Baretta (1975–1978): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Coppelli Oath - full transcript

Baretta, you need
sleep... Shut up!

Yeah, I pulled the trigger.

But you sent him upstairs
when you put him out

on the streets to sell dope.

You got to get him, Mikey.

The man's name is Baretta.

Some people are saying
you're gonna kill that cop.

Why do you care
about a lousy cop?

(theme music playing)

(horn blaring)

There's a narc on me!



Hey, Phil, where
are you?! I'm up here!

(gun clicks)

He's empty, man, go get him!

Take it easy, kid.

Just take it easy. I'll
get you some help.

Little brother.

Why'd you do it?
I don't understand.

I didn't do nothing.

Come on, they don't
shoot you for doing nothing.

I'm your brother,
be straight with me.

You weren't there.
You don't know.

You got to get him, Niki.

But what can I do?

Do you love me?



You're my brother...

of course I love you.

All my life the
man's been after me.

All my life.

I'm running, I'm
running... he's after me.

Why didn't you give up?

I tried.

They don't let you.

They don't listen, Niki.

You got to get him.

A man named... Baretta.

Promise me you'll get him.

I promise, man. I promise.

I swear by our family
that I will get him, Phil.

Phil.

Phil.

(flat tone)

Phil.

Hi.

You're Phil Coppelli's brother.

My name is Tony Baretta.

They told me you
were in there with him.

You're Niki?

I'm the cop that
shot your brother.

I know you don't want to hear
nothing I got to say right now

and I don't blame you, but...

I'm sorry. It's gonna be all
right. Do you hear me, man?

My boss, Shiller, says this
is the best hospital in town

and these are the ace
doctors of the world.

They're gonna take
care of him, 'cause I'm

gonna see to that. I
want you to know that.

This is my card. You call me.

Anything you need,
I'm gonna take care of it.

He'll be all right.
I promise you.

Don't worry about a
thing. Do you hear me?

Hey, sugar? Hi.

I'm Officer Baretta. I'd like to
talk to you about Phil Coppelli.

He's on his way downstairs.

Oh yeah? Where are they
taking him? To the morgue.

You're the punk
that made the buy

from Coppelli last
night, aren't you?

You know who I
am? I'm the man...

I'm the man that killed him,

and he was just a little boy.
Somebody's gonna start paying,

and I'm starting
with you. Spread 'em!

Are you holding anything, huh?

No, I'm clean. No, you're clean.

Everybody in the world is
clean, ain't they? Get up here!

Who was Coppelli working for?

Coppelli? Who's Coppelli?

Get down there! Coppelli
was your connection, junkie.

You hear what I'm saying? I
sent him to a hospital and he died.

Now I'm getting a little tense.

You start answering me now.

Who was he working for? I
swear I don't know nothing.

You got fresh track marks
on you someplace, don't you?

Look, I don't know what
you're talking about. You don't?

Get up here!

There they are! There
they are! There they are!

That's fresh track marks!

Do you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna bust you for 'em and
they're gonna put you in the slammer.

Then I'm gonna put
word out on the street

that you set
Coppelli up for the hit.

Oh, come on. Have
you ever done hard time?

No. I'll tell you what they do

to squealers in the slammer.
You'll last about a week

and they'll carry
you out in a box.

Now for the last
time, I'm asking you...

Who? Who was he working for?

Give me a name! Bo... Bodine.

What? Bodine. That's
it. That's all I know.

Okay. Now, listen to me.

You've been seen
talking to a cop.

In the dope world, your
life ain't worth a quarter.

So get out of town. I don't
ever want to see you again.

You understand me? Do you
understand what I'm saying?

But bust me, will you?
Take me in. Hey, come on!

Please. Can I help you?

No, just a minute please.

Mister, you're the one that
drive a car for Mr. Bodine?

Do I look like a
chauffeur to you?

I don't wanna make no trouble.
The car make a lot of smoke.

I'm scared. Do you
wanna take a look?

Please, for me.
Grazie, mille grazie.

You can't go in there.
It's all right, darling.

Don't make no
trouble. Stay cool.

Doctor, excuse me,
I'm a police officer.

Could I ask you to step outside
just for a moment, please?

Thank you very much. I
appreciate your cooperation.

