Beaver Falls (2011–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript

You're not alone. Whatever you think.

I like you, Rachel.

Seeing as we shared a bed for 20 years,

you're in no position to
know when someone is faking it.

Barry, I'm a winner. And you are
always going to be a fucking loser.

♪ Give me all the loving that you promised ♪

♪ If our love ♪

♪ Days are suddenly upon us ♪

♪ I want to feel a part of it all I want to look ♪

♪ Into the eyes of strangers ♪

♪ If I fall I need someone to catch me, girl ♪



♪ We can't leave it to the billionaires ♪

♪ Billionaires. ♪

Cover Your Eyes *

♪ Get tight like a drum, like a shark bite ♪

♪ Like a fuck on a cold night ♪

♪ Draw spit from your lips to your fingertips ♪

♪ Catch the crest of the next one ♪

♪ Pluck a "yes" from the cold, thin air ♪

♪ The mathematics of a heart laid bare ♪

♪ I'm burning up all over you Cover your eyes... ♪

Get off!

How are they still sucking face?

It's a miracle they have any lips left.

How are we the only ones
not getting any action?



Cos you're the only ones perving
at girls through binoculars.

Maybe you should get out
there. Join in the fun.

In this weather?

Even Dante would have turned
and fled from such hellish heat.

I don't get it. When they sweat,
they look sexy. When we sweat...

.. we just look sweaty.

I miss A-Rab. We hardly see him any more.

He's always with Rachael.

Yeah, I know.

At least he's happy, right?

Finally.

Blissfully, sickeningly happy.

Moral guardians!

Well, that's what you're supposed
to be, yet here you are sunbathing

whilst one of your kids has
his fingers in the cookie jar.

There's a cookie jar?

I caught him necking.

With a girl!

Smallie, that's awful.

I'm very, very disappointed in you.

Keep an eye on your campers.
That is why you're here. Remember?

And you
- put some sunscreen on, for God's sakes.

Set an example.

I am wearing sunscreen. Ow!

Why didn't you tell me I was burning?

Agh!

She was all up on my shit.

And I was like, "Uh-huh. "

And she was like, "Mm-hm. "

Awesome.

I totally Flynned her.

You Donald Trump, and I'm the apprentice.

The apprentice of love.

All counsellors, emergency
meeting, amphitheatre now.

Ah, yes.

Hello, stranger.

Guys, what can I say?

Best summer ever. I owe you big time.

So, you're officially over the ex?

Congratulations. And
have you shagged Rachael yet?

Barry, even sad, little comments
like that can't bother me today.

That's a no, then. Good. If you
are planning on getting beaky,

I don't suppose you could do it
before midnight, could you?

Hmm.

Oh, what? You guys have
got a sweepstake going?

Who?

Just us.

And the kids.

Brandon's out already.

He had faith in your game.

Yeah, misguided faith.

I know you've got a Jesus-shaped
mountain to climb to get into her pants,

but, just so you know, Rick
Jnr put his money on never,

and you know how smug he'll be if he wins.

Only moments ago, I was...

.. walking along momentarily
struck by how lucky we are

to be surrounded by such natural beauty -

the, er... gentle wind through the trees,

the, er... far-off call
of the blue jay taking flight.

And then beneath, er... my feet...

.. this!

One prophylactic.

Discarded over there on the
ground without a second thought!

Now, I get it. The heat rises.
Passions get inflamed.

I'm not made of stone.

But this is unacceptable!

Although we do commend you
for using contraception.

And there's no better contraception

than willpower and a sense of decency.

This is a summer camp, not
some no-tell motel on Route 56!

So, get a grip and keep it zipped!

Dismissed.

Agh!

Oh, my God, Jake!

You think a lecture will stop them?

It's the hottest day of the year.

Look at them. They can barely wait
to sneak off, strip off and get off.

It's in the air, Bobby.

Well, thankfully, some of us aren't
slaves to our primal urges any more.

Bet that was one of ours.

Jake!

God, it's happened. Everyone's
hooked up except me, even Smallie.

I've been here four weeks
and haven't got off with anyone.

