Batman: The Animated Series (1992–1995): Season 3, Episode 6 - Harley's Holiday - full transcript

You've made wonderful
progress, Harley.

You've passed your competency hearing

and tomorrow you'll be released,
mentally sane and sound.

Whee! Who-hoo! Whoopie!
Yay! Yay! Yay!

I mean, thank you, Dr. Leland.

That's okay. You have every reason
to be proud of yourself.

Unhand me!

I just wish the other inmates
could make your sort of progress.

I am the master of fear!
The lord of despair!

Cower before me in witless terror!

Hi, Professor Crane.



Good evening, child. Worship me, fools!
Worship me!

Scream hosannas of anguish to Scarecrow,

the all-terrible god of fear!

I think he's getting better.

I hear you're getting out tomorrow.

You got a problem with that?

Congratulations.

Yeah, so I made a few mistakes.

I've got my head back together,
and I'm gonna live my life right.

For your sake, I hope so.

I'll show you. Starting tomorrow,
you'll see I'm just as sane as anybody.

Oh, my Lord!

Gee, what's wrong with them?

I knew I shouldn't have
worn this outfit.



It's so out of style, it's growing mold.

I probably look like a total geek.

Come on, babies, we're going shopping.

I love it.

That makes one of us.

Really, Brucie, a man of your social
standing needs a woman like me

to keep you in step
with the latest trends.

Who dresses you anyway? Alfred?

Well, actually...

Excuse me, miss.
You can't bring those things in here.

It's okay. They're housebroken.

Are you all right?

Wow, I never saw them do that before.

Hey, don't I know you?

I don't think so.

Something about that chin.

I know!
You're Bruce Wayne, the boy billionaire.

Unattached, I see.

May I help you, miss?

Uh-oh! Enter the jealous girlfriend.

Hey, remember me?
That big charity bash a few years back?

The one the Joker robbed?

I was the clown girl
holding the gun on you!

Oh, don't worry, I'm over
the crime thing. See?

I'm rehabilitated
and ready to live my life right.

How nice for you.

Goodbye.

Gee, you make one little mistake
and they never let you forget.

All I'm looking for
is a fair chance to start over.

That's not asking too much, is it?

Why, no.

Miss?

Ijust wanna live a normal life
without some cop always pouncing on me.

Hey, what's the deal?

Hold it.

I didn't do anything.

That's a security alarm.
Just give me back-

That's my dress.
I paid for it fair and square.

I know. Just let me remove
the security tag and- Whoa!

It's a frame-up, a fix.

You ain't taking me back
to the slammer, John Law.

Hey!

- What in heaven?
- Stay here.

She ran in there.

- Oh, my. Did you see that?
- What's going on?

Miss, please, I'm sure this has all been
a simple misunderstanding.

You don't wanna mess things up
on your first day out, do you? Miss?

I tried to play by the rules, but no,

they wouldn't let me go straight.
Society is to blame.

Back off, rich boy, I'm armed.

Scoot over, toots, I'm driving.

Come to Mommy!

Hold on!

Oh! You're gonna pay for that.

Let me get this right, Commissioner.

You're saying that milksop Bruce Wayne

allowed a crazy woman
in a clown suit to kidnap my Veronica?

Wayne did what he could,
General Vreeland.

And for what it's worth, I don't think
Harley Quinn means to hurt Veronica.

This is her first day out of Arkham

and the threat of being
sent back probably spooked her.

I want action, Gordon, not excuses.
My daughter's in danger.

I need SWAT teams,
helicopters, full military backup!

I... I'm sorry, Jim.

All I want is my little Veronica
returned safe and sound.

If you could just give this old soldier
a moment to compose himself.

Certainly, sir.

Lieutenant, General Vreeland here.

I'm calling a code red.

Sounds like Harley didn't waste
any time getting into trouble.

She's good at that.

Still, I think she really wanted
to do right this time.

