Barry (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - limonada - full transcript

Barry learns the extent of Gene's storied Hollywood history; Cristobal and Hank face a major setback when Cristobal's father-in-law, Fernando, unexpectedly arrives in Los Angeles looking to take out the Chechens and bring Cristoba...

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Two number threes
with Diet Cokes?

- Oh, yeah. Thanks.
- Sure.

Could I have my change, please?

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

- Here's your burgers.
- Yeah. Please let me
ride up front with you.

- Here's your drink.
Here's your change.
- Okay.

Oh my god. Thanks.
Look, can I at least

- eat the sandwich
before we take off?
- We gotta go.

- No, no, no.
- Wait, the food is gonna
fly all over the--

We gotta go! Got big plans!

Yeah, I just...

I wanna make sure that
we fully understand, like,

why Chloe decides to leave Zach.

I think it's
pretty clear.

Are you worried it'll appear
like we have an agenda?

No, not an agenda.
Just, like,

needs to be, like, complex
and gray, you know?

And right now,
it just reads like...

I don't know.
Like her dialogue is...

People just don't talk
like that, you know?

Like in perfectly
worded arguments.

I would disagree
with that assumption.

Her naiveté is a direct result
of the history of subjugation

of women by
a draconian patriarchy.


Maybe we throw
a few "um's" in there?

Oh my god...

How do you know
to do all this?

Writing? Oh!
It's easy.

You know, you just, um...

follow your instincts
and keep it honest.

- You know, just like
when you're acting.
- Yeah, I'm...

I'm actually, like,
working on some personal stuff.

Like, um, kind of a show.
It's like coming of age,

but set in space.

- I don't know, but...
- Sally!

- Barry?
- Hey!

Hi. I-- Wait...

I'm forgetting.
Did I ask you to come?

No, I came on my own.

- Oh... Hi!
- Hey!

Hey. Listen,

I know how to get Cousineau

over the murder
of his girlfriend.

You cast him on your show.


I... What? Wait, y--

- You talked to Cousineau?
- Uh, yeah.

Yeah, and, um, you know,
he's still pretty fucked up,

but I think getting his,
um, you know,

career back on track will make
him a little less fucked up

and give him a purpose.

Oh, that's so sweet.

But we threw his name out for
a part and casting said no.

I think the direct quote was,
"life's too short."

Well, wait, aren't you the boss?
Can't you override that?

Yeah, I am the boss,
which is why I need to trust

that I hired smart people,

and casting said
he's a shitshow. So...

- He's not a shitshow.
- Yeah, I know. Look,

I was as surprised as you are,

but the town wants
nothing to do with him.

He's made his bed, so...

Hey, you know, I'm kind of in
the middle of something here,

so can we talk
about this at home?

He's in a lot of pain.

Yeah. No,
I am sorry to hear that.

- No, you're not.
- What?

If you actually felt that way,
you'd do something about it,

but you're not doing
anything about it.

So now, I have to do
something about it.

I came here for your help,
and you're not giving it to me.

Are you okay?
'Cause you seem
a little manic.

- I'm worried about him.
- So am I.

Which is why I tried
to get him on my show.

We're saying the same thing.

We are not saying
the same thing!

We are not
saying the same thing!

If I don't do this,
I don't live!

I have to do this
to fucking live!

Don't fucking laugh at me!

My whole life!
My whole... fucking life!

- Barry...
- I need you to do
this for me now!


Do it.

- Okay. I see... you're
very upset right now.
- Do it!

Look, I-I-I'm sorry.
I tried, and...

- I... I can't.
- Shit.

- Hello?
- Hey-hey.

Are you around to meet up?

Yes. Um...

- What time were you thinking?
- Now!

Right. Duh.

You know, I really wish you
would trust one of my guys

to bring you these
heroin plants,

but since I'm the only
one you trust,

you know? Just...

- sucks that you live all
the way in Calabasas.
- Hi!

- I mean, that is a drive.
- Say I live in the Redlands.


Fuck me!


I am so fucked today.

I will not be coming back
to this office anytime soon.

Okay. I'll see you later.

- Are you selling limonada?
- Yeah.

- Oh, how much?
- One dollar!

Fantastic. I'll take two.

Don't pull on the door!

Let me unlock first!


- Mi yerno.
- Suegro.

Did you just come all
the way from Bolivia?


