Batman: The Animated Series (1992–1995): Season 1, Episode 52 - Birds of a Feather - full transcript

Ah, Audubon. My personal favorite.

Sorry about the intrusion, sir,
but at least you've been ransacked

by a man of impeccable taste.

Huh?

Two days out of prison and you're
back to your old games, Penguin?

You again, and again and again!

So today's the day, huh?

Planning on making a big splash?

No need.
They never forget the true elite.

Well, they got a lot to remember you by.

Ah, but this time, I'll reclaim my perch
in high society as an upstanding bird.



I've learned my lesson. Never again.

Come. The cream of society awaits.

A limousine is no doubt at the ready.

Oh, what's the matter, Penguin?

Maybe the cream of society
has curdled, huh?

You coming or not?
I got a schedule, you know.

And a lovely disposition to go with it.

Well, this is hardly the style
to which I am accustomed.

Glad you like it.

I'm slipping, Pierce.

Only 24 invitations this month.

My dear, you're practically out.

It's high time you threw a party.

And make it the biggest bash ever.



Yes, yes, but how?

I'm out of charities
until spring at least,

and there are
no interesting celebrities.

Hmm.

Remember when the Joker crashed
Muffy Van AIten's last affair?

He robbed us blind,
but hey, what a giggle.

Yeah, it was amusing.
But the Joker's yesterday's news.

Then have a peek at today's.

Ooh.

I love it!

I'd best prepare myself
for the welcoming throngs.

Well, fellow rogues,
it's great to be back.

If you're trying to surprise me,
you're doing an excellent job.

Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc?

Joker, old shoe.

None of the above, Penguin.

Oh, no! Not you.

Get used to it.

Wherever you go,
I'll be right behind you.

Precisely where you belong.

But you needn't bother.
Haven't you heard? I've reformed.

Paid my debt to society and all that.

We'll see.

I just came to tell you
to keep your beak clean.

As long as you're here,

won't you stay for a cappuccino?

Just what I need, a bat in my belfry.

Hold on. Hold on, I'm coming. Hello.

Mr. Cobblepot? Veronica Vreeland here.

Veronica Vreeland?

The Veronica Vreeland?

Yes. And I'm sure there's
only one Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot.

I've so wanted to meet you.

You have?

Are you free for dinner tomorrow?
7:00-ish at Angelo's?

They do a darling calamari.

Oh, certainement, my dear.
I'll see you there.

And get this.

Then I said,
"But, Warden, those aren't my pants."

Oh, Ozzie, you are such a rogue.

Ah, si, signore, a table for two?

Is that who I think it is?

Come along, Binky. We've already
been robbed once this year.

Such an enchanting evening.

But tell me, my dear,
what are you hatching?

Whatever do you mean?

There's more to our encounter
than meets my eagle eye, isn't there?

Why, Oswald,
how could you think such a thing?

I've always been captivated
by your... Your rapacious wit.

Not to mention that fine Roman nose.

Naturally. Come, let us fly, my dove.

Gargon, the check, if you please.

With respect, signore, the management
offers the meal with his compliments

if you will just leave.

They seem to know you quite well.
Have you eaten here before?

I've been known to stop by
for a quick carryout.

Hey, I smell money.

By the by, Ozzie, in two days,
I'm throwing a small do,

intimate almost, just 100 or so
of my dearest friends.

I'd be delighted.
You are inviting me, aren't you?

Yes!

Okay, you know the drill, fatso.
Wallet, jewels, cough them up.

You insolent curs.
Don't you know who I am?

Not with that ugly mask you're wearing.

Take him, boys.

En garde!

That's too fine a collar
for a mongrel like you.

Come on, you rotten...

I knew you couldn't stay clean
for more than one day.

Let him go. He didn't do anything.
It was those brutes.

He wasn't with them?

That's right, you vulgar vigilante.

In my day, I associated with
a much higher class of riffraff.

I'm so sorry, Ozzie.

