Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 4, Episode 9 - Thanksgiving Story - full transcript

The detectives clean up the mess after three mental patients have Thanksgiving dinner at a laundromat.

WHAT YOU LOOKING FOR?

THE POINT SPREADS ON
THE FOOTBALL GAMES TODAY.

EVEN ON THANKSGIVING?

THEY PLAY ANYTIME.

I CAN'T FIND IT.

MAYBE IT'S NOT IN THERE.

NO, THEY'RE ALL HERE...

UH, EXCEPT THE TEAM
THAT I PUT A BUNDLE ON.

WHICH TEAM WAS THAT?

ALCORN STATE.

ALCORN STATE?



NEVER HEARD OF IT.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO.

THEY'RE UNDERDOGS,

BUT THEY'RE PLAYING
THEIR ARCHRIVALS,

AND SO I FIGURE
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

ALCORN STATE.

IT REEKS OF
TRADITION, DOESN'T IT?

TRADITION'S A POSSIBILITY.

SO, UH, I'LL PICK UP SOME WINE
TO GO ALONG WITH THE BIRD.

OH, THAT SOUNDS DELICIOUS, YEAH.

NO, I DON'T HAVE
A FAVORITE PART.

OH.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TALKING ABOUT THE TURKEY.



ALL RIGHT, COME
ON IN. GET INSIDE.

YOU CAN'T ARREST
ME. IT WAS MY HOUSE.

I CAN DO WHATEVER I
WANT IN MY OWN HOUSE.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

ED GERRITY... STABBED HIS
BROTHER-IN-LAW WITH A FORK.

WITH A FORK?

YEAH, BARN. THEY WERE
FIGHTING OVER THIS.

YOU STABBED SOMEONE
OVER A TURKEY DRUMSTICK?

IT'S MY DRUMSTICK FROM MY TURKEY

SITTING ON MY TABLE.

I PAID FOR THAT
STUFF. HE DIDN'T.

THE BUM HASN'T
WORKED IN TWO YEARS!

WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER GUY?

THEY'RE PATCHING
HIM UP AT THE HOSPITAL.

HE GOT STUCK IN THE HAND.

HE'S LUCKY I DIDN'T HAVE
THE ELECTRIC CARVING KNIFE.

I COULD SAW THROUGH
A LOG WITH THAT BABY.

BET YOU COULD.

ALL RIGHT, DIETRICH, BOOK HIM.

EMPTY YOUR POCKETS.

THE BUM DESERVED IT.

UH, BARNEY,

YOU WANT ME TO CHECK
HIM FOR PRIOR FORKINGS?

I'M SORRY.

OH, THEY'RE GOING TO BRING THE
BROTHER-IN-LAW OVER, BARNEY,

AS SOON AS THEY
REMOVE THE WEAPON.

WHATEVER HAPPENED

TO OLD-FASHIONED
THANKSGIVING, YOU KNOW?

YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

YOUR MOTHER MADE
A BIG ROAST TURKEY...

STUFFING, CRANBERRIES.

SPAM.

SORRY.

YOU KNOW, SHE'D FORM THAT STUFF

INTO LITTLE DRUMSTICKS.

I SAID I'M SORRY.

WHAT'S THE VICTIM'S NAME?

POWELL. PAUL POWELL.

AND HE AIN'T THE VICTIM... I AM!

HIM AND MY SISTER
HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH US

FOR NINE MONTHS.

YOU'RE A COMPASSIONATE
MAN, MR. GERRITY.

HE'S A LOUSY BUM.
YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS?

A SCULPTOR.

HE'S A LOUSY SCULPTOR.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO,

LEAVE HER OUT THERE
TO STARVE WITH HIM?

THAT'S A FAMILIAR
PATTERN WITH ARTISTS,

PARTICULARLY THE GREAT ONES.

OH, YEAH?

A LACK OF RECOGNITION AND
APPRECIATION OF THEIR WORK

DURING THEIR LIFETIMES.

WHAT?

IN FACT, MOST GREAT ARTISTS
ONLY ATTAIN ACCEPTANCE

AND NOTORIETY
AFTER THEY'RE DEAD.

YOU ALMOST FORKED
HIM INTO PROMINENCE.

WHERE AT?

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

GOT IT.

A PRIVATE, UH,
PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL ON 8th.

THREE PATIENTS ESCAPED.

WONDERFUL.

ALL RIGHT, WOJO, YOU AND, UM...

