Baywatch (1989–2001): Season 1, Episode 15 - Muddy Waters - full transcript

[BEGINNING THEME MUSIC]

-♪ SOME PEOPLE STAND
IN THE DARKNESS ♪

♪ AFRAID TO STEP
INTO THE LIGHT ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEED
TO HELP SOMEBODY ♪

♪ WHEN THE EDGE OF
SURRENDER'S IN SIGHT ♪

♪ DON'T YOU WORRY

4♪ IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY

♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ I'LL BE READY



♪ NEVER YOU FEAR

♪ NO, DON'T YOU FEAR

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS

♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE

♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY

♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ NEVER YOU FEAR

♪ NO, DON'T YOU FEAR

♪ I'LL BE READY

♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS

♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE



[LIVELY MUSIC]

-COURT?

-YEAH.

I WONDER WHAT HER NAME IS.

-YEAH! YO!

[TWANG]

-[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

COURT!

[SCREAMS]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[PANTS]

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

[TENSE MUSIC]

WOMAN: [SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

COURT!

-HANG ON!

WOMAN: COURT!

[PANTS]

GOT YOU.

-YOU BET.

CRAIG: HEY, COURT!

-OOPS.

-[LAUGHS]

-DAMNIT, CORT,
YOU'RE A LIFEGUARD.

WANNA PLAY THE GAME,
YOU LIVE BY THE RULES.

-OH, MITCH, THEY DRIVE YOU
CRAZY WITH ALL THESE RULES.

I MEAN, PARASAILING--
PARASAILING IS A GAS.

-RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT.
TOO CLOSE TO THE SHORE.

-THERE WEREN'T ANY SWIMMERS.

BESIDES, THIS GIRL'S A PRO.
SHE'S--

SHE'S VERY COMFORTABLE
IN THE AIR.

A STEWARDESS FOR PACIFIC WEST.

-MEETING IS OVER.

I DON'T THE TIME
OR THE STOMACH FOR YOUR SARCASM.

-YOU'RE TAKING THIS AWFUL HARD,
AREN'T YOU, BIG GUY?

-MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I JUST
SPENT THE LAST HALF HOUR

ON THE PHONE COVERING
FOR YOUR STUPID STUNT.

THANK YOU.

I TOLD THORPE THAT YOU AND I

WERE WORKING ON WAYS
OF IMPROVING

WATER PARASAILING
RECOVERY TECHNIQUES

FOR MEXICAN RESORT LIFEGUARDS.

-MEXICAN RESORT LIFEGUARDS?

-HE'S EXPECTING A REPORT
IN HIS OFFICE BY THIS AFTERNOON.

-WELL, DON'T LET ME STOP YOU,
ALL RIGHT?

DON'T LET ME GET IN YOUR WAY.
AND, MITCH, I OWE YOU ONE.

MITCH: YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

-OH, YEAH.

-GOOD, WHILE I'M SPENDING THE
GREATER PART OF THE AFTERNOON

COMPOSING THIS BOGUS REPORT,

YOU CAN TAKE CARE
OF THIS FOR ME.

-NO.

GOTTA LOVE A MAN
WHO PAYS HIS DEBTS.

CORT: WE GOT AN ASSIGNMENT
FROM MITCH.

-WE?

RAGING WATERS THEME PARK?

CORT, WHY WOULD WE
WANNA GO THERE FOR?

-HEY, MITCH WANTED TO SEND YOU
THERE ALL BY YOUR LONESOME

TO TRAIN THEIR SUMMER
LIFEGUARDS.

I SAID, "NO WAY
AM I GONNA LET EDDIE

DO THAT KIND OF GRUNT DETAIL
ON HIS OWN."

IT'S YOU AND ME PAL.

-[SIGHS]

-OKAY, TRY IT NOW.

HELLO? TURN IT ON.

-IT IS ON, DAD.

-OH.

-DAD.

-DON'T WORRY, I'M GONNA FIX
BEFORE THE FIELD TRIP.

-AND THE BAYWATCH HELICOPTER?

-THE BAYWATCH HELICOPTER
IS NOT BROKEN.

-GOOD, SO YOU CAN TAKE THE KIDS
FOR A RIDE IN IT.

-FORGET IT.

-BUT YOU SAID--

-I SAID "NO RIDES
IN THE HELICOPTER."

-OH, YEAH...
AND THE BAYWATCH RESCUE BOAT?

-IF IT'S NOT OUT ON PATROL.

-GREAT. WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO,

HAND OUT BINOCULARS AND
LET EVERYBODY WATCH THE WATER?

-HEY, YOU VOLUNTEERED ME
FOR THIS DUTY.

WHAT DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW, JUST EVERYBODY'S
EXPECTING A LOT.

-AND WHY IS THAT?

-BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS TELLING THEM
ABOUT THE COOL STUFF YOU DO.

-HOBIE, THE IDEA
OF THESE FIELD TRIPS

ISN'T ABOUT
THE "COOL STUFF" WE DO.

IT'S ABOUT SEEING HOW DIFFERENT
KIDS' PARENTS MAKE A LIVING.

IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO BE EXCITING.

-TELL ME ABOUT IT.

LAST WEEK WE WENT TO JOEY'S
DAD'S ACCOUNTING FIRM.

ALL WE DID WAS LOOK
AT SLIDES OF GRAPHS

AND TALK ABOUT TAX SHELTERS.

