Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 8, Episode 10 - The Clown - full transcript

OKAY, MR. KREBS... UH, BINGO.

OKAY. BINGO.

YOU WANT TO TELL ME
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, I WAS AT MY USUAL CORNER,

RIDING A UNICYCLE
AROUND IN CIRCLES

AND BALANCING A
CUSTARD PIE ON A STICK?

JUGGLING A COUPLE OF BANANAS

WHEN THIS GUY COMES
UP TO ME AND HE SAYS,

"HEY, BOZO. YOU GOT THE TIME?"

- UH-HUH.
- I SAID TO HIM, "SURE!"

NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M
SPRAWLED OUT ON THE SIDEWALK



AND HE'S HALFWAY DOWN THE STREET

WITH MY THANK-YOU DISH.

GOT AWAY WITH NEARLY 50 BUCKS.

I SEE.

HEY! HOW COME YOU
DIDN'T CHASE AFTER HIM

IN YOUR LITTLE CAR?

COME ON, YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WITH YOU AND ALL THE OTHER CLOWNS

KIND OF CRAMMED INSIDE?

I DON'T DRIVE.

OH.

PRETTY QUIET. IT'S
AFTER MIDNIGHT.

YEAH. IT SURE IS.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?

CRIME STATISTICS.



YOU NEED ANY HELP?

NO, THANKS. I GOT IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOKING FOR SOME
LEADS ON THOSE, UH...

WAREHOUSE BREAK-INS.

SOUNDS REAL INTERESTING.

IT'S VERY EXCITING.

WANT TO CALL LUGER? AND HANG UP?

- LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.
- ALL RIGHT.

OH, UH, BARNEY?

WILLIAM KREBS, A.K.A. BINGO.

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE WORLD?

I'M NOT SURE, MR. KREBS.

HE WAS, UM, HE WAS MUGGED

WHILE ENTERTAINING A
CROWD OF MOVIEGOERS

OUTSIDE THE TIVOLI
THEATER OVER ON HOUSTON.

SOUNDS LIKE OUR MAN, HUH?

WHAT MAN?

I'M AFRAID YOU WERE THE
THIRD CLOWN TO BE ASSAULTED

IN THIS PRECINCT IN
THE LAST TWO WEEKS.

I DIDN'T HAVE THE
HEART TO SAY IT.

UH, WELL...

THEY ALSO GOT A
MIME AND A JUGGLER,

COUPLE OF ONE-MAN BANDS.

YOU MEAN THERE'S SOME GUY
RUNNING AROUND OUT THERE

WHO ONLY PICKS
ON PEOPLE LIKE ME?

I'M AFRAID SO.

EVERYBODY LOVES
A CLOWN... RIGHT?

RIGHT?

SHOW HIM THE MUG BOOKS.

BARN?

GOT A DISTURBANCE IN A
CAFETERIA OVER ON CHRISTOPHER.

YOU AND DIETRICH.

- HEY, DIETRICH.
- HMM.

- WE GOT A CALL.
- OH, BOY.

MIDNIGHT MAIL CALL.

SHH!

IT WASN'T GONNA WALK UP.

I LIKE YOUR OUTFIT.

YEAH, RIGHT.

UH, GOT IT.

UH, BARNEY, LOOKS LIKE WE
GOT A WILD PARTY IN PROGRESS

OVER AT THE GREENWICH HOTEL,
YOU KNOW, BOOZE AND HOOKERS.

TAKE LEVITT.

OH, THANK YOU, SIR.

A PROBLEM, GENTLEMEN?

WELL, HARRIS GETS THE
PARTY AND THE CLOWN.

GET OUTTA HERE.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL CALL LUGER.

IS THIS COFFEE JUST FOR COPS?

HELP YOURSELF.

THANKS.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE WONDERING
HOW I BECAME A CLOWN.

UH, ACTUALLY, I...

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I USED
TO BE A CLAIMS ADJUSTER

FOR AN INSURANCE COMPANY.

WEEK IN AND WEEK
OUT FILLING OUT FORMS,

MEASURING DENTS,
HAVING TO TALK WITH PEOPLE

WHO WERE BASICALLY
VERY UNHAPPY, JUST LIKE ME.

I CAN IMAGINE.

AND THEN ONE MORNING, I WOKE UP.

I QUIT MY JOB. I LEFT MY
WIFE AND MY THREE KIDS.

AND I BECAME THIS...

BINGO, THE CLOWN WHO
BRINGS JOY AND LAUGHTER

TO A WORLD HUNGRY FOR BOTH.

