Barry (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Candy asses - full transcript

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♪ ♪

Here we go. Guys, you ready?

Alright, roll and music!

Hello. I'm Gene Cousineau,

and I'm a mask collector.
"Wait a minute.

"Isn't this supposed to be
a Master Class in acting,

given by the great performer
Gene Cousineau?"

You're saying to your laptop
or mobile device,

and, yes, it is.
Don't fret it.

And by the end of
this class, hopefully,

you're gonna be
a mask collector, too,
God willing.



Let me give you an example
of my favorite masks.

Hamlet. To be or not to be!

Is that the question?

Stanley Kowalski. Stella!

Get down here! Get down here!
I want to eat!

A cop in "Serpico."

Hey, Serpie? Are you
goin' against us?

You see?
These are not literal masks.

They are roles that you're
gonna play in this class,

and they are gonna
change your life.

Now, yes,

I have given students the tools

to go on to great careers.

This class is not about
entrances and exits.



It is about reaching
into your soul,

pulling out that muck,
and throwing it on the stage.

Hey! I'm actin' here!

Ratso Rizzo.

So, are you ready?

You better be ready
'cause the curtain is up,

and the spotlight is on you,

and welcome to
"Gene Cousineau's
Master Class."

- And cut.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay, um, that was good.
I'd like to try one more.

- Resetting!
- No slouching, class.

Um, y-you're not at home
playing video games.

I need you to lean in
and pay attention.

Whoever's on the, uh, taxi,

try starting earlier
on entrances and exits.

Other than that, very good.
Let's go again.

- Got a laugh on the taxi.
- Yeah, I saw that.

Ah! Fuck!

Everybody read
the outline on 106?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, how we feel about it?

- So good. You slayed.
- Killer.

- Awesome.
- Anyone else?

I have a question.

Uh, there's that...

great scene
where Medusabby

is hooking up
with the bartender,

and the snakes keep
falling out of her hat?

That's funny.

That's not supposed to be funny.

- It's supposed to be real.
- Oh.

Um, right.
Well, the... snakes
on her head felt real.

But then, she turns
him to stone. But then,

she's still horny,
so she sucks

and then eats his dick.

Is that literal?

- What else would it be?
- Um,

Well, I was thinking

that maybe it could be...
more of a conversation.

Like, uh, it could be
about her longing, maybe.

Or, you know, like how
she can't get close to people

because of the whole
snake thing.

I guess I just...

I just wanna know
what she's thinking.

She just wants to get laid.

And it's funny.

Right, but if
she wants to get laid,

then why does
she bite his dick off?

What?

She does have
a point, Mel.

So... J-j-just...

Hm...

Wow.

Good job.
That was ballsy as fuck.

- Really?
- Oh my god.

You said everything
we've been thinking,

but never would've said
in a million years.

- How the fuck is
he a showrunner?
- He's been around for forever.

I think he was a writer on
"Everybody Loves Raymond."

- What's that?
- Some new show that
thinks they're just hilarious.

Apparently, the showrunner
is a fucking party.

The villain of the show

who's also...
wait for it,

wait for it,
the love interest!

Okay!

I know, I know, I know.

He'll be like,
Hello!
My name is Mike!

And I'm gonna be like...

Make me an appointment
at the acupuncturist

where Chloe Grace Moretz
gets hers done,

but make sure that
it's with the tattoo guy

- and not the fangs girl
because I did not like her.
- Okay.

Ding-ding!
Oof, I'm hungry.

But not for any of that stuff.

So you have your own show?

- Yeah.
- Hm. What's it about?

I play a single mom.

I have a cupcake store with
my daughter in Central Park.

- What's it called?
- "Just Desserts."

So you stole my show.

No. It's actually a really
important story to me.

It's not a story.

- It's a fucking math equation!
- I'm actually feeling really
uncomfortable right now.

You have nothing to
say about anything.

You've never struggled a day
in your whole fucking life!

