Batman: The Animated Series (1992–1995): Season 1, Episode 41 - If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich? - full transcript
A fired puzzle designer seeks revenge against his greedy former employer as The Riddler.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- MOCKRIDGE: Miss Welbeck.
- Yes, Mr. Mockridge?
MOCKRIDGE: Has Edward Nygma come in yet?
WELBECK'. I don't think so.
MOCKRDGE'. Good. If you need me,
I'll be down on the eighth floor.
(GRUNTS)
What's going on here?
Where's my office?
My door was right here.
"Was" is right.
What's the meaning of this?
MOCKRIDGE: What does it look like,
Eddie?
You're out of here. You're history.
You're fired. Comprende?
Have you lost what passes for your mind?
You can't afford
to do without me, Mockridge.
I can if you're gonna
sue me for royalties.
I created
the Riddle of the Minotaur game.
This company is making millions
from my genius.
Competitron Software's success
didn't come from the product, Nygma.
Competitron has a corporate attitude.
Its strength is in the boardroom,
the deal, the contract.
Specifically the work-for-hire contract
you signed.
You are a fool, Mockridge,
to think you can get away with this.
Your amoral greed is no match
for an intellect like mine.
Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie.
If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?
So I've made sure that Competitron
owns all rights to
Riddle of the Minotaur free and clear.
Considering all the licensing
and merchandising,
well heck, we just built a Minotaur
amusement park outside this city.
And if we'd had to pay royalties
on all that to the creator--
You can stop pitching, Mockridge.
I want this deal
so I can move Competitron to Gotham.
This city desperately needs
the jobs it'll create.
(GASPS)
What's he trying to...
BRUCE: What did you say?
Mockridge, are you okay? Mockridge!
We'll have to wrap this up later, guys.
Something's come up.
Excuse me.
Well, whatever that meant,
it sure rattled his cage.
BRUCE: "Why do multi-million dollar
deals break down in the wasteland?"
It has to have a double meaning.
Master Dick,
that must be quite a computer game
to be worth tying up
a $50 million computer.
Not a game, Alfred, the game.
Riddle of the Minotaur.
-(BEEPING)
-it's really cool, look.
Not only do you have to avoid
all these traps,
but you've gotta solve
all these riddles.
(DICK READING)
Well, a straight line. What else?
Begging your pardon, young sir,
but mightn't the answer on a globe
be a curved line?
BATMAN: Wasteland, wasteland.
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- My word.
-Oh, that. That's the Hand of Fate.
When you make a mistake, it picks you up
and takes you
to another part of the maze.
Doesn't Mockridge own a club downtown
called The Wasteland?
The Wasteland! (GROANS)
Right.
- The Wasteland.
- I mean in the game.
It's a dead end, see?
BATMAN: Come on.
Daniel Mockridge is walking into a trap.
MOCKRIDGE: Nygma?
NYQma.
RIDDLER: Decode that message
all by yourself, Mockridge,
or did you have help?
You're trespassing, Nygma. Get out.
You can't kill this deal.
I'm selling out to Wayne,
and there's nothing you can do
to stop me.
Of course there isn't.
You don't understand.
I have a proposition for you.
You've come up with a new game?
This? No, this puzzle is far more
than any mere game.
Wouldn't you agree?
Or do you need to try it yourself?
Solve it. Then we'll talk.
Oh, for crying out loud.
(GRUNTING)
What is this,
some kind of extortion scheme?
You think I want money?
Not anymore. What I want now is you.
(GASPS)
Empty-
RIDDLER: Well, well.
"Bat" something-or-other, isn't it?
Who invited you?
You know what happens to gatecrashers?
They have to match wits with...
The Riddler.
The Riddler?
What is that, Nygma,
some kind of joke on your name?
NVQma?
My, my. Can we actually have a brain
beneath that pointy cowl of ours?
So tell me, have you brawn to match?
(SNAP$)
(GROWLS)
(GROWLS)
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHS)
(YELLS)
(GROWLS)
I love that trick,
but I can never make it work.
Let's consider you
handled for now, shall we?
(GRUNTING)
ROBIN: Coming through!
Well done, Batman.
But have you wits enough to save
two people at the same time?
(CRIES OUT)
It's my own variation
on the Chinese finger puzzle.
MOCKRIDGE: Batman, you gotta help me.
I can pay you, Batman!
Anything YOU want!
Batman!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
ROBIN: Hey, it's getting hot in here.
Get me out of this thing!
What did you mean, a joke on his name?
You know who he is?
I figured the creator
of the Minotaur game
was behind this
the minute I saw that billboard.
I read all about him
in the company records I examined.
His name's Nygma, Edward Nygma.