ON BEHALF OF THE
ENTIRE PLANET, THANK YOU.

OKAY, MR. LANDRY,
RIGHT THIS WAY, PLEASE.

I HOPE YOU GUYS REALIZE
YOU HAVE RUINED MY PARTY.

OH, THAT'S OKAY. YOU
CAN CRY IF YOU WANT TO.

YOU WOULD CRY, TOO,
IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU.

I GOT THE ALBUM.

WHAT ALBUM?

UH, SIR, THIS IS
MR. ANDREW LANDRY.

CHARGES INCLUDE
DISTURBING THE PEACE,

DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY,

AND SOLICITATION
OF PROSTITUTION.

WHY, YOU MUST BE BARNEY.

I HEARD A LOT ABOUT
YOU IN THE CAR.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, WHEN WE GOT TO THE
HOTEL, UH, THE NIGHT CLERK

LED US DIRECTLY TO, UH,
MR. LANDRY'S HOSPITALITY SUITE.

WELL, WE FOUND OLD LANDRY, HERE.

HE WAS HOSTING A STAG FILM,

WHILE, UH, ASSORTED TROLLOPS
SERVED COCKTAILS TO THE GUESTS

AND, UM, THE FOOD FIGHT JUST
RAGED ON IN THE MASTER BEDROOM.

APPARENTLY THE FIRST
PIZZA ROLL WAS HURLED

WHEN THE BOYS FROM BED-STUY
ACCUSED MANHATTAN SOUTH

OF BEING A PANSY PRECINCT.

THERE WERE COPS THERE?

YEAH, ABOUT 30 OF THEM,
INCLUDING, UH, THESE TWO.

WELL, BARN, YOU SEE,
UM, UH, MR. LANDRY HERE...

HE'S, UH, IN TOWN REPRESENTING
THE BURGEONING METROPOLIS

OF MESA CITY, NEW MEXICO.

HE'S, UM, HE'S TRYING TO FIND
HIMSELF A POLICE DEPARTMENT.

A POLICE RECRUITER, SIR.

THANK YOU, LEVITT.

I'M SORRY IF THINGS GOT A
LITTLE OUT OF HAND, CAPTAIN,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW COPS
GET AFTER A COUPLE OF DRINKS.

NO, I DON'T.

OH.

WELL, THEN MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE TO SIT DOWN

AND HAVE A CHAT
OVER A CUP OF COFFEE.

MR. LANDRY, YOU DON'T...

YOU SEE, CAPTAIN, MESA CITY

IS NOT JUST ON THE
LOOKOUT FOR PATROLMEN.

MR. LANDRY...

WE ALSO HAVE SEVERAL
HIGH-PAYING POSITIONS OF LEADERSHIP

AVAILABLE FOR MEN
IN COMMAND POSITIONS.

BOOK HIM.

WHOO!

UH, MR. LANDRY.

I LIKE HIM.

OH, NO. HE'S... HE'S SPOKEN FOR.

- OH?
- YEAH.

YOU WANT TO JUST, UH...

BUT, NOW, HE'S AVAILABLE.

NOW, THE THING IS, SERGEANT,
MESA CITY OFFERS A UNIQUE BLEND

OF SOCIAL AND
CULTURAL OPPORTUNITIES

THAT IS TAILOR-MADE FOR
THE YOUNG MAN ON THE GO.

HMM. AND YOU'RE
GOING IN THE CAGE.

I MEAN, WE HAVE
OUR OWN SYMPHONY,

THE JUBILEE DINNER
THEATER AND BALLET,

SEVERAL PROMINENT
ART GALLERIES, A RODEO.

OH, YAHOO.

INSIDE.

BUT, UH, BUT ON A MORE
PERSONAL NOTE, SERGEANT,

AS A MINORITY MEMBER,

YOUR OPPORTUNITIES IN REGARD
TO COMMUNITY LEADERSHIP

AND RAPID ADVANCEMENT
WITHIN THE DEPARTMENT

ARE VIRTUALLY LIMITLESS.

SO I'D BE IT, HUH?

WELL, I'LL HAVE TO CHECK THAT.

MM-HMM.

SIR, YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

UH, YES, LEVITT.
COME IN. COME IN.

SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN, SIR?

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

IT'S MY MOTHER, ISN'T IT? HUH?

MY DEAF SISTER.

LEVITT, LEVITT, TAKE
IT EASY. TAKE IT EASY.

IT'S JUST ABOUT
THE MEDAL OF VALOR.

OH?

