Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 4, Episode 10 - Tunnel - full transcript

NOTHING GOING AT SARATOGA.

YOU KNOW, I SAW SOME
HORSES THIS WEEKEND, NICK.

AQUEDUCT?

NO, IN THE COUNTRY...

JUST RUNNING AROUND
OUT IN THE FIELDS,

DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO,

NOBODY SITTING ON THEIR BACKS.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

20 YEARS I'VE BEEN
PLAYING HUNCHES,

AND I'VE NEVER
SEEN ONE LIKE THIS.



OH, YEAH?

HE'S RUNNING IN THE
FIRST AT BELMONT

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

PICK-ME-NICK.

REALLY?

YEAH.

LOOK. SEE? 30-TO-1
ON THE MORNING LINE.

THINK IT'S SOME KIND OF SIGN?

SIGN? IT'S AN ORDER!

I'M GONNA GET THAT BET
IN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

I THOUGHT BARNEY TALKED TO YOU

ABOUT MAKING BETS
FROM THE SQUAD ROOM.

WOJO, I FEEL THAT IF I DO
MY JOB HERE PROPERLY,

I MEAN, IT'S NO ONE
ELSE'S BUSINESS



WHAT I DO WITH MY SPARE MOMENTS.

AND THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM.

WHAT?

NOTHING IMPORTANT.

WHERE'S DIETRICH AND HARRIS?

THEY'RE STILL OUT.

THEY HAD STAKEOUT
DUTY LAST NIGHT.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT DO WE GOT THIS MORNING?

NOTHING. BEEN REAL QUIET.

NO CALLS AT ALL?

I HAVEN'T MADE ANY.

IN THE ABSENCE OF HARD CRIME,

I TRUST YOU GENTLEMEN CAN FIND
SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE TO DO.

I THINK SO.

GOOD MORNING.

HMM?

I SAID, "GOOD MORNING."

OH, YEAH. HEY, BARN.

HOW'D THE STAKEOUT GO?

SAY WHAT?

HOW DID THE STAKEOUT GO?

OH, UH, NOBODY SHOWED UP, BARN.

WE JUST SAT THERE
IN THE CAR ALL NIGHT...

ME AND DIETRICH.

I SEE.

YEAH.

- HEY.
- MORNING, HARRIS.

WHERE IS HE NOW?

I DON'T KNOW, BARN.

I GUESS HE'S CHECKING IN
THE WEAPONS DOWNSTAIRS.

MAN, EVERY TIME
HE OPENS HIS MOUTH,

SOMETHING IRRITATING COMES OUT.

HARRIS, LOOK...

YOU SPENT A LONG
TIME IN CLOSE QUARTERS.

IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT
THERE WOULD BE SOME FRICTION.

YOU PROBABLY GOT
ON HIS NERVES, TOO.

MM-MM, BARNEY. I TRIED.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

LOOK, SORRY ABOUT
THE DOUBLE DUTY.

IT'S JUST THE WAY THE
SCHEDULE WORKED OUT.

HEY, MAN, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST THAT I
WANT TO BE AMONG OTHERS

OF MY OWN KIND.

♪ DOO WAA ♪
MORNING, CAPTAIN.

♪ DOO-DOO-DA-DA DOO-DOO-DOO ♪

NICK, MORNING.

HI, ART.

- WOJO.
- MORNING, DIETRICH.

♪ DOO-WHA-DA-DOO, DOO-DA-DOO ♪

♪ DOOBY-BOP-BOP-BOP ♪

LONG TIME NO SEE.

OH, PLEASE.

UH, BARN, DID MY
APARTMENT SERVICE CALL IN?

- NO.
- YOU SURE?

- YEAH.
- OH, YEAH.

HE'S BEEN WATCHING
THE PHONES PRETTY GOOD.

YOU STILL DON'T
HAVE AN APARTMENT?

NO, BARN. I'VE BEEN LOOKING,

BUT THERE ARE JUST
NO PLACES OUT THERE.

