Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 5, Episode 9 - The Vandal - full transcript

Barney suspects Levitt of vandalizing the squad room. A TV programming executive is assaulted in a coffee shop.

Yemana: I JUMPED OUT OF MY SEAT

AND STARTED YELLING,
"COME ON! IT'S OVER!"

I FORGET I WAS IN A MOVIE.

GOOD LORD.

SOMEBODY SHOULD
SPEAK TO THE HELP.

WHO THE HELL WOULD...

NEVER BEEN THIS BAD BEFORE.

WHERE DID ALL THESE
PAPERS COME FROM?

I'M AFRAID THOSE
ARE THE FILES, NICK.

OH, MY GOD.

LOVELY, LOVELY.



MY OFFICE HAS BEEN
SIMILARLY REDECORATED.

I GUESS THEY WANTED
THE SAME MOTIF.

TOP OF THE MORNIN'.

HI, WOJ.

WHAT TIME DID YOU GET HERE?

JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO. I
WAS CHECKING THE STOCKROOM.

NOTHING'S MISSING.

THERE'S NOTHING OF
ANY VALUE TO TAKE.

NOT ANYMORE.

I DON'T THINK
IT'S A THIEF, BARN.

I THINK, UH, IT'S
SOMETHING PERSONAL.

CHECK OUT THE HALL.

"MILLER IS A DIRTY M..."

MARVELOUS.



THEY SPACED IT NICELY.

IT'S GOT TO BE SOMEONE
WHO HAD IT IN FOR YOU.

IT'S LIKE TRYING TO GET
BACK AT YOU FOR SOMETHING.

MAYBE.

IT'S TOO BAD THE REST
OF US HAD TO SUFFER.

THEY BROKE MY NAMEPLATE.

MY CONDOLENCES.

I'M USED TO IT.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO
BE A POLICE STATION.

WHERE THE HELL
WAS THE LATE SHIFT?

LATE SHIFT WAS
ON UNTIL 4:00 A.M.

THEN THE DOWNSTAIRS TOOK OVER.

AND THEY DIDN'T SEE
ANYTHING, HEAR ANYTHING?

- NO, IT WAS A SKELETON CREW.
- SKELETON CREW.

- BECAUSE OF THE BUDGET CUTS.
- BUDGET CUTS.

I CHECKED THE SAFE.

LOOK AT THIS.

UH-OH.

WHAT IS IT?

THIS USED TO BE HARRIS' SWEATER.

HE TOLD ME ONE TIME
HE LIKED TO KEEP IT HERE

IN CASE HE HAD THE URGE
TO INFORMALIZE HIS LOOK.

GEEZ.

TERRIBLE, AIN'T IT?

OH, YEAH.

TSK TSK TSK TSK TSK.

NO, NO.

I STRAIGHTENED OUT
MY DESK ON FRIDAY.

GOOD M...

TOO BUSY.

GOOD MORNING, HARRIS.

SOMEBODY, UH,

GIVE A PARTY WITHOUT
TELLING ME ABOUT IT?

UH-HUH.

WE GOT VANDALIZED.

NO KIDDING.

CHECK OUT AROUND THE HALLWAY.

HOW'D THEY GET IN HERE, ANYWAY?

WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET.

WELL, I'M GLAD TO SEE

YOU'VE RETAINED
YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

OH, SORRY.

THAT'S GRATUITOUS.

HARRIS.

THERE WAS A FATALITY.

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THIS.

THEY BROKE MY NAME, TOO.

THEY BROKE MY CHAIR LEG.

OH, COME ON.

NAMEPLATES, CHAIRS... THOSE
THINGS CAN BE REPLACED.

YOU CANNOT FIX ALPACA.

UH, SOMEBODY FIND THE
PHONE AND ANSWER IT.

I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.

GET ME KOGAN ON
THE PHONE, WILL YOU?

GOT IT.

WE'VE GOT A DISTURBANCE
OVER ON MADISON.

