Batman: The Animated Series (1992–1995): Season 1, Episode 11 - Be a Clown - full transcript
An offhand remark by Mayor Hill on television spurs the Joker into sneaking onto his estate disguised as a clown at the birthday party for Hill's son, Jordan. Joker plants a bomb, but Bruce...
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
MAYOR HILL: Ever since my election,
I've promised the people
I'd build them a safe,
affordable place to live.
Gotham Towers is that place.
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
Your safety has always been
my prime concern.
And under my leadership,
no city will be safer
or more free of crime
than Gotham City...
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
- Look out!
- Run!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(SCREAMS)
Batman!
(BOTH GROAN)
Garbage collection is normally Monday,
but in your case,
I'm making an exception.
(REPORTERS EXCLAIMING)
Batman, wait!
(GROANING)
Regarding safety in the city, sir,
you were saying?
Well, I...
Well, what just happened
was an isolated incident.
There are just a few rotten apples
giving an otherwise peaceful community
a bad name.
Do you include Batman
in those rotten apples, Mayor?
Absolutely.
He and criminals like the Joker
are cut from the same cloth.
What? Compare me to Batman?
I got more style, more brains.
I'm certainly a better dresser.
Furthermore, I intend to run every one
of these costumed freaks out of town,
and make all of Gotham City
as safe as my own mansion.
Oh, really?
Well, we'll just see
how safe your mansion is,
you babbling bonehead.
Get a move on, Franklin.
It's almost time for the party.
Yes, sir.
Some very important people will be here,
and I don't want anything to go wrong.
By the way, have you seen my son?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I will now perform
my famous disappearing-wand trick.
Abracadabra.
(TOYS CLATTERING)
Jordan, stop fooling
with those stupid magic tricks.
Your party is starting.
They're not stupid, and it's your party.
Nonsense. I've invited some children.
Yeah, your friends' kids.
I don't even know any of them.
I'm not going to argue with you,
young man.
I'll expect you downstairs
in five minutes.
MAYOR HILL: Hello. Glad you could come.
Senator Finch. What a pleasant surprise.
Did you get a good shot of me
with the Senator?
- Yes, sir.
- Excellent.
Smile, Jordan.
You'd think you're having a bad time.
- No kidding.
- Well, cheer up.
I've got a surprise coming,
which should be here by now.
Councilman Frye. And this must be Timmy?
Happy birthday. Where's the food?
VOICE: Did someone say "food?"
I'm the guy with the goodies.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(BURSTING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Mayor Hill, I presume.
Jekko. Jekko the Magnificent.
- Pleased to... Ow!
-(BUZZING)
(ALL LAUGH)
Always gives the party a charge.
(CHUCKLES)
It's showtime!
- All right.
-(ALL CLAP)
Thank you! Thank you! (LAUGHS)
Where'd you learn that, Jekko?
From the great Prosciutto.
Now there was a ham.
(LAUGHS)
How can I get to be
a great magician like you?
Well, there are three steps.
Step one, run away.
Step two,
find a magician with a great act.
And step three,
steal it.
That... That, that's okay.
I think I got it.
Bruce! Bruce Wayne!
How good of you to come.
Jordan will be so happy to see you.
I know the sooner I give him this,
the happier I'll be.
Could you show us more, please, Jekko?
Sure, birthday boy.
I'm saving the best for last.
Jordan, I've got more guests
for you to meet.
But, Dad,
Jekko was just going to show us a trick.
- Sorry, but Mr. Wayne is waiting and--
- I don't care about Mr. Wayne!
Hush. You'll do what I say. Now come on.
It's always what you want.
You! You! You!
(GUESTS GASPING)
(LAUGHS) Kids.
Turn that off!
Oh! Too bad for birthday boy.
This last trick is pure dynamite.
- Ta-da!
- BOY: What is it?
It's a birthday candle, Einstein.
Except this one blows you out.
(LAUGHS)
Now scoot, you kids. Show's over.
Go find some goodies.
This trick's for the grown-ups.
(LAUGHS)
It's time for Jordo to make his wish.
And mine, too.
Oh, my! A sparkler candle.
Keep watching and I'll, uh...
Get the birthday brat.
I don't know
where Jordan could have gone.
He was dying to see you.
- You know kids.
- Not really.
So long, Mayor. Got to go.
But I left them with a bang.
(LAUGHS)
- That laugh...
- Good riddance, Jerko.
As I was saying... Hey.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
- Watch out!
- Hey, pal!
BRUCE: Excuse me. Excuse me!
I'm sorry. Pardon me.
Coming through. Out of my way, please.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Pardon me. Oops!
