Baywatch (1989–2001): Season 7, Episode 12 - Bachelor of the Month - full transcript

Mitch is approached by Molly McCoy, the young editor from 'Flash' magazine, who asks to nominate himself as Bachelor of the Month for her magazine, complete with a photo and video shoot. But Mitch has other things on his hands in helping Newman and Donna try to catch a large Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish that is infesting the area after having stung a swimmer. Meanwhile, Caroline offers to help Stephanie with her wedding plans to Tom by planing a big wedding whereas Stephanie wants to keep things small, where it's revealed that Caroline is trying to channel her frustrations of her life after recently breaking up with Logan.

-[THEME MUSIC]

-♪ SOME PEOPLE STAND
IN THE DARKNESS ♪

♪ AFRAID TO STEP
INTO THE LIGHT ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEED

♪ TO HELP SOMEBODY

♪ WHEN THE EDGE OF
SURRENDER'S IN SIGHT ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WORRY

♪ IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY

♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL BE READY



♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ NEVER YOU FEAR

♪ NO DON'T YOU FEAR

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS ♪

♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY

♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ NEVER YOU FEAR

♪ NO DON'T YOU FEAR

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS



♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE

-[WAVES CRASHING]

-[SEAGULLS CAWING]

-[SOFT ROCK MUSIC]

♪ SEARCHING FOR LOVE I WAS DONE

♪ MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS HOME

♪ SMILING UNDER THE SUN

♪ TOGETHER WE WERE LIKE ONE

♪ THERE WAS NO SPACE IN BETWEEN

♪ DAY BY DAY YOU AND ME

♪ IN YOU I PUT MY TRUST

♪ FELT LIKE FOREVER FOR US

♪ OH OH

♪ I DON'T WANT TO BE APART

♪ AND IT'S GETTING SO HARD

♪ YOUR SO CLOSE BUT SO FAR

♪ YOU KNOW

♪ YOU HOLD A PIECE OF MY HEART

♪ A PIECE OF MY HEART

♪ YOU MADE ME FINALLY FEEL

♪ WE HAD SOMETHING SO REAL

♪ FUTURE WITH YOU I COULD TO SEE

♪ CAUSE IN YOU AND ME I BELIEVED

♪ I FELT SO SAFE IN YOU ARMS

♪ YOU LIT ME UP WITH A SPARK

♪ AND I WAS READY TO START

♪ THEN YOU BROKE MY HEART

♪ OH OH

♪ I DON'T WANT TO BE APART

♪ AND IT'S GETTING SO HARD

♪ YOUR SO CLOSE BUT SO FAR

♪ YOU KNOW

♪ YOU BROKE A PIECE OF MY HEART

♪ YOU BROKE A PIECE OF MY HEART

♪ YOU BROKE A PIECE OF MY HEART

-[SEAGULLS CAWING]
-[WAVES CRASHING]

-[DISTANT CHATTER]

-HI.

-[GRUNTING]

-[WEIGHTS CLANK]
-CAROLINE.

-[SIGHS] YEAH?

-LOOK, I REALIZE YOU HATE ME

AND YOU HAVE EVERY
RIGHT TO DO SO

BUT I THOUGHT SINCE WE'RE
GONNA WORK TOGETHER,

WE SHOULD AT LEAST
CLEAR THE AIR A BIT.

-YOU KNOW WHAT, LOGAN?
I DON'T HATE YOU.

IN A WEIRD TWISTED WAY, I'M
ACTUALLY GRATEFUL TO YOU.

AT LEAST YOU SHOWED
ME WHO YOU WERE

BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED.

PROBABLY SAVED US
BOTH A LOT OF PAIN.

I JUST HOPE YOU AND
NEELY ARE HAPPY TOGETHER,

I MEAN, YOU SHOULD BE.
YOU'RE TWO OF A KIND.

-BEING WITH NEELY,

THAT WAS THE WORST
MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.

-NO IT WASN'T.

IT WAS JUST YOU
BEING YOU, AND I'M

THE ONE WHO MADE A MISTAKE.

I ACTUALLY BELIEVED
THAT YOU LOVED ME.

-I DO LOVE YOU.

-[SOFT ROCK MUSIC]

-HOW YOU DOIN'?

-HELLO?

HELLO?

-EXCUSE ME?

-[GASPS] YOU SCARED ME.

-CAN I HELP YOU?

-I WAS JUST WRITING YOU A NOTE.

YOU'RE MITCH BUCHANNON, RIGHT?

-WELL THAT DEPENDS
ON WHO WANTS TO KNOW.

-MOLLY MCCOY, WEST COAST EDITOR
OF FLASH MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

-FLASH WHAT?

-WELL IT'S KIND OF A
COMBINATION OF COSMO
AND VANITY FAIR.

WE'RE VERY HOT WITH
WOMEN 18 TO 35 RIGHT NOW.

-WHAT? DID I WIN A
SUBSCRIPTION OR SOMETHING?

-NOT QUITE, YOU'VE
BEEN SELECTED AS

THE FLASH BACHELOR OF THE MONTH.

-BACHELOR OF THE MONTH?

IS THIS SOME KINDA JOKE?

-OH, NO, NO, NO.
THIS IS NO JOKE.

-WHERE'D YOU GET MY NAME?

-WELL YOUR PROFILE WAS
SUBMITTED BY ONE OF OUR READERS.

IT WAS A C.J. PARKER
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN.

