Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 7, Episode 22 - Liquidation - full transcript

- OH. GOOD MORNING, BARNEY.
- MORNING.

- GOOD MORNING, WOJO.
- MORNING.

UH, DIETRICH AND LEVITT
WENT OUT ON A CALL,

AND, UH, I FINISHED THE
QUARTERLY MANPOWER STATS.

THEY'RE IN ON YOUR DESK.

WELL, THANK YOU.

- HARRIS?
- HMM?

AREN'T YOU APPEALING TODAY?

THANK YOU.

I THINK YOU ARE, TOO.

I WAS REFERRING TO
YOUR $320,000 JUDGMENT.



OH, YOU MUST MEAN

THE ONE I'VE BEEN TRYING
NOT TO THINK ABOUT.

MM-HMM.

YEAH, WELL, THE
DECISION ON THE APPEAL

IS GONNA COME DOWN TODAY.

HOW'S IT LOOK?

WELL, I'M NOT WORRIED.

YOU KNOW, EVEN IF I LOSE
TODAY, I CAN JUST APPEAL AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, KEEP DRAGGING IT
THROUGH THE COURTS FOR YEARS,

AND IN THE MEANTIME, WHO KNOWS?

I MEAN, RIPNER COULD
HAVE A MASSIVE CORONARY

OR DIE IN AN AVALANCHE.

HE DOESN'T STRIKE
ME AS THE SKIING TYPE.

I'VE BEEN SENDING HIM BROCHURES.



OKAY, MR. GOLDEN. INSIDE.

WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE, HUH?

TELLING ME WHERE TO
GO AND WHAT TO DO?

GET IN THERE AND BE QUIET.

I WAS JUST ASKING.

WHAT DO WE GOT?

CAPTAIN, THIS IS MARTIN GOLDEN.

CHARGES INCLUDE TRESPASSING,

DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE
PROPERTY, AND AGGRAVATED ASSAULT.

I MAY NOT LOOK LIKE MUCH,

BUT I USED TO BE
AN AIR RAID WARDEN.

MR. GOLDEN TOOK UMBRAGE

WHEN HE WAS DENIED PERMISSION

TO CUT THROUGH THIS
CONSTRUCTION SITE

ON HIS WAY TO WORK.

I HAVE A NEWSSTAND
ON THE OTHER SIDE.

A COUPLE OF HARD HATS CAUGHT
HIM WITH A COMPANY CROWBAR,

PRYING HIS WAY
THROUGH THE FENCE.

WHEN THEY TRIED TO STOP
HIM, HE TOOK A SWING AT THEM.

THE OWNERS ARE SENDING
SOMEONE DOWN TO SIGN A COMPLAINT.

- OKAY, UH...
- THE WHOLE THING
IS UNFAIR!

FOR 20 YEARS, I HAD A PERFECTLY
VACANT LOT TO WALK ACROSS,

AND NOW, BOOM.

IN ONE DAY, AS IF IT
FELL FROM THE SKY,

I GOT A BUNCH OF ROUGHNECKS
PUTTING UP A BUILDING.

THAT'S PROGRESS.

YOU'RE VERY WISE.

BOOK HIM.

I'M TELLING YOU, SERGEANT,

I'M TOO OLD TO CHANGE MY WAYS.

MM-HM.

ANYWAY, I CAN'T WALK
DOWN THAT STREET.

THE HOOKERS WON'T
LEAVE ME ALONE.

- OH, YEAH?
- THEY LOVE TO HARASS ME.

"THEY, STUD, WANT A PARTY?

LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME?"

TELL ME, SERGEANT,

DO I LOOK LIKE I'M
LOOKIN' FOR A GOOD TIME?

NOT TO ME.

DO YOU HAVE ANY
DISTINGUISHING MARKS OR SCARS?

I HAVE A BAD BACK.

I'M SORRY.

BEEN THAT WAY EVER
SINCE I WAS LITTLE.