If we can find her first, maybe we can
stop her from ruining her chance.

According to the scanner,
your car should be right about here.

Ha! I got you now.

Huh?

Please, Ms. Clown.

Call me Harley. Everyone does.

Please, Harley, let me go. I'm rich.

I'll pay whatever you want
if you'll just-

Uh-oh! Company.

Hi, B-man. Wanna race?

Stop the car now!

I think not.

We wanna help you sort this out
before it gets worse.

Sure, like you helped
poor Professor Crane last night.

Sorry, boys, you ain't taking me
back to Arkham.

I'm gonna get that little kook
if it's the last thing I ever do.

The scanner says
she's headed for the south side.

Probably to someone who can hide her
until the heat's off.

The last time I seen you,
you not only ruined my club

but brought the freaking Batman
down on my head as well.

Give me one good reason
I do not dust you right now.

L'll buy that.

No sweat, toots,
Boxy will take care of us.

That's what I'm afraid of.

So, how soon can you
sneak me out of town?

Leave us not be hasty.

We have a friendship to renew
and Ms. Money-Bags to ransom off.

Oh, no. We can't do that.

See, I'm giving up the crime thing.

I only grabbed her because
I needed a car.

Once I'm gone,
she goes home safe and sound.

I'm calling the shots here, sugar.

Anyone says different
has to go through me, got it?

Got it.

You've stuck your cape
into my business for the last time.

Take 'em, boys.

- Get him! Get him!
- Come back here!

We're safe, thank goodness.

Ahh!

Back off, freak, or the dame's history.

Get your own hostage.

Sorry, doll.

As we gamblers say,
you just crapped out.

- Any last words?
- Just one.

Play nice with your new chew toy.

Ahh!

- Harley's gone again.
- So is Bennett.

Did you mean what you said back there
about sending me home?

Sure. You're a good kid,

and I do kind of feel
a little bit responsible for all this.

No kidding.

So, what will happen to you?

If I'm lucky, I'll make it out of town

before Bats hauls
my hiney back to the bin.

Can't you explain
that it was all just a mistake?

Ha! With my past?
I don't even believe it myself.

Look, let's make a deal.

You get me out of this alive,
and I'll drop all the charges.

Yeah? Hey, you're all right, toots.

For the first time today,
I think things are finally looking up.

You in the car,
release your hostage immediately.

Daddy!

Daddy?

Wait. What are you doing?
That's my father.

No, that's your father in a tank!

No, you don't.

All units, suspect Quinn
has been sighted

headed for Gotham City Square.

Oh, great.

- Got you now.
- You screwy little-

Trouble-making clown.

Veronica?

Hey, bird-boy, look alive.

Well, that's my good deed for the day.

Bye-

Wait!

My little girl. I was so worried.

Inoficed.

Whoa!

Leaving so soon, Boxy?

You got nothing on me.

I'm sure I can find something.

Move it.

You don't know when to quit, do you?

Listen to me.
All the work you've done, your freedom.

If you run away,
you'll lose them, Harley.

You're so close
to winning back your real life.

Why risk it now?

I'm having a bad day!

I'm sick of people trying to shoot me,
run me over and blow me up!

I didn't even get to keep my new dress,

and I actually paid for it!

I tried to be good. I really did.

But if that's not good enough, fine!

Let's get back to basics.

Talk about grasping at straws.

Oh, well,
at least I'm going out on a joke.

I think I made a mess on your cape.

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig.

Not for too long, though. Ms. Vreeland
dropped the kidnapping charges.

With a little more hard work, you should
be ready to reenter society for good.

Yay.

There's one thing I gotta know.

Why did you stay with me all day,
risking your butt for someone

who's never given you anything
but trouble?

I know what it's like
to try and rebuild a life.

I had a bad day too, once.

Nice guys like you
shouldn't have bad days.

Call me.

Don't press your luck.

Ah, what are you looking at?