IT WAS REALLY LAME.

-ACCOUNTING CAN BE INTERESTING
IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE.

-THE KIDS WERE LAUGHING
AT JOEY ALL WEEK.

-[LAUGHS]

LOOK, I PROMISE I'LL TRY AND
MAKE BAYWATCH EXCITING,

BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS

THAT THE KIDS SEE
SEE WHAT WE DO HERE

AND HOW THINGS WORK, OKAY?

-OKAY. BUT NO SLIDES?

-NO SLIDES. I PROMISE. TRY IT.

[SIREN WAILING]

-NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

MAN: [SCREAMS]

-[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

[WHISTLE]

-OKAY, COME HERE.

[LAUGHING]

NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO!

HEY, HEY, IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. STOP.
OH, OH, OH.

-HOW LONG DO YOU EXPECT ME
TO HOLD MY BREATH?

-TAD, THE IDEA HERE IS,

EDDIE'S THE VICTIM,
YOU'RE THE LIFEGUARD.

YOU SAVE HIM, DON'T KILL HIM.

-RIGHT, I'M SORRY, SORRY.
SORRY.

OKAY, OKAY.

-ALL RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT?

-ME.

-OKAY. GREAT.

[WHISTLE]

GO!

[LAUGHING]

THAT'S REAL NICE TECHNIQUE
THERE, SARAH.

THAT'S--THAT'S REAL GOOD.

-YEAH, YEAH, UH,
THERE ARE A FEW THINGS

THAT YOU DO FIRST
BEFORE APPLYING MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.

CORT: YEAH, LET'S TAKE A BREAK,
EVERYBODY.

-SORRY, IF I EMBARRASSED YOU.

-DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THINGS HAPPEN WHEN
YOUR ADRENALIN STARTS TO FLOW.

-IT SURE DOES.

-YEAH.

-EDDIE.

-OH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, RIGHT?

-YEAH.

SO YOU GOT THE HOTS
FOR THE LIFEGUARD NOW?

-TAD, GET OUT OF HERE.

-LOOK, I--

-STOP IT.

-I JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU, OKAY?

-I DON'T. I DON'T WANNA HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU, OKAY?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

-YOU WANTED TO SEE ME,
CAPTAIN THORPE?

-NO, MCCLAIN,
I SURELY DID NOT.

-BUT I JUST TALKED TO JILL,
AND SHE--

-WHAT I MEANT WAS,
WHEN I PICKED UP

THE NEW SPORTSWEEK MAGAZINE
CALENDAR,

I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU

AS MISS MARCH.

-HOW DID THEY GET THIS?

-MY FIRST GUESS WOULD BE
WITH A CAMERA.

-BUT I DIDN'T--

-DEGRADE YOUR ENTIRE PROFESSION
BY POSING

IN FRONT OF A BAYWATCH TOWER
IN YOUR REGULATION SUIT?

-THEY CAN'T DO THIS.

-NEITHER CAN YOU, MCCLAIN.

REGULATIONS DEMAND
THAT LIFEGUARDS PROJECT AN IMAGE

OF PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

AT ALL TIMES,
ON OR OFF THE JOB.

-BUT I DIDN'T KNOW.

-KNOW WHAT?

THAT YOU WERE POSING
FOR A CHEESECAKE PIN-UP?

-CAPTAIN THORPE,
I DIDN'T POSE FOR THIS.

-MCCLAIN, IF THAT'S NOT A POSE,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

-WELL, I'LL TALK TO CRAIG.
HE'S A LAWYER.

-GOOD THINKING.

YOU CAN USE ONE
AT YOUR DISCIPLINARY HEARING.

-DISCIPLINARY HEARING?

-NEXT WEEK.

BUT IF I WERE YOU, MCCLAIN,
I WOULD SPEND THE TIME

IN BETWEEN LOOKING
FOR A NEW JOB.

DISMISSED.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-HEY, LISTEN UP.

THE COURSE STARTS HERE,
WITH THE RAPIDS, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, WHEN YOU GET TO THE BOTTOM,
IT'S UP THE DROPOUT,

OVER TO THE SPEED SLIDES
AND DOWN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE.

-IF WE SEE YOU DOING
ANYTHING DANGEROUS...

-OR TAKING ANY CREATIVE
SHORTCUTS,

YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY
DISQUALIFIED, ALL RIGHT?

-TOP TEN SCORES WILL MOVE TO
AN ADVANCED TRAINING SCHEDULE.

CRAIG: THOSE OF YOU WHO GRADUATE
WILL START YOUR JOBS

HERE BRIGHT AND EARLY
MONDAY MORNING.

[CHEERING]

ARE YOU GUYS READY?

ALL: YEAH!

-OKAY, NOW, ON YOUR MARKS,
GET SET...

[WHISTLE]

GO!

-♪ EVERYBODY READY?

♪ WHAT THE WATER MEANS TO ME

♪ RIGHT, ISN'T THIS FUN?

♪ COME ON, LET'S DO THIS

♪ YEAH, BABY

♪ EVERYBODY READY?