I'LL GO WITH HIM, BARNEY.

I'M BORED.

WELL, I HOPE THIS PROVES
ENTERTAINING ENOUGH FOR YOU.

LET'S GO, HARRIS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I FEEL RESTRICTED BY
THIS WHOLE CONTINENT.

I THINK WHAT I'VE GOT TO DO...

I GOT TO GO ABROAD.

YOU GOT TO GET ONE.

HOW PROVINCIAL.

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AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.

I HAVE FOR YOU HERE

THE LATEST
INTERDEPARTMENTAL BULLETINS,

COMMUNIQUÉS, MEMOS.

OH, SIR.

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO BE THE FIRST TO WISH
YOU AND THE MEN A VERY...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY!

SIR, I...

IT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU WERE FIRST.

THANK YOU, SIR.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DIETRICH.

THANK YOU, INSPECTOR.

WELL, NOW, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO WISH ME THE SAME...

THAT IS, IF YOU
GOT ANY BREEDING.

OF COURSE, INSPECTOR.

IT'S JUST THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN

A STRICT ADHERENT OF THE CUSTOM.

I'M AN AGNOSTIC,

HENCE THE UNCERTAINTY OF
WHO TO THANK SPECIFICALLY.

WELL, MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE THAT TROUBLE, YOU KNOW,

IF JERRY FORD WAS
STILL IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

I DIDN'T VOTE FOR MR. PEANUT,

DON'T GO TAKING IT
OUT ON ME, DIETRICH.

I MEAN, SAYING
"HAPPY THANKSGIVING"

IS JUST THE SAME AS YOU
SAYING "GOOD MORNING.

HI, BUDDY."

THAT'S TRUE.

SO?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

HIYA, BUDDY.

WELL, WHAT BRINGS YOU
DOWN HERE, INSPECTOR?

I MEAN, HOLIDAY AND ALL.

OH, BARNEY.

I JUST COME DOWN TO WISH
THE BOYS A HAPPY THANKSGIVING,

AND TO THANK YOU, BARNEY.

THANK ME FOR WHAT?

FOR HAVING ME TO YOUR HOME
FOR DINNER LAST CHRISTMAS.

WELL, IT WAS OUR,
UH... PLEASURE.

THANKS, BARNEY. I MEAN IT.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT...

TAKING A LONELY OLD
MAN IN OFF THE STREETS,

NO PLACE TO GO ON A HOLIDAY.

WE REALLY LOVED IT, INSPECTOR.

LOVED HAVING YOU.

HERE IT IS THANKSGIVING, HUH?

TIME SURE DOES FLY.

I WAS THINKING OF TAKING A VISIT

UP AT THE NURSING HOME,

YOU KNOW, TO SEE OLD BROWNIE.

WELL, I'M SURE HE'D
APPRECIATE THAT.

APPRECIATE IT?

BARNEY.

HE CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ME AND A LAMP.

NO IMPROVEMENT, HUH?

NAH.

JUST LAYS THERE LIKE
A SACK FULL OF JELL-O.

HE GURGLES EVERY NOW AND THEN.

OH.

BRING IT IN. LET'S
COME ON IN HERE.

A RESPONSIBILITY AS A
PROFESSIONAL NURSE!

I CANNOT BE EVERYWHERE
AT ONCE, DR. ENGELS!

EVERYWHERE, NO. SOMEWHERE, YES.

YOU CAN BE SOMEWHERE
AT ONCE, MISS KREWSON.

THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH
NURSES, FOR GOD'S SAKES!

ARE THERE ENOUGH NURSES?

I'D LIKE TO SEE SOME MORE.

HOLD ON. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

LET'S JUST TAKE IT EASY NOW.

BARNEY, THIS IS, UH, DR. ENGELS.

HE'S THE HEAD SHRINK
OVER AT THE HOSPITAL.

HARRIS.

BARN, I MEAN, THAT'S THE WAY
HE REFERS TO HIMSELF, HUH?

WELL, IN AN ATMOSPHERE
SUCH AS OURS,

IT HELPS RELAX THE PATIENTS.

YOU SEE, HUMOR IS USEFUL
IN TREATING NEUROSIS...

ALL KINDS OF NEUROSIS...

AS IS MEDICINE,
AS IS ENVIRONMENT.

AND, UH, BARN,

THIS IS MISS KREWSON
AND MR. BRUGER.