MY PARENTS WOULD NEVER ADMIT IT,

BUT UNDERSTAND THAT I
WAS DROPPED AT MY BRIS.

COULD'VE BEEN WORSE.

♪ YOU'RE THE COPS, SO
YOU CUFFED MY HANDSIES ♪

♪ I'M A WORTHLESS CHECK ♪

♪ I'M A TOTAL WRECK ♪

♪ I'M A FLOP ♪

WALTER, JUST HOLD IT FOR
JUST A SECOND, ALL RIGHT?

- YOU'RE THE COP.
- THANKS.

WHAT'S THIS?

BARN, THIS IS WALTER CUSHING.

THIS IS CAPTAIN MILLER.

♪ GETTING TO KNOW YOU,
GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT... ♪

HEY.

♪ YOU ♪

WHAT IS THIS?

WE PICKED HIM UP AT SIEGEL'S,

SINGING AWAY IN THE
HOUSEWARES DEPARTMENT.

I WAS OPENING UP. I
WAS REACHING OUT.

YEAH, SEE, HE'S TAKING
THIS KIND OF THERAPY

WHERE THEY TEACH YOU
TO LOSE YOUR INHIBITIONS

BY SINGING IN PUBLIC.

ACCORDING TO WITNESSES,

THERE WAS A BIG CROWD WATCHING
THE YOGHURT MAKER DEMONSTRATION

WHEN MR. CUSHING
APPROACHED THE LADY IN CHARGE

AND WENT INTO A CHORUS OF

"HEY, GOOD LOOKIN',
WHAT YOU GOT COOKIN'?"

ACTUALLY YOGHURT IS FERMENTED,

BUT THERE'S NO SONG FOR IT.

ANYWAY, HE STARTED
DRIVING PEOPLE AWAY

SO THE MANAGER TOLD HIM TO STOP,

AND HE JUST KEPT ON GOING.

SEE, IN THE MOVIES,

WHEN PEOPLE USED
TO START SINGING,

EVERYBODY WOULD JOIN IN.

IN REAL LIFE THEY JUST LOOK
AT YOU LIKE YOU'RE CRAZY.

THEY'RE PRESSING CHARGES?

CREATING A
DISTURBANCE, LOITERING,

AND CONSPIRACY
WITH INTENT TO ANNOY.

ALL RIGHT, MR. CUSHING.
HAVE A SEAT OVER HERE.

WHAT FOR?

WE'RE GONNA NEED
FURTHER INFORMATION.

- UH, BARN?
- YEAH?

COURT CONVENES IN AN HOUR,

SO I GUESS I BETTER
TAKE OFF NOW.

HEY... GOOD LUCK.

THANK YOU.

LISTEN, OFFICIALLY, I'M
DUE BACK AT 4:00, RIGHT?

4:00.

TRY AND HAVE HIM OUT
OF HERE BY THEN, OKAY?

YOU SEE, SERGEANT, AS CHILDREN,

WE WERE CAPABLE OF
COMPLETE SPONTANEITY.

WE DANCED, WE LAUGHED, WE SANG,

EXPRESSED WHATEVER WE FELT

REGARDLESS OF WHAT
ANYONE ELSE THOUGHT.

YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT.

BUT AS WE GROW OLDER,

WE'RE EXPECTED TO
SUPPRESS OUR FEELINGS.

YOU KNOW, ACT YOUR AGE, GROW UP.

BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY...

UNTIL OUR LIVES
BECOME NOTHING MORE

THAN AN EMOTIONAL MONOTONE.

IN THE CAGE.

DON'T YOU SEE, SERGEANT?

THROUGH THE MAGIC OF SINGING,
YOU CAN RENEW YOUR SPIRIT,

RISE ABOVE THE MUCK AND
MIRE OF THIS THING CALLED LIFE.

REJUVENATE, CELEBRATE!

COME ON.

♪ THE HILLS ARE ALIVE
WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC ♪

EVERYBODY!

