Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 3, Episode 22 - Strike: Part 2 - full transcript

Barney and Inspector Luger staff the precinct alone while the detectives are on strike.

Well, that's my
strength report so far.

Well, I mean, the demonstration

is scheduled for
noon at City Hall.

I'm not too sure my men
are gonna stay in during that.

Of course they'll
stay in, Barney.

Tell 'em I'll personally
be responsible

for the loyalty of
every one of my men.

Uh, Sergeant Fish
is legitimately ill.

What are they trying to prove?

If they wanna go out on strike,

they should have been
truck drivers, not cops.

That's where the
money is anyhow.

I wonder why people go bad.

Yeah. When I was a child,

um, my father would tell me

that little girls are made
of, uh, sugar and spice

and everything nice.

Boys were snips and
snails and puppy dog tails.

I had to learn
that in the gutter.

It's not a strike.

It's a show of solidarity.

It's a demonstration
of common goals

that there's a need
for major reforms.

And to put the establishment
under public pressure

to effect some kind of action.

It's similar to the sit-ins
organized by Gandhi in India.

Did it get him anything?

Got the hell kicked out of him.

Yes, you're entirely welcome.

Twelfth Precinct,
Captain Miller speaking.

Uh, yes, sir,
unfortunately it's true.

A large percentage of the New
York City Police Department

has been become involved
with the demonstration.

And, uh, that's why there are

very few police
officers available.

What do you do if a man
walks into your store with a gun?

Stay calm, give him
everything he wants,

and don't tell him
about this conversation.

Good luck to you too, sir.

How long is that little broad
gonna stay in the bathroom?

I have no idea, Mr. Privy.


You're right.

Twelfth Precinct...
Twenty years with the city,

and they take away my pension.

I... I'm sorry, I
didn't hear you.

I said, 20 years
with the city, and...!


Yes, hello!


Hello, Wojo.

I'm fine, how are you?

It's busy, but
nothing I can't handle.

Look, look. Look, Wojo, is
there something I can do for you?

Uh, no, there were no messages.


Oh, hello, Nick.

I'm fine, how are you?

I just told Wojo, there
are no messages.

No, look, I don't have
time to say hello to Harris.

There's a lot going on
here, a lot of work to be done.

Yes, wonderful talking
to you. Thanks for calling.

Oh, captain. I'm
glad I caught you in.

I, uh...

I wonder if I might have
a personal word or two

with you, sir.

How personal?

I think you have courage, guts,

and determination. Thank you.

I'd like to think I'm here
for the same reason, sir.

I'd like to think
so too, Levitt.

Actually, my whole career
has been in preparation

for this kind of work.

Of course you're aware of
it from my records. Uh, yes.

I have an extra copy
here, sir. I have a copy.

There are xeroxed, sir.

I wasn't too happy with
the mimeographed quality.

Uh, why don't I take
these in my office?

I... I'll look at them in there.

Yes, sir. Captain, captain!

Uh, Levitt, take Mr. Privette
to the bathroom, will you?

Yes, sir. What should I do
when I get him there, sir?

Keep an eye on him.

Yes, sir.

But don't embarrass him.


I brought you some coffee.

Oh, that really wasn't
necessary, Miss Lane.

I thought it might
help you relax.

Uh, thank you, you're very nice.

I can't drink coffee.

It excites me.

Eh, stay away from it.

Beg pardon?

Uh, our coffee. It's very bad.

I could make a
fresh pot. No, no, no.

No, it's really not
necessary. It's no bother.

I'd... I'd love to be able to
do something to help out.

You're very thoughtful.

Well, I know you're
in a difficult situation,

and as a citizen, I'd...
I'd like to do my part.

I mean, I... I really
feel for you, captain.

That's very civic-minded
of you. Heh-heh.

I can type, and I can file.

And I can take dictation.

I'm really good at dictation.

Try me.


Use me, captain.

Who would know?

I'm sorry? Use me.

Depend on me.

I mean, I... I know how
you're feeling right now.

Uh, heh.

Uh, no, you don't. Heh.

Then maybe you'd
like to talk about it.

Uh, h-h-how do
you feel about...?

There's nothing to talk about.

Besides, I-I just can't
talk to a stranger.

Sometimes it's easier.

Especially when
you're depressed.

I'm not depressed.

Little disappointed, maybe.

And a little hurt. Yes!

Not that there's any
reason I should be.

I mean, it isn't as if the...

The men walked
out because of me.

Of course not.

And I... I think
they respect me.

Oh, God, yes.


Go on.


We're very close, my men and I.

We, uh, care
greatly for each other.

As we care for the city.

Do you have children?


And a wife?


Hey, Barney! Uh, yeah, insp...

Inspector Luger's here.