YEAH, I, UH, I OPENED THE MAIL.

I CAME ACROSS THIS LETTER
FROM THE CITATION BOARD.

WAS THE, UH, MEDAL
ENCLOSED, SIR?

YOU'RE NOT GETTING
THE MEDAL, CARL.

THEY TURNED YOU DOWN.

DIDN'T YOU TELL THEM I
SAVED THE LIFE OF A SMALL BOY

AT CONSIDERABLE RISK TO MY OWN?

WELL AWARE OF THAT.

OH.

WELL, THEN, DID THEY
OFFER A PARTICULAR REASON,

OR ARE THEY JUST
KISSING ME OFF FOR KICKS?

I'LL READ YOU EXACTLY
WHAT THEY WROTE.

"BOARD ACKNOWLEDGES
THAT THE ACTIONS

"TAKEN BY OFFICER CARL
LEVITT ON NOVEMBER 12, 1981,

"WERE NOTEWORTHY,

"WELL IN KEEPING WITH THE
HIGH LEVEL OF EXCELLENCE

"MAINTAINED BY THE NEW
YORK CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT.

HOWEVER, REQUEST DENIED."

WELL, THAT
CERTAINLY EXPLAINS IT.

Wojo: GET INSIDE.
GET INSIDE. GET INSIDE.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

HEY, A CLOWN. IS HE FOR US?

STICK WITH YOUR PARTY.

WHAT WITH MY NEBULOUS
STATUS TO BEGIN WITH, AND NOW...

EXCUSE ME.

UH, THERE'S SOMETHING OUT HERE
I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT.

EXCUSE ME, LEVITT.

IT'S OKAY, SIR.

I'LL JUST SIT HERE QUIETLY AND
MAINTAIN MY LEVEL OF EXCELLENCE.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO WE GOT?

GILBERT DOYLE, EDWARD
CRENSHAW, AND VINCENT ROYER.

YOUR BOYS DIDN'T EVEN
LET US FINISH OUR DINNER.

ME TOO.

BARN, WHEN WE GOT
TO THE CAFETERIA,

THERE WAS ABOUT 20 OF
THESE CREEPS GOING CRAZY

IN THE FOOD LINE,
STEALING TRAYS,

NOT PAYING FOR THEM,
TIPPING OVER TABLES,

PUSHING PEOPLE AROUND.

HEY, WE WERE CELEBRATING.

WHAT WERE YOU CELEBRATING?

WE JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL.

TODAY? TONIGHT.

TONIGHT?

AN HOUR AGO.

IT'S 2:00 IN THE MORNING.

THEY WOKE ME UP.

UH, BARNEY, THERE'S
AN ASSAULT IN PROGRESS

AT THE MAGNOLIA
THEATER OVER ON 3rd.

THAT'S MR. JINGLES' CORNER.

ALL RIGHT. YOU AND, UH...

I'LL GO, SIR. THANK YOU, LEVITT.

AND WHEN I GET BACK, YOU CAN
BEGIN TO PROCESS MY RESIGNATION.

I'M QUITE SURE
THEY'LL APPROVE THAT.

Landry: UH, EXCUSE ME.

OKAY, COWBOY, YOU GOT A DEAL.

GREAT.

LEVITT. LEVITT!

ALL RIGHT, LET'S
GET ON WITH THIS.

WHAT'S WITH THESE GUYS?

WHAT'S WITH LEVITT?

WOJO.

BARN, YOU MUST
HAVE DONE SOMETHING.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

THEY TURNED DOWN HIS MEDAL.

OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.

WHAT MEDAL?

CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS, PLEASE?

YEAH, SURE. OKAY.

ACCORDING TO THESE GUYS, THEY
WERE ALL DOING TIME AT RIKERS

UNTIL ABOUT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT,

WHEN THE GUARDS CAME UP AND
TOLD THEM TO PACK THEIR GEAR.

THE BUSES WERE WAITING.

IT WAS REALLY WEIRD.

I MEAN, I'M RELAXING IN MY CELL,

FIGHTING WITH THIS DOPE
DEALER OVER MY BLANKET.

NEXT THING I KNOW, BOOM,
I'M BEING PILED IN A BUS

WITH 100 OTHER CONS.

THEY DUMPED US ON WALL STREET.

IT WAS MADISON, FRUIT BALL.

OH.

I SAW A WALL.

THAT'S WHEN A BUNCH OF THEM

DECIDED TO
CELEBRATE BASTILLE DAY

BY WRECKING THE CAFETERIA.