♪ YOU MIGHT SAY
THAT I'M INSANE ♪

♪ BUT I'M DETERMINED
TO PLAY THIS GAME ♪

♪ EVEN IF I LOOK
A LITTLE SCARED ♪

♪ I'M GONNA DO THIS
ON A WING AND A PRAYER ♪

♪ GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO,
GOTTA GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ I'M SPLISHING AND SPLASHING
I'M HAVING' A BLAST ♪

♪ SLIPPING AND SLIDING
IT'S SUCH A GAS ♪

♪ FASTER, FASTER
AT THE SPEED OF SOUND

♪ I'M SLIPPING AND SLIDING
WITH ALL MY FRIENDS AROUND ♪

♪ AND THERE'S NOTHING' IN THIS
WORLD THAT I'D RATHER DO ♪

♪ THAN SLIPPING AND SLIDING
AND GETTING WET WITH YOU! ♪

♪ OH, NO, HERE I GO AGAIN

♪ JUST TRYING
TO IMPRESS MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I HOPE EVERYTHING
COMES OUT ALRIGHT ♪

♪ I'M GONNA CLOSE MY EYES
AND I'M GONNA HOLD ON TIGHT ♪

♪ I GOTTA GO, GO,
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ I'M SPLISHING AND SPLASHING
I'M HAVING A BLAST ♪

♪ SLIPPING AND SLIDING
IT'S SUCH A GAS ♪

♪ FASTER, FASTER
AT THE SPEED OF SOUND ♪

♪ I'M SLIPPING AND SLIDING
WITH ALL MY FRIENDS AROUND ♪

♪ AND THERE'S NOTHING IN THIS
WORLD THAT I'D RATHER DO ♪

♪ THAN SLIPPING AND SLIDING
AND GETTING WET WITH YOU! ♪

♪ SPLISHING, SPLASHING

♪ SLIPPING AND SLIDING

♪ SPLISHING, SPLASHING

♪ I JUST WANNA
GET WET WITH YOU ♪

♪ I'M SPLISHING AND SPLASHING
I'M HAVING A BLAST ♪

♪ SLIPPING AND SLIDING
IT'S SUCH A GAS ♪

♪ FASTER, FASTER
AT THE SPEED OF SOUND ♪

♪ I'M SLIPPING AND SLIDING
WITH ALL MY FRIENDS AROUND ♪

♪ AND THERE'S NOTHING IN THIS
WORLD THAT I'D RATHER DO ♪

♪ THAN SLIPPING AND SLIDING
AND GETTING WET WITH YOU ♪

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

-ALL RIGHT, DID I MAKE IT?
DID I?

-NO, BUT YOU GAVE IT
YOUR BEST SHOT.

CORT: WHY DON'T YOU GRAB A TOWEL
AND A CORN DOG

AND MAYBE WE'LL SEE YOU BACK
NEXT YEAR?

-WHOA, WHOA. I WAS PUSHED.
DID YOU SEE THAT?

I WAS PUSHED BEFORE.
I WANT ANOTHER CHANCE, OKAY?

-I'M SORRY, TAD.

-WHAT, ARE YOU STUPID?
I WAS PUSHED.

-I'M SORRY. NO VIDEO CAMERAS.
NO INSTANT REPLAYS, ALL RIGHT?

WE'LL BE TALKING TO YOU.

-MAKE SURE THE WEEKEND TOWER
ASSIGNMENTS ARE SIGNED OFF.

I DON'T WANT ANY SURPRISES
COME FRIDAY NIGHT.

AND DO ME A FAVOR,
CHECK WITH THE GARAGE.

THEY PROMISED THAT MY UNIT
WOULD BE TUNED UP AND WASHED.

[PHONE RINGING]

-YEAH?

IT'S FOR YOU.
IT'S HOBIE'S TEACHER.

CAN YOU HOLD ONE MOMENT, PLEASE?
HE'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

-COME ON. HELLO?

-MR. BUCHANNON,
I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

MITCH: ME TOO.

LISTEN, MS. KELLER,
I WAS THINKING ABOUT SPLITTING

THE CLASS UP INTO TWO GROUPS,
YOU KNOW?

SOME COULD GO INTO
LIFEGUARD TOWER,

YOU KNOW,
GET FIRST-HAND EXPERIENCE.

-WELL, THAT SOUNDS VERY
INTERESTING, BUT I'M AFRAID

THAT I HAVE TO CANCEL
THE FIELD TRIP.

-CANCEL?

-WE HAD SUCH OVERWHELMING
RESPONSE FROM THE PARENTS

THAT I'M AFRAID I JUST DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR ALL THE TRIPS.

-OH, I SEE.

KELLER: I'M REALLY VERY SORRY,
MR. BUCHANNON.

-NO, NO, NO, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU RAN OUT OF TIME.

THANK YOU.
AND I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO HOBIE.

-YEAH, WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.

-OH, BY THE WAY,

IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU
AT THE PTA MEETING LAST WEEK.

-YEAH, THANKS.

CALL ME IF YOU GET
A CHANCE TO RESCHEDULE.

-I WILL. BYE.

[DIALING TONE]

-GOT ANY USE FOR 27 SOUVENIR
LIFE PRESERVERS?

-[SCREAMS]

-THE POINT OF IMPACT IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING

TO KEEP YOUR EYE ON, OKAY?

IF THE RIDER DOESN'T POP
ON THEIR OWN,

SLIP YOUR ARM AROUND THEIR WAIST
AND PROP THEM UP ON YOUR HIP.

-RIGHT.

-YOU GOT THAT?