GUESTS: Aw.
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
I want answers!
Nobody makes a fool of me,
especially in my own home.
At least no one was hurt.
Mr. Mayor,
this is the real Jekko the Clown.
We found him tied up down the road.
Some maniac jumped me,
stole my wagon and my costume.
Mayor, where's Jordan?
(TANKS CLANKING)
(LAUGHING)
TNT with your cake, sir?
Oh, I crack myself up!
WOW!
Denying reports of a bomb blast
at his son's birthday party,
Mayor Hill insists the explosion
was caused by faulty electrical wiring.
Yeah, right!
(LAUGHING)
The Mayor declined, however, to confirm
that his son, Jordan, is missing.
Missing?
It's me, Jekko. I ran away.
You did what?
I, I want to be a magician, like you.
(GROWLS)
(LAUGHS) Well, kid, you got
step one right. Come on in.
I've been thinking about a protege.
It sure could be the Joker.
If only I'd been paying more attention,
he wouldn't have run away.
Take it easy, Mayor.
I'm sure the police will find Jordan.
I tell you, Wayne,
things are going to be different,
if only he'd come back.
JORDAN: Where'd you learn that, Jekko?
From the great Prosciutto.
Now there was a ham.
(LAUGHS)
- But isn't swallowing a sword dangerous?
- Watch.
Hey! How did you do it?
Easy, kid.
It's a trick sword.
-(GASPS)
- Now, you try it.
Uh-uh. You could get cut.
Hey! If it wasn't risky,
I wouldn't enjoy it.
(LAUGHS)
-(BEEPING)
- What's that?
- Security, my boy.
You can't be too careful
in this part of town.
(DIGITAL BEEPING)
JOKER: Well, if it ain't
the Caped Coconut.
My dad says Batman's no good.
Well, then I guess your dad's
not a total idiot.
What do you say
we play a little joke on Batman?
You can be my assistant.
Come on. This'll be a killer!
(LAUGHS)
Come one, come all.
It's...
"Jekko the Jokester."
Ja... Jekko the Jokester.
Jordan!
(GASPS)
(WHISPERS) This isn't a game, Jordan.
Where's Jekko?
(LAUGHING)
Take a card, Batso.
Take all the cards!
Now it's my deal.
Not so fast!
A good magician always keeps an ace
up his sleeve.
This one always floors them!
(coueus)
Oh, my gosh.
We bagged a big one this time!
(LAUGHING)
- He isn't hurt, is he?
- Hurt? (GASPS) Heavens!
You wound me to the quick.
The enemy merely slumbers.
No doubt dreaming of more foul deeds
to render upon the fair citizens
of Gotham.
But his fate is not for us to decide.
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
(MACHINE DINGS)
(LAUGHS) You're going to love this.
JOKER: Wake up, Batman. You're on.
(WATER RUNNING)
For your viewing pleasure,
we present the infamous water tank trap.
The great Houdini survived such a test.
Dare we demand less of the Batman?
- I don't like this, Jekko.
- Quiet, kid. It's a free ticket.
(GRUNTING)
He did it! He got free.
They don't make straitjackets
like they used to.
I should know.
He can't get out. What's the trick?
That's just it. There is no trick!
No! He'll drown!
That's why they call it the finale!
Now sit down and enjoy the show.
Hey!
Come back!
-(GASPS)
-(MECHANICAL LAUGHTER PLAYS)
(SING-SONG) Naughty, naughty.
You're making me miss the show.
(GASPS)
(PANTING) All right, Joker.
Get ready for a little bat magic.
(GASPING)
(CLANKING)
(GASPS)
JOKER: Oh, Jordo!
(GATE CLOSES)
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
What?
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- Gotcha!
-(GASPS)
No!
Come here, you little...
On second thought...
I love a roller coaster.
Too bad you missed the train.
(CHUCKLES)
Fasten your seat belt,
it's going to be a bumpy ride.
(LAUGHS)
You win the prize, Batman.
Catch the Kewpie!
JOKER: Whee!
Butterfingers!
Kewpie-dewpie number two-ea!
You just don't like to play with dolls,
do you?
- That must have been his stop.
-(WHIMPERING)
On the contrary, Joker.
This is where you get off.
(YELLS)
(SCREAMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Smell the roses, Batman.
(SCREAMING)
He always knew how to make an exit.
(GASPS)
- Oh, my gosh!
- Jordan!
Reach for me. You have to trust me.
NOW!
JORDAN: Whoa!
Can we go home now?
(SIGHS)
JORDAN: Dad! Daddy!
Jordan? Jordan.
Oh, you're back.
My boy is back.
