Batman (1966–1968): Season 2, Episode 8 - Tut's Case Is Shut - full transcript

Thus far, we have
seen King Tut...

and his tank full of lovelies.

While his Tutling heists
some amber beads.

But why?

A vitamin pill
and a call for help.

Even Batman is stumped.

His one lead...

a lead pestle?

An unholy operation to release
sacred scarabs from their ancient tombs.

Shock treatments
to resurrect them.

Shocking.



The pestle leads to
an apothecary shop...

but Tut escapes
with his scarabs.

All but one, that is.

A breeding farm for the plague?

No, even worse.

Abu raubu simbu tu, a deadly
potion to paralyze the will.

A clever ploy of Batman's.

Robin in the sphinx.

And the Boy
Wonder gives it away.

A precarious perch
for the Boy Wonder.

And Batman to the rescue.

But does Tut have the last word?

Don't go away. The most
horrendous is yet to happen.

Farewell, my moldy sparrow.



In the name of Anubis...

great jackal-headed
patron of the super-criminal...

I commend you to
your fate. Ha, ha, ha.

Come, my loyal
lieges, let's away.

I love my crocodiles madly, but I dislike
the sound of their chewing. Heh, heh, heh.

And I'm sure the
commissioner awaits his pill.

Don't forget to
feed the scarabs.

- Hang on, Robin.
- Batman.

Hang on, old chum.

I'll try something else.

Don't lose heart,
Robin. Here I come.

It was my fault, Batman.

Dropping the
Bat-radio in the sphinx.

I'll be more careful next time.

Experience teaches
slowly, Robin.

And at the cost
of many mistakes.

You know how wives
are, Chief O'Hara.

It's our anniversary, and I
promised I'd take her to lunch...

but leaving this office
under the circumstances...

Think no more about it, commissioner. I'll
be proud to take over for an hour or so.

I consider it an honor
that you've asked me.

I hoped you'd say that.

Miss Patrick, Chief O'Hara is in
charge of this office until I return.

Please, follow
routine procedure.

- Have a good time.
- I will, now.

- Your pill, Chief O'Hara.
- I never take pills.

- It's routine procedure.
- Hm?

Commissioner, thank heavens
I've reached you in time.

Oh, the commissioner has
just stepped out, Batman.

This is Chief O'Hara. I'm in
charge here for the time being.

Well, thank heavens I
reached you, Chief O'Hara.

There's treachery
in that office.

The commissioner's summer secretary,
the one who's replacing Bonnie...

is King Tut's current
queen of the Nile.

- Begorra.
- We'll be there within a half hour.

But don't be persuaded to take one of
the commissioner's vitamin capsules.

Oh, don't you worry, Caped
Crusader, I wouldn't even think of...

I already took one.

Are me eyes playing me tricks?

King Tut, here in this office.

How did you get here?
Didn't anybody see you?

Yes, they saw me.

But I spoke to that charming and
cooperative secretary of yours...

and told her we wish to be
alone for a little private chat.

Unmitigated gall.

On your knees, helot.

You got the wrong helot.

On your knees anyway!

The devil you say, Tut. You'll
not bend my will to yours.

Batman, look.

What's he doing out there?

I suspect the worst, Robin.

Chief O'Hara, take it easy.

Hi. Hello, down
there, me buckos.

He's doing a dance out there
on that itty-bitty ledge. Ha, ha!

Yeah, I know. My every
whim is his command.

- Oh, Tut-tut, give another whim. This is boss.
- Heh, heh, heh.

I'm spoiling you rotten.

I never could resist
a pretty queen.

- Chief O'Hara.
- Huh?

Sorry to disturb you.
A little acrobatics.

Use the pole.

Oh, that's very good.

Don't fall. Heh, heh, heh.

Holy high wire.

It's Batman and Robin. Eeh!

He should be giving my
crocodiles indigestion by this time.

How do you suppose he got
out of that locked tank room?

Chief O'Hara ought
to know better.