♪ WITH SONGS THEY HAVE
SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪

♪ THE HILLS FILL MY HEART
WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC ♪

♪ MY HEART WANTS TO
SING EVERY SONG IT HEARS ♪

EXCUSE ME.

I CHECKED MR. GOLDEN
FOR PRIORS. HE'S CLEAN.

OKAY.

ALSO STARTED DOING A
LITTLE RESEARCH ON HIS CLAIM.

WHAT CLAIM?

HIS RIGHT TO WALK
ACROSS THAT LOT.

THERE'S SOME VERY
INTERESTING LAWS IN THAT AREA.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

IT'S ME, BOO BOO.

HEY, HARRIS.

WOJO!

YOU BIG LUG.

HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING,
LITTLE LEVITT?

I'M BACK, BARNEY.

ARE YOU DRUNK?

UH-HUH.

HOW'D IT GO IN COURT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M DOING WHAT I
DO EVERY MORNING.

PEGGED IN... I-I-I
HUNG UP MY COAT,

AND I AM FIXING MY MORNING TEA.

THAT'S COFFEE.

OOH.

TEA AND COFFEE...
THAT MAKES IT TOFFEE.

BARN, YOU WANT A
LITTLE SIP OF TOFFEE?

OH, COME ON, COME
ON. DON'T MAKE FACES.

COME ON, COME ON.

HARRIS, WHAT HAPPENED?

OH.

WE WERE ALL SITTING AROUND
THERE IN THE COURTROOM.

THEN THE JUDGE STROLLED IN.

SO, WE ALL STOOD UP, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, IT'S REQUIRED, YOU KNOW?

AND THEN HE GAVE
DOWN HIS DECISION.

WHICH WAS?

HE SAID THAT...

I CAN'T
BE APPEALING ANYMORE.

DOES THAT MEAN RIPNER'S
GONNA GET ALL THE MONEY?

MMM.

"THE DEFENDANT,
RONALD NATHAN HARRIS,

"IS HEREBY DIRECTED
TO GIVE TO THE PLAINTIFF,

"ARNOLD 'MR.
POTATO HEAD' RIPNER,

THE TOTAL OF $320,000."

SO, I SAID TO THE JUDGE,
"HEY, GUESS WHAT.

I HAVEN'T GOT IT."

SO, HE SAID TO ME, "GUESS WHAT.

YOU BETTER GET IT."

AND THAT'S WHEN I
STARTED TO FIND OUT

ABOUT SUPPLEMENTAL PROCEEDINGS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
SUPPLEMENTAL PROCEEDINGS IS?

NO, WHAT?

IT'S WHEN I HAVE TO
SHOW UP FIRST THING

BRIGHT AND EARLY
TOMORROW AFTERNOON

WITH EVERYTHING THAT
I OWN IN THIS WORLD.

OH, BOY.

SO, ANYWAY, UH...
I WAS, YOU KNOW,

I WAS GETTING ALL THAT
STUFF TOGETHER AT HOME,

AND I RAN ACROSS THOSE
TWO BOTTLES OF LAFITTE '29.

REMEMBER?

I BOUGHT THEM AT
A WINE AUCTION...

THREE YEARS AGO.

YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOW
WORTH 2,000 FOR ONE OF THEM.

SO I SAID TO MYSELF,

"NO WAY AM I GONNA
LET THIS BOURGEOIS BOZO

SUCK UP MY FINE FRENCH GRAPE."

SO, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW
WHAT I DID WITH THAT WINE?

I COULD HAZARD A GUESS.

I POURED IT DOWN THE SINK...

WHILE I DRANK A WHOLE
BOTTLE OF REALLY CHEAP GIN.

ALL RIGHT, HARRIS, COME ON.

BARNEY, BARNEY, IT'S OKAY.

I KNOW WE ALL GOT WORK TO DO.

AND DON'T WORRY.

