Baywatch (1989–2001): Season 6, Episode 14 - Baywatch Angels - full transcript

Jack Ripley, a schizophrenic mental patient, escapes from an insane asylum to wreak revenge on the Baywatch lifeguards, particularly Logan and Stephanie for sending him there by setting trip-wire bombs wherever they go. From then on, the show becomes Caroline's fantasy of Charlie's Angels, with Stephanie, C.J. and Caroline playing the Sabrina, Jill, and Kelly characters who attempt to track down the psycho before he can strike again.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-♪ SOME PEOPLE STAND
IN THE DARKNESS ♪

♪ AFRAID TO STEP
INTO THE LIGHT ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEED
TO HELP SOMEBODY ♪

♪ WHEN THE EDGE OF
SURRENDER'S IN SIGHT ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WORRY

♪ IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY

♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪

-♪ I'LL BE READY
-♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ WHENEVER YOU FEAR



♪ OH, DON'T YOU FEAR

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS

♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY

♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪

♪ OH

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ WHENEVER YOU FEAR

♪ OH, DON'T YOU FEAR

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS

♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE



[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

-HI.

[CHEERING]

♪ IT AIN'T EASY BEIN RIGHT
♪ IT AIN'T EASY WORKIN OVERTIME

♪ WELL I SAY YOU'RE FUNKY

♪ AND I KNOW YOU THINK I'M FINE

♪ JUST GIMME SOMETHING

♪ AW GIMME SOMETHING SWEET

♪ I NEED A LITTLE ACTION
♪ I NEED TO WET MY FEET

♪ THERE'S NO NEED TO
PUT UP A FIGHT ♪

♪ IT CAN'T BE WRONG IF
IT FEELS SO RIGHT ♪

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND

♪ OOO LET'S GIVE EM SOME ACTION

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND TIME

♪ LET'S GET A LITTLE CRAZY

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND

♪ OOO I KNOW YOU NEED JUST

-♪ A LITTLE BIT OF ACTION
-♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND TIME

♪ NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING
♪ A HEALTHY APPETITE

♪ NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING
♪ WHAT YOU WANT

♪ AFTER MIDNIGHT

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND TIME

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND

♪ LET'S PARTY ON THE WEEKEND

-STEPHANIE: OKAY, GUYS,
WHERE DO YOU WANNA EAT TONIGHT?

-PIERRO'S.

-OH, NO, WE HAD
ITALIAN LAST NIGHT.

-I LIKE TO EAT AT
PIERRO'S EVERY NIGHT.

-NO, I'M KIND OF IN THE
MOOD FOR BURGERS AND FRIES.

IT'S BEEN THAT KIND OF A DAY.

-[SCOFFS] I KNOW.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

WE'RE GETTING RUN RAGGED
AND MITCH IS BASKING

ON SOME BEACH IN THE BAHAMAS.

-HE'S NOT BASKING,
HE'S ON A CASE.

-YEAH, FOLLOWING AN HEIRESS.

IF SHE'S BASKING, HE'S BASKING.

-YOU KNOW, I TOLD MITCH AND
GARNER THEY SHOULD'VE HIRED US.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW
WE'D MAKE GREAT PIS.

WE'RE INTELLIGENT, WE'RE
ATHLETIC, WE'RE SEDUCTIVE.

-CAROLINE'S FAVORITE
SHOW IS "CHARLIE'S ANGELS."

-OH, YES, YES, I
ALWAYS PICTURED MYSELF

AS KELLY, THE BEAUTIFUL,
SOPHISTICATED ONE.

-CJ: I ALWAYS
PRETENDED I WAS FARRAH

AND MAKE MY HAIR
REALLY BIG AND I'D JUMP

OUT AT MY BROTHER AND I'D
GO, HOLD IT, LOWLIFE, FREEZE.

-FREEZE.

-OH, BOY.

-OKAY, STEPH, YOU CAN PLAY,
TOO, YOU CAN BE SABRINA,

SHE'S THE SMART ONE.

-WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE
TO BE THE SMART ONE?

-OH, LOGAN, COME HERE,
COME ON, WHO ARE WE?

-I'VE NO IDEA.

-COME ON.

[STEPHANIE LAUGHING]

NO, COME ON, STEPHANIE,
DO IT, DO IT.

-NO.

-KEEP DOING IT, PLEASE.

-SHE'S THE SMART ONE.

-THE THREE STOOGES.

-NO.

-WITCHES OF EASTWICK?

-NO!

-FORGET THIS, YOU
GUYS, LOOK, I'M STARVED.

LET'S GO GET DRESSED.

-WE'RE CHARLIE'S ANGELS, DUMMY.