Except Marcy.

Aw, man, the sun's out,
the girls are incredible,

and, quite frankly,
I am way beyond horny.

Way, way beyond.

I'm giving Jizz a run for his
money, if you know what I mean.

Nice!

Remember that conversation about
information I don't need to know?

I've got that last 15 minutes of the
disco thing going on, you know?

Bar's shut, lights about to come
up, everyone else is copping off.

If you want some action, stop
focusing all your attention

on someone who is, A, way out of
your league and, B, has a boyfriend.

Right, if you want to win
the World Cup,

you've got to play
a few qualifiers first.

Well, yeah. Or maybe accept
you're not a World Cup player.

But you can still have fun in the Sunday League.

I don't want to play Sunday League.

Agh!

So, how bad is it?

I'm not gonna lie to you, Barry. It's bad.

Oh, God.

It's absolutely imperative that
you wear a T-shirt at all times.

Or what?

Or you become a laughing stock.

Oi, one of you lot. Get over
here and cream me up, Scotty.

I'm gonna kill 'em.

After I've sued 'em for slander,
you know, cos that is... bullshit.

You'd sue them for libel, not slander.

Slander is spoken defamation,
libel is written or published.

So, if I went around saying, "Barry
is a virgin," that'd be slander,

whereas if writing on my blog,
"Barry is a virgin," would be libel.

"Barry is a virgin. " Slander.

"Barry is a virgin. " Libel.

Relax, it's funny. I did
something similar to someone.

Yeah? You... you play?

Only cos I like torturing them.

That's the only reason to play.

I like not building them toilets
so they wet themselves.

Sometimes I build a room,
wait till one walks in

and then delete all the doors
so they're trapped forever.

All good, sick, twisted fun.

OK, apply three times a
day, stay out of the sun

and, er... try not to piss off
any more fat kids, huh?

♪ When I woke up this afternoon ♪
♪ I knew I felt uneasy... ♪

I'm sorry. I don't know what this is about.

It's OK, honey. You want
me to try that thing you like?

I don't know.

No.

Come on, Flynn. It's
the hottest day of the year.

Everyone's getting some.

♪... Than admit to myself
♪
♪ that you were right... ♪

I'm sorry. This never normally happens.

Never had... performance issues before.

Well, you picked a fine time to start.

It's not you.

It's me.

Of course it's you.

They were... running bets on us?

Yeah.

Oh, so you're cool with that?

Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?

Well, I don't know. I just...
Your beliefs, and stuff.

Is that a problem for you, that I don't?

Well, no, of course not.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I'd chew
my own arm off to sleep with you.

Wow. You Brits really don't get foreplay, do you?

Another new low, getting lectured
on foreplay by a virgin.

Oh!

So, come on. Who bet what?

Er... Barry went for today.

And Rick Jnr went for never.

Oh, that's a shame.

He'd be unbearable if he won, wouldn't he?

I think I need to rent
a water cannon. These kids!

Goddamn dogs on heat.

That used to be us out there running around.

No tops on the boys and
little bras on the girls,

and that feeling that the
summer was never gonna end.

You OK?

Oh. I guess I just miss it,

those days when all we had to
worry about was sex and football.

Marcy!

Get the Park Springs Motel on the phone.

Tell them I want their best room.

Champagne, oysters, flowers. The works.

Bobby, all the rooms are the same -

creaky beds and wallpaper
you can slash your wrists on.

Just do it. Eight o'clock tonight.

Attention, counsellors!

Due to recent events, curfew
will now be moved from 10pm to 8.

Anyone out after the set time will
feel the full force of my wrath.

"You mess with the bull,
people, you feel the horns. "

You can just pay me now.

Come on, A-Rab. You can do it.

Maybe I should give him
some coaching.

You kissed one girl
and now you're the expert?

One more than you, dipshit!

For goodness' sake!

These are specified linear
field of view 114/1,000,

able to detect detail of
galaxies in the night sky.

What they're not for is leering at women,

like some oversexed Chihuahuas.

By the fringe of Bieber!

Houston, we have a problem.

Oh, excuse me. I'm looking for Adil Hussain.