ALL RIGHT, YOU AND WOJO.

WOJ.

YOU NEVER CAN GET A
COP WHEN YOU NEED ONE.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHAIR?

WELL, I THOUGHT I MIGHT
TAKE IT OUT BACK AND SHOOT IT.

FINE.

UH, LISTEN, GO GET BECKMAN.

SEE IF HE CAN ROUND UP
SOME APPROPRIATE PAINT.

I CAN DO WITHOUT THE PUBLICITY.

- OKAY.
- Harris: BARNEY?

YEAH.

I WENT THROUGH THE
RECORDS DOWNSTAIRS

AND CAME UP WITH SOME
POSSIBLE SUSPECTS...

ANYONE WHO MIGHT HAVE
A GRUDGE AGAINST YOU.

I ALSO PULLED ALL
OF THE THREATENING

OR ABUSIVE LETTERS

YOU'VE GOTTEN IN THE
LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.

QUITE A NUMBER.

WELL, NOT ALL OF THEM
WERE SENT TO YOU.

SOME OF THEM WERE JUST
ADDRESSED TO "THE PIG IN CHARGE."

I SEE.

I ASSUME THEY MEANT YOU.

IT'S REASONABLE.

UH, I'M GONNA GO RUN A
CHECK ON SOME OF THESE.

"DIRTY, A, IS."
"MILLER IS A DIRTY M..."

LEVITT.

SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR READING.

OH, NO, SIR.

REPREHENSIBLE, SIR,
AND BIASED, I MAY ADD.

I APPRECIATE IT.

REQUISITION FORMS
YOU REQUESTED, SIR.

THANK YOU, LEVITT. THANK YOU.

OH, LEVITT, UH, YOU WERE
ON DUTY THIS MORNING?

YES, SIR.

YOU DIDN'T NOTICE
ANYTHING, UH... UNUSUAL?

NO, SIR. I DID JUST NOW.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, SIR, I JUST
CAN'T HELP BUT THINK

THAT IF SOMEBODY WERE
UP HERE 24 HOURS A DAY,

THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

PROBABLY NOT.

THERE HAS BEEN TALK ABOUT
BEEFING UP THE DETECTIVE FORCE.

REALLY? FROM WHOM?

MOSTLY ME.

BUT THERE HAVE BEEN OTHERS, SIR.

REALLY?

AM I DISMISSED, SIR?

YES.

I'LL BE BACK LATER, AS
SOON AS THE MAIL ARRIVES.

FINE.

RIGHT IN HERE.

OUR SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING.

IT IS ROTTING, AND
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE.

THAT IS GROSSLY UNFAIR.

BOTH OF YOU, NOW, KNOCK IT OFF.

OKAY, WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

THIS ONE'S LLOYD ADELSON,
AND THIS IS LAWRENCE SNEPP.

I FOUND THEM DUKING IT OUT

IN A COFFEE SHOP
OVER ON MADISON.

EVERY YEAR, IT COMES
LIKE A PESTILENCE,

AND THERE'S NOTHING
ANYBODY CAN DO TO STOP IT.

WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?

THE NEW TV SEASON.

OF COURSE.

MR. SNEPP IS A PROGRAM
EXECUTIVE AT ONE OF THE NETWORKS.

THEY WERE SITTING NEXT TO
EACH OTHER AT THE COUNTER.

MR. ADELSON FOUND
OUT WHO HE WAS.

AN ARGUMENT ENSUED.

HE THREW HIS GRAPEFRUIT
JUICE IN MY FACE.

HE CALLED ME FILTHY NAMES.

I GOT A RIGHT TO MY OPINION!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. YOU'LL
EACH HAVE YOUR DAY IN COURT.

MR. ADELSON, HAVE
A SEAT RIGHT HERE.

MR. SNEPP, OVER HERE AT
SERGEANT DIETRICH'S DESK.

WHO'S CHARGING WHO?

