Baywatch (1989–2001): Season 1, Episode 13 - Home Cort - full transcript
John D. Cort, a charming rogue and old friend of Mitch's, returns to Baywatch and recruits a friend of his during his days in the Navy to help carry out a shady deal. Meanwhile, Shauni and Jill decide to go into business together by selling sandwiches on the beach to try and put another vendor, who sells questionable sandwiches, out of business.
[BEGINNING THEME ']
-♪ SOME PEOPLE STAND
IN THE DARKNESS ♪
♪ AFRAID TO STEP
INTO THE LIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEED
TO HELP SOMEBODY ♪
♪ WHEN THE EDGE OF
SURRENDER'S IN SIGHT ♪
♪ DON'T YOU WORRY
♪ IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT
♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY
♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ NEVER YOU FEAR
♪ NO, DON'T YOU FEAR
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS
♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE
♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY
♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪
♪ OH
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ NEVER YOU FEAR
♪ NO, DON'T YOU FEAR
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS
♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[MUSIC AND PEOPLE'S MURMUR]
-NO, REALLY.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT--
-[LAUGHS]
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
-DON'T TELL ME,
YOU MEANT TO DO THAT?
-ACTUALLY, THAT'S A SHOT
I PICKED UP IN TANGIER.
NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE EVER
SEEN THAT BEFORE IN THE STATES.
-[LAUGHS] AND WHAT WERE
YOU DOING IN TANGIER?
-WELL, YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE FAVOR FOR THE NAVY.
-SOMEHOW, I DON'T PICTURE
YOU WORKING FOR THE NAVY.
-NEITHER DID THEY.
-[LAUGHS]
SO, I THINK I LIKE
THE NAVY PANTS THE BEST.
-YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE
ALL THOSE BUTTONS.
-ZIPPERS.
NO, I WAS SEAL.
I WAS IN THE WETSUITS
MOST OF THE TIME.
-HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
-YOU HERE ALL BY YOURSELF,
SWEET THING?
-YEAH. SORT OF.
-HEY, FRIEND.
-GUESS NOT. YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
-NO.
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU DO.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU CAN
COME UP WITH A REAL GOOD REASON
WHY MY GIRLFRIEND'S EAR
WAS JUST IN YOUR MOUTH.
-OH, RED, WE WERE JUST--
-BUTTON IT, MELINDA!
-I WAS JUST SHOWING HER
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO KISS A MAN
WHOSE BREATH DOESN'T
SMELL LIKE CAT FOOD.
-[GROANS]
-OOH, I'D HAVE THAT LOOKED AT.
I THINK IT'S BROKEN.
[MEN SHOUTING]
-NOT THE FACE, YOU!
[THUMP]
-MAN: HEY, LOOK AT THAT!
-[GROANS]
-SOMETHING OF A PANSY
THERE, AREN'T YOU, RED?
GIVE ME THAT HAT. COME ON.
[ENGINE ROARING]
YOU GOOD?
-RED: HE HAS MY BIKE, TOO!
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
-[GROANS]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-WHOO!
-[LAUGHS]
-[RADIO] 1097.
GIVE US A CALL BACK
11 CASTLEROCK.
-WHOO-HOO!
-[LAUGHS]
-CORT: OH MAN. WANT TO
HAVE A LITTLE FUN, HUH?
-WE'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT, JOHN.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
STAND ANY MORE FUN.
-WELL, YOU BETTER
HANG ON, SWEETHEART.
BETTER HANG ON!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-[RADIO] WE HAVE A 460,
A MOTORCYCLE ON THE BEACH.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[MOTORCYCLE'S ENGINE STOPS]
-HEY WHAT DO YOU--?
-THINK I'M DOING?
-I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
-OH, I'M JUST HAVING
A LITTLE FUN.
HEY, MELINDA, SAY HI TO MITCH.
-HI, MITCH.
-HE'S A LIFEGUARD.
-[SIGHS]
-I'M BACK.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-CORT: WELL, TOOK OFF
ON THIS GUY'S BIKE,
AND THEN WE SPENT THE NIGHT
UP IN TOPANGA CANYON.
-TOOK OFF ON A GUY'S BIKE?
-YOU STOLE HIS MOTORCYCLE.
-NO. WE BORROWED IT, ALL RIGHT.
MELINDA'S GOING
TO RETURN IT OR SELL IT.
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH.
-BRAWLS, WOMEN, MOTORCYCLES,
I MEAN, WHEN ARE YOU
GOING TO SLOW DOWN, DUDE?
-YEAH, YOU SEEN MUCH OF SAM?
-NO. HIS JOB KEEPS
HIM PRETTY BUSY.
-YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
IF I'D KNOWN HE WANTED
TO BORROW THAT MONEY
TO START THAT DIVE SHOP,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE
GIVEN IT TO HIM.
-WHY? HE'S DOING PRETTY GOOD.
-YEAH. FOR A STRAIGHT JOB.
I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING
TO USE THAT CASH
TO ROMANCE THIS SWEET
YOUNG THING IN VEGAS.
-[LAUGHS]
-WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
-CORT. ALL RIGHT.
-HOW YOU DOING?
-YOU KNOW, SAM TAKES
HIS JOB PRETTY SERIOUSLY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE'S
STARTING TO MAKE A FEW BUCKS.
-WELL, IS HE STILL A LIFEGUARD?
-JUST ENOUGH TO KEEP CURRENT,
WHICH, I PRESUME,
IS WHY YOU'RE HERE.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
EXCUSE ME. BUCANNON.
IT'S FOR YOU.
-YEAH, SORRY, MAN.
YO. HANG ON, HANG ON A SEC.
HEY, MITCH, YOU GOT A PEN?
-[SIGHS]
-NO, NO. TONIGHT'S FINE.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL CATCH
YOU LATER, JACK.
I HAD TO GIVE PEOPLE
YOUR PHONE NUMBER, YOU KNOW
-I NOTICED.
-MITCH, WE NEED SOMEONE
ON TOWER 5. WE'VE GOT A--
-CRAIG, HOW YOU DOING MAN?
-HEY, CORT.
-GOOD TO SEE YOU.
-WHEN DID YOU GET BACK?
-THIS MORNING.
I WANTED TO HAVE MITCH THROW ME
A TOWER FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS,
GET MY TEN DAYS IN
SO I CAN STAY ON THE LIST.
-WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER?
-BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS.
WHERE'S SAMMY'S SHOP?
I WANNA SAY HI TO THE BUM.
-THE BUM IS RIGHT NEXT
TO THE VENICE STRAND CAFE.
-CAN'T MISS IT.
-CATCH YOU GUYS LATER.
-SEE YOU.
SO, TOWER 5, CORT?
-THAT'S TERRIFIC.
YOUR TIMING'S PERFECT.
-SHAUNI: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU
WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE SANDWICH.
-HOW CAN THAT BE. LOOK,
I'M ALL OUT OF HOAGIES.
PEOPLE AT THE BEACH, THEY
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM.
-GO AHEAD. TRY IT.
-I DON'T EAT MEAT.
-WELL I DO! I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS MEAT IS ROTTEN
-IS THAT SO. YOU ATE HALF OF IT.
COULDN'T YOU TELL
ON THE FIRST BITE?
-HOW COULD I? THERE WAS
NO MEAT IN THE FIRST BITE,
OR THE SECOND, OR THE THIRD.
-OH, YOU'RE A PIECE
OF WORK, LADY.
FIRST THE MEAT IS BAD
AND THEN THERE'S
NOT ENOUGH OF IT.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND?
-SANDWICH?
-NO.
-I'VE GOT FRESH EGG SALAD.
-FORGET IT. I DON'T WANT
TO DEAL WITH A CROOK.
-CROOK? ME?
-HERE'S A BUCK. I FIGURE YOU
ATE ABOUT THREE BUCKS' WORTH.
FINE. DON'T LET IT EVER BE SAID
THAT BUDDY T. SEMPLE IS NOT
AN HONEST BUSINESS MAN.
-WHAT A CREEP!
-WHY'D YOU BUY A SANDWICH
FROM HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?
-BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY.
BUDDY'S HAD AN MONOPOLY
ON FOOD AT THE BEACH
EVER SINCE MR. STEIN'S
WEENIE WAGON SHUT DOWN.
-FREE ENTERPRISE.
YOU CAN'T BEAT IT.
-SURE WE CAN.
WHY DON'T WE GIVE
THAT LITTLE WEASEL
A HEALTHY DOSE OF COMPETITION?
-AS IN SELLING SANDWICHES?
-WELL, HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
WE'LL MAKE THEM AT NIGHT.
WE CAN TAKE TURNS SELLING
THEM ON OUR DAYS OFF.
-I DON'T KNOW, SHAUNI.
-COME ON!
THE GUY IS OVERCHARGING LIKE
CRAZY FOR REALLY BAD FOOD.
THINK ABOUT IT. WE'LL BE
DOING A PUBLIC SERVICE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-[THROWS PLATE AWAY]
-HUFF!
OKAY...
THIS GUY MUST BE
ONE DESPERATE HOMBRE.
-[LAUGHS]
-WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING, HUH?
-WELL, I WAS DOING
A LITTLE SPRING CLEANING.
I CAN'T GET MY GEAR STOWED
UNTIL I CLEAN THIS JUNK OUT.
-I HATE TO TELL YOU, BUB,
BUT YOU'RE CLEANING OUT
THE WRONG LOCKER.
-NO, NO. ACTUALLY, THIS IS
THE RIGHT ONE. THANKS, MAN.
-NO, NO. THIS IS MY LOCKER.
-WELL, TRUST ME.
IN ABOUT TEN DAYS
IT WILL BE YOURS AGAIN,
ALL RIGHT?
IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK
I SAW A SPARE HOOK
OVER THERE IN THE SHOWER ROOM.
-YOU DID?
-YEAH.
-IS THAT RIGHT?
-YEAH.
-YOU KNOW, THAT ONE'S FREE,
BUT THE NEXT ONE WILL COST YOU.
I'M JOHN D. CORT.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
-EDDIE KRAMER.
-[LAUGHS] PLEASE
TO MEET YOU, EDDIE
YOU KNOW, THIS LOCKER
WAS MINE WAY BACK
WHEN I USED TO PATROL
THIS BEACH FULL-TIME.
WE HAD SOME GREAT MEMORIES
FLY AROUND HERE THEN.
-SO, HOW COME I AIN'T
SEEN YOU AROUND?
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
BEEN BACK IN A WHILE.
YOU PACKED ONE HELL
OF A MEAN RIGHT HOOK
BUT I TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR LOCK.
GET YOURSELF A BETTER ONE.
-HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
-[WHISTLES]
-JACK: WELL, J.D.,
YOU'RE EVEN ON TIME.
-MIRACLES NEVER CEASE, HUH?
SO, WHAT IS IT THIS TIME, JACK?
CIGARETTES? COUNTERFEIT
DESIGNER BLUE JEANS?