I'm his girlfriend. Saima.

No, never heard of him.

Adil Hussain, anyone?

We know where he is!

Mate, if this is another joke
like the sun cream,

I'm really not in the mood.

It's not a joke. We were just trying to help.

Oi! I told you, no going in my shed.

Qualified IT professionals only.

Get off me!

We appear to have got ourselves
into somewhat of a predicament.

It was his idea.
I assure you it wasn't.

Although I did tie the knot.

It's a bowline.

It took all five of us to get her down.
Almost killed Jizz with her stiletto.

We couldn't let her get to A-Rab.

He's spent this whole time
getting over her.

Saima, I'm gonna take the gag off,

but I want you to promise
not to start shouting at me, OK?

You dim-witted, cockless little...

OK, that was a bad idea.

I think we need a proper grown-up.

I'll get Flynn.

Hey. Kimberley.

What are you doing out here?
Just going to the canteen.

Is that OK with you? Yes. Course. Good.

Well, don't let me stop you. You... you...

get going.

Why are you being weird? Weird?

Not at all. You're being weird.

OK, whatever.

Hey, wait! No, no!

Wait, wait, wait!

What the fuck?

It's not what it looks like.

It looks like you've got a
girl tied to a chair in a shed.

OK, so it is what it looks like. But...

She was stealing. We had to
perform a citizen's arrest.

Oh, really?

What was she stealing? Jewels?

Yeah. Absolutely. You can't.

She's A-Rab's ex-girlfriend
and she'll ruin his life again.

He'll end up crying himself to sleep every
night, thinking we can't hear him.

But we can. We can hear
every single tear.

What he said.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Damn.

I will make sure he never speaks to you
ever again, you pathetic little virgin.

I'm not a virgin...

Rachael.

I need you to be my eyes and ears tonight.

Curfew?

I'm not stupid. I know people
think they can sneak around it.

So, I'm relying on you to report
back to me if you hear anything.

You want me to be a snitch?

You're a good girl, Rachael.

Hey. Where's A-Rab?

How come he's not glued to your face as usual?

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you the only one
allowed to fraternise on camp?

So, Flynn, I'm having a big curfew
party tonight. I presume you'll be there?

I don't think that's such a good idea, Lily.

Bobby's pretty set on having
everyone in bed by eight.

Oh, don't worry. That's the plan.

Well, that's your evening organised, then.

OK, normally you'd have a really annoying
smug grin on your face right now.

Yeah, well, I'm not feeling too smug today.

Really? Don't tell me the camp's
lothario has lost his mojo?

I'm sorry, but did everyone's
favourite Christian just ask me

if I'm having trouble getting it up?

Er... I don't think I did. Why?

Are you telling me you're having...

man problems? God.

It's like talking about sex with my gran.

I can talk about sex.

What? Just because I believe in God
doesn't mean I don't think about it

or have... you know...

The same disgusting, sinful
urges like the rest of us?

Thank you! Yes, of course I do.

Probably more than most people.

Sure you do.

I do.

You know when you're really hungry
and all you can think about is food?

It's kind of like that.

OK, fine.

As you asked...

The last two or three days, I've...

I've not been...

hungry at all.

Maybe you've eaten too much.

Maybe it's more serious than that.

Flynn, this isn't your illness.

Maybe this is just your body's
way of telling you to, you know,

calm it down, find someone
you actually care about.

We need your help, Flynn. Can it wait?

No, absolutely not.

Bunk stuff. I've really got to sort this out.

I don't believe this. We only just
got him to shut up about you.

Haven't you done enough damage?
I never meant to...

We were there. And we were there to pick
him up off the ground. And you were...?

Oh, so this is how it's gonna work? A-Rab's
two idiot friends trying to stop

the wicked ex-girlfriend from having
a proper adult conversation with him?

Pretty much. If you had any
concept of what you did to him,

you wouldn't have come out here.
It's a wasted journey anyway,

cos he's away on a field trip,
not back till tomorrow.

So, er... there's this party later.

There's a girl I wanted to
take, but it's a bit tricky.