-WHO?

-"CHARLIE'S ANGELS" WAS
CLASSIC TELEVISION.

-YES, ABOUT THREE
BEAUTIFUL PRIVATE EYES

WHO WORKED FOR SOME
GUY NAMED CHARLIE

WHO THEY NEVER SAW.

-HE'S ALWAYS ON THE PHONE.

-BUT YOU KNEW IT
WAS JOHN FORSYTHE,

SO YOU PICTURED HIM
IN YOUR MIND ANY WAY.

-DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T SEE
IT IN TASMANIA. SEE YA.

-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

-MEETING SOMEONE IN MY TOWER.

-[LAUGHS] EXCUSE ME, SOMEONE?

-NO, IT'S A GUY THAT I
KNOW, WE GOT MUTUAL FRIENDS.

HE CALLED ME AND
ASKED ME TO MEET HIM.

-UH-HUH, HAVE FUN.

-BYE.

-WHAT WAS YOUR
FAVORITE EPISODE?

-WHEN THEY WERE IN THE CIRCUS.

-OH, I LOVED THAT ONE!

-I KNOW AND
THERE'S THE TRAPEZE.

-I LIKED THE ONE WHERE
THEY WERE STRIPPERS.

-IT'S PAYBACK TIME, LOGAN.

I'VE BEEN WAITING
A LONG TIME FOR THIS.

FIRST, I'M GONNA GET YOU,
AND THEN THAT STEPHANIE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, CLINT?

HE'S GOTTA ASK
HIMSELF ONE QUESTION.

DOES HE FEEL LUCKY?

WELL, DO YOU, PUNK?

GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY.

[PHONE RINGING]

-TOWER 16.

-TOWER 16? TOWER 16?

IS THAT HOW WE'RE GOING
TO PLAY THIS, LOGAN?

BY THE NUMBERS, HUH? [LAUGHS]

-WHO IS THIS?

-I GOT NO RESPECT, NO
RESPECT FROM ANYBODY.

-WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

-VENGEANCE.
-LOGAN: WHAT?

HOW'D YOU GET THROUGH
ON THIS PHONE?

-I USED TO BE AN
ELECTRONICS PROFESSOR

UNTIL AN UNFORTUNATE
EXPERIMENT WITH A LIFEGUARD

CATAPULTED ME INTO FUTURE SHOCK.

NOW IT'S TIME TO RETURN
THE FAVOR, LOGAN.

[PHONE ZAPPING]

-WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

-I'M YOUR WORST
NIGHTMARE, ABSOLUTELY.

[EVIL LAUGHING]

[EXPLOSION FIRING]

I'LL BE BACK, LOGAN.
YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.

[BOAT ENGINE ROARING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

-STEPHANIE: I'LL GET IT.

SO, WHO'S WINNING?

-WHO DO YOU THINK? MISS
GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS OVER HERE.

-GIN!
-CAROLINE: WHAT?

WAIT, CAN I JUST SEE
THIS FOR A SECOND.

-LOGAN, WHAT HAPPENED?

-THE ARSON SQUAD
JUST LEFT THE BEACH.

MY TOWER WAS RIGGED TO
INCINERATE WITH ME INSIDE IT.

DID YOU TELL THEM ABOUT
THAT CRAZY PHONE CALL?

-YEAH, THEY FOUND OUT
WHERE HE PATCHED IN.

THEY SAID WHOEVER DID IT
WAS AN ELECTRONICS EXPERT.

-WELL, THAT'S WHAT
HE SAID HE WAS, RIGHT?

-RIGHT, BEFORE
LIFEGUARDS CATAPULTED
HIM INTO FUTURE SHOCK.

WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

THE QUESTION IS, WAS HE
AFTER LOGAN IN PARTICULAR

OR LIFEGUARDS IN GENERAL?

-I'M SURE HE'S AFTER
LOGAN SPECIFICALLY.

-LOGAN, IS THERE ANYONE YOU
KNOW THAT MIGHT HAVE REASON

TO, YOU KNOW, GET BACK AT YOU?

-THE SHORT LIST, HON.

--YOU DO HAVE A TENDENCY
TO MAKE ENEMIES.

-YEAH, BUT NONE THAT WOULD
WANT TO ROAST ME ALIVE.

-OBVIOUSLY THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I MEAN, FROM THE SOUNDS OF
THINGS, ALL THOSE VOICES,

MAYBE THERE'S A WHOLE
GROUP THAT'S AFTER YOU.

-I THINK YOU SHOULD WORK
THE SWITCHBOARD TOMORROW.

AT LEAST UNTIL
THE ARSON SQUAD AND THE POLICE

COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

-WISH MITCH WAS IN TOWN.