THEY WERE ON DUTY WHEN
THE PATIENTS ESCAPED.

DON'T SAY ESCAPED! NOT ESCAPED!

SAY "WANDERED OFF."

AFTER ALL, WE'RE NOT A
PRISON OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

THREE OF THEM WANDERED OFF...

RIGHT AFTER LOCKING
THESE TWO IN THE CLOSET.

YOU WEREN'T HURT, WERE YOU?

OH, THEY NEVER TOUCHED US.

WE WERE ALREADY IN THERE.

UH, WE WERE CHECKING
THE INVENTORY.

THEY LOCKED US IN THE CLOSET.

HARRIS, YOU WANT
TO GET A STATEMENT

FROM MISS KREWSON, MR. BRUGER?

MISS KREWSON, COME ON.

DOCTOR, IF YOU'LL
HAVE A SEAT OVER HERE,

DETECTIVE WOJCIEHOWICZ
WILL TAKE YOUR STATEMENT.

BARNEY? I THINK I'LL BE GOING.

DOWNSTAIRS.

OH.

YEAH, JUST FOR A MINUTE.

I WANT TO WISH THE UNIFORMS

A HAPPY AND ACTIVE THANKSGIVING.

JUST WANTED YOU TO
KNOW WHERE I'LL BE,

IN CASE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

♪ HURRAH FOR THE FUN ♪

♪ IS THE PUDDING DONE? ♪

♪ HURRAH FOR THE PUMPKIN PIE ♪

UH... DID, UM, THESE PEOPLE

EVER TRY TO LEAVE
THE PLACE BEFORE?

OH, NO. USUALLY
THEY'RE VERY TRANQUIL.

THERE'S NO PROBLEM
CONTROLLING THEM.

BUT SOMETIMES, NOW,
THEY DO TRICK US.

THEY DON'T TAKE
THEIR MEDICATION.

AND THEN THEY BECOME
VERY... UH... LUCID?

EXACTLY.

HEY, WHEN CAN I GET OUT OF HERE?

THERE WILL BE NO
DETERMINATION, MR. GERRITY,

TILL YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW
COMES DOWN

AND MAKES A STATEMENT.

IT'D BE JUST LIKE THE BUM TO
PRESS CHARGES AGAINST ME.

YOU STABBED HIM!

HE ANNOYED ME!

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKELY YOU
WON'T BE CHARGED AT ALL.

WHAT?

90% OF DOMESTIC ASSAULTS

NEVER REACH THE COURTROOM STAGE.

YEAH?

STATISTICS PROVE
YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW

WILL LET YOU OUT.

GOOD.

AND WITHIN A WEEK,
ATTEMPT REVENGE.

HEY, BARN.

DISTURBANCE IN THE
AUTOMAT OVER ON 10th.

WHAT KIND OF DISTURBANCE?

SOME GUY'S RAISING HELL.

THE AUTOMAT ON 10th?
WHY, THAT'S NEAR THE HOME.

YEAH, HE TOOK HIS CLOTHES OFF.

HE'S RUNNING AROUND NAKED.

CHARMING.

THAT COULD BE DUCAY!

HE DOES THAT WHEN
HE'S THREATENED.

ALL RIGHT, DIETRICH,
GO WITH WOJO.

BETTER TAKE BRUGER WITH YOU.

HE'S TRAINED IN
HUMANE RESTRAINT.

OH, YES.

AND ALSO CAN POSITIVELY
IDENTIFY THE OTHERS.

HEY!

AM I GONNA HAVE A NAKED
CRAZY PERSON IN HERE WITH ME?

NO VISITORS.

OKAY, MISS KREWSON, HERE WE GO.

OH, THANK YOU.

YOU'RE SO KIND.

THANK YOU.

BUT I GUESS THAT
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

KINDNESS...

I GUESS IT JUST
DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

15 YEARS I WORKED
WITH THOSE PEOPLE.

WHAT DO THEY DO? THEY
LOCK ME IN A CLOSET.

OH, COME ON.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE.

THEY'RE INSANE.

IF YOU SAY SO.

AND I HAVE ALWAYS
GIVEN TO THE INSANE.

I HAVE ALWAYS GIVEN TO
ANYONE WHO EVER NEEDED ME.

THE HALT... THE
LAME... AND THE BLIND.

YOU SEE, I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED

THAT IT IS BETTER TO
GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
THE ALCORN GAME?

