Baskets (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Finding Eddie - full transcript

Christine eats a carrot.

Guess what. Baskets
Family Rodeo now owns three

beautiful stallions.

- Dale, come on, Dale!
- Give the horse space!

Give the horse space!

They're crazy, man! They're crazy!

You got swindled, Dale.

Okay. Yeah, I got swindled. From who?!

Jim Jack Mahoney.

Jim Jack Mahoney?

JJM ain't no good. He can't be trusted.

- We've got to fix this.
- This is your fault!

I don't find that funny.

Okay. Now here we go.

- Quiet, cowboys.
- All right, welcome

to the rodeo meeting.

First off, bathrooms.

Yeah, somebody graffitied
the bathroom to say "Dale-do."

I know what that is. I
know what a Dale-do is.

That's a play on words with my name,

- and I do not appreciate it.
- Yes, don't do it.

- Don't sexualize my name, please.
- Don't do it.

Now, how are we gonna
fix those crazy horses?

Lady, we don't break horses. We ride 'em.


Well, what's the difference?

- What the hell, man?!
- Chip, what's the deal?

Okay, guys, listen, hear her out.

Mom's cool. This is her
first rodeo. Go ahead, Mom.

Oh, thank you, Chip. You're cool, too.

Okay, now,

a round of compliments and resentments.

I can't cash this paycheck

on account I ain't got no bank account.

Now our last boss, Eddie... well,

he paid me off in a little
hooch and a little coochie.

What the hell, man?

Yeah, Eddie set up a direct deposit for me.

- Where is he anyway?
- Who's this Eddie?

- Um... -
- Our boss... he was the best.

Okay, I have an announcement
to make. Eddie is dead.

- What?!
- Well, that is what

we should assume because this
is the Baskets Family Rodeo,

not the Eddie Family Rodeo.

- That's right.
- Oh, hell, no, uh-uh!

I'm out of here. I'm gonna
go home and iron my socks.

Hey, now, we're not
finished with this meeting!

- Baskets. What a joke.
- Hello. Hey. Hey.

That was a good meeting. You know?

But, Mom, we don't know what
we're doing with this rodeo.

Let me get Eddie back.

Oh, I wanted this to be
a family thing, our thing.

I know that, but you got to
listen, I need to go find Eddie.

I'll bring him here.

He can break these horses
in no time, all right?

I just need to find him. Please?

Okay, go. Get him.

Yeah, I love ponds.

What's the leech situation like out there?

Uh-huh. Right. Um,

hey, Craig, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna have to let you go.

My friend is staring at me.

- Hey, Chip.
- Hey, Martha.

I need you to drive me
around so I can find Eddie.

Sure. Where was he last seen?

You can just leave work like that?

Yeah. Today's my day off.

I just came in to make long distance calls.

- Oh. You know people out of state?
- Yeah.

Mom, you're gonna want to hear this.

I'm getting ready to call
that Jim Jack Mahoney,

the guy that sold us
those horseshit horses,

and give him a piece of my mind,
and read him the riot act.

Well, I think Chip is gonna
get someone to break the horses.

Chip's supposed to be getting clowns, Mom.

Have you seen any bozo types,

besides Chip himself, around here?

I wouldn't count on it.

Well, okay, honey. Do what you want.

Use my phone if you
want. I got a brand-new...

Look at this. Do you love it?

- It's hands-free.
- Okay, look at this.

I don't know the name of it,
but it's very comfortable.

Never trust anyone

with three names.

James Earl Ray.

John Wilkes Booth.

This is Jim Jack.

Yes. Is this Jim Jack Mahoney?

Yes, this is Dale Everett Baskets

calling from Baskets Family Rodeo.

Yeah, I want to let you
know that you're messing

with the wrong family

when you sold us those shit horses.


David Lee Roth.

Well, I mean, I hear what
you're saying, but I...

Mm-hmm, I understand.

Thank you so much. It's
been a real pleasure.

Okay. You, too. Bye-bye.

Well, why don't you just
talk to him face-to-face?

Do you want me to go with you, honey?


Hey, what can I get you this fine morning?

We'd like to get some information.

Um, we're looking for a man named Eddie.

He's kind of a mumbly-mouthed
guy, um, about this tall.

Never makes any sense.

Nah, I don't know him.

That's... odd.

Eddie's always talking about this place.