Her and booze, not such a good mix.

I assume you know there's also a curfew tonight

and that girl is in charge of policing it.

Yeah, but she's such a rebel I
don't think it's gonna be a problem.

Well, then, you won't mind
if I take a look around camp.

Not at all.
Here, let me show you around.

Get off me! Seriously! Off!

Adil?

Saima.

What the hell are you doing here?

What's going on?

You sent me all those e-mails saying how
much you missed me, wanted to see me.

It's been six weeks. I didn't think...

OK, um... I need to go do this.
I'll still see you tonight, yeah?

So, this girl is, what,
some sort of rebound thing?

No, she's...

"A finer bitch with a nicer pair of titties"?

What? Yeah.

The e-mails took a slightly different
tone after the "I miss you" ones stopped.

Oh, I am gonna smother those kids in their sleep.

I think you should congratulate them on
"Skank-a-zilla, the Queen of Ho-Town".

I quite liked that one.

Saima, why are you here?

You threw this big question at me.

Marriage. I freaked out, Adil.

No, that's why you ran. Why are you here now?

I made a mistake,

and phoning you or sending a text...

it just didn't feel like
that was ever gonna be enough.

Enough for you to forgive
Skank-a-zilla, the Queen of Ho-Town

for making the biggest mistake of her life.

Hey! What?

Oh, you want to borrow this
so you can tie up someone else?

No, I actually wanted to
apologise about the whole...

Kidnapping a girl thing? Yeah.

You probably thought that was a bit weird.

No, Barry.

Talking to yourself is a bit weird. Dressing
up dogs as people is a bit weird.

Having a girl in your
shed bound and gagged?

Well, look, I... I didn't do
the binding or the gagging.

The kids, they wanted to help Rachael and A-Rab,

because Rachael's nice... and,
well, believe me, Saima isn't.

And she's a liar. I mean, that whole thing
that she said about me being a virgin!

What an idiot! It's stupid.

You... you know, it's not even a good insult.

There's... I think there's women here
would have something to say about that.

Who?

A gentleman never tells, Kimberley.
I... I'm actually on my way to see one now.

Really? Yeah.

You should bring her along
to Lily's party tonight.

Yeah, um... I don't know
how much she's into parties.

We... we usually stay in.

Come on, it'd be fun. I'd like to meet her.

Yeah. Fine. Yeah.

We'll... we'll come tonight.

Good to get out. So...

Great!

See you later. Great.

Hey.

Hey. What's up?

Ouch. Stop squirming.

Look, you know how there's
this curfew party later?

Just wondering if you're going.

Don't know. Guess so.

Well, maybe we could...

go together?

Um...

.. yeah, OK.

Might be fun. Great.

Well, I'll... I'll see you later.

There was a time when guys like
that couldn't take their eyes off me.

They'd do themselves injuries
just thinking about me.

And now I'm just... Oh, well,
I know at least one person

who still carries a torch for you.

This was in your office.

Any port in a storm, right?

So, I kind of exaggerated about me and my shawty.

I thought Bobby caught
you making out.

No.

I told her I was homesick.

She was just giving me a hug.

Have you ever even kissed a girl? No.

How do you get there, man?
Just be nice to them.

I don't want to be nice.

I want to be like you, man. I
want to get with hundreds of girls.

Smallie... when I came out
this summer, I had a plan -

to sleep with everything that moved.

See? That's what I'm talking
about. Put it there, dog.

But it was all bullshit.
Hasn't made me happy.

Success has ruined you, man.

Look, right now, who do you think's
having a better time? Me or A-Rab?

Well, the answer's A-Rab.

Cos he got Rachael.

But then he got Saima too. So, he a player now!

No, it's not about Saima.
It's not about being a player.

He's happy cos he found
someone that makes him laugh.

Who makes him feel better
when he's feeling shit.

So, I should find me a Rachael?

Yeah.

Exactly.

You gotta be careful around the perimeters.

Are you listening to me? Sure.

Well, let's run through it once more.

Curfew time? 8pm.

And what's the tolerance level? Zero.

And what do we do with breakers?

Name and shame them.