I'D HIRE HIS AGENCY
AS BODYGUARDS.

-WAIT A SECOND, HIRE US.

COME ON, GUYS, WE'RE
CHARLIE'S ANGELS.

-FREEZE, MISTER.

-COVER HIM, JILL.

-SPREAD 'EM!

-IGNORE THEM, THAT'S WHAT I DO.

-I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

-I'M SURE THE POLICE WILL
FIND THE MANIAC WHO DID THIS.

-I HOPE SO.

-TAKE CARE.
-LOGAN: SEE YA.

-YOU KNOW, I HEAR THEY'RE
MAKING A MOVIE VERSION

OF "CHARLIE'S ANGELS."

-OH, REALLY?
WHO'S GONNA PLAY THEM?

-I DON'T KNOW,
BUT WE'D BE PERFECT.

-BOTH: FREEZE!

-COME ON, YOU GUYS, CUT IT OUT.

-RELAX, SABRINA.

[CAROLINE LAUGHING]

[BUZZING]

-BAYWATCH?

-I'M GONNA MAKE
YOU AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE.

-WHAT?

-HEY,
ROCKY, HOW DO YOU MAKE

A LIFEGUARD DISAPPEAR?

-LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU
ARE OR WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

BUT YOU'RE INTERFERING
WITH LIFEGUARD OPERATIONS.

[BUZZING]

-MAYDAY, MAYDAY!
WE'RE SINKING, HELP!

-YEAH, WHERE? IN YOUR BATHTUB?

-THE
BOAT CAPSIZED. TWO!

TWO IN THE WATER.

CAN'T HOLD ON, HELP! PLEASE!

-WHAT IS THE
LOCATION OF YOUR BOAT?

CAN YOU GIVE ME A LANDMARK?

-OUTSIDE
MARINA CHANNEL.

TWO, THREE MILES, PLEASE HURRY!

-LOGAN: SCARAB RESCUE ONE
FROM CANINE 295, COME IN.

-295, THIS IS SCARAB ONE.

-RECEIVED A MAYDAY FROM
A CAPSIZED BOAT TWO TO THREE

MILES OUTSIDE OF THE MARINA.

TWO VICTIMS POSSIBLY
IN THE WATER.

-STEPHANIE: WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

-HEY, JUST BE ADVISED,
THIS COULD BE A CRANK CALL,

I'VE BEEN GETTING THEM ALL DAY.

-ROGER, THANKS FOR
THE ALERT. LET'S GO!

-ALL RIGHT, IT'S THE REAL DEAL.

YEAH, THERE'S TWO IN THE
WATER AND NEITHER IS MOVING.

-OKAY.

YOU GET THE ONE ON THE LEFT.

OKAY, GO!

-WHAT THE? IT'S A DUMMY!

-CAROLINE! LET IT GO!

[COUGHING]

CAROLINE!

COME ON, LET'S GET
YOU TO THE BOAT.

-WHAT HAPPENED?

-LOOKS LIKE WE WERE
TARGETS, TOO, LIKE LOGAN.

-AH, JEEZ, MISS PIGGY, IT
LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE BREATHING

A WELCOME SIGH OF RELIEF.

-HOLD THIS.

-THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN
UNQUALIFIED, INCOMPETENT,

AMATEUR BUNGLAR, FROG.

AH, CAN IT THERE, PIG, OR
YOU'LL END UP LIKE CRISPY BACON

WITH THE OTHER LIFEGUARDS.

-CAROLINE: WHO IS HE?

-STEPHANIE: I DON'T KNOW,
BUT WE BETTER FIND OUT.

-CAROLINE: HE WAS
WATCHING US LIKE

WE WERE HIS ENTERTAINMENT.

-WELL, NOW, WE KNOW
HE'S NOT JUST AFTER ME.

-WHY WOULD SOME MAD
MAN BE AFTER LIFEGUARDS?

-BECAUSE HE BLAMES
US FOR BEING LOCKED UP

IN A STATE MENTAL INSTITUTION.

-WHAT, YOU FOUND OUT WHO IT IS?

-JACK RIPLEY.

-THAT NUT WHO HELD
YOU AND ME HOSTAGE

IN MY TOWER LAST YEAR?

-YES. HE ESCAPED FROM
CAMARILLO THREE WEEKS AGO.

APPARENTLY, HE'S BEEN
VOWING TO GET EVEN

WITH THE LIFEGUARDS
WHO PUT HIM THERE.

-YEAH, BUT WE
DIDN'T PUT HIM THERE.

THE COURT FOUND HIM
CRIMINALLY INSANE.

-HE BLAMES US.