NO, NICK.

OH. SORRY.

IF YOU WANT IT, ALL
YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK.

THAT IS ALL I HAVE EVER
REQUIRED OF ANYBODY...

AT ANY TIME.

OH, I SEE.

YOU ASK, I GIVE.

IS THIS COFFEE TOO HOT?

HUH?

OH.

YOU KNOW, LOCKED
IN THAT CLOSET...

THAT'S THE THANKS I GET.

POOR KENNY. HE WAS SO SCARED.

KENNY?

KENNY... THE BIG ATTENDANT.

I SEE.

CONFINEMENT IN THAT...
THAT SMALL AREA...

AND FORCED UP AGAINST
EACH OTHER IN THAT...

HOT, TORRID CLOSET.

HE NEEDED ME.

HE ASKED AND... I GAVE.

DO YOU HAVE SOME WATER?

IT'S OVER THERE, BY
THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

THANK YOU.

MAY I HELP YOU?

YEAH, I-I'M PAUL POWELL.

YES?

AH, THE BROTHER-IN-LAW.

YOU MEAN THE BUM. HE'S ARRIVED.

- HELLO, EDDIE.
- HELLO, BUM.

EDDIE, H-HOW COULD YOU DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO ME?

IT WAS EASY, BELIEVE ME.

I WOULD RATHER THAT YOU
HAD STABBED ME IN MY HEART.

SUE ME. I MISSED.

OKAY, NOW, WE'RE ALL
GONNA GO INTO THIS ROOM.

INTO THIS ROOM.

INTO THIS ROOM?

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT US
TO GO INTO SOME OTHER ROOM?

NO. I WANT YOU TO
GO INTO THIS ROOM.

YOU'RE A WEIRD KID.

MOVE INSIDE.

DON'T ANYBODY CROWD ME,
OR MY PANTS ARE COMING OFF.

BIG DEAL!

I MEAN IT.

YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING WE
HAVEN'T ALL SEEN BEFORE.

RIGHT?

OR A REASONABLE FACSIMILE.

WHAT ARE YOU ASKING HIM FOR?

WE COULD ALL GET A PNEUMONIA.

THE AUTOMAT WAS A MESS, BARN.

THIS GUY WAS RUNNING AROUND
WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES ON,

AND THE OLD GUY HERE

WAS THROWING FOOD
ALL OVER THE PLACE.

HOLD IT. JUST HOLD IT.

DOCTOR, YOU DID SAY
THEY WERE HARMLESS.

OH, ABSOLUTELY.

AT WORST, THEY'RE
RECALCITRANT CHILDREN.

HOLD IT! HOLD IT! WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

LET'S HOLD IT DOWN.

I'M CAPTAIN MILLER.

UH, WE'RE GONNA TRY TO
SOLVE WHATEVER PROBLEMS

SEEM TO HAVE COME UP.

IN THE MEANTIME,

WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU AS
COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE.

WELL, YOU GOT A
TOILET IN THIS ROOM?

CERTAINLY, MR., UH...

BIEDERMAN. RUDOLPH BIEDERMAN.

BIEDERMAN.

WOJO, WOULD YOU
ACCOMPANY MR. BIEDERMAN?

YEAH. THIS WAY, MR. BIEDERMAN.

MISS RATHER SHOVED HER ARM

THROUGH ONE OF
THOSE GLASS WINDOWS...

TRIED TO GRAB ONE OF THE COOKS.

THEY WERE OUT OF
TURKEY SANDWICHES.

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO GET HIS ATTENTION.

UH, WOULD YOU HAVE
A SEAT, MISS RATHER?

CERTAINLY.

IT'S NO MORE THAN I DESERVE.

NOW I'LL GO IN THAT ROOM,

AND YOU STAY IN THIS ROOM, HMM?

YEAH, YEAH, SURE. ALL RIGHT.

WEIRD KID.

NAKEDNESS IS TRUTH!

CLOTHES ARE A LIE!

OFF THE RACK, YEAH.
COME ON, SIT DOWN.

YOU CAN'T FOOL ANYBODY
WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON.

- REMEMBER HITLER?
- UM, VAGUELY.

WHO WOULD HAVE
BELIEVED HIM IN THE NUDE?

WITHOUT HIS UNIFORMS,

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO LIE.

OR TO SPEND ANY TIME
AT BERCHTESGADEN.

FREEZE YOUR BUNS IN THE ALPS.