Bodine, I'm a cop.

My name's Baretta.

Congratulations.

Hello and goodbye, Mr. Baretta.

My assistant's gonna be very upset
you didn't make an appointment.

No he ain't. He ain't here.

I sent him out
on a little mission.

And that just leaves
you and me, partner.

Last night you sent a kid
named Coppelli out on the streets

with 20 bags of smack.

And when they wheeled
him in the operating room,

he still had 15 bags on him,

only he died before he had
a chance to sell 'em for you.

Yeah, well, I don't know
any kid named Coppelli

and I don't even know
what you're talking about.

You know.

You know on account
of you hired him.

And you know why I
know? 'Cause I shot him.

I shot him and he's dead.

He was 19 years old, man.

Remember what it was
like to be 19 years old?

You know, Baretta,
you're overworked.

I think you need some
more sleep. Shut up!

When I looked at that kid
it was like looking at myself,

like I put a slug
in my own guts.

You're right. I'm overworked.

I need rest, sleep.

Like you put Coppelli to sleep.

I pulled the trigger all right, but you
sent him upstairs and tucked him in

when you put him on
the streets to sell dope.

You understand what
I'm saying to you?

Oh, you got a real
problem, Baretta.

You know, you confuse
truth and slander.

And there's no proof
to what you're saying.

No, you got the
problem. It's true,

I ain't got no proof.
Not today, not tomorrow,

maybe not for a year,
but I'm gonna get proof.

When I get proof,
I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna take you apart, man.

I'm gonna be there when they
put you in a hole in the ground,

just like they're gonna
bury that kid tomorrow.

You take that to the bank,
you hear what I'm saying?

Give me a kiss.

Give me a big kiss.

Put your head over here
and rest for me. Attaboy!

Go over there and get that guy.

Come here. Lay down. Lay down.

Do a chicken. (Fred clucks)

Hey.

Wave to me.

Don't you wish that sometimes
we never left the Merchants?

Stay out there on the ocean

and just have a good time?

Hey, Tony, chow time.

Say, has that rooster
laid an egg yet?

Well, we'll have to go out.
Come on, I'm famished!

I'm holding the elevator
for you. Come on!

All right.

Which way, Billy, my boy?
There's a new place down the street.

I'm want to get me
a load of enchiladas.

Enchiladas? What happened
to that hot dog diet you were on?

I lost about 10 pounds, but
Rosie won't cuddle any more.

Oh! Says I lost my charm.

Baretta: Lookie
there, a $5 bill.

(gunshot, Billy groans)

Did he get you, Billy?

I'm not lying down here
because of the view.

Oh, man. Come up here.

Oh, my God.

Push. Push hard
now. Just hang on.

Stay right there.

I'm gonna see what the
hell is going on around here.

(doorbell rings)

Niki!

I thought something
happened to you.

Hey, get a jacket,
huh? Let's go. Come on!

I can't. My mom's
working tonight. I'm stuck.

Hey, Niki, what's wrong?

Hey, nothing.

I'm fine. Everything's fine.

Just fine.

(Baretta singing in Italian)

(Billy groans)

Oh-ho.

You coming around,
partner? Nancy? I... oh...

No, I ain't Nancy.

No, you ain't no nurse.

No. (laughs)

They told me at the hospital

that you're just too mean
and too fat and sassy

to hang around there
bothering them nurses,

so I took you home to heal you.

And we're gonna start out

with one of my
mother's old recipes

called fettucini.

I ain't hungry.

Now, now, now. The
Jews got the chicken soup,

the Mexicans got menudo,

and the "Itralians"
got fettucini.

I ain't hungry! If you
got plaster on your arm,

you might as well have
plaster in your belly.

I ain't hungry.

Aah, my father always
said, "Fuel in the furnace

makes fire in the soul."

I ain't hungry.

Oh, you grump!

And besides that,

me and Fred...
Come here, partner.

We're gonna teach you
how to fly with one wing.

And a fella with
your limitations,

it's gonna take a little extra
training to know how to navigate...

with one motor.

Tony?

Yeah?

Who shot me?

I don't know, Billy,

but this old "Itralian" nose
of mine smells a boy...

just a boy.

Hey, Lou, how's it going?

Listen, Niki. You
take the day off.