As long as you weren't bruised,
my peach.

"Peach"?

Why don't you be a good masked man
and ride off into the night.

This time, I'll clean up after you.

He fenced with his umbrella?
How droll.

This Penguin will
absolutely make your party.

You know, it was
quite touching actually.

It's not often that a man
rushes to my rescue.

Unfortunately, he wants to see me again.

Who's that, Veronica?

I've heard you're running around
with a dangerous crowd.

Well, keep it under your hat, Brucie,

but, I've just snagged
the Penguin for my party.

Why?

For the entertainment, dodo.

Can't you just see their faces
when that stuffed capon waddles in?

I'd think twice if I were you.

Oh, lighten up, Wayne.

After all, he is NOKD.

"Not our kind, dear."

Better be careful that your little joke
doesn't come home to roost.

So you're the president
of Gotham First Federal.

I hope you've beefed up your security.

Those time locks were easy
to circumnavigate, as I recall.

Sir, you leave me at a loss for words.

I certainly left you
at a loss for funds.

Lovely dress. Prison chic?

Makes her look like
a gathering of Cell Block 3.

Say, isn't that Mayor Hill? Hey, Hammy!

He's beautiful.

Can you imagine tomorrow's papers?

There's not enough ink
to print all his faux pas.

I don't know, Pierce.
I've got a bad feeling about this.

Admiring the Vreeland jewelry,
Mr. Cobblepot?

Ah, Mr. Wayne, isn't it?

Actually, I was thinking of
adding this to her collection.

I'm sorry.

Maybe the rumors of your reform
are not exaggerated.

Anything's possible
when love is involved.

If you'll excuse me.

Oh, will you relax?

You've done him a favor.

But, Pierce...

You said it yourself.

That fat bird would never get invited
to a party like this,

not with those clothes,
that waddle, those flippers.

Oswald!

Did she mention my fine Roman nose?

- Who was that?
- What happened?

- What's going on?
- Good heavens.

Pierce?

He took her.

Well, it's been over 24 hours.

I assure you that every available man
is on this case, Mr. Chapman.

It's times like these when I wonder
why we pay you people.

Listen here, you simpering little twit!

You were foolish enough
to invite the Penguin.

Now it's his party.

What is it?

The ransom note.

He wants $1 million from her trust.

Petty cash. Easily done.

There's just one catch, Mr. Chapman.

- He wants you to make the drop.
- The drop?

Huh?

"Go to the corner
of Barr and Englehart."

Look sharp, boys.

Shouldn't be long now.

Hello?

Boo!

Penguin, is that you?

It's Pierce. I've got the money.

I knew I could count on your kind.

Right, I'll just leave it here,

and you can pick it up
at your convenience.

Not quite, my friend.

Take exactly one step out of the booth,

turn left and start walking.

How far?

You'll know when you get there.

We lost him in the sewers.

Time to disembark.
Don't forget your luggage.

That's right,
just follow my mellifluous chirp.

What's happening?

Pierce!

Oh, my Lord!

Help!

I believe you two know each other.

Hey, what is this?

The end of the show,
when the fat bird sings.

Ah!

Please, Oswald. If it's money you want,
I can get you more.

Shut up!

All I wanted from you, dearie,
was a little friendship.

That would've cost you nothing.
But now you'll pay.

Huh?

I believe this calls for
an acceleration of my plans.

It's been smashing.

Oswald, it needn't end this way.

I truly was growing fond of you.
We might've been friends.

- We still might.
- Yes, we all might.

Sorry.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost,"

and made a small profit,

"than never to have loved at all."

Fashionably late, I see.

On to Act 2.

Tally-ho!

And who says opera has to be boring?

- No!
- Help!

We'll end this on a high note.

Whoa!

No!

Careful. Careful.

Oswald,

I really was growing fond of you.

It's too bad this had to happen.

I suppose it's true what they say.

Society is to blame.

High society.

English - SDH