Baretta (1975–1978): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Half-Million Dollar Baby - full transcript

There's a half a million
bucks still missing.

So, you're suspending me?!

You didn't turn it
in. You stashed it.

Would it embarrass you if I
were to tell you that I loved you?

(theme music playing)

Stack 'em neat, boys. I
don't want no bulges showin'.

Boss, I ain't never
seen so much money

in my whole life.

You're never
gonna see it again...

So you just forgot you saw it.

Put your nerves
in your hip pocket



and let's do this thing right.

I don't want word
back from Chicago

that we messed up on our end.

No way. Not this, dude.

Not Mattie.

No, this is gonna go
down like fine liquor.

I mean smooth.

♪ Oh, you're just
another pack-rat ♪

♪ Aboard the Nelly B ♪

♪ A finer ship, a tauter ship, ♪

♪ You'll never live to see ♪

♪ We'll sail the main
from here to Spain ♪

♪ And we'll get drunk
and do it again ♪

♪ You're just another pack-rat ♪



♪ Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm ♪

Sing, Fred. Sing a verse.

♪ Oh, you're just
another pack-rat ♪

♪ Aboard the Nelly B ♪

Attaboy! Or I'll choke ya!

Come here, you
pack-rat. Who is this?

Somebody's in my bed!

Don't get biblical on me.

Hey, what does
that, biblical, mean?

Oh... What?

You got dressed. Yeah.

There's no harm done
that can't be undone.

No, no, no. Hold on there, mama.

I gotta go to work. Me, too!

Me too, hell! I'm going to work.

You're staying here. Honey,
I need some shots of you.

You got enough pictures
to choke an elephant.

We can have lunch?
(telephone ringing)

We can go on a picnic.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Hello?

Cock-a-doodle doo!

Hey, Rooster! What's happenin'?

Dig, that thing I
been tellin' you about?

It's comin' down
today. Yeah? When?

You can catch the action at
the corner of Main and Werdin.

At the corner of
Main Street and what?

Werdin, man. Werdin.

What's the matter
with you, baby?

Sounds like you got
something on your mind.

It ain't nothing I
can't handle myself.

Main Street and
Werdin Place. I got ya!

Hey, dig. You come
up with a score,

you gonna pay ol' Rooster
double? Times is hard, baby.

If you're right, I'm
gonna send you

and your boyfriend to
the Bahamas for a month.

Stay cool, baby. Stay cool.

Adios, partner.

That's it, sugar.
Put a hold on it.

I'm going to work. Oh, Tony.

Well, you're not
going without me.

I ain't takin' you with
me... And stop that...

Or I'm gonna punch
you in the head.

You try anything
funny and I'll call a cop.

Yeah? Wait till you hear
what the cop calls you.

Darling, take me with you.

Honey, don't start
that craziness again.

I'm gonna be gone
a couple of hours.

A couple of hours is a lifetime.

I could be dead.
Don't talk that way.

I told you, Fred's very
neurotic. See there?

You got him feeling
insecure. Hey, Fred?

Tony? What, honey?

I feel insecure. I know.

I feel I'm missing
something in life.

I know, honey, I know.

That's why you're
always trying to catch life

in that camera of yours
and hold onto it forever.

But it don't work
that way, sugar.

You gotta live it, or lose it.

Tony, that's so
easy for you to say,

you're Italian.

What's that mean, I'm Italian?

It means I'm 31.

You're what?! I'm 31, Tony.

I been hoodwinked! In that
bed I thought you were 18.

Tony, please! I'm
gonna call my barrister!

I can't wait around for things to
happen. Well don't wait around.

Just clean the joint
up a bit. Be Jewish...

Make me some soup.
Come on, come on.

Now stop it. I'm going.

Tony, please. Now, darn it!

Come on! I'm gonna
be gone for an hour.

Keep busy, keep
busy! I'll keep busy!

I'll keep busy! How would
you like your bird for dinner?

Fried?! Fricasseed?

You nut.

I'm sorry, Fred.

(clicks)

(clicks)

(clicks)

You nut!

What are you doing here?
I told you to stay home!

I was taking some
good pictures of you.

Put your junk in the back of the
car and I'm gonna call you a cab.

I brought you lunch. I
don't want any lunch.

What is this? It's good.

(gunshots)

Get out of here! Take off!