Nobody's ever put a hand
around your fucking neck!

This was my story!
My story!

You don't even have
a fucking daughter!

Neither do you, Sally.

You are nothing without me!
You are nothing!

Nobody stupid
piece of shit!

I brought you into the fold

and this is how you
fucking betray me?!

I cubed your
carrots for you.

You entitled cunt!

You entitled fucking cunt!

You entitled
fucking cunt!

You entitled fucking cunt!

Cristobal Sifuentes?

Cristobal Sifuentes!

- Excuse me!
- Do you speak English?

No.

Do you know where
the Sifuentes family lives?

They drugs.

Yes. Yes, they do
deal drugs. Um...

Do you know where maybe?

A house
or apartment building?

Maybe a cross street, perhaps.

Yep. Okay.

That's what I thought
you were doing,

but did not want
to be rude, so...

Ooh...

Ooh...

Ooh...

Ooh...

- No, no, no. Don't laugh.
- Keep it going, kids.

Now!
How do you feel?

- Like a ghost.
- Wrong. How do you feel?

- Embarrassed.
- She's right. Okay.

Now, do the scene.

Doctor,
the generators are down.

If we don't get electricity
back in the park,

the dinosaurs will escape.

- Let's split up.
- Stop.

Alright, do you see
the difference, huh?

It is all in the body.
It's much more real.

Now, I believe
she's got the code.

He's going to ride the dinosaur.
It's all going to be fine.

You've got to embrace
your embarrassment.

- I want a lollipop!
- I want it to be purple!

- Do I look like a fool?
- Not my problem.

You know, that was good.
I don't think there's any need

to switch out those students.

- So? How was that, boss?
- Yeah, fine.

So, you want me to mark
the first or second take?

You know, I haven't
done this in 20 years.

I have no fucking idea
what I'm doing.

Do you need a minute?

I don... I don't want
him to know.

Okay. I won't tell him.

No, dude, I'm having...

a full-on fucking
panic attack.

Hey, don't panic.
It looks really good.

- It does?
- Yeah, you're doing great.

What was your name again?

It's Sheryl.

Sheryl scripting.
Thanks, Sheryl.

Mark take two.
Mark take two.
-Okay.

Jim Moss?

Ken Goulet.

Mind if we go for a drive?

And, seriously, I don't
know what happened,

but, uh, the cops
just let him go.

So, here's my card.

Address is on the back.

You know this how?

- He told you.
- Nah. Got my ways
of finding out.

Couple of tours in country,

you learn some things.

I was in 'Nam.

- I was a fighter pilot.
- No shit.

Yeah. Got shot down. Captured.

Candy asses.
They make you talk?

I got in my interrogator's head,

and he ended up
committing suicide.

Me and some of
the other guys escaped.

You convinced your interrogator
to kill himself?

Yeah.

Some of the other guys said
I had an aptitude for it,

but, uh, I thought
they were just being nice.

But, when I got
to SERE school,

they pulled me out of class
and made me an instructor.

And the guy killed himself?

Hm. Was he depressed?

I wanted my daughter, Janice,
to get into it. She resisted.

She said, "Daddy,
what you do is fucked up."

Did you get any sense
of his home life?

Yeah, and then she went
and did her homicide thing.

I was proud of her.

I mean, heh, he worked
in a prison camp

in the jungle during Vietnam.

Seems like he might have
been a ticking clock.

I'm not saying, you know,
anything against you, man.

It's just... it might be
a right man,
right day situation.

You know, for instance,
I got this super touchy cousin.

And one day at breakfast I said,

"Hey, Don, you don't know how
to make a proper short stack."

And he put down his spatula

and he went out back
and he hung himself.

I'm no kind of genius
or anything, but, uh,

just a simple tonnage...

issue...

Shit.

That's him. 100%.

Okay, um...

Mr. Moss, he...

kills your daughter,

and then he shows up
at your door. Why?