BUT I COULD DOUBLE
CHECK THAT IF WANT--

-NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO,

THIS HAS GOT C.J.'S NAME
WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.

-LOOK, JUST SO YOU DON'T
GET THE WRONG IDEA MITCH,

WE WON'T BE ASKING
YOU TO DO A CENTERFOLD

OR POSE IN THE NUDE.

-WELL IN THAT CASE,
I'M NOT INTERESTED.

-YOU'RE KIDDING,
AREN'T YOU? [LAUGHS]

-I CAN'T REALLY TALK
ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW OK?

I'M ON DUTY.

-I UNDERSTAND, I HAVE TO
GET TO A MEETING MYSELF.

-[UPBEAT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

-[SPLASHES]

-[BUBBLING]

SO UM, WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS
THIS WHEN WE HAVE MORE TIME?

-HELP!

-I'LL GET YOU MY CARD--
-WOMAN: HELP!

HELP!

-[PANTING]

-BACKUP TOWER 15!

-HELP!
-[PHONE CLANKS]

-[WAVES CRASH]

-[GASPING]
HELP!

-[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

-YOU OK?

-YEAH, STILL MY LEG,
FEELS LIKE IT'S ON FIRE.

-ALL RIGHT, JUST TAKE IT EASY,

WE'LL SIT YOU DOWN RIGHT HERE.

EASY, EASY.

-MITCH! TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

-[GASPING]

-NEWMIE! BRING THE O2!

-[DOOR THUDS]

JUST REST EASY, I GOT YOU.

-WHAT DO WE GOT?

SHE'S IN ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK.

TAKE IT EASY NOW SWEETHEART.
-[AIR HISSING]

OK, TAKE IT EASY, THERE YOU GO.

-[GASPING]

-YOU KNOW, STEPH, I
REALLY HATE TO KEEP

BUGGING YOU LIKE THIS, BUT IF
YOU PLAN ON GETTING MARRIED

ANYTIME IN YOUR FUTURE,
YOU SHOULD SET A DATE.

-CAROLINE--

-I MEAN COME ON, NO, NO, NO.

I WENT TO THE CHURCH. I TALKED
TO THE MINISTER YOU KNOW.

-MMM-HMM.

-HE SAID YOU HAVE
TO RESERVE THE CHAPEL

AT LEAST SIX WEEKS IN ADVANCE,

THAT IS IF TOM STILL WANTS
TO HAVE A CHURCH WEDDING,

WHICH I REALLY HOPE HE DOES.

I MEAN I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD
GO THE TRADITIONAL ROUTE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ARE YOU LISTENING?

-YES I'M LISTENING, I'M JUST
PICKING UP THIS... [SIGHS]

-I MEAN CONSIDERING
THE LAST WEDDING YOU HAD

TO WHAT'S HIS NAME IN
A HOT TUB, I MEAN YUCK.

-LOOK, WE HAVE SET A
DATE, OK? IT'S THE 22ND.

-THE 22ND? THE
22ND OF WHAT MONTH?

-THIS MONTH.

-[LAUGHS] STEPH!
-WHAT?

-STEPHANIE ARE YOU NUTS?
THAT'S IN LIKE THREE WEEKS.

THAT'S NOT NEARLY
ENOUGH TIME, I MEAN

THERE'S A MILLION
THINGS TO PLAN.

-CAROLINE, LOOK.

WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE
THIS A BIG PRODUCTION, OK?

TOM AND I BOTH AGREED WE
WANT TO KEEP IT LOW-KEY.

-FINE. I COMPLETELY
UNDERSTAND THAT.

BUT THERE'S STILL
STUFF TO DO, YOU KNOW?

TRUST ME.

I INVESTIGATED THOSE
WHOLE WEDDING THING WHEN

LOGAN AND I WERE
ENGAGED, YOU KNOW?

IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'LL JUST STEER YOU IN
THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

-I'M SURE YOU WILL.

-WELL UNLESS YOU
DON'T WANT ME TO.

-NO, OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO.

LOOK, WE CAN GET TOGETHER
TOMORROW MORNING,

FIRST THING WE'LL SIT
DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT.

-WELL WHY CAN'T WE
JUST TALK ABOUT IT NOW?

-BECAUSE TOM'S PICKING
ME UP AT HEADQUARTERS,

WE'RE GOING TO HIS
UNCLE ERNIE'S BIRTHDAY,

AND I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.

-OH MY, UH, STEPH?

-[GRUNTING AGGRESSIVELY]

NOW YOU CORRECT ME IF I'M
WRONG BUT ISN'T THAT TOM

OVER THERE PLAYING
PADDLE TENNIS?

-[GRUNTING]

-YES IT IS.

SEE YOU LATER.

-TENNIS PLAYER: YES!

YEAH!

-HEY, STEPH!

-HI, SWEETIE.

-BEAUTIFUL, HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?

-[LAUGHS] OH, YOU ARE SWEATY.

-YEAH, I SURE AM.

-YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
PICKING ME UP IN HALF AN HOUR.

-JUST GIVE ME TWO SECONDS, OK?

-I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.

I'M NERVOUS ENOUGH
MEETING YOUR FAMILY.

WHAT IF THEY DON'T LIKE ME?

-I'LL CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING,
THEY'RE GONNA LOVE YOU!

NOW HANG IN THERE WHILE
I BEAT THIS BUM, OK?