PERHAPS SOME MORE OF THOSE
NAUGHTY MOVIES YOU LIKE SO MUCH?
-EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW.
-PHEW...
WHEN DO I GO?
-DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
[MOTORCYCLE'S ENGINE ROARING]
-WELL.
-I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT?
-PROBABLY NOT, SWEETHEART.
BUT I WILL CALL YOU.
-MAN: COME ON, SAM, GIVE ME
A BREAK ON THE BOARD.
-SAM: THIS IS A CUSTOM JOB.
IT'S ONE OF A KIND.
$200 AND IT'S YOURS.
-HOW MUCH YOU GIVE ME
FOR MY OLD BOARD?
-FIFTY.
-A HUNDRED.
-SEVENTY-FIVE.
-DONE.
PLEASURE DOING BUSINESS
WITH YOU, SAM.
-RIGHT.
-WELL, YOU SHOULD
HAVE KEPT HAGGLING.
YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE KID
TO TAKE THE BOARD FOR FREE.
-[LAUGHS] CORT!
-WHAT DO YOU SAY, SAMMY?
-GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
-YOU TOO.
GEEZ. WELL, WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THIS PLACE?
THIS IS GREAT.
GEEZ, I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
YOU WOULD HAVE MADE IT
IN THE BUSINESS WORLD.
-IT'S NOT EXACTLY HIGH FINANCE,
BUT I DO HAVE A BOAT
IN THE MARINA.
I TAKE PEOPLE OUT SCUBA DIVING,
SELL A FEW SURF BOARDS,
EVEN PUTTING A FEW
BUCKS IN THE BANK.
-SAMMY?
-ALL RIGHT.
I'M ALMOST BREAKING EVEN.
-WELL, THE WAY YOU DO
BUSINESS AROUND HERE,
I'D SAY, YOU'RE
LUCKY TO DO THAT.
-HOW LONG ARE YOU IN FOR?
-YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS
THE SPIRIT MOVES ME,
OR UNTIL YOU KICK ME OUT.
-GREAT.
-HEY, I WANT TO CHARTER
YOUR BOAT.
-HEY, COME ON, MAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
-NO, NO.
IT'S A BUSINESS DEAL HERE
I'VE GOT A DIVE TO MAKE AND
I WANT YOU TO GO DOWN WITH ME.
$2500 FOR A COUPLE HOURS WORK?
-WHAT ARE WE DIVING FOR?
-JUST A FEW IMPORTANT CRATES
FELL OVERBOARD
BEFORE THEY COULD CLEAR CUSTOMS,
A GUY I KNOW WANTS THEM BACK.
-JOHN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-OH, HEY, COME ON, MAN.
THIS IS NOTHING ILLEGAL.
WELL, NOT TOO ILLEGAL ANYWAY.
THERE'S NO DRUGS, NO WEAPONS.
NOTHING MORE THAN DEPRIVING
THE TAX MAN OF A LITTLE TARIFF.
-WELL, IF THAT'S ALL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
-I KNEW THE TAX THING
WOULD GET YOU.
AFTER ALL THE TIME WE SPENT
IN UNCLE SAM'S NAVY.
-AS LONG AS YOU'RE STAYING...
PUMP UP YOUR OWN DAMN MATTRESS.
-[LAUGHS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
-WHO DOES THIS GUY
THINK HE IS,
WALKING IN HERE LIKE
HE'S CLINT EASTWOOD?
SHANI, WOULD YOU THROW
ME MY T-SHIRT, PLEASE?
-I THINK HE'S MUCH
BETTER LOOKING THAN CLINT.
-BUTT OUT.
-HOW CAN I BUTT OUT
WHEN ALL YOUR STUFF
IS JAMMED IN MY LOCKER?
-I HEARD YOU HIT HIM.
-YEAH, I HIT HIM.
THE GUY TRASHED MY LOCKER.
HE'S LUCKY I DIDN'T KILL HIM.
-FORGET ABOUT THE LOCKER.
IT'S SENIORITY.
IT'S JUST FOR A WEEK.
AND THE GUY'S A NAVY SEAL.
HE'S A TRAINED KILLER.
YOU DON'T--
-SO, WHAT? I CAN HANDLE MYSELF.
-WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH
A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT?
-BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HIM.
THAT'S WHY.
-EDDIE, INSTEAD OF LOOKING
TO FIGHT WITH THE GUY,
TAKE THE TIME
TO GET TO KNOW HIM.
-THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
-WELL, I THINK YOU OUGHT
TO GIVE HIM A BREAK.
-SHAUNI: ME TOO!
-THE TRUTH IS, YOU KIND
OF REMIND ME OF CORT.
-WHAT?
-YOU'VE BOTH GOT A SHORT FUSE.
-SHAUNI: THAT'S TRUE.
-SHAUNI, COULD I HAVE MY TRUNKS?
[SENSUAL MUSIC]
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
A ROGUE LIKE YOU ACTUALLY
DOING THIS EVERY MORNING.
-DON'T START.
IT'S A DECENT JOB.
NO CAPTAINS, NO LIEUTENANTS,
NOBODY TO ANSWER TO BUT MYSELF.
-FINE. GREAT. COOL.
IF YOU WANT TO COMMUNE
WITH THE SURFERS AND DEADHEADS,
WHO AM I TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO?
BUT YOU WILL FILL
THE TANKS, RIGHT?
GAS UP THE BOAT,
MAKE THE SANDWICHES?
-LOOK. I SLEPT ON IT.
I DON'T LIKE THIS BURTON.
CIGARETTES, PORN FLICKS,
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS
WHAT THIS GUY IS INTO.
AS LONG AS IT'S NOT
DRUGS OR ARMS,
I DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS,
AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.
I MEAN, YOUR SPLIT'S WORTH WHAT,
TWO OR THREE-WEEKS' WORTH
OF HARD LABOR AT THIS PLACE?
-ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
-I'LL DO IT.
-ALL RIGHT.
-BUT YOU MAKE THE SANDWICHES.
-FINE.
-BUDDY: HOAGIES, ROAST BEEF,
HAM AND CHEESE.
HOAGIES, GET YOUR HOAGIES.
ROAST BEEF, HAM AND CHEESE.
I'VE GOT SANDWICHES.
I'VE GOT COLD DRINKS.
WHO NEEDS SOMETHING TO EAT?
I'VE GOT ALL KINDS OF STUFF.
SANDWICHES, HOAGIES,
ROAST BEEF, HAM AND CHEESE.
SANDWICHES, FOLKS?
ONLY 4 BUCKS A PIECE.
MADE WITH TENDER LOVING CARE.
WHAT WILL IT BE?
-BEAT IT.
-BEAT IT?
-BEAT IT.
-I WORKED LIKE A DOG TOTING THIS
COOLER UP AND DOWN THE BEACH
SO GUYS LIKE YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO EAT,
AND YOU TELL ME TO BEAT IT?
NOT FAIR, MOI CAPITAN.
I HAVE A LOVELY SHRIMP SALAD
ON A CROISSANT WITH SPROUTS.
-THAT SOUNDS NICE.
-YOU JUST SHOVED THAT
WOMAN'S CHICKEN SANDWICH
DOWN YOUR THROAT LESS
THAN TWO MINUTES AGO.
-BY THE WAY, SHE CHARGES
3 BUCKS FOR HERS.
-THREE BUCKS? WHAT GIRL?
-I DON'T KNOW. SOME GIRL.
I THINK SHE'S A LIFEGUARD.
AND SHE'S GOT A HELL OF A LOT
BETTER LOOKING LEGS THAN YOU.
-OH, THAT'S REALLY NICE.
-WHAT?
-YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
AT OTHER GIRLS.
-CORT: HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN TO JAMAICA?
-NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
MY TRAVELS CONSIST OF A FIVE-DAY
BUS RIDE FROM PHILLY TO LA.
-AT LEAST YOU GOT TO SEE
THE COUNTRY, HUH?
-NO. I HAD AN AISLE SEAT
AND THE WINDOWS WERE DIRTY.
-WELL, YOU'LL MAKE IT
TO THE ISLANDS ONE DAY.
I'LL TELL YOU,
JAMAICA IS A SWEET PLACE.
-YEAH? HOW LONG WERE YOU THERE?
-NEARLY TWO YEARS.
-DOING WHAT?
-MOSTLY FEEDING FROZEN
PEAS TO THE GROUPERS.
MAN, THEY FIGHT LIKE HELL
FOR THESE DAMN PEAS.
-AND WHEN YOU WEREN'T FEEDING
FROZEN PEAS TO THE GROUPERS,
WHAT'D YOU DO FOR MONEY, HUH?
-I HAD A BOAT,
TANKS, SNORKEL GEAR.
IF I GOT DESPERATE ENOUGH,
I'D SNAG TOURISTS
WITH MY JACQUES COUSTEAU
IMITATION.
[LAUGHS] GIVE THEM BEER,
PRETZELS AND A RIDE TO THE REEF.
LET THEM RIDE A SEA TURTLE,
SNAP SOME PICTURES.
GET UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL
WITH A SAND SHARK.
I'M TELLING YOU, EDDIE,
YOU'VE GOT TO GET THERE.
THE AIR WAS SWEET.
THE RUM WAS SWEET.
-AND THE WOMEN?
-WELL, THEY WERE SWEET, TOO.
-NO, YOU'RE GIVING ME GAS!
-HEY!
-[SCREAMS]
-HEY, HEY, HEY!
-ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
-ANYTHING WE CAN DO HERE?
-YEAH, YOU CAN GET
OUT OF MY FACE.
-HEY, MAN--
-WHOA, EDDIE.
THIS GUY LOOKS
LIKE HE DANGEROUS.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, KILLER?
-YOU DON'T WANT TO FIND OUT.
-NO. YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
-WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE
YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND
FOR A WALK THEN, HUH?
-[GROANS]
-NOW, WHERE EXACTLY WOULD
YOU LIKE ME TO WALK?
-OKAY. OKAY. I GET THE MESSAGE.
-ALL RIGHT.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE BEACH?
-WOMAN: SEE, MARTIN!
-THAT'S NOT THE WAY WE
DO THINGS AROUND HERE, MAN.
BUT IT IS EFFECTIVE.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
-♪ I'M HYPNOTIZED
♪ BY WHAT'S BEFORE ME
♪ YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D
COULD CAST A SPELL ♪
♪ I'M PARALYZED
♪ I WANNA BREAK FREE
♪ YOU'RE NOT THE KIND
OF KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ SO GOOD. SO FINE
♪ I WANNA MAKE YOU MINE
♪ YOU'RE THE FIRE
I WANT SO MUCH ♪
♪ YOUR HEAT IS
A BURNING CANDLE ♪
♪ A FLAMING EMBER
YOU CAN'T TOUCH ♪
♪ YOU'RE TOO HOT,
TOO HOT TO HANDLE ♪
♪ STOP AND STARE
♪ YOU'RE AN OBSESSION
♪ FOR EVERY GIRL,
IT'S PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I'D BE THERE
WITH MY AFFECTION ♪
♪ IF I COULD MAKE
YOU NOTICE ME ♪
♪ SO GOOD. SO FINE
♪ I WANNA MAKE YOU MINE
♪ YOU ARE THE FIRE
I WANT SO MUCH ♪
♪ YOUR HEAT IS
A BURNING CANDLE ♪
-HERE YOU GO.