THE COFFEE SHOP IS
CHARGING THEM BOTH.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

TELEVISION IS DESTROYING THE
VERY FABRIC OF OUR SOCIETY.

IT'S TURNING US ALL INTO
MINDLESS, ILLITERATE ROBOTS.

I THINK WE'VE GOT SOME VERY
EXCITING PROGRAMS THIS SEASON.

BOOBS AND BEHINDS
BOUNCING AND JIGGLING!

MEANWHILE, MY KID, HE
CAN'T EVEN READ A MENU.

ADELSON, WE'RE
COPS, NOT CRITICS.

SIT DOWN.

WE REALLY ARE PLANNING
SOME MARVELOUS PROGRAMS.

DOCUMENTARIES, MINISERIES.

I'M SURE.

WE'RE DOING THE
OSCAR LEVANT STORY.

THAT'S WONDERFUL, BUT
WE STILL HAVE TO BOOK YOU.

OH, I UNDERSTAND.

SO WOULD OSCAR.

NOBODY READS A BOOK ANYMORE.

NOBODY TALKS TO ANYONE ANYMORE.

THEY JUST SIT AND
STARE AT THAT IDIOT BOX.

HOW CAN HE LOOK AT
HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR

WHEN HE PUTS OUT
THAT KIND OF GARBAGE?

WE ONLY PUT ON WHAT
YOU PEOPLE ASK FOR.

I DIDN'T ASK FOR
"MORK AND MINDY."

HEY, WOULD YOU
GUYS PUT A LID ON IT?

I'M TRYING TO FINISH
TYPING YOUR REPORT.

WHO IS THAT?

UH, HE WORKS FOR ONE
OF THOSE TV NETWORKS.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

YOU WOULD THINK WITH ALL
OF THEIR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS,

THEY COULD FIND
SOME CREATIVE PEOPLE...

WRITERS, DIRECTORS WHO
WOULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING

THAT WAS AT LEAST
HALFWAY DECENT.

WE TRY.

WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR NEW PEOPLE.

MY NAME IS RON HARRIS.

AND YOU ARE?

LAWRENCE SNEPP.

SNEPP?

SNEPP.

UH, LOOK, MR. SNEPP,
I'M A WRITER. I'VE HAD...

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A POLICEMAN.

THAT, TOO.

I'VE WRITTEN SEVERAL
THINGS, MR. SNEPP...

NOTHING FOR TELEVISION YET.

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU
WOULDN'T BELIEVE

SOME OF THE THINGS THAT
GO ON IN A PRECINCT HOUSE...

FASCINATING CHARACTERS,

SITUATIONS THAT ARE
GRIPPING AND TENSE

AND AT THE SAME TIME
HEARTWARMING AND, UH...

FUNNY.

WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING
FOR FRESH CONCEPTS.

YOU ARE?

OKAY, I NEED YOUR
BUSINESS ADDRESS.

HEY, WE'RE IN A
MEETING, DIETRICH.

I'VE GOT TO FINISH BOOKING HIM.

RIGHT NOW?

YEAH, I STILL GOT TO
CHECK HIM FOR PRIORS.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL TALK LATER.

YEAH, I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

OH, NICK, DID YOU TALK TO
BECKMAN ABOUT REPAINTING?

YEAH. THAT KIND OF
PAINT WAS BANNED

BY THE FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT TWO YEARS AGO.

WONDERFUL. DOES HE
HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?

DON'T LICK THE WALLS.

I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I GOT A COUPLE OF
POSSIBLE SUSPECTS, BUT...

BUT?

WELL, BARN, IT'S JUST
HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE

SOMEONE COULD HAVE GOTTEN
UP HERE AND DONE ALL THIS...

I MEAN, PAINTED WALLS,

BROKE CHAIRS,
PULLED OUT DRAWERS,

RUINED A VERY EXPENSIVE SWEATER,

AND THEN SLIPPED OUT
WITH NOBODY NOTICING HIM?