Will you get out of the car?!

Will you stop arguing?!
They'll get away.

(siren blaring)

(clicks)

The first chance I
get, I'm gonna stop

and you're getting
out of this car.

Stop shooting those
pictures and get down!

Wait, just let me get this.
Did you hear what I said?

Will you get down?
I'm getting down!

I'm getting down!

I'm tellin' ya, honey, this is
not kid stuff. Now get down!

(siren continues)

(clicks)

(clicks)

Yeah, it's
counterfeit all right.

Nice fresh plates.

Clean.

Rotating serial numbers.

Tony: How much
do you figure's there?

Oh, five, six million.

I'm through for now, Inspector.

I'll send someone up
from the lab for these.

Okay, thanks.

Baretta, they got a fella down

at the hospital named
"Mattie the Fish."

Did you ever hear of him?

Nope.

Seems he's a delivery
boy for Aldo Santeen.

Yeah, I've heard of him.

They picked this Mattie up

at your stakeout with
three slugs in his gut.

He was one of the guys.

It's 50-50 whether he's gonna live,
but they got a statement from him.

Yeah?

He said he was carrying for
Santeen at the time he was shot...

A half a million...
in real money.

That figures... the guys that
were selling that toilet paper...

They ain't selling
it for popcorn.

Yeah, but the question is,
where is the half a million?

With the three guys
that got away, right?

Your report here
doesn't say anything

about anybody taking
anything away from the scene.

There was a lot
going on around there.

I couldn't see who
was carrying what.

But you think they took it?

Yeah, sure I do.
What do you think?

Do you have any
idea who they are?

Nope.

All right, you got three John Doe
warrants for attempted murder.

If they do have the money, we'll
be lucky if they're still in town.

So it would please me if
you bring them in here fast.

It would please me, too.

Just bring them in, Baretta.

And the money.

Yeah, sure.

Money. Money, Fred!

One for you and one for me.

We're alive.

Hi, Madame La Zonga. Hi, honey.

You told me that
you didn't own a suit.

You're a liar. What are
you doing with that thing?

That ain't seen daylight
since I graduated high school.

Hi, dummy. You know?

I'll bet you're murdering
a million moths in there.

Come here and talk to me.

You know? You
didn't notice my dress.

I noticed your
dress. It's beautiful.

Really, you look
terrific. Thanks.

Stand on your head!
Your shirt's beautiful.

Attaboy! Come
rollin' over for me.

Now talk like a
chicken. Chicken?

(clucks) Terrific.

Bark, bark. (barks)

Get up here.

Come over here and rest.

No, don't eat that. Why not?

Don't eat it because
we're going out to dinner.

(slow jazz music playing)

Ooh!

Ooh, that's rank!
You know, Tony?

You probably just dropped
two dollars in your lap.

Yeah, well ask my
lap how it tastes.

I wonder if they got
a beer around here.

Tony? Huh?

Would it embarrass you if I
were to tell you that I loved you?

Oh, do you think you do?

Well, you give
me enough trouble.

I don't know if
I do or not, I...

I feel that I could,
if I let myself.

I feel that way.

Hey, Ginger...

Mr. Astaire would like
to loosen up his pins.

Do you wanna hit the floor?

Huh?

Okay.

I know I've been
a pain in the tush.

I've always been like that,

but I think we're good together.

Oh, yeah. We're
terrific together!

You keep trying to get a
shot of me getting killed.

That's lovely! Tony, be serious.

Now here's a girl pouring
out her heart to you.

Yeah, the rest ain't
bad either, darlin'.

I like you so much!

(kisses)

Sometimes I feel so lost.

Who the hell am I, anyway?

Shh.

Andrea Holland.

That's not even my real name.

I was born on a farm.

I should have had
three kids by now.

Hey, you know what
my old man always said?

"You take shoulda', and coulda',

and 10¢ and you
get a cup of coffee."

You know what that means?

That means you stop kvetchin'
and you keep on strokin'.

Just keep on strokin'.

(humming)

Stay here a minute,
darlin'. I will get the wheels.

Why don't you ever let
the doorman park the car?

No, no... you'd be
embarrassed with that junk.

It only talks Italian... that's
how come I gotta drive it.

Watch that telephone, don't
let it run away, you hear?

Don't pick nobody up.