-THANKS.
I'M SO HUNGRY.
-ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.
-OKAY. THANKS A LOT.
-HEY, HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
-OH, HELLO, BUDDY.
COULD I INTEREST YOU IN A
LITTLE CREAM CHEESE AND OLIVE?
-THIS IS MY BEACH, LADY.
-IT'S ON WHOLE GRAIN BREAD.
-IT'S MY BEACH.
THESE ARE MY CUSTOMERS.
-DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE AFRAID
OF A LITTLE HEALTHY COMPETITION?
AND I DO MEAN HEALTHY.
-SAYS WHO?
-WE'VE GOT THREE LEFT,
AND WE STARTED WITH 40.
-WHAT A WORLD! USING YOUR
INFLUENCE AS A LIFEGUARD
TO PEDDLE YOUR WARES.
-I'M NOT A LIFEGUARD
TODAY, BUDDY.
JUST A LITTLE
OLD-FASHIONED COOKING.
-OH YEAH? I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT IT IS.
IT'S-- IT'S AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.
-YOU JUST HAVE AN
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE,
USING YOUR BODY TO DRIVE
ME OUT OF THE MARKETPLACE
-BUDDY, GO AWAY.
-YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
IT'S A BLATANT EXAMPLE
OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
A PROBLEM THAT I AM MORE THAN
A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST
OF BUDDY T. SEMPLE.
HOAGIES, ROAST BEEF,
HAM AND CHEESE!
GET YOUR HOAGIES.
I'VE GOT COLD CUTS.
I'VE GOT SOFT DRINKS. I'VE GOT
ICE CREAM. WHAT DO YOU NEED?
-CORT: SAM, IT'S GREAT
TO BE OUT IN THE CHOP AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, WE HADN'T DONE THIS
IS IN A LONG, LONG TIME.
-HOW LONG YOU FIGURE
THIS IS GOING TO TAKE US?
-A FEW HOURS TOPS.
PIECE OF CAKE.
-I REMEMBER A CERTAIN
SEAL MISSION
YOU THOUGHT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE.
INDIAN OCEAN SOUND FAMILIAR?
-WELL, THAT COULDN'T BE HELPED.
SHE WAS GORGEOUS.
-SHE WAS ROYALTY.
IF IT WASN'T FOR ME,
YOU'D BE WEARING A TURBAN.
-[LAUGHS]
OKAY.
-SEE YOU OVER.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[EXPLOSION]
-HIS NAME IS JACK BURTON.
I'VE WORKED FOR HIM BEFORE.
-GARNER: YOU MEAN SMUGGLED.
-HEY, GARNER, I DIVE AND
SALVAGE. IT'S A SERVICE.
LIKE BEING A TOW TRUCK DRIVER.
-COME ON, MAN. YOU LIED TO ME.
THIS WHOLE STORY
ABOUT YOU COMING IN TOWN
TO PUT IN YOUR TEN DAYS WAS
JUST A FRONT, WASN'T IT?
-WOULD YOU GET OFF MY CASE!
LIKE TVS AND COMPUTERS.
THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE.
I DON'T SMUGGLE.
NOBODY WAS SUPPOSED
TO DIE, MITCH.
LEAST OF ALL SAM.
-[SIGHS]
-HEY, BURTON, GET YOUR
UGLY FACE OUT HERE!
-HEY, I WANT YOU TO CHILL.
-IS YOUR NAME JACK BURTON?
-YES, IT IS.
IF YOU'RE COLLECTING FOR
CHARITY, I ALREADY GAVE.
-OFFICER ELLERBEE, LAPD.
-[CLEARS HIS THROAT]
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
-THAT'S A NICE TRY, JACK.
TOLD THEM ALL ABOUT
YOUR SUNKEN TREASURE.
-SUNKEN TREASURE?
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
SOMETHING TO ME?
-YOU SET ME UP, MAN!
-HEY!
-YOU NEVER SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT ANY--
-I TOLD YOU TO CHILL!
NOW GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
-YOU'RE A LYING PIECE OF SCUM!
I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, JACK!
-COME ON. KNOCK IT OFF.
-CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING
TO DRINK, OFFICER?
-WE'D CHECK WITH
SID FIRST, YOU KNOW.
MAKE SURE CAPTAIN THORP WAS
ON THE PHONE WITH SOME HONCHO--
-BEFORE BARGING IN AND DROPPING
A LIVE LOBSTER ON HIS DESK.
-YOU'RE KIDDING?
-NO.
AND THORP WOULD TURN RED
AND HE'D SLAM DOWN THE PHONE
AND HE'D START HOLLERING
THAT THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL
WE CAUGHT THIS RED
BARON IN THE BAY!
THAT IT HAD TO BE STRAIGHT
FROM DEAN'S FISH MARKET
DOWN IN VENICE.
I'D SAY, "CAPTAIN THORP,
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US,
YOU JUST STRAP ON YOUR TANKS
AND I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT OUT
THERE TO THE DAMN LOBSTER,
AND SHOW YOU WHERE THIS
LITTLE GUY WENT TO SCHOOL."
-THERE WAS NO CHANCE IN HELL
THAT THORP WAS GOING
TO GO DIVING.
SO, HE'D GIVE UP AND
HE'D GIVE SAM 20 BUCKS,
AND YELL AT SID TO
BRING HIM A BUCKET.
-WE'D THANK HIM FOR THE SALE,
AND WE'D GET THE HELL OUT.
-WHAT WAS IT?
DID YOU GUYS HAVE SECRET
LOBSTER BED OR SOMETHING?
-[LAUGHS]
-YEAH.
DEAN'S FISH MARKET IN VENICE.
-[LAUGHS]
-EVERY TIME THEY'D PLAY
THAT JOKE ON THORP,
IT'D COST HIM 35 BUCKS.
-THAT'S TRUE.
BUT IT WAS WORTH IT JUST TO,
JUST TO SEE SAM
BUST A GUT TELLING EVERY
GIRL ABOUT IT ON THE BEACH.
YEAH. MAN, HE'D--
WELL, HE'D-- HE'D
LIVED ON IT FOR WEEKS.
I GUESS THE TIME WITH YOUR
FRIENDS ON, YOU MORON.
[SIGHS]
-HEY, EDDIE?
-YEAH?
-I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
-SURE, WHAT?
-WELL, IF I TELL ANOTHER ONE
OF THESE LAME SAM STORIES,
I WANT YOU TO JUST TURN
MY LIGHTS OUT. OKAY?
-DEAL.
-OKAY.
-TRADE THAT BOTTLE OF TEQUILA
IN FOR A CUP OF COFFEE?
-[SIGHS] NO, NO.
-IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP, CORT.
-AND WHO'S LOOKING
FOR HELP, MAN?
AS SOON AS I GET GOOD AND
ROCKED, I'M OUT OF HERE.
-DO YOU NEED A RIDE
TO THE AIRPORT?
-I'M OUT OF THIS HOUSE, MITCH,
NOT OUT OF THIS TIME ZONE.
I CAN WALK BACK
TO THE SHOP FROM HERE.
WELL...
[GROANS]
MITCH, BUD, GET THIS
THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
I'M NOT GONE UNTIL
I SQUARE THINGS FOR SAM.
-IS THAT RIGHT?
-RIGHT.
-WELL, PARTNER, YOU'VE
GOT A REAL SHORT MEMORY.
NOT A LOT OF GOOD THINGS
HAPPEN WHEN YOU STICK AROUND.
-I NEVER SAID I WAS
GOING TO BE GOOD.
-OH, BOY.
[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]
-EDDIE: ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
-ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T
HAVE GILLS.
-HEY, DO WE HAVE SPEARGUNS?
-THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
SHARKS WON'T BOTHER US.
-SHARKS?
-EDDIE, WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T TOUCH A THING.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
-SHAUNI: $24, $36,
$41, $51, $56.
-HOW WE DOING?
-GREAT.
I THINK WE ACTUALLY
EVEN MADE A FEW DOLLARS.
HERE'S YOUR SHARE, $64.
-YOU'RE KIDDING? THAT'S GREAT.
-OF COURSE, WE COULD
FOREGO PAYING OURSELVES
A SALARY THIS WEEK AND REINVEST.
-IN WHAT, ONION ROLLS?
-WE SHOULD BROADEN OUR BASE.
I MEAN, THERE'S SUNBLOCK
AND VISORS, THONGS.
-T-SHIRTS WITH LIFEGUARD LOGOS?
-YES! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
-SHAUNI, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-WE DIDN'T GET
INTO THIS BUSINESS
TO BECOME BEACH HUCKSTERS.
-TREVOR: GOOD DAY.
-THAT WILL BE $3, PLEASE.
-[LAUGHS] YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?
-CASH ONLY.
-WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
LIFEGUARD DISCOUNT?
-UH-UH.
-SORRY.
-WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY
MONEY ON ME. ALL RIGHT?
-I THINK WE SHOULD AT LEAST
CONSIDER DOING A MARKET SURVEY.
-SHAUNI.
-JUST A THOUGHT.
-I'M GOING TO THE STORE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME
AND WE'LL TAKE ABOUT IT
OVER THE COLD CUTS?
-YOU KNOW, IF WE KEEP SELLING
SANDWICHES AT THIS RATE,
WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DRIVE
BUDDY RIGHT OUT OF BUSINESS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
EXPAND TO DESSERTS.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
-YOU KNOW, IF SAM HADN'T
BEEN IN SUCH A DAMN HURRY,
HE WOULD HAVE SEEN
THIS CRATE WAS RIGGED.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-THIS GUY WAS A PRO.
SEE THIS PIECE HERE?
THE SAME KIND OF DETONATION
DEVICE WE USE IN THE SEALS.
-SO, WHAT ABOUT THIS
JACK BURTON? HUH?
WAS HE IN THE NAVY?
-NO WAY.
-AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?
-[ENGINE STARTS]
-DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES
FROM YOUR NAVY DAYS?
-PULL THE ANCHOR IN, WILL YOU?
[TURNING SWITCHES]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-[SIGHS]
-[APPLAUSE]
-IT WAS QUITE A SHOW YOU PUT ON.
ALMOST HAD ME IN TEARS.
-TEARS, HUH?
JACK, THAT LITTLE
SURPRISE OF YOURS
PUT YOU RIGHT AT THE TOP
OF MY PAYBACK LIST.
-IS THAT RIGHT?
-YEAH, YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.
YEAH, AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
NAMES DON'T LAST
THERE VERY LONG.
