Barry (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
- You gotta take this class, bro!

Gene's teaching changed my life.

Folks, Ryan Madison... is dead.


- ♪
- _

- WOMAN: We've got two DDs in BMW.

They look Russian or Chechnyan.

MAN: Freeze, cop boy.

You killed two of my men.

One of them was best Chechnyan assassin.

Well he wasn't that great.


MAN: This hit is urgent.

I want you to do it, Barry.

Yes, or we kill him now.

If you hurt him, I'll come back here

and I'll kill every single one of you.


He cares about Fuches.

That's just nice.

ANNOUNCER: Viewer discretion is advised.


GENE: We all act
in our everyday lives.

The basketball player acts angry
to get the crowd to their feet.

The woman acts as if she's had a
climax with the incompetent lover.

We all act. But what
I want you to do

is simply identify,
moment to moment,

what you've been doing
subconsciously your whole life.

I remember once, Patrick
Swayze... a true friend

- until we had a falling out...

...and he had it
written into his will

that I was barred
from his funeral...



Hey, man. Are you seeing
this beautiful morning?


What are you doing? How are you?

What am I doing?

I'm set up to kill Paco
like you asked me to.

What do you mean, what am I doing?

Oh, right. Duh. Umm, here's the thing.

I need you to wait, Barry, just a
little bit longer for my signal.

Wait? For what? Wait...
What... What signal? Why?

Because we sent bullet to the Bolivians.

You sent a bullet to the
Bolivians? What, like in the mail?

DHL. It's actually really cool.

So, Paco is our informant
within the Bolivians.

We tell him, "Trust us. Tell
us everything you know."

He tell us, because he is stupid,

and now we have to kill him before
he tell other people he tell us.

Okay, what does that have
to do with mailing a bullet?

See, this way, we send
message to the Bolivians,

get inside their heads. They open mail.

Bullet. "What?"

Phone rings. "Hello?"

Paco's dead? [SHOCKED] What?"

Little "what" leads to
big "what" for full effect.

Hank, you can't do this
to me right now, all right?

I'm fully exposed here.
I gotta do this now.

All right? I gotta do it right now.

Well, when I get DHL confirmation...

all right, that's
when you kill Paco.

- Can you be a bro for me please?

Wait for high sign?

Hank, I got a clear shot of Paco right now.

I'm taking him. I'm not
waiting for some fucking bullet.

I'd rather you did, though.

- Oh my God.

[WHISPERS] I cannot fucking believe

you're doing this to me, man. Fuck you!

Fuck you and Pazar! Fuck you guys!

Mailing a bullet? What
fucking grade am I in, man?

You bald fuck. Fuck you, man.

Come on, you don't mean that.

Website says it's out for delivery,

so the bullet should be arriving
anytime between now and midnight.

Bolivian time. So just wait.

Because if you do not,

we do have Fuches here still with us,

and I would hate for
something to happen to him.

- I know you guys are best friends.

Barry? Hello?

He must have bad reception.

Did he ask how I was?

No, but he did seem weirdly frustrated.

FUCHES: Yeah, I couldn't help but overhear.

You mailed a bullet?

This Paco seems like a good informant.

Why kill him at all?

Look. The whole... [GROANS]

...mailing bullet concept

is something Goran's been
work-shopping for years now.

- Mmm.
- And I just think this time...

we can really stick the landing with Paco.

- PAZAR: Hank!

[LAUGHS] Hank. Hank.

I just get call from home.

- Okay.
- They are sending Lucky's replacement.


They are sending... Stovka.


- What? Oh my... Stovka?

He's coming here?

- Oh my God!
- Who's Stovka?

He is best assassin in history of Chechnya!


- Oh! Ow! Okay.
- A legend! Oh! Right, right.

It's still tender, but he is beyond legend.

Okay? He has taken out
whole armies by himself.

He must've murdered over... What, hundreds?

More. Way more. He is unreal.

- Simply unreal.
- HANK: Okay. When I was kid,

I saw him once walking out of discotheque.

He flicks cigarette at
bird, knocked it out of sky.

When will he be here?
Within hour they said.

Yeah, real quick. What does
this mean for me and Barry?

- We'll cross that bridge...
- We'll probably kill you.

- ...when we get there.
- But I haven't checked with Goran yet.


Now, the Spring Princess
gathers the fairy dust

for the Rainbow Festival!


Birthday girl.

Let's count her turns.

ALL: One, two,

- three, four...

- GIRLS: Five, six...
- Hold on.