THE POLICE WANT US
TO STAY OFF THE BEACH

FOR A LITTLE AWHILE, AT
LEAST UNTIL HE GETS CAUGHT.

-WHOA, YOU'RE GONNA
LET SOME NUT CASE KEEP

YOU GUYS OFF THE BEACH?

-WELL, IF WE'RE ON THE BEACH,

THE PUBLIC COULD BE IN DANGER.

I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA,
WE SHOULD PROBABLY STAY AWAY

JUST FOR A BIT.

[LOGAN SIGHING]

-ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT
ONE OF US TO STAY WITH YOU?

-OH, YOU GUYS,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

I GOTTA CATCH UP ON THESE
REPORTS. GO TO WORK.

-I HATE BEING SO
DOCILE ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, WE KNOW WHAT
CHARLIE'S ANGELS WOULD DO.

-THAT'S RIGHT, THEY
WOULD TRACK DOWN CLUES,

FIND JACK RIPLEY'S
LAIR AND THEN NAIL HIM.

-RIGHT AND NEARLY
GET THEMSELVES KILLED
IN THE PROCESS.

-WRONG, THEY WOULD USE
THEIR WITS AND THEIR SKILLS

TO ESCAPE DANGER,
APPREHEND THE CRIMINAL

AND SAVE THE PERSON IN JEOPARDY.

-WHERE'S LOGAN?

-HE'S STAYING ON MATT'S BOAT,
HE THINKS IT'S SAFER THERE.

-LOOK, YOU GUYS GET TO
WORK, OKAY? BUT BE CAREFUL.

REMEMBER, WE'RE NOT
CHARLIE'S ANGELS.

-[SIGHS] I KNOW,
BUT WHAT IF WE WERE?

ARE YOU LOGAN FOWLER?

-YEAH, I'M LOGAN FOWLER, WHY?

-HI, I'M KELLY GARRETT.

-OH, HI, I'M JILL MUNROE.

-I'M SABRINA DUNCAN.
TOWNSEND DETECTIVE AGENCY.

--CHARLIE SENT US TO HELP YOU.

-COME ABOARD.

-CHARLIE: HELLO, ANGELS, I
TRUST YOU'RE FILLING LOGAN IN

ON THIS SITUATION.

-OF COURSE, CHARLIE.

-YOU TOLD US LOGAN WAS
AN OLD FRIEND OF YOURS,

SO WE'RE HERE TO HELP
HIM ANY WAY WE CAN.

-CHARLIE: I
APPRECIATE IT, ANGELS.

I WISH THIS REUNION
WERE TAKING PLACE

UNDER HAPPIER
CIRCUMSTANCES, LOGAN.

-ME, TOO, CHARLIE.

-CHARLIE: ARE YOU STILL
WEARING THAT LUCKY RING

AROUND YOUR NECK?

-WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT WITHOUT IT.

-GOOD, THE
ANGELS WILL WATCH OVER YOU

UNTIL WE CAN PUT JACK RIPLEY
BACK WHERE HE BELONGS.

-THANKS, CHARLIE.

-KEEP IN MIND,
ANGELS, THAT JACK RIPLEY

IS UNPREDICTABLE
AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.

-OH, WE KNOW, CHARLIE.

HE'S A MECHANICAL WIZARD
WITH A SECTION EIGHT

IN THE MILITARY.

-THAT'S RIGHT, HE BOOBY TRAPPED

HIS OWN UNIT'S HEADQUARTERS.

-A DELUSIONAL SCHIZOPHRENIC
WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

-CHARLIE: I'M SURE
YOU'LL CHARM ALL OF THEM

INTO SUBMISSION, SABRINA.

YOU'RE IN CAPABLE HANDS, LOGAN.

-WHAT ABOUT YOU, CHARLIE?

-DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, ANGELS,

I'M IN CAPABLE HANDS TOO.

[LAUGHING]

[BOAT HORN BLOWING]

-AHOY! I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE IN MY SLIP.

WOULD YOU MIND MOVING YOUR BOAT

SO I COULD PUT MINE
WHERE IT BELONGS?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

-IT'S HIM!

-FREEZE!

-NOW IS THAT ANY WAY
TO GREET AN OLD CHUM?

-CUT YOUR ENGINES AND PUT
YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR, MISTER.

-DO WHAT SHE SAYS.

-BOTH HANDS OR JUST THIS ONE?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
DARLINGS, YOU KNOW,

YOU THREE LOOK MARVELOUS,
ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS.

-DROP IT, RIPLEY!

-YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?

THERE'S NOBODY ELSE AROUND
HERE, WHO YOU TALKIN' TO?

-I'LL COUNT TO THREE!