That's right.

Don't be telling no-one about our talk, right?

All right, boys? What's going on?
Volume control, people.

We're trying to listen here. What's happening?

It's gone quiet.

I hope A-Rab's OK.

You just gotta be alert at all times.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Yeah, that's right, the... the honeymoon suite.

Completely burst?!

Er... listen.

You... you don't actually have
another water bed, do you?

I mean, I really got my heart set on this.

OK, screw this. I gotta
get ready for the P-A-R-TEE.

I don't think you understand...

I, er... party clothes.

We're kind of in the middle of
something at the moment. So,

if you could all do me a favour,

give me and Adil a little bit of
privacy, that'd be lovely.

Ah. Sorry. Ah, where were we? Oh, yes
- the... the Tannoy system...

I'm telling you, best day ever!

Dear God...

What?

What are you doing? I just thought...

That you'd just take your clothes
off and I wouldn't be able to resist

and we'd get back together again?
I'm not a fucking caveman, Saima!

I'm sorry, OK?

I'm sorry. I thought I could just turn
up and you'd be really pleased to see me.

And... I wish I could do
it all again differently.

Come on. It's not that bad.

Really?

And how could it be worse?

Well, you might realise
you're sitting on Barry's bed.

OK, that really is worse.
Thank you. Anything else?

Well, apart from the fact that he hasn't
changed his sheets since we got here, no.

That's about it.

I really missed you.

Yeah.

I missed you too.

Hold down the fort, Marcy!

Come on.

♪ Could it be magic? Come, come on, come on... ♪

Freedom!

Houdini *

♪ Rise above Gonna start a war ♪

♪ What d'you want? What d'you
need? What d'you come here for? ♪

♪ Well an eye for an eye And an F for fight ♪

♪ Taking me down is a prisoner's right ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ooh ooh ooh... ♪

Quick! Get him!

Ah, here she is, Her Holiness.
Have you come to shut us down?

Hey, Lily. Fuck off.

Hey, is A-Rab here?

Er... um...

.. yeah, he is,

by which I... I mean he might be,

maybe more spiritually than physically,

although, you know, what is the body
without the mind and... and vice versa?

Barry, is he here or not? No.

And by no, I mean...

.. no.

That went well!

Excuse me, but this room is occupied.

You all right?

Course.

Why aren't you back at the party?

Some of the girls are organising
a wet-T-shirt contest,

which I imagine is pretty much
your idea of heaven on earth.

Yep, been there, done that, got the
T- shirt. Quite literally sometimes.

Mm. Oh, you're so not the person
I need to talk to right now.

Look, I was here first

so if you want to hide, maybe
you'd better find somewhere else.

What makes you think I'm hiding?

No? See you later, Flynn.

It's not A-Rab's fault.

Saima's his Kryptonite.

She gets to him.

She's just got this way of knowing
exactly how to push his buttons.

Of course you think what he's done is OK?

No, I think he's totally out of order.

I guess I was just trying to cheer you up.

Oh!

I feel so... so stupid.

I really need to work on this
whole cheering-up thing, don't I?

Come on.

You can't cry. Think I've got the
monopoly on being morose around here, uh?

Seriously?

I mean if you'd said Call Of Duty or GTA,

you know, Final Fantasy, sure.

But Pac-Man?
Uh-huh. Think about it.

Trapped in the maze. Forced to
continually consume pills to survive.

Never getting any rest.

And those ghosts that are after him,

the haunted spectre of
previous Pac-Men who died there.

It's an existential commentary
on life. You can't win.

You can only struggle to survive
before joining the ranks of the dead.

Mind officially blown.

Hey! Hey. Hey.

You know Jenny, right? Of course!

I'm his swimming teacher,

which basically involves watching him
flail around in the water half drowning.

I can't swim either. I'm
getting better, though, right?

I've got the doggy paddle down, no problem.

That must be really cute to see.

So, are you enjoying the party? Yeah,
it's all right, I guess. You guys?

Well, I haven't puked in my hair yet
but the night's still young.

Your hair looks really nice. You've
done something different to it, have you?