-YOU'RE DREAMIN' DOC.

-HURRY UP!

-GAME POINT!

-[GRUNTING LOUDLY]

YEAH!

-WHOO! -[LAUGHS]

-I GOTTA RUN.

CATCH YOU LATER.
-TAKE CARE NOW!

HI SALLY!

-YOU BROUGHT ME LUCK.

-ARE YOU GONNA TAKE A SHOWER?

-NAH, DOCTORS DON'T SWEAT.

-HEY DONNA.

-HEY! HOW'S THE VICTIM?

-FINE, THEY GAVE HER
A SHOT OF EPINEPHRINE,

SHE CAME RIGHT AROUND.

-WELL WHAT WAS IT?

-SHE WAS STUNG BY A
PORTUGUESE MAN-OF-WAR.

-A PORTUGUESE MAN-OF-WAR?

I THOUGHT THEY ONLY
LIVED IN TROPICAL WATERS.

-WE DON'T USUALLY GET
'EM UP HERE BUT IT MUST OF

GOT CAUGHT UP IN A BIG
CURRENT LIKE EL NINO

AND RODE IT ALL THE WAY NORTH.

-SO WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?
I'VE NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE.

-WELL ON THE SURFACE, THEY
LOOK LIKE A PURPLE BALLOON

BUT IT'S THE TENTACLES
YOU GOTTA WATCH OUT FOR.

-THEY CAN BE 100 FEET LONG.

-100 FEET?

-USUALLY THEY'RE FIVE
TO 10 FEET, BUT EACH ONE

OF THE TENTACLES IS ARMED
WITH THOUSANDS OF CELLS

THAT OMIT A PRETTY
UM, DEADLY POISON.

-OK SO HOW ARE WE
GONNA DEAL WITH IT?

WE DIDN'T EXACTLY
SPEND THAT MUCH TIME

ON THIS IN ROOKIE SCHOOL.

-WELL, A PORTUGUESE
MAN-OF-WAR GOES

WHERE THE CURRENT TAKES IT.

IT COULD BE HALFWAY TO
SANTA BARBARA BY NOW.

-OR IT COULD BE BOBBING
IN THE SURF RIGHT THERE.

LET'S HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

-[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

-OH GOOD, THERE YOU ARE.

-HI.

-THESE ARE FOR YOU.

-WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?

-WELL YOU'VE GOT YOUR
FLORIST BROCHURES,

YOUR SAMPLE INVITATION AND
YOUR VIDEOGRAPHER REEL.

TRUST ME, YOU'RE GONNA
NEED ALL OF THIS STUFF.

-AW CAROLINE--

-AND HERE I HAVE OUR GUEST
LIST WITH ALL THE UPDATED

ADDRESSES AND ZIP CODES.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'LL GO OVER ALL THIS TONIGHT.

I MADE US A SAMPLE TASTING
AT HERB SUPERB ON MONTANA.

THE PREMIER VEGETARIAN
CATERERS ON THE WEST SIDE.

-I CAN'T DO IT TONIGHT.
TOM AND I HAVE PLANS.

-OH. WELL IS IT SOMETHING
THAT YOU CAN RESCHEDULE?

-LOOK, CAN'T WE DO
IT SOME OTHER TIME?

-WELL, STEPH, WE SHOULD DO
THIS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

I MEAN PLACES LIKE THIS,
THEY GET BOOKED UP.

-I'LL CHECK MY SCHEDULE, OK?

-OH, YOU'RE NOT THINKING
OF HIRING A BAND, ARE YOU?

-[SIGHS] NO.

-OH GOOD. ALL RIGHT THEN.

I'LL MAKE A LIST
OF POSSIBLE DJ'S.

-[PAPERS RUSTLE]

-ALL'S QUIET ON
THE WESTERN FRONT.

-SAME HERE.

-YOU KNOW, YOU'D THINK
IF IT WAS OUT THERE,

IT WOULD'VE SHOWN UP BY NOW.

MAYBE IT GOT EATEN BY
A SHARK OR A SEA LION.

-NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

THE MAN-OF-WAR STING IS TOXIC
TO EVERY KNOWN SEA CREATURE

EXCEPT THE NOMEUS FISH
AND THE LOGGERHEAD TURTLE.

-OK. ANY OTHER FUN
FACTS I NEED TO KNOW?

WHAT ARE ITS MATING HABITS?

-[LAUGHS]

-HI.

-I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO
YOU ON THAT ONE. SEE YA.

-REMEMBER ME?

MOLLY MCCOY, FLASH
MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

-I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
I WASN'T INTERESTED.

-WELL YOU DIDN'T GIVE
ME A CHANCE TO FULLY

EXPLAIN WHAT'S INVOLVED.

-YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT
REAL GOOD AT TAKIN'

NO FOR AN ANSWER, ARE YOU?

-WELL HEY, IT'S
NOT LIKE I'M TRYING

TO SELL YOU LIFE INSURANCE HERE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW SOME OF

THE PAST BACHELORS OF THE MONTH?

KEANU REEVES, JOHN
F. KENNEDY JR.,

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.

-OK, WHAT'S INVOLVED?

-IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

FIRST THERE'S AN INTERVIEW
WHERE I GET TO ASK YOU

A BUNCH OF VERY EMBARRASSING
PERSONAL QUESTIONS

OVER DINNER AT A
RESTAURANT OF YOUR CHOICE,

AND THEN THERE'S A PHOTO SHOOT.

