Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Baby Broker - full transcript

- HEY, HARRIS.
- YEAH?

IF YOU WERE TO TRAVEL
DUE SOUTH FROM DETROIT,

WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD BE

THE FIRST FOREIGN
COUNTRY YOU'D HIT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DO.

OH, UH, YEAH. IT
WOULD BE MEXICO.

NOPE.

NOPE.

OH, THEN IT'S ONE OF
THOSE PLACES BELOW IT.

UH, COSTA RICA,
NICARAGUA... IT'S CANADA.



HE SAID SOUTH, DIETRICH.

YES, BUT PART OF THE
PROVINCE OF ONTARIO

JUTS UNDERNEATH DETROIT,
MAKING IT DUE SOUTH.

THAT COUNTS?

OH, YEAH.

- GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.
- GOOD MORNING.

HI, BARNEY.

HEY, UH, THAT MOUSTACHE
IS STARTING TO COME IN, HUH?

OH, YEAH. I SURE WISH
IT WOULD HURRY UP.

YOU JUST HAVE TO PUT UP

WITH A FEW WEEKS
OF LOOKING GRUBBY.

GRUBBY?

OH, BARNEY, I'M NOT
CAPABLE OF LOOKING GRUBBY.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.



YOU KNOW, I'VE TRIED,
BARN. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

- BARNEY.
- HMM?

IF YOU LEFT DETROIT
AND WENT DUE SOUTH,

WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST
FOREIGN COUNTRY YOU'D COME TO?

I WASN'T PLANNING ON
TAKING ANY TRIPS, NICK,

I MEAN, WHAT WITH ALL THE WORK
WE'VE GOT TO DO AROUND HERE.

JUST A LITTLE RIDDLE IN A BOOK.

YEAH, AND I'M SURE IT'S
VERY INTERESTING, NICK,

BUT, UH, I MEAN, UH,

WE'VE GOT ARREST
REPORTS TO WIND UP,

UH, MONTHLY INVENTORIES,
CRIME STATISTICS TO COMPILE.

I WOULD REALLY RATHER THAT
YOU DEVOTED YOUR ENERGY

TO THOSE TASKS.

I'M NOT ON DUTY YET.

OH.

I USUALLY LIKE TO
COME A LITTLE EARLY,

RELAX, HAVE A LITTLE COFFEE,

GET MY THOUGHTS TOGETHER.

I FEEL I HAVE THAT RIGHT.

AND YOU DO, NICK.
YOU DO. I APOLOGIZE.

AND WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES 9,

BARNEY, I'M A NEW MAN.

FINE.

YOU, UH, YOU ANY
GOOD AT THOSE THINGS?

I... THEY GENERALLY
DRIVE ME CRAZY.

ACTUALLY, I LIKE TO LOOK
AT THE ANSWERS FIRST.

IT GIVES ME A BETTER PERSPECTIVE

ON THE QUESTIONS.

OH, GOOD MORNING, LEVITT.

DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME, SIR?

UH, YEAH, I'M GONNA NEED
YOU TO PUT TOGETHER

A STRENGTH REPORT ON
THE MANPOWER DOWNSTAIRS.

WHY NOT?

WE GOT A SHORTAGE AS IT IS,

AND WITH THE 3-DAY
WEEKEND COMING UP,

I JUST WANT TO
MAKE SURE THAT, UH...

LEVITT?

I'M RIGHT HERE, SIR.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, JUST A LITTLE TIRED.

I'VE BEEN WORKING
EXTRA DUTY, SIR.

HOW LONG?

37 HOURS.

37?! OH, MY GOD!

I DON'T MIND, SIR.

I'M SURE YOU DID A LOT OF DOUBLE
DUTY ON YOUR WAY UP TO CAPTAIN.

I DID MY SHARE, BUT NOT...

PROBABLY HAD TO MAKE A
LOT OF PERSONAL SACRIFICE...

WELL, CERTAINLY...
DISAPPOINT THE WIFE.