I get it. E. Nygma_
Meaning a puzzle or riddle. An enigma.
At least we know who we're looking for.
Hey, Bruce, look.
(CARS HONKING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(BEEPS)
ROBIN: The lights.
Why are they all flashing?
BATMAN: It's Morse code.
That should get their attention.
But why? You got the guy you wanted.
Batman knows who I am.
We'll have to put him
and his snot-nosed cohort
out of the way first.
Come on.
What did it say?
"When is the Minotaur's owner
as high as an elephant's eye?"
Hmm.
Well, Mockridge owns the Minotaur,
but what's as high as an elephant's eye?
Corn.
- Corn?
-(TIRES SCREECH)
BATMAN: It's from an old song lyric,
before your time.
So, what's he saying?
"When Mockridge is corny"?
"When Mockridge is in the corn"?
What's another word meaning "corn"?
- Uh... Kernel? Cob?
- Maize!
"When Mockridge is in the maize."
ROBIN: The maze at the amusement park.
BATMAN'. Exactly.
BATMAN: Where's Mockridge?
In the center of the maze,
along with the Minotaur robot.
I've programmed it to destroy him
at exactly 4:30 a.m.
Which gives you less than 10 minutes
to run the maze and find him.
But first, throw down
your utility belts.
It'll be more interesting that way,
don't you think?
Now you may enter.
RIDDLER: Oh! And by the way,
you'll have to answer
the Riddle of the Minotaur too.
BATMAN: I can't wait.
How far did you say you got in the game?
ROBIN: I'm not sure. Maybe halfway.
BATMAN: Already I love this.
- Now where to?
- I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
BATMAN: Could you do it more quickly?
Oh, the Griffin. Well, that just blocks
off the way you came, that's all.
RIDDLER: Except I've added
an improvement of my own.
"Losers ahead"?
Duck!
Loses a head.
I don't know what's worse,
the traps or the puns.
I guess this isn't
a good time to tell you.
Nobody's ever made it
to the center of the maze.
I'll find Mockridge if I have to tear
this place apart, Nygma.
RIDDLER: I doubt it.
I made sure the perils are quite lethal.
You have eight minutes, gentlemen.
Then Mockridge becomes
the only good corporate shark.
A dead one.
ROBIN: Great.
You don't happen to know Arabic, do you?
No, but I can translate it.
(BATMAN READING)
Oh, terrific.
Let's just pick one and move!
(GASPS)
We're going the wrong way!
'Cause here comes the Hand of Fate!
BATMAN: Of course! We went to the left,
but in the Arab world,
you always eat with your right hand.
We've gotta use one of these keys.
Yes, but which one?
And why are they labeled A, C and D?
Don't look at me.
BATMAN: Let's try D.
Look out!
Try another one.
Okay-
A this time.
ROBIN: No, wait!
Turn that key
and there'll be three blades.
- But how do you--
-it's the C key. Trust me.
It's a musical puzzle.
They key of D has two sharps.
The key of A has three.
But the key of C has no sharps.
(GASPS)
ROBIN: The shortest distance
between two points on a globe.
That one I remember.
RIDDLER: One minute, Batman.
Stay here.
- But that's the wrong door.
- I know.
- But the Hand!
- That's what I want.
(GRUNTS)
Batman! Batman, where are you?
Forget it, kid.
I handed him his walking papers.
Get on.
Just one question. How?
I linked it to my palmtop computer.
RIDDLER:
That is grand-scale cheating, Batman.
You're not allowed
to tamper with the Hand of Fate.
I don't believe in fate.
You probably don't believe
in minotaurs either.
But you'll still have to answer
the riddle.
MINOTAUR: I have billions of eyes,
yet I live in darkness.
I have millions of ears,
yet only four lobes.
I have no muscle,
yet I rule two hemispheres.
What am I?
That's simple. The human brain.
(POWERING DOWN)
It has billions of optic
and auditory nerves
four lobes and two hemispheres.
And it's the only thing
Edward Nygma respects.
A lucky guess, that's all.
But it won't save you, Batman.
Destroy them!
(GASPS)
I solved your riddle, Nygma.
Now here's one for you.
How do you take out a minotaur
with a single blow?
Like this!
You're through, Nygma.
Sorry, boys, but you'll never find me.
I'm not even in the amusement park.
And by the time you get out of the maze,
I'll be out of the city.
DICK:
I guess the mayor's happy about this.
Bringing in $5.5 million a year
in new jobs will do that.
But that creep Mockridge got to pocket
a cool 10 mil from the buyout.
What a burn.
Maybe. But we've been searching
for The Riddler for months,
and he's still out there.
(WHIMPERS)
BATMAN: Mockridge may have his money,
but he won't be sleeping well.