He was claiming that Janice's
killer was still out there.

Said it was a student
in Gene Cousineau's class,

Barry Berkman.

Fed me some line about
how I could get justice.

Gentlemen.

Respectfully,

this is the Raven,

and he's trapped you like a fox.

If he gets Jim here
to kill Berkman,

it throws suspicion
away from him.

But we're not falling for that.

No matter how many people
tell us it was Berkman,

we know it was this guy.

- Who else said
it was Berkman?
- Cousineau.

This is what I'm talking about.

This Raven guy
clearly knew Cousineau

was convinced it was Barry,

and he's trying
to keep that lie going.

He's an evil genius.

I want to talk to Fuches alone.
No cameras.

- That's not
how we do things.
- Whoa, Mae.

Hey, now, this is the FBI.

Okay? They're pros.

You want a phonebook
to hit him with?

Sock full of coins?

Oh no...

No...

Oh no...

What's...

♪ ♪

Hello?

Hello!

Hank?

Akhmal?

Hank.

Are you okay?

Are they torturing you?

Yes.

They want to know
about you and Cristobal.

And how Fernando was killed.

Where are we?

We don't know.

There are about four men.

And Elena.

Hank...

I'm almost out of my handcuffs.

I have one loose.

He's bleeding very bad, Hank.

Um...

What can I do?

When I get loose,

I'll free Akhmal.

Be ready.

Okay.

- Hey, Lindsay.
- We have a problem.

- What now?
- I just sent it to you.

- ...this is how you
fucking betray me?
- I cubed your carrots for you.

- Oh my god.
- Entitled cunt!

- You entitled fucking cunt!
- She was recording you.

Entitled fucking cunt!

- "Medusas" sent it to me.
- They're dropping you.

They don't feel like
someone who talks like this

belongs in their room.

- I have to post an apology.
- No, you don't!

Listen, I-I'm
coming over, okay?

That was perfect, Gene.

- Wow, really?
- Yeah, it was unbelievable.

I loved how engaged
the class was.

I loved how warm
you are on stage.

Now, I can tell...

- teaching gives you joy.
- You know it does.

But what about Annie?

Shh... where are you from?

Um, New York by
way of Minnesota.

You're a talent.

Shh.

The way you photographed Gene,
you made him so,

uh...

- Masculine?
- No.

- Uh, virile? Rugged?
- No.

- Brawny. Gallant. Robust.
- Nope.

Lantern-jawed?

- Un homme pour tous saisons?
- No, no, no, no.

Tall.

Absolutely. He was like
a real giant out there.

He was, uh,
very Adonis-like.

-Yeah.
-And actually, it was...
it was all really due to Annie.

Yes, I've got some
other projects

that I'd love
to talk to you about.

Who's your agent?

I haven't had
an agent since 1982.

Well, I could possibly
be of help to you.

It doesn't matter.

I want to get you in a room.

- Very impressed.
- You should be.

You don't know what's coming
down the pike. She's incredible.

Absolutely marvelous.

I think she did great.

Jim.

What are you...
What are you doing here?

The man who, uh,

took you out to Janice's
body contacted me.

Why?

He said he was
some investigator.

He's in jail now.

How?

I took him there.

W... So, he's talking
to the police now?

What do you think he's saying?

He said your student
Barry killed Janice.

Barry's a good kid.

That's not in him. I mean,
you know he was in war,

and he's like a mixed-up dummy,

but he's a good egg.

He was with us at the cabin.

Now, I wish he was armed.

Maybe he could have killed
those guys that took Janice.

You know, those Russians, but...

No, that's not in him.

Congratulations on the show.

I would like
to sincerely apologize

for my perceived transgression

against my former employee...
Well, friend,

and employee Natalie Greer.

Now, despite the fact
that the four-letter word
in question here

was traditionally used
as a form of kinship
between women

and is widely used in Europe,
I do understand

that I have offended
a few people...