CAN YOU OFFER SOME
OTHER EXPLANATION?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BARNEY.

I MEAN, MAYBE IT WAS SOMEONE

WHO DIDN'T HAVE
TO SNEAK IN HERE...

SOMEONE ALREADY HERE.

THE ONLY PEOPLE ALREADY
HERE WERE OTHER COPS.

IT'S INTERESTING, HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT KIND OF COP WOULD DO A...

SOMEONE FRUSTRATED.
SOMEONE DISSATISFIED.

SOMEONE WITHIN OUR VERY BOSOM,

SLINKING AROUND, HARDLY NOTICED.

SOMEONE EMBITTERED,

PERHAPS AT BEING TURNED
DOWN FOR A PROMOTION,

ALL THE WHILE
SEETHING AND PLANNING.

SOMEONE... SOMEONE
LIKE, UH, LEVITT.

LEVITT?!

A HELL OF A TWIST,
DRAMATURGICALLY SPEAKING.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT... LEVITT?

LET'S JUST STICK TO THE
LOGICAL POSSIBILITIES.

OF COURSE, IT IS LOGICAL.

FROM A PSYCHOLOGICAL STANDPOINT,
LEVITT'S A REPRESSED TYPE...

EXCESSIVELY POLITE,

CONTAINING HIS REAL
HOSTILITY AND FRUSTRATION

UNTIL EVENTUALLY
SOMETHING SIMPLY SNAPS.

LOOK, YOU SAID YOU HAD
A COUPLE OF SUSPECTS?

OH, YEAH. I'LL CHECK
THEM OUT, BARN.

YEAH, YOU DO THAT.

UH, MR. SNEPP IS WAITING
FOR YOU, PLEASE, HUH?

MAIL CALL.

LEVITT.

MOSTLY JUNK, I'M AFRAID.
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

DIETRICH.

WOJCIEHOWICZ. WOJCIEHO...

"WOJCIEHO..." THAT'S A SHAME.

YEAH.

YEMANA. HERE WE GO.

CAPTAIN, INTEROFFICE MEMOS,
THE LATEST PROMOTION ROSTERS,

AND ASSORTED COMMUNIQUÉS.

THANK YOU.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
YOU'D LIKE ME TO DO?

NO. NO, NO.

WELL... GOOD
AFTERNOON, DETECTIVES.

I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.

COME ON, GET BACK IN THE CAGE.

YOU GOT TO AGREE
WITH ME, DON'T YOU?

IT IS ALL JUNK.

I REALLY CAN'T SAY.

I DON'T EVEN WATCH THE STUFF.

I DON'T BLAME YOU ONE BIT.

YOU HEAR THAT? HE
DOESN'T EVEN WATCH IT.

NOW HOLD ON JUST
A COME ON, COME ON!

I'M GOING TO GET SOME COFFEE.

EITHER OF YOU GUYS WANT A CUP?

- NO, THANKS.
- I'LL HAVE A CUP.

YOU DON'T WATCH TV?

SPORTS AND NEWS, NOT MUCH ELSE.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT DRAMA? COMEDY?

IT JUST AIN'T REAL.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST
A BUNCH OF ACTORS

SAYING WORDS THAT SOME
OTHER GUY WROTE FOR THEM.

OF COURSE, BUT ONE MUST
ALLOW A SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF

AND ACCEPT THE
DRAMATIC ILLUSION.

I DON'T.

JUST BY THAT, THINKING

YOU'RE DENYING THE VALIDITY

OF 2,000 YEARS OF DRAMATIC ART.

YEAH. UH, YOU WANT CREAM?

UH, NO. BLACK, PLEASE.

YES, COME IN.

HERE ARE THE REQUISITION
FORMS YOU REQUESTED, SIR.

THANK YOU, LEVITT.

I GUESS YOU MUST HAVE MISPLACED
THE OTHERS I BROUGHT EARLIER.