- I'm so sorry for running away.
- Please forgive me for the party.
We can talk later.
Right now, I want to give you
the biggest birthday hug you ever got.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
English - SDH
MAYOR HILL: Ever since my election,
I've promised the people
I'd build them a safe,
affordable place to live.
Gotham Towers is that place.
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
Your safety has always been
my prime concern.
And under my leadership,
no city will be safer
or more free of crime
than Gotham City...
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
- Look out!
- Run!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(SCREAMS)
Batman!
(BOTH GROAN)
Garbage collection is normally Monday,
but in your case,
I'm making an exception.
(REPORTERS EXCLAIMING)
Batman, wait!
(GROANING)
Regarding safety in the city, sir,
you were saying?
Well, I...
Well, what just happened
was an isolated incident.
There are just a few rotten apples
giving an otherwise peaceful community
a bad name.
Do you include Batman
in those rotten apples, Mayor?
Absolutely.
He and criminals like the Joker
are cut from the same cloth.
What? Compare me to Batman?
I got more style, more brains.
I'm certainly a better dresser.
Furthermore, I intend to run every one
of these costumed freaks out of town,
and make all of Gotham City
as safe as my own mansion.
Oh, really?
Well, we'll just see
how safe your mansion is,
you babbling bonehead.
Get a move on, Franklin.
It's almost time for the party.
Yes, sir.
Some very important people will be here,
and I don't want anything to go wrong.
By the way, have you seen my son?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I will now perform
my famous disappearing-wand trick.
Abracadabra.
(TOYS CLATTERING)
Jordan, stop fooling
with those stupid magic tricks.
Your party is starting.
They're not stupid, and it's your party.
Nonsense. I've invited some children.
Yeah, your friends' kids.
I don't even know any of them.
I'm not going to argue with you,
young man.
I'll expect you downstairs
in five minutes.
MAYOR HILL: Hello. Glad you could come.
Senator Finch. What a pleasant surprise.
Did you get a good shot of me
with the Senator?
- Yes, sir.
- Excellent.
Smile, Jordan.
You'd think you're having a bad time.
- No kidding.
- Well, cheer up.
I've got a surprise coming,
which should be here by now.
Councilman Frye. And this must be Timmy?
Happy birthday. Where's the food?
VOICE: Did someone say "food?"
I'm the guy with the goodies.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(BURSTING)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Mayor Hill, I presume.
Jekko. Jekko the Magnificent.
- Pleased to... Ow!
-(BUZZING)
(ALL LAUGH)
Always gives the party a charge.
(CHUCKLES)
It's showtime!
- All right.
-(ALL CLAP)
Thank you! Thank you! (LAUGHS)
Where'd you learn that, Jekko?
From the great Prosciutto.
Now there was a ham.
(LAUGHS)
How can I get to be
a great magician like you?
Well, there are three steps.
Step one, run away.
Step two,
find a magician with a great act.
And step three,
steal it.
That... That, that's okay.
I think I got it.
Bruce! Bruce Wayne!
How good of you to come.
Jordan will be so happy to see you.
I know the sooner I give him this,
the happier I'll be.
Could you show us more, please, Jekko?
Sure, birthday boy.
I'm saving the best for last.
Jordan, I've got more guests
for you to meet.
But, Dad,
Jekko was just going to show us a trick.
- Sorry, but Mr. Wayne is waiting and--
- I don't care about Mr. Wayne!
Hush. You'll do what I say. Now come on.
It's always what you want.
You! You! You!
(GUESTS GASPING)
(LAUGHS) Kids.
Turn that off!
Oh! Too bad for birthday boy.
This last trick is pure dynamite.
- Ta-da!
- BOY: What is it?
It's a birthday candle, Einstein.
Except this one blows you out.
(LAUGHS)
Now scoot, you kids. Show's over.
Go find some goodies.
This trick's for the grown-ups.
(LAUGHS)
It's time for Jordo to make his wish.
And mine, too.
Oh, my! A sparkler candle.
Keep watching and I'll, uh...
Get the birthday brat.
I don't know
where Jordan could have gone.
He was dying to see you.
- You know kids.
- Not really.
So long, Mayor. Got to go.
But I left them with a bang.
(LAUGHS)
- That laugh...
- Good riddance, Jerko.
As I was saying... Hey.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
- Watch out!
- Hey, pal!
BRUCE: Excuse me. Excuse me!
I'm sorry. Pardon me.
Coming through. Out of my way, please.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Pardon me. Oops!
GUESTS: Aw.
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
I want answers!
Nobody makes a fool of me,
especially in my own home.
At least no one was hurt.