- Hello?
- Sally, it's Mike.

How's my favorite almost-client?

Good, good, I'm great.

MIKE: You got an audition
this afternoon.

Uh, today? Oh wow.

Network. TV version of the Matt
Damon movie, We Bought a Zoo,

only instead of the dad,
it's a millennial girl.

They asked for you by name.

- They did? For the lead?
- ...18...

No, it's the role of a mom,

pivotal to the episode.

Cool. So like a millennial mom?

I don't know. I haven't read it.

Can I tell them you'll be there?

- Absolutely.
- ...24...

- MIKE: Great.
- ...25...

WOMAN: Sweetie!

- MAN: Rebecca! Rebecca!

- Shit. Oh, sorry.
- MAN: Are you all right, honey?

- WOMAN: Is she okay?
- SALLY: Oh my God.


You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Oh, fuck you.

This is so fucking stupid.



- HANK: Nice.

Nice. Great.

All right. That's enough. That's enough.

Come on, get out. Go, go, go.

- Back to work. Go.

HANK: This one's going on the wall.


Welcome to America.









You want coffee, something?

- Come inside.
- No.

I'd rather just sit here.

Okay. Uh... Oh!

[CHUCKLES] This...

was my father's.

I know he would've wanted you to have this.

First time in LA?

Yeah, I picked up on that,

what you and the big guy
were talking about there.

[SNIFFLES] When my partner
gets back, you're gonna...

kill us, yeah? Pop!

You know,

there's a version of this where...

you don't do that. [LAUGHS]

My whole life...

ever since a boy...

is death.

Well, you're a regular Family
Circus cartoon. [CHUCKLES]

Moss, Moss, Moss, Moss, Moss.

What, what, what, what, what?

I just talked to the manager of the gym...

- ...where Ryan Madison worked.
- Uh-huh?

And it turns out that Romeo Madison

was "training" Goran Pazar's wife.

- "Training."
- Oh shit.

- Like fucking her. Fucking.
- Motive.

So, we know why the
Chechens would kill Ryan.

But who killed the Chechens?

You know, I feel like the unknown

shooter's probably defending Ryan, right?

Well, he's probably someone
from the gym or the acting class,

'cause Ryan didn't have much life
outside of these two places, right?

All right, guys. Hopefully, you've
been working on your private spaces.

Nick, you're up.

Why don't you come up and amaze us all?

NICK: Okay.

GENE: Let's see your space.


[CHUCKLES] Wow. I'm in
my childhood bedroom.

[LAUGHING] Oh, look, here's the
ball from the championship game.


Oh, my play chest.




[SCOFFS] What are my
sister's dolls doing in here?

I think that's enough. Thank you.

I'm in my friend's zoo
with my 14-year-old son,

who's the same age I was when I had him.

My son is nervous, because
we've arrived at the ape pit.

Tell me, Sally,

what's in the ape pit?


Okay, Barry, yes, we have established

we're in your bedroom, so what do you see?


Toy chest? Don't use Nick's room.

The primary responsibility of any actor

is to create the reality
and let audience live there.

- Mm-hmm.
- So, where are we?


Anywhere. You've been somewhere.

Come on. Where have you been?

- Uh, grocery store.
- Are you asking me or you telling me?

No, I've been to a grocery store.

All right, we're in a grocery store.

All right, here we go. This is great.

What do you see up there on the shelves?

Gum. Gum is at the register, Barry.

All right? Here we go.

We're walking down the
aisle. Get your cart.

- Get your cart. All right?
- Pretend to do this?

- Do you feel... do you feel the handle?
- Yeah.

Here we go. Now, take a look around.

What do you see?


[CHUCKLES] You see soup. What kind of soup?

Umm... Chicken noodle?

- Consommé?
- I don't know.

- What do you mean you don't know?
- I don't know.

- Just look at the shelf.
- I can't.

- Why?
- Someone bought it?

No one bought it. That's a lie.

Take your hands out of
your pocket. Don't slouch.

You're stuck. Barry, I
need you to surrender.

No, no. Stay in place, don't move.

Take your hands out of your pocket.

Just... surrender.

Surrender to the soup, Barry.

- I don't know what that means.
- Let's pick a soup.

- I don't...
- Let's pick a soup.

Your favorite soup.

- I just like broth.
- I need help.

Kids, please.

What emotion do you associate with soup?

- Thirst?
- Thirst?

- SASHA: Thirst is not an emotion.
- SALLY: No.

What is your emotional connection to soup?