UH, YES, I GUESS I DID.

IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE, SIR?

UM...

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A
SEAT FOR A MOMENT, LEVITT?

YES, SIR.

SIT DOWN.

BEEN, UH... IT'S BEEN
QUITE A DAY, HUH?

IF YOU SAY SO, SIR. IS
THERE SOMETHING ELSE?

UH, NO, NO, NOTHING
IN PARTICULAR.

WELL... I FEEL...

I-I FEEL IT'S PART
OF MY JOB TO...

TO GET TO KNOW AS
MUCH AS POSSIBLE

ABOUT THE MEN WHO WORK HERE.

I WAS BORN IN 1942, JUST
OUTSIDE OF NEW BRUNSWICK.

OH, UH, WAS THAT
WHERE YOU GREW UP?

NO, WE MOVED TO
RUTHERFORD WHEN I WAS 12,

ALTHOUGH, ACTUALLY,

I HAD ALREADY STOPPED
GROWING BY THAT TIME.

OH.

- MAY I MAKE A REMARK, SIR?
- CERTAINLY.

THIS IS A VERY
STRANGE CONVERSATION.

IT'S JUST THAT... I-I
WANT TO GET TO KNOW

AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
ABOUT ALL MY MEN.

ARE YOU HAVING TALKS
WITH THE OTHERS, TOO, SIR?

UH... YOU ARE THE FIRST.

IS THERE, UH, SOMETHING
SPECIFIC YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW?

NO. NO, NO, NO. NO. IT'S, UH...

IT'S JUST THAT I'D LIKE TO, UH,

KEEP LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS
OPEN, AS IT WERE,

SO THAT IN CASE THAT ANY...

SIR, I WAS WRITING UP
MANPOWER REPORTS

FROM 4:00 A.M. TO 8:30 A.M.

I CAN HAVE SERGEANT KOGAN
COME UP HERE AND VERIFY THAT.

IT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

WILL THERE BE
ANYTHING ELSE, SIR?

I HAD TO KNOW. I
KNOW IT'S CRAZY.

CAN I GO, SIR? I
HAVE OTHER DUTIES.

- YES, OF COURSE.
- THANK YOU.

LEVITT, UH... BUT, UH, LEVITT...

HE USUALLY COMES WHEN YOU CALL.

OKAY. AND THANKS A LOT.

ALL RIGHT, I JUST TALKED
TO THE COFFEE SHOP,

AND YOUR BREAKFAST
TAB COMES TO $177.

I ONLY HAD JUICE.

THE OWNER SAID HE'S
WILLING TO DROP THE CHARGES

IF YOU GUYS PAY FOR THE DAMAGES.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

IT CERTAINLY ISN'T MINE.

OKAY, YOU GUYS JUST TAKE
YOUR TIME THINKING IT OVER.

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO PUT ON SHOWS

LIKE "MY MOTHER THE
CAR," "ME AND THE CHIMP,"

"THE SAN PEDRO BEACH BUMS."

PLEASE, ENOUGH.

"THE CHICAGO TEDDY
BEARS," "ON THE ROCKS."

ALL RIGHT!

MAYBE YOU HAVE TO WATCH TV,

BUT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT...

ALL DAY LONG, READING
INFANTILE SCRIPTS,

LYING THROUGH MY TEETH...

"YES, LOVE THE CONCEPT, LOVE IT.

SURE, PETE ROSE
COULD PLAY COMEDY."

DAY AFTER DAY, HAVING TO
SWALLOW ALL THEIR GARBAGE!

COOL DOWN THERE.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING!

I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M
NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

DONT YOU GO TO
THE MOVIES, EITHER?

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
TO PUT CUFFS ON YOU.

COME ON. COME ON.

LEAVE HIM ALONE, WILL YOU?

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?

I APOLOGIZE.

LOOK, I... I'VE BEEN
UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE.

LISTEN...