I can handle the store.

We're all with you, Niki. I
just want you to know that.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks, Luig.

Say hello to your papa
for me, eh? Yeah, right.

(Man laughing)

Hey, hey!

(laughing continues)

Hey, Niki. Hey, hey,
Straighten up. hey,

Take a shot, Nick.

Yeah, man, let's play some pool.

Say, why don't you
and I talk a little, Nick?

♪ Ain't she sweet ♪

♪ See her coming
down the street... ♪

Niki, why don't we go someplace
away from these chimpanzees?

Hey, this ain't the pig that
offed your brother, is it?

You're not gonna talk to him,

I mean fraternize
with him, are you?

You know, Nick, you don't have

to entertain these
schlocks, man.

You can be yourself.

I am being myself, Baretta.

Just like you're being yourself

when you go out and
blow people's brains out.

I didn't want your
brother to fall, man.

Then you shouldn't
have pulled the trigger.

Somebody pulled the trigger
on him long before I got to him.

I ain't shirking
my responsibility,

but you know it would've
went down that way

no matter who was
there... That's a fact.

Oh, man, the pig makes me cry.

Don't call me that no
more or I'll step up here.

Are you a tough guy? On account
of if you are, just step up here,

'cause the only tough guys I know
are in the jailhouse or the graveyard.

I'm gonna give you your choice.

Niki's gonna chop you,
Baretta. Chop, chop!

That's what you're gonna do?
Just like you tried the other day?

And you sent an old man
to the hospital that I love.

All right! Let's get it on!

Okay, kid.

Your world's a
lousy place right now.

I know that and
I'm sorry for it.

But your brother's gone,

and there ain't nothing
we can do about that.

All I'm saying is, I don't
want nobody else to die.

And that's the
name of that tune.

Yeah, I hear you, Baretta,

but it don't make
one bit of difference.

You know who I am
and I know what you are.

And you know what's going down.

(laughing)

Whew, way to fly!

Welcome home, Niki.

Baretta: You see
there, Billy, my boy?

A little brisk stroll
and we'll go inside,

have another, maybe,
2000 units of vitamin E.

In no time at all

we're gonna have you in
dynamite shape, my man.

Little by little...
Wait a minute.

Somebody's been here.

Fred?

Are you okay? Huh? Give a kiss.

"We don't kill
parrots, just chickens

who hide behind badges."

What am I gonna do, Billy?

How do you deal with kids?

You bust 'em and they're out
on the streets again in two weeks,

or you send them to the slammer
to learn how to use machine guns?

What the hell am I a cop for?

I don't know how to do my job.

Excuse me. Mr. Novelli's
your name? Yeah.

Could I talk to you for just a
couple of minutes, please?

I don't wanna buy nothing.

Now wait a minute.
Just a second.

My name's Baretta. I'm a cop.

There's a couple of kids

over my right shoulder
there in the crosswalk.

They hang around your
place quite a bit, don't they?

I don't know. I don't know 'em.

I never seen them before.
You don't know, huh?

I don't know much myself,

but I know you're running
one of the sweetest

little books in town in there.

Shall I go in and
see what else I know?

You know, I think them kids are

Mike Scarletto and
Tommy Parko. Tommy who?

Parko! Yeah.

There's a third kid
hangs around with them.

What's his name?
That'd be Giselle,

Joe Giselle.

Bad kids... real
bad. All of them.

You know what we ought to do
with them and the Coppelli kids?

We'll put 'em in a
burlap bag, like kittens

you don't want, and
throw them in the river.

That would just
leave the good guys...

Like me and you.

(phone rings)

Yeah?

He is, huh?

That's interesting.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know he
had a kid brother.

He's really sore,
huh? (chuckles)

He's out to get him? (laughs)

That's good, Lou.

Yeah. No, that's very helpful.

Yeah, I'll talk to you later.

Tony, what are you
wasting your time

on juvie delinqs for?

Well, my dear,

I figure if I get a couple of
Coppelli's friends off the streets,

it's gonna be a little easier
to deal with him... I think.

I got it.

Terrific.

Okay, here's the one on Giselle.

Yes, you see here?

The same thing.
Fruit stands over there,

over here, shoplifting,
purse snatching,

rolling drunks,
ice cream trucks,

fruit peddlers, hot dog stands.