GIVEN THE HOUSING SITUATION,

MAYBE YOU SHOULD CONSIDER
REVISING YOUR DEMANDS.

HEY, LOOK.

ALL I WANT IS A BASIC,
DECENT, HUMAN SHELTER.

AND A TERRACE.

NICE.

GOT TO HAVE ONE.

LISTEN, LIKE I SAID BEFORE,

YOU'RE WELCOME TO
BUNK WITH ME AT MY PLACE.

OH.

UH... NO, THANKS.

I MEAN, IF PUSH
COMES TO SHOVE...

IT MIGHT.

GENTLEMEN, CAN WE
GET BACK TO WORK?

THERE'LL BE MANY OPPORTUNITIES
FOR YOU TO BE TOGETHER.

FUNNY GUY, HUH?

YEAH.

YEAH, BARN? YOU
KNOW WHAT'S WEIRD?

I'VE BEEN HERE 45 MINUTES.

THERE HASN'T BEEN
A SINGLE CALL...

NO ASSAULTS,
BURGLARIES... NO NOTHING.

MAYBE IT JUST MEANS
WE'RE DOING A GOOD JOB.

MAYBE WE'RE FINALLY
MAKING SOME HEADWAY,

SEEING THE LIGHT AT
THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

THE PHONES ARE BROKEN.

OH, MY GOD.

THEY'RE DEAD.

NO DIAL TONE.

WONDERFUL.

SIR?

CALL OVER THE RADIO...

DISTURBANCE AT
HARDING HIGH SCHOOL.

PHONES OUT DOWNSTAIRS, TOO?

THE WHOLE AREA WENT
OUT ABOUT A HALF-HOUR AGO.

DIDN'T YOU KNOW?

NO, AND I WOULD
HAVE APPRECIATED IT

IF I HAD BEEN INFORMED.

WELL, I WAS GONNA CALL,
BUT THE PHONES WERE OUT.

OF COURSE, I COULD
HAVE COME UP IN PERSON.

BUT...

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT A 402.

I'LL TAKE IT.

I'M ITCHING FOR
A LITTLE ACTIVITY.

AH, YOU AND DIETRICH.

YEAH. I'LL GET YOUR COAT.

HERE YOU GO.

YOU DON'T MIND IF I
STOP AT A PAY PHONE

BEFORE WE GET THERE?

WELL, THEY'RE GOING TO
REROUTE ALL THE CALLS

- TO MANHATTAN SOUTH.
- GOOD.

DO THEY HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW BIG AN AREA'S AFFECTED?

NO, THERE'S SOME CLOWN FROM
THE PHONE COMPANY DOWN THERE.

HE SAYS IT'S 15 SQUARE BLOCKS,
BUT THEY DON'T KNOW WHY.

DOES HE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS
AS TO WHAT WE SHOULD DO

UNTIL WE GET SERVICE BACK?

HE SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT RIGGING US UP

- WITH PORTABLE PHONES.
- HUH.

UH, BARNEY, I'M GONNA
RUN THIS STAKEOUT REPORT

- DOWNTOWN, OKAY?
- OKAY, FINE.

Dietrich: YOU WANT TO
STEP IN HERE, MR. GABRIEL?

DON'T TOUCH ME, YOU RUFFIAN!

Y-YOU... YOU CAN'T
BE A NICE GUY!

I TRIED! I TRIED!

YOU'LL BE NICE TO THEM,
AND... AND THEY INSULT YOU.

YOU'LL... YOU'LL BE
UNDERSTANDING,

AND THEY LAUGH IN YOUR FACE!

OKAY. JUST TAKE IT EASY.

WHAT DO WE GOT HERE, DIETRICH?

HOWARD GABRIEL... HISTORY
TEACHER AT HARDING HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU... YOU TURN THE OTHER
CHEEK, AND THEY SLASH YOUR TIRES!

WANT TO EMPTY YOUR POCKETS HERE?

UH, WHAT HAPPENED, NICK?