MADDEN: WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT SAVING LIVES?

-EXCUSE ME?

-YOUR RED TRUNKS
AND YOUR WHISTLE WON'T HELP.

THAT WON'T KEEP THEM ALIVE.

WITH ALL THE DRUGS
AND THE BOOZE,

WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON
IN THEIR HEADS?

YOU HEAR ME?

IF THEY WANNA DIE,
THEY'LL FIND WAY,

THEY'LL GET PAST YOU,
THEY'LL OUTSMART YOU.

AND THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN TO DO ABOUT IT.

-WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

-BEATS ME.

[TENSE MUSIC]

[TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

-[SCREAMS]

YEAH!

[SCREAMS]

-HOW LONG DO
YOU THINK IT'LL TAKE?

-A DAY, MAYBE TWO, MR. HOLLIS.

-OH, WE'LL START A RIOT

IF DROP OUT IS
OUT OF COMMISSION THAT LONG.

THIS IS OUR MOST POPULAR RIDE.

HAVE IT BACK UP TO SPEED
BY THE END OF THE DAY.

-SO THIS HAS EVER
HAPPENED BEFORE?

-NO ONE'S EVER TAKEN A HAMMER
TO US BEFORE, BUT WHEN YOU'RE

DEALING WITH TEENAGERS, YOU HAVE
TO EXPECT THIS KIND OF THING.

-WHAT KIND OF THING IS THAT?

-VANDALISM.

SOME KIDS DON'T NEED
AN EXCUSE FOR IT.

THEY JUST DO IT
TO IMPRESS THEIR FRIENDS.

-AND IF IT'S NOT THE KIDS
HAVING FUN...

YOU GOT ANY OTHER IDEAS?

-NO.

WE SPEND A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY
TRYING TO MAINTAIN

A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
WITH THIS COMMUNITY.

-YEAH, WELL, FROM THE LOOKS
OF ALL THIS STUFF,

YOU'RE NOT GETTING THROUGH
TO EVERYBODY.

-YES, YES, I UNDERSTAND.

BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT IF THIS ISN'T RESOLVED,

WE'LL TAKE IT TO ARBITRATION,

AND YOU COULD BE RESPONSIBLE
FOR ALL COURT COSTS AND DAMAGES?

RIGHT, OKAY, FINE.

-CAN YOU DO ANYTHING?

-OF COURSE HE WILL. HE HAS TO.

-SHAUNI, THEY SAID
YOU SIGNED A RELEASE

WHEN THE PICTURE WAS TAKEN.

-WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

-DO YOU REMEMBER SOMEONE
TAKING YOUR PICTURE

ON LABOR DAY WEEKEND?

-PEOPLE TAKE MY PICTURE
ALL THE TIME.

I MEAN, LIKE TOURISTS AND STUFF
ON THE BEACH, BUT NEVER--

-SLEAZY MALE CHAUVINIST
WITH A 250 MM LENS

STRAPPED AROUND
HIS SEXIST PIG-LIKE NECK?

-GINA, PLEASE,
YOU'RE NOT HELPING.

-WAIT A MINUTE.

THERE WAS THIS GUY.
HE HAD ME SIGN SOME FORM.

HE SAID IT WAS FOR HIS COLLEGE
PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS.

-OBVIOUSLY HE WASN'T MAJORING
IN ETHICS. I THINK YOU GOT HAD.

-IT'S OKAY, SHAUNI, THIS
COULD'VE HAPPENED TO ANYBODY.

-I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
AND HE WAS SO NICE,

HE WAS DRESSED WELL
AND POLITE.

-YEAH, THEY'RE ALWAYS
DRESSED WELL.

-LOOK, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
I'LL TALK TO CAPTAIN THORPE.

I'LL EXPLAIN ALL THIS TO HIM,

AND YOU'LL BE BACK ON DUTY
TOMORROW.

-THANKS, CRAIG.

-IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

-OH, YEAH.

I'M GONNA PAY
BIG MONEY TO SEE THIS.

JOHN D. CORT, NAVY SEAL,
EXPLOSIVES SPECIALIST,

MAN ABOUT THE WORLD.

NOW IN HIS MOST DARING MISSION,
WATER SLIDE SPECIALIST.

[LAUGHS]

-ARE YOU ABOUT DONE?

-OH, I JUST GOT STARTED.

NO, NO, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

HOW'S IT DONE? HOW'S IT DONE?

FEET FIRST? FACE FIRST?

WHAT'S THE PROPER WAY
TO SURVIVE A WATER SLIDE?

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING
TRACK OF THE DAYS OF THE WEEK?

CORT: WHAT'RE YOU SO MAD ABOUT?

-JUST WHAT A GUY WANTS TO SEE.

A PICTURE OF HIS GIRL
PASTED EVERYWHERE.

-WELL, IT'S NOT
LIKE SHE'S IN THE BUFF.

-NOT UP HERE?

WHAT?

-[SIGHS]

WHEN A GUY LOOKS
AT THIS PICTURE,

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE SEES?

-WELL, A--

A GOOD LOOKING LADY
IN A BATHING SUIT.

-NO, HE DOESN'T SEE
A BATHING SUIT.

HE SEES WHAT HE WANTS TO SEE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I THINK YOU DO.

AND I DON'T LIKE IT ONE BIT,

ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY TRICKED
HER TO GET THE DAMN PICTURE.

-WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,

TAKE DOWN EVERY CALENDAR
THEY EVER MADE?

-WATCH ME.

-HUH?

-[SCREAMS]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

-[SCREAMS]

COMMENTATOR: AND IT'S 83-64.

AND IT LOOKS AS THOUGH
HE HAS THIS ONE WRAPPED UP

AT FIVE AND HALF MINUTES TO GO.

-OH, DON'T DO THAT,
YOU'RE GONNA JINX HIM.

HEY, HOBIE, COME ON DOWN HERE
AND LISTEN TO THIS.

[PHONE RINGING]

HELLO?

OH, HI, MS. KELLER.

NO, NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

YES, I'M SURPRISED, TOO.

COMMENTATOR: MARTIN
AND DEMARCO WILL WAIT.

THEY'LL DRIVE TO THE BASELINE.

WE'LL BE THERE.

NO, THAT'S FINE.
WE'LL BE THERE. THANK YOU.

HEY, HOBIE, COME DOWN HERE
FOR A SECOND, WILL YOU?

[RADIO TURNS OFF]

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH YOUR TEACHER.

SO WHAT WERE YOU FIGHTING ABOUT?

-IT WAS NO BIG DEAL, DAD.

JIMMY MARKOWITZ
JUST HAS A BIG MOUTH.

-IS THAT RIGHT?

-IN A BIG WAY.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT CAN GET
ON A GUY'S NERVES.

-SO WHAT DID HE SAY?

-WELL, HE SAID--

IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

-IT'S NOT IMPORTANT?

WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT ENOUGH
TO GET YOU GROUNDED.

-WHAT?

-YEAH.
NO TV AND NO VIDEO GAMES.

-FOR HOW LONG?

-THAT DEPENDS ON OUR MEETING
WITH MS. KELLER.

-[SCREAMS]

-OKAY, FIRST WE'RE GONNA
SHOW YOU WHAT COULD HAPPEN

IF YOU GAIN TOO MUCH SPEED
AND LOSE CONTROL ON THE SLIDE.

-THAT COULD BE
A LITTLE FRIGHTENING,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A KID
AND YOU GET TURNED AROUND

OR RIDE UP ON THE EDGE.

SO THE KEY THING IS TO WATCH
EACH PERSON AS THEY GO DOWN.

EDDIE, I BELIEVE
YOU LOST THE TOSS.

-YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

[LAUGHING]

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT YOU
DON'T WANT TO DO, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, YOU DON'T WANNA GET

TO WHERE YOU TURN AROUND
LIKE THIS

BECAUSE IT COULD BE DANGEROUS!

[TENSE MUSIC]

ALL RIGHT,
SEND ANOTHER ONE DOWN!

-I WANT EACH OF YOU TO GET A
FEEL FOR JUST WHAT TYPE OF SPEED

YOU CAN TAKE UP
GOING DOWN THIS THING.

AS EDDIE SO HAPPILY
DEMONSTRATED,

THINGS CAN GET A
LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

HE'LL BE THERE AT THE BOTTOM

IN CASE ANY OF YOU
HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.

SO, VOLUNTEERS?

-I'LL GO.

-SANDY.

THERE YOU GO.
OH, MY GOSH.

-[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

-OKAY, SARAH, YOU'RE NEXT.

SO ANY LAST WORDS?

-DOES EDDIE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

[LAUGHING]

-NO COMMENT.

OFF YOU GO.

[LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

GIRL: COME ON, I DON'T KNOW.

-HANG ON, SARAH, I'M COMING!

-HELP! HELP! HELP!

[CRIES]

HELP ME!

[SCREAMS]

[CRIES]

HELP ME! HELP ME!

SOMEBODY! HELP!

OH, HELP ME!

-HOLD ON, I'M COMING.
I'M ALMOST TO YOU.

-HELP ME!

EDDIE! EDDIE, HELP!

-[MOANS]

HANG ON!

-I CAN'T, I'M LOSING MY GRIP.

-HANG ON.

HANG ON!

GIVE ME YOUR HAND.

-I CAN'T!

-IT'S OKAY, I GOT YOU.

-ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

THIS IS DEFINITELY GETTING
OUT OF HAND.

[LAUGHING]

EDDIE: IT WAS SCARY,
REALLY UPSETTING.

YEAH, WELL, I GOT SOMETHING
HERE THAT MIGHT HELP.

I GOT, UH--

I'VE BEEN KEEPING THIS
FOR A WHILE.

I CAN'T FIND IT.
OH, HERE, HERE.

-[SIGHS]

THIS IS THE GUY?

-YEAH, THAT'S HIM.

WALKED UP TO ME BY THE SPEED
SLIDE AND STARTED RANTING.

HOLLIS: YEAH, IT FIGURES.

JOE MADDEN.

SO WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?

HIS SON COMMITTED SUICIDE.

17 YEARS OLD.

-[PUFFS]

WAS THAT HERE?

-YEAH.

THE SLED TOWER.

IT WAS...

HUH.

A YEAR AGO THIS WEEK.

-WELL, THAT EXPLAINS
A THING OR TWO.

-ARE YOU SURE IT WAS SUICIDE?

-NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

HE JUST STOOD THERE,

SURVEYED THE ENTIRE PARK.