But, not in this.
It's a rental.

We flew.

Barry? Barry,

I've been in this trunk
way too long.

I can't feel my legs!
A-and, you might not know this,

but that is definitely
a stroke symptom!

- You're going to have to relax.
- What are you doing?

Plan A didn't work,
so I'm gonna have to do plan B.

Do you even know
what the plan is?

I don't know what the plan is!

Look, I'm trying to fucking
help you, man, alright?

- So, just shut up!
- Where you going?

Uh, Allison Jones' office,

We were all just a little
confused though. I mean,

you read for "Swim Instructors,"
you were really good.

We liked you. Jay liked you.

- Who?
- Jay.

The director.

- Oh, Jay Roach. Yeah.
- Yeah.

But then, um,
we couldn't find you.

You didn't return any calls,
and we left messages.

- We left word, we couldn't--
You never called us back.
- Right.

- No, uh, something came up.
- Right. Well, it's cast now.

They went with Adam DeVine
and Josh Gad.

Two short guys. Never,
ever, ever going to work.

Not funny. I don't know
why they think it is.

- Right... Well, it's, um,
I'm not really here for me.
- Yeah.

Uh, I was wondering
if you could, um,

- get my acting teacher
some work.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, his name is Gene Cousineau.
He's been around--

Oh, Gene Cousineau's
a fucking asshole.

I won't have anything
to do with him.

He was awful to me.
No, thank you.

But, you know what?
I like your intensity.

You kind of have,
like, a not-present
Joaquin Phoenix thing.

- Huh.
- We might have something
for you, actually,

that you could be right for.
On the show
"Laws Of Humanity,"

there's a great role,
Mr. Millaway.

Can you come back at 6:00
and read for that?

- Me?
- Yeah.

6:00. Different office.

Good role.
I think you'd be great for it.
Yeah. Last slot.

♪ This is skinny papa,
don't you be a creep ♪

♪ If you learn to boogaloo,
you can really be deep ♪

♪ Look at fat mama,
she's as cool as ice ♪

♪ If you dig a boogaloo,
you know it's pretty nice ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Skinny papa ♪

♪ Come on and do the boogaloo ♪

♪ Fat mama's dancing ♪

♪ So, why can't you? ♪

♪ Skinny papa ♪

♪ Come on and do the boogaloo ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Fat mama dancing ♪

♪ So, why can't you? ♪


Drink with me. Come on.

This Airbnb is fantastic.

They're fun, no?

Y-yeah. Yeah.

Stop being so much fun!

Uh, did Elena send you?

My daughter misses her husband.

And the niños,


they need their daddy.

I know you've had a hard time
establishing a foothold in LA.

Minor setback.

Chechens seem to be
a major setback.

But not to worry.

The cavalry is here.

We will take them out.
Blood for blood.

The sooner we can wipe out
these Russian farmers,

the sooner we establish
our business.

And you can go back home!

Blood for blood.

Sally? Action on rehearsal.

Sally, action on rehearsal.

Oh. Um...

You need to get out of this.
I think I'll...

I think we'll cross this way,
if that's not totally weird.

Um... Sorry. Yeah.
You need to get out of this.

But, he apologized.

That's why you're staying
in it, for the apology.

- That's not a thing.
- Yes, it is.

I did it with your father,

and it was a pattern
I fell into.

It took me years to
break it, but I did.

And I just don't want...

Fuck! What's my line?

I don't want you to
make the same mistakes.

Yeah, we gotta
change that.

I just-- I say that
to her constantly.

- Alright, let's set this up.
Cast can rest.
Where's my script?

Hey. Are, are you okay?

Yeah. That was really scary.

Yeah. Um,

so, uh, we gotta
report that, right?

Oh. Are you guys talking
about Sally's boyfriend?

- I heard about that.
- Yeah, we were there.

It was, like, terrifying.

Who do we talk to about this?

Well, he doesn't work here,
so we can't report it to HR.

Did he hit her?

- No. Um...
- Did he threaten her?

Uh, no.

Did he throw anything?

he had her pinned up
against the wall,

and he was yelling at her.

There's really nothing
we can do about that.

I mean, he's clearly
a violent person.

They're adults,

and I like my job.

Sucks that you had to see tha--

What, camera's ready?

We're ready for you on set.

♪ ♪



So, let me get
this straight.