I DIDN'T MEAN THAT IN
THE CONJUGAL SENSE, SIR.

OF COURSE NOT.

I'LL GO WORK ON THE REPORT.

GOOD IDEA, LEVITT.

I MEANT LIKE MISSING DINNER.

THAT'S WHAT I ASSUMED YOU MEANT.

AND HERE WE ARE, MR. ADELMAN.

BUT I'M TELLING YOU,
REALLY, THERE'S NO PROBLEM.

STEP INSIDE, PLEASE, WILL YOU?

THIS IS NONE OF
ANYBODY'S BUSINESS!

LET'S TAKE IT EASY NOW.
WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, UH, THIS IS
MR. AND MRS. ADELMAN,

AND THIS IS ANA...

- SCHLESINGER.
- SCHLESINGER.

AT LEAST, THAT'S
WHAT THEIR I.D.s SAY.

AND WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, I WAS OVER AT
EAST SIDE TERMINAL,

'CAUSE I HAD TO SEE SOMEONE OFF.

SHE LIVES IN BOSTON.

WELL, SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK.

WELL, ANYWAY, UH...

THERE WAS A DISTURBANCE
ON THE NEXT PLATFORM,

AND I WENT OVER THERE,
AND MR. AND MRS. ADELMAN

ARE TRYING TO DRAG MISS
SCHLESINGER OFF A BUS.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW, 'CAUSE
THEY'RE NOT TALKING.

WHAT ABOUT MISS SCHLESINGER?

BITTE, ICH VERLANGE
NACH HAUSE GEHEN.

THAT'S ABOUT MISS SCHLESINGER.

I THINK IT'S GERMAN.

REALLY, WE COULD
EXPLAIN IF YOU WOULD JUST...

WE CANNOT EXPLAIN.

YES, MRS. ADELMAN?

I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I KNOW MY RIGHTS.

WE DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING
UNTIL MY ATTORNEY ARRIVES.

ALL RIGHT, SINCE NOBODY'S
GOT ANYTHING TO SAY,

WHY DON'T WE PROCEED
WITH THE, UH, BOOKING?

OH, MY GOD.

HARRIET, THEY'RE JUST
TRYING TO SCARE US.

WOULD YOU HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE,
MR. AND MRS. ADELMAN, HERE?

ARE WE REQUIRED TO?

IF YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN, YEAH.

MISS SCHLESINGER?

OH.

WIE MUSS ES MICH
JETZT AUFSETZEN?

UH, SETZEN, JA.

GOT IT.

BARNEY, THERE'S A MAN BOTHERING
A WOMAN OVER IN LAFAYETTE PARK.

OKAY, YOU AND DIETRICH.

RIGHT.

UH, DIETRICH, WE GOT SOME
TROUBLE OVER IN LAFAYETTE PARK.

THAT'S A LITTLE NORTH OF HERE.

I KNOW WHERE THAT IS.

NICK, IT'S EXACTLY 9:00.

OH, YEAH.

IT'S A SUBTLE
DIFFERENCE, I AGREE.

WE'RE GOING DOWNSTAIRS
FOR PICTURES AND PRINTS NOW.

WILL YOU FOLLOW ME?

COME ON.

CAPTAIN, IS ALL THIS
REALLY NECESSARY?

WELL, MR. ADELMAN, CONSIDERING
THE LACK OF INFORMATION,

I'M AFRAID WE DON'T HAVE
TOO MUCH FLEXIBILITY.

BUT YOU WON'T LET
HER GO, WILL YOU?

WE HAVE NO REASON TO
HOLD MISS SCHLESINGER.

BUT SHE CAN'T LEAVE HERE!

ANA, ANA, LISTEN TO
ME! YOU STAY HERE.

SCHWERE UND NACH
DEUTSCHLAND ZU WERK.

NO DEUTSCHLAND!

WHY NOT, MRS. ADELMAN?
SHE CANNOT LEAVE!

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE!

