Baskets (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Freaks - full transcript

Chip Baskets rides the rail to Kettleman City where he finds work in a local elementary school. Hearing about a birthday party for a family of limited means, Baskets the clown crashes the party to entertain the kids.

sync & corrections by
siamond1976
- opensubtitles.org

Ladies and gentlemen,

B-b-b-b-baskets the clown!

I'm a diabetic.

I gotta face facts.

It's time to grow up, okay?

You need a real j-o-b, and that spells job.

I am so proud
of you for getting that job.

And you look happier, too.

Martha told me that you found out about

our little, uh, sex romp in the van.



Dale, are you, um,
putting out a sex vibe?

Maybe a little bit. Sure.

- Yes, that's good, Dale.
- Yeah!

She was my friend first.
You stay away from her.

You know what? I'm moving
in with you and mama.

It's gonna be so good
to have you home, Dale.

Gonna have to close up shop,
shut the rodeo down.

I'm a clown, I need this place.
What am I gonna do?

Oh, hell, you'll be a clown

whether this place is here or not.

I did not see the box of socks,

but I'll take your word for it.

- If you could just sign right here.
- I gotta go.

Oh. We could have your wife sign.



That is not my wife. That is my mother.

Sorry about that.

Why does that always happen to me?

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- That's me, by the way.
- Thank you.

- Hello.
- Oh, hey, um, is Mrs. Baskets home?

I wanted to drop something off for her.

Martha, I'm here.

- Oh.
- We haven't seen Chip, sweetie.

- Come on in.
- Okay. Well...

You just missed Dale, though.

Oh, well, that's okay.

Martha, get in here.

I'm doing a family wall.

- Hi, Mrs. Baskets.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Look at these. Look at this.

Look at this. Do you see me?

Wow, that's a great sweater
set that you're wearing.

Well, it's right in the
garage if you ever want it.

- Well...
- You know, I saved all my clothes.

- Oh, really?
- Is that a crazy thing?

I don't know. I thought, well,
what if I have twin girls?

And that's my brother,
Jim. He's a nice kid.

And that's my mom. How about her?

- Wasn't she something?
- She looks great.

Look at her, what a looker she was.

Here's my father.

- Oh.
- I'm just kidding.

No, but I thought I'd put
this up. What do you think?

- Yeah, that would go...
- Oh.

- Look at Cody and Logan.
- Wow.

- I got it off their Facebook.
- Is that like an ad?

I don't know what it is. It's
so pretty, though, isn't it?

Listen, Mrs. Baskets, I know it's
only been a couple of weeks...

Yes.

But I made a missing
flier for Chip at work.

- A missing flier?
- Yeah, I'm worried.

Lost!
God, where'd you get that picture?

I got it off the Internet.

Yeah, what, most wanted?
I can't believe you did this.

I'm really worried about him,

and I thought if I put these up...

Martha, don't worry about this.

This is what kids do.

They try to get your attention.

And Chip is a master at that.

When he was a kid, he would
go down to the Parsons.

He would hide in their
boat, of all things.

He's okay.

Have you checked their boat?

No, and I'm not gonna check
their boat. He'll show up.

I'm sure right now Chip is
having the time of his life.

Hot. It's hot.

- BASETS -

Okay, that will be $15.87.

Wow. For this?

Yes.

- Nothing's on sale?
- No.

Okay.

Sometimes they get in the crevices.

That's it.

Okay, uh...

One more time with the price.

$15.87.

Still. Okay. I think
I'll just take this.

How much is just this?

What are you doing here?

I'm trying to get some sleep.

Could you turn that off, please?

No, Pal, you're trespassing.

This train is private property.

You can't be here.

It's okay, I'm a hobo.

Enough games.
Boys.

California-Oregon Border

- Oh, God!
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, man, relax. Hey!
Hey, hey, dude, relax.

Morpheus.

Look, this dude, Morpheus,

he stitched you up, man.

Uh, you want some water?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

We boiled it, it's clean.

- It's clean?
- Yeah, go ahead.

It's potable.

It tastes like a foot.

- Hello.
- Hey.

You know, I used dental
floss on your stitches.

Peppermint.

I was wondering what that smell was.

Thank you.