Like for me, I feel
like it's somehow related

to your relationship with your mom.

- Like, maybe there was sickness.
- SALLY: Sickness. Yes.

JERMAINE: Yeah, like
stomachache or the flu.

SALLY: Yeah.

- ANTONIO: Cancer. Yeah, dozens.
- NICK: There are so many cancers.

- Can we stay on topic?
- SASHA: Yeah, it's probably

- most likely about the mother, like...
- Excuse me.

I'm Detective Moss.
This is Detective Loach.

Lovely. We're in the middle of a class.

We would like to speak with
you all about Ryan Madison.

GENE: All right, let's take a hard five.

You think about... Take your
hands out of your pocket.

- [MUTTERS] Jesus.
- Think soup.

Let's do this in my office.

Stovka, let me tell you something.

You get on the 10 freeway,
it's the Christopher

Columbus Transcontinental Highway.

You can just drive and
become whoever you want to be.

This is the country that invented Superman.

[GASPS] And the women.

Oh my God, the women here!

Stovka, they would love
that accent of yours.

If... I know... I know a couple of gals

in Cleveland who would love to...

How... how old a guy are you, Stovka?


[LAUGHS] Jesus Christ.

Okay. Okay.

Uh, I... I know one gal...
There's nothing for me.

I had a wife,

a child.

But they leave me.

She say I'm broken.

You talk of freedom?

As long as I work for them, I never free.

It will always be the same.

My whole life...

ever since a child...

is death.

There is only

one true way out.

Yeah, I caught about half of that, Stov.

If you could take my cell phone
out of my... my pocket here,

I could show you one gal... she's Cherokee!

- She's really wild.



What did you do?


Okay, your name?

- Barry Berkman.
- Sasha Baxter.

- Sally Reed.
- And your occupation.

I'm an actor... [CHUCKLES]
and... and a barista.

- I'm an actress.
- I work in auto parts.

I manage three franchises of "Coors" gym.

- What?
- "Coors."

- LOACH: Coors?
- "Coors."

- LOACH: Coors?
- Curves.

- Oh, Curves. Right, Curves.
- Curves. The gym. The gym.

I just did this web series... well,
it wasn't... it wasn't a web series.

It was a YouTube video,
but, umm... but it's...

up to 249 views.

- Do you have any water?
- You seem a little nervous.

- Nope.
- Am I under oath?

- Did you kill him?
- No. [LAUGHS]

What? How? [CALMLY] How?


Can I have a little more?

What's your impression of Mr. Madison?

He was my best wingman.

He was the bait. I was the...

the stick to fish with.

He just seemed like a good dude.

Ryan and I did a bunch of scenes together.

We did Shakespeare in
Love. Have you seen that movie?


We did Breaking the Waves.
Have you seen that movie? Uh-uh.


We did Dogville.
Have you seen that movie?

- No. No, wait. I saw that one.
- Mm-mm.

JERMAINE: We did a scene
from True Blood,

he did a lot of talking, and I
didn't really get to say much.

Is there anything else you can think of

that would be helpful in the investigation?


Okay. So, thank you for
coming in, Mr. Berkman.

- Yeah? Okay. Thank you, guys.
- Yup, you're good.




Fucking idiot.

- Someplace else you need to be, Barry?
- No. No.

Hey, uh, Mr. Cousineau,

I'm really sorry about
my exercise in class.

I... I really... I couldn't see anything.

- Barry, you want to be an actor?
- Mm-hmm.

- You better get out of your own way.
- Okay.

Life is about taking a risk,
making the unsafe choice.


All right, here's a little
story just to illustrate.

I once auditioned for the guy that
robbed the house on Full House,

and I carried a loaded Beretta
with me into the audition

- just to feel the weight of it.

- Did you get the part?
- Oh, they freaked out.

Now look, you're in a shell.

You need to break out, and I've
got the perfect anecdote for you.

10cc's of pure Mamet.

- Mamet?
- Yeah, you're gonna play Blake

in Glengarry Glen Ross, the movie.

I'm gonna send you the pages.

Here's my only direction:

let the cat out.

- Good night.
- GENE: Good night.

- Hey, Barry.
- Hey.

- Hey. I booked an audition.
- Oh, cool.

Well, actually, Mike said that
the producers asked for me by name.

Oh wow. Wait, who's Mike?

- My agent.
- Oh.

Well, actually, he hip-pocketed me,

but once I book something,
he'll be my agent.

- That seems fair.
- Mmm. Can you drive me?

It would really help
to run lines in the car.


