Baskets (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Ronald Reagan Library - full transcript

Chip laments Ronald Reagan giving up his acting career for a desk job.

sync & corrections by
siamond1976
- opensubtitles.org

- BASKETS -

It ain't easy living this life, man.

But hell if it don't have
it's moments, right?

Cherish this shit!

Cher...

Chip.

Chip. Chip.

Chip. What are you dreaming about?

Who cares.

Anyway, I got you this.



Take it.

What, did you steal a phone
from a second grader?

It was the cheapest one they had.

I don't need a cell phone, Mom.

Well, this is not up for debate.

I want you to have a cell phone.

Need you to keep in touch with me.

I need you to be the kid

I don't have to bail out of jail anymore.

The guy who calls and says,
"Hey, Mom, I'm doing good."

Now, listen, this
is a big chance for you

to turn your whole life around.

We are now gonna be
on an upward "trajecdity",

to just, fly, spread your wings.



But no texting 'cause
they're 35 cents each.

That's outrageous.

You know, we gotta get out of this room.

We have six hours until the hearing.

Let's get the hell out of here.

We could see, maybe, a waste plant.

Who knows what they have going on here.

It's all fascinating to me.

I'm gonna plan something for us,

and you're gonna get ready
and not mope around about it.

- Are you hungry?
- No.

The breakfast is free here.

Actually, get me some mini muffins.

Well, then, I'll bring my purse,

because I can fit a half
a buffet in this thing.

Now, get up, 'cause it's
Onward Christian soldiers

Marching as to war

With the cross of Jesus...

Morning.
Remember me?

Our kids got arrested together.

Yeah.

- Ken.
- Christine Baskets.

Christin Baskets.

I guess we're staying
in the same hotel?

This is it.

Anyway, I see you're
sitting here by yourself,

mind some company for breakfast?

Yes, sit, sit, sit.
Fantastic.

I wanted to thank you for helping me

with that whole bail fiasco.

Listen, no worries, I know how it is.

I've been through all that myself.

And if you're concerned
about the sentencing,

usually what happens is that they get
a slap on the wrist,

and some sort of community service.

Thank God for overcrowding
at the prisons?

So where are you...
Where do you call home?

Denver, Colorado.

It's so high there.

Rocky Mountain high.

- I loved John Denver.
- I liked him, too.

- I don't like heights, though.
- Excuse me, Christine.

I'm gonna have to go upstairs...

And return this call.

So, maybe I will see you around,

maybe at the...At the hearing?

Yes, of course.
Yeah, that would be great.

Good luck with your phone call.

Thank you.

Ken.

Um, you know, my son and I

were thinking about gettin'
out of the hotel.

It's such a beautiful day and, um,

the Reagan Library is right
up the road and, I don't know,

would you like to join us?

You know, never mind, it's silly.

No, no, it's not that, it's just that...

Well, I'm more of a Carter man.

Ha! Are you kidding?

The peanut farmer?

Yes, the peanut farmer.

That's so crazy, Carter.

Iran-Contra. That was crazy.

That was a blip in an otherwise
spotless record as a president.

- You know what?
- What?

I've changed my mind.
I would love to go.

- Good.
- I mean, really,

the guy was a decent actor.

Very good actor.

Well, he was a decent actor

and I respect that part of him.

Well, in the lobby...

- Say I meet you in a half hour?
- Perfect.

- Sounds good to me.
- Thanks, Ken.

- I'll see you there.
- Okay.

Reaganite.

Carter farm... Peanut head.

- Hey, Cypher.
- Yo.

When they, gave me all my stuff back

when I got out of prison,
this was with it.

Whoa. Shit.

I know how much he loved this thing.

I didn't know him very well,

so I thought maybe you should have it.

No way, man.

Dead man's Pan flute.
Shit's creepy.

"Meet me in the parking lot.

"Reagan Library trip.
Love, Mom."

God.

Why doesn't Cypher have to go?

I think Darla would rather
just sit by the pool.

Presidents don't interest her.

Well, that's not fair.

Call Chip.

Mom. Just talk to me.

- I'm right behind you.
- I'm doing a test call.

You've already sent me a message.

We know it works.

I want to hear the clarity.

Just pick up.

- Hello.
- It's Mom.

- Yeah.
- God.

That's clear.

Man, those Samsungs,
they're pretty nice.

You wouldn't believe
the quality of that.

- Mother, please.
- Just say hello to him.

- Hi, Ken.
- Man.

- It is great!
- Isn't it?

Okay, I'm gonna hang up.

There it is.

The library.

Ron.

So I was 20, maybe 21,
he was governor back then.

And I got to meet him, I shook his hand.

It was humongous. I felt
so safe in his hands.

