Batman (1966–1968): Season 2, Episode 6 - Barbecued Batman? - full transcript

We have already seen...

chaos on the stock exchange.

Extortion.

This gentle
minstrel is a threat?

You bet.

How to trace him?

Perhaps by this ingenious bird.

Affirmative.

How to gain entry?

But it's a trap.

Batman prepares
for another trap.



Not a trap door.

And a rotating spit.

Rare, medium, well done?

While a musical monster
supplies his accompaniment.

Can the Dynamic
Duo survive this?

Are they and their goose
to be permanently cooked?

Hang on and find out...

in just one sizzling minute.

Batman and Robin
rotate and revolve

As the heat mounts

You'll lose all resolve

In a few minutes,
we will be prepared

To leave you here
cooking and exit this lair

I've about had it, Batman.



I know. Try to
hang on, old chum.

- What's that?
- Sounded like an explosion.

Well, let's find out.

It's the Bat Bombs I planted.

It caused the
distraction I needed.

If we could just shake
this turnspit pole and snap.

Looks like we've
been bombed, boss.

Obviously a diversionary tactic,
let's get back down to quarters.

Our barbecue chef will be
right back. Let's surprise him.

Minstrel, they're gone.

Now.

Holy fireworks.

Look.

A wandering minstrel I

And now's the time to wander

To give me time to ponder

For my men have
gotten their lumps

I don't indulge in
fisticuffs or vulgar brawling

I hear far places calling

I'll come back when
I hold all the trumps

I'll come back when
I hold all the trumps

I have yet to admit
defeat, Robin...

- but I do find him somewhat frustrating.
- At least we've captured his headquarters.

His headquarters, but certainly
not his broadcasting studio...

nor his henchmen, apparently.

- Let's go after them.
- No, Robin.

Why bother with riffraff,
it's the Minstrel we want.

He may've taken some of
the wind out of my sails...

with that murderous
barbecue... Some...

but not all.

Hello, I'm Octavia.

Your purse.

I didn't mean that.
I mean, I surrender.

That's hardly necessary.

Just from looking at you, I'm sure
your presence here is innocent.

Appearances are
deceiving, Batman.

Appearances, perhaps.

Instinct, seldom.

That's nice.

You're nice.

I think I might like it
better being on your side.

It's always a satisfactory feeling knowing
you're on the side of right, Octavia.

I wasn't talking about right.

I know.

- Are you taking me in?
- Where?

- Why?
- Thank you, Batman.

Perhaps some other
time, some other place.

I hope so.

Then goodbye for now.

You're letting her go?

Well, I admit she's
gorgeous, Batman, but...

what did she have
the others didn't?

Well, Robin, for one thing, she
has a tracking device which I...

just placed in her handbag.

But Batman found the
heterodyning counter oscillator...

that was planted
by the Minstrel.

We're not after bugs. We're
after the Minstrel himself...

and he walked out of the
stock-exchange building as free as a bird.

- What are you trying to say, Chief O'Hara?
- We haven't heard from the Caped Crusader.

And the Minstrel's been on
the air with another warning.

He also warned Batman.

Or could it be some
kind of a signal?

Have you the temerity
to imply that Batman...

was working with the Minstrel?

I don't want to imply it, but
mother machree, commissioner...

what do we really know
about Batman and Robin?

Two... Two masked figures.

Two voices on the telephone.

Whence did they come?
Whither do they go?

Whence and whither
be dashed, Chief O'Hara.

Isn't it enough to know
they're saviors of Gotham City?

Ahh. And helped
out from time to time...

from a department of which
I am the chief, may I add.

You may not.

As a matter of fact, I
have a darn good mind to...

- Yes, Batman?
- I would've called you sooner...

but I have nothing
tangible to report.

I still don't.

As a matter of fact, we
were a little concerned.

And rightly so, Minstrel
is tricky and cunning.

But I would like to
assure you now...

that Robin and I won't rest until
he's safely behind bars for good.

Would you pass that on to your
stalwart co-fighter in crime, Chief O'Hara?

Uh, yes, indeed, Batman.

Now, Chief O'Hara.

It's hard for a proud
man like meself to...

ask forgiveness and
to admit mistakes...

but Commissioner Gordon...

I was foolish and
wrong, and I'm sorry.

Spoken like the upstanding
gentleman and officer of the law that...

all Gotham City has come to
love and admire, Chief O'Hara.

To defame the Dynamic
Duo, even by implication...

is both unjust
and reprehensible.