-GET YOUR HEAD TOGETHER, CORT.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH THE EXPLOSION.
WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT
TO BLOW UP MY OWN STUFF?
-YOU GET YOUR DOG, PUT HIM ON
A LEASH AND GET HIM OUT OF HERE
BEFORE HE MESSES ON THE FLOOR.
-YOU'RE GOING TO WISH
THAT HE WAS ON A LEASH,
IF YOU DON'T COME
ACROSS WITH MY STUFF.
-OH, YOU WANT YOUR STUFF?
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO. GET IT, PAL.
IT'S STILL AT THE BOTTOM.
IF I WERE YOU, I'D BE REAL
CAREFUL ABOUT TOUCHING IT.
NOW GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE!
TAKE YOUR PITBULL WITH YOU.
-WHAT'D BURTON WANT?
-OH, HE WANTED A DEAL
ON A NEW BOARD.
-OH, GEE, I HOPE
YOU GAVE IT TO HIM.
-OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW ME,
MR. BUSINESS MAN TO THE CORE.
-COME ON, CUT IT, WILL YOU?
YOU STILL THINK HE DID IT?
-NO.
NO, BECAUSE HE'S SMALL TIME.
-THEN WHO IS IT, JOHN?
WHO WANTS YOU DEAD?
-I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
LAST FEW YEARS, I'VE
GOTTEN ON THE WRONG SIDE
OF HALF A DOZEN HUSBANDS.
WENT FEW ROUNDS WITH
A TEAMSTER FROM CLEVELAND.
I GUESS I DID IRRITATE A CERTAIN
DICTATOR IN CENTRAL AMERICA.
AND MITCH, THANKS FOR
STOPPING BY, ALL RIGHT?
BUT I'VE GOT TO FLY
-WHERE YOU GOING?
-I'VE GOT A DATE.
-NOW?
-YEAH. SHE WORKS UNTIL 1.
-SOMEONE'S TRYING TO KILL YOU
AND YOU'RE GOING OUT ON A DATE?
-MELINDA MAKES YOU FORGET
YOUR TROUBLES, ALL RIGHT?
-OH, IN THAT CASE IT MAKES
THE WHOLE THING OKAY.
-I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
-COME ON, MITCH.
IF NOTHING ELSE,
I'LL LAY LOW FOR A WHILE,
STAY OUT OF GARNER'S WAY.
[BEEPING]
WHOA, MITCH!
[EXPLOSION]
-ANYBODY ELSE YOU CAN THINK
OF WHO MIGHT WANT YOU DEAD?
-GARNER: JACK BURTON'S
ALIBI CHECKS OUT.
-MITCH: YOU MENTIONED
ANOTHER GUY FROM THE NAVY.
WHAT WAS THE STORY
ON HIM ANYWAY?
-NAME'S GRANT.
HE WAS A DEMOLITIONS EXPERT
IN THE SEALS WITH ME AND SAM.
WE WENT ON A MISSION
IN THE MEDITERRANEAN
AND GRANT BROKE ORDERS.
USED TWICE AS MUCH
C4 AS WAS CALLED FOR.
THE PSYCHO KILLED
TWO OF MY DIVERS.
-C4, 30 POUNDS
OF PLASTIC WAS STOLEN
FROM THE SEAL TRAINING
BASE AT CORONADO.
-YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS IN THE NAVY?
-I HAVE FRIENDS DOWNTOWN.
THE LAB BOYS FOUND TRACES OF C4
IN THE FRAGMENTS YOU FOUND.
-OH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
-YOUR FRIEND GRANT, DOES HE
STILL HAS PALS DOWN THERE?
-YEAH. I MEAN THE GUY
DID A LOT OF TOURS.
I MEAN HE HAD,
HE HAD A FEW MEDALS.
QUITE A FEW GUYS THOUGHT I
NEVER SHOULD HAVE TURNED HIM IN.
STILL BLAMES ME FOR
TESTIFYING AGAINST HIM
IN HIS COURT MARTIAL.
-WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US
ABOUT THIS GUY BEFORE?
-WELL, THERE'S NO NEED.
HE'S ROTTING AWAY IN PRISON.
-YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, JOHN?
-YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.
HE'S DOING 10 TO 20 IN ATTICA.
THE GUY TRIED TO GET
A LOAN FROM A BANK.
THEY WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO HIM,
SO HE BLEW THE PLACE UP.
LOOK, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
I'M GOING TO CATCH SOME ZS.
-YOU CHECKING OUT HIS STORY?
-YOU'VE GOT THAT RIGHT.
-YOU WERE LUCKY, MAN.
-NO. WASN'T MUCH PLASTIC.
JUST ENOUGH TO SEND A MESSAGE.
-DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHO MIGHT HAVE DONE IT?
-MAYBE. I DON'T KNOW.
[PHONE RINGING]
-YEAH?
[TENSE MUSIC]
-YEAH, I NOTICED.
-HOW WAS YOUR SHAVE?
YEAH, STILL WEARING
THAT COCKY GRIN?
-YEAH, YEAH. YOU STILL BALD?
-SO, I GUESS IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME NOW THAT SAM'S DEAD, HUH?
-GRANT, YOU ARE ONE SICK PUPPY.
-LISTEN. I WANT TO MEET.
-SURE. WHY DON'T YOU COME ON
OVER. I'LL BUY YOU A DRINK,
AND THEN WE'LL TALK
ABOUT OLD TIMES.
-OH, DRINK.
HELL, I WAS THINKING
MORE ALONG THE LINES
OF CUTTING YOUR GUTS
OUT IN THE WATER.
-[LAUGHS] NO, NO.
IT'S A LITTLE TOO COLD.
-FULL GEAR, JUST LIKE OLD DAYS.
-WHEN?
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT 4?
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
I LOOK MY BEST.
-DON'T BE LATE.
-I WANT TO MEET YOUR FRIEND.
-NO. SORRY, EDDIE.
NO COPS, NO LIFEGUARDS
AND NO NEW FRIENDS.
NOW, I MEAN IT, MAN.
STAY CLEAR.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-HI!
-HEY.
-HOW'D YOU DO?
-NOT GOOD.
I DIDN'T SELL ONE SANDWICH.
-BUDDY?
-YEAH, I GUESS HE GOT
HERE FIRST THIS MORNING.
-MAYBE HE LOWERED HIS PRICES.
-MAYBE HE'S MAKING
BETTER SANDWICHES.
-YOU KNOW, EVEN IF WE GET STUCK
WITH ALL THESE SANDWICHES,
IT'S STILL NOT A TOTAL WASTE.
-HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
-WE FINALLY GOT BUDDY
TO STOP PEDDLING RANCID FOOD.
-MARTIN, I HATE YOU.
-WANDA, YOU'RE A FRUITCAKE!
EXCUSE ME. CAN I GET
SOME HELP HERE, PLEASE?
-MARTIN.
-WANDA, SHE'S A NUTCASE.
ALL I DID WAS BUY A SANDWICH
FROM THAT GUY OVER THERE.
THAT LITTLE DWEEBIE
GUY OVER THERE.
-OH, NO.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE BUDDY FOUND
A BETTER WAY TO LURE CUSTOMERS
THAN IMPROVING
THE QUALITY OF SANDWICHES.
-MARTIN: HELLO. HELLO.
HEY, HELLO. MY FACE HERE.
CAN YOU TAKE A LOOK
AT IT, PLEASE?
-OH, YEAH.
-THANKS.
[ENGINE STOPS]
-GRANT?
-OH!
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[SIRENS]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[SIRENS]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[AIR HISSING]
[SIRENS]
-THERE THEY ARE!
GET CLOSER.
[ACTION MUSIC]
[SIRENS]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
-MITCH: GRAB HIS MASK.
-[GROANS]
-EDDIE: YOU ALL RIGHT?
-YEAH.
-GARNER: MITCH, YOU OKAY?
-YEAH, I'M FINE.
-YEAH.
-COME ON.
LET'S GET HIM IN HERE.
-[GROANS]
-YOU OKAY, MAN?
-YEAH. NOT A SCRATCH.
[SIRENS]
-CORT: HEY, MITCH, THANKS!
-WE'LL TALK LATER, MAN.
-YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T GET?
-WHAT'S THAT?
-IF HE WANTED YOU DEAD SO BAD,
WHY DIDN'T HE JUST PUT
A GUN TO YOUR HEAD?
-BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BLOW ME
INTO LITTLE PIECES.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
-LET'S GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE, MAN.
[EXPLOSION]
-HEY, WHERE DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING?
-ON VACATION.
LIFE AROUND HERE IS
A LITTLE TOO HECTIC.
-NO, YOU CAN'T.
-WHY IS THAT?
-BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T
PUT IN YOUR DAYS YET.
-I GUESS MY LIFEGUARDING
CAREER IS OVER THEN.
-GOOD. I GET MY LOCKER BACK.
-THERE IS ANOTHER REASON.
SAM'S WILL, YOU'RE IN IT.
-NO KIDDING?
WHAT'D HE LEAVE ME?
SOME NEW GEAR?
OH, COME ON. NO WAY?
-YEP, THE PLACE
AND EVERYTHING IN IT.
AND A HEFTY MORTGAGE
AND LOTS OF BILLS
-WELL, GOOD OLD SAM.
WELL, NO WAY I'M LETTING
HIM GET THE LAST LAUGH.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
-WAIT, YOU CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY.
-OH, YEAH.
JUST WATCH ME.
-HI, DOLL. YOU GOT YOUR
TOOTHBRUSH PACKED?
-NOPE, BUT I'LL USE YOURS.
-OH!
-UHM.
-CRAIG, SELL THIS PLACE
FOR ME, WOULD YOU?
-I'LL TRY BUT I THINK YOU
SHOULD THINK TWICE ABOUT IT.
-YOU PUT A LITTLE WORK
INTO THIS PLACE,
YOU COULD PROBABLY
TURN A GOOD PROFIT.
-DO YOU WANT A JOB?
-NO WAY.
-COME ON, I THOUGHT WE WERE
FRIENDS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-YEAH.
-YEAH, WELL WE ARE. BUT I'M
NOT INTERESTED. ALL RIGHT?
-COME ONE. WE'LL BE BACK FROM--
WHERE'D YOU SAY WE'RE
GOING TO BE AGAIN?
-YUMA.
-YUMA?
NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO IN YUMA?
-I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M SURE
WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
-SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-COME ON.
-I DON'T WANT TO. ALL RIGHT? NO.
-ANYTHING YOU SELL
WILL GO INTO YOUR POCKET.
-I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
-THERE YOU GO.
THANKS, GUYS!
-HEY, CORT! CORT!
[MOTORCYCLE DRIVING AWAY]
HEY, YOU GUYS,
HOW ABOUT A TANK, HUH?