BECAUSE SHE IS CARRYING MY BABY!

THAT'S REAL BIG OF HER.

MISS SCHLESINGER'S PREGNANT?

SEE, WE MADE AN ARRANGEMENT

TO ADOPT MISS SCHLESINGER'S
CHILD AS SOON AS IT'S BORN.

I SEE.

I TAKE IT THIS ARRANGEMENT

WAS MADE OUTSIDE
THE NORMAL CHANNELS.

OH, YEAH, WE TRIED THOSE
PLACES FOR FIVE YEARS.

AND THEY'RE COMPLETELY
OUT OF BABIES,

SO WE'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR HER FOR HOW LONG?

FOUR MONTHS.

FOUR MONTHS, AND SO SHE... OY.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES, I'M FINE.

IT'S JUST THAT THE FOURTH
MONTH IS USUALLY THE WORST.

I SEE.

ESPECIALLY IN THE MORNING.

CAPTAIN, THIS IS A
BINDING LEGAL AGREEMENT

FOR HER BABY, PAID IN FULL.

YOU CAN'T BUY A BABY.

WE GOT A RECEIPT.

UM... LOOK, MR., UH, ADELMAN,

I DON'T SPEAK ANY GERMAN,

BUT IT'S BECOME APPARENT
THAT MISS SCHLESINGER

IS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS
ABOUT THIS ARRANGEMENT.

NOW, UNTIL WE CAN
CLEAR MATTERS UP,

WE'D APPRECIATE
YOUR COOPERATION, SO...

YOU KNOW, WE TRIED FOR 15
YEARS TO HAVE OUR OWN BABY.

IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME.

OKAY, MR. McDOWELL,
RIGHT INSIDE HERE, PLEASE.

I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING
PERSONAL. IT WAS ACADEMIC.

HEY, LOOK, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

OH, THIS IS HENRY McDOWELL...

DISORDERLY CONDUCT,
LEWD BEHAVIOR...

I'D LIKE A CHANCE
TO REPLY TO THAT.

YOU'LL HAVE YOUR
OPPORTUNITY, MR. McDOWELL.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, ACCORDING TO A
MISS ADRIAN FONTANA,

MR. McDOWELL
APPROACHED HER IN THE PARK

AND BEGAN MAKING LEWD
SUGGESTIONS AND/OR REQUESTS.

AND THE NATURE OF
THOSE SUGGESTIONS?

OH, I WROTE SOME
OF THEM DOWN, BARN.

SHE CALLED ME A
PERVERT. I'M A SCHOLAR.

THERE'S NO REASON
YOU CAN'T BE BOTH.

I TAKE IT MISS FONTANA
IS PRESSING CHARGES.

WELL, SHE'S GONNA SIT
IN A HOT TUB FIRST, BARN.

THEN SHE SAID SHE'D COME
DOWN AND MAKE OUT A COMPLAINT.

I WAS JUST DOING
RESEARCH ON MY WORK.

WHAT WORK IS THAT?

I BELIEVE HE'S
REFERRING TO THIS.

MY DICTIONARY IS GOING TO
BE A COMPLETE COMPILATION

OF OBSCENITY AND PROFANITY
IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

YEAH, IT'S DAMN HEAVY, TOO.

I JUST WANTED TO SURVEY
THE REACTION OF PEOPLE

TO CERTAIN VULGARISMS.

I'M AFRAID WE'RE GONNA NEED
SOME INFORMATION ANYWAY,

MR. McDOWELL.

SERGEANT HARRIS?

YOU WANT TO COME
OVER HERE, PLEASE?

I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON THIS FOR 10 YEARS.

I'M ONLY UP TO THE LETTER "S."

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A SEAT?

STRENGTH REPORT
YOU REQUESTED, SIR.

THAT WAS FAST.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY
I CAN WORK, SIR.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE
GAINED A LOT OF ENERGY.

YOU CATCH A NAP OR SOMETHING?

NO, BUT I FEEL FINE.