-OH, ARCHIE,

THEY GOT GUNS!

-ONE.

-OH, JEEZ, THERE LADY,
WOULD YOU TELL THEM TO PUT

A SOCK IN IT OVER THERE?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
DARLINGS, FORGET ABOUT HIM.

I AM THE ONE WHO HAS REALLY
LOST HIS HEAD OVER HERE.

-KELLY: WHAT IS IT?

-JILL: LOOK OUT, IT'S A BOMB.

-SMOKIN'.

-HIT THE WATER, GANG!

-WHAT CAN I SAY?
SOME LIKE IT HOT.

I FEEL THE FORCES WITH ME, LUKE.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

CATO, CATO,
THIS IS INSPECTOR CLOUSSEAU.

WHERE ARE YOU, CATO?

[SCREECHING]

MY NAME IS BOND, JAMES BOND.

007, LICENSE TO KILL.

THEY SAY THE SAFEST PLACE
IS BETWEEN A DOOR JAM.

WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA.
[CHUCKLES] JUST KIDDING.

AH, A TREADMILL, PERFECT.

-SO, YOU'RE SAYING LOGAN
HIRED PRIVATE DETECTIVES?

-OH, NO, NOT EXACTLY.

-ACTUALLY A FRIEND OF HIS SENT
THEM OVER TO PROTECT HIM.

-WELL, GOOD, I HOPE THEY
CAN CATCH THAT MANIAC.

-GIRLS, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET THE ANGELS.

THIS IS STEPHANIE,
CJ, CAROLINE

MEET SABRINA, JILL AND KELLY.

-IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

-NICE TO MEET YOU.

-SO, WHAT'S YOUR PLAN
FOR CATCHING RIPLEY?

-OH, WE'RE GOING
UNDERCOVER AS LIFEGUARDS.

-ANY WAY WE CAN HELP?

-OH, YES, HOW DO
YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR?

UP OR DOWN FOR RESCUES?

-UP IF WE HAVE TIME.

-ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
QUALIFIED TO BE LIFEGUARDS?

-COLLEGE SWIM
TEAM, CPR TRAINING.

-ADVANCED FIRST-AID AND
PARAMEDICS EXPERTISE.

-LICENSED TO PERFORM
OPEN HEART SURGERY.

[LAUGHS] JUST KIDDING.

ACTUALLY, I GREW UP ON THE BEACH

AND I ALWAYS FANTASIZED
ABOUT BEING A LIFEGUARD.

-OH, REALLY?

I ALWAYS FANTASIZED ABOUT
BEING A PRIVATE EYE LIKE YOU.

-IT'S A VERY
REWARDING PROFESSION.

-ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU
PUT CRIMINALS AWAY
WHERE THEY BELONG.

WELL, WE BETTER GET TO WORK.

-I GUESS WE'LL SEE
YOU ON THE BEACH.

-THANKS FOR THE TIP.

-BYE.

-FOLLOW ME, LADIES.

-WHAT IS WITH THOSE HAIRSTYLES?

-I THINK THEY'RE SEXY.

-I THINK KELLY'S STUNNING.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL
YET SOPHISTICATED.

-WELL, I GUESS SHE'S OKAY,

BUT SABRINA'S OBVIOUSLY
THE SMART ONE.

ANYWAY, WE BETTER
GET BACK TO WORK.

-CAROLINE: SMART, SINCE WHEN
DID BRAINS GET YOU ANYWHERE?

-YOU'LL FIND EVERYTHING
YOU NEED IN HERE.

-THANK YOU.

-THANK YOU.

-OH, THIS MUST BE FOR US.

-POOR CJ, SO SAD.

-WHAT'S SAD, JILL?

-WELL, SHE'D BE
SUCH A PRETTY GIRL

IF SHE KNEW HOW
TO STYLE HER HAIR.

-I THINK CAROLINE
IS JUST ADORABLE.

-YEAH, SHE'S NICE,
BUT I THINK STEPHANIE'S

OBVIOUSLY THE SMART ONE.

THIS MUST BE CJ'S.

-OH, THIS MUST BE STEPHANIE'S.

-THANK YOU.

-WELL, I HOPE IT FITS.

OH, I'M SO EXCITED WE
GET TO BE LIFEGUARDS.

-EVERYTHING EXCITES YOU.

-I KNOW, I CAN'T HELP IT,
I JUST LOVE ADRENALINE.

-YOU LOVE EVERYTHING, JILL.

-I KNOW, I CAN'T HELP IT.

-WELL, I THINK WE
SHOULD SPLIT UP.

JILL, YOU TAKE THE TRUCK
AND PATROL THE BEACH.