The trick is, my dear,

how to keep them from
going from fruit peddlers

to robbing banks.

Come on, Tony.
You can't win 'em all.

You and I are gonna
have to have a chili dog

and talk that over.

That's it? A chili dog?

Well, you could
have a bite of this.

Oh, that's terrific.

Do you have to go?

Yeah, I got to go.

I promised, uh...

Parky and Chisel I'd meet
'em down at the corner.

You gave up on those
guys two years ago, Niki.

What are you talking about?

Those guys are straight with me.

But who needs 'em?

You got school and a job and...

we made plans together.

Hey, look, I got to go.

I love you.

Niki?

Yeah?

Some people are saying
you're gonna kill that cop.

What do you care
about a lousy cop?

Is it true?

I got to do what I got to do.
Let's just shut up about it.

No, I don't like
you like this, Niki.

How can you say that?

How can you even think it?

It's not your brother
who's dead... it's mine.

Niki, Phil shot first. The
papers said there was a witness.

He would've killed that cop.
The papers lied, all right?!

Cops are...

nothing but
criminals with badges.

Yeah. Which kind
are you gonna be?

There's Mutt and Jeff,
and this must be the place.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

I gots my drumstick, drumstick,

popsicle, popsicle, right?

Kids: Right! Well, all reet!

The man say, "Bring
me all your children.

Not the blacks
and not the whites

and not the tall and not the
short, but all your children."

Thank you, darling.
That's yours.

Thank you, sugar. Hmm.

(horn honks)

I was thinking I'd
get some bird seed

for the pheasants.

One, two...

Hey, Chisel. Come
here. Yeah. Yeah.

Man, my money's
been so funny lately

my pockets been laughing at me.

♪ Shall we gather
at the river? ♪

♪ The beautiful ♪

♪ The beautiful river... ♪

What do you say we
go pop that baby, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Let's
make some fast money.

I like it!

(singing continues)

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Yes, sir! Yes, sir.

That's right. I made
a lot of money.

I know you did.

You know you hit a cop?!

You wanna get in
a fight with a cop?

You big dummies!

I don't know. Your
parents don't want you,

the city don't want
you... (whistles)

Okay. Okay.

Get them back there.

Rick, read 'em their rights and
frame that thing for me, will you?

You got it, Tony.

Can I help you, little mother?

Where the hell is Baretta?

He's got to help me. I
can't do this all alone.

Hey, dummy! I'm Baretta.

Oh, Baretta! You're a woman?

Get him out of here, will
you? Okay. Come on...

Hold it! Hold it!
He's not armed.

Desperate character, huh?

I got the clinks on him
already. Will you come on?!

You have the right... Shut
up! I read him his rights!

Get him out of here!
Okay. Come on, let's go!

Up there! Get out
of the way, you!

(knocking on door)

Yes?

Buon giorno, Mrs. Coppelli.

Scusate. I'm from
the police department.

I would like to talk to
you just for a minute

about your son, Phillip.

Thank you.

Some wine?

Yes. Yes, please.

Mrs. Coppelli, my
name is Tony Baretta.

Why do you come to
this house, Mr. Baretta?

In the old country,

what happened would have
made hate between our families

but I come here
with love in my heart,

to tell you that I
want to help you,

and your family, in
any way that I can.

(loud thud)

(speaking Italian)

What are you
doing here, Baretta?

Come to show my parents
the notch on your gun?

Niki, Mr. Baretta has
come to apologize.

Don't shame your
brother's memory.

Me?

You shame my brother's memory

by inviting the cop
who murdered him

to sit at your table.

My mother,

she's losing her
marbles in her old age.

She prays too much.

She thinks God can
bring back the dead.

Niccolo!

It is not enough you hurt
me with your hatred, Niki.

But now, you hurt me
by being like your brother.

By not being yourself.

Bodine: How are
things at home now?

Pretty tough, huh?

Yeah, well, I'm head
of the house now.

Good, good. Sure
you are. Hey, listen,

if you're anything
like your brother,

you'd bust down the gates of hell
before you'd see your parents suffer.

And I wanna tell you
something... Niki?

I'd be honored to have
you come work for me.

I'm not gonna sell dope.