GUESS YOU JUST GOT
YOUR SECOND WIND.

OKAY.

LEVITT, IS THE MAIL HERE YET?

OH, YES, I FORGOT. I'M SORRY.

BE RIGHT BACK. DON'T GO AWAY.

EXCUSE ME.

WONDER WHERE HE GOT THOSE PILLS.

WHAT WAS THAT?

OH, HEY, FORGET THAT, BARNEY.

OKAY.

- BARN.
- YO.

THAT'S PHILIP KUBRICK.
HE'S THE ADELMANS' LAWYER.

HE'S THE GUY THAT
ENGINEERED THIS WHOLE THING.

I'M GONNA PICK HIM UP... CREEP.

UH, WOJO, JUST,
UH... JUST TALK TO HIM.

HE'S, UH... WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW IF HE'S BROKEN ANY LAWS.

BARN, YOU CAN'T
BUY AND SELL PEOPLE.

IT SAYS SO IN THE UNITED
STATES CONSTITUTION.

AND I'LL BET IT'S THE
SAME IN NEW YORK.

WOJO... I'LL CHECK IT OUT.

OKAY, MR. McDOWELL, COME
ON, GOT TO PUT YOU IN THE CAGE.

OBSCENITY HAS BEEN A
PART OF PEOPLE'S LIVES

SINCE LANGUAGE BEGAN.

YET PEOPLE ARE SO
COMPLETELY IGNORANT ABOUT IT.

WELL, MR. McDOWELL, I
FEEL FAIRLY SAFE IN SAYING

I'VE HEARD JUST
ABOUT EVERYTHING.

SLUTZER.

COME AGAIN?

SLUTZER.

IT'S A TERM OF DERISION
FROM THE CELTIC,

DENOTING SOMEONE WHO'S
UNUSUALLY FOND OF ANIMALS.

OH, YEAH.

I GUESS THAT'S WHERE
WE GET "SHEPHERD" FROM.

YOU MAY BE IN A LOT
OF TROUBLE, MISTER.

SO MAY YOU.

MR. KUBRICK!

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

WELL, SHE WAS LEAVING.

SHE WAS TAKING THE BABY
AND GOING BACK TO GERMANY.

I TOLD YOU, ANA,
NEIN DEUTSCHLAND.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

LET'S JUST TAKE IT
EASY, MISTER, UH...

THAT'S PHILIP KUBRICK.

MR. KUBRICK, I'M CAPTAIN MILLER.

AND I'M AN ATTORNEY.

I FOUND HIM IN HIS APARTMENT
BUILDING, WHICH HE OWNS,

OVER ON MADISON AND 23rd.

THAT'S AROUND THE BLOCK FROM ME.

PLACE IS FULL OF PREGNANT GIRLS.

OF COURSE, I DON'T
GET OUT THAT MUCH.

IS THAT ILLEGAL?

BARN, YOU GOT TO SEE THIS PLACE.

HE'S GOT IT SET UP
LIKE A DORMITORY...

BUNCH OF ROWS OF BEDS LIKE
HE'S WAITING FOR THEM TO HATCH.

OH, SERGEANT, THAT'S REALLY
A RATHER CRUDE METAPHOR.

WELL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA MAKE AN OMELET,

YOU GOT TO BREAK
A COUPLE OF EGGS.

CAPTAIN, AM I BEING CHARGED
WITH BREAKING THE LAW?

YES! THIS ONE!

UH, WHICH LAW IS THAT?

UH, THAT'S THE NEW YORK
STATE ADOPTION CODE.

WHAT SECTION HAVE I VIOLATED?

WELL, IT'S KIND OF TRICKY.

CAPTAIN, THIS IS
REALLY RIDICULOUS.

UM... COUNSELOR, UH...

WE OBVIOUSLY HAVE A SITUATION
HERE THAT YOU ARE INVOLVED IN,

AND UNTIL WE CAN SORT IT OUT,
WE'D LIKE YOUR COOPERATION.