It's unwise to condemn
what we don't understand.

He can't help himself now.

But let's try to talk to him.

Let's away again, my pet.

- We have enough sport for one morning.
- Without even seeing him?

Batman, that is.

Cleo, just what does
Batman mean to you?

Oh, I guess it's all that
restoratory power in his body.

Or... Or whatever he said.

Restoratory power
in his body. Mm-hm.

I'll give you restoratory
power. Get in there!

Her wheelbarrow

Through the streets
Wide and narrow

Chief O'Hara, come in now.

Come on in, chief. Easy, now.

Chief O'Hara, it's
time to come in now.

- It is?
- Come along.

Easy, now.

That's it. Take it easy.

My pets.

My babies.

My beautiful emerald
black cherubims.

They all must die.

Yes, Your Kingship.

But remember, it's
for an evil cause.

And also remember that they
will yield at least 95,000 gallons...

of abu raubu simbu tu.

Zowee! That's enough bug juice
to clop everybody in Gotham City...

or my name ain't
Amenophis Tewfik.

If you say that again,
I'm gonna slap you.

But you're right.

After scarabating
the city water supply...

I'll make loyal
subjects of them all.

- You weren't born yesterday either, Tut-tut.
- Heh, heh.

I just hope we can get the stuff
brewed before Batman finds us.

Batman, that big ninny.

I'll have him eating
out of my hand.

And that'll have
him drinking out of it.

And I'll use Chief O'Hara
as the catalytic agent.

Well, we'll have to use
Commissioner Gordon. He's back.

- Chief O'Hara's left.
- That's even better.

The time has come to
execute my royal master plan.

Royal lapidary, prepare
the transfer of the sphinx...

while I pay the commissioner
a brief call. Ha, ha, ha.

I say the first
order of business...

is to have Commissioner Gordon
and Chief O'Hara removed from office.

I mean, we can't have police officials who
are helpless pawns of a master criminal.

Here we are, sir. Six
glasses of buttermilk.

Oh, thank you, Alfred.

You can discount Chief O'Hara.

Robin, I suspect he's the
victim of happenstance.

That still leaves
Commissioner Gordon.

Unfounded suspicions are
often dangerous, old man.

Maybe, but we'd
better do something.

Agreed. If we're to
thwart Tut's evil scheme...

I suspect the answer
is to be found in these...

dusty pages.

If there is an answer.

For every venom,
there's an antidote, Robin.

I've already discovered...

that the Nile Oasis Scarab
became extinct 40 centuries ago.

Yes, commissioner.

I'm very sorry to disturb
you, but this is very important.

Now, listen very carefully.

This is what you have to do.

Very well, commissioner.

We'll be there right away.

The sphinx has reappeared.

He's in Jefferson Square Park...

and it's making predictions...

just as I predicted.

Loyal subjects, I have returned.

And now for my
latest prediction.

Your all-powerful, all-conquering, all-good,
friendly pharaoh will reduce water rates...

give you more drinking fountains, and
will positively stamp out Bat brutality.

This is a promise. This is a
plague. This is a recording.

Oh, the Batman, and Robin
the Boy Wonder. You heard?

New slogan, same old Tut.

But he's right about one thing.

Our fair city could use more drinking
fountains. I'm parched, aren't you?

Oh. A quaint, old-fashioned
refreshments cart. Ha, ha, ha.

May I treat you to a lemonade?

Thank you, commissioner.
That sounds refreshing.

- Boy Wonder?
- No, thank you.

Very well, son.

Two, if you please.

I hope you know what
you're doing, Batman.

He seems quite his old self.

Fine.

Thank you.

Ah. Thank you, commissioner.

To your health.

Never been better.
I'm top-hole...

and as eager as ever
to fight the forces of evil.

To that too.

I'll get that.

And may the first super-criminal to
feel our righteous wrath be King Tut.

I'll sign that one
on the dotted line.

It's for you, Batman.

Excuse me, commissioner.

Surely, surely, surely.