AND HE JUMPED OFF
THE BACK SIDE OF THE PLATFORM.

WE TRIED TO STOP HIM.

-SO THIS MADDEN,
HE BLAMES THE PARK?

I GUESS WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR SON,

YOU JUST BLAME
WHOEVER YOU CAN FIND.

-WELL, I THINK WE CAN DO
SOMETHING HERE

TO SLOW THIS MR. MADDEN DOWN.

BUT WITH YOUR PERMISSION, I'D
LIKE TO BRING IN THIS OFFICER

TO WORK UNDER
COVER WITH US.

-SOUNDS REASONABLE.

-I AM NOT GOING OUT THERE
LIKE THIS.

I'M A COP,
NOT ONE OF YOUR GOLDEN BOYS.

-DON'T LOOK AT ME, PAL.

YOU GOT YOUR ORDERS
FROM DOWNTOWN.

-THE THINGS I HAVE
TO PUT UP WITH...

-NICE. VERY, VERY NICE.

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
BLEND RIGHT IN.

-A LITTLE SNUG, DON'T YOU THINK?

-YEAH, YEAH. I THINK YOU'RE
RIGHT, IT IS A LITTLE TIGHT.

TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL DIG AROUND
AND SEE IF I CAN FIND

SOMETHING MORE ON YOUR SIZE.

-WELL, THANKS A LOT.

GOING UNDERCOVER
AT A WATER PARK.

THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

-ARE YOU KIDDING?

ALL YOU'VE BEEN DOING IS BARKING
ABOUT HOW YOU MISS

REAL COP WORK.

YOU GOT A STAKE OUT HERE, MAN.
GET INTO IT.

HAVE FUN WITH IT.

-YEAH, I GUESS.

-BESIDES, I THINK
RED'S YOUR COLOR.

-MM.

CRAIG: IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

-DO YOU THINK HE'LL UNDERSTAND?

-HE'S A REASONABLE MAN.
WE GOT A SHOT.

CAPTAIN.

-[CLEARS HIS THROAT]

THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

-YES?

-EXCUSE ME.

THIS SITUATION
ISN'T AS CLEAR CUT AS IT LOOKS.

-POMEROY, THAT PHOTO
LOOKS VERY CLEAR TO ME.

AND I'M SURE TO PROVE EQUALLY AS
CLEAR TO THE DISCIPLINARY BOARD.

-BUT I WAS TRICKED.

-IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYBODY.

-SEE, THERE WAS THIS GUY,

AND HE HAD
THIS PHOTOGRAPHY CLASS--

-MCCLAIN, PLEASE.
I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY.

I SUPPOSE YOU JUST SAVE
YOUR STORY FOR THE HEARING.

I'M SURE IT'LL PROVE
VERY ENTERTAINING.

THANK YOU.

-PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE
TO EXPLAIN.

-THAT'S WHAT THE HEARING IS FOR.
I'LL SEE YOU THERE.

-BUT--

-SHAUNI, COME ON.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, SIR.

[KIDS TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

-SO HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING
TO KEEP US WAITING?

I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

-WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH
A MAJOR DEAL OUT OF THIS?

PEOPLE GET SLUGGED EVERY DAY.

-AND KIDS GET GROUNDED
EVERY DAY.

SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

-JERRY'S A WINDBAG.

MITCH: I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT.
I WANT AN EXPLANATION, NOW.

-THERE'S NOTHING TO EXPLAIN.

-IS WHAT JERRY SAID SO AWFUL

THAT YOU THINK
IT WILL OFFEND US?

-HE SAID THAT MY DAD
WAS A BEACH BUM

AND THAT ALL HE DID
WAS HANG OUT AND WATCH GIRLS.

-THAT'S IT?

-HE SAID HIS FATHER MET
WITH MS. KELLER

AND GOT HER TO CANCEL
THE FIELD TRIP.

-REALLY?

-UH, COULD WE TALK FOR JUST
A MINUTE, MR. BUCHANNAN?

-HOBIE, WAIT OUT
IN THE HALL, PLEASE.

-UH, JERRY'S FATHER WAS
AMONG THE PARENTS

WHO WERE CONCERNED
ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN

VISITING A LIFEGUARD TOWER.

-WHAT IS IT?

DO YOU THINK THAT LIFEGUARDS
ARE INAPPROPRIATE ROLE MODELS?

WE LAZE AROUND ALL DAY
WORKING ON OUR TANS

AND HANGING OUT AND
AND HITTING ON GIRLS?

YOU KNOW, IT'S A SHAME

THEY'LL NEVER GET A CHANCE
TO LEARN WHAT WE REALLY DO.

MR. BUCHANNON, I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT MY--

WHAT HOBIE DID WAS WRONG,
AND HE'LL SUBMIT

TO WHATEVER DISCIPLINARY
ACTION YOU WANNA GIVE HIM.

LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT.

[SCREAMING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-HEY, WHAT AM I?
AM I THE INVISIBLE MAN?

-I WISH.

-YOU LIKE A LIFEGUARD
FROM BAYWATCH, DON'T YOU?

-NO, I DON'T.
IT'S YOU. I DON'T LIKE YOU.

WELL, YOU WEREN'T SAYING THAT
A WEEK AGO, WERE YOU?

-I DON'T LIKE BEING PAWED.

-OH, NO, BUT YOU WOULD IF IT WAS
EDDIE, RIGHT?

