man who cuckolded me,

and act like I'm OK?

Well, I'm not OK, Pammy!

Last night when I saw PJ with him,
it made me physically sick.

I mean, what if he sleeps with her?

He wouldn't.

Oh, I think he would!

Maybe I should just tell her, huh?

"Oh, honey, don't go there.
Your mother already has.

"Oh, and by the way,
he's not the first.

"In fact, guess what?
I'm not even your father!"

Don't you dare!

She has a right to know
who her father is!

Bobby, look at me. Look at me!

Stop panicking.
We don't need to tell PJ anything.

Not right now.
Concentrate on the camp.

We just need to get the magic back.
Find the old Bobby.

You hate the old Bobby.

No... I don't.

I admire him. His drive.
His attention to detail.

His organisational skills.
His time-keeping.

You said it yourself.
You are Beaver Falls.

Yes?

I want to swap bunks.

Hey, how's the buffet going?
I hear they're serving humble pie.

Mate. This is nuts!
Why are you moving out?

Barry's doing my fucking head in.

You said yourself the summer
was about the three of us.
You, me and the monkey.

It's always been the three
of us, right through uni.

Mate, we're not at uni any more.
We can't just stand still and
pretend we are. I'm growing

as a person, and if you can't accept
that, then you're not my mate.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I got told to report here?

Excellent! Boys, this is Mac.

Well, you'll like him, he's...
he's one of us.

Hi.

I brought marshmallows.

Hi, dude. Come on in. Come on.

Welcome.

A-Rab?

I've found a website. I reckon
I can hack that ankle tag if we...

What?

What's going on?

A-Rab's moved out.

You're kidding me?

Said he'd rather eat his
own shit than be around you.

Ah, great. You're all together!

One big happy family! You know what?

I have a feeling this
is going to be a great summer.

See, I can't fire you.
But I can fuck you around.

And I'm really going to enjoy that.
An awful lot.

See you later, boys.

Today is the day we open
our doors, and our hearts,

to the residents of the
Yuba City Juvenile Detention Center.

Hello, Flynn.

She's not my girlfriend,
we can do what we want.

Remember I said I had a little
surprise for you...

He's your new brother.

I thought you meant a new rabbit.

Come on, bitch. Go faster!

Who the fuck is worse off than me?!

- Flynn. He's dying.
- Flynn is dying?

I just don't want her to know.
So drop it!

I'm going to have to ask you to step
down as camp guidance counsellor.

Did somebody put you up to this?

You know, you two can sort this shit
whenever you want.

This is all his fault.

I should have slapped you.

Get the fuck out. I've had it up
to here with you.