Um... no.

I washed mine.

Yesterday.

Hey. Come on, babe.
We're opening the next keg.

OK, well, I'll see you later, guys. OK, then!

See... see you! Bye!

So, I'm dry. Do you want
to get me another one?

Er... yeah, beer. That'd be great.

♪ Just like we used to do I'm always walking ♪

♪ After midnight... ♪

You showed.

Wow. Even for you, this is...

.. something.

You're drunk.

Is that my old cheerleading outfit?

It is indeed.

What are those stains? Er... look, er...

why don't you... put it on?

Maybe we can have a bit of fun.

It'll be like we're teenagers again.

Pam,

25 years ago, I thought you were
the most beautiful girl in the world

and I still feel exactly the same.

You said you missed the old times

so I... I thought a little bit
of old-fashioned romance...

You thought wrong.

I don't want flowers or
champagne or pompoms, Bobby.

Oh. I just want sex.

Uncomplicated, meaningless, costume-free sex.

With me? Think you can manage that?

Brush your teeth first.

Thank you

for forgiving me.

You know what?

I'm really glad we took this time
apart and got our heads straight.

Yeah.

Seriously, how don't you have any toothpaste?

Er... personal hygiene is
not the kids' strong point.

Plus we have to keep ours
hidden cos Jizz...

Yeah, there's some in my bag.

Plane tickets?

There's two of them.

You were that certain that I'd give
in, that I'd just come back to you?

I was right, wasn't I?

I keep thinking about her and him.

Both of them together.

Hm. Not sure that's a
mental image I'd cling to.

Maybe it's just sex.

Maybe he needs
to get it out of his system.

And I should be OK with that?

Oh, Flynn.

You know a lot about sex but
you know nothing about love.

Have you ever met someone that
you wanted to see in the morning,

never mind actually talk to or care about?

When I was ten, I had a really
big crush on Britney Spears.

She was kind of hot back then.

You have no idea how I feel.
I know exactly how you feel.

The person you care about is with
somebody else, and it's fucking painful.

Look, A-Rab's my best mate
but he's an idiot.

If he does choose Saima over you,
he'll get everything he deserves.

Cos being with her's pretty much
the worst punishment I can think of.

And even worse, he'll wake up one
morning and realise he's lost you.

That he had a chance to be
with someone who's kind, funny,

and always sees the best in people, no
matter how shitty or grubby they are.

And he blew it.

And he'll kick himself every day

for knowing that he let
someone so lovely slip away.

You really think I'm lovely?

No, I think you're annoying,
preachy and interfering...

I don't think this is...

I'm not leaving tomorrow.

My friends are here. Oh, yeah, your friends!

Barry, who helped kidnap me,

and Flynn, who would drop you
at a moment's notice

if something in a skirt sashayed by.

Barry kidnapped you? No,
the fat children kidnapped me.

Barry just wouldn't let me go.

They locked me in a shed
and tied me to a chair.

It's not funny! They gagged me!

Adil, none of these people matter.

Two weeks, a month, this will
all be ancient history.

So, come on, pack your bags.

OK, fine. Stay here.

Play with Barry and Flynn and Little
Miss Rebound! If she's still speaking to you.

What do you mean?

Well, she was here earlier
with those obese adolescents.

I told them all to get lost because
A- Rab was busy with his girlfriend.

Very busy.

Shit!

You know what? You finally made
me realise I'm not in love with you

Say Aha*

Oo-ooh. Shut up!

♪ Louder than they Louder than they... ♪

Go on. Go on. Go, go, go.

♪ Louder than they allow, allow... ♪

Hey. Hey ya, Amelle.

Um... can we go somewhere private?

Hell, yeah!

♪ Aha, aha... ♪
♪ Oh ho-ho! ♪

♪ At night it's eating up your head... ♪

Um... so...

I just don't want you getting the wrong idea.

I think you're really sweet and all,

but... I just don't go under five feet.

Sorry.

Fine. OK.

♪ Louder than they Louder than they ♪

♪ Louder than they allow, allow... ♪

Oh, my god.