APPARENTLY, HE LEFT HIS CLASS
AND RAN UP ONTO THE ROOF.

I HAD TO SCREAM!

Y-YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO DO THAT IN THE HALLS.

WHEN WE GOT THERE, HE
WAS ON THE EDGE OF THE ROOF,

- YELLING DOWN AT THE KIDS.
- OH, NO, NO, NO.

I-I WAS ON THE ROOF, BUT
THEY WERE YELLING UP AT ME.

THEY WERE YELLING, "MR. GABRIEL!

"JUMP, MR. GABRIEL!

"HOWARD!

"COME ON, HOWARD! JUMP! JUMP!

JUMP, MR. GABRIEL! JUMP! JUMP!"

THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE YELLING!

VERY SIMILAR TO THE
CHORUS IN A GREEK TRAGEDY.

RIGHT.

RHYTHMIC AND MACABRE.

RIGHT.

ROTTEN KIDS!

I SHOULD HAVE JUMPED!

I COULD HAVE TAKEN TWO,
MAYBE THREE OF THEM WITH ME.

HE HAD THIS STUFFED
IN HIS BRIEFCASE.

HANDCUFFS? MACE?

A BLACKJACK?

THAT'S THE FIRST
RULE OF TEACHING...

GET THEIR RESPECT.

MR. GABRIEL, I WOULD IMAGINE
THERE ARE BETTER WAYS

OF ESTABLISHING
RAPPORT WITH ONE'S CLASS.

YOU WANT ME TO GO IN THERE
LIKE THAT GUY KOTTER ON TV

ARMED ONLY WITH MY WIT?!

IF I TOLD THEM
JOKES LIKE HE DID,

THEY WOULD CUT MY HEART
OUT WITH THEIR LITTLE PENCILS!

SERGEANT DIETRICH WILL
TAKE YOUR STATEMENT.

HAVE A SEAT OVER
THERE, MR. GABRIEL.

OH, GOD, HOW I HATE THAT SHOW.

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

YOU KNOW HOW THEY WELCOMED
BACK MR. BLAINE, THE LIBRARIAN?

BLEW UP HIS CAR.

BARN, DISPATCH JUST CALLED IN.

CREST DIAMOND
EXCHANGE ALARM WENT OFF.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S
TUNNELING IN.

SIR, CREST DIAMOND EXCHANGE.
ROBBERY IN PROGRESS.

I ALREADY KNOW.

OH, I'M CONFIRMING IT.

WHO'S ON WITH YOU?

HARRIS.

HE'S NOT HERE.

ALL RIGHT. TAKE A
COUPLE OF UNIFORMS.

THANK YOU, SIR.

OKAY, LEVITT.

RIGHT, SIR.

WELL, WE'RE ON TOGETHER.

THIS MUST BE ABOUT THE FIFTH
TIME WE'RE ON TOGETHER, HUH?

AT LEAST.

- PRACTICALLY PARTNERS.
- YEAH.

I THINK WE WORK PRETTY
GOOD TOGETHER, DON'T YOU?

TWO GUYS WORK CLOSE ENOUGH,

THEY DEVELOP A
RADAR BETWEEN THEM.

- SEE YOU, NICK.
- WATCH YOURSELF.

SEE? ABLE TO
ANTICIPATE EACH OTHER...

ALWAYS KNOW WHAT THE
OTHER GUY'S THINKING,

WHAT HIS NEXT MOVE IS GONNA BE.

I KNEW HE WAS GONNA DO THAT.

OH, NO. NOW, LOOK.

YOU GUARANTEED ME THAT YOU
WOULD FIND ME AN APARTMENT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T
AFFORD TO LIVE IN MANHATTAN?

OH, YEAH. WELL, LOOK. I
WANT MY 75 BUCKS BACK.

NO, OH... YEAH,
YEAH? WELL, LOOK.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I...

H-HELLO? HELLO? HELLO?