KELLY AND I WILL KEEP AN
EYE ON STEPHANIE AND LOGAN.

-I WILL KEEP AN EYE ON LOGAN.

-REMEMBER, WE'RE NOT HERE TO
MIX BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.

-WHEN HAVE I EVER DONE THAT?

-HOW ABOUT EVERY CASE?

-EXCUSE ME, JILL, YOU'RE
THE ONE WHO USES HER LOOKS

TO CATCH A MAN.

-AND YOU DON'T?

-OF COURSE, I DO, I'M JUST
A LOT LESS OBVIOUS THAN YOU.

-IT'S GONNA TAKE
MORE THAN OUR LOOKS

TO CATCH A JACK RIPLEY.

HE IS CUNNING, CLEVER
AND WORST OF ALL, VIOLENT.

-NO, NO, NO, NO.
HE IS CLEVER, CRUEL,

AND WORST OF ALL, DEADLY.

-OH, NO, NO, NO.

HE'S MANIACAL, IRRATIONAL,
AND WORST OF ALL, HANDSOME.

-JILL, I SAY WORST OF
ALL VIOLENT AND KELLY

SAYS WORST OF ALL DEADLY AND
YOU SAY WORST OF ALL HANDSOME?

-I KNOW MY WEAKNESS.

-WELL, CONTROL YOURSELF.

-WHAT DO WE KNOW
ABOUT THIS JACK RIPLEY?

-WELL, WE KNOW
THAT WHEN HE WAS 9,

HE WAS BIT BY A RABID DOG.

BEFORE HE WAS CURED, HE
BECAME DEMENTED AND DERANGED.

THEN, SOMETHING HE
SAW SPLIT HIS EGO

INTO A HUNDRED PERSONALITIES.

-WHAT?

-A PERFORMANCE BY RICH LITTLE.

-[GASPING]
-YES,

HIS DERANGED MIND
JUST COULDN'T HANDLE

ALL THOSE CELEBRITY
IMPERSONATIONS.

-WHAT A HORRIBLE WAY
TO BE DRIVEN INSANE.

-HOW DO YOU THINK WE
SHOULD HANDLE HIM, GIRLS?

-CAUTIOUSLY.

-I KNOW, WHAT IF I WAIT
UNTIL HE IMITATES TOM CRUISE

AND I PRETEND I'M NICOLE KIDMAN?

-I DON'T THINK THAT'S
GOING TO STOP HIM, JILL.

-I COULD SMILE.

-AS CAPTIVATING
AT THAT MAY BE, JILL.

I THINK THIS WILL PROVE
TO BE A LOT MORE EFFECTIVE.

FREEZE, MISTER!

-JACK RIPLEY IS NOT GOING
TO BE EASY TO CAPTURE

EVEN WITH OUR GUNS
AND OUR SMILES.

ASIDE FROM HIS ABILITY
TO DISGUISE HIMSELF,

HE'S ALSO AN ELECTRONICS EXPERT.

SO, JILL, SO YOU BETTER
CHECK OUT THAT TRUCK

BEFORE YOU TAKE
IT OUT ON PATROL.

-DON'T WORRY, I'LL GO THROUGH
IT WITH A FINE TOOTH COMB.

-WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHOULD
WE CARRY OUR OWN PURSES?

-THESE LIFEGUARD BAGS
ARE A BIT CUMBERSOME.

-I THINK OUR
PURSES WILL BE FINE.

-DO YOU THINK
WE'LL STILL BE ABLE

TO PASS AS REAL LIFEGUARDS?

-OF COURSE, NO ONE IS EVEN
GOING TO BE ABLE TO TELL

THAT WE ARE UNDERCOVER ANGELS.

-WELL, I GUESS
WE SHOULD GET CHANGED.

-GOOD THINKING, KELLY.

-I LOVE THIS JOB.

-WHILE JILL'S
PATROLLING THE BEACH,

I'LL KEEP AN EYE
ON HEADQUARTERS.

-GOOD THINKING,
I'LL STAY WITH LOGAN

AND MAKE SURE HE'S OKAY.

-LET'S GO.

-SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

DO WE LOOK LIKE REAL LIFEGUARDS?

-YOU BOTH LOOK GREAT.

-WAIT, DON'T TOUCH THOSE
CONTROLS, KEEP RUNNING.

-WHY?

-JUST KEEP RUNNING.

KELLY, I NEED
A FLASHLIGHT AND A MIRROR.

-WHAT'S GOING ON?

-SABRINA: IT'S
BEEN TAMPERED WITH.

-TAMPERED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

-JUST KEEP RUNNING, WHATEVER
YOU DO, DON'T SLOW DOWN.

THAT'S A PRESSURE
SENSITIVE SWITCH.