Maybe just one?

(humming)

Get his gun.

I got it.

Where's the money, cop?

We read the papers.
You didn't turn it in.

You stashed it!

(gunshots)

Tony?!

Tony!

Tony! Tony!

I'm okay.

I'm okay. Get me to the car.

Come on.

Everbody's looking
for a half million dollars.

I don't know what
the hell's going on.

(bird cries) (screams)

Billy? Get up here, man!
Something terrible went down.

I didn't even think
about it, Tony.

They came in
and hit the elevator

like they knew the
place. Man, was I stupid.

But I didn't know
you were in any heat.

I was stupid, man. I
should have told ya.

Is there anything
you can give me?

Muncey.

Muncey? Muncey.

He was drivin' the cab. I
saw him through the door.

Beautiful! Yeah.

What's that cab number?
Never mind. I got it.

What time was it?

Oh, 10:30 or 1 1:00.

Yeah, hello. This
is Tony Baretta.

I'm a friend of Bill Muncey's.
Does he happen to be there?

Oh, beautiful. Will
you put him on?

Hey, Muncey? Listen.

Tonight about 10:30, 11:00,
you picked up three suits.

You drove 'em over to my hotel.

Where'd you pick 'em
up? Look on your pad.

Great! Great! Thank
you. No, everything's cool.

Just keep your mouth
shut. Everything will be fine.

Yeah... adios. (snaps)

He's still inside.

Well, get over there
by the doorway.

He won't be in there long.

Them cowboys ain't gonna be
waitin' around where he can find them.

I was wondering when
we'd meet, Baretta.

You've stayed away
from me for a long time.

For a cop, that is very good.

Well, I like to keep
the folks happy if I can.

It would make me
happy if your boy up there

could point that
thing someplace else.

How much do you
like living, Baretta?

As opposed to what?

I'm gonna give you a
chance to go on living.

Give me back what belongs to me.

That wouldn't be
500 G's, would it?

Yeah, 500 G's.

You know, if that
thing happens to go off,

we're both gonna splatter
all over that pretty suit...

Mr. Detective, I'm
short on patience.

I'm a businessman.

Nobody gave me what I got
and nobody takes it from me.

Now, I want my money
back. No, no, don't get tense.

You're looking for your
money. I ain't got your money.

But I'm looking for
it too. I promise you.

The only reason
you're still breathin',

is because it ain't worth

a half a mil to waste you yet.

I hope you believe me, 'cause
I'm too scared to be lying to you.

I ain't got your money, but
the guys who got your money

are the same guys that messed
up your little party this afternoon.

Do you think I'm stupid? No.

Those cowboys from
Chicago is trying to burn you.

You think they're doing
it because they like you?

Do you know who they are?

Yeah, they used to
work for a partner of mine.

They came here to burn me.

They didn't get
what they came for.

If they had it, they'd
be gone by now.

Yeah, that figures.

Are you playing
dumb with me, Baretta?

I ain't playing stupid.
Sometimes I am stupid.

But I'm catching up to you fast.

You ain't got the money
and I ain't got the money.

And it figures them cowboys ain't
got the money. You got 12 hours.

Get me back what belonged
to me or you're a corpse.

(door opening)

Tony, where've you been?
I've been worried sick.

I thought you were dead.
I've been to the County Fair,

and the birds and
bees were there.

Yeah, me dead.

You know, that ain't a bad
bet the way things are going.

What are you looking
at me like that for?

Well, you see, I got this
little hunk of brain-fever

right up here in the
corner of my head

and I can't get rid of it.

I figure maybe you can help me.

Sure.

What is it?

It's a half a million
dollars is what it is.

Now you see, these
guys from Chicago,

they beat me up
'cause they think I got it.

And tonight this big
macher named Santeen,

who is a bad man, he
said he's gonna snuff me

if I don't give it back to him.

But I ain't got it to
give back to nobody

except I'm starting
to think I got it

'cause everybody
keeps telling me I got it.

Anyway, well...

you were there
with me and I figure

maybe you saw something

that I didn't see or whatever.

Like what?

Like a half a million
dollars in a bag.

It sure would get
me off the hook.

Tony, are you
asking me if I stole it?

No, honey.

I'm just mumbling
to myself about it.

You're accusing me!
I'm not accusing you.