I'm your friend, remember?

Nothing to do with
dope. That's a promise.

All right.

In any case, I can't
pay much anyway.

I was thinking of...

something in the ballpark
of maybe $500 a week.

(laughs)

That's just for openers. You
work hard, you get a raise.

With $500 a week,

a kid like you could
start a family, eh?

Yeah, I... I appreciate
it, Mr. Bodine.

Nothing, it's nothing.

But there is something
you can do for me.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, anything.

You and I, Niki,

you know, we share something.

We share a pain, Phil's pain.

And as long as it hangs over us,

as long we do not repay
the debt to his memory,

then we both live in sadness.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

Good. Now,

here is a little
present for Niccolo.

Something I thought
you'd like to keep.

Go ahead, open it.

Miss Falcone? Let me talk
to you for a minute, will you?

My name is Baretta. I want
to talk to you about Niki.

You killed his brother. You
think I'll let you talk to him?

I got to talk to him. I'm
not gonna arrest him.

I'm not gonna do
nothing but talk to him.

I don't know where he is.

Gimme a phone number?
Let me talk to him on the phone.

What do you want me to
do, help you arrest him?

I'm not gonna arrest
him, I promise you.

All I'm gonna do is talk to
him. Will you wait a minute?

I checked his MO. He's clean.

He hasn't done
anything for two years.

But he's messing around
with bad company now,

and something's gonna happen.

Well, what do you care?

What do you mean,
what do I care? I care a lot.

I killed a kid... I care.

How much do you care?
Do you know what he's into?

Wait a minute, listen to me.

Do you know what
he's trying to do?

Let me tell you. He's
trying to kill a cop,

that's what he's trying to do.

And I'm the cop. Now
he's gonna keep coming

and something bad'll happen.
I'm gonna have to hurt him.

There ain't no way out of that.

That's going to be on
you. Now you listen to me...

Do you love him?
You think about that.

Now you got the ball.

Do you swear you're not
gonna arrest him? My right hand.

Wherever you take me,
I'm gonna leave by myself.

Okay, he's waiting for me.

Take me there.

Niki?

Hey. I got a million and one
things to talk to you about.

Let's sit down and
have a cola... Niki?

Hey, wait a minute.

What's wrong?

Nothing, just hold on to
me for a second, okay?

Hey, look... sit down.

We've got a million and
one things to talk about.

I'll go get us a cola,
okay? I'll be right back.

Hi, Niki.

You told him!

You told him I was here!

No, she didn't tell me nothing.

She's a bad con artist.
I followed you here.

Keep away from me, Baretta!

All right, all right.

I just want you to tell me

where you going Niki?

Will you tell me that?

Where do you think you're going?

Are you gonna be
a tough guy? You?

That's gonna make
you grow up faster?

Who's doing your
thinking now for you, huh?

First it was your brother.

And now it's Bodine.

When are you gonna start
thinking for yourself, man?

That's the name of the
game. Thinking for yourself.

Now you're working for Bodine.

Sure, you think I didn't know?

Now, what's he got you
doing, pushing junk for him?

How long you gonna
last pushing junk?

How long is she gonna...
Keep her out of this!

I'll leave her out of it.

Can you leave
her out of it? Huh?

What do you think he's gonna do,

now he's got you
working for him?

She's gonna be
working for him next.

That's right! She's gonna
have track marks on her arms.

She'll be out tricking for him!

He'll make a hooker out
of her. That's what he'll do!

A good looking chick, he'll make
a bundle off a little plum like that.

Shut your face! You
got to think for yourself.

When you're right, you're tight.

When you're wrong, it's
got to be eating you up.

You got to be on fire right
now. You're no tough guy!

Your mother was right!
She ain't nuts, you are!

You can't kill
people. It ain't in you!

You trying to
imitate your brother?

What did Bodine give you?
He give you a lot of money?

How about a gun?
Where's your piece?

Every other
pusher's got a piece.

Come on, whip it out!
Show me your gun!

Don't do it, Niki!

Get out of the way, honey.

Come on, shoot me! Go on, shoot!

Yeah, I'm just standing here.

What if I was a blond crew-cut
just out of the academy?

Do you know what would
happen? You'd make him kill you!