I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST
PARK IT RIGHT OVER THERE?

Wojo: HE'S TRYING
TO DO SOMETHING.

THEY SAID YOU
WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR.

UH, YEAH, LEVITT, UH...

DO ME A FAVOR.
WAIT IN MY OFFICE.

I'LL BE IN IN A
MINUTE. WE CAN TALK.

REGARDING WHAT, SIR?

LEVITT, JUST GO IN MY
OFFICE AND SIT DOWN.

- SIT?
- YES.

ALL RIGHT, BUT WITH YOUR
PERMISSION, I MAY JUST PACE.

BITTE, ICH HABE DOCH...

ICH HABE GEN KEINE
GESETZE VERSTOSSEN.

WE STILL HAVEN'T GOT
ANYONE WHO SPEAKS GERMAN?

NO.

NICK, WHY DON'T YOU
TRY A DELICATESSEN

OR A GERMAN RESTAURANT?

YEAH, THERE'S A SPOT
TWO BLOCKS DOWN...

LITTLE ARGENTINA.

BITTE, LASSEN SIE
MICH DOCH GEHEN?

ETWAS MIR WERDEN.

DU MUSST NICHT ZU SCHWER.
ALLES WERDEN ORDNUNG SEIN.

- WIRKLICH?
- JA, JA.

YOU SPEAK GERMAN?

WELL, I DABBLED.

WOULD YOU MIND DABBLING
WITH MISS SCHLESINGER?

I COULD TRY.

UH... TALK TO HER, HUH?

UH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT, HERE.

GUTE FILME KUERZLICH EINSEHEN?

NEIN.

WHAT'D YOU ASK HER?

"SEE ANY GOOD MOVIES LATELY?"

LEVITT, I WANTED... I WANTED...

UH... LEVITT, I-I WANTED TO
TALK TO YOU ALONE BECAUSE I...

I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS
TO YOU TO BE A POLICE OFFICER

AND HOW EAGER YOU ARE TO
ADVANCE IN THE DEPARTMENT.

AM I BEING LAID OFF, SIR?

NO, LEVITT.

OH, JUST YOUR SENSE
OF HUMOR, I SEE.

LEVITT, I'M TALKING ABOUT

THE USE OF NARCOTIC
STIMULANTS ON THE JOB.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE REFERRING TO, SIR.

LEVITT.

I JUST TOOK ONE.

SPARE ME THE DETAILS.

IT WAS JUST THAT I WAS
FALLING ASLEEP ON MY FEET.

IF YOU FEEL THAT WAY, JUST
CHECK OUT AND GO HOME!

NO ONE'S ASKING
YOU TO KILL YOURSELF!

RESPECTFULLY, THAT'S
EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, SIR.

YOU'RE A CAPTAIN OF
REMARKABLE ABILITIES, TALENTS.

YOU COMMAND
RESPECT AND AUTHORITY.

- LEVITT...
- I'M NOT THROUGH YET, SIR.

I REALIZE THE ONLY THING I HAVE
GOING FOR MYSELF IS ENDURANCE.

LEVITT, I... CAN UNDERSTAND
THAT SOMETIMES IT APPEARS

THAT PROGRESS IS COMING
PAINFULLY SLOWLY, BUT IT...

IT IS COMING.

YOU THINK SO, SIR?

WELL, YOU'RE A GOOD COP.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DEPEND
ON ARTIFICIAL AIDS TO DO YOUR JOB.

- YES, SIR.
- GOOD.

I WON'T WEAR THEM AGAIN.

WHAT?

THE LIFTS.

FRAEULEIN, YOU
SIGNED AN AGREEMENT!

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

BLOW IT OUT YOUR EAR!

WAS THAT "BLOW
IT OUT YOUR" WHAT?

I DIDN'T HEAR IT, BUT I
THINK IT'LL COME UP AGAIN.

OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT!

LET'S HOLD IT
DOWN! HOLD IT DOWN!

PUT A LID ON IT!