You went in to get me a part,
and you got yourself a part?

It's an audition.
I'm reading Mr. Millaway.

You're a lawyer.

You seriously want me to
interpret the scene for you?

Are you out of
your fuckin' mind?

Oh, just let me go, Barry.
I'm not gonna tell anybody.

- Wait, you wouldn't
go to the cops?
- Of course not!

You're a bad actor,
Mr. Cousineau.

So, you're gonna hold me hostage
until you book me a part?

That's not the way it works.

We're talking about me here.
That could take years.

Look, what I'm saying to you
is that your plan sucks.

Look, I swear

on Janice's soul,

I will not say a word

- to anyone--
- It's either this
or I kill you.

You're one of
the good guys, Barry.

You did a horrible thing.

But I see your pain.

It is the same pain that
you came to me with.

Fresh out of the army.
A lost soul.

No one to tell you your worth.

I took you in.

Not only did I teach you
to be a good actor,

I taught you to be
a good human being.

And this is how you repay me?

By killing me?

♪ ♪

I love you, Mr. Cousineau.

I appreciate that, Barry.

Well, look, we don't
have a lot of time. Uh,

I was going through
my checklist in my head,

and I think my guy's
issue is his ego.

Like, he's one of
these big pharma guys.

But, I think I can actually
make one of these guys likable.


No, I'm just leaving.
Literally the worst date.

I'm not exaggerating this time.

He ordered milk with dinner.
He-- Oh my--

This thing has
14 cup holders.

I counted.


chatter continues)

Apaga la luce.

There's no one here.

Como que no one?

- Seguro?
- Nada.

- Look at the dinosaur! Look!
- Look! Dinosaur! Look!

"Jurassic Park"!

- Holy shit! Jimmy Kimmel!
- Where?

- Right there!
- Yeah, Batir,

that's where they do
the Jimmy Kimmel.

- "The Man Show"
does not age well.
- Ah!

No. Not a carbonara.
That's too fancy.

Just, like,
a regular spaghetti.

I mean, do you guys
have a kids menu?

- Sally, Lindsay's
in your office.
- What? Lindsay?

- Wait. What?
Did she say what for?
- Didn't say.

- She's here.
- Oh. Okay. She just walked in.
I'll give her the lowdown.

- Hey. What's up?
- Hey. That was
Casey over at Diane's office.

- We have a situation.
- Ah...

Apparently, there's
another show like yours.

- What?
- It's called "Pam!"
With an exclamation mark.

So, it's kinda
more like... Pam!

- Who's in it?
- Alexis Kaplan.

- She's a stand-up comedian.
- Who's that?

- She is hysterical.
- Yeah. In the show,
she plays a woman

who escapes an abusive

- and has a daughter.
Wait, look at the glass!

- It's so big!
- It's cute.

She loves to drink.

That's a show about abuse?

You're mad? You're mad.

So, Diane wants
to get ahead of it,

so they're pulling
your release date up.

- What? To when?
- Yeah. End of the week.

Exciting! It's so exciting!

I-I don't know how
I feel about this.

So, we'll do
the premiere Thursday,

and you have to do
a press junket.

- When?
- Tomorrow.

- It's happening tomorrow?
- So, let's sit down...

- ...we can talk strategy.
- I gotta go pick up
some spaghetti.

We do-- We should talk
about it right now

- because it is tomorrow.
- But she needs
to get spaghetti.

Be right back!

Apologize? Are you nuts?

I'm not the type of man
to admit my wrongs.

I've already paid the family.

I need you to not only
look inside your wallet,

but your soul.
It's part of the settlement.

To apologize? What kind
of law practice is this?

A law practice whose goal
is to eradicate meanness.

Wait. That's you guys?

- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah. Thanks, Barry.

Uh, when will
I know if I got it?

Uh, work's tomorrow,
so soon.

I really need this job.

I know, everyone does.
We'll get back to you, okay?

You have that part,
the sad old man whose wife dies,

have you cast that yet?

Doesn't have any lines.
That's just gonna be an extra.

I need you to cast
my acting teacher.

- There's a process here--
- His name is Gene Cousineau.

Gene Cousineau?
That's your acting teacher?

That the guy that
brought the loaded gun

- to the "Full House" audition?
- Yeah.

When Allison didn't cast
him on "Family Ties,"

he called her
a donkey witch.