I don't know why the
bartender doesn't know him.

I think he does.

On Law & Order,

bartenders are always
being evasive for no reason.



- Me? Her?
- Is he...?

The lady.

All right. I think this might be a lead.

It's not a catcall.

Yeah, I know Eddie.

Used to come here all the time.

- I hear he's back in AA.
- Okay.

Wait. Aren't you supposed
to keep that a secret?

I'm not in it. I can say what I please.

Okay. Uh, fair enough.

Could I compensate you
for that information?

I've got a couple of fives

and... some Certs.

I was out with co-workers,

grabbing a couple beers after work.

Thought I could handle it.

Woke up the next morning with
a quesadilla sitting on a plate

in my bed that I do not remember making.

I could have burned the house down.

Eddie would have loved that
story. He loves quesadillas.


- Somebody must know something.
- What are you doing?

- Don't talk.
- Hi. Okay.

Guys? Hi. Um, yeah. Hi. I'm Martha.

I'm not an alcoholic, I'm pretty sure.

Um, I get a headache after two drinks.

Although I always have
the two, so who knows?

But, anyway, um, I'm here

because our friend Eddie is missing,

and he used to come to this meeting,

so if any of you have
seen Eddie from the rodeo,

could you please, after the meeting, come

and see me, Martha B, or, um,

Chip Baskets, or Chip B.

Um, the "B" stands for something else.


- Hi.
- Hi.

Um, I know Eddie.

Oh, you do? That's great. That's great.

Yeah. Last I heard, he told me that

he was staying with a rich
lady about an hour east of town.

Wow. Results.


Oh. You have such a nice smile.

- Thanks.
- Yeah. So, um,

out by the lake, there's
that mansion up on the hill

- that looks kind of like a castle?
- Okay.

Yeah, I think I do know that area.

My boyfriend works out there.



You could have mentioned
that in your share.

Thank you for the information.

Why did you lie and tell
that guy you had a boyfriend?

He was hitting on you.

I know. I wasn't lying.
I do have a boyfriend.

I have two, actually.

I'm not one of 'em, right?


He's a shepherd from the Basque region?

In-in Bakersfield?

Yeah, there's a big Basque community here,

and I met him outside the feed store.

So I asked him out for
coffee, and we're gonna go out

when he gets back in
town to shear his flock.

So you... so you
don't have a boyfriend?

Well, I mean, it's in the early stages,

but the signals I'm getting
from him are pretty strong.

- What is he, a Wi-Fi spot?
- Well,

how do you know when you like somebody?

Don't you just get a feeling?

Sometimes it feels like excitement, um,

mostly panic.

And that's kind of the
problem with this shepherd.

He's very beautiful, and I
don't trust that in a person.

So I'm kind of leaning more

towards the cross-country
trucker I met on my CB radio.

You have a CB radio?

Yeah, it's an heirloom.

And you just talk to truckers

that are passing through town on your CB?

Well, it's just... Now it's just one.

Maybe I like him 'cause
it's not a challenge.

I don't even have to wear
makeup when we hang out.

I just lie on the bed, and
he sings to me over the radio.

I don't want to hear about
your sex life, Martha.

Really? 'Cause it kind
of seems like you do.

Oh! Ken,
it's such a beautiful gift!

Bluetooth, huh?

Well, I knew how much you
liked mine, and I figured

if there's anybody that
needs to be hands-free

and on the move, it's you.

Oh, you got that right.

It never stops around here.

Now, all you have to do is
touch it, and it'll answer.

- Okay?
- Okay, I think I got it now.

- Okay, call me back.
- All right.

All right, now I'm gonna hang up now.

Okay. See you in a sec.

Uh, hello.

Oh, hello.

The door was open, and I, uh...

But I'm Daniel Kwon.

I'm your neighbor from Awaken?

- We're that church next door.
- Oh.

Awaken. I've seen your sign! I love it!

I'm Christine Baskets.

- Oh.
- Ow! God!

So loud. Technology.

Well, uh, here.

This is on behalf of the
entire Awaken congregation.

Oh, you know, I've been
thinking about going Paleo.

Oh, God, what a carrot, huh?

What's up, Doc?

You know the cartoon?

Oh. Bugs Bunny.

- Yeah.
- Yes. Yes, it's-it's wonderful.

- Just wonderful.
- Yes, I love Bugs.