I GOT 'EM TALKING.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT
ONE AT A TIME NOW, HUH?

BITTE, ICH VERLANGE
NACH HAUSE GEHEN.

SHE SAYS SHE JUST
WANTS TO GO HOME.

UH, MISS SCHLESINGER, UH,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
HAVE A SEAT OVER HERE?

JUST... JUST TAKE IT EASY.

NOW, IT SAYS IN THE NEW
YORK STATE ADOPTION CODE

THAT IT'S ILLEGAL
FOR AN ATTORNEY

TO ACCEPT A FEE
FOR SUPPLYING A BABY!

AND I DIDN'T RECEIVE A CENT.

WE GAVE YOU $5,000!

WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT LATER!

$5,000?

MR. ADELMAN IS A
LITTLE CONFUSED.

THE FEE WAS NOT FOR
PROCURING A BABY,

BUT SIMPLY FOR SERVICES
RENDERED IN FINALIZING AN ADOPTION.

THERE'S RESEARCH, PAPERWORK,
POSTAGE, ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

OF COURSE.

MR. ADELMAN, IS THAT THE
WAY YOU UNDERSTOOD IT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY A THING.

THERE'S THE
ATTORNEY/CLIENT PRIVILEGE.

THAT'S TO PROTECT THE CLIENT.

NO, IT GOES BOTH WAYS.

MISTER, UH...
MR. ADELMAN... CAPTAIN...

I-I GUESS I WAS
JUST A BIT CONFUSED.

I MEAN...

UH, UH, DIETRICH,

ASK HER IF HE GAVE HER ANY
MONEY TO GIVE UP HER BABY.

HABT DER KUBRICK GELD GEGEBEN

UND DAS KIND AUF ZU GEBEN?

NEIN, ICH WILL NICHT SAGEN.

SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO SAY ANYTHING.

SHE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME.

I TAKE IT THAT MEANS

SHE HAS NO INTENTION
OF GIVING UP HER BABY.

UND DU HAST NICHT DIE
ABSICHT DAS KIND AUF ZU GEBEN?

NEIN, ES IST MEIN BABY!

SHE SAYS... I THINK I GOT THAT.

I ASSUME THAT MEANS
SHE HAS NO INTENTION

OF PRESSING CHARGES
AGAINST THE ADELMANS.

WOLLEN SIE GEGEN DIE
ADELMANS AB ZEIGE ERSTATTEN?

NEIN.

OKAY, TELL HER SHE'S FREE TO GO.

BUT, CAPTAIN... MRS. ADELMAN.

WELL, IS SHE SURE SHE
KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING?

I MEAN, ANA, IT'S A BABY.

YOU KNOW THERE'S
FEEDING AND THERE'S

CARRYING
AND CHANGING.

IT'S GONNA BE ALL
RIGHT, HARRIET.

REALLY, IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

COME ON.

DANKE.

DANKE SCHOEN.

NO PROBLEM.

UH, DIETRICH, YOU WANT TO TAKE
MISS SCHLESINGER DOWNSTAIRS,

MAKE SURE SHE GETS IN A CAB?

ANA...

ANA... OH, UH...

WOULD YOU TELL HER, PLEASE,

THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO
KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HER,

THAT MAYBE WHEN
THE BABY IS BORN,

MAYBE YOU'LL SEND
US A LITTLE NOTE?

YEAH, WE'LL GIVE HIM A
LITTLE PRESENT OR SOMETHING,

YOU KNOW, FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.

AND TELL HER THIS IS
MY BUSINESS ADDRESS,

AND SHE CAN MAIL
TO THAT ADDRESS.

AND IF THE BABY NEEDS ANYTHING
AT ALL, ANYTHING, SHE'S GOT IT.

TELL HER.

UH, SIE WOLLEN KONTAKT HALTEN.

I CUT IT FOR TIME.

JA, DAS MAG ICH.

AUF WIEDERSEHEN.

YEAH, WIEDERSEHEN.