I, UH, I GOT SOME LEADS TO
FOLLOW ON A CRIME CASE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

- WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME
YOUR GUN?
- HUH?

YOUR GUN.

CAN I HAVE IT?

WHAT FOR?

FOR OLD TIMES.

OH.

UH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
GIVE IT TO RIPNER, ARE YOU?

PROMISE.

COME WITH ME.

WE'RE GONNA GO INTO MY OFFICE,

AND WE'RE GONNA LIE DOWN.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

TOGETHER?

LITTLE LEVITT.

HERE YOU GO.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST REST UP HERE

FOR A LITTLE BIT, HUH?

TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL JUST REST UP
HERE FOR A LITTLE BIT,

AND THEN I'LL BE
READY FOR ACTION.

OKAY, HERE YOU GO.

OH, BARNEY, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

HEY, YOU JUST GO
ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS,

JUST PRETEND LIKE I'M NOT HERE.

OH, THE HORROR.

THE HORROR.

YES, SIR. CAN I HELP YOU?

JASON PARRISH, LIBERTY BELL
DEVELOPMENT COOPERATION.

I'M SERGEANT DIETRICH.

I TAKE IT YOU'RE HERE
TO SEE MR. GOLDEN.

YEAH, WHERE DO I SIGN?

- YOU MEAN THE COMPLAINT?
- YES, SERGEANT.

AND I'M IN A LITTLE BIT OF A
HURRY, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I UNDERSTAND
THAT, BUT, UH, LISTEN.

I DID A LITTLE CHECK
ON MR. GOLDEN.

THE MAN HAS NEVER EVEN
HAD A PARKING TICKET.

GOOD FOR YOU.

SO, WHERE DO I SIGN?

I'M SURE IF YOU AGREE
TO DROP THE CHARGES,

MR. GOLDEN WOULD PROMISE

NEVER TO SET FOOT ON
YOUR PROPERTY AGAIN, RIGHT?

SERGEANT, I'M JUST CARRYING OUT

THE INSTRUCTIONS OF THE OWNERS.

SURE, I UNDERSTAND THAT,

BUT I'M SURE IF YOU CALLED THEM,

THEY'D UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION.

I WOULD, BUT I'M NOT EVEN SURE

THAT THERE'S AN
INTERPRETER AVAILABLE.

AN INTERPRETER?

LIBERTY BELL IS A MULTINATIONAL
INVESTMENT SYNDICATE

MADE UP OF FRENCH, WEST
GERMAN, AND KUWAITI INTERESTS.

OH, I SHOULD HAVE
KNOWN BY THE NAME.

I'M NOT UNSYMPATHETIC,

BUT I REALLY WOULD LIKE
TO GET THIS TAKEN CARE OF.

I'VE GOT A FORECLOSURE
SEMINAR AT 5.

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN
SIGN THE COMPLAINT,

BUT WE MAY NEED SOME
PRELIMINARY INFORMATION

FOR MR. GOLDEN'S INJUNCTION.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

MR. GOLDEN MAY WANT
TO PROCEED WITH HIS CLAIM.

I HAVE A CLAIM?

YOU DID WALK ACROSS
THAT PROPERTY

TO GET TO YOUR
PLACE OF BUSINESS.

EVERY DAY FOR 20 YEARS.

SO?

SO, THAT CREATES AN EASEMENT.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

"THE RIGHT TO USE
THE REALTY OF ANOTHER

"FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE

OR TO LIMIT THE USE OF
SOMEONE ELSE'S REALTY."

I KNOW THE TERM.

MR. GOLDEN'S DAILY
CROSSING OF YOUR PROPERTY

CONFERRED ON HIM THE
LEGAL RIGHT TO DO SO.

HE CAN'T EXERCISE THAT RIGHT
IF YOU PUT UP A BUILDING THERE.

SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
US TO DO, TEAR IT DOWN?

HEY, IT'S UP TO MR. GOLDEN.

IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

HOW'S HE DOING?