Morpheus. This dude is,
like, on another level, man.

He'll show you these YouTube
videos that'll just...

They'll change your life.

Um, you know, we found this
guy last week in Portland,

and they really beat
the shit out of him.

You gotta be careful.

Who beat the shit... they
beat the shit out of him?

Oh, no, these guys are my friends.

This is Tank, Mouse, Cipher.

Mouse, what you cooking tonight?

- Burrito bowls.
- Oh, my man is a sick chef.

This dude, like, used
to work at Chipotle,

so his... oh, his
burrito bowls are dank.

Oh, cool. I'm an Arby's man.

- Oh.
- Yeah, I worked at Arby's.

- Good for you.
- Yeah.

Arby's, not corporate
but one of their stores.

We've got the meats.

Yeah, so we all come from, like,
pretty weird situations, but...

- Really.
- We got rain.

Better sit tight.

Hey.

How are those Noodles?

So good.

This stuff's good 'til 2021.

Yo, noodles, I, uh, made
you a burrito bowl.

Thank you very much.

All right, come on. Let's go.

Good luck on your
journeys there, Noodles.

Yeah, if you find an Aloe Vera plant,

rub it on your shoulder.

Take care.

Where are you guys going?

South. Rain's coming.

It sucks out here without a tarp.

Well, maybe I can go with you,
maybe I can join your troupe.

Hey, Morpheus.

Noodles wants to come with us.

What's that, Noodles?

I just... maybe I could
join you guys, you know.

This family survives
because we each contribute.

There's no freeloading.

Well, I don't have any practical skills.

None. That's why I'm out here.

My IQ is iffy. At best.

I went to France to
study to become a clown.

But I don't think clowns
are needed as much,

since the world has become so clownish.

This is it. This is
all I got. Just me.

Hey, hey. Come here.

Welcome home.

He's a clown!

Yeah.

Maybe there was a reason we found you.

Everybody has such nice teeth.

Now, up the hill. Let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen,

all donations are
appreciated at the freak show.

Let's hear it for the
lovely Cipher, and Tank.

So get that garbage out of your pocket,

and put it in the garbage box.

We'll decide just how much it's worth.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

Mouse is going to do something

that only five people
in the world can do.

Tell me that isn't worth more than the stuff
they sell you at the Dollar Store, right?

Look at this.

Oh, look at that sword in his mouth.

Come on. Yeah! Give me
that money. Thank you.

What else you gonna do with that money?

Okay. Yeah, that's almost our cue.

- Are you nervous?
- A bit.

That's totally normal.

Performing on the street
is like it's own animal.

Like, when I first did
it, I was so nervous,

but just... if you follow me...

...by Trinity and our
newest member, Noodles.

Noodles. Noodles.

No. Back.

I go our there,

- just watch what I do.
- Okay.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Sorry, everybody,

it's Noodles' first day.

Sorry, everybody, this
is Noodles' first day.

- What's wrong?
- What are you doing?

- What do you...
- I said I would come out,

and then you would follow me.

That's exactly what I was trying to do.

- You promised...
- No, I...

Need that.

Okay, this is, uh...

Hey, everybody, I'm Noodles.

Noodles, ladies and gentlemen.

Donations, please,
please, for the clown.

For the clown.

Come on, one more time!

You're crazy.

Yeah, goodnight.

- Dude, sick show.
- Oh, you, too.

Hey, Noodles, can I
talk to you for a sec?

- What's that?
- Can I talk to you?

Yeah.

Cool, so, yeah.

Uh, I wanted to ask you,
like, what your plans are.

My plans?

I don't know, I'm just
along for the ride.

You know, here to check out the scenery.

Like a tourist?

No. Okay?

Yeah, so like I noticed that you've
been carrying around the soup ladle.

Yeah.

Morpheus gave me this.

No big deal.

So it is a big deal.
It's like an honor, man.

Like, that is what puts
the lentils into the cup.

I used to carry that,
and now, obviously, you do.

- You can have it if you want.
- No, I don't want it like that.

I only became a clown so
that I could, like, have a...

Like, a part in this freak
family or whatever,

and now, like, you came
along and, like, whatever man,

you're the better clown. You
get all the laughs, so it's like...

- Trinity, Trinity...
- You know, just...