I'M WILLING TO PAY MY
SHARE OF THE DAMAGES.

MR. SNEPP, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

HUH?

THE DAMAGES?

OH, YEAH, YEAH, SURE, SURE.

DESK APPEARANCE?

SURE.

YOU MUST REMEMBER THE
DETECTIVES' ROOM, HUH?

YOU CAN'T GO AROUND
SCREWING UP PEOPLE'S LIVES

AND GET AWAY WITH IT.

HARRIS?

UH, YEAH, BARNEY.

THIS IS, UH, ARNOLD SCULLY.

MR. SCULLY, CAPTAIN MILLER.

I HATE YOUR GUTS.

HOW DO YOU DO?

I TRACED HIM DOWN THROUGH
ONE OF THE LETTERS, BARNEY.

HE'S ALREADY ADMITTED TO
BEING OUR INTERIOR DESIGNER.

OH, REALLY?

IT'S KIND OF LIKE A
DOUBLE TWIST, HUH?

HMM?

DRAMATURGICALLY SPEAKING.

YOU REMEMBER
EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?

I BET YOU DIDN'T THINK
YOU'D BE SEEING ME AGAIN.

I DON'T THINK I'VE
EVER SEEN YOU BEFORE.

ARE YOU SAYING
YOU AREN'T B. MILLER,

BADGE NUMBER 233451... YEAH.

WHO ISSUED A CITATION TO ME

FOR THROWING DOWN
A LOUSY HALF A HOT DOG

ON THE SIDEWALK ON MAY 13, 1961?

1961?

YEAH.

I'M AFRAID I DON'T REMEMBER.

I DO.

I TOLD YOU HOW I
HAD AN APPOINTMENT,

BUT YOU JUST KEPT ON
WRITING OUT THE TICKET.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS FOR
A REAL IMPORTANT JOB,

BUT HE JUST KEPT ME THERE,

GIVING ME THE SPIEL
ABOUT BEING PATIENT

AND KEEPING MY PERSPECTIVE.

EVEN THEN, HUH?

UH, MR. SCULLY,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GETTING EXCITED ABOUT.

IF IT WAS A CITATION,
WHAT WAS IT... A LOUSY FINE?

YEAH, SURE.

'CAUSE OF THAT LITTLE
FINE, I MISSED MY INTERVIEW,

SO I DIDN'T GET THE JOB,

AND I'M OUT OF
WORK FOR TWO YEARS!

ON ACCOUNT OF WHICH,
MY FIANCÉE DROPS ME.

I SPENT THE NEXT 16 YEARS

IN AND OUT OF PRISON...
ON DOPE AND BOOZE,

WISHING I WAS DEAD.

I'M SORRY.

SORRY.

HE'S SORRY.

WELL, THERE WAS NO
WAY I COULD HAVE KNOWN.

I WROTE YOU.

YOU DIDN'T ANSWER
ONE STINKING LETTER.

IT GETS KIND OF HECTIC
AROUND HERE, YOU KNOW.

- WE GET A LOT OF MAIL.
- SURE, SURE.

I'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE.

LOOK, I'M VERY SORRY
FOR YOU, MR. SCULLY,

BUT, UH, THE ISSUE
AT HAND IS, UH,

TRESPASSING AND
DEFACING PUBLIC PROPERTY.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BOOK YOU.

SURE! FINISH ME OFF!

LOOK, LOOK, COME ON,
MR. SCULLY. COME ON.

HAVE A SEAT RIGHT
OVER THERE. COME ON.

A TICKET FOR LITTERING?

WELL, I WAS... I
WAS... I WAS YOUNG.

I MUST HAVE BEEN
EAGER TO MAKE POINTS.

I GUESS SO.

Scully: HEY!

I'VE GOT AN APPOINTMENT AT 5:00.

UH, WE'LL DO THE BEST
WE CAN TO GET YOU THERE.

MR. SNEPP.

THIS IS YOUR
DESK-APPEARANCE TICKET.