Gabriel: OH, SURE, THEY SAY
TREAT THEM WITH COMPASSION,

TREAT THEM LIKE PEOPLE,
BUT THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE.

THEY ARE ANIMALS!

GONNA HAVE TO PUT
YOU IN THE CAGE NOW.

THAT'S IT.

WE'LL PUT THEM IN CAGES
INSTEAD OF CLASSROOMS.

THEN, IF THEY DO THEIR
WORK, IF THEY BEHAVE,

WE'LL FEED THEM...
JUST LIKE PAVLOV'S DOG.

IT WAS A POODLE, WASN'T IT?

UH-HUH. W-WHERE IS HE NOW?

UH, RIGHT. OKAY.

YEAH. THANK YOU.

SOMETHING'S HAPPENED TO WOJO.

NO KIDDING.

BARNEY, A CALL FROM DISPATCH.

WOJO AND LEVITT CAUGHT
THE GUY IN THE STORE.

WOJO CHASED HIM
BACK INTO THE TUNNEL,

AND THE WHOLE THING
COLLAPSED ON BOTH OF THEM.

- THEY GET THEM OUT?
- THAT'S ALL HE KNEW.

YOU BETTER, UH...

YOU BETTER STAY
CLOSE TO DISPATCH.

I'LL COME WITH YOU.

NO, NO. UH, YOU HANG IN HERE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHAT HAPPENED?

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

HE'S ALL RIGHT.

WHERE IS HE, BARN?

HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL.

THE DOCTORS WANTED
TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

OH, WOW.

DISPATCH MADE IT SOUND
LIKE HE WAS BURIED ALIVE.

HE WAS.

PARAMEDICS TOLD ME THAT
WHEN THEY PULLED HIM OUT,

THERE WAS NO HEARTBEAT.

THEY COULDN'T EVEN FIND A PULSE.

HMM.

TOOK THEM THREE... THREE MINUTES

JUST TO REVIVE HIM.

YOU MEAN HE WAS DEAD?

WELL, HE WASN'T...
OBVIOUSLY HE WASN'T DEAD.

HE JUST WASN'T, UH... ALIVE.

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN.

THE DOCTORS SAY
IT'S NOT UNUSUAL.

OH, CAPTAIN MILLER.

- CAPTAIN MILLER?
- WHAT?

WHAT... WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN TO ME?

I MEAN, AM... AM I
GONNA GO TO JAIL?

WELL, MR. GABRIEL,
IN CASES LIKE THIS, UH,

USUALLY OBSERVATION
IS CALLED FOR.

OH, GOD!

TAKE IT EASY. TAKE IT EASY.

YOU KNOW, I AM NOT
NORMALLY A VIOLENT PERSON.

I MEAN... I MEAN, I NEVER
EVEN USED THAT BLACKJACK.

I MEAN, IT WAS JUST,
YOU KNOW, DECORATIVE.

UNFORTUNATELY,
IT WAS ALSO ILLEGAL.

I DON'T SUPPOSE IT
MATTERS ANYHOW.

I AM THROUGH WITH HARDING.

I AM THROUGH WITH THE WHOLE
NEW YORK SCHOOL SYSTEM.

DON'T GO AND WRITE
YOURSELF OFF COMPLETELY YET.

YOU KNOW, I STILL REMEMBER
MY FIRST DAY AT HARDING.

I WALKED INTO THAT
CLASSROOM YOUNG AND...

AND ENTHUSIASTIC.

FULL OF IDEAS, EAGER TO
REACH AND AFFECT THEIR MINDS.

I-I TURNED AROUND TO WRITE
MY NAME ON THE BLACKBOARD.

THEY SET MY DESK ON FIRE.

IN HERE, KRIETZER. MOVE IT.

TAKE IT EASY. I WAS
JUST IN A CAVE-IN.

IS THIS OUR TUNNELER?

LEROY KRIETZER. MALE CAUCASIAN.

THANK YOU, LEVITT.