♪ Louder than they allow, allow

♪ Say aha ♪

♪ Aha ♪

♪ Say aha... ♪

Oh, man. She totally just dumped him.

Crash and burn.

We should go along with the charade
just so he doesn't feel too bad.

♪ It's that time I'm picking
up my ass up from the fence ♪

♪ Gonna blow a hole in this
charade It's self-defence... ♪

You want me to stop?

♪ Louder than they Louder than they ♪

♪ Louder than they allow, allow ♪

♪ Louder than they, louder than they ♪

♪ Louder than they allow, allow ♪

♪ Say aha... ♪

Is Rachael in there?

♪ Say aha ♪

♪ Aha... ♪

Jenny?

Jenny?

Oops. Hey, Barry. Hey.

Er... I thought we were at the party together.

Come on. You clearly like Kimberley.

No hard feelings, though.

No.

I mean, I like Call Of Duty,
but, you know, sometimes...

sometimes I like Pac-Man as well.

Sorry, sorry. Just... just one more thing.

If I hadn't been doing the whole pining
thing, would you have slept with me?

Probably.

Hey. Hey, Barry.
Hey, have you seen Rachael?

Ooh, I think she's inside.

No, mate! Mate!

Mate, you might want to bear in mind
that she's quite pissed off with you.

Although, looking on the bright side,

at least one of us got laid
tonight, even if it wasn't...

Barry, you're not helping.

Flynn! What are you doing here?

Mate, I need to find Rachael.

Rachael, I've been looking
everywhere for you.

A- Rab. What do you want?

I know what you're thinking
and I know you saw Saima

and she probably gave you the wrong idea.

Well, it wasn't exactly the wrong
idea. I mean, something did happen.

But it was just sex. I didn't feel anything.

And it made me realise
that I don't want that. Sex.

Well, I do, but just not with
her. With you.

And I know we can't do that.

And, well, I wanted something
more than that anyway.

You know, to get to know each other
and really understand each other.

And I know I've messed it all up
and I've ruined everything.

But I just wanted you to know that.

That more than anything in the world...

.. I want to not have sex with you.

I can't do this.

Look, A-Rab... What the fuck have I done, man?

I had her. I actually had her,
and it was brilliant.

It was perfect.

I've completely screwed it up.

What the fuck am I gonna do?

How the fuck do I fix this?

Fuck. It's gonna be hard, dude.

But if you need some tips with the ladies...

Oh, man, we're not World Cup.
We're not even Sunday League.

We wouldn't get on the bloody pitch.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Shittest party ever.

I really wanted you and Rachael to get together.

But maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Maybe one day... you'll find a finer bitch.

With a nicer pair of titties.

That was... swell.

Yeah.

Thanks.

It's my pleasure.

Bobby, it was just sex, OK?

Nothing's changed.

We're still separated, and I'm still
going to Florida for the winter.

Repeat after me, "It didn't mean anything. "

It didn't mean anything.

Once more with feeling.

Pam, it didn't mean anything.

You get an amazing, invigorating
day out in the woods!

It's good that we're getting on with things.

I don't regret what happened,
Rachael.

You know what? You don't tell me what to do.

Did they have an argument?

You've obviously heard
that I've split up with Jake.

You split with Jake?! There's two guys.

If everything was simple and you
just had to pick one, could you?

D'you at least know where you left
them? I remember... trees.

♪ THE SHOES: Cover Your Eyes ♪

♪ The mathematics of a heart laid bare ♪

♪ I'm burning up, all over you ♪

♪ Cover your eyes ♪

♪ In every bone, you feel it too ♪

♪ Cover your eyes ♪

♪ Get to the point we're getting to ♪

♪ Cover your eyes ♪

♪ Cos my love is a real bright light ♪

♪ You fall at first sight. ♪

Give me a B...

O- B-B-Y.

Give me a
B- O-B-B-Y.

Give me a
B- O-B-B-Y.

B- O-B-B-Y.
B- O-B-B-Y.

B- O-B-B-Y.
B- O-B-B-Y.

B- O-B-B-Y.
B- O-B-B-Y.

B- O-B-B-Y.