Uh, you'll, uh, excuse
me a minute. Uh...

Inspector Luger,

now there is one
bachelor I really admire.


Stop squirming, will you?

Sir, the man is still in
there. I don't know what...

Levitt, not now.

I feel like a hall monitor.

There's your pervert, Barney.

Hey, what do you
mean, "pervert"? Hm?

Picking on women like her. Heh!

It didn't have to be like this.


Uh, have you been read
your rights yet, Mr., uh...?

Blomquist, John
Blomquist. And no, I haven't.

Oh, yeah, I... I must have
thrown my card away, Barney.

I thought it was one
of them little calendars

you get from the
insurance company.

There's one on,
uh, Yemana's desk.

Oh, good. Come on, Bloomy.

Oh, yeah, that's
it there. Read that.

Hey, come on, get out of there!

I'll come out when I'm ready!

Excuse me, sir.

How long do we have
to let him stay in there?

I mean, legally?

Ha. I don't think that's
covered specifically.

Sure, another
loophole, right, sir?

Spell your last name.



Wait... Wait a minute,
wait. Not so fast.

It's O, not U.

You sure? Sure, I'm sure.

Ah, here. You fill it out.

Hey, I don't know what to do.

Just put something
in them little boxes

where they ask the questions.

I'll fill in that other part
where it says "charges" later.

Keep your eye on him, son.

Yes, sir. I'll do my best.

And keep it "legitable."

My name is Lana Lane.

Yeah, yeah, I remember.

I was fixing you
a beautiful dinner.

Lady, I robbed you.
Don't take it personally.

Standing rib roast.

Three twenty-nine a pound.

You didn't say nothing about
having dinner over the phone.

It was a surprise.


Like your gun.



Listen, you're acting
like I knew who...

I mean, if I had known,

I wouldn't have robbed you.

Hey, what were
you doing in there?

What are you, weird? Come on.

Listen, why aren't you out
on strike with the other cops?

Because my duty
is here, that's why.

You know, you're just like
a guy where I used to work.

Company man, dedicated.

He come to about here.

You're not married, are you?

Are you kidding?

I'm having trouble
relating with my mother,

much less a stranger.

I don't know, I just...
choke up, you know?

Like, maybe if I would
ask you to go to dinner,

it's hard for me.

You should have asked.
I didn't have no money.

I would have given it to you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'd sooner rob you.

I have some pride.

I'm beginning to understand
you, Mr. Blomquist.



So I said to Kleiner, Barney,

I says, "Kleiner, if she
does that once more,

don't hesitate, shoot her."

Hot damn, huh?

Those were the days.

Did you finished that?

Uh, not yet.

I'm not pressing charges.


I wish I could
say I'm surprised.

What are you talking,
lady? Inspector.

This here's a criminal element.

Inspector, forget it. There's
nothing you can do about it.

All right, Blomquist,
you're free to go.

Next time, I'll put
you away for good.

There won't be a next time.

There won't?

I could heat up the rib roast.


Yeah, all right. Thanks.

I think you'll find I'm a
generous person, John.

What's mine is yours.

Oh, yeah?

Take it.

Uh, round the clock
watches till further notice.

Some of these ain't too
bad, Barney, you know?

Course, there ain't
no beauty winners,

but a couple of them
might get a shot as...

As Best of Show.

Old timer's whipped.

Good morning, Levitt.

None of your men
showed up yet, captain?


Don't be.

Be what? Bitter.

Levitt, everyone was doing
what they thought was right.

There's no question
of animosity here.

Don't let it eat you up, sir.

You know, that's a very
irritating habit you got.

My nose just itched.

I'm talking about not listening
when people talk to you.

I didn't have Kleenex.

Forget it.

That's not it?

Forget it, it's not important.


Inspector Luger?

They call me Frankie,
you know what I mean?

Uh, inspector.

Inspector, it's me, Barney.

Oh, you wanna play rough, huh?

Oh, just let me...

Just let me get the
hook off the strap...


Oh. Oh, well, it's you, huh?

Hope I didn't
interrupt anything.

Heh! No. No, I just...

Just dozed off for
a minute, that's all.

Listen, why don't you go on
home and get some real rest?

Yeah, I think I will.

And I just wanna say
thanks for your help.

Aw, listen, Barney,

I didn't do this just
because of my job.

Did it for you, Barney.

Well, I appreciate it.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Thanks, Barney.

Barney, did I
ever really tell you

how I...? How I feel about you?

There's no time for that
now... No, Barney, look,

you know, I never had
any kids, you know that.

Except maybe for, you know...

I always thought

that if I ever had
a son, Barney,

I'd like him to be
just exactly like you.

Thank you.

Maybe not the mustache.

Morning, Barney.

Morning, Nick.

Morning, Barney.