KOMMEN, WIE GEHEN JETZT.

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE, MISS SCHLESINGER.

DIETRICH... THANK YOU.

I'LL BE BACK IN A WINZIG.

CAPTAIN, WILL YOU BE REQUIRING
ANYTHING FURTHER OF ME?

NO, MR. KUBRICK. YOU CAN GO.

BARN...

UH, BUT, UH, I'D LIKE
YOU TO KNOW THAT

WE'RE GOING TO KEEP AN
EYE ON YOUR OPERATION,

THAT A COPY OF SERGEANT
WOJCIEHOWICZ'S REPORT

WILL BE SENT TO THE
DISTRICT ATTORNEY'S OFFICE.

WONDERFUL. IS
THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, THAT'S ALL.

UH, BARN. I, UH,
CHECKED OUT McDOWELL.

ANY PRIORS?

UH-HUH.

MS, PhD.

WHAT ABOUT MISS FONTANA?

SHE'S STILL IN THE TUB.

NO TELLING WHEN
SHE'S GETTING OUT.

WE CAN'T KEEP THE POOR
MAN IN THERE INDEFINITELY.

CALL HER UP, AND IF SHE WON'T
COME DOWN, TURN HIM LOOSE.

RIGHT, BARN.

MAY WE GO NOW?

YEAH, SURE.

OKAY. COME ON, HARRIET.

YEAH.

OH, CAPTAIN?

- GOODBYE.
- GOODBYE.

SORRY FOR THE TROUBLE.

GOOD LUCK, MRS. ADELMAN.

LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

LOOK, WE'LL FIND SOME
WAY. I PROMISE YOU.

SURE.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED
IN-VITRO FERTILIZATION?

WHAT?

IT'S A NEW PROCEDURE

WHERE AN OVUM IS FERTILIZED
OUTSIDE THE WOMAN'S BODY

AND THEN REPLACED IN THE WOMB.

BY WHO?

THERE ARE SEVERAL MEN
QUALIFIED WHO COULD...

FORGET IT!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

A-ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
SOMETHING LIKE A TEST-TUBE BABY?

LET'S GO, HARRIET.

NO, JUST WAIT A MINUTE,
HAROLD. YOU JUST WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

ARE YOU SAYING THAT
MAYBE IT IS POSSIBLE

THAT I COULD HAVE
MY VERY OWN BABY?

IT'S POSSIBLE.

HAROLD, DID YOU
HEAR WHAT HE SAID?

LOOK... DID YOU
HEAR WHAT HE SAID?

I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT THE IDEA.

CAN WE AT LEAST TALK ABOUT IT?

- IT'S NOT NATURAL.
- WHY?

LABORATORIES,
TEST TUBES... PYREX.

IT'S MY OWN PERSONAL PREFERENCE.

- GOODBYE.
- GOODBYE.

- YOU LISTEN TO ME.
- NO.

NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME.

- WHY?
- BECAUSE.

WELL, IT APPEARS MISS
FONTANA'S GONNA BE BE A NO-SHOW,

SO WE'RE GONNA TURN YOU LOOSE.

OH, THAT'S VERY
KIND OF YOU, OFFICER.

THANK YOU.

HERE YOU GO. DON'T
FORGET YOUR DICTIONARY.

OH, THANK YOU, CAPTAIN.

I KNOW MY WORK SEEMS
STRANGE TO SOME PEOPLE,

BUT OBSCENITY PROVIDES
AN IMPORTANT RELEASE

FOR HOSTILITY AND ANGER

THAT OTHERWISE MIGHT BE
EXPRESSED MORE VIOLENTLY.

I GUESS YOU JUST HAVE TO
BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU USE IT.

YES.

THAT'S A SHAME, ISN'T IT?

GOOD LUCK.

YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING...

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO FIND AN OBSCENE WORD

THAT BEGAN WITH THE LETTER "Z."

ZELDA.

I GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

UH, IF YOU WANT ME,
I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE.

OKAY.