I can't.

Oh. Okay.

Well, how... How long will it take?

Not long. I promise.


- Hey, Detective.
- Mmm?

You know, I've done my
share of ride-alongs.

I know the ins and outs of your profession.

- Mm-hmm?
- From where I'm standing,

you check all the boxes.

What the fuck are you supposed to be?

I run this place.

[WHISPERS] I'm gonna call you.

FUCHES: I... I swear.

I... I was just making friendly chitchat.

I wasn't... I wasn't pulling
any Hannibal Lecter shit.

Why would he do this?

He was at top of his profession.


I cannot tell my family.

They will be very angry.

This might destroy us.

I can see you're feeling a bit insecure,

- and I'm surprised.

FUCHES: But, to be honest,

I find it refreshing you're
open with your feelings.

PAZAR: Nah. It is weak.


That's your family talking.

They clearly did a number on you.

No, what you need, if we're being honest,

is a world-class assassin,

and I happen to be very close with one.


That's your son? The little
boy who fell in the ape pit?


And when he was down there,
he learned a few things...

about how life doesn't
always go according to plan,

and when you need a friend,

sometimes you find one
in unexpected places.

- You're right.
- No. They're right.

These animals have so much to teach us.

They're... incredible creatures?

- Yeah.
- "Incredible" or "amazing"?

"They're amazing creatures."

They're amazing creatures.

Uninhibited, intuitive, empathetic.

- That was amazing.
- Thanks.

Hey, do you think...

You know, when Cousineau
sends me the Mamet stuff,

- do you think maybe you could help me...
- Sally?

We're ready for you now.

- With me luck.
- Good luck.

Hey, you'll wait for me, right?

Oh... uh, yeah. Sure.

Thank you. Hi.

- Hi.



- Hey, girl!
- Hi.

- [LAUGHS] Oh my gosh. It's so good...
- Hi.

Sally and I did six episodes

of this show about roller derby together.

- Sally here was the star.

You... you look great.

Thank you. Wow. I... wow.

- So do you.
- Oh, thanks.

- Skinny.

- So, what was the show?
- SALLY: Oh, you never heard of it.

- It never aired.
- It was really good.

We just got a little unlucky with
the timing of some world events.

Oh, that's too bad. What was it called?

Bonnie and the Boston Bombers.

Oh shit.

Yeah, it was tragic...
Both things, obviously.

- Super tragic. I...
- Super tragic.

[WHISPERS] So, wait, do you
work for the casting people now?


Wh... No, no, I'm... I'm on the show.

I'm the one who bought the zoo. [LAUGHS]


It's... [LAUGHS] It's...
You're the lead? It's your...

[LAUGHS] Wow. Wow!

That is... awesome.

[WHISPERS] Listen, so I asked
casting to bring you in for this.

- Mm-hmm.
- They did not think you were right...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...but I fought for you...


...because I really, really,
really want you to get this.

Thank you. [CHUCKLES]

Break a leg, okay?

That was your son?

What? The little boy
that fell in the ape pit?

Yeah. And when I was down there, I...

Oh. Sorry. Umm...

Yeah, and when he was down
there, he learned a few things...

about how life doesn't
always go according to plan,

and, umm...

I'm sorry, I know this. I...

About how life doesn't
always go according to plan,

um, and sometimes, when you need a friend,

you find one in unexpected places.

I'm really sorry. Umm...

Can we just... Can we start over?

FUCHES: Yeah, well, see, the thing is,

you're scattered, Goran.

You and your guys, you're all over the map.

What is it exactly... [GRUNTS]

- ...that you want?
- GORAN: I want what Bolivians have.

They have stash house in Sylmar
that I know makes so much money.

Bolivians. Aren't they those,
uh, short motherfuckers?

Statistically, one of
shortest nations on Earth,

but they are very mean.

So, they got a stash house you want,

then that's what you
should go after, the assets.

You're trying to create
a mood with a bullet.

Those are lateral moves.
This isn't theater.

- It's business.
- HANK: Yes!

DHL shows bullet was delivered

and signed for 10 minutes ago. [SIGHS]

See, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.

Hank. Leave.

What? Come on, man!

- This is the thing!
- Get out!

Let grown-ups talk.

I will go tell Barry then. Jeez Louise.

- Thank you.

Look, you want to get a man's attention,

take something away from him.

What, uh, what's this
Bolivian fella's name?

Cristobal Sifuentes.

He is... crazy man.

[LAUGHS] No. Don't sell
yourself short, big guy.