These are good. This is quite a carrot.

It's just, um, those are meant
to be for horses, but I mean,

- however you want to...
- Oh, no. I knew that. I knew that.

Oh. I should...

Oh. Hey, uh, you should get that.

But, uh, you come visit
us at Awaken any time.

- All right? Any time.
- Okay.

Hi, Ken. Sorry. I got a carrot delivery.

Can you believe it?

So what's the plan when we get there?

There's no plan. We're
gonna knock on the door

and take Eddie to fix
the horses. That's it.

Well, what if he's in love?

You know, you should be
prepared to have an argument

that'll convince him how much you need him.

Well, maybe I'll just sing
him a song over a CB radio.

It's very funny, Chip.

You know, I guess you
just don't understand.

I'm trying to connect with people,

and I really put myself
out there on the airwaves.

Martha, this whole car ride,

you have been telling
me about your boyfriends

that you've never even met.

I was married.

Are you talking about that French lady

who didn't live with you or talk to you,

with the brown hair?

Yeah, at least I know
that she exists, you know?

God, okay, okay, sorry.

I'm sorry. I-I... I lost my temper.

- I'm sorry.
- No. Look. We're here.

What a nice, dumpy castle.

I think that crow is yelling at us.

What's he saying?

Sorry, we don't have any seeds.

Keep your mouth shut!

Who's there?

Yes, hi, uh,

we were told that, uh, that
someone named Eddie is here.

We're looking for Eddie.

Did you say you're friends of Eddie's?

- Y-Yes, ma'am.
- Hmm.

Oh, come on in.

Go ahead. Go.

I'm Dottie.

I don't remember him

mentioning anything about
friends, but, you know...

Well, we're... we're kind
of more of his colleagues.

This is Eddie.

He's been riding for our family for years.

We call him Stretch,

one of the best dressage riders

- in California.
- Wow.

I'm sure he told you about it.

Oh, yeah, I mean, uh, well,
Martha doesn't know anything,

but I-I know that
Eddie's good with horses.

Uh, that's actually why I'm here.

My family's rodeo is
having some horse issues,

and I was hoping that I
could take Eddie with me

to help out at my family's rodeo.

Now, let's see if we can find him.

- Let's go take a look.
- Okay.



Where are you?

I bet you're out by the well, huh?



She's been gone a while, Martha.

I know. It's kind of weird.

Why is that guy still yelling at us?

Ah, I got you.

- Down, down.
- Oh.

Ah, they've been eating my figs.

I guess that crow's not gonna
be yelling at us anymore.

Well, I-I don't know what happened.

We looked everywhere. I
don't know where he is.

I... all I know is I'm sure

he's around here somewhere.

That's me.

Little Dot from the Hires Root Beer ad.

Wow, you were a child actor?


Just a rich kid.

Hires is my family's company.


Would you like some wine?

- Yes, very much.
- Oh, boy, I'll be right back.

I want some wine, too.

I like wine.

Did she lock that?

Eddie's not here.

Yeah, I gathered that, Chip.

She probably turned that on, right?

She probably does that for all
of her ghosts... guests, guests.

Okay, I'm sorry for losing
my cool, but I'm freaking out.

Well, looks like we're stuck here now.

And the only person that
knows that we're here

is that guy from the AA
meeting that you rebuffed.

Thanks for nothing.

That was a time you
could've used your body,

you know, for detective work.

Oh, cool... wait, we're
gonna be detectives?

It's like a voice in my head.
It's like you're right there

and my hands are free.

Oh, what a great invention, the Bluetooth.

Now, listen, Ken,

I'm going to,

uh, try and feed these nutty horses.

- All right.
- All right?

So if anything happens or if you hear a...

whatever it is, I'm telling you,

call Bakersfield 911.

I'm telling you... no, I'm just kidding.

Well, I'm a little nervous.

Okay. I think
this one's name is Kitty.

Hey, Kitty.


Aah, aah, they're crazy!

- Are you okay?
- Oh, God, he tried to kill me.

Yup, I can't pick this kind of lock.

If worse comes to worse,

we can eat some of that
popcorn from the Dust Bowl.

Chip, here's the thing: we
don't have any reception,

we can't get out of this room,

and in about ten minutes
I'm gonna start screaming

and I won't be able to stop.

Well, what about your reception?

You know, with those signals
that you were talking about?