YOU AND A COUPLE OF MODELS
FROLICKING IN THE SAND.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A SHORT

ACTION VIDEO FOR OUR WEBSITE.

AND THAT'S IT.

WE CAN DO THE WHOLE THING
ON YOUR NEXT DAY OFF.

-I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M PRETTY BUSY THESE DAYS.

-MITCH, THINK OF ALL
THE FREE ADVERTISING

IT WOULD MEAN FOR
YOUR DETECTIVE AGENCY.

SEE, I'VE BEEN DOING
A LITTLE CHECKING.

NOT TO MENTION THE
SHOT IN THE ARM

IT WOULD MEAN TO
YOUR SOCIAL LIFE.

-THANK YOU VERY MUCH BUT
MY SOCIAL LIFE DOESN'T

NEED A SHOT IN THE ARM.

-WELL DID I MENTION
THAT IT PAYS $5,000?

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL

♪ YOU GOT LIGHT SHINING IN YOUR EYES

♪ A SMILE THE COLOR OF SUNRISE

♪ AND I CAN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ AND I CAN'T GET ENOUGH

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ LIGHT IT UP

♪ BRING IT TO THE TOP

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ LIGHT IT UP

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ THE BEAUTY LIVES INSIDE YAL

♪ CAN'T EVEN HIDE IT

♪ DONTCHA DARE DISGUISE IT

♪ DONTCHA NOW DONTCHA NOW

♪ CAUSE YOU GOT FIRE WITHIN YOU ♪

♪ DEEP DOWN AND WILLIN'

♪ TAKE IT TO THE LIMIT

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ LIGHT IT UP

♪ BRING IT TO THE TOP

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ LIGHT IT UP

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ LIGHT IT UP

♪ BRING IT TO THE TOP

♪ BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ LIGHT IT UP

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

♪ OH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE

-YOU LOOK GREAT, YOU LOOK GREAT.

SO MAKE IT LOOK REAL
OUT THERE, ALL RIGHT?

OK.

YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.

IS EVERYTHING SET?

-YEAH.
-GREAT.

JUST ABOUT SET FOR THE VIDEO.

SO ARE YOU HAVING FUN SO FAR?

-WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO IN THIS?

-OH YOU PRETEND LIKE
YOU'RE MAKING A RESCUE

AND WE'LL PUT GILDA AND
MONIQUE OUT IN THE WATER

AND THEY'LL FAKE LIKE THEY'RE
DROWNING, YOU RESCUE THEM

AND WITH ANY LUCK AT ALL
WE'LL GET IT ALL IN ONE TAKE

AND THAT WILL BE THAT.

ANY QUESTIONS?

-UH YEAH, WHEN DO I GET PAID?

-YOU'LL GET YOUR $2,500 TODAY

AND THE REST WHEN THE PIECE
COMES OUT IN THE MAGAZINE.

SO YOU JUST HANG
TIGHT THERE, OK?

-MMM-HMM.

-[DISTANT CHATTER]

-WHAT DO
YOU THINK IT IS?

-I DON'T KNOW, IT
LOOKS DEAD THOUGH.

-JIMMY, DON'T!

-HEY! HEY LIFEGUARD LADY!

-[INTENSE ROCK MUSIC]

-EVERYBODY OUT
OF THE WATER! LET'S GO!

OUT OF THE WATER! COME ON!

GET OUT! EVERYBODY
BACK TO SHORE PLEASE!

-[PEOPLE CHATTERING WILDLY]

COME ON! LET'S GET BACK IN!

ALL BACK TO SHORE QUICKLY!

SON, NO!

GET AWAY FROM THE ROCKS!

SON, GET AWAY!

STAY BACK!

STOP!

NO! DON'T TOUCH IT!

WE GOTTA GET BACK
TO SHORE. COME ON.

COME ON. COME ON.

YOU'LL BE OK.

-[SIREN WAILS]

-NO, MITCH.

MITCH, MITCH!

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! WE'RE
IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOOT!

-WHAT'S UP?

-WE GOT A
CODE THREE AT TOPANGA.

-ALL RIGHT, LET'S HIT IT!
-[DOOR THUDS]

-AAH!

-OK SO THAT'S THE
SITUATION AND EVERYBODY

JUST PLEASE STAY
OUT OF THE WATER.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR
COOPERATION. EXCUSE ME.

YOU GUYS JUST MISSED IT.

-THE MAN-OF-WAR?
-YEP.

-ANYBODY GET STUNG?

-NO WE GOT INCREDIBLY LUCKY.

-THIS TIME.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER
OUR LUCK'S GONNA HOLD OUT.

-[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

-ILLARD EDISON?
CONSTANCE DEL GADO?

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

-THEY'RE A
SWEET OLD COUPLE WHO

LIVE IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING.

I SEE THEM EVERY DAY.

THEY'RE ALWAYS ASKING ME WHO
SENT ME ALL THOSE LOVE LETTERS.

-THAT'S GREAT BUT
WE DON'T HAVE TO

INVITE THEM TO OUR WEDDING.

-IT'S CAROLINE'S LIST,
I'LL PARE IT DOWN.

-DON'T PARE IT DOWN,
JUST THROW IT OUT!

STEPHANIE, I THOUGHT
WE BOTH AGREED

THAT WE WERE GONNA HAVE
A NICE LITTLE WEDDING.