I'M ALSO RELIEVED TO HEAR
THAT SERGEANT WOJCIEHOWICZ

WILL BE ALL RIGHT, SIR.

WHAT WAS THAT BIG HOT DOG
DOING COMING IN AFTER ME?

THAT TUNNEL WASN'T
BUILT FOR SOMEONE

WITH JOAN CRAWFORD SHOULDERS.

HARRIS, YOU WANT TO BOOK HIM?

SIT DOWN OVER THERE.

SIT DOWN OVER THERE.

SHOULD HAVE SENT HIM
IN AFTER ME, NOT THE HULK.

ALL RIGHT. OVER HERE.

COME ON.

HEY, CUT THAT OUT!

I GOT DIRT IN MY THROAT.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

SWALLOW IT.

UH, SIR, I HOPE YOU DIDN'T
THINK I WAS DERELICT IN MY DUTY.

OF COURSE NOT, LEVITT.

I WANTED TO GO IN AFTER HIM,

BUT SERGEANT WOJCIEHOWICZ
PUSHED ME ASIDE.

I HEARD, LEVITT.

THEY TOLD ME HOW
YOU TRIED TO DIG HIM OUT

BEFORE THE FIRE
DEPARTMENT GOT THERE.

I THOUGHT IT WAS
BEST NOT TO WAIT, SIR.

WELL, THE WAY I HEARD IT,

YOUR ACTIONS COULD
EVEN BE DESCRIBED AS, UH...

HEROIC.

THANK YOU, SIR.

I... I'M JUST REALLY
DOING MY DUTY.

WE APPRECIATE IT.

I, UH... I SNAPPED OFF A NAIL.

UH, LOOKS PRETTY RAW.

I'D HAVE THAT LOOKED AT.

NO, IT'S OKAY.

IT'S A GREAT CONVERSATION PIECE.

I'M BURTON SHAW, VICE-PRINCIPAL,
HARDING HIGH SCHOOL.

I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THIS, BURT.

HOWARD! WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!

A TEACHER IN JAIL.

DO YOU REALIZE THE POSITION
YOU'RE PUTTING US IN?!

EXCUSE ME. MR., UH...

SHAW... BURTON SHAW,
VICE-PRINCIPAL, HARDING HIGH.

- I'M CAPTAIN MILLER.
- CAPTAIN.

UH, MR. SHAW, I REALIZE
IT'S NOT REALLY MY PLACE

TO SAY ANYTHING.

ALTHOUGH THIS WAS AN
UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT,

IT'S APPARENT THAT
MR. GABRIEL'S BEEN UNDER

A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF PRESSURE.

I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD
TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

SO? WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WELL, UH, THE SCHOOL SYSTEM

CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE EXPERIENCED
TEACHERS LIKE MR. GABRIEL.

MAYBE AFTER HE HAS A
LITTLE REST, SEES A DOCTOR...

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I WANT HIM BACK IN
CLASS TOMORROW.

REST? YOU JUST HAD A DAY OFF!

WHEN?!

WHAT DO YOU CALL TODAY?!

WHAT'S ALL THIS
NONSENSE ABOUT DOCTORS?

WELL, I DID GO A LITTLE CRAZY.

HOWARD, YOU'RE AS SANE AS I AM!

YOU WANT CRAZY?

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MRS. SLADE.

SHE TAUGHT SEX EDUCATION.

SHE SHOWED AN ANIMATED VD FILM

NARRATED BY A LITTLE CRICKET.

THE KIDS TORE THAT ROOM APART!

SHE'S IN A REST
HOME UPSTATE NOW.

SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

SHE SENT ME A
POTHOLDER FOR CHRISTMAS.

CAN I TALK TO HIM
PRIVATELY, PLEASE?

- BE MY GUEST.
- THANK YOU.

HOWARD...

HI, GUYS.

HEY! WOJO! IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU, MAN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL.

NO, HEY, I-I FEEL GOOD.

WHY DO I NEED TO STAY THERE?

WELL, UH, YOU WANT TO,
UH... YOU WANT TO GO HOME?

TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.

HEY, BARNEY, I ALMOST
TOOK THE REST OF MY LIFE OFF.

ALL RIGHT. UH, LISTEN.

TAKE IT EASY, HUH?

RIGHT.

HEY, HEY.

IT'S REALLY GOOD TO
HAVE YOU BACK, MAN.

SORRY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

THANKS, DIETRICH.

HOW'S IT FEEL TO LOOK
AT A GHOST, HUH, NICK?

WHA-OOH.

IT MAY TAKE A WHILE
TO GET USED TO.

HEY.

I'M TELLING YOU, I'M
QUITTING THIS BUSINESS.

I MEAN, IT AIN'T
WORTH IT ANYMORE.

WHAT, WITH THE SENSOR
ALARMS, THREE-FOOT STEEL WALLS.

YEAH, WELL, YOU GOT TO KEEP
PACE WITH THE TECHNOLOGY.

AT ONE TIME YOU USED TO BE
ABLE TO RENT AN EMPTY STORE

RIGHT NEXT TO THE BANK.

YOU GO DOWN 30, 40
FEET, AND THEN BINGO.

- YOU'RE IN THE VAULT.
- RIGHT.

LET'S GO DOWN FOR
PICTURES AND PRINTS, HUH?

TODAY YOU TRY TO RENT A PLACE,
IT COSTS YOU $1,500 A MONTH,

FIRST AND LAST IN ADVANCE.

REFERENCES, SECURITY.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

HEY, LOOK AT THESE
PHONES. NO WIRES.

BEEN A LOT OF PROGRESS
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE.

WOJO.

YEAH?

I'M CURIOUS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU
WERE... I MEAN... GONE...

DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING?

NO.

AFTER DEATH, THERE'S A VOID.

IT'S A COMPLETE
CESSATION OF ALL FEELING.

UH, DIETRICH, I'M THE
GUY WHO WAS THERE,

AND, UH, YEAH, I FELT SOMETHING.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH, UH... IT WAS
KIND OF PLEASANT.

AND, UH, I FELT REAL
WARM, AND, UH...

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE HEARD
THESE... THESE VOICES.

SURE. YOU WERE
LAYING ON A PHONE LINE.

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS
THAT WHEN YOU DIE,

YOU DON'T JUST LAY THERE.

SOMETHING HAPPENS.

YEAH, YOU ROT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR SOUL.

OH, WELL, THAT'S A WHOLE
OTHER BUNDLE OF LAUNDRY.

NO OFFENSE.

I'M SORRY, BURT.

I-I JUST DON'T THINK I
CAN HANDLE IT ANYMORE.

SURE, YOU CAN, HOWARD.

YOU'RE A DAMN FINE TEACHER.

I APPRECIATE THAT,
BUT... LISTEN, HOWARD.

SOMETIMES THOSE KIDS
GET A LITTLE... FRISKY,

BUT THEY HAVE GENUINE
AFFECTION FOR YOU.

I'VE NOTICED IT.

THEY HATE MY GUTS.

HOWARD, YOU REALIZE WITH
THE BUDGET THE WAY IT IS,

IF YOU LEAVE, THEY WON'T
GIVE US ANOTHER TEACHER.

I KNOW THAT.

I JUST... I JUST THINK I HAVE
TO GET AWAY SOMEPLACE,

TRY TO GET MY PERSPECTIVE BACK.

HOWARD...

HOWARD, YOU'VE
GOT A RESPONSIBILITY

BACK THERE AT THAT SCHOOL.

YOU'VE GOT A COMMITMENT
TO THOSE YOUNGSTERS.

THAT'S A SACRED TRUST.

I'M SORRY. I-I'M SORRY.

I JUST CAN'T GO BACK
THERE AT THIS TIME.

WELL, I AM NOT TAKING
OVER YOUR CLASSES!

WHAT?

I'M NOT GOING BACK IN THERE
WITH THOSE BARBARIANS!