UH, BARN?

THE MANAGER OF THE AUTOMAT

SAID THEY MIGHT WANT
TO PRESS CHARGES.

DIDN'T YOU TELL THEM THEY
WERE MENTAL PATIENTS?

HE SAID HE DOESN'T
LIKE TO ENCOURAGE

THAT SORT OF THING.

VERY COMPASSIONATE.

WELL, UH, HERE'S
HIS PHONE NUMBER.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

CAPTAIN? I CONFESS.

I MURDERED MY HUSBAND.

- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- AN ABERRATION, CAPTAIN.

ANA, YOUR HUSBAND
IS STILL ALIVE.

YOU ONLY IMAGINED
THAT YOU MURDERED HIM.

BALONEY!

ANA, HE LEFT YOU
FOR ANOTHER WOMAN!

ASK HIM IF HE'S SEEN HIM LATELY.

HAVE YOU SEEN HIM LATELY?

ARE YOU GONNA BELIEVE HER OR ME?

WOULD YOU HAVE A
SEAT, MISS RATHER?

WE'LL, UH, WE'LL LOOK INTO IT.

ALCORN STATE.

A-L-C-O-R-N.

YOU GOT A SCORE?

NOTHING-NOTHING,
LAST TIME I HEARD.

- YEAH.
- BARNEY.

UH, NEED ANYTHING FROM
THE MARKET, BARNEY?

I'M GOING DOWN TO
PICK OUT A BABY TURKEY.

NO, THANKS.

JUST A LITTLE ONE, YOU KNOW.

ABOUT A POUND, POUND AND A HALF.

YOU CAN'T GET TOO MUCH
ON A HOT PLATE, YOU KNOW?

RIGHT.

NOT LIKE THEM BIG SUCKERS
MY GRANDMOTHER USED TO COOK.

AH, THOSE DAYS ARE GONE FOREVER,

I GUESS, HUH, BARNEY?

YEP.

GRANDMA'S GONE.

GRANDPA'S GONE.

IT'S ALL OVER, BARNEY.

UH, YEAH, UM...

MAY I SPEAK WITH
THE MANAGER, PLEASE?

THIS IS CAPTAIN MILLER
OF THE 12th PRECINCT.

WOULD YOU ASK HIM TO
CALL ME WHEN HE COMES IN?

THANK YOU.

WHAT THE HELL, BARNEY?

I MEAN, HOLIDAYS ARE
FOR THE KIDS, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

BURNS YOU UP, THOUGH, DON'T IT?

WELL, SOMEONE ONCE SAID,

"YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG."

YEAH.

MICKEY ROONEY, I THINK IT WAS.

THIS WAY, MR., UH, BIEDERMAN.

SURE.

YOU GOT A SON?

NO.

WELL, DON'T GET ONE.

WHEN THEY GROW UP,
THEY HAVE YOU COMMITTED.

YOUR SON HAD YOU COMMITTED?

YEAH, THEY SAID I MADE
TOO MUCH NOISE WHEN I EAT.

I GOT TO ASK YOU
A FEW QUESTIONS.

I'M 82 YEARS OLD,
ENGELS IS OUT OF HIS MIND,

AND THE PLACE IS A DUMP.

THAT'S NOT TRUE, SERGEANT.

WE HAVE A REPUTABLE STAFF

AND A VERY WELL-RUN
ORGANIZATION.

YOU WON'T LET ME WATCH
TV OR EAT BY MYSELF.

YOU THROW YOUR FOOD.

WELL, IT STINKS!

ANYONE IN HIS RIGHT
MIND WOULD THROW IT.

ISN'T THAT SO?

I SUPPOSE.

YOU SEE?

SERGEANT, THE FIRST
RULE OF PSYCHIATRY

IS NOT TO REINFORCE
DEVIANT BEHAVIOR.

OH, SIT ON IT, ENGELS.

DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.

UH, CAPTAIN? CAPTAIN?

I'M NOT GONNA SIGN
THIS COMPLAINT FORM.

I WANT TO HAVE MY
BROTHER-IN-LAW RELEASED.

I'M DELIGHTED TO
HEAR THAT, MR. POWELL.

NICK, TURN GERRITY LOOSE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE YOUR REASONS.

WHY ARE YOU LETTING ME OUT?

UH, POWELL DECIDED
NOT TO PROSECUTE.

WHY?

IT'S MY WAY OF SAYING THANK YOU.