I get all the laughs because
you're the straight man.

I'm a bisexual woman.

I meant in the vaudevillian...
In the vaudevillian sense.

Okay, I'm sorry, like, I didn't
go to no fancy ass, like,

- clown boarding school...
- Trinity.

So, I'm a street clown, so maybe, like,

lower your language for me or whatever.

Why don't you go write your like,
little "I hop trains" article

for The Wall Street Journal, man,

and just, like, get out of my life.

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay, it's okay.

I like you, I do,

and where I come from, the rodeo,

clowns, we work together, right?

All right.

That's okay.

Oh, okay, okay. I think
you have the wrong idea.

You're confused for my body.

- It's okay.
- No.

I'm okay. You're not okay,

'cause you're missing out on all...

Of this, titties. Good ones.

Goodnight, lady boy.

If it means anything to you, I have a...

Terrible physique.

Hey, everyone.

Gather around.

Got a little over 70 bucks here.

And, uh, I think in large
part it's due to Noodles.

- Yeah, Noodles.
- Hell, yeah, Noodles.

So I think we should celebrate,

- and get some snacks.
- Oh, yes.

Snacks? We need to get a tarp.

Rain's coming. We could die
if we don't have shelter.

I don't think it's up to you, Trinity.

What do you think, Noodles?

- Well...
- Snacks or tarp?

- I'd love some Pringles but...
- Oh, man.

- We could get... we could get nachos.
- All right.

Like, I've been here
way longer than him,

but I get it. I know
when I'm not wanted, so...

You guys all set? Goodbye forever.

Trin, come on, just
calm down, all right?

Look, we get some snacks,
you'll be smiling again.

- You know that.
- Trin.

Trin, don't freak out.

Ahh! Shut up!
You sound like my pastor.

Like, "oh, Trinity, how ya doin'?"

"Like, why don't you
just, like, calm down."

Like, sorry, dude, I'm not
some lobotomized robot,

like, I can't turn it off and on.

I think I'm awesome.
Obviously, you don't.

How can you leave this
family? Don't leave.

You look so stupid.

You have no idea who these people are.

Sorry you don't find me attractive.

Goodbye.

Dude, just let her go. She's feral.

A lot of people out here,
they're just quitters.

You know?

It's raining.

We gotta go.

Yeah, there's newspapers
all over the lawn.

No lights on. I think
somebody's on vacation.

I'm gonna go in. Wish me luck.

On the snack run, just get me
some Werther's Originals, okay?

Or some beef jerky. Love beef jerky.

Come on.

- Go, go, go.
- Go where?

Watch your step.

Go, go, go.

Welcome home, assholes.

What happens when
these people come home?

Uh, we'll be long gone.

State Farm home
insurance will clean it up.

What with Trinity, did you...
did you sleep with her?

- Is that the...
- What? No.

I'm old enough to be her ancestor.

Well, you missed your
shot, 'cause she is like...

What do you mean, she's like...

We were just friends.

She freaked out.

Well, I feel bad about
how things worked out.

I feel like it's my fault.

Hands up, assholes!

- Snack time.
- Whoa.

Daddy first. Come here.

Look at all these goodies I scored.

Something for everyone.

- Hey.
- Yeah.

- What is that?
- Snacks.

Let me see it.

- Hey!
- That one, okay?

Here were go.

Guys, don't do heroin.

It's heroin, right?

Or is it an EpiPen?

Noodles, you're gonna love this, okay?

The first time is the best.

Okay, that ain't no EpiPen.

That ain't no EpiPen.

Chip.

Chip!

Chip.

Chip.

Chip!

You know, I think I'm gonna take off.

- What?
- Yeah, I think I'm gonna take off.

Turns out I'm more of a tarp guy

than I am a snacks guy, okay?

Wait, no, Noodles. Get the needle, man.

It's comin' around again.

Yeah.

Noodles doesn't do needles.

Wait.

directed by
JONATHAN KRISEL

written by
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS & LOUIS C.K.

created by
LOUIS C.K. & ZACH GALIFIANAKIS & JONATHAN KRISEL

starring
ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

MARTHA KELLY
LOUIE ANDERSON

sync & corrections by
siamond1976
- opensubtitles.org