- It's the truth.
- ...and for that
I am deeply sorry,

but I just want to say
be careful who you trust,

you know? Because it takes
a certain type of person...

- to record a private...
- This isn't an apology.

- This is damage control.
- It's the fucking truth!

It has nothing to do with
what happened with Natalie,

and frankly, it cheapens
what you set out to do
with your show.

My show... is me,

Lindsay, and she stole
my fucking show!

If you had just let me
deal with this...

instead... Why did you
have to say something?

Oh, fuck off!

You don't care about me.

You don't care about "Joplin."

You just care about
your commission. "Oh! Oh!

It's so important to have a
great relationship with BanShe!"

You want the relationship
with BanShe, not me.

You work for me!

And I am fucking drowning!

And instead of trying
to help me,

you're just trying
to save yourself.

This is honest, okay?
This is the honest
fucking truth.

And if that makes me unhirable,
then I am fucking unhirable,

but at least I told
the fucking truth!

And I promise,
going forward,

not to let that passion...

I have to drop you.

And I'm sorry.

Good.

'Cause I don't wanna
work with liars.

And because of that,
I've made a donation

Okay.

...to share your stories
in the comments below.

You know the sound of kids'
footsteps early in the morning?

I still hear it.

I can hear him in his room
on his computer.

I'll talk to him from my office
across the hall.

Full conversations.

My wife says I'm...

losing my mind.
She, uh,

she thinks this city

turned him into some devil.
I...

I never wanted to hurt
anyone my whole life.

Until we had Ryan.

Oh, the love I had
for that child.

It terrified me. I mean...

What would I do if
something happened to him?

A-and then I-I found out
what you did, and...

I can't.

I-I-I could leave you here,
and you'll rot.

But I can't.

Why?

Why?

I want to see my son again.

White male, late 60s,

self-inflicted,
possible DOA.

Check those vitals!

Hi.

Listen, I'm gonna be
straight with you. Um...

You tell me what you know.
You cooperate.

I help you.

I told you what I know.

Why'd you go see Jim Moss?

To give him information
about who killed his daughter.

And who's that?

- Ask him.
- I'm asking you.

Hm...

Oh, by the way,
those cameras are off.

Why?

Because I asked them to be.

Know how I got this?

- Shaving?
- Yeah, no,
that's a bad joke.

No. No.

No, I got this while
I served in Afghanistan.

Hm.

Yeah, see, we were on a patrol,

and then I got hit by a sniper.

And my buddy...

Well, he wanted payback,
but he took it out
on the wrong guy.

And then, he got discharged.

You're Albert.

I am.

Oh my god.

How do you know Berkman?

I'm, uh...

- I'm his manager.
- His manager.

- Mm-hmm.
- What, like,
for his acting stuff?

Look. Look, dude,
I'm trying to help you here,

- so be straight with me, okay?
- No, no, no. No, no.

Is Barry caught up
in all this shit?

You served with a guy
named Chris?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Too bad what happened to him.

His wife and kids. How sad.

Little Theo? Hm...

He still sleeps with his...
with his mom

because he's afraid

whoever killed his daddy
was gonna get him.

Oh. Kid's got intuition.

You ever wonder why Chris,
who never saw combat,

was basically a computer geek,

would even have PTSD?

Oh, he loved Sharon and Theo.
They were his whole world.

Why would he take himself out
knowing that something like that

would fuck them up
for life? Yeah.

Well, that, uh...

...switch you saw go off

when Barry was avenging you?

I harnessed that into
a very lucrative job for him.

One day,

sent Barry out on a mission,

went sideways, and,
well, Chris...

He was at the wrong place
at the wrong time.

Saw some shit he shouldn't have.

♪ ♪

You know Barry still
participates in those...

charity runs that Sharon
does in Chris' memory?

Barry's a good guy.

Oh. Hey, what did he say?

You can question him
if you want. I'm leaving.