-STOP IT.

-HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-YOU KNOW, I'VE KNOWN YOU
A FEW DAYS, AND I HATE YOU.

-THANKS, UH...
HE'S QUITE A HOTHEAD.

-YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM.
COME ON.

-GENTLEMEN.

WE ARE HERE TODAY TO CONSIDER
APPROPRIATE DISCIPLINARY ACTION

AGAINST THE YOUNG WOMAN BEFORE
YOU, MISS SHAUNI MCCLAIN.

WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE

THIS SAME YOUNG WOMAN YOU SEE

POSING AS IT WERE,
IN FULL REGALIA,

BEFORE BAYWATCH TOWER 19,

A SHAME
AND AN EMBARRASSMENT

TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US
WHO IS PROUD TO CALL HIMSELF

OR HERSELF

A LIFEGUARD FOR THE GREAT COUNTY
OF LOS ANGELES.

-AMAZING.

-WHAT?

-HE GOT THAT ALL OUT
IN ONE BREATH.

-MR. POMEROY,
DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY?

-AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU

OF AN AMERICAN TRADITION CALLED
PRESUMED INNOCENCE.

-MR. POMEROY,
WHAT SHE DID IS A FACT.

THERE'S NO NEED TO DISCUSS HER
GUILT OR INNOCENCE.

WE'RE HERE TO DECIDE
WHETHER OR NOT TO FIRE HER.

-CAPTAIN THORPE,

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW MUCH THIS JOB MEANS TO ME.

-AND WE'RE PERFECTLY WILLING
TO ACCEPT WHATEVER PUNISHMENT

THIS DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE
DECIDES IS APPROPRIATE.

-WE ARE?

-AS LONG AS WE HAVE YOUR
ASSURANCE

THAT SHAUNI WON'T BE
TREATED ANY DIFFERENTLY

THAN ANYBODY ELSE
UNDER SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES.

-WHEN HAVE I EVER BEEN
LESS THAN EVENHANDED?

I MAY BE STRICT,
BUT I AM ALWAYS FAIR.

ANY LIFEGUARD WHO SHOWS UP
ON A CALENDAR

WILL GET THE BOOT
JUST AS FAST.

-MM...

VERY CLEVER, MR. POMEROY.

YOU SNEAK THE PHOTO
WITH A LONG LENS?

-500 MM.

-ALL RIGHT, I AGREE.

IT IS ONE THING TO GET
PHOTOGRAPHED UNWILLINGLY.

BUT IT'S AN ENTIRELY
DIFFERENT MATTER

TO THEN SIGN A RELEASE.

-MM.

IS THAT YOUR SIGNATURE?

-"PERMISSION TO PUBLISH."

-THE NEXT TIME
YOU SIGN FOR DELIVERY,

YOU SHOULD READ WHAT
YOU'RE SIGNING.

-YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT,
MR. POMEROY.

AND IT'S A GOOD ONE.

-DOES THIS MEAN
I GET TO KEEP MY JOB, SIR?

-YES, MISS MCCLAIN.

-THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.

-THANK YOU.

-POMEROY...

I DON'T LIKE BEING TRICKED.

-I UNDERSTAND.
AND NEITHER DID SHAUNI.

-DO YOU MIND IF I--

-YOU LOOK BUFF.

-YEAH.

[CHUCKLES]

-THANK YOU SO MUCH, CRAIG.

-OH.

THAT'S FOR YOU.

-WHAT'S THIS?

A THOUSAND DOLLARS
FROM SPORTSWEEK MAGAZINE?

-IT'S THEIR STANDARD FEE
FOR CALENDAR MODELS.

THEY SAID THEY FORGOT
TO SEND IT TO YOU.

-GREAT.

I AM GONNA BUY EVERY
CALENDAR I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.

-YOU'LL MAKE A BONFIRE?

-NO.

I'M GONNA SEND THEM
TO ALL MY FRIENDS.

-[SCREAMS]

-I GOT A GOOD SENSE ABOUT THIS.

-THANKS, I HOPE SO.

-WHERE'S YOUR RADIO, CORT?

-IT'S UP TOP.

-A LOT OF GOOD
IT'S GONNA DO YOU UP THERE.

-LOOK, IF MR. MADDEN
DOES SHOW UP,

YOU WILL HANDLE THIS DISCREETLY,
WON'T YOU?

-YES.

-THANK YOU.

-YOU GOT THAT?
YOU CAN SPELL DISCREET, RIGHT?

-YOU HAVE ANY MAINTENANCE PEOPLE
WORKING UP THE SLED RIDE?

-NO.

-YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

-THE SLED'S CLOSED.

THERE'S NO REASON
FOR ANYBODY TO BE THERE.

-HE'S MADDEN.

-THIS IS GARNER. SUSPECT SIGHTED
AT THE SLED TOWER.

HOLLIS: THAT'S WHERE HIS KID
JUMPED FROM.

[TENSE MUSIC]

-GO AWAY.

-YOUR NAME'S MADDEN, RIGHT?

I HEARD ABOUT YOUR KID.

I'M SORRY.

WANNA TALK ABOUT IT?

-WHAT A GUY LIKE YOU WOULD KNOW
ABOUT IT, ANYWAY?

-PROBABLY NOTHING.

THAT STUNT YOU PULLED
ON THE SPEED SLIDE.