-AND A MOTION FLY WING.

-AN ACCELERATOR MECHANISM.

IF YOU SLOW DOWN
OR TRY TO GET OFF,

THE MECHANISM WILL BE TRIGGERED.

-TRIGGERED TO DO WHAT?

-YOU'D RATHER NOT KNOW.

[BEEPING]

-WHAT WAS THAT?

-IT'S SPEEDING UP.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

-KEEP RUNNING.

WE GOTTA FIGURE
THIS OUT AND FAST.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

-IT'S SPEEDING UP AGAIN.

-KELLY: HANG IN THERE,
LOGAN. KEEP RUNNING.

-IT MUST BE
ONE OF THESE TWO WIRES.

-WHICHEVER ONE YOU
THINK YOU SHOULD CUT,

CUT THE OTHER ONE.

-THAT'S WHAT HE
EXPECTS US TO DO.

-NO, NOT IF HE EXPECTS
THAT'S WHAT YOU'D EXPECT,

HE'D EXPECT.

YOU GOTTA CUT THE ONE HE
DOESN'T EXPECT THAT YOU'D CUT.

-UNLESS HE EXPECTS
US WHAT WE'D EXPECT

AND HE DID THE OPPOSITE.

-CAN'T LOOK BACK,
WHICH WIRE TO CHOOSE?

DEAD WHILE YOU WIN,
ALIVE WHILE YOU LOSE.

-NOT IF HE'D EXPECT WHAT
YOU'D EXPECT HE'D EXPECT.

YOU HAVE TO DO THE OPPOSITE
OF WHAT HE'D EXPECTED

YOU'D SUSPECT HE'D DO.

-DO SOMETHING AND HURRY.

-MAYBE I SHOULD
JUST CUT BOTH WIRES.

-HE'D NEVER EXPECT THAT.

-WHAT IF HE DID?

-WHOA!

-ARE YOU OKAY?

-I'M FINE.
-SABRINA: GOOD.

OKAY, LOGAN, YOU
STAY HERE, OKAY?

WE'D BETTER MAKE A QUICK CHANGE.

-GOOD THINKING.
-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

-WELL, HE MUST BE
SOMEWHERE NEARBY.

JACK RIPLEY NEVER PUTS ON A SHOW

WITHOUT BEING SOMEWHERE
IN THE AUDIENCE.

KELLY, LET'S GO.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

-THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I'M
HERE ALL WEEK. TRY THE VEAL.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

-THERE HE IS!

WE'LL NEVER CATCH HIM ON FOOT.

-NO, BUT WE CAN
CATCH HIM ON THAT.

COME ON, SABRINA.

-GOOD THINKING, KELLY.

-WHAT'S HAPPENING, BABY?

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE GOING

TO HEARTBREAK HOTEL, WOULD YA?

-NO, BUT I'D BE HAPPY TO
DRIVE YOU BACK TO THE HOSPITAL

WHERE YOU CAN GET HELP.

-NO, THANK YOU, VERY MUCH.

I'M AFRAID "JAILHOUSE ROCK" WAS
NEVER ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

YOU HAPPEN TO SEE
"VIVA LAS VEGAS," BABY?

-YEAH.

-THEN, YOU KNOW I
CAN HANDLE MYSELF

BEHIND THE WHEEL, DON'T YA?

[JILL SCREAMING]

-EXCUSE ME, SIR,
WE NEED TO BORROW THAT.

IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.

-HEY, THAT'S NOT MINE.

-THERE.

-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

-NOW IF I WERE
TO TELL YOU THAT,

IT WOULDN'T BE
A SECRET, WOULD IT?

-SABRINA: BRING ME CLOSER.

-THE PROMISE OF
TWO LITTLE PEOPLE GOING AFTER

A HILL OF BEANS IN THIS
CRAZY MIXED UP WORLD.

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU,
SWEETHEART. [LAUGHS]

-ARE YOU CRAZY?

-CRAZY, CRAZY? YOU
WANT TO SEE CRAZY?

I'LL SHOW YOU CRAZY! [LAUGHS]

-FREEZE, MISTER!

-WHAT ARE YOU? GOOFY?

KILL US ALL! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!

[SIGHING]

-END OF THE LINE, JACK.

-IT'S OVER.

-WELL, NANCY TOLD ME
THERE'D BE DAYS LIKE THIS.

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
I'M GOING BACK TO CAMARILLO.

-YOU REALLY ARE ANGELS.
YOU SAVED US.

-IT'S ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.

-WE'RE JUST DOING OUR JOBS.

AFTER ALL,
WE'RE CHARLIE'S ANGELS.

[PHONE RINGING]

-CAROLINE.