OH, SO THAT'S THE
REASON, ISN'T IT, BURT?

YES, THAT'S THE REASON!

I SWEATED FOR 20 YEARS TO GET
OUT OF THAT DAMN CLASSROOM,

AND I'M NOT LETTING SOME
WACKO TEACHER PUT ME BACK IN.

YOU TAKE IT EASY, BURT.

TAKE IT EASY?!

HOWARD, I'M A VICE-PRINCIPAL.

HAVE YOU GOT... HAVE YOU GOT
ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THOSE THUGS

WOULD LOVE TO GET ME IN A
CLASSROOM ALONE, HOWARD?

I AM SORRY!

BUT I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND.

WELL, I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU'VE MADE UP!

YOU'RE COMING BACK IF I HAVE
TO DRAG YOU BACK MYSELF!

YOU HAVEN'T GOT
ANY GUTS! COME ON!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

I GOT IT, NICK. THAT'S IT.

JUST TAKE IT EASY. ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WHAT SEEMS
TO BE THE PROBLEM?

I WAS JUST, UH...

JUST ATTEMPTING TO
REASON WITH MR. GABRIEL.

I'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU ATTEMPTED

TO REASON WITH MR. GABRIEL

WITHOUT ATTEMPTING
TO ASSAULT MR. GABRIEL.

WELL, I HAVE TO, UH...

I HAVE TO BE GETTING
BACK TO THE SCHOOL NOW.

I'VE GOT A... LESSON TO PREPARE.

OH, UH...

HOWARD, WHAT IS THE
DAMN CLASS, ANYWAY?

EUROPEAN HISTORY.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

THE 1400s.

THEY'RE STUDYING THE
SPANISH INQUISITION.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT
BURT WAS LIKE A ROCK.

I GUESS EVERY MAN
HAS HIS BREAKING POINT.

THOSE KIDS ARE GONNA HAVE
HIM WHIMPERING BY LUNCHTIME.

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO
TEACH THEM, MR. GABRIEL.

OF COURSE, IF I DID GO BACK,

I KNOW WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE.

"HEY, THERE GOES MR. GABRIEL,

"THE GUY WHO WENT BANANAS.

THE MANIAC. THE LUNATIC."

I CAN JUST HEAR THEM NOW.

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

WOJ, YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

YOU LOOK A LITTLE DISTURBED.

WELL, I'M JUST... I'M...

I'M JUST TRYING TO REMEMBER
WHAT IT WAS REALLY LIKE

WHEN I WAS, UH, DEAD.

I REALLY DON'T THINK
IT'S GONNA HELP ANYTHING

TO DWELL ON IT.

WELL, WHA...

WHAT DO YOU THINK
HAPPENS AFTER YOU DIE?

THAT'S REALLY NOT
MY AREA OF EXPERTISE.

DIETRICH KNOWS.

OH, I'M NOT SURPRISED.

YEAH, HE SAYS THAT, UH,
NOTHING HAPPENS AFTERWARD.

THAT'S IT. PBHT.

SEEMS OBVIOUS.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT YOU DON'T BELIEVE

THAT THERE IS SOMETHING UP THERE

THAT PLANS EVERYTHING
FOR ALL OF US?

IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT A
PERSONAL, INTERESTED BEING

WHO'S DIRECTING OUR
LIVES AND DESTINIES,

I'D HAVE TO SAY NO.

WELL, I JUST DON'T
HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH YOU.

EXCUSE ME.

12th PRECINCT. YEMANA.

UNFORTUNATELY, DIETRICH,

WE'RE NOT ALL BLESSED
WITH YOUR CERTAINTY.

SO IF YOU DON'T MIND,

I'M AFRAID WE'RE ALL GONNA
HAVE TO MUDDLE THROUGH IT

WITH ALL OUR QUESTIONS
AND OUR DOUBTS.

THANK YOU.

PICK-ME-NICK WON!

I WON 400 BUCKS!

I GUESS THAT SETTLES THAT.