Bar Rescue (2011–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Dumb - full transcript

Bar Expert Jon Taffer must patch holes in a sinking Pirate-themed bar in Silver Spring, Maryland. However, mutiny is in the air when Jon forces the pirate staff to cater to the city's corporate clientele.

- LAST YEAR, MORE THAN
5,000 FAILING BARS NATIONWIDE

CLOSED THEIR DOORS FOR GOOD.

IF THINGS DON'T CHANGE SOON,

PIRATZ TAVERN
IN SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND,

WILL BECOME
JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC.

- THIS ISN'T JUST ANY BAR,
IT'S A "BAAARRR."

[indistinct cheer]

- IN 2007, AFTER A LONG CAREER
IN CORPORATE COMMUNICATIONS,

TRACY REBELO HOSTS A SUCCESSFUL
PIRATE-THEMED HALLOWEEN PARTY.

SHE WANTED TO BRING THIS THEME
TO HER EVERYDAY LIFE.

SO SHE LAUNCHED PIRATZ TAVERN.



[silly giggling]

- BEING A PIRATE'S THE ULTIMATE
PETER PAN SYNDROME--

TO LIVE LIKE A CHILD,
YET BE AN ADULT.

[laughter, overlapping chatter]

- FROM THE BEGINNING,

PIRATZ ONLY ATTRACTED
A TINY CUSTOMER BASE

OF RENAISSANCE FAIRE REENACTORS
AND CAREER PIