Baskets (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Episode #4.1 - full transcript

Y'all come down

to the Baskets Family Rodeo.

If we all stay in our own lanes
as business partners,

We can get somewhere.

You're stealing
Christine's treadmill?

- It's called collateral.
- You're not a French clown.

Be proud 'cause
you're a Bakersfield clown.

- Propose what?
- Marriage.

To your mom.

I just want to tell you,
you have my blessing.


Well, somebody around here
has to get married.

Ten. Nine. Eight.

- Hello?
- Chips!

- Hey, Penelope.
- Happy New Year!

- Five. Four.
- Christine?

- I want to ask you something.
- Three. Two.

- What?
- One.

Happy New Year!

Chip, I'm coming
to L.A. to record an album.

Wow. Los Angeles. That's, uh...

I mean, it's not as inspiring
as Paris, but congratulations.

Thank you.

So, Chip, what do you think?

Should I rent a car
while I'm in Los Angeles or...?


- Chip!
- Hold on. What's that?

Should I rent a car
when I'm in Los Angeles?

A car... Um...

Uh, well are you...?

Um... You know, uh, a car...

Well, you're-you're gonna be
recording all day, right?

Sort of.

Uh... no. Okay, here.
Um... no.

You don't... you don't...
you don't need a car.

Plus, most of the drivers
in Los Angeles

are stoned out of their minds.

- I-I don't drive.
- I know.

Well, maybe
Martha can be my chauffeur?

- Chip!
- I'll be right down! I promise you!

Martha never leaves Bakersfield.
She's-she's a townie.

- Chip!
- Hold on!

- Your mother's engaged!
- Hey, hey, hey.

can-can I call you later?


Say good-bye to your house.

♪ We are going out of here... ♪

Oh, God, turn that off.

Hey, Mom, we're leaving!

See you there!

Come on, Ronnie.
Time to go.

Get in here.

We're going to the new house.
It's not far.

The smell should be about
the same, except for Ken's musk.


See you, house.

So much smaller when it's empty.

Breaker, breaker.

Anybody copy?

Oh, God, it's not a good time
for the walkie!

we got some human trash here

trying to steal your treadmill.

Copy that. And 10-4. Over.


I should have figured
it was you, Chip.

Since when did you become...

Since when did you become
Mama's little errand boy?

Ever since you decided
to retire from the rodeo.

- What... what is going on?!
- Retire...

It's a sabbatical!
You can have the treadmill.


Okay, straighten it out.

Straight back now.

Yup. Come on.

God. Is this Sherwin-Williams?

I don't think so.

Is this the color I picked
or the primer?

No, it's the color.

I couldn't have picked this.

What, you don't like it?

Want to do something different?

This can't be Casa Blanca,
can it?

Hold up a sec, guys.

Looks more like canary.

Oh, I hate birds.

Honey, it's only paint.

Let's just paint it again.

- You're right.
- Hold on. Susan, it's fine, honey. Relax.

Uh, Christine, let me call you back.

- Uh, Susan hates this travel stuff.
- Okay.

Yeah, I'll call you when I get
settled in at the hotel.

- Love you.
- I love you, too.

Here you go, Jeff.

Thank you, Scooty.

Here you go, Hank.

Thanks so much, Nick.

Thank you, Dean.

Here you go, Junior.

Here you go, Steph.

Thanks so much.

Thanks for your help!
We'll see you next season!

Okay, you ready
for this meeting, guys?

- Is your mom coming?
- No, she's doing wedding stuff.

I don't think she's coming.

Oh, good. My butt's gone
to sleep in this chair.

That's fine. Yeah, that's fine.

So, listen,
now that it's the off-season,

I think we need to find

new ways to generate some income
for the rodeo.

- Okay.
- Any ideas?

- Nope.
- Okay.

Here's what I've got.

Since we have
this wonderful venue, the rodeo,

what if we attract
circus groups?

Or-or-or traveling troupes
of-of jugglers

and jesters, and we attract
clowns from

all parts of the world,
and maybe Bakersfield bec...

can become a mecca
r-for-for.... for clowning?

What do you think?

Well, I don't know so much
about that...

buffoon clownery
and all that fannagarall,

but the Boot Fair
and Belt Festival...

They always rent the place.

Okay, yeah.

Well, that makes sense, I guess.

They pay good,
and they're dependable.

A thousand dollars a weekend.

We sell our own...
sell popcorn...


In the dining room, honey.

I'm up to my eyeballs
in wedding rigmarole.

Oh, my God, these invitations...
They're so...

Oh, terrible calligraphy.

- Oh.
- Rodeo's pretty quiet.

Everything's taken
care of. Not much going on.

What do you mean
"not much going on"?

You got to get something going.
That's a business.

- Yeah, I know. Uh...
- Okay.

I had a business-type
meeting thing today.

And looks like we're gonna

rent the rodeo out to the, uh,
Boot Fair and the Belt Expo.

Boots and Belts.

- I love it!
- Yeah.

You deserve a cookie.

Double stuffed.

- Your favorite, aren't they?
- Um... no, no.

- Not really?
- No, but, uh, mm.

Oh, I'm gonna have one, too.

You know,
you don't think you want to eat

- a hundred Oreos, but you can.
- No.

Oh, honey, you're gonna have
to sleep in the gift wrap room

because your room's full
of tarps.

That's fine.

And I need a color
for your room.

- Have you decided yet?
- No.

How about San Clemente Teal?

I like beige.

That's not a color, honey.

- Chip!
- Hey.

Listen, I've been rethinking

about what I told you
about renting a car.

- Chip, I arrive tomorrow.
- Oh, good.

Good. So I caught you
just in time. Uh...

I'm worried
that you're under the assumption

that there's some kind
of European train

that links up to the airport,
and that's not the case.

- I'll come get you.
- No, no, no.

- Don't. It's too much hassle.
- No.

It'd be good. I'll just pick you
up, we could have a chit-chat.

I could maybe take you
to an American drive-thru.

Okay, sure.

- How much do you charge?
- Well, it's free.

I'm.... Uh, uh, I'm your friend.

Oh, Chippu,
nothing in life is free.

Yeah, you're right about that.

Okay, listen.

I arrive at 7:00 in Los Angeles,
but I'll text you

from my layover
in Chicago, okay?

- Okay. Yeah, that... that would be...
- Okay.

- Bye. Thank you.
- Yeah, ciao.



I need to pick someone up
at the airport tonight.

Can I borrow your car?

Sorry, Chip.
I'd let you use my car,

but I've got to drive my mom
around for a few days.

She just had cataract surgery.

Are we there yet?

Hey, Ms. Brooks.
She looks like Roy Orbison.

You know, Chip, Costco Insurance

has partnerships with car rental
places all over town.

I could give you
a 20% off coupon.

You're authorized to do that?

Well, try dropping my name.

They might really hook you up.

Hook me up? To what?

No. Mom, I was talking to Chip.

Chip? Who's Chip?

Okay, thanks so much.

- Bye, Ms. Brooks.
- Bye.

Good luck with the welding classes.

What did he say?

Um, he thinks that you're going
to a welding class.

All right, so with your coupon

and the mention of
Martha Brooks, that'll be $129.

I thought it'd be around...

Well, I thought
it'd be around free.

Nothing in life is free.

You need to pay for insurance.

Yeah, I don't...
It's just a half a day.

I don't need this stuff.

Well, let's say
you get in an accident.

Now, you don't want
collection agents

knocking on your door,
trying to get your money, okay?

So, what you want to do is get
this full coverage,

and that way,
it'll cover everything,

and you can just walk away.

Just walk away, huh?

What state is the car in now?

Well, the car won't go
in reverse... or drive,

but the airbag works very well.

Okay. How are you doing now?

Um, listen, I'm fine,
but I'm in a big rush, okay?

I just walked away,
like you said.

Well, I did say that, but...

All right, Regina, I'm... I'm in
a rush. Thank you so much.



My name is Susan.
I'm very happy to be here.

What is your name?

I'm Ronald Reagan.

- Just call me "Ronnie."
- Oh.

Oh, I love your face.
It's so unusual.

I'm from Colorado,

and I've never lived
with another cat before.

Well, you'll be fine here
because my mom loves cats.

Doesn't she? I'm gonna get... Oh!

-Hey, Mom.

I need to borrow a car.
Do you have the keys?

- What? My car keys?
- Yeah.


What happened to your face?

No, I-I'm fine, Mom.
Hi, Ken. How are you?

- Hey, Chip.
- Welcome to town.

- Hey, glad to be here.
- Nice to see you.

- Mm-hmm.
- What kind of shenanigans...?

Hey, Ken,
do you have a...? Uh...

He's always doing
these kind of things.

Hey, Ken, do you have car
I can borrow?

I don't think he's fit to drive.

It's always
something with him...

- Money, car, keys.
- Mom,

a friend is relying on me.
Can I borrow your car?

- No.
- Why?

Well, at least let me put
some Mercurochrome on this.

- What?
- Or a salve.

- I don't want your salves on my face.
- Oh...

Well, you're gonna get
an infection, and then what?

- He-he does have obligations.
- What?

Well, why don't you take him
then, Ken? Ken will take you.

I can do it myself, Mom.
It's fine. I can...

Go ahead, Ken.

Welcome to the family.

I'll take care of the cats.

I don't have gas money.


Didn't know we was going this far.

Might have to get some gas.

I should've driven.
It's just to help out a friend.

Well, is this a friend
or a "friend"?

I don't really know.

Friend. Yeah, friend.

Have you thought about what color
you want to paint your room?

I like plaid,
or is that more of an attitude?

Yeah, that could be
a little tricky.

You know, sometimes you put
a color like that on the wall,

and you step back and look at it
and go, "Wow, that's no good."

Or sometimes you love it,

and two years later,
it's out of style.

How long are you planning
on staying with us, Chip?

Uh, I don't know.
I guess until I die?

Oh, God.



Stop it, you two!

What are you do...? Oh!





Bad kitty.

There-there she is.


Oh... Chip.

- How are you?
- How are you?

- Nice to see you.
- Oh, so nice to see you, too.

- Have you been well?
- Oh, it's...

Colorado plates, move it along.

- Come on, you two!
- Oh.

- Let me help you with this stuff.
- Who is this?

Oh, that's, uh,
my mom's boyfriend.

Your... your mom's boyfriend?

- Yeah, that's... that's Ken.
- Oh.

He's having sex with my mom.

Wow, Hollywood.
Look... Madame Tussauds.


So, you know, uh,
Chip and I were married

before his mother sent me away?

No, Chip never told me
you guys were married.

- Yeah.
- You never told him?


And Christine sent you away?

She did, yes.

Because we had an arrangement,
you know?

I needed a green card,

uh, Chip needed someone to love.

But, uh, Christine didn't think

it was a good idea, so...

she called my father, and...

- Hmm. Oh, I see.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Mm, yes.

Is she still
destroying your life?


she-she's got...

She's better.
Bit better.

That's a "yes."

Hey, Ken,
so you moved to Bakerfield

to marry a Basket just like me.


I hope you're more luckier
than me, though.

Yeah, well, I hope so.


It was good, though, really.
It was good in the end.

After all,
I went back to France,

and I dealt
with my father, and...

It's, uh, different status...

Ho-Hold on.
Ho-Hold on, Penelope.

Let me take this call.

Hey, Chrissy.

Hey, the cats got
in a big fight.

I just wanted to let you know.

Oh, no. Is Susan okay?

Yeah, I... I think she is.

- Chip?
- Yes.

Did you decide
on the paint for your room?

Is it gonna be Bluebird Breeze
or Blue Boy Balloon?

Oh, I was...

Hello, Mama Baskets!

It's me, Penelope.

Ken... take me off speaker.

Okay, sweetie.
Talk to you later.



Didn't you say she got better?

She just doesn't... She...

She doesn't like
to be on speakerphone.

- Hey, staying with us? Okay.
- Uh, she is.

- Yeah, let me take that. No.
- Oh, I got it.

You know, it's what we do.
I can just...

I can just take it.
No. Can I help you take that?

I was just gonna...
just take it up to her room...

Whoa, careful, careful.
Aah! My finger. Ow.

- Thanks. I'll get this.
- Oh, yeah.

Uh, she flew in?

Yeah, she had a long flight.

Hey, Uber guy, can you pull out
of here, please?

He's, uh...
he's actually with me.

He's, uh, my, uh. He's my...

Hey, do you want me
to call you step-dad or dad?

- How do...?
- No, call me "Dad."

- Yeah, that's my dad.
- Oh. So, I'm sorry about that.

- Thank you.
- Oh, yeah, I'll-I'll take that.


thank you so much.

It was so nice to see you.




Hey, Pene... Penelope?

- Penelope?
- Yeah?

Did you want to maybe, uh,
grab a bite to eat tonight?


Remember that place in Paris
we used to go to go?

- That looked like a...
- No. I'm sorry. I'm so tired.

I just had a long flight,
you know?

It's just
that I'm in Los Angeles,

and it's kind of neat for me.

I'm stuck in Bakersfield.

I thought maybe...

Ah, right.

You're stuck with your mother.

You need to get away,

I think, hmm?


- I'm sorry. I have to go.
- Penelope?

Good luck.

That you?

Hey! Hey!

Come on in. The water's fine.

Welcome to your future.



Sorry, Chip.
I was worried about my cat.


And if you like animals,

- you should watch our video log
- KEN: Christine?

- Special tonight starring...
- In here.

Hi, boys.

- Where's Susan?
- Oh.

She ran in the,
uh, gift wrap room,

and Ronnie... I don't know where
he ran, but...

They're just not connecting yet.
It's gonna take time.

Oh, poor Susan.
She must be so scared.

Well, Ronnie's scared.

- Chip, how are you?
- I'm fine, Mom, thank you.

You know what?
She knows my scent.

I think I'll go sleep
in the gift wrap room with her,

- keep her company.
- Ken...

Just throw an old shirt
in there.

Now I'm gonna be all alone.

Where are you gonna sleep,

Uh, just... This is....

We made some of our
most popular video logs...

- I'm tired.
- Yeah.

You know, your dad always liked
to sleep in a chair.

Starting with
the smallest pets we ever met.

Oh, Chri... Oh...

Christine? Oh.

Hey. Hello from down the hall.

You know,

I'm kind of used to talking
to you on the screen like this.

I just wanted to say

I know how hard it must be
for you and Susan.

I'm a cat person, you know, so,

I really realize
what you're going through.

I just wanted
to say I... I understand.

Thank you, baby.
I want you to know

that both Susan and I are
very happy to be here.

Aren't we, baby? See?

Well, you tell Susan
that I had a talk

with Ronald Reagan,
and he's over it.

And he's gonna allow
a Democratic cat in the house.

- You registered the cat as a Democrat?
- Yes.

And thank you so much
for being nice to Chip.

- Yeah.
- You know, I think

he's struggling
with this move, too.

- Chip's a sensitive kid.
- Yeah.

Oh, speak of the devil.

- Hey, Chip.
- Hey, Mom.

Hey, Ken, I got to go.
Good night, honey.

I'll see you in the morning.

Good night. I love y...

Chip, what are you doing?

- Did you wake up?
- Hey, Mom.

Yeah, do you have a sleeping bag
in any of the box?

I'm chilly downstairs.

I did, but you know,

I kind of zone out
when I'm packing.

Come on in here.

- You know what you need?
- What?

You need a hug
from your mother who loves you.

- I'm good.
- Get in here

and cuddle with me a little bit.
I miss that.

Mom, I'm fine.

This is a California King.

No, thank you.

Come on.


You know, Ken's here now,
and it's hard for us to adjust.

You know I'm not trying
to replace you, honey.

You're such a good boy.
I just love you.

Have you, uh,

thought about a color

of paint for your room?

Mom, I... I was...

I've kind of been thinking

that maybe I'm gonna move out,

so, I...

- Uncle Chip!
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Welcome, man.


- Come in, come in.
- Hi.

Come in, man.
This is the palace.

Thank you guys so much
for letting me stay here.

- I appreciate it.
- Of course, man.

He's supposed
to sleep with us for, like,

- a year or whatever, so...
- Yeah, so you can

stay in his room till
he's, like, one or even longer.

Yeah. Do you want to hold him?

I'm fine.

- He wants you to hold him.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, get him.

Here you go, Uncle Chippy.
Get me!

- Oh. Oh.
- Oh...

- Yes.
- It's okay.



- Look at that. Natural.
- Yes.

Uncle Chippy.

What's its name?

Well, we never would've met

if it wasn't for you,
so we named him...

- Chip. We named him Chip.
- Chip.

Named him Chip, like your name.

Chip. Yes! Welcome
to the family, Uncle Chip.

You're in.

Hi, Chip.