CAROLINE? HEY, GET THE PHONE.

-OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

-THANKS.

-HELLO? YEAH.

WOW, ARE YOU POSITIVE?

WELL, THANK YOU, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH FOR CALLING.

-STEPHANIE: WHAT
WAS THAT ABOUT?

-LOOKS LIKE WE
DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT JACK RIPLEY ANY MORE.

THREE EYEWITNESSES SAW HIM
BOARDING A PLANE TO BRAZIL.

-WELL, AT LEAST THEY'LL
BE OUT OF OUR HAIR.

-HEY, CAN YOU IMAGINE US WITH
HAIR LIKE CHARLIE'S ANGELS?

-NO.

-WELL, I CAN.

-WELL, AT LEAST WE CAN
GO TO THE PARTY AFTER WORK

AND NOT WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING.

-BYE.
-BYE.

CHARLIE'S ANGELS. [LAUGHS]

-HEY, ANY OF YOU
GUYS SEEN LOGAN?

-WELL, I SAW HIM
WHEN WE FIRST GOT HERE

BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM LATELY.

-LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE FOCUS

YOUR ATTENTION ON THE CURTAIN.

THE MAGIC SHOW IS
ABOUT TO BEGIN.

-I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS
GONNA BE A MAGIC SHOW.

-I LOVE MAGIC.

-SO DOES LOGAN,
I WISH HE WAS HERE.

-LET'S GO OVER
THERE. THANK YOU.

-THANKS.

-LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE WELCOME

THE MASTER OF ESCAPE
AND ILLUSION, RAJA WANSEY.

[APPLAUSE]

-THANK YOU, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH.

I HOLD IN MY HAND AN
AUTHENTIC STRAIGHT JACKET

FROM THE STATE MENTAL HOSPITAL.

IN A MOMENT, YOU WILL WITNESS
AN EFFORT TO CHEAT DEATH.

AN IMPOSSIBLE ESCAPE
FROM A WATERY GRAVE.

SHOULD THE ESCAPE
PROVE UN-DOABLE,

I INSIST THAT NO ONE
MAKE A RESCUE ATTEMPT.

THANK YOU.

-DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S STRANGE?

-WHAT?

-THAT HE ACTUALLY MENTIONED
THAT THE STRAIGHT JACKET

WAS FROM A STATE
MENTAL HOSPITAL.

-OH, STEPHANIE,
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT?

-WELL, RIPLEY ESCAPED FROM ONE.

-COME ON, THREE PEOPLE SAW
RIPLEY BOARD A PLANE TO BRAZIL.

-I KNOW, I KNOW, I
KNOW, BUT AN ILLUSIONIST

CAN MAKE PEOPLE SEE THINGS
THAT DON'T REALLY HAPPEN.

-AND
NOW THE TENT DROP.

-SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE.

LOGAN.

CJ, CAROLINE, THAT'S LOGAN DOWN
THERE IN THE STRAIGHT JACKET!

-ARE YOU OKAY?

-HE'S OKAY, LET'S GO.

-YOU HAVE LEARNED
WELL, GRASSHOPPER.

YOU KNOW, PEG,
YOU FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.

YOU WOULDN'T HIT A MAN
WITH GLASSES, WOULD YOU, LADY?

LADY, NO!

-HASTA LA VISTA, BABY.

-JACK: I TELL YA, I GET
NO RESPECT FROM ANYBODY.

-SO, WHERE ARE WE GONNA EAT?

-OH, I CAN'T GO
TO DINNER TONIGHT.

-NEITHER CAN I.
-WHY? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

-THEY'RE HOLDING OPEN AUDITIONS
FOR THE "CHARLIE'S ANGELS"
MOVIE.

-WE'RE GONNA SHOW THEM THAT
WE'RE THE REAL THING.

-WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

-WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T
INTO THE "CHARLIE'S ANGELS."

-WELL, I'M NOT,
I MEAN, I WASN'T.

I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS, I THINK
I'D MAKE A PRETTY GOOD ANGEL.

-YOU THINK SO, HUH?

-YEAH, JUST ASK JACK RIPLEY.

-CAROLINE: OH, REALLY?

-REALLY.

FREEZE, MISTER!

[LAUGHING]

-LADIES,
THERE'S A PHONE CALL FOR YA.

-WHO IS IT?

-I DON'T KNOW, SOME
GUY NAMED CHARLIE.

-STEPHANIE: EXCUSE ME!

-CAROLINE: SORRY!

-CHARLIE? IS THAT YOU?

-CHARLIE:
YES, ANGELS, IT'S ME.

I THINK I MAY HAVE
ANOTHER CASE FOR YOU.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]