SOME FAMILY AND SOME
INTIMATE FRIENDS.

-WE WERE. I MEAN WE WILL.

LOOK, IT'S JUST THAT
MY SISTER AND I,

WE HAVE THIS HABIT OF TRYING
TO RUN EACH OTHER'S LIVES.

-YEAH WELL YOU REALLY
HAVE TO TALK TO HER.

-I KNOW, I KNOW.

I WILL, I'VE JUST BEEN SO BUSY.

-YEAH, BUSY PUTTIN' IT OFF.

-[SCOFFS] OK, I HAVE
BEEN PUTTING IT OFF.

IT'S JUST THAT SHE HAD
ALL THOSE ROMANTIC IDEAS

ABOUT HER OWN WEDDING AND I--

-YEAH AND SHE'S LIVING THIS
WHOLE THING THROUGH YOU.

AND YOU, YOU'RE TOO NICE.
YOU CAN'T SAY "NO," CAN YOU?

-NOT WITHOUT
HURTING HER FEELINGS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?

-TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.

HELLO, TOM.

-HI, CAROLINE.

-SHOULDN'T YOU
BE AT YOUR TOWER?

-YEAH, YEAH I'M JUST
ON MY WAY. BUT LOOK.

-IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

-NO, NO, NO.

IT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
DRESS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD

AND IT'S YOU.

AND GUESS WHAT?

THEY HAVE IT AT NORDSTROM'S,
I ALREADY CHECKED.

I THINK WE SHOULD GO
ON TRY IT ON TONIGHT.

-CAROLINE--

-OH, THAT REMINDS ME.

PEOPLE ARE GONNA WONDER
WHERE YOU'RE REGISTERED.

WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THAT.

-WE WILL, OK. WE WILL.

I JUST DON'T THINK RIGHT
NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME.

-STEPHANIE, YOU CAN'T KEEP
PUTTING THINGS OFF. RIGHT, TOM?

-HUH?

OH, NO, NO. YOU'RE RIGHT.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, YEAH.

IN FACT, WE WERE
JUST SAYING THAT.

-YOU LET THINGS PILE
UP, YOU'RE GONNA GO NUTS.

-CAROLINE, WILL
YOU GET TO WORK?

-I AM GOING, ALL I'M SAYING
IS THAT THE CLOCK IS TICKING.

-GO!
-I'M GOING! I'M GOING!

-ALL RIGHT!
-I'M GONE.

BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S JUST
A RACE AGAINST TIME!

-YOU SEE WHAT I
HAVE TO DEAL WITH?

-SHE DEFINITELY IS A
FORCE TO CONTEND WITH.

-SHE'S GONNA BE
YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW.

-[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]

-HEY DONNA, I JUST GOT
THIS OFF THE INTERNET.

IT'S THE LATEST INFORMATION
FROM THE SATELLITE

OF THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE.

TURNS OUT WE'VE GOT CURRENTS
SWIRLING IN A NORTHERLY

DIRECTION ABOUT ONE TO
ONE POINT FIVE KNOTS.

NOW YOU SAW THIS THING AT
TOPANGA BEACH AT WHAT TIME?

-4 O'CLOCK.

-4 O'CLOCK, SO
IT'S 7 O'CLOCK NOW,

THAT'S 15 HOURS
TIMES ONE POINT FIVE.

THAT MEANS IT'S GONE
20, 25 NAUTICAL MILES.

-WHICH MEANS IF IT WASHES
UP, IT'S GONNA BE AT ZUMA.

-HOPEFULLY THE MARINE LAYER
WILL KEEP THE CROWDS DOWN.

-LOOK, WE CAN'T AFFORD
ANOTHER INCIDENT.

LET'S FIND THIS THING.

-WHOA! WHOA!
-WHOO!

-GIVE ME A KISS.

AH!
-[TOM AND STEPH LAUGH]

WOOHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO. WHOO!

-WHOA! [LAUGHS]

-HEY, CAROLINE, YOU
GOTTA TRY THIS THING.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PEDAL.

-OH, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO PEDAL HUH?

SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I'D LIKE.

WHAT IS IT? AN ELECTRIC BIKE?

-YEAH, TOM'S BROTHER
GAVE THEM TO US

FOR OUR WEDDING PRESENT.

-OH, WELL THERE'S SOMETHING
ELSE YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT.

I MEAN, THANK YOU NOTES.

OH GOSH, I COMPLETELY FORGOT.

HONEYMOON RESERVATIONS!

NEVER FEAR, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'VE GOT A FRIEND, HE'LL GET YOU

A GREAT DEAL ON A
CONDO IN HAWAII.

-LOOK, CAROLINE, I KNOW
YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO HELP

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
YOU'RE DRIVING US CRAZY.

-I AM?

-IN FACT, YOU MADE
TOM AND I REALIZE

THAT WE'RE MAKING
A HUGE MISTAKE.

-OH NO.

YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE NOT CALLING
OFF THE WEDDING ARE YOU?

-YEAH, NO, NO.

BUT WHAT WE'RE DOING IS,
WE'RE GONNA PUSH IT UP.

-PUSHING IT UP?
WHAT? UNTIL WHEN?

-TODAY.
-WHAT?

-[TOM AND STEPH LAUGHING]

-YEAH.

TOM JUST TALKED TO A
MINISTER FRIEND OF HIS

AND HE'S ON HIS WAY OVER.