How much is a good night's sleep worth?
Now there's a riddle for you.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
English - SDH
- MOCKRIDGE: Miss Welbeck.
- Yes, Mr. Mockridge?
MOCKRIDGE: Has Edward Nygma come in yet?
WELBECK'. I don't think so.
MOCKRDGE'. Good. If you need me,
I'll be down on the eighth floor.
(GRUNTS)
What's going on here?
Where's my office?
My door was right here.
"Was" is right.
What's the meaning of this?
MOCKRIDGE: What does it look like,
Eddie?
You're out of here. You're history.
You're fired. Comprende?
Have you lost what passes for your mind?
You can't afford
to do without me, Mockridge.
I can if you're gonna
sue me for royalties.
I created
the Riddle of the Minotaur game.
This company is making millions
from my genius.
Competitron Software's success
didn't come from the product, Nygma.
Competitron has a corporate attitude.
Its strength is in the boardroom,
the deal, the contract.
Specifically the work-for-hire contract
you signed.
You are a fool, Mockridge,
to think you can get away with this.
Your amoral greed is no match
for an intellect like mine.
Oh, yeah? Then tell me something, Eddie.
If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?
So I've made sure that Competitron
owns all rights to
Riddle of the Minotaur free and clear.
Considering all the licensing
and merchandising,
well heck, we just built a Minotaur
amusement park outside this city.
And if we'd had to pay royalties
on all that to the creator--
You can stop pitching, Mockridge.
I want this deal
so I can move Competitron to Gotham.
This city desperately needs
the jobs it'll create.
(GASPS)
What's he trying to...
BRUCE: What did you say?
Mockridge, are you okay? Mockridge!
We'll have to wrap this up later, guys.
Something's come up.
Excuse me.
Well, whatever that meant,
it sure rattled his cage.
BRUCE: "Why do multi-million dollar
deals break down in the wasteland?"
It has to have a double meaning.
Master Dick,
that must be quite a computer game
to be worth tying up
a $50 million computer.
Not a game, Alfred, the game.
Riddle of the Minotaur.
-(BEEPING)
-it's really cool, look.
Not only do you have to avoid
all these traps,
but you've gotta solve
all these riddles.
(DICK READING)
Well, a straight line. What else?
Begging your pardon, young sir,
but mightn't the answer on a globe
be a curved line?
BATMAN: Wasteland, wasteland.
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- My word.
-Oh, that. That's the Hand of Fate.
When you make a mistake, it picks you up
and takes you
to another part of the maze.
Doesn't Mockridge own a club downtown
called The Wasteland?
The Wasteland! (GROANS)
Right.
- The Wasteland.
- I mean in the game.
It's a dead end, see?
BATMAN: Come on.
Daniel Mockridge is walking into a trap.
MOCKRIDGE: Nygma?
NYQma.
RIDDLER: Decode that message
all by yourself, Mockridge,
or did you have help?
You're trespassing, Nygma. Get out.
You can't kill this deal.
I'm selling out to Wayne,
and there's nothing you can do
to stop me.
Of course there isn't.
You don't understand.
I have a proposition for you.
You've come up with a new game?
This? No, this puzzle is far more
than any mere game.
Wouldn't you agree?
Or do you need to try it yourself?
Solve it. Then we'll talk.
Oh, for crying out loud.
(GRUNTING)
What is this,
some kind of extortion scheme?
You think I want money?
Not anymore. What I want now is you.
(GASPS)
Empty-
RIDDLER: Well, well.
"Bat" something-or-other, isn't it?
Who invited you?
You know what happens to gatecrashers?
They have to match wits with...
The Riddler.
The Riddler?
What is that, Nygma,
some kind of joke on your name?
NVQma?
My, my. Can we actually have a brain
beneath that pointy cowl of ours?
So tell me, have you brawn to match?
(SNAP$)
(GROWLS)
(GROWLS)
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHS)
(YELLS)
(GROWLS)
I love that trick,
but I can never make it work.
Let's consider you
handled for now, shall we?
(GRUNTING)
ROBIN: Coming through!
Well done, Batman.
But have you wits enough to save
two people at the same time?
(CRIES OUT)
It's my own variation
on the Chinese finger puzzle.
MOCKRIDGE: Batman, you gotta help me.
I can pay you, Batman!
Anything YOU want!
Batman!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
ROBIN: Hey, it's getting hot in here.
Get me out of this thing!
What did you mean, a joke on his name?
You know who he is?
I figured the creator
of the Minotaur game
was behind this
the minute I saw that billboard.
I read all about him
in the company records I examined.
His name's Nygma, Edward Nygma.
I get it. E. Nygma_
Meaning a puzzle or riddle. An enigma.
At least we know who we're looking for.