Morning, Harris.

Morning, Barn.

Morning, Wojo.


Hey, Dietrich.

I, uh, can't seem to recall

all of you coming in
together like this before.

Same car pool. Pure coincidence.

Act of God.

Well, uh, we all have,
uh, plenty of work to do.

Let's get to it.

Uh, Barn? Uh...
You here all night?


Well, uh, if... If you
wanna go home now,

we can handle it from here.

I've gotta wait for the
watch commander anyway,

but, uh, I appreciate it.

Well, well, well. Look
what the cat dragged in.

Inspector. I'm sorry, Barney,

I'll try to, uh,
conceal my revulsion.

Hey, listen.

Uh, inspector, you
were just going home?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
See you later, Barney.

All right, well, one final
word to the men of the 12th,

for whom I once held
a great deal of respect

and fondness.

You broke this man's heart.

Thank you. All
right, bye, Barney.

Goodbye, sir. Huh?

Oh, yeah. One more
thing I want you all to know.

When the time for
promotions comes along,

I want you to know
that Frank Luger's

gonna remember the names
of all those who stood loyal

to the N.Y.P.D.

Thank you, sir.

You hang in there, Levine.


Officer Carl Levitt.

What the hell are
you doing back?!


Levitt, if you've got enough
manpower downstairs,

I'd appreciate if
you'd run this guy over

to Manhattan South. Yes, sir.

And, Levitt,

I'd just like to say that
your help and your resolve

these past few hours have
made a difficult situation

a lot easier.

Thank you, sir.

Let's go. Don't you touch me!

You should have never come back!

You're all a bunch
of damn fools.


Think you can handle him alone?


Um... How'd your
demonstration go?

Very well. It was very good.

Good, good.


Listen, uh,

there seems to be some
underlying feelings here.

Traces of resentment,
hostility, guilt.

I think they should be
brought to the surface.

What do you suggest?

I think it would be helpful

if we could sit down
together, and, uh,

honestly confront each other

with our feelings and emotions.

All right. Anybody
got anything to say?

Yeah, uh...

I think we could sort
of clear the air a little bit.


I think that's a
positive suggestion.

Well, I'm sure each of
us has some thoughts

he'd like to express.

I think... I think Nick
has something to say.

No, I don't.

We'll get back to Nick later.

I don't think we should've gone.

Hey, man, we had to.

I mean that we... We
walked out on Barney.

We weren't walking
out on Barney.

We were walking out
on the damn bureaucrats

and the budget-cutters.


Well, I'm... I'm sure that
was your intention, Harris,

but, uh, heh, the fact is

that, uh, I was the main
beneficiary of your actions.

You thought we were wrong then?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I... I think, uh, you all acted
according to your conscience

and by your principles.

But I can't deny that there
is, uh, underlying bitterness

and a little unhappiness
on a personal level here.

That's good. Very good.

Dietrich, shut up.

I can appreciate that.

Hey, man, listen,

I mean, everyone did what
he felt that he had to do.

But there's one thing that I
think ought to be made clear.

And I... I mean, I think I
speak for everyone when I say

that, uh, no matter what
happened and what was said,

it in no way, uh, diminished
the admiration and regard

that we all feel for you.

Well, look, this was
a difficult decision.

I don't know the
answer, but I...

I do know that, uh...

maybe next week, or next month,

there's gonna be
another round of blue flu.

We're all gonna have to make
the same tough decision again.

But I do know that...

That our relationship
is solid enough

to be able to withstand
a difference of opinion.

And I would like to
say that I think you're

a wonderful group
of officers, and I...

I feel it's a privilege
to serve with you.

Well, guess that says it all.

Come on, let's, uh...
Let's get back to work.

Hold it.

I'm not through.

You're not?


I have a few things
I'm bugged about.

Such as?

I am fed up with the
jokes about my coffee.

Who's joking?

See, see? See?

Nick, I'm, uh... I'm sorry.

I didn't realize it was that
sensitive an area with you.

I... I apologize.

If you can't say something nice,

you shouldn't
say anything at all.

Twelfth Precinct, Yemana.

Well, as... A long
as we're talking...

I would like to say

that I'm getting a little
tired of a certain person

who keeps throwing
up his knowledge

and his sophistication
and his clothes.

I thought he meant me
till he said the clothing part.

Off the rack.

Hey, look, man, I mean,

I was just trying to get
you to improve yourself.

Well, I don't need
that improvement.

That's true.

You've got gum-chewing
down to an art.


Uh, Siegel's Department
Store, robbery in progress.

Oh, thank God.

Harris, you take it. Who
are you on with this week?


Wonderful. You... You
guys work so well together.

Hey, you guys want some coffee?

Oh, yes, love some.


Remember what I told you.

Very funny.

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