THAT WASN'T COOL, MAN.

NOT COOL AT ALL.

WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO, TAKE
SOMEONE ELSE'S KID AWAY, TOO?

-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

-WE KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
I MEAN....

THE LOOSENED BOLTS,
THE BOTTOM DROPPING OUT.

-LOOK, I'M JUST ANOTHER
PARK VISITOR.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I CAME
BACK HERE,

EXCEPT THAT IT'S KIND
OF A BIG ANNIVERSARY FOR ME..

MY BOY TOOK HIS LIFE HERE.

AND WHEN I LOST HIM,
I LOST EVERYTHING.

HIS MOTHER USED TO TRY
TO TALK TO HIM.

HE WOULDN'T TAKE
ANYTHING FROM HER.

THERE WAS NO
GETTING THROUGH TO HIM.

I WASN'T GOING TO LET HIM
MAKE A FOOL OF ME. WHAT FOR?

BECAUSE HE'S MY SON?

HE OWED ME PLENTY,
DON'T YOU THINK?

I SAID, "FORGET, YOU'RE NOT
PUTTING ME THROUGH A RINGER."

I REALLY SHOWED THE KID.

DIDN'T I?

-DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, MAN.

-YEAH, WHY NOT?

-I'M A LOT QUICKER THAN YOU ARE.

-LOOK, I NEVER TOUCHED
YOUR SPEED SLIDE.

-YOU DON'T BLAME THE PARK
FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR KID?

MADDEN: NO, I DON'T.

IF HE HADN'T JUMPED HERE,

HE WOULD'VE JUMPED OFF
A FREEWAY OVERPASS.

HE WOULD'VE OD'D, HE WOULD'VE
WRAPPED HIS CAR AROUND A TREE.

MY BOY WAS DETERMINED
TO KILL HIMSELF.

AND THERE WASN'T ANYTHING
ANYBODY COULD DO TO STOP HIM.

[SIGHS]

[SAD SONG]

-YEAH, THAT STUFF HOLDS A LOT.

-OH, I HOPE I HAVEN'T COME
AT A BAD TIME?

-EXCUSE ME.

WHAT'S UP?

-I KNOW WHY HOBIE ACTED
THE WAY HE DID.

IT WAS REALLY VERY NOBLE OF HIM,
STANDING UP FOR YOU LIKE THAT.

-MS. KELLER--

KELLER: AMANDA.

-AMANDA.

I'VE BEEN DEALING
WITH A CERTAIN STEREOTYPING

ALL MY PROFESSIONAL LIFE.

I'M SORRY HOBIE
GOT TEASED ABOUT IT,

BUT I'M EVEN SORRIER
HE TOOK IT OUT ON ANOTHER KID.

KELLER: I WANNA
TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

I WANT ANOTHER CHANCE
TO BRING HOBIE'S CLASS HERE.

-OH.

WELL, WHAT
ABOUT THE OTHER PARENTS?

I MEAN, THE ONES WHO OBJECTED
THE BAYWATCH IN THE FIRST PLACE?

-WELL, I'LL INVITE THEM ALONG
SO THEY CAN SEE FOR THEMSELVES

IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.

-WE'LL HAVE TO TALK
ABOUT THAT ONE.

-OVER DINNER?

-YEAH.

YEAH, DINNER WILL BE FINE.

SARAH:[SCREAMS]

STOP IT, TAD!

NO, NO, NO.

[TENSE MUSIC]

-HE DID IT. HE DID EVERYTHING.
THE PUMP, THE SLIDE.

HE'S THE ONE.

[FRANTIC MUSIC]

-HEY.

-CORT, COME ON.

TAD'S OUR GUY.

[TENSE MUSIC]

-COME AT HIM FROM THE TOP!

OH.

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

-[PANTS]

-DAMN.

-HIM?

-YEAH, HIM.

-I JUST LOVE READING PEOPLE
THEIR RIGHTS.

COME ON, FELLA, COME ON.

-GREAT JOB, GARNER.

-THANK YOU.

-THANKS, TOMMY.

-THIS IS A GREAT TABLE.

YOU MUST BE
A GOOD CUSTOMER HERE.

-ACTUALLY, TOMMY'S ONE
OF MY LIFEGUARDS.

HE GIVES ME A GOOD TABLE,
I GIVE HIM A GOOD TOWER.

-YOU KNOW, I HOPE YOU
DON'T THINK I WAS TOO FORWARD.

I JUST WANTED
TO GET A CHANCE TO--

TO GET TO KNOW YOU.

-NO, ACTUALLY, I THOUGHT
THAT WAS KIND OF SWEET.

-TODAY, I'M NOT
YOUR SON'S TEACHER.

[CHUCKLES]

-AND TODAY I'M NOT
THE PARENT OF THE KID

WITH THE MOST FEARED
LEFT HOOK IN THE SEVENTH GRADE.

DO ME A FAVOR.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

PICK A NICE WINE,
SOMETHING DRY.

BRING US A BOTTLE OF THE NEWTON
CELLARS CHARDONNAY, PLEASE.

-DID YOU ORDER THE WINE YET?

GOOD.

WHAT DID YOU DECIDE ON?

-A CHARDONNAY.
IS THAT ALL RIGHT?

-A CHARDONNAY? PERFECT.

[ENDING THEME PLAYS]