They are the guardian
angels of this city.

Those two masked figures...

those two voices
on the telephone.

What do you think
the boss is gonna do?

I don't know. He's pretty angry.

Yeah. He sure hates to lose.

What happened? Didn't
Batman take you to jail?

No, of course not.

As a matter of fact, he
was very considerate.

Very nice. MINSTREL: I'm sure.

Well, he was. He's
quite a gentleman.

- Think you've got it?
- Pretty close.

- Shall we send the Bat-drone Plane again?
- That won't be necessary, Robin.

Minstrel, you don't really
have to be so drastic.

Batman's reasonable, maybe
you could make a deal with him.

A deal? Me, make a deal
with that paragon of propriety.

That righteous reformer,
that enemy of enterprise...

that thorn in my flesh?

Never.

Anyhow, he wouldn't do it.

What gave you that idea anyhow?

You must've had a very
cozy little chat with Batman...

or should I say, warm, intimate.

He was a perfect
gentleman, I tell you.

I see what you meant when
you said she was special.

What did you say?

I said he was a
perfect gentleman.

Ha!

That's what the perfect
gentleman was doing...

when he was being
so considerate...

- bugging your purse.
- Why, that spy.

That spy fink.

That does it. Listen
to me, Batman.

We go to plan High C.

Oh no, boss. Not plan High C.

What if it gets out of control?

Yeah. It could bring
the whole world down.

The world? Holy cosmos.

That's a big order, Robin.

Who cares? So
what? It's their world.

Here me again, Batman.

You thought you were
being so very clever...

bugging the lady's purse to track
down the location of this studio.

Well, better than
finding my studio...

I suggest you might want
details of my plan, High C.

Join your broker friends in the
conference room of the stock exchange...

in exactly 30 minutes,
and I wouldn't be late.

Have Commissioner Gordon,
Chief O'Hara and Mr. Cortland too.

I'm sure they'll find it most
interesting. Over and out.

I'm sorry to bother
you, sir. It's Mrs. Cooper.

She was quite concerned
when you were away last night.

I trust you supplied her with
a plausible excuse, Alfred.

I did my best, sir.

But could you tell me,
perhaps, when you will be home?

We have a brief stop first,
we're trying to prevent...

The end of the world.

End of the world?

- Is it time yet?
- Close.

One minute, 45 seconds.

What do you think
he'll do, Batman?

I wish I could guess.

Maybe we should've gone
along with him from the first.

You mean give into
blackmail? That's ruin.

- What is it if we don't?
- You suppose he's bluffing?

I wouldn't count on it.

- What's that?
- What's what?

I don't know, but look.

And the chandelier.

The whole room be going.

It's an earthquake.

What's happening, Batman?

Nothing's shaking.
It's not an earthquake.

It's the Minstrel.

- It stopped.
- What...?

How could it have happened,
Batman? How did he do it?

I don't know how he did it.

I do know what he did.

He must've determined the
frequency of this building...

using the ventilating shafts
as resonant chambers...

he generated a
corresponding frequency.

I see. The same way a singer
can shatter a crystal glass...

by hitting its
resonant note, right?

Right. Precisely, Robin. It's
called "sympathetic vibration."

Of course, that
would be a high note.

His must've been subsonic.

Impossible for the human
ear to detect. Too low.

Then if he hadn't stopped, the
building would've shaken itself apart.

- Right.
- That means he could...

Batman, everybody.

He's on the air.

Well, gentlemen, how
did you like the sample?

- And now, this message.
- He's so suave.

I am the Minstrel
And a mastermind

I'm a modern genius crook

In electronics, I
cannot be surpassed

And that's why
your building shook

To my terms you must agree

Or vibration,
consternation, desolation

Throughout the nation

Accept my terms or there
will be Irreversible calamity

You have until nightfall To
prevent a frightful downfall

Here are the terms.

One:

The certified checks made
out as you were instructed...

will be turned over to
Commissioner Gordon.

Two: Commissioner Gordon
will deliver them to my men...

when I so request.

Three: Announcement
of your agreement to this...

will be made on this
channel at 6 o'clock sharp...

or the stock exchange
becomes a pile of rubble.

And there is nothing
Batman can do to stop it.

Remember, 6 o'clock sharp.

- We've got to do it.
- We can't do it.

Are you mad? He means it.

Yes, but a quarter
million dollars a week?

- Is there any alternative, Batman?
- There just may be, commissioner.

It's not true, gentlemen,
that your building...

will inevitably
be disintegrated.

For no matter what exotic
and brilliant devices...

the Minstrel's installed, he
cannot operate without power.

Holy kilowatts, of course.

- Cut off the power.
- How simple.

Not so simple, to locate all
the circuits in this building...

and connect them to one
master switch in the allotted time.

But it can be done.

Then at the first sign of vibration,
you just throw the switch? Marvelous.

What if he does something
else? We can't risk it.

If you knuckle under
to this extortionist now...

do you think he'll stop at
a quarter million a week?

- He may demand anything.
- That's it, Robin.

Gentlemen, even
at the risk of seeing...

this entire neighborhood
collapse under your feet...

would you spend the rest
of your lives in the shadow...

living in subservience to
this rascally ruthless tyrant?

Go ahead, Batman...

we'll stand fast.

Good. I'll need your building
engineer and your entire electrical crew.

You have them, Batman.

We'll assemble here before 6
o'clock, with our board of governors.

More here than I expected.

Blind faith in the
Batman, I guess.

Well, the way I see it, if
Batman can't help us...

there's no hope anyhow.
Oh. Oh, there he is now.

- Everything's set.
- I think so.

- That the open line?
- That's it.

Good. This is Batman.
Are the switches ready?

- Ready, Batman.
- Good. Standby.

- We made it.
- And in the nick of time.

Light the candles.

- Do you think he might change his mind?
- No chance.

Time.

- Throw the switches.
- Right.

Wait. What's that?
Look at the chandelier.

- Turn it off.
- I can't. He's broadcasting.

Here he is.

Do I have you attention?

Batman, your world will
tumble down, Just wait and see

Your city will disintegrate,
It matters not to me

Batman's and Robin's strength
Will not avail no matter what they do

They're bound to fail

They can't evade my sonic beam

And they'll become a vapor trail

Which should be evident to
the most obtuse by now, I think.

However, there's still time
to change your minds...

though not much.

If you wish my protection,
simply say so, I'll get the word.

But I'm warning
you, do not delay.

- He's got us.
- Batman has obviously failed.

- We've got to do it.
- All right. We give up.

You've got a deal, Minstrel.

Well, at least
we're still alive...

in spite of this devious devil.

But for what? To knuckle under
to the scoundrel all our lives?

Fortunately, that
won't be necessary.

- What?
- That is correct.

For, as it happens, gentlemen...

we have located Minstrel.

- Just a minute.
- That's the Minstrel?

That nice looking young man?

But how can he be here in this
room and on TV at the same time?

- It was a prerecording.
- This is ridiculous.

- We knew he'd be here.
- To signal a cutoff.

Why destroy a 10
million dollar building...

belonging to people
he wanted money from?

We went through with
it so he would suspect...

But I'm not the Minstrel.

All right, Batman.
You asked for it.

Bass, Treble.
All the rest of you.

It won't work, Minstrel.

We're wearing our Particle
Bat Accelerator units.

To create an anti-charge
and deflect your static bolts.

So there's no way out, Minstrel.

All right, Chief O'Hara.
You can take him away.

And this time, Minstrel,
no song, please.

I don't think you'd be doing any
singing in public for a long, long time.

Come along, you.

Good evening.
Late this evening...

that melodic master of crime...

who, earlier, came within a tremble
of subjugating all of Gotham City...

is now on his way
to the city jail...

thanks, once again,
to our savior Batman.

You may be interested to
know that bail has been denied.

However, before
he is incarcerated...

we have been granted
this exclusive interview.

Oh, look.

They've arrested
that charming man.

Tell me, Minstrel Man.

Due to the fact that you have
been defeated by the Dynamic Duo...

despite your
electronic genius...

do you have any plans
in your future for crime?

Why, yes. As a
matter of fact, I have.

Wait till the jail break Batman

You've not seen the last of me

I'll clobber you and Robin

Wait and see

You'll vibrate both together

I'll shake off your heads

Oh, just you wait Till
the jail break Batman

You'll be dead

Uh... Thank you very
much, Mr. Minstrel Man.

And ladies and gentlemen, that
concludes our program for tonight.

Take him out. Now.

Surely a man with such
a voice can't be all bad.

Perhaps he can learn to make an
honest living when he comes out of prison.

If only someone would help.

Commissioner Gordon is
a friend of yours, isn't he?

Why, yes, he is,
Aunt Harriet. In a way.

And even though Minstrel might
sneer at such a suggestion...

I will bring it
to his attention.

Who knows? It just might work.