Everybody deserves
a second chance.

That's not how it works.

When I met Mr. Cousineau...

I was a lost soul.

I was just out of the Marines.
I didn't have anybody.

He didn't just
teach me how to...

be a better actor, but...

he taught me how to
be a human being.

He saved my life.

Oh my god.
Thank God you're okay.

What the fuck is going on?
Who's Fernando?

Why the fuck is Fernando
trying to kill us?

- I mean--
- Fernando is the head
of our family, Hank.

He brought his elite soldiers.

Las Aguilas.

You don't stand a chance.
You need to run.


Come on, we don't
run away from anyone.

- Let me talk to him, okay?
- Fuck, man,

you're not listening
to me, Hank.

You don't talk to him!
No one talks to him!

You'll die.

I couldn't handle that.

Wait, like, are you
breaking up with me?



Oh, you know,
me and Don Felder...

...especially the drums,
we wanted it to be very wet...

♪ What I've felt
What I've known ♪

Okay, okay, okay...


"Connect to Bluetooth"?

How the fuck do you do that?

Barry? Hey.

I got a part!

Wh-- For your controller?
No, no, I-I got you a new one.

No! No, like a part
on a TV show!
"Laws of Humanity."

Wait, what?

Oh my god! That's, like...

That's like a huge fucking show!

Like, a real show! Congrats!

Yeah, I got Cousineau
a part, too!

Oh my god, so you did it.

- How?
- I told Ben, the casting guy,

our story,
and he was really moved.

His exact words were,
"That is fucking clean

- and rad and beautiful, bro."
- Oh my god.

I can't believe he said rad.
They never say stuff like that.

That is just...
That is so wonderful,
Boo Bear. I mean,

- we should-- we should
celebrate. Okay.
- Yeah, I'll be home soon.

Yeah. Hey, listen. I, um...

Uh, I texted you
a lot earlier.

Oh, I haven't-- I haven't
been near my phone.

- Oh, yeah. No, that's okay.
- Um, I just, uh, I actually...

I wanted to apologize. I...

I was-- I've just
been under so much stress,

and then you came to my office,
and I was just thrown,

- and I-I'm really sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.


Uh... Wait, are you okay?



- Are you happy?
- Yeah. I gotta go.

- Okay. I just-- I really
want you to be happy, okay?
- Okay, byeee!

Okay. I love you! Love you.

Mr. Cousineau! Guess what?

Ho... Ho!

I-I did not see this coming.

I felt like things were
going really well.

I just...

I don't understand why you
don't want to be with me.

I mean, it's been
five amazing years.

I'm working on myself and you
seem to be appreciating that.

No? I mean, I don't understand
why you're leaving me.

You have too many dogs.

- Who?
- You!

- Me?
- Yes!

♪ ♪



Excuse me, little girl,
I really need your help.

Oh my god. Are you okay?

I'm being chased by a man
who killed my girlfriend.

- Oh my god.
- Yeah, and now,

he's trying to make up for it
by getting me a job
on a TV show.


I don't have my phone.

Could you please call me
an internet taxi?

Is that your dog?

Oh, no. That's just one
of the 30 that mauled me.

Mm-hmm. Uh...

Okay. It looks like there's
one right around the corner.

You are an angel!

Okay. Good luck.

No, no, no!
Please, don't leave me.
I can't be alone.

- No, I have to go to work.
- I-I'm a good person.

I wanted to live.

So, I ate his sandwiches
in the trunk.

- Oh! That's your car. That one.
- Yeah?


- L-Leo!
- Jesus, Dad,
what happened to you?

- Call the police.
- W-what do you mean?

- No, no, no. Listen to me!
- Oh my god, a doggy!

- I want you to--
- Barry, here's your tea.

Oh, Dad,
you like you got, like,

hit by a bus.

Something... Something
happen to you two?

No, your dad was helping me
with an audition,

and we both, uh, committed
a little too hard.

Uh, you said something
about the police?


Okay, cool.

I told that casting
director our story,

and he was so moved...

that he gave us both parts.

So, you're going to enjoy

everything that comes

with being given
a second chance.

Because if you don't...

this one...

and that one...

go away.

Do you understand?

I love you, Mr. Cousineau.

Do you love me?

Can you say it?

I love you, Barry.

Can you say it again?

♪ ♪