Not because he hates you.
Not 'cause you're a tough guy,

but because he's afraid of you!

You wave that hog leg around,
he wouldn't stop and think.

I'm from the streets. I
know you can't kill me.

Look! It's empty, man!

He wouldn't even know
the damned gun's empty!

Here, I could kill you!
You got an empty piece!

He didn't put any bullets in it.

Bodine's supposed to load
it! Niki, will you stop that!

Baretta: Stop that!
Niki, come here!

Niki, Niki! No! No!

No, wait a minute.
We'll stop him.

We'll stop him,
honey, we'll stop him.

Shh, shh, shh.

I don't want him hurt.

He won't get hurt.
I'll get him, I'll get him.

Just let him cool off now.
He'll just run around for awhile.

He'll be all right. Shh.

Hey, Mom?

Yeah, it's me.

Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Do me a favor, huh?

Call Baretta for me.

That's right.

If you call him, maybe
he'll believe all this.

Well, find him, please?

Yeah. Okay. Tell him I quit.

Yeah, it's all over. I
just want to talk to him.

Okay?

Would you ask him to meet me
in front of the warehouse at 5:00?

What warehouse?

The warehouse where you work.

Yeah, okay, Mom.

That's right. The
warehouse, 5:00.

You got it. Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot, Luig.
Any time, Nick. Any time.

(phone rings) Yeah?

Yeah, Lou.

5:00, huh?

Thanks, Lou.

I don't know where
to look for him, Fred.

If the kid's alive, there
ain't nobody knows it.

You know, partner,
there's times when I wish

I could trade places with you.

I'd just sit up
there on that perch

and eat sunflower
seeds all day long.

And this is one of them times.

(phone rings)

Hello.

Yes, Mrs. Coppelli.

Yes, I understand. What time?

It's almost 5:00 now.
Thank you very much.

Hey, kid! Come over here!

Come over here, I said.

Get in the car.

Let me go! What's going on here?

(tires screech)

(gunshot)

(gunshot)

Baretta: Get down,
Niki! Stay down!

I thought that kid was out cold!

Nick!

Come to me, now!

Come on! Get in!

Did you set this up, Niki?

I called you, I
wanted to talk to you.

They grabbed me in the
car and knocked me out.

I quit. I swear it! I swear
I had nothing to do with it.

They're gonna blow me away
and set you up as the patsy.

Hey, Tony...

how are we getting out of here?

I'll let you know
when we're out.

(engine starts)

Bodine, hold it right there!

Put it down! Put it down!

Turn around and spread
'em! Get around there!

You okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

(sirens wailing)

What made you
change your mind, kid?

I don't know, I just
started thinking.

God love you, partner.

I think they call
that growing up.

Yeah.

Mmm-hmm. Hmm-hmm.

You want that card, don't you?

Mmm. I don't get it, either.

That's right.

What do you think, Fred?

Hello!

This one? Okay.

Fred says that the
five is a dead card.

Thanks, Fred.

You dirty old man. Gin!

You oughta let the rooster
play alone. (knocking)

Hey, rummy! You're
supposed to be a gin player.

What's the matter with you?

I'll cook you, you
jerk. Come in, come in.

Hey, we got a delegation here.

Oh, my Lord! Would
you look at this?

Oh, gracious!

All right! Well, let's see.

Say, what is it? Aah, aah.

You can't do that to
an Italian. That's lethal.

Here, take that off. Oh, my!

Yeah, it's from my mother.

Oh. Let me see here...

"Cuando"...

Oh, I'm gonna take
forever to interpret this.

Would you do the honors for me?

Okay.

"Dear Mr. Baretta,

there's honor in
being a good man.

I had two sons,

and I lost them to the streets

and to the cruelty
of being poor.

You gave me back one son

and for this, I thank you."

Wow.

Well, if you guys don't
wanna see a cockatoo

eat three yards of lasagna,
you better get some dishes.

Over there on the counter.

Get one for the bird, too.

Hey, listen...

Niki, you sure don't
owe me anything, but...

it'd be a big favor to me

if you could get me and your
old man together some time.

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.

Maybe we oughta give
him a little time, huh?

You know us Italians.

Yeah, yeah.

I know us Italians. (spits)

Move over, Fred.

(theme music playing)