I mean, you... you were about
to take all my teeth out there.

You're a goofball too. [LAUGHS]

- Me?
- You're a goofball.

- I'm goofball?
- Yeah.

- Come on.
- So... do something goofy.

Take his stash house.

Then when he comes up here to LA

to deal with that, you kill him.

You could have Barry handle these things?

Look, what are we thinking
about this lock, huh?

Seems like a remnant.




- _



Oh. Hey.

- Are... are you okay?

Oh yeah, I had to cry for the scene, so.

Mom in zoo cries?

My son fell in an ape pit, Barry.


- It's okay.
- This day sucks.

I'm sorry.


Hey. Let's go do something.

Well, I'd, um... I'd love
to, but I gotta go to work.

I thought you gave notice.

I did, but, um, this delivery showed up

last second. I've gotta go take care of it.

Call in sick.

I can't.

That's okay. Sorry. I'm being a bitch.

- You gotta pay the bills, right?
- That's right. Fine.





[MUTTERS] Jesus fucking Christ.

- Yup?

HANK [ON PHONE]: Is it done?

"Is it done?" Hank, you know,

I can't just walk up to his front door

with a big fucking gun.
That would be stupid. Right?

- HANK: Okay.
- Look, I'm in position,

and, uh, you know, these things
take as long as they take.

- HANK: Okay.
- Okay? It's called being professional.

- Got it.
- Right.

- It's just that timing is key.
- Right.

Because to properly get into
someone's head, it is truly...


Hey, Sally. Cousineau
gave me this Mamet stuff,

- and it's got a lot of words.
- SALLY [ON PHONE]: I was Bonnie.

- Are we doing another scene?
- Liv was just one of the Bombers.

I was the lead on the TV
show. She was just supporting.

She was number five on
the fucking call sheet.


That was four fucking years ago, and
what, now she has her own fucking show?

How can she be a
millennial, and I'm a mom...

- [WHISPERS] Shit.
- ...when we're the same fucking age?

I mean, that doesn't even
make any fucking sense.

She was wearing a tube top.

Oh my God, it was so humiliating.

- Maybe I deserve it.
- [MUTTERS] Fuck.

Maybe I'm just a
shitty fucking actress.

What? No, you're... Come on.

Sally, you're like one of the
best actresses I've ever seen.

SALLY: Are you sure
you can't hang right now?

Look, I'd really like to, but I can't.

SALLY: I don't wanna be alone.

SALLY: Barry?

I'll be over in half an hour.










- No tienes que hacer esto!
- [MUTTERS] Shit.

PACO: No tienes que hacer esto!


- It's like a flannel...

- Anyway...
- PACO: No tienes que hacer esto!


No tienes que hacer esto!

No tienes que hacer esto!




SALLY [ON PHONE]: The more I think
about it, the more I think

that Liv planned that whole
thing just to embarrass me.

You know, she was
always such an operator,

and I'm not the only
one who felt that way.

All the Bombers, they all hated her.

We weren't supposed
to know this, but the

producer secretly got
her acting lessons.

- Yeah. I take them for the craft.


man, how's it going?

- It's done.
- HANK: Sitting on good news...

- Release Fuches.

know if you know this,

but you have herpes for life. Life.

That's why all those guys
keep breaking up with her.

I mean, she's the
common denominator.

I know I said she was the same age as me...


...but she's been fucking
lying about her age for years.

Yeah, my friend Amy,
one of the other Bombers,

she had a nightmare about her last night.

She has leukemia, that's...
You just passed my house.



Do you think I'm gonna be a star?

Like a movie star? Yeah.

You're, like, the best actress I've ev...


What kind of soup do you want?

- Lentil vegetable?
- Yeah. That's fine.

- All right, what else we got?
- Some gum?


- No tienes que hacer esto!


No... No tienes que hacer esto!

[WHISPERS] No tienes que hacer esto.

[SLEEPILY] Why did you say that?

Umm, do you know what it means?

Mmm. "You don't have to do this."

Yeah, I guess not.


♪ I was drowning out the night ♪

♪ With the last of the wine ♪

♪ And my story began to unwind ♪

♪ So I gathered all the shards ♪

♪ Of a glass from the bar ♪

♪ And I left from 17th Street ♪

♪ For St. Marks ♪

♪ Won't you listen to me now? ♪

♪ I was trying all the time ♪

♪ Maybe half the time ♪

♪ I got you right ♪

♪ But not tonight ♪

♪ Oh, I'll ♪

♪ Always be lonely ♪