FOR WHAT?

FOR LETTING ME LIVE IN
YOUR HOUSE FOR SO LONG.

FOR ALLOWING ME TO
CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK.

FOR ALL THAT FOOD YOU
GAVE ME IN THE PAST...

WITHOUT STABBING ME.

DON'T TRY TO MAKE
ME FEEL GUILTY.

I WON'T.

YOU'LL HAVE TO SIGN
FOR YOUR PROPERTY.

LISTEN, EDDIE,

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO GIVE YOU ONE THING.

LET ME DO THIS FOR YOU, HUH?

NO STRINGS!

ABSOLUTELY NO STRINGS.

SIGN HERE.

12th PRECINCT, YEMANA.

YEAH. BARNEY?

THANK YOU.

CAPTAIN MILLER HERE.

HERE'S YOUR TURKEY.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

HE LET ME GO. YOU WERE RIGHT.

AND WITHIN THE WEEK?

COME ON, EDDIE.

LET'S GO HOME.

THANK YOU.

RIGHT.

DR. ENGEL, I JUST SPOKE TO
THE MANAGER OF THE AUTOMAT.

HE SAYS HE'S NOT
GONNA PRESS CHARGES,

SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR
PEOPLE BACK TO THE HOME.

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE!

NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!

CALM, CALM, CALM, PEOPLE!

IT'S TIME TO RIDE THE BIG BUS!

OH, BOY. A BIG BUS.

GOODY, GOODY, GOODY!

WE GONNA RIDE IN THE BIG BUS!

DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM.
DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM.

I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS.

IT'S HEALTHIER TO
LIVE WITHOUT CLOTHING.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.
- YOU AGREE?

STUDIES HAVE SHOWN
THAT AS A GROUP,

NUDISTS ARE LESS FRUSTRATED
THAN PEOPLE WHO WEAR CLOTHES.

THEIR BLOOD PRESSURE IS LOWER,

AND, IN GENERAL, THEIR
OUTLOOK IS MUCH BETTER.

THEN WHY DO YOU WEAR CLOTHING?

GOT TO WEAR A BADGE.

RIGHT.

OKAY, DUCAY, LET'S GO.

CLOSET NUDIST.

DON'T BE ABUSIVE.

I ENJOYED BEING HERE.

UH, WELL, UH, I
ENJOYED HAVING YOU.

I MEANT THAT FIGURATIVELY.

NO, UH, LITERALLY.

YOU BETTER MAKE
THAT FIGURATIVELY.

THIS WAY, MR. BIEDERMAN.

DIETRICH, WOULD ACCOMPANY
MR. BIEDERMAN DOWNSTAIRS?

SOME THANKSGIVING.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

AND A HAPPY
THANKSGIVING TO YOU, TOO.

THANK YOU.

DO YOU THINK MY
HUSBAND IS STILL ALIVE?

WELL, NO ONE HAS
REPORTED HIM MISSING.

OH.

WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FATHER?

THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
THAT I KILLED HIM, TOO.

WELL, WE'LL CHECK IN TO THAT.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

TRANSFERENCE.

SIMPLE TRANSFERENCE
OF HOSTILE OBJECTIVES.

OH, GOD. IT'LL TAKE
YEARS TO UNWIND THIS ONE.

WELL, GOOD LUCK.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN LUCK.

I BELIEVE IN SCIENCE, DAMN IT!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

I THINK I'LL BE, UH,
SHOVING OFF, BARNEY.

RIGHT, INSPECTOR.

FIRST, I WANT TO WISH
YOU A WARM, WONDERFUL,

AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BARNEY.

UH, TO YOU, TOO.

THANKS.

OH, AND GIVE MY
HEARTIEST FELICITATIONS

TO THE MISSUS AND TO
YOUR LOVELY CHILDREN.

WHY DON'T YOU DO IT YOURSELF?
- 00.

WITH ALL THE TRAFFIC
AND EVERYTHING, BARNEY,

I WAS THINKING 7:30.

7:30 WILL BE FINE.

SEE YOU, BARNEY.

♪ OH, THE WEATHER
OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL ♪

♪ BUT THE FIRE IS
SO DELIGHTFUL ♪

♪ AND SINCE WE'VE
NO PLACE TO GO ♪

♪ LET IT SNOW, LET IT
SNOW, LET IT SNOW ♪

IT'S SNOWING OUTSIDE.

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