Mr. Mayor,
this is the real Jekko the Clown.
We found him tied up down the road.
Some maniac jumped me,
stole my wagon and my costume.
Mayor, where's Jordan?
(TANKS CLANKING)
(LAUGHING)
TNT with your cake, sir?
Oh, I crack myself up!
WOW!
Denying reports of a bomb blast
at his son's birthday party,
Mayor Hill insists the explosion
was caused by faulty electrical wiring.
Yeah, right!
(LAUGHING)
The Mayor declined, however, to confirm
that his son, Jordan, is missing.
Missing?
It's me, Jekko. I ran away.
You did what?
I, I want to be a magician, like you.
(GROWLS)
(LAUGHS) Well, kid, you got
step one right. Come on in.
I've been thinking about a protege.
It sure could be the Joker.
If only I'd been paying more attention,
he wouldn't have run away.
Take it easy, Mayor.
I'm sure the police will find Jordan.
I tell you, Wayne,
things are going to be different,
if only he'd come back.
JORDAN: Where'd you learn that, Jekko?
From the great Prosciutto.
Now there was a ham.
(LAUGHS)
- But isn't swallowing a sword dangerous?
- Watch.
Hey! How did you do it?
Easy, kid.
It's a trick sword.
-(GASPS)
- Now, you try it.
Uh-uh. You could get cut.
Hey! If it wasn't risky,
I wouldn't enjoy it.
(LAUGHS)
-(BEEPING)
- What's that?
- Security, my boy.
You can't be too careful
in this part of town.
(DIGITAL BEEPING)
JOKER: Well, if it ain't
the Caped Coconut.
My dad says Batman's no good.
Well, then I guess your dad's
not a total idiot.
What do you say
we play a little joke on Batman?
You can be my assistant.
Come on. This'll be a killer!
(LAUGHS)
Come one, come all.
It's...
"Jekko the Jokester."
Ja... Jekko the Jokester.
Jordan!
(GASPS)
(WHISPERS) This isn't a game, Jordan.
Where's Jekko?
(LAUGHING)
Take a card, Batso.
Take all the cards!
Now it's my deal.
Not so fast!
A good magician always keeps an ace
up his sleeve.
This one always floors them!
(coueus)
Oh, my gosh.
We bagged a big one this time!
(LAUGHING)
- He isn't hurt, is he?
- Hurt? (GASPS) Heavens!
You wound me to the quick.
The enemy merely slumbers.
No doubt dreaming of more foul deeds
to render upon the fair citizens
of Gotham.
But his fate is not for us to decide.
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
(MACHINE DINGS)
(LAUGHS) You're going to love this.
JOKER: Wake up, Batman. You're on.
(WATER RUNNING)
For your viewing pleasure,
we present the infamous water tank trap.
The great Houdini survived such a test.
Dare we demand less of the Batman?
- I don't like this, Jekko.
- Quiet, kid. It's a free ticket.
(GRUNTING)
He did it! He got free.
They don't make straitjackets
like they used to.
I should know.
He can't get out. What's the trick?
That's just it. There is no trick!
No! He'll drown!
That's why they call it the finale!
Now sit down and enjoy the show.
Hey!
Come back!
-(GASPS)
-(MECHANICAL LAUGHTER PLAYS)
(SING-SONG) Naughty, naughty.
You're making me miss the show.
(GASPS)
(PANTING) All right, Joker.
Get ready for a little bat magic.
(GASPING)
(CLANKING)
(GASPS)
JOKER: Oh, Jordo!
(GATE CLOSES)
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
What?
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- Gotcha!
-(GASPS)
No!
Come here, you little...
On second thought...
I love a roller coaster.
Too bad you missed the train.
(CHUCKLES)
Fasten your seat belt,
it's going to be a bumpy ride.
(LAUGHS)
You win the prize, Batman.
Catch the Kewpie!
JOKER: Whee!
Butterfingers!
Kewpie-dewpie number two-ea!
You just don't like to play with dolls,
do you?
- That must have been his stop.
-(WHIMPERING)
On the contrary, Joker.
This is where you get off.
(YELLS)
(SCREAMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Smell the roses, Batman.
(SCREAMING)
He always knew how to make an exit.
(GASPS)
- Oh, my gosh!
- Jordan!
Reach for me. You have to trust me.
NOW!
JORDAN: Whoa!
Can we go home now?
(SIGHS)
JORDAN: Dad! Daddy!
Jordan? Jordan.
Oh, you're back.
My boy is back.
- I'm so sorry for running away.
- Please forgive me for the party.
We can talk later.
Right now, I want to give you
the biggest birthday hug you ever got.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
English - SDH