I'm just, you know,
thinking out loud.

Trying to figure
something out, that's all.

Well, wait a minute. I
want to get pictures of this.

Let me go get my
camera and I'll set it up.

If I'm a suspect, why don't
you search my apartment?

I already searched
your apartment, Andy.

Tony.

I'm a cop, you see?

I'm a cop.

I gotta hit the streets.

I gotta get me some info.

When are you going?

I'm gonna go now.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

Yeah, I know. Some of
my people don't get up

till 3:00 or 4:00
in the morning.

You'd be surprised what
goes on in the streets

when there ain't nobody
awake except me and the owls.

Tony? Yeah?

You were kidding about
them killing you, weren't you?

Oh, yeah. That's nothing.

That's just a little
cops-and-robbers talk.

See you later, sugar.

You'll lock the door
on your way, right?

Well, Rooster.

If it ain't you, man, it
ain't gonna be nobody.

I hear you.

I shouldn't even
be talking to you.

I'm hearing how
dudes with big cannons

is talking about blowing you
away before the day is out.

Well, I don't figure you want
me to fall before you get a taste.

Hey, I don't want
you checking out at all.

Maybe you see my
man over there... Slit?

He'll tell you something
you need to know.

That ain't gonna be hard,
'cause I don't know nothing,

that's for damn sure.

Yeah, I know that.

That's all your life's worth?

Um, um, um.

My man, Rooster,
says you want to talk.

You Baretta? You Slit?

I need something from you.

No, no, no. I don't
deal that way.

First you cop
and then we'll talk.

All right.

You know those three
guys from Chicago?

The ones staying
at the Marcus Hotel?

Yeah. You been looking for them?

I know where they are. Where?

A friend of mine got them a pad

they could lay up in for awhile.

Yeah? Where?

It's at 1118 Kettleman Street.

Room 19.

Second floor,
front of the building.

Good enough. I got it.

My man, Rooster,
says you're cool.

That's good with me. No, no.

I don't want no money, sir.

What do ya want?
Forget the "sir."

My kid sister is in the slammer.

Come on, man. I can't
get nobody outta the joint.

I ain't asking that.

I know.

She was busted two
days ago for dope...

Yeah?

And she was thin then.

She must be in the
middle of hell right now,

'cause they got her in
the damn tank downtown

along with a lot of
tough broads, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm worried she ain't
gonna make it without help.

She's my kid sister.

I know I shoulda helped her
when she was on the outside.

I damn sure can't
let her down now.

Please, Baretta, please.

Anything you can do.

I'll get her on a
medical program.

You got my word.

When she gets out,

you take better care of her

or you and me are
gonna talk again.

Okay? Yeah.

I won't forget.

(mumbling)

Let me have some.

Hey, you got us
some change, man?

We'll get us some Tokay.

I gotta have nine more cents.

You got some money? Money? No.

Shh!

Stay right here. My
brother-in-law lives up there.

I'm gonna get us a
whole gallon of Tokay.

Hey, Jack, save some for me.

Save some for me.

Save me some, Jack.

(dog barking)

Wake up and die, rummy.

I've been dozing.
Mickey, you awake?

Never mind, Mickey!

Get up there! Get
against the wall!

Spread 'em! Spread 'em!

Who are you?

You know who I am. I'm Baretta.

I'm the guy you
been working over.

Now we're gonna find
out why. He's asking us?

Yeah, I'm asking you! Why?

What about a deal? What are
you talking about? What deal?

We split it up. You give
us half, we leave you alone.

There's two things
wrong with that...

First, I don't want
half and second,

I ain't got none of it.

Now, why are you
working me over?!

(screaming)

Hey, Jack? Where's my wine?

You didn't save me none?

Uh-oh. The suits are here, huh?

We're Internal Affairs, Baretta.

We got some questions for you.

Yeah, I figured.
Can't it wait till later?

I'm trying to get out of here.

Why don't you relax?
You're out of action.

Don't believe everything you
hear. The doctor released me.

It doesn't matter what the
doctor said, you're suspended.

I'm what?!

(cell door closing)

Woman: She's the
one in the corner there.

Mimi?

I'm a friend of your
brother's. It's okay.

I'm a friend of Slit's.

I'm gonna help you.

I'm gonna let them
take you out of here.