WHEN WE GOT THERE,
THEY ALL SCATTERED.

THESE WERE THE ONLY
THREE WE COULD GRAB.

YEAH, LUCKY US.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S START
PROCESSING THEM.

DIETRICH, GET ON
TO RIKERS ISLAND.

SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
OUT WHAT'S HAPPENING.

RIGHT. VINNY, COME ON.

DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE
TO FINISH MY SENTENCE?

HEY, MAN, SHUT UP.

YOUR WHAT?

WELL, I COULD BE WRONG,

BUT ACCORDING TO MY
CALENDAR, I SHOULD STILL BE IN JAIL.

ME TOO.

REALLY?

WELL, I HAD ONLY ABOUT
THREE MONTHS TO GO.

DIETRICH.

I'M ON IT, BARN.

ALL RIGHT, WOJ.

ALL RIGHT, GET OVER TO THE
DESK. PUT OUT YOUR VALUABLES.

WE KNOW THE PROCEDURE.

THEN GET ON IT.

BARN?

UH, THIS THING WITH LEVITT.

OH, WOJO, PLEASE. NOT NOW.

OKAY, THEN WHO IS THIS GUY?

ANDREW LANDRY,
LAND OF ENCHANTMENT.

YOU, UH... YOU LIKE TURQUOISE?

EXCUSE ME.

SO THEN, AROUND '65, I
COULDN'T MAKE UP MY MIND

WHETHER I WANTED TO GO
STRAIGHT INTO MED SCHOOL

OR WORK IN A HOSPITAL FIRST,
GET SOME PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE.

UH-HUH.

SO I ROBBED A SHOE
STORE AND BOUGHT DRUGS.

YEAH. THAT'S GREAT.

UH, GOT STATEMENTS
FROM DOYLE AND CRENSHAW,

SLAPPED THEM IN THE CAGE.

I PUT IN THAT CALL TO RIKERS.

THE GUY SHOULD BE
COMING DOWN SOON.

ALL RIGHT.

SOMETHING ELSE?

YEAH, WELL... YEAH, WELL...

THINKING ABOUT, UH, LEVITT...
THE MEDAL AND ALL THAT.

YEAH.

IT'S ALL POLITICS, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

YOU THINK HE'S GONNA QUIT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HOW ABOUT THAT
LIBYAN HIT TEAM, HUH?

I'M JUST TRYING TO
LIGHTEN THINGS UP.

CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, GORDON KAISER, NEW YORK
CITY DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS.

DID YOU CALL ME?

I DID.

I'M SERGEANT DIETRICH.

SERGEANT, GORDON KAISER,

NEW YORK CITY DEPARTMENT
OF CORRECTIONS.

RIGHT. YOU KNOW
ANY OF THESE GUYS?

WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I REALLY
CAN'T BE SURE. I JUST WOKE UP.

HOLD ON. I'LL GET THE CAPTAIN.

HI, MR. KAISER.

WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING IN THERE?

WRECKED A RESTAURANT.

WHAT? IT HAPPENS.

BUT YOU PROMISED
ME YOU'D BE GOOD.

YOU'D GET ON A
BUS AND DISAPPEAR.

AW, HOW ABOUT THAT?

MR. KAISER, I'M CAPTAIN MILLER.

CAPTAIN MILLER, IT'S A PLEASURE.

WELL, WHAT SEEMS
TO BE THE PROBLEM?

WELL, ACCORDING
TO THESE GENTLEMEN,

THEY WERE YANKED
OUT OF JAIL, PUT ON A BUS,

AND DUMPED IN THE
MIDDLE OF MANHATTAN.

AH. AH. THAT'S TRUE.

THAT'S TRUE, BUT NOT
ENTIRELY ACCURATE.

UH, COULD WE TALK
SOMEWHERE IN PRIVATE?

UH, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME, SERGEANTS.

YOU GUYS HAVEN'T EVEN
TOUCHED MY BROCHURE.

WELL, WE, UH, WE'VE BEEN BUSY.

OH. I READ MINE!

THE POINT IS, CAPTAIN,

WHAT WITH RIKERS BEING SO
HOPELESSLY OVERCROWDED AS IT IS,

WE DECIDED THAT IT WOULD
BE A VERY INNOVATIVE CONCEPT

TO, UH, PRUNE BACK ON OUR
MISDEMEANOR OFFENDERS.

"PRUNE BACK"?

YOU KNOW, UH, GRANTING EARLY
RELEASES TO PURSE SNATCHERS,

SECOND-STORY MEN,
PETTY THIEVES, ET CETERA.