Well, um, I think there's
a really good chance

she's got other people locked up

in other rooms of this house.

Maybe some hitchhikers

or a kid trying to sell
magazines door-to-door.

Howdy, kids.

Jesus. Eddie, hey.

- How are you?
- Been a while.

Listen, you got to get us out of here.

This old lady's crazy.


Dottie's just a happy bundle of fun.

She's just afraid you're
gonna take me away from her.

Isn't that right, Dottie?


Hi, Dottie.

I'm afraid our friends from the city

are going to be disappointed.

How about you and I
just show 'em a good time

and send them on their way?

Absolutely, partner, I'm all for it.

Let's do it.

- Go.
- I'll get the fondue set.

Thank you for another
delicious dinner, dear.

Ah, to my prince in a white castle.

I would love for you to come and help us

with these horses, please.

Well, this old lady here,
she's been awful good to me.

Remember Betty Boop?

And this, uh, mansion
living, it's kind of fun.

- I like it.
- Yeah.

I expect maybe I could
fix your horses, though.

- Okay.
- Leaving?

Are you leaving me, Stretch?

Oh, Dottie, no.

I'm not leaving you.

Why, this is my home.

This is where I grew up.

Grew from a boy breaking horses

into a man breaking hearts.

Oh, Stretch. What would I do without you?


Dottie, I think I hear your boys outside.

- Oh, shit!
- Open this door.

Her kids are crazy.

They think I'm stealing from her.

Coming over here to kill
us both and claim I did it.

Okay, look, Eddie, if you
need me to help you fight them,

- I-I-I will, but I-I don't...
- Oh, God, no, they're huge.

And besides, I don't even know this woman.

Wait, what?

What, do you think that
was me in them pictures?

Don't be stupid.

I was a cook in Korea.

You're Korean?

No, he's saying that he's been
impersonating a stable boy.

- Leave us alone.
- You've been impersonating her...

her stable boy?

- What the hell are you doing?
- Got to go.

- Go, go.
- Oh, God.

Wait, where are we, where are we going?

Stretch! You're not leaving me, are you?

Dottie, you're the best. I got to go.

Oh, Stretch, oh!

I knew I wouldn't
have long there.

They'd either call the cops on me or

have her committed.

I figured we may as well have

as good a time as we had while we could.

I love a feel-good story about, you know,

senile women and squatting.

You want to be in the
rodeo business, Baskets?

There's one thing you got to know first.

Don't do business with Jim Jack Mahoney.

That's good advice. Martha,
you should write this down.

- Oh.
- You have a pen in here?


Well, I hope this isn't a bathroom break.

I was hoping to get a
frappuccino at the same time.

Well, there's an outdoor
couch you can urinate on.

Chip, he's pulling a gun out of his pants.

I see that, Martha.

Well, I tell you this, pal, I'm
not gonna leave empty-handed.

I'm not gonna take one of your
used toothbrushes or anything.

I'm gonna take something of value.

Well, all sales are final.

Hello, Eddie.

Jim Jack.

May I make a request?

We leave the flat screen out of this.

It smells like urine in here already.

Do you pee in this car?

Now we're even, Jim Jack Mahoney!

Mother trucker!

Chip, did you see that?

What, Dale?

No, it was... I think that's a smart TV.

All right, Jim Jack Mahoney feels bad

about that string of shithead horses now

'cause I shot his home all up.

I'll see you folks back at the rodeo.

Okay. Thanks, Eddie.

I can't believe we
made it out there alive.

I thought I was gonna meet my maker.

And I'm stronger for it.

Just wish I had had some
of that popcorn, you know?

Man, the air sure is clear out here.

What are you doing?

What, you got to pee alfresco or something?

No. See that hill over there?

- Yeah.
- That shepherd I told you about,

he works in the field right over the hill.


- No, this is dumb.
- What?

You want to talk to him?

- Go talk to him.
- No. No, you were right.

He's not my boyfriend.

He probably doesn't even remember me.


...look, I'm wrong.


You should listen to your signals.

I'm not good at picking up on those things.

You're good at it.

And, by the way,

you're very memorable, very.

- Really?
- Yeah, you have a green cast.

I mean, people remember that kind of stuff.

Plus you have a...

you have a sweetness to you.

- Well... okay.
- Go.

- Thanks, Chip. All right.
- Go live your life.

I will give it a shot.

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