HE TALKED HIMSELF TO SLEEP.

SO, DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE UP

A DISCIPLINARY NOTIFICATION
FOR DOWNTOWN?

THAT IS THE REQUIRED PROCEDURE.

SO, DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE UP

A DISCIPLINARY NOTIFICATION
FOR DOWNTOWN?

TYPE IT UP. I WILL SIGN IT.

WHO GETS COPIES?

NOBODY.

IT'S CALLED EASEMENT, MR. ADABI.

NO. UM, WELL, IT'S SORT OF LIKE

IF SOMEONE ELSE'S CAMEL HAD BEEN
USING YOUR OASIS FOR A LONG TIME.

WELL, MAYBE YOU
BETTER LET ME TALK TO...

BONJOUR, MONSIEUR PATAN.

UH... EASEMENT.

NO.

WELL, IT'S LIKE, UM...

IF SOMEONE HAD BEEN WALKING
THROUGH YOUR VINEYARD

TO GET TO HIS BORDELLO.

WELL, YES, THEORETICALLY
HE COULD DEMAND

THAT THE BUILDING BE
REDESIGNED TO ACCOMMODATE HIM,

OR, FAILING THAT, HE
COULD HAVE IT TORN DOWN.

UH, NO, NO.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY REASON
TO BOTHER HELMUT WITH THIS.

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW HE GETS...

GUTEN TAG, HERR STRAUSSLER.

JA, JAWOHL.

WE HAVE EIN BISSCHEN
PROBLEM HERE.

DIE WOHNTENHAUSEN GANZ KAPUT.

JA, ICH WAR DA.

JASON PARRISH, LIBERTY
BELL DEVELOPMENT.

CAPTAIN MILLER.

I HATE THIS JOB.

JA.

YEAH. NO, NO, I
AGREE COMPLETELY.

MY CLIENTS HAVE DECIDED

NOT TO PROCEED
AGAINST MR. GOLDEN...

ASSUMING, OF COURSE,

THAT MR. GOLDEN AGREES NOT
TO PROCEED AGAINST US, OKAY?

OH, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.

BUT I PREFER THAT THE
BUILDING COME DOWN.

WE COULD PICK YOU UP
IN A LIMOUSINE EVERY DAY,

TAKE YOU AROUND THE BUILDING.

I DON'T LIKE CARS.

TINTED GLASS GIVES
ME A HEADACHE.

THE ANSWER IS NO.

FINE.

YES. OH, JA, HELMUT.

WAS IS LOS?

MOMENT, BITTE.

MR. GOLDEN,

YOUR NEWSPAPER
STAND'S OUTSIDE, RIGHT?

SO?

SO, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE ONE INSIDE

RIGHT NEXT TO THE ELEVATOR?

I DON'T KNOW. I'M VERY
HAPPY WHERE I AM.

HOW ABOUT WE THROW
IN A TRIP TO EUROPE?

SPAIN? FRANCE? MONTE CARLO?

A FEMALE COMPANION?

YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN.

BUT... ALL RIGHT.

HELMUT.

IT'S A JA.

HOW'S IT GOING, HARRIS?

YOU ARE LOOKING
AT ONE MAD NIGGER.

LOOK, UH, MAYBE YOU...
MAYBE YOU BETTER JUST...

BETTER?

BETTER WHAT, BARNEY?

BETTER STOP BEING SO UPPITY?

HEY, SURE, SURE.

LET THE BOY WRITE HIM A BOOK,

MAKE HIM SOME MONEY,
GET HIM A LITTLE NOTORIETY.

SURE, LET ME START
CLIMBING UP THAT LADDER.

THEN, ALL EYES ON THE HIGH DIVE.

BUT THEY DIDN'T PUT
NO WATER IN THE POOL.

I'M SURE EVERYTHING WILL LOOK
A LOT BETTER IN THE MORNING.

HMM. THAT'S EASY FOR YOU.

YOU AIN'T GONNA WAKE UP POOR.