AND THEREBY MAKING
VALUABLE CELL SPACE AVAILABLE

FOR THE FAR MORE DESPICABLE
AND DESERVING CRIMINALS.

IF THIS IS SUCH A
GREAT IDEA, MR. KAISER,

WHY'D YOU SNEAK THEM OUT
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

SENTIMENTAL REASONS.

LOOK, CAPTAIN...

MR. KAISER, WHAT IS
IT YOU WANT OF ME?

IT'S NO BIG THING.

IF YOU COULD JUST SEE YOURSELF
CLEAR TO LET THOSE BOYS GO.

JUST IGNORE THE CHARGES?

JUST FORGET ABOUT THE FACT

THAT THEY PRACTICALLY
DESTROYED A RESTAURANT?

OKAY.

CAPTAIN, I DON'T THINK YOU
FULLY APPRECIATE MY SITUATION.

NOW, IF THIS LITTLE INCIDENT OUT
HERE EVER LEAKS TO THE PRESS,

IT WILL NOT ONLY
PROVE EMBARRASSING,

BUT MAY JEOPARDIZE AN
OTHERWISE VERY PROGRESSIVE

AND SUCCESSFUL PROGRAM.

ARE YOU TELLING ME
YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE?

MAYBE.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
DUNCAN. STEP INSIDE HERE.

WEREN'T YOU IN CHARGE LAST TIME?

JUST GET IN HERE.

THAT'S HIM. THAT'S THE
GUY WHO ROBBED ME.

HEY, YOU MUST BE MISTAKING
ME FOR SOME OTHER CLOWN.

CLOWN!

OOH, SORRY.

CAPTAIN, IF YOU COULD
JUST, FOR A MOMENT,

PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES.

WRONG SIZE, MR. KAISER.

WHAT?

UH, BARN.

YEAH?

YOU, UH, YOU REMEMBER
ARTHUR DUNCAN HERE.

BACK AGAIN, DUNCAN?

WHAT WAS IT LAST TIME?

RIPPING OFF THE SALVATION
ARMY, WASN'T IT? MM-HMM.

AND BEFORE THAT, UH...

ASSAULTING THE HANDICAPPED.

RIGHT.

SO, YOU'RE ALL LOOKING WELL.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, WHEN WE DROVE UP
IN FRONT OF THE THEATER,

WE FOUND ARTHUR HERE
PINNED AGAINST THE TICKET BOOTH

BY ONE MR. JINGLES AND
WOOF-WOOF THE WONDER DOG.

YEAH, A GREAT DANE
WEARING A DERBY...

VERY FUNNY.

SO YOU'RE UP TO CLOWNS
NOW, HUH, DUNCAN?

WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT.

MY... MY FATHER NEVER
TOOK ME TO THE CIRCUS.

WELL, MAYBE IT
WAS THE BOAT SHOW.

TAKE HIS STATEMENT.

UH, CIRCUS BOY, TAKE A
SEAT OVER THERE, HUH?

YEAH, SURE. RIGHT.

SIR, IF YOU WON'T BE NEEDING
ME FOR ANYTHING ELSE. LEVITT.

OFFICER LEVITT, IF YOU'D
LIKE TO GET THE BALL ROLLING,

YOU CAN FILL OUT
THE JOB APPLICATION.

LANDRY, WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP?!

UM, CAPTAIN.

NOT NOW, MR. KAISER, PLEASE!

SIR, SIR, I DON'T MIND. I
GOT SOME PAPERWORK.

PENCIL OKAY?

Landry: FINE.

AS I WAS ABOUT TO SAY, CAPTAIN,
I JUST SPOKE TO THE BOYS.

NOW, THEY'VE GIVEN
ME EVERY ASSURANCE

THAT IF YOU RELEASE
THEM IN MY CUSTODY,

THEY PROMISE TO
STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT.

BARNEY, I JUST
CHECKED OUT THE BOYS.

TWO OF THEM, ROYER AND DOYLE...

THEY'RE BOTH
SHORT-TIME BURGLARS.

THIS GUY ON THE LEFT, CRENSHAW,

KNOCKED OFF A BRINK'S
TRUCK A MONTH AGO.

HE'S DOING 10 YEARS.

WHAT?

REALLY?

YEAH, I JUST GOT IN LINE.

WELL, THAT IS A TURN OF EVENTS,

BUT I SEE NO REASON WHY
ONE SLIGHT LITTLE OVERSIGHT

SHOULD DETER YOU FROM
RELEASING THE OTHER FINE MEN.