-OH, WAIT, WAIT. NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S CRAZY YOU GUYS.

NO, NO. WAIT A SECOND.
THINK ABOUT THIS.

THAT'S SO OUT OF LEFT-FIELD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

-THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
JUST BE HAPPY FOR US.

OK?

-YEAH.

I MEAN GOSH, YOU'RE
RIGHT. IT'S YOUR WEDDING.

I AM HAPPY FOR YOU.

STILL GET TO BE
YOUR MAID OF HONOR?

-IF YOU DON'T HAVE
PLANS FOR TONIGHT.

-AH WELL I GUESS
I COULD CHANGE 'EM.

-[STEPH LAUGHS]

-COME HERE.

-AH, SHE'S BACK.

-YOU KNOW, I'M THINKING
THAT YOU COULD BUY

THAT REALLY PRETTY
DRESS OF MINE.

YOU KNOW THE WHITE ONE--

-CAROLINE.
-NO.

-[ALL LAUGHING]

-[DISTANT WAVES CRASHING]

-[BOAT ENGINE REVS]

-[DOOR LATCHES]

-[PHONE RINGS]

-SIX.

HEY CODY. WHAT'S UP?

NO, NO, NO. NO SIGN
OF THE MAN O'WAR.

ACCORDING TO THE LATEST
WEATHER SERVICE DATA,

THE CURRENT IS SHIFTING
TO THE SOUTHEAST.

WE SHOULD BE IN THE CLEAR.

NO, WHAT NEWS?

I KNOW STEPHANIE'S
GETTING MARRIED.

THIS AFTERNOON? NO,
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

WELL I KNOW CAROLINE'S TOTALLY
CRAZY ABOUT THIS THING,

BUT STEPHANIE DOESN'T
USUALLY ACT ON IMPULSE.

WELL I GUESS IT'S BETTER
THAN ELOPING, HUH?

OF COURSE I'LL BE THERE,
I JUST GOTTA BUTTON UP.

-[PHONE RECEIVER CLANKS]

-DAMN, HE'S LEAVING.

-WELL WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

-FOLLOW ME, GET READY TO ROLL.

-YOU GUYS, IT'S PERFECT.
YOU KNOW WHERE IT GOES RIGHT?

-SURE.
-YEAH.

-THANK YOU.

-[WAVES CRASHING]

HEY CODY, HAVE YOU SEEN MITCH?

-HEY, NO, BUT I TALKED TO HIM

ON THE PHONE ABOUT AN HOUR AGO.

-WELL DID HE SAY HE WAS COMING?

-HE SAID HE WOULDN'T
MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.

-[SPLASHES]

-OH NO! MY GOD!

HELP! HELP!

HELP! HELP! I THINK
THERE'S A RIPTIDE!

-FIRST OF ALL, IT'S
NOT CALLED A RIPTIDE,

IT'S CALLED A RIP CURRENT!

AND YOU'RE NOT IN ONE!

SO GET THE HELL
OUT OF THE WATER!

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY GAMES!

-OH LOOK, OK? THERE'S
NOBODY ELSE AROUND.

ALL I NEED IS ONE
SHOT OF YOU, OK?

YOU KNOW SWIMMING IN
AND OUT OF THE WAVES.

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

DOLPHIN-ING? THAT'S ALL I NEED!

THAT'S IT!

-WHAT YOU NEED'S A NEW
BACHELOR OF THE MONTH!

GET OUT OF THE WATER!

-NO MITCH, NO MITCH! YOU
CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!

I'M A TERRIBLE
SWIMMER, I'LL DROWN!

NO, NO, I CAN'T SWIM!

-[SCREAMS LOUDLY]

-BYE!

-NO, NO, NO. MITCH,
I'M NOT KIDDING.

SOMETHING JUST BIT MY ARM.

-[GASPING]

MITCH!

MITCH HELP! PLEASE!

-[BOAT ENGINE REVS]

-[CHOKING]
-[SPLASHING]

HELP!

-[COUGHING]
HELP! PLEASE MITCH!

-[ENGINE REVS]

-TAKE THE CAN, COME
ON. HOLD ON TO IT!

HOLD ON TO IT!

ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY. EASY.

ALL RIGHT.

-[MOLLY CRYING]

I GOT YOU.

GRAB HER, GRAB HER!
-HELP!

-DUDE, YOU KNOW I
GOT A GAME AT FOUR.

-I'LL GET YOU
THERE, OK? I PROMISE.

-ALL RIGHT.

-YOU'RE GOOD. I LOVE YOU.

-YEAH I KNOW, I KNOW.
YOU ALWAYS LOVE ME.

-HOW DO I LOOK?

-YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

-ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

WE HAVE A LITTLE
DECISION TO MAKE HERE.

WE ONLY HAVE THE MINISTER
FOR THE NEXT HALF AN HOUR.

-THAT'S EASY,
LET'S GET STARTED.

-NO, NO. NOT WITHOUT MITCH.

JUST BECAUSE YOUR MINISTER
HAS A TENNIS TOURNAMENT

TO GO TO...

-HE WAS THE ONLY
ONE I COULD FIND.

LOOK, I FEEL VERY
BAD ABOUT MITCH TOO.

I MEAN, HE'S MY BEST MAN, HE'S
THE ONE THAT INTRODUCED US.

-EXCUSE ME?