- Next.
- Three, please.

I got this.

- Are either of you members?
- No.

Would you be interested
in a family membership?

No, no, no.

Well, I wouldn't mind a VIP of some sort

where I don't have to stand in line.

- We have...
- You paid?

Yes, yes, you did all the driving.

- You didn't even ask for gas...
- This was my idea.

That's okay. I got this.

- Well, thank you very much.
- Let me take care of it.

- Thank you.
- We have a family membership if you...

No, no, no, we don't
want any memberships.

Chip, stay where I can see you.

You know, I worked on the campaign
when he was governor.

- Wow.
- Is there a discount for that?

- No, I'm sorry, we don't have that.
- You don't?

I'm shocked by that.

- Enjoy yourselves.
- Thank you.

Have a good day.

Years before he was president,

Ronald Reagan had a successful career

as an actor on the silver screen.

- In 1937...
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Very impressive?

Yes, sir, it's all...

It's all so fascinating.

Have you seen some of the...
President Regan's movies?

Seen one where he played "The Dipper."

"The Gipper."

Football hero at Notre Dame.

George Gip.

That's where he got the nickname Gip.

They called him "The Gipper."

I know that one.

He had a lot of other great movies, too.

Check 'em out.
You'll really like 'em.

They're all so good.

To think he threw it all away
for a boring office job.

Randy!

Randy!

Where's the rest of me?

Drake.

Randy!

There was an accident.

Hey, Morpheus. Morpheus.

Morphe... Morpheus, hold on.
Hold on, buddy.

I've been trying to catch you.
You dropped this.

Can you keep it?
I don't want it.

What?

I don't need it. I can't...
I can't play no flute here.

Hello. I'm a hitchhiker.

Not a male prostitute, FYI.

Residential Motorcade.

The Iron Curtain, I've always
wanted to go behind that.

What do you think of Ron now?

Well, I don't know.

You know, I'm getting
there, I'm getting there.

So during Ron's second term,
I got my second set of twins.

They're adopted.

They're my stars.

Lenin.

You know, he still lays
in a box over there...

In Leningrad.

People can go look at him.

I hope that never happens to me.

Hey, how many children do you have?

Well, I have,
one by my first wife, that's Darla,

and then two, Monica and Ivy, by my ex.

Two marriages. Ooh.

Well, who am I to judge?

Nancy was Ron's second.

My daughters and I run
a carpeting business together.

Carpets.

I love carpet.

What do you think this is?

...Polyester blend.

- Yeah?
- It's economical,

but with this kind of foot traffic,

you're gonna see substantial
smashing and matting

in less than five years.

But I'm telling you, you get
you a good multi-level loop...

It'll last you a long time.

In my opinion.

A mult... That's fascinating.
Multi-level loop.

You sound like a scientist.

What's this?

Hi. Would you like to take a photo?

- I don't know.
- Come on, it'll be fun.

- Come on. Come on.
- All right, all right, all right.

Ooh. Okay.

Ready?
And say Reagan.

Reagan.

Practically a photo shoot in here.

I love that. I just love this.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Can I show you anything in this case?

I'm just browsing.
Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Look who caught the Reagan bug.

No, no, no, now, I need
this cup for the hotel.

'Cause the cups in the hotel are paper,

and they're very flimsy.

So you're not gonna
change your affiliation?

Are you kiddin' me?

- Did you find something?
- Well, I thought

this might be nice for Chip,

but I can't remember his size,
he has such an odd shape,

so I thought I'd give him a call.

I'm a petite portly, Mom.

affiliation

come over to the gift
shop and try it on?

...yeah. I just... I don't...

I'm not sure where that is, so...

It's right behind the Iron Curtain,

and the motorcade.

- Okay, um, just, um...
- Where are you?

I'm walking around. I'm right now
I'm at the, monkey exhibit.

The monkey ex... The monkey exhibit?

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

We're here. Where are you, Chip?

Mom, I'm waving at you.

Waving at me.

Turn to your left.

Your other left.

Where are you?

Mom, my batteries are going low, okay?

I gotta get a couple more AAs.

God.

Okay, let's try this one again.

We've got a little Reaganite named Chip

lost in the museum somewhere.

He's wearing...

A button down and a beard.

Chip, would you please come
to the information desk right away,

- your mom is waiting for you.
- Let me have it.

Thank you, thank you, Marlena,

I'll take it from here.

Chip, pick up the phone,
it's your mother.

Please. We're gonna miss
the sentencing hearing.

He's gonna go back to prison.

My daughter's in prison, too.

Sorry, everyone. Enjoy this tour.

It's just fascinating to me.
I could spend two days here.

Chip, pick up the phone.

Kids.

- Thank you, Marlena.
- You're so welcome.