SURE, WHY NOT?

WOJO, TURN THEM LOOSE.

WHO?

ALL OF THEM.

ALL OF...

ALL OF THEM! COME
ON! TURN THEM LOOSE!

YOU TOO, MR. DUNCAN.
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

WHY NOT? WHY NOT?!

THEY'RE GONNA BE OUT OF HERE
IN A COUPLE OF DAYS ANYWAY!

LET'S FACE IT, WOJO.

ALL WE'RE DOING UP HERE
IS SPINNING OUR WHEELS,

PRETENDING THAT WHAT
WE DO MEANS SOMETHING,

AND IT MEANS NOTHING!

AND WHY?

SOMEBODY EXPLAIN
WHY. WHY DO WE DO IT?

THE RESPECT?

RECOGNITION?

THAT WONDERFUL FEELING
OF ACHIEVEMENT WE GET

AS WE WATCH A BUNCH OF PUNKS

LAUGHING THEIR WAY
THROUGH THE SYSTEM?

SIR, IF IT'LL MAKE THINGS ANY
BETTER AROUND HERE, I'LL STAY.

NO, LEVITT, I THINK
YOU SHOULD GO.

I REALLY DO. I THINK
WE SHOULD ALL GO.

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL JUST
PACK UP AND GET OUT OF HERE!

LEAVE THIS STINKING CITY TO
GO TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET,

BECAUSE, LET'S FACE
IT, WE'RE IN THE WAY!

BARNEY, I GOT
DISPATCH ON THE LINE.

ABOUT 15 GUYS JUST CRASHED AN
AFTER-HOURS CLUB OVER ON 19th.

REALLY?

BARNEY, WE STILL HERE?

YEAH, THAT'S EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

GOOD FOR YOU, BARN.

COME ON, DUNCAN,
LET'S GO. GET IN THE CAGE.

LET'S GET SOME CARS.

NICE SPEECH, BARN.

Harris: COME ON. COME ON.

SIR, YOU'RE NOT GETTING
RID OF ME THAT EASY.

I'M GONNA GO DOWNSTAIRS
AND GRAB SOME UNIFORMS.

HELL IN A HANDBASKET?

IT'S LATE.

CAPTAIN, MAYBE I BETTER GO
DOWN WITH THEM JUST IN CASE.

I'D APPRECIATE THAT, MR. KAISER.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.

GOD, YOU'RE GOOD.

THING IS, I'VE ALREADY BROUGHT SO
MUCH HAPPINESS AND GOOD CHEER

TO THE PEOPLE OF THIS CITY,

IT OCCURRED TO ME...

MAYBE IT'S ONLY
FAIR THAT I MOVE ON

AND BRING MY GIFT OF SUNSHINE
TO OTHER PEOPLE IN OTHER PLACES.

UH-HUH.

WHERE'D YOU SAY YOU WERE FROM?

BALTIMORE.

OH.

WE'RE BACK.

ALL RIGHT, INSIDE, HARRIS.

- HEY.
- IT'S HABIT.

HOW'D IT GO?

WAS THE SAME CROWD
FROM THE CAFETERIA,

SO WE, UH, BUSTED IN,
WE ROUNDED THEM UP,

AND WE HEADED THEM OUT.

I READ THE BROCHURE.

THE, UM, PADDY WAGON TOOK
THEM ALL OVER TO MANHATTAN SOUTH,

AND, UH, MR. KAISER JUST
WENT ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

FINE.

LOOK, UH, IT'S ALMOST
THE END OF THE SHIFT.

UH, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
RUN THAT BUNCH DOWNTOWN

AND HEAD ON HOME?

ALL RIGHT.

UH, SIR, I'D LIKE
TO SAY SOMETHING

BEFORE WE ADJOURN INTO THE DAWN.

YES, LEVITT.

WELL, IT'S JUST, UH, I
THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US

WHEN I SAY THAT NO
MATTER HOW TEDIOUS

OR FRUSTRATING OR UNREWARDING
THE JOB MAY SEEM AT TIMES,

IT'S THE PRIVILEGE OF
SERVING UNDER AN OFFICER

OF YOUR CALIBER AND DEDICATION

THAT SOMEHOW MAKES THE WHOLE
WACKY BALL OF WAX WORTHWHILE.

RIGHT, GUYS?

YEAH, RIGHT, LEVITT.

I GOT NOTHING TO ADD.

I COULDN'T HAVE SAID
IT BETTER MYSELF.