I JUST SPOKE TO CODY
WHO SPOKE TO MITCH

AND MITCH IS WORKING ZUMA BEACH.

HE'S PROBABLY STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

-BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHY HE HASN'T CALLED.

I HOPE HE'S ALL RIGHT.

-STEPHANIE, IF
SOMETHING WAS WRONG,

HE WOULD'VE CALLED FOR BACKUP.

-THAT'S TRUE. UNLESS HE
COULDN'T GET TO A PHONE.

CAROLINE!

-COME ON!

-ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET MARRIED!

-YEAH, LET'S GET MARRIED.

-LET'S GET MARRIED.
-COME ON.

-LOOK AT MY ARM.

-EASY, EASY, SIT DOWN.

-MY HEAD IS SPINNING.

-EASY.

-WHAT'S HAPPENING?

-[GASPS] WHAT'S HAPPENING?

-SHE'S HAVING AN
ALLERGIC REACTION.

-I'VE GOT THE EPINEPHRINE
ALL READY TO GO.

-[PANTING] WHAT IS THAT?

NO, NO, NO. NO, I HAVE
THIS THING ABOUT NEEDLES.

I CAN'T!

-HEY LISTEN, YOU
CAN GET THE SHOT NOW

OR YOU CAN GET IT
LATER AT THE HOSPITAL.

ALTHOUGH YOU MAY
BE DEAD BY THEN.

-YOU HAVE BEEN STUNG BY A
HIGHLY POISONOUS MAN-OF-WAR.

NOW BEND OVER!

-DON'T WORRY, I'M A
CERTIFIED PARAMEDIC.

-AND I'M A LIFEGUARD.

YOU WON'T FEEL A THING.

-[WHIMPERS]

-[SCREAMS]

-OH COME ON, IT
COULDN'T-A HURT THAT BAD.

-I JUST SAW THE MAN-OF-WAR!

-YOU'RE KIDDING ME!

GET THE GAT!

-GIVE IT SOME GAS.

-GOD, LOOK AT
THE SIZE OF THAT THING.

-GOT IT!
-YEAH!

ALL RIGHT, BRING HER IN.

-LOOKS PRETTY NASTY.

-SURE MAKE A HECK OF A WEDDING
PRESENT, DON'T YOU THINK?

-IT'S CERTAINLY ONE OF A KIND.

-ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO HOME. WOW.

THINK WE SHOULD GET
IT MOUNTED FIRST

OR JUST GIVE IT
TO 'EM LIKE THIS?

-[PEOPLE TALKING]

-HEY, HEY YOU GUYS.

GLAD YOU MADE IT.

-HOW'S MY HAIR?

-IT'S PERFECT.

-I'M NERVOUS.

-DON'T
BE, YOU LOOK GREAT.

-ARE YOU OK?

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

-WE ARE ASSEMBLED HERE
IN THE PRESENCE OF GOD

AND THESE WITNESSES TO
CELEBRATE THE JOINING

OF THIS MAN AND THIS WOMAN
IN THE UNITY OF MARRIAGE.

IT IS THAT CHIEF MOMENT
IN LIFE WHEN TWO PEOPLE

WHO WERE TOTAL
STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER

ARE DRAWN TOGETHER BY AN
IRRESISTIBLE ATTRACTION

SO THAT THEIR SOULS CANNOT
BE DIVIDED HENCEFORTH

BY TIME OR SPACE.

TOM, STEPHANIE, THERE ARE
NO OBLIGATIONS ON THIS EARTH

MORE SWEET OR MORE
TENDER THAN THOSE WHICH

YOU ARE ABOUT TO ASSUME.

-WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.

LET IT EVER BE TO US A
SYMBOL OF OUR ENDURING LOVE.

-NOW, STEPHANIE,
REPEAT AFTER ME.

WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.

MAY IT EVER BE TO US A
SYMBOL OF OUR ENDURING LOVE.

-WITH THIS RING, I THEE WED.

LET IT EVER BE A SYMBOL TO
US OF OUR ENDURING LOVE.

-BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY
THE CHURCH AND BY THE STATE,

AND MOREOVER, BY THE
POWER OF YOUR LOVE,

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE.

YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.

-[CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS]

-[CAROLINE LAUGHS]

-[SEAGULLS CAWING]

-[LIGHT ALTERNATIVE MUSIC]

-[PEOPLE TALKING]

-BRUNETTE MAN:
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

-BLONDE MAN: HEY,
HOW'S IT GOING?

-I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

-MAN: BYE.

-I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE
A RECONCILIATION.

-[SCOFFS] A
RECONCILIATION, HUH?

LOGAN, ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
GETTING BACK TOGETHER?

BECAUSE THERE MUST
BE SOMETHING REALLY

FUNNY IN THAT PUNCH OF YOURS.

-I DON'T MEAN ROMANTICALLY.

BUT IF YOU DO RECALL, WE
STARTED OFF AS FRIENDS.

I'D LIKE TO GET
BACK TO THAT PART.

-LOGAN, FRIENDS ARE
SUPPOSED TO TRUST EACH OTHER.

I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD EVER
REGAIN ANY TRUST IN YOU.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I SUPPOSE
IT'S TIME I START ACCEPTING

YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE INSTEAD
OF WHO I'D LIKE YOU TO BE.

-YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS,

BUT DESPITE ALL MY
ACTIONS, TO THE CONTRARY,

I REALLY DO CARE ABOUT
YOU AND I WANT YOU

TO GIVE ME ANOTHER
CHANCE, AS FRIENDS.