Barney: HARRIS, LOOK...

I'M...

I'M A COUNTRY BOY,
YOU KNOW THAT?

I WAS POOR... POOR
AS THE DIRT I SLEPT IN.

MY DADDY...

MY DADDY WORKED 18
HOURS A DAY IN THE MILLS

UNTIL THEY CARRIED HIM AWAY.

MAMA...

MAMA TOOK IN WHITE
FOLKS' WASHING AND MENDING

JUST SO SHE COULD PUT A
LITTLE SOMETHING ON THE TABLE

FOR 11 HUNGRY CHILDREN.

I NEVER KNEW THAT.

I MADE THAT UP.

I MAY JUST SEND
THAT TO PALMERSTOWN

'CAUSE I'M A DAMN
GOOD WRITER, BARNEY.

I AM DAMN GOOD!

NOBODY EVER SAID
YOU WEREN'T, HARRIS.

"BLOOD"...

"BLOOD ON THE BADGE,"
BARN, IT'S A FINE BOOK.

IT'S A FINE BOOK, BARN. LOOK.

"WITTY.

"VITAL AND ABSORBING.

"RIVALS WAMBAUGH'S BEST."

HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT?

ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF
AGO YOU WROTE THAT?

YEAH, SO?

SO, WHAT HAVE YOU
WRITTEN LATELY?

BARN, WHAT YOU SAYING?

I DON'T KNOW, HARRIS.

WITH ALL THE COCKTAIL
PARTIES AND THE MOVIE DEALS,

IT APPEARS TO ME

YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANY
SERIOUS WRITING RECENTLY.

WELL, I'VE BEEN BUSY.

YEAH, EXACTLY.

YOU KNOW, THIS...

THIS MAY NOT BE THE WORST
THING THAT COULD HAPPEN.

MAYBE IT WILL FORCE
YOU TO SIT BACK DOWN

AND DO WHAT YOU SAID
YOU WANTED TO DO...

WRITE!

I KNOW THIS IS HARD
FOR YOU, BARNEY...

BUT COULD YOU JUST MIND
YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS?

UH, HARRIS, HE'S JUST
TRYING TO HELP HERE.

OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW, MAN?!

NONE OF YOU KNOW NOTHING!

HEY, HARRIS...

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE, HUH?

YOU GOT WORK TO DO?

YEAH, YEAH, LET'S GET TO IT.

IT'S OVER, MAN. IT'S ALL OVER.

IT'S ALL OVER, ANYWAY,

SO WHAT'S THE POINT, MAN?

Cushing: ♪ NEXT
TIME YOU'RE FOUND ♪

♪ WITH YOUR CHIN ON THE GROUND ♪

♪ THERE'S A LOT TO BE
LEARNED, SO LOOK AROUND ♪

♪ JUST WHAT MAKES
THAT LITTLE OLD ANT ♪

♪ THINK HE'LL MOVE THAT
RUBBER TREE PLANT? ♪

♪ ANYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T
MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

♪ BUT HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪

♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪

WHERE'S MY GUN?

♪ HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE
PIE IN THE SKY HOPES ♪

♪ SO ANY TIME
YOU'RE FEELING LOW ♪

♪ INSTEAD OF LETTING GO,
JUST REMEMBER THAT ANT ♪

♪ OOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

♪ OOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

♪ OOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

OH, THANK GOD.

♪ WHEN TROUBLES CALL, AND
YOUR BACK'S TO THE WALL ♪

♪ THERE'S A LOT TO BE
LEARNED, THAT WALL COULD FALL ♪

♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A SILLY, OLD RAM ♪

♪ THOUGHT HE'D
PUNCH A HOLE IN A DAM ♪

♪ AND NO ONE COULD
MAKE THAT RAM SCRAM ♪

♪ HE KEPT BUTTING THAT DAM ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE HAD HIGH HOPES ♪

♪ HE HAD HIGH... ♪