Hey, Bruce, look.
(CARS HONKING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
(BEEPS)
ROBIN: The lights.
Why are they all flashing?
BATMAN: It's Morse code.
That should get their attention.
But why? You got the guy you wanted.
Batman knows who I am.
We'll have to put him
and his snot-nosed cohort
out of the way first.
Come on.
What did it say?
"When is the Minotaur's owner
as high as an elephant's eye?"
Hmm.
Well, Mockridge owns the Minotaur,
but what's as high as an elephant's eye?
Corn.
- Corn?
-(TIRES SCREECH)
BATMAN: It's from an old song lyric,
before your time.
So, what's he saying?
"When Mockridge is corny"?
"When Mockridge is in the corn"?
What's another word meaning "corn"?
- Uh... Kernel? Cob?
- Maize!
"When Mockridge is in the maize."
ROBIN: The maze at the amusement park.
BATMAN'. Exactly.
BATMAN: Where's Mockridge?
In the center of the maze,
along with the Minotaur robot.
I've programmed it to destroy him
at exactly 4:30 a.m.
Which gives you less than 10 minutes
to run the maze and find him.
But first, throw down
your utility belts.
It'll be more interesting that way,
don't you think?
Now you may enter.
RIDDLER: Oh! And by the way,
you'll have to answer
the Riddle of the Minotaur too.
BATMAN: I can't wait.
How far did you say you got in the game?
ROBIN: I'm not sure. Maybe halfway.
BATMAN: Already I love this.
- Now where to?
- I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
BATMAN: Could you do it more quickly?
Oh, the Griffin. Well, that just blocks
off the way you came, that's all.
RIDDLER: Except I've added
an improvement of my own.
"Losers ahead"?
Duck!
Loses a head.
I don't know what's worse,
the traps or the puns.
I guess this isn't
a good time to tell you.
Nobody's ever made it
to the center of the maze.
I'll find Mockridge if I have to tear
this place apart, Nygma.
RIDDLER: I doubt it.
I made sure the perils are quite lethal.
You have eight minutes, gentlemen.
Then Mockridge becomes
the only good corporate shark.
A dead one.
ROBIN: Great.
You don't happen to know Arabic, do you?
No, but I can translate it.
(BATMAN READING)
Oh, terrific.
Let's just pick one and move!
(GASPS)
We're going the wrong way!
'Cause here comes the Hand of Fate!
BATMAN: Of course! We went to the left,
but in the Arab world,
you always eat with your right hand.
We've gotta use one of these keys.
Yes, but which one?
And why are they labeled A, C and D?
Don't look at me.
BATMAN: Let's try D.
Look out!
Try another one.
Okay-
A this time.
ROBIN: No, wait!
Turn that key
and there'll be three blades.
- But how do you--
-it's the C key. Trust me.
It's a musical puzzle.
They key of D has two sharps.
The key of A has three.
But the key of C has no sharps.
(GASPS)
ROBIN: The shortest distance
between two points on a globe.
That one I remember.
RIDDLER: One minute, Batman.
Stay here.
- But that's the wrong door.
- I know.
- But the Hand!
- That's what I want.
(GRUNTS)
Batman! Batman, where are you?
Forget it, kid.
I handed him his walking papers.
Get on.
Just one question. How?
I linked it to my palmtop computer.
RIDDLER:
That is grand-scale cheating, Batman.
You're not allowed
to tamper with the Hand of Fate.
I don't believe in fate.
You probably don't believe
in minotaurs either.
But you'll still have to answer
the riddle.
MINOTAUR: I have billions of eyes,
yet I live in darkness.
I have millions of ears,
yet only four lobes.
I have no muscle,
yet I rule two hemispheres.
What am I?
That's simple. The human brain.
(POWERING DOWN)
It has billions of optic
and auditory nerves
four lobes and two hemispheres.
And it's the only thing
Edward Nygma respects.
A lucky guess, that's all.
But it won't save you, Batman.
Destroy them!
(GASPS)
I solved your riddle, Nygma.
Now here's one for you.
How do you take out a minotaur
with a single blow?
Like this!
You're through, Nygma.
Sorry, boys, but you'll never find me.
I'm not even in the amusement park.
And by the time you get out of the maze,
I'll be out of the city.
DICK:
I guess the mayor's happy about this.
Bringing in $5.5 million a year
in new jobs will do that.
But that creep Mockridge got to pocket
a cool 10 mil from the buyout.
What a burn.
Maybe. But we've been searching
for The Riddler for months,
and he's still out there.
(WHIMPERS)
BATMAN: Mockridge may have his money,
but he won't be sleeping well.
How much is a good night's sleep worth?
Now there's a riddle for you.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
English - SDH