-OK, I'LL TRY. I'LL TRY.

I'M NOT MAKING ANY PROMISES,
BUT I'LL GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT.

-THAT'S ALL I ASK.

TO NEW BEGINNINGS.

-[GLASSES CLINK]

-YOU KNOW, TOM, I THINK
THOSE ARE A LOVELY MATCH.

-[BOTH MEN LAUGH]

-HEY, HOW YOU DOIN'?
YOU READY TO GO?

-LOOK, UM, I'M REALLY
WORRIED ABOUT MITCH.

NO ONE'S HEARD FROM HIM AND
THEY CAN'T REACH HIM BY RADIO.

I WANT TO GO LOOK FOR HIM.

-COME ON STEPH, YOU GUYS
ARE ON YOUR HONEYMOON.

WE CAN HANDLE IT.

-NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO UNLESS

I KNOW THAT MITCH IS ALL RIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

-NO, THAT'S OK, THAT'S OK.

LISTEN UM, WHY DON'T WE DO
THE BOUQUET THING RIGHT NOW

AND THEN AFTER WE'LL
UH, WE'LL GO FIND HIM?

-YOU SURE THAT'S ALL RIGHT?

-LISTEN, I'M AS
CONCERNED AS YOU ARE.

-OK.
-YEAH.

-ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY!
GATHER ROUND!

SHE'S GONNA THROW THE BOUQUET!

-[WOMEN CHEERING]

-COME ON YOU GUYS!

READY? OK.

-GOOD LUCK!
-[STEPH LAUGHS]

-WOMAN: TO THE RIGHT!

-[WOMEN SCREAMING]

-[LAUGHING]

-WOMAN: AH WELL.

-WOMAN: I DIDN'T WANT
TO GET MARRIED AGAIN ANYWAY.

-[BOUQUET RUSTLES]

-YOU CAUGHT IT.
WAY TO GO MITCH.

NO, THE WEDDINGS OVER.

BUT STEPHANIE'S BEEN
WORRIED TO DEATH ABOUT YOU.

LET ME GO TELL HER YOU'RE OK.

LEDGE, TAKE OVER, WILL YOU?

-[RADIO CHATTER]

-[WAVES CRASH]

-SO IT'S ANOTHER BORING
DAY AT THE BEACH, HUH GUYS?

-MOLLY?

-YOU GOT THAT ALL
ON TAPE, RIGHT?

-THE UH, THE CAMERA JAMMED.

I GOT ZILCH.

-WHAT? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

I ALMOST DIE AND YOU
DON'T EVEN GET IT ON TAPE?

-NOW WE STILL HAVE TO HAVE
A DOCTOR LOOK AT YOUR ARM.

-WHY? WHAT FOR? I'M
JUST GONNA KILL MYSELF.

NO, ON SECOND THOUGHT, I
THINK I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

-HEY, HEY!

-YOU MORON! YOU INCOMPETENT--

-EASY TIGER.
-LET GO OF ME.

-IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

-NO, BUT IT'S THE
END OF YOUR $5,000.

I'M GONNA GET YOU,
YOU IDIOT! YOU MORON!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
RUNNING AWAY FROM ME?

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO
ME! YOU'RE RUINING ME!

YOU IDIOT! DON'T
RUN AWAY FROM ME!

-MITCH: MY BACHELOR
OF THE MONTH PHOTO SHOOT

WAS SO SUCCESSFUL, THEY
DECIDED TO DO A SEARCH

FOR BACHELORETTE OF THE MONTH.

♪ TELL ME WHO

♪ YOU BEEN THINKIN OF

♪ IS IT ME

♪ OR IS IT ANOTHER LOVE

♪ COME HERE AND TAKE ME ♪
[FIRE BLAZES]

♪ I'M YOURS, I'M PRAYIN

♪ THIS FIRE OH BABY

♪ I'M HEATIN' UP IN THE NIGHT ALONE ♪

♪ I LAY HERE THINKIN

♪ YOU'RE ALL I'M MISSIN

♪ TONIGHT I'M BEGGIN

♪ FOR THE DANGER OF

♪ YOU AND ME IN LOVE

♪ CAN YOU FEEL MY BODY

♪ CAN YOU FEEL ANOTHER LOVE ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL MY HEARTACHE

♪ I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE

♪ BUT I WON'T I WON'T

♪ WATCH YOU WALK AWAY

♪ CAUSE I KNOW I KNOW

♪ THAT YOU WANT TO STAY

♪ BUT I WON'T I WON'T

♪ WATCH YOU WALK AWAY

♪ CAUSE I KNOW I KNOW

♪ THAT YOU WANT TO STAY

♪ CAN YOU FEEL MY BODY

♪ CAN YOU FEEL MY HEARTACHE

♪ CAN YOU FEEL MY HEARTACHE

♪ IS IT ME

♪ OR IS IT

♪ ANOTHER LOVE

♪ BUT I WON'T I WON'T

♪ WATCH YOU WALK AWAY

♪ CAUSE I KNOW I KNOW

♪ THAT YOU WANT TO STAY

♪ BUT I WON'T I WON'T

♪ WATCH YOU WALK AWAY

♪ CAUSE I KNOW I KNOW

♪ THAT YOU WANT TO STAY

-[END THEME MUSIC]