WET SUIT, SURF BOARD?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[ENDING THEME PLAYS]
-♪ SOME PEOPLE STAND
IN THE DARKNESS ♪
♪ AFRAID TO STEP
INTO THE LIGHT ♪
♪ SOME PEOPLE NEED
TO HELP SOMEBODY ♪
♪ WHEN THE EDGE OF
SURRENDER'S IN SIGHT ♪
♪ DON'T YOU WORRY
♪ IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT
♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY
♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ NEVER YOU FEAR
♪ NO, DON'T YOU FEAR
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS
♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE
♪ 'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS READY
♪ I WON'T LET YOU
OUT OF MY SIGHT ♪
♪ OH
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ NEVER YOU FEAR
♪ NO, DON'T YOU FEAR
♪ I'LL BE READY
♪ FOREVER AND ALWAYS
♪ I'M ALWAYS HERE
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[MUSIC AND PEOPLE'S MURMUR]
-NO, REALLY.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT--
-[LAUGHS]
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
-DON'T TELL ME,
YOU MEANT TO DO THAT?
-ACTUALLY, THAT'S A SHOT
I PICKED UP IN TANGIER.
NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE EVER
SEEN THAT BEFORE IN THE STATES.
-[LAUGHS] AND WHAT WERE
YOU DOING IN TANGIER?
-WELL, YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE FAVOR FOR THE NAVY.
-SOMEHOW, I DON'T PICTURE
YOU WORKING FOR THE NAVY.
-NEITHER DID THEY.
-[LAUGHS]
SO, I THINK I LIKE
THE NAVY PANTS THE BEST.
-YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE
ALL THOSE BUTTONS.
-ZIPPERS.
NO, I WAS SEAL.
I WAS IN THE WETSUITS
MOST OF THE TIME.
-HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
-YOU HERE ALL BY YOURSELF,
SWEET THING?
-YEAH. SORT OF.
-HEY, FRIEND.
-GUESS NOT. YOU GOT A PROBLEM?
-NO.
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU DO.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU CAN
COME UP WITH A REAL GOOD REASON
WHY MY GIRLFRIEND'S EAR
WAS JUST IN YOUR MOUTH.
-OH, RED, WE WERE JUST--
-BUTTON IT, MELINDA!
-I WAS JUST SHOWING HER
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO KISS A MAN
WHOSE BREATH DOESN'T
SMELL LIKE CAT FOOD.
-[GROANS]
-OOH, I'D HAVE THAT LOOKED AT.
I THINK IT'S BROKEN.
[MEN SHOUTING]
-NOT THE FACE, YOU!
[THUMP]
-MAN: HEY, LOOK AT THAT!
-[GROANS]
-SOMETHING OF A PANSY
THERE, AREN'T YOU, RED?
GIVE ME THAT HAT. COME ON.
[ENGINE ROARING]
YOU GOOD?
-RED: HE HAS MY BIKE, TOO!
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
-[GROANS]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-WHOO!
-[LAUGHS]
-[RADIO] 1097.
GIVE US A CALL BACK
11 CASTLEROCK.
-WHOO-HOO!
-[LAUGHS]
-CORT: OH MAN. WANT TO
HAVE A LITTLE FUN, HUH?
-WE'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT, JOHN.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
STAND ANY MORE FUN.
-WELL, YOU BETTER
HANG ON, SWEETHEART.
BETTER HANG ON!
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-[RADIO] WE HAVE A 460,
A MOTORCYCLE ON THE BEACH.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[MOTORCYCLE'S ENGINE STOPS]
-HEY WHAT DO YOU--?
-THINK I'M DOING?
-I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
-OH, I'M JUST HAVING
A LITTLE FUN.
HEY, MELINDA, SAY HI TO MITCH.
-HI, MITCH.
-HE'S A LIFEGUARD.
-[SIGHS]
-I'M BACK.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-CORT: WELL, TOOK OFF
ON THIS GUY'S BIKE,
AND THEN WE SPENT THE NIGHT
UP IN TOPANGA CANYON.
-TOOK OFF ON A GUY'S BIKE?
-YOU STOLE HIS MOTORCYCLE.
-NO. WE BORROWED IT, ALL RIGHT.
MELINDA'S GOING
TO RETURN IT OR SELL IT.
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH.
-BRAWLS, WOMEN, MOTORCYCLES,
I MEAN, WHEN ARE YOU
GOING TO SLOW DOWN, DUDE?
-YEAH, YOU SEEN MUCH OF SAM?
-NO. HIS JOB KEEPS
HIM PRETTY BUSY.
-YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.
IF I'D KNOWN HE WANTED
TO BORROW THAT MONEY
TO START THAT DIVE SHOP,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE
GIVEN IT TO HIM.
-WHY? HE'S DOING PRETTY GOOD.
-YEAH. FOR A STRAIGHT JOB.
I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING
TO USE THAT CASH
TO ROMANCE THIS SWEET
YOUNG THING IN VEGAS.
-[LAUGHS]
-WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
-CORT. ALL RIGHT.
-HOW YOU DOING?
-YOU KNOW, SAM TAKES
HIS JOB PRETTY SERIOUSLY.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE'S
STARTING TO MAKE A FEW BUCKS.
-WELL, IS HE STILL A LIFEGUARD?
-JUST ENOUGH TO KEEP CURRENT,
WHICH, I PRESUME,
IS WHY YOU'RE HERE.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
EXCUSE ME. BUCANNON.
IT'S FOR YOU.
-YEAH, SORRY, MAN.
YO. HANG ON, HANG ON A SEC.
HEY, MITCH, YOU GOT A PEN?
-[SIGHS]
-NO, NO. TONIGHT'S FINE.
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL CATCH
YOU LATER, JACK.
I HAD TO GIVE PEOPLE
YOUR PHONE NUMBER, YOU KNOW
-I NOTICED.
-MITCH, WE NEED SOMEONE
ON TOWER 5. WE'VE GOT A--
-CRAIG, HOW YOU DOING MAN?
-HEY, CORT.
-GOOD TO SEE YOU.
-WHEN DID YOU GET BACK?
-THIS MORNING.
I WANTED TO HAVE MITCH THROW ME
A TOWER FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS,
GET MY TEN DAYS IN
SO I CAN STAY ON THE LIST.
-WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER?
-BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS.
WHERE'S SAMMY'S SHOP?
I WANNA SAY HI TO THE BUM.
-THE BUM IS RIGHT NEXT
TO THE VENICE STRAND CAFE.
-CAN'T MISS IT.
-CATCH YOU GUYS LATER.
-SEE YOU.
SO, TOWER 5, CORT?
-THAT'S TERRIFIC.
YOUR TIMING'S PERFECT.
-SHAUNI: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU
WON'T GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE SANDWICH.
-HOW CAN THAT BE. LOOK,
I'M ALL OUT OF HOAGIES.
PEOPLE AT THE BEACH, THEY
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THEM.
-GO AHEAD. TRY IT.
-I DON'T EAT MEAT.
-WELL I DO! I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS MEAT IS ROTTEN
-IS THAT SO. YOU ATE HALF OF IT.
COULDN'T YOU TELL
ON THE FIRST BITE?
-HOW COULD I? THERE WAS
NO MEAT IN THE FIRST BITE,
OR THE SECOND, OR THE THIRD.
-OH, YOU'RE A PIECE
OF WORK, LADY.
FIRST THE MEAT IS BAD
AND THEN THERE'S
NOT ENOUGH OF IT.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND?
-SANDWICH?
-NO.
-I'VE GOT FRESH EGG SALAD.
-FORGET IT. I DON'T WANT
TO DEAL WITH A CROOK.
-CROOK? ME?
-HERE'S A BUCK. I FIGURE YOU
ATE ABOUT THREE BUCKS' WORTH.
FINE. DON'T LET IT EVER BE SAID
THAT BUDDY T. SEMPLE IS NOT
AN HONEST BUSINESS MAN.
-WHAT A CREEP!
-WHY'D YOU BUY A SANDWICH
FROM HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?
-BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY.
BUDDY'S HAD AN MONOPOLY
ON FOOD AT THE BEACH
EVER SINCE MR. STEIN'S
WEENIE WAGON SHUT DOWN.
-FREE ENTERPRISE.
YOU CAN'T BEAT IT.
-SURE WE CAN.
WHY DON'T WE GIVE
THAT LITTLE WEASEL
A HEALTHY DOSE OF COMPETITION?
-AS IN SELLING SANDWICHES?
-WELL, HOW HARD CAN IT BE?
WE'LL MAKE THEM AT NIGHT.
WE CAN TAKE TURNS SELLING
THEM ON OUR DAYS OFF.
-I DON'T KNOW, SHAUNI.
-COME ON!
THE GUY IS OVERCHARGING LIKE
CRAZY FOR REALLY BAD FOOD.
THINK ABOUT IT. WE'LL BE
DOING A PUBLIC SERVICE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-[THROWS PLATE AWAY]
-HUFF!
OKAY...
THIS GUY MUST BE
ONE DESPERATE HOMBRE.
-[LAUGHS]
-WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING, HUH?
-WELL, I WAS DOING
A LITTLE SPRING CLEANING.
I CAN'T GET MY GEAR STOWED
UNTIL I CLEAN THIS JUNK OUT.
-I HATE TO TELL YOU, BUB,
BUT YOU'RE CLEANING OUT
THE WRONG LOCKER.
-NO, NO. ACTUALLY, THIS IS
THE RIGHT ONE. THANKS, MAN.
-NO, NO. THIS IS MY LOCKER.
-WELL, TRUST ME.
IN ABOUT TEN DAYS
IT WILL BE YOURS AGAIN,
ALL RIGHT?
IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK
I SAW A SPARE HOOK
OVER THERE IN THE SHOWER ROOM.
-YOU DID?
-YEAH.
-IS THAT RIGHT?
-YEAH.
-YOU KNOW, THAT ONE'S FREE,
BUT THE NEXT ONE WILL COST YOU.
I'M JOHN D. CORT.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
-EDDIE KRAMER.
-[LAUGHS] PLEASE
TO MEET YOU, EDDIE
YOU KNOW, THIS LOCKER
WAS MINE WAY BACK
WHEN I USED TO PATROL
THIS BEACH FULL-TIME.
WE HAD SOME GREAT MEMORIES
FLY AROUND HERE THEN.
-SO, HOW COME I AIN'T
SEEN YOU AROUND?
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
BEEN BACK IN A WHILE.
YOU PACKED ONE HELL
OF A MEAN RIGHT HOOK
BUT I TELL YOU WHAT,
YOU OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR LOCK.
GET YOURSELF A BETTER ONE.
-HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
-[WHISTLES]
-JACK: WELL, J.D.,
YOU'RE EVEN ON TIME.
-MIRACLES NEVER CEASE, HUH?
SO, WHAT IS IT THIS TIME, JACK?
CIGARETTES? COUNTERFEIT
DESIGNER BLUE JEANS?
PERHAPS SOME MORE OF THOSE
NAUGHTY MOVIES YOU LIKE SO MUCH?
-EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW.
-PHEW...
WHEN DO I GO?
-DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
[MOTORCYCLE'S ENGINE ROARING]
-WELL.
-I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT?
-PROBABLY NOT, SWEETHEART.
BUT I WILL CALL YOU.
-MAN: COME ON, SAM, GIVE ME
A BREAK ON THE BOARD.
-SAM: THIS IS A CUSTOM JOB.
IT'S ONE OF A KIND.
$200 AND IT'S YOURS.
-HOW MUCH YOU GIVE ME
FOR MY OLD BOARD?
-FIFTY.
-A HUNDRED.
-SEVENTY-FIVE.
-DONE.
PLEASURE DOING BUSINESS
WITH YOU, SAM.
-RIGHT.
-WELL, YOU SHOULD
HAVE KEPT HAGGLING.
YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE KID
TO TAKE THE BOARD FOR FREE.
-[LAUGHS] CORT!
-WHAT DO YOU SAY, SAMMY?
-GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
-YOU TOO.
GEEZ. WELL, WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THIS PLACE?
THIS IS GREAT.
GEEZ, I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
YOU WOULD HAVE MADE IT
IN THE BUSINESS WORLD.
-IT'S NOT EXACTLY HIGH FINANCE,
BUT I DO HAVE A BOAT
IN THE MARINA.
I TAKE PEOPLE OUT SCUBA DIVING,
SELL A FEW SURF BOARDS,
EVEN PUTTING A FEW
BUCKS IN THE BANK.
-SAMMY?
-ALL RIGHT.
I'M ALMOST BREAKING EVEN.
-WELL, THE WAY YOU DO
BUSINESS AROUND HERE,
I'D SAY, YOU'RE
LUCKY TO DO THAT.
-HOW LONG ARE YOU IN FOR?
-YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS
THE SPIRIT MOVES ME,
OR UNTIL YOU KICK ME OUT.
-GREAT.
-HEY, I WANT TO CHARTER
YOUR BOAT.
-HEY, COME ON, MAN.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
-NO, NO.
IT'S A BUSINESS DEAL HERE
I'VE GOT A DIVE TO MAKE AND
I WANT YOU TO GO DOWN WITH ME.
$2500 FOR A COUPLE HOURS WORK?
-WHAT ARE WE DIVING FOR?
-JUST A FEW IMPORTANT CRATES
FELL OVERBOARD
BEFORE THEY COULD CLEAR CUSTOMS,
A GUY I KNOW WANTS THEM BACK.
-JOHN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-OH, HEY, COME ON, MAN.
THIS IS NOTHING ILLEGAL.
WELL, NOT TOO ILLEGAL ANYWAY.
THERE'S NO DRUGS, NO WEAPONS.
NOTHING MORE THAN DEPRIVING
THE TAX MAN OF A LITTLE TARIFF.
-WELL, IF THAT'S ALL
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
-I KNEW THE TAX THING
WOULD GET YOU.
AFTER ALL THE TIME WE SPENT
IN UNCLE SAM'S NAVY.
-AS LONG AS YOU'RE STAYING...
PUMP UP YOUR OWN DAMN MATTRESS.
-[LAUGHS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
-WHO DOES THIS GUY
THINK HE IS,
WALKING IN HERE LIKE
HE'S CLINT EASTWOOD?
SHANI, WOULD YOU THROW
ME MY T-SHIRT, PLEASE?
-I THINK HE'S MUCH
BETTER LOOKING THAN CLINT.
-BUTT OUT.
-HOW CAN I BUTT OUT
WHEN ALL YOUR STUFF
IS JAMMED IN MY LOCKER?
-I HEARD YOU HIT HIM.
-YEAH, I HIT HIM.
THE GUY TRASHED MY LOCKER.
HE'S LUCKY I DIDN'T KILL HIM.
-FORGET ABOUT THE LOCKER.
IT'S SENIORITY.
IT'S JUST FOR A WEEK.
AND THE GUY'S A NAVY SEAL.
HE'S A TRAINED KILLER.
YOU DON'T--
-SO, WHAT? I CAN HANDLE MYSELF.
-WHY ARE YOU MAKING SUCH
A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT?
-BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HIM.
THAT'S WHY.
-EDDIE, INSTEAD OF LOOKING
TO FIGHT WITH THE GUY,
TAKE THE TIME
TO GET TO KNOW HIM.
-THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
-WELL, I THINK YOU OUGHT
TO GIVE HIM A BREAK.
-SHAUNI: ME TOO!
-THE TRUTH IS, YOU KIND
OF REMIND ME OF CORT.
-WHAT?
-YOU'VE BOTH GOT A SHORT FUSE.
-SHAUNI: THAT'S TRUE.
-SHAUNI, COULD I HAVE MY TRUNKS?
[SENSUAL MUSIC]
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
A ROGUE LIKE YOU ACTUALLY
DOING THIS EVERY MORNING.
-DON'T START.
IT'S A DECENT JOB.
NO CAPTAINS, NO LIEUTENANTS,
NOBODY TO ANSWER TO BUT MYSELF.
-FINE. GREAT. COOL.
IF YOU WANT TO COMMUNE
WITH THE SURFERS AND DEADHEADS,
WHO AM I TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO?
BUT YOU WILL FILL
THE TANKS, RIGHT?
GAS UP THE BOAT,
MAKE THE SANDWICHES?
-LOOK. I SLEPT ON IT.
I DON'T LIKE THIS BURTON.
CIGARETTES, PORN FLICKS,
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS
WHAT THIS GUY IS INTO.
AS LONG AS IT'S NOT
DRUGS OR ARMS,
I DON'T ASK ANY QUESTIONS,
AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.
I MEAN, YOUR SPLIT'S WORTH WHAT,
TWO OR THREE-WEEKS' WORTH
OF HARD LABOR AT THIS PLACE?
-ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
-I'LL DO IT.
-ALL RIGHT.
-BUT YOU MAKE THE SANDWICHES.
-FINE.
-BUDDY: HOAGIES, ROAST BEEF,
HAM AND CHEESE.
HOAGIES, GET YOUR HOAGIES.
ROAST BEEF, HAM AND CHEESE.
I'VE GOT SANDWICHES.
I'VE GOT COLD DRINKS.
WHO NEEDS SOMETHING TO EAT?
I'VE GOT ALL KINDS OF STUFF.
SANDWICHES, HOAGIES,
ROAST BEEF, HAM AND CHEESE.
SANDWICHES, FOLKS?
ONLY 4 BUCKS A PIECE.
MADE WITH TENDER LOVING CARE.
WHAT WILL IT BE?
-BEAT IT.
-BEAT IT?
-BEAT IT.
-I WORKED LIKE A DOG TOTING THIS
COOLER UP AND DOWN THE BEACH
SO GUYS LIKE YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO EAT,
AND YOU TELL ME TO BEAT IT?
NOT FAIR, MOI CAPITAN.
I HAVE A LOVELY SHRIMP SALAD
ON A CROISSANT WITH SPROUTS.
-THAT SOUNDS NICE.
-YOU JUST SHOVED THAT
WOMAN'S CHICKEN SANDWICH
DOWN YOUR THROAT LESS
THAN TWO MINUTES AGO.
-BY THE WAY, SHE CHARGES
3 BUCKS FOR HERS.
-THREE BUCKS? WHAT GIRL?
-I DON'T KNOW. SOME GIRL.
I THINK SHE'S A LIFEGUARD.
AND SHE'S GOT A HELL OF A LOT
BETTER LOOKING LEGS THAN YOU.
-OH, THAT'S REALLY NICE.
-WHAT?
-YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
AT OTHER GIRLS.
-CORT: HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN TO JAMAICA?
-NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
MY TRAVELS CONSIST OF A FIVE-DAY
BUS RIDE FROM PHILLY TO LA.
-AT LEAST YOU GOT TO SEE
THE COUNTRY, HUH?
-NO. I HAD AN AISLE SEAT
AND THE WINDOWS WERE DIRTY.
-WELL, YOU'LL MAKE IT
TO THE ISLANDS ONE DAY.
I'LL TELL YOU,
JAMAICA IS A SWEET PLACE.
-YEAH? HOW LONG WERE YOU THERE?
-NEARLY TWO YEARS.
-DOING WHAT?
-MOSTLY FEEDING FROZEN
PEAS TO THE GROUPERS.
MAN, THEY FIGHT LIKE HELL
FOR THESE DAMN PEAS.
-AND WHEN YOU WEREN'T FEEDING
FROZEN PEAS TO THE GROUPERS,
WHAT'D YOU DO FOR MONEY, HUH?
-I HAD A BOAT,
TANKS, SNORKEL GEAR.
IF I GOT DESPERATE ENOUGH,
I'D SNAG TOURISTS
WITH MY JACQUES COUSTEAU
IMITATION.
[LAUGHS] GIVE THEM BEER,
PRETZELS AND A RIDE TO THE REEF.
LET THEM RIDE A SEA TURTLE,
SNAP SOME PICTURES.
GET UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL
WITH A SAND SHARK.
I'M TELLING YOU, EDDIE,
YOU'VE GOT TO GET THERE.
THE AIR WAS SWEET.
THE RUM WAS SWEET.
-AND THE WOMEN?
-WELL, THEY WERE SWEET, TOO.
-NO, YOU'RE GIVING ME GAS!
-HEY!
-[SCREAMS]
-HEY, HEY, HEY!
-ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
-ANYTHING WE CAN DO HERE?
-YEAH, YOU CAN GET
OUT OF MY FACE.
-HEY, MAN--
-WHOA, EDDIE.
THIS GUY LOOKS
LIKE HE DANGEROUS.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, KILLER?
-YOU DON'T WANT TO FIND OUT.
-NO. YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT.
-WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE
YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND
FOR A WALK THEN, HUH?
-[GROANS]
-NOW, WHERE EXACTLY WOULD
YOU LIKE ME TO WALK?
-OKAY. OKAY. I GET THE MESSAGE.
-ALL RIGHT.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE BEACH?
-WOMAN: SEE, MARTIN!
-THAT'S NOT THE WAY WE
DO THINGS AROUND HERE, MAN.
BUT IT IS EFFECTIVE.
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
-♪ I'M HYPNOTIZED
♪ BY WHAT'S BEFORE ME
♪ YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D
COULD CAST A SPELL ♪
♪ I'M PARALYZED
♪ I WANNA BREAK FREE
♪ YOU'RE NOT THE KIND
OF KISS AND TELL ♪
♪ SO GOOD. SO FINE
♪ I WANNA MAKE YOU MINE
♪ YOU'RE THE FIRE
I WANT SO MUCH ♪
♪ YOUR HEAT IS
A BURNING CANDLE ♪
♪ A FLAMING EMBER
YOU CAN'T TOUCH ♪
♪ YOU'RE TOO HOT,
TOO HOT TO HANDLE ♪
♪ STOP AND STARE
♪ YOU'RE AN OBSESSION
♪ FOR EVERY GIRL,
IT'S PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I'D BE THERE
WITH MY AFFECTION ♪
♪ IF I COULD MAKE
YOU NOTICE ME ♪
♪ SO GOOD. SO FINE
♪ I WANNA MAKE YOU MINE
♪ YOU ARE THE FIRE
I WANT SO MUCH ♪
♪ YOUR HEAT IS
A BURNING CANDLE ♪
-HERE YOU GO.