- I hope you find him okay.
- Me, too.

- Can I take a few of these?
- By all means, please.

It's a lovely, lovely museum.

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Even if you're a Democrat.

It's okay.

Thank you, Travis!

Best of luck with those macrame classes.

Chip, where the hell are you?

I'm... I'm gonna make it
to the courthouse, okay?

I'm just a little late.

Listen, I put $10,000 down.

That's gonna go down the drain
if you don't show up.

I promise you I'll make
it to the hearing,

I just... There's something
that I need to do, okay?

You'd better be there.

Thank you.

He's gonna meet us there.

What a world!

May I help you?

Um, yes, hi. My friend
Morpheus is here, I think,

and this Pan flute was his favorite
thing in the world.

I was hoping maybe, you know,

he could rest in peace with the flute

on top of his chest
or something like that.

Yeah, we can't do anything like that.

You probably want to talk to the family.

Are they here?

I'll check.

Okay.

Thank you.

I don't know what's gotten into him.

If he doesn't make
that sentencing hearing, then...

It's all my fault.

What do you mean?

He was so young
when his father died.

I... I didn't get help for us.

I really messed it up. I...

I wasn't prepared to deal with that.

And how could he, at nine years
old, be prepared?

It's not your fault,
Christine, I promise you.

And the recession wasn't Carter's fault.

If Ronald Reagan had
been president in 1978,

he would have been a one-term president.

Some things are just
bigger than the office.

Want a jelly bean?

I'm a diabetic, Ken.

And I'm not proud of it.

I know how that goes.

My first wife was a diabetic.

So I always keep sugar-free cough drops.

Thank you.
There's the trolley.

Finally. A trolley.

Can I help you, son?

Look, I really don't know what to say,

but, I... I knew your son.

You knew Stanley?

Who's Stanley?

Yes, yes. I knew him
under a stage name.

Um, but I was with him when he passed.

I see.

Come in. Please.

Dorothy, I don't think
we should let him in.

We don't know anything about this man.

He's Stanley's friend.

I don't think we should. We
don't know anything about him.

Arnold, let... Let him in.

Wish it was a little colder,
but the ice machine's out.

Thank you.

I have something that I...
That I brought for you,

that I think you should have.

Maybe you should have this.

It's your dad's.

What do you say?

Thanks.

He, liked to play that thing a lot.

Your dad was a good guy.

He could dance and sing.

He liked trains.

He once, opened
a can of pasta for me.

He did?

Real free spirit.

Stanley loved buttered noodles.

He did.

Loved them.

I would say when he was younger,

he wanted them once a week.

How do you play this thing?

Blow really hard, honey.

Sounds like a video game.

Welcome home.

You're saying that what you stole

had been stolen from you earlier.

- As your lawyer...
- What time is it?

He still has a few minutes.

God.

What you cannot do is take
the law into your...

Sorry I'm late.
So sorry.

There he is.

That's fine. We're
just wrapping up here.

Any open seat's fine.

If nothing's open, the bailiff
will clear one for you.

There's coffee, both stations.

I'll take an Americano. Thank you.

You're next.
Where were you?

Sorry.

God. It's a court of law.

Next case.

Now, given that this
is your first offense,

I'm going to be generous.

I can only hope that witnessing
the death of your friend

- threw the fear of God in you.
- What? Death?

I'm giving you six months probation.

I don't want to see you back here, okay?

Thank you, your highness.

Six months probation.

That's just so awful, Chip.

To see someone die like that.

Why didn't you tell me?

I... I didn't want to...
I didn't want to worry you, Mom.

That's my job.
I'm your mother.

I know it is.

How did it go?

She got five years.

I'm so sorry, Ken.

It's okay. I guess I always
knew this day was coming.

Only so many times you're gonna get

a slap on the wrist, I suppose.

So, I think I'll just,
go back to the hotel,

and gather up my stuff
and head on back to Denver.

I am ready to go home.

Well, thank you for everything.

You were really nice to me.

Well, I did something.

You're gonna think this is dumb, but...

God!

Ken!

Well, I saw you looking at it,

and I thought, well...

I just thought it
would look nice on you.

It's beautiful.

So many little Reagans.

Yeah, well, he definitely
makes a better bracelet

than he does president, that's for sure.

So listen, if you are ever in Denver...

Look me up.

Put my home phone number
on the back of the card there.

Carpet King.

- That's me, I'm the king.
- That's you.

- That's me.
- That's so cute.

- Good card.
- Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Well, I'd better get going.

Should we go home, Chip?

Yeah, Mama.

directed by
JONATHAN KRISEL

written & created by
LOUIS C.K. & ZACH GALIFIANAKIS & JONATHAN KRISEL