It's King Tut, Batman. And he
insists on talking to you right now.

He does, does he? Well,
I've got a message for him.

Tut, this is Batman.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Of course, my good
and friendly pharaoh.

Your every wish is my command.

I hear and obey.

What is it, Batman?

What's the matter?

Batman, what's wrong?

I can't tell what it is, but I think
something's happened to Batman.

He may have fallen under the spell
of King Tut. Can't you do something?

Batman. Commissioner Gordon.

Batman, we bring you
greetings from His Kingship Tut.

I hear and I obey.

Batman.

Never mind, Robin. Never mind.

Making progress,
royal apothecary?

Tanks are almost
full, Your Kingship.

Good.

As soon as my visitor
arrives and pays me homage...

- we'll conclude my royal master plan.
- Ha, ha, ha.

Hail, mighty Tut.

Take heed, loyal subject...

and note well that what was
prophesied has come to pass.

Mine enemy kneels at mine feet.

Here's another one, boss.

On your knees, Bat-brat.

Never! Get up, Batman.

You see, ex-Boy Wonder?

He now responds
only to my command.

Tut, you are the greatest.

I had planned a
command performance...

to prove that this cringing crusader
is no longer cock of the walk...

but merely a court
jester, a buffoon.

But I see by the royal
apothecary that the tanks are filled.

I must be off about my affairs.

- Tut-tut.
- Yeah?

Can I command a performance
of my own while you're gone?

I want a jester of my own.

And you shall have
one, my queen.

After I have scarabated
the water supply...

you can have your choice
of anyone in Gotham City.

Anyone who's left, that is.

But these two are going to be
fed to my crocodiles right now.

No, no! Not Batman!

Another outburst
like that, Cleo...

and my crocodiles are going to
have a three-course meal. Hm?

He's filled his purpose.

And anyway, my slithering
lovelies missed their lunch.

Tonight, they shall have a
truly succulent feast. Ha, ha, ha.

Take them away.

I'm off to the waterworks.

Your Kingship, Batman's
come out of his spell.

Correction, I never was
under your spell, Tut.

Oh, I drank your
cursed lemonade...

but I took the precaution of
coating my stomach with buttermilk.

Gosh, Batman.

A pure and simple stratagem...

to divine the super-evil
crime you planned...

not only against your fellow man
but against Mother Nature herself.

Buttermilk. Ugh.

A plague on you, Batman.

- Tutlings, sic them.
- Ah!

Unh! Unh! Not now!

Open that hose valve.

Keep your hands off
my abu raubu simbu tu!

No. Not my life's work.

My life's blood and that
of my lovely scarabs.

All for naught. For naught.

You. You!

You're the one.

You're...

You're the nicest man I've ever met, Batman,
and this humble servant kneels at your feet.

His formula, it's
working on him.

Poor deluded man.

He's walking a tightrope, Robin.

Abu raubu simbu
tu plays no favorites.

Gotham City has narrowly averted
a catastrophe of major proportions.

Too bad that such a distinguished
professor in his twin trauma...

should become his
own Cavia porcellus.

Cavia porcellus?

Guinea pig.

I'm appalled, Batman,
truly appalled...

to think that I could have
betrayed my high office.

And to have slipped
you a polluted lemonade.

Don't give it another
thought, commissioner.

That will be all,
young gentlemen.

Complete your assignments
and hand them in tomorrow.

Not again.

I'm off to a faculty meeting.

Oh, you're off, all right,
but not to a faculty meeting.

Your phony Egyptian friends await
our royal presence at the local tombs.

Well... Ah!

I'm a professor at Yale.

You can't do...

The PTA shall hear of this.

- Where am I?
- Are you going to try him in court?

I haven't decided yet. With your
approval, I'd like to think it over.

No choice is easy
in a case like this.

I agree completely,
commissioner.

The law of this city
is in your hands.

We just try to help a bit here
and there, wherever we can.

So brave, so dependable
and so modest.

Rare in men these days.

Very rare.