-THANKS.
I'M SO HUNGRY.
-ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.
-OKAY. THANKS A LOT.
-HEY, HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
-OH, HELLO, BUDDY.
COULD I INTEREST YOU IN A
LITTLE CREAM CHEESE AND OLIVE?
-THIS IS MY BEACH, LADY.
-IT'S ON WHOLE GRAIN BREAD.
-IT'S MY BEACH.
THESE ARE MY CUSTOMERS.
-DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE AFRAID
OF A LITTLE HEALTHY COMPETITION?
AND I DO MEAN HEALTHY.
-SAYS WHO?
-WE'VE GOT THREE LEFT,
AND WE STARTED WITH 40.
-WHAT A WORLD! USING YOUR
INFLUENCE AS A LIFEGUARD
TO PEDDLE YOUR WARES.
-I'M NOT A LIFEGUARD
TODAY, BUDDY.
JUST A LITTLE
OLD-FASHIONED COOKING.
-OH YEAH? I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT IT IS.
IT'S-- IT'S AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.
-YOU JUST HAVE AN
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE,
USING YOUR BODY TO DRIVE
ME OUT OF THE MARKETPLACE
-BUDDY, GO AWAY.
-YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
IT'S A BLATANT EXAMPLE
OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
A PROBLEM THAT I AM MORE THAN
A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT.
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST
OF BUDDY T. SEMPLE.
HOAGIES, ROAST BEEF,
HAM AND CHEESE!
GET YOUR HOAGIES.
I'VE GOT COLD CUTS.
I'VE GOT SOFT DRINKS. I'VE GOT
ICE CREAM. WHAT DO YOU NEED?
-CORT: SAM, IT'S GREAT
TO BE OUT IN THE CHOP AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, WE HADN'T DONE THIS
IS IN A LONG, LONG TIME.
-HOW LONG YOU FIGURE
THIS IS GOING TO TAKE US?
-A FEW HOURS TOPS.
PIECE OF CAKE.
-I REMEMBER A CERTAIN
SEAL MISSION
YOU THOUGHT WAS A PIECE OF CAKE.
INDIAN OCEAN SOUND FAMILIAR?
-WELL, THAT COULDN'T BE HELPED.
SHE WAS GORGEOUS.
-SHE WAS ROYALTY.
IF IT WASN'T FOR ME,
YOU'D BE WEARING A TURBAN.
-[LAUGHS]
OKAY.
-SEE YOU OVER.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[EXPLOSION]
-HIS NAME IS JACK BURTON.
I'VE WORKED FOR HIM BEFORE.
-GARNER: YOU MEAN SMUGGLED.
-HEY, GARNER, I DIVE AND
SALVAGE. IT'S A SERVICE.
LIKE BEING A TOW TRUCK DRIVER.
-COME ON, MAN. YOU LIED TO ME.
THIS WHOLE STORY
ABOUT YOU COMING IN TOWN
TO PUT IN YOUR TEN DAYS WAS
JUST A FRONT, WASN'T IT?
-WOULD YOU GET OFF MY CASE!
LIKE TVS AND COMPUTERS.
THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE.
I DON'T SMUGGLE.
NOBODY WAS SUPPOSED
TO DIE, MITCH.
LEAST OF ALL SAM.
-[SIGHS]
-HEY, BURTON, GET YOUR
UGLY FACE OUT HERE!
-HEY, I WANT YOU TO CHILL.
-IS YOUR NAME JACK BURTON?
-YES, IT IS.
IF YOU'RE COLLECTING FOR
CHARITY, I ALREADY GAVE.
-OFFICER ELLERBEE, LAPD.
-[CLEARS HIS THROAT]
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
-THAT'S A NICE TRY, JACK.
TOLD THEM ALL ABOUT
YOUR SUNKEN TREASURE.
-SUNKEN TREASURE?
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
SOMETHING TO ME?
-YOU SET ME UP, MAN!
-HEY!
-YOU NEVER SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT ANY--
-I TOLD YOU TO CHILL!
NOW GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
-YOU'RE A LYING PIECE OF SCUM!
I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU, JACK!
-COME ON. KNOCK IT OFF.
-CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING
TO DRINK, OFFICER?
-WE'D CHECK WITH
SID FIRST, YOU KNOW.
MAKE SURE CAPTAIN THORP WAS
ON THE PHONE WITH SOME HONCHO--
-BEFORE BARGING IN AND DROPPING
A LIVE LOBSTER ON HIS DESK.
-YOU'RE KIDDING?
-NO.
AND THORP WOULD TURN RED
AND HE'D SLAM DOWN THE PHONE
AND HE'D START HOLLERING
THAT THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL
WE CAUGHT THIS RED
BARON IN THE BAY!
THAT IT HAD TO BE STRAIGHT
FROM DEAN'S FISH MARKET
DOWN IN VENICE.
I'D SAY, "CAPTAIN THORP,
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE US,
YOU JUST STRAP ON YOUR TANKS
AND I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT OUT
THERE TO THE DAMN LOBSTER,
AND SHOW YOU WHERE THIS
LITTLE GUY WENT TO SCHOOL."
-THERE WAS NO CHANCE IN HELL
THAT THORP WAS GOING
TO GO DIVING.
SO, HE'D GIVE UP AND
HE'D GIVE SAM 20 BUCKS,
AND YELL AT SID TO
BRING HIM A BUCKET.
-WE'D THANK HIM FOR THE SALE,
AND WE'D GET THE HELL OUT.
-WHAT WAS IT?
DID YOU GUYS HAVE SECRET
LOBSTER BED OR SOMETHING?
-[LAUGHS]
-YEAH.
DEAN'S FISH MARKET IN VENICE.
-[LAUGHS]
-EVERY TIME THEY'D PLAY
THAT JOKE ON THORP,
IT'D COST HIM 35 BUCKS.
-THAT'S TRUE.
BUT IT WAS WORTH IT JUST TO,
JUST TO SEE SAM
BUST A GUT TELLING EVERY
GIRL ABOUT IT ON THE BEACH.
YEAH. MAN, HE'D--
WELL, HE'D-- HE'D
LIVED ON IT FOR WEEKS.
I GUESS THE TIME WITH YOUR
FRIENDS ON, YOU MORON.
[SIGHS]
-HEY, EDDIE?
-YEAH?
-I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
-SURE, WHAT?
-WELL, IF I TELL ANOTHER ONE
OF THESE LAME SAM STORIES,
I WANT YOU TO JUST TURN
MY LIGHTS OUT. OKAY?
-DEAL.
-OKAY.
-TRADE THAT BOTTLE OF TEQUILA
IN FOR A CUP OF COFFEE?
-[SIGHS] NO, NO.
-IT'S NOT GOING TO HELP, CORT.
-AND WHO'S LOOKING
FOR HELP, MAN?
AS SOON AS I GET GOOD AND
ROCKED, I'M OUT OF HERE.
-DO YOU NEED A RIDE
TO THE AIRPORT?
-I'M OUT OF THIS HOUSE, MITCH,
NOT OUT OF THIS TIME ZONE.
I CAN WALK BACK
TO THE SHOP FROM HERE.
WELL...
[GROANS]
MITCH, BUD, GET THIS
THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
I'M NOT GONE UNTIL
I SQUARE THINGS FOR SAM.
-IS THAT RIGHT?
-RIGHT.
-WELL, PARTNER, YOU'VE
GOT A REAL SHORT MEMORY.
NOT A LOT OF GOOD THINGS
HAPPEN WHEN YOU STICK AROUND.
-I NEVER SAID I WAS
GOING TO BE GOOD.
-OH, BOY.
[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]
-EDDIE: ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?
-ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T
HAVE GILLS.
-HEY, DO WE HAVE SPEARGUNS?
-THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
SHARKS WON'T BOTHER US.
-SHARKS?
-EDDIE, WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T TOUCH A THING.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
-SHAUNI: $24, $36,
$41, $51, $56.
-HOW WE DOING?
-GREAT.
I THINK WE ACTUALLY
EVEN MADE A FEW DOLLARS.
HERE'S YOUR SHARE, $64.
-YOU'RE KIDDING? THAT'S GREAT.
-OF COURSE, WE COULD
FOREGO PAYING OURSELVES
A SALARY THIS WEEK AND REINVEST.
-IN WHAT, ONION ROLLS?
-WE SHOULD BROADEN OUR BASE.
I MEAN, THERE'S SUNBLOCK
AND VISORS, THONGS.
-T-SHIRTS WITH LIFEGUARD LOGOS?
-YES! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
-SHAUNI, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-WE DIDN'T GET
INTO THIS BUSINESS
TO BECOME BEACH HUCKSTERS.
-TREVOR: GOOD DAY.
-THAT WILL BE $3, PLEASE.
-[LAUGHS] YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS?
-CASH ONLY.
-WHAT HAPPENED TO THE
LIFEGUARD DISCOUNT?
-UH-UH.
-SORRY.
-WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY
MONEY ON ME. ALL RIGHT?
-I THINK WE SHOULD AT LEAST
CONSIDER DOING A MARKET SURVEY.
-SHAUNI.
-JUST A THOUGHT.
-I'M GOING TO THE STORE.
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH ME
AND WE'LL TAKE ABOUT IT
OVER THE COLD CUTS?
-YOU KNOW, IF WE KEEP SELLING
SANDWICHES AT THIS RATE,
WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DRIVE
BUDDY RIGHT OUT OF BUSINESS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
EXPAND TO DESSERTS.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
-YOU KNOW, IF SAM HADN'T
BEEN IN SUCH A DAMN HURRY,
HE WOULD HAVE SEEN
THIS CRATE WAS RIGGED.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-THIS GUY WAS A PRO.
SEE THIS PIECE HERE?
THE SAME KIND OF DETONATION
DEVICE WE USE IN THE SEALS.
-SO, WHAT ABOUT THIS
JACK BURTON? HUH?
WAS HE IN THE NAVY?
-NO WAY.
-AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?
-[ENGINE STARTS]
-DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES
FROM YOUR NAVY DAYS?
-PULL THE ANCHOR IN, WILL YOU?
[TURNING SWITCHES]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-[SIGHS]
-[APPLAUSE]
-IT WAS QUITE A SHOW YOU PUT ON.
ALMOST HAD ME IN TEARS.
-TEARS, HUH?
JACK, THAT LITTLE
SURPRISE OF YOURS
PUT YOU RIGHT AT THE TOP
OF MY PAYBACK LIST.
-IS THAT RIGHT?
-YEAH, YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.
YEAH, AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
NAMES DON'T LAST
THERE VERY LONG.