I'm gonna take
you to a hospital.

Okay? Yeah.

Okay, come on.

Attagirl.

Tony? Hi, sweetie.

Ugh. I'm sorry.

I called the hospital.
They said you'd be all right.

I ain't never gonna be okay,

but they ain't never
gonna get me, either.

Where's your stuff?

What's going on?

I'm leaving. What?!

Billy's taken most of my
stuff down to be shipped.

Where are you going?
Home. To Gettysburg.

What do you mean? Just...
just like that, you're going?

I thought about
it after you left

and I realized that
I've been bad for you.

Tony, it's what I feel.

Hmm.

Well, my old man always said
you gotta go with the feeling.

Maybe I ought to
up and go with you.

Oh, Tony, do you
mean that? Come on.

Why not? They took
my badge away from me.

I'm on suspension.
I can't do my job.

Besides that, there's a bunch of
rummies out there waiting to shoot me.

I oughta just go.

Naw... I ain't gonna go.

Tony?

Do you love me?

Andy, you're one of the
most beautiful women

I've ever known...
Inside and out.

And that's the truth.

But?

I understand. Now, now, now.

It's all right. I can
take care of myself.

Just let me out of
here. What is this?

My bus ticket to Gettysburg.

Andy? No, Tony.

I have to put my life together.

I mean, you said it yourself...

"You'd either live
it or you lose it."

Sugar.

I'm betting on you, pal.

Do you hear me?

Thanks.

(bird-calls)

Hello.

She's gone, Fred.

That's the name of that tune.

That leaves you and me, huh?

Well, it ain't the first time,
and it won't be the last.

My old man always
said, "They're all special."

But she was
something, wasn't she?

How about it?

You think she was right for me?

Nah, she probably had
a little too much class

for us old pack-rats.

That's something, though.

You come home and she's
taking a bus to Gettysburg.

Mm, mm, mm.

What's she taking a bus for?

She ain't never been
on a bus in her life.

She wouldn't know where
the hell to sit or anything.

Andy?

You knew.

I tried to tell you
in the apartment,

but I didn't know
how much you knew.

I let you down, darlin'. I
should have understood.

I should have heard you
when you were telling me.

I let you down. You
didn't let me down.

You're with me.
You'll come with me.

No, I won't.

You gotta come with me.

Oh, Tony.

(pinball game rattling)

Do you want to live
or do you want to die?

Be quiet, sweetheart,
or he gets blown away.

(car engine starts)

You're a jackass, Baretta...

And with your
reputation on the streets.

Well, a half million's a
lot of money, partner.

So, you got tempted.

Almost pulled it off.

I see you brought a
lady alone with you.

Mr. Santeen, Tony didn't
have anything to do with it.

I found it...

I found it on my own
and hid it from him.

Please believe me.

So, that's why he came
along with you to pick it up.

Nice try, lady, but
Baretta knows me.

Baretta knows what
I do to stupid people.

Listen, man. Ain't nobody
knows here what's going down.

So you got the money.

All you gotta do is go on
down the road, let us out.

Killin' a cop, that's
a jackass move.

You talk pretty
smart for a corpse.

Nobody knows I got the money.

Nobody knows I got you.

Not the people you work for,

the IRS or nobody.

And when I put you in a
hole, that'll be the end of it.

(cocks gun)

Let's go!

Move, chump!

Nothing personal, Baretta.

Everybody's gotta go
sometime, you and me.

This just happened
to be your time.

(laughs)

(cocks gun)

(gunshots)

Andy, what are you doing jumping in
front of a gun? Tony, are you all right?

Did they hurt you? Are you
all right? You crazy woman.

(gunshots)

In the hospital, huh?

Yeah, she's gonna be fine.

Visiting her in the
hospital was easy,

but boy, going to see
her in the slammer,

that's gonna be something else.

Nobody wins them all.

Yeah.

I sure wish I could
have helped her.

You know, in her own way,

she kept trying to tell
me, and I didn't listen.

Big, sensitive cop,

and I didn't hear nothing.

She'll serve her time
and she'll get out.

She'll have scars
like all the rest of us.

She'll join the human race.

Remember what your
daddy used to say...

"Keep strokin'.

Just keep strokin'."

Play the black five
and don't be so smart.

The five. Thank you.

(theme music playing)