YOU SHOW UP AT THAT
PLACE AT THAT DATE.

YOU PRESENT A
VERIFICATION OF PAYMENT,

AND THE CHARGES WILL BE DROPPED.

YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

YOU CAN STEP OUTSIDE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- MR. SNEPP?
- YES?

PER OUR EARLIER CONVERSATION,

I'VE JOTTED DOWN A
COUPLE OF STORY NOTIONS...

NOTHING ELABORATE,

JUST SOMETHING THAT CAN
SHOW YOU WHAT I CAN DO.

FORGET IT. I'M FINISHED
WITH THAT CRAP.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHAT HAPPENED?
YOU HAVE A BAD DAY?

I MAY JUST GO TELL THEM WHAT
THEY CAN DO WITH THEIR JOB.

UH, LOOK, COULD YOU,
UH, GIVE THEM THIS FIRST?

WHAT'S THIS?

UM, SOME STORIES...

SOME REAL-LIFE DRAMAS CULLED
FROM ACTUAL POLICE EXPERIENCE.

OH, YEAH? LIKE WAMBAUGH.

YEAH, BUT MORE SOPHISTICATED.

YOU'RE GONNA START WITH
THAT JUNK ALL OVER AGAIN!

WOULD YOU LEAVE THIS MAN ALONE?

LISTEN, I'LL GIVE
IT A GOOD READ.

THANKS.

IF I DON'T GET BACK
TO YOU IN A FEW WEEKS,

YOU GET IN TOUCH WITH ME.

YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
I'VE GOT YOUR NUMBER.

AND FINGERPRINTS.

I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.

HERE YOU GO, MR. ADELSON.

GOOD LUCK.

TELEVISION... IT'LL
NEVER CHANGE.

IT'LL ALWAYS BE TRASH.

NEWTON MINNOW CALLED
IT A VAST WASTELAND.

HE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE
PUPPETS ON "SESAME STREET"?

YEAH.

I THOUGHT SO.

KOGAN SAYS THE
CAPTAIN WANTS TO SEE ME.

HE'S HERE.

UH, LEVITT, I JUST
WANTED TO TELL YOU

THAT WE'VE MADE AN
ARREST IN THE CASE.

OH, THAT'S INTERESTING.

AND TO APOLOGIZE FOR
WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER.

OH, UH, THAT'S NOT
NECESSARY, SIR.

IT WAS JUST A CASE OF
AN EXTRAORDINARY EVENT

COUPLED WITH SOME
COINCIDENTAL CIRCUMSTANCES,

FIRED BY AN
OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION.

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, SIR.

WELL, YOU HAVE EVERY
RIGHT TO BE ANGRY.

OH, I'M NOT ANGRY,
SIR. I'M HURT A LITTLE BIT.

IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE
THE HIGHEST DEGREE

OF RESPECT AND
ADMIRATION FOR YOU

AND, UH, EVERYONE UP HERE.

IT'S JUST THAT I'D
LIKE TO THINK THAT,

IN SOME SMALL
DEGREE, IT'S MUTUAL.

WELL, IT IS.

THAT'S OKAY, SIR. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT.

- NO, I MEAN IT SINCERELY.
- NO NEED TO HUMOR ME.

I'M NOT, LEVITT. HOW
CAN I CONVINCE YOU?

NOTING IT ON MY PERMANENT
RECORD WOULD BE A START.

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

I'LL BRING IT UP
TOMORROW MORNING, SIR.

FINE.

WELL, GOOD DAY, GENTLEMEN.

CAPTAIN.

I GUESS IT TAKES
SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO, UH,

BRING PEOPLE CLOSER TOGETHER.

THANKS.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET
STARTED REORGANIZING THE FILES.

WHY ME? HE DID IT.

JUST GET ON IT, WILL YOU?

YES, SIR.

SOMETHING ELSE
YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?

I HAVE NOTHING TO ADD.

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