-GET YOUR HEAD TOGETHER, CORT.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH THE EXPLOSION.
WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT
TO BLOW UP MY OWN STUFF?
-YOU GET YOUR DOG, PUT HIM ON
A LEASH AND GET HIM OUT OF HERE
BEFORE HE MESSES ON THE FLOOR.
-YOU'RE GOING TO WISH
THAT HE WAS ON A LEASH,
IF YOU DON'T COME
ACROSS WITH MY STUFF.
-OH, YOU WANT YOUR STUFF?
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO. GET IT, PAL.
IT'S STILL AT THE BOTTOM.
IF I WERE YOU, I'D BE REAL
CAREFUL ABOUT TOUCHING IT.
NOW GO ON. GET OUT OF HERE!
TAKE YOUR PITBULL WITH YOU.
-WHAT'D BURTON WANT?
-OH, HE WANTED A DEAL
ON A NEW BOARD.
-OH, GEE, I HOPE
YOU GAVE IT TO HIM.
-OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW ME,
MR. BUSINESS MAN TO THE CORE.
-COME ON, CUT IT, WILL YOU?
YOU STILL THINK HE DID IT?
-NO.
NO, BECAUSE HE'S SMALL TIME.
-THEN WHO IS IT, JOHN?
WHO WANTS YOU DEAD?
-I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
LAST FEW YEARS, I'VE
GOTTEN ON THE WRONG SIDE
OF HALF A DOZEN HUSBANDS.
WENT FEW ROUNDS WITH
A TEAMSTER FROM CLEVELAND.
I GUESS I DID IRRITATE A CERTAIN
DICTATOR IN CENTRAL AMERICA.
AND MITCH, THANKS FOR
STOPPING BY, ALL RIGHT?
BUT I'VE GOT TO FLY
-WHERE YOU GOING?
-I'VE GOT A DATE.
-NOW?
-YEAH. SHE WORKS UNTIL 1.
-SOMEONE'S TRYING TO KILL YOU
AND YOU'RE GOING OUT ON A DATE?
-MELINDA MAKES YOU FORGET
YOUR TROUBLES, ALL RIGHT?
-OH, IN THAT CASE IT MAKES
THE WHOLE THING OKAY.
-I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
-COME ON, MITCH.
IF NOTHING ELSE,
I'LL LAY LOW FOR A WHILE,
STAY OUT OF GARNER'S WAY.
[BEEPING]
WHOA, MITCH!
[EXPLOSION]
-ANYBODY ELSE YOU CAN THINK
OF WHO MIGHT WANT YOU DEAD?
-GARNER: JACK BURTON'S
ALIBI CHECKS OUT.
-MITCH: YOU MENTIONED
ANOTHER GUY FROM THE NAVY.
WHAT WAS THE STORY
ON HIM ANYWAY?
-NAME'S GRANT.
HE WAS A DEMOLITIONS EXPERT
IN THE SEALS WITH ME AND SAM.
WE WENT ON A MISSION
IN THE MEDITERRANEAN
AND GRANT BROKE ORDERS.
USED TWICE AS MUCH
C4 AS WAS CALLED FOR.
THE PSYCHO KILLED
TWO OF MY DIVERS.
-C4, 30 POUNDS
OF PLASTIC WAS STOLEN
FROM THE SEAL TRAINING
BASE AT CORONADO.
-YOU'VE GOT FRIENDS IN THE NAVY?
-I HAVE FRIENDS DOWNTOWN.
THE LAB BOYS FOUND TRACES OF C4
IN THE FRAGMENTS YOU FOUND.
-OH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
-YOUR FRIEND GRANT, DOES HE
STILL HAS PALS DOWN THERE?
-YEAH. I MEAN THE GUY
DID A LOT OF TOURS.
I MEAN HE HAD,
HE HAD A FEW MEDALS.
QUITE A FEW GUYS THOUGHT I
NEVER SHOULD HAVE TURNED HIM IN.
STILL BLAMES ME FOR
TESTIFYING AGAINST HIM
IN HIS COURT MARTIAL.
-WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US
ABOUT THIS GUY BEFORE?
-WELL, THERE'S NO NEED.
HE'S ROTTING AWAY IN PRISON.
-YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, JOHN?
-YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.
HE'S DOING 10 TO 20 IN ATTICA.
THE GUY TRIED TO GET
A LOAN FROM A BANK.
THEY WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO HIM,
SO HE BLEW THE PLACE UP.
LOOK, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
I'M GOING TO CATCH SOME ZS.
-YOU CHECKING OUT HIS STORY?
-YOU'VE GOT THAT RIGHT.
-YOU WERE LUCKY, MAN.
-NO. WASN'T MUCH PLASTIC.
JUST ENOUGH TO SEND A MESSAGE.
-DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHO MIGHT HAVE DONE IT?
-MAYBE. I DON'T KNOW.
[PHONE RINGING]
-YEAH?
[TENSE MUSIC]
-YEAH, I NOTICED.
-HOW WAS YOUR SHAVE?
YEAH, STILL WEARING
THAT COCKY GRIN?
-YEAH, YEAH. YOU STILL BALD?
-SO, I GUESS IT'S JUST YOU
AND ME NOW THAT SAM'S DEAD, HUH?
-GRANT, YOU ARE ONE SICK PUPPY.
-LISTEN. I WANT TO MEET.
-SURE. WHY DON'T YOU COME ON
OVER. I'LL BUY YOU A DRINK,
AND THEN WE'LL TALK
ABOUT OLD TIMES.
-OH, DRINK.
HELL, I WAS THINKING
MORE ALONG THE LINES
OF CUTTING YOUR GUTS
OUT IN THE WATER.
-[LAUGHS] NO, NO.
IT'S A LITTLE TOO COLD.
-FULL GEAR, JUST LIKE OLD DAYS.
-WHEN?
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT 4?
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
I LOOK MY BEST.
-DON'T BE LATE.
-I WANT TO MEET YOUR FRIEND.
-NO. SORRY, EDDIE.
NO COPS, NO LIFEGUARDS
AND NO NEW FRIENDS.
NOW, I MEAN IT, MAN.
STAY CLEAR.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-HI!
-HEY.
-HOW'D YOU DO?
-NOT GOOD.
I DIDN'T SELL ONE SANDWICH.
-BUDDY?
-YEAH, I GUESS HE GOT
HERE FIRST THIS MORNING.
-MAYBE HE LOWERED HIS PRICES.
-MAYBE HE'S MAKING
BETTER SANDWICHES.
-YOU KNOW, EVEN IF WE GET STUCK
WITH ALL THESE SANDWICHES,
IT'S STILL NOT A TOTAL WASTE.
-HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
-WE FINALLY GOT BUDDY
TO STOP PEDDLING RANCID FOOD.
-MARTIN, I HATE YOU.
-WANDA, YOU'RE A FRUITCAKE!
EXCUSE ME. CAN I GET
SOME HELP HERE, PLEASE?
-MARTIN.
-WANDA, SHE'S A NUTCASE.
ALL I DID WAS BUY A SANDWICH
FROM THAT GUY OVER THERE.
THAT LITTLE DWEEBIE
GUY OVER THERE.
-OH, NO.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE BUDDY FOUND
A BETTER WAY TO LURE CUSTOMERS
THAN IMPROVING
THE QUALITY OF SANDWICHES.
-MARTIN: HELLO. HELLO.
HEY, HELLO. MY FACE HERE.
CAN YOU TAKE A LOOK
AT IT, PLEASE?
-OH, YEAH.
-THANKS.
[ENGINE STOPS]
-GRANT?
-OH!
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[SIRENS]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[SIRENS]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[AIR HISSING]
[SIRENS]
-THERE THEY ARE!
GET CLOSER.
[ACTION MUSIC]
[SIRENS]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
-MITCH: GRAB HIS MASK.
-[GROANS]
-EDDIE: YOU ALL RIGHT?
-YEAH.
-GARNER: MITCH, YOU OKAY?
-YEAH, I'M FINE.
-YEAH.
-COME ON.
LET'S GET HIM IN HERE.
-[GROANS]
-YOU OKAY, MAN?
-YEAH. NOT A SCRATCH.
[SIRENS]
-CORT: HEY, MITCH, THANKS!
-WE'LL TALK LATER, MAN.
-YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T GET?
-WHAT'S THAT?
-IF HE WANTED YOU DEAD SO BAD,
WHY DIDN'T HE JUST PUT
A GUN TO YOUR HEAD?
-BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BLOW ME
INTO LITTLE PIECES.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
[FRANTIC MUSIC]
-LET'S GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE, MAN.
[EXPLOSION]
-HEY, WHERE DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING?
-ON VACATION.
LIFE AROUND HERE IS
A LITTLE TOO HECTIC.
-NO, YOU CAN'T.
-WHY IS THAT?
-BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T
PUT IN YOUR DAYS YET.
-I GUESS MY LIFEGUARDING
CAREER IS OVER THEN.
-GOOD. I GET MY LOCKER BACK.
-THERE IS ANOTHER REASON.
SAM'S WILL, YOU'RE IN IT.
-NO KIDDING?
WHAT'D HE LEAVE ME?
SOME NEW GEAR?
OH, COME ON. NO WAY?
-YEP, THE PLACE
AND EVERYTHING IN IT.
AND A HEFTY MORTGAGE
AND LOTS OF BILLS
-WELL, GOOD OLD SAM.
WELL, NO WAY I'M LETTING
HIM GET THE LAST LAUGH.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
-WAIT, YOU CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY.
-OH, YEAH.
JUST WATCH ME.
-HI, DOLL. YOU GOT YOUR
TOOTHBRUSH PACKED?
-NOPE, BUT I'LL USE YOURS.
-OH!
-UHM.
-CRAIG, SELL THIS PLACE
FOR ME, WOULD YOU?
-I'LL TRY BUT I THINK YOU
SHOULD THINK TWICE ABOUT IT.
-YOU PUT A LITTLE WORK
INTO THIS PLACE,
YOU COULD PROBABLY
TURN A GOOD PROFIT.
-DO YOU WANT A JOB?
-NO WAY.
-COME ON, I THOUGHT WE WERE
FRIENDS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-YEAH.
-YEAH, WELL WE ARE. BUT I'M
NOT INTERESTED. ALL RIGHT?
-COME ONE. WE'LL BE BACK FROM--
WHERE'D YOU SAY WE'RE
GOING TO BE AGAIN?
-YUMA.
-YUMA?
NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO IN YUMA?
-I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M SURE
WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
-SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-COME ON.
-I DON'T WANT TO. ALL RIGHT? NO.
-ANYTHING YOU SELL
WILL GO INTO YOUR POCKET.
-I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
-THERE YOU GO.
THANKS, GUYS!
-HEY, CORT! CORT!
[MOTORCYCLE DRIVING AWAY]
HEY, YOU GUYS,
HOW ABOUT A TANK, HUH?
WET SUIT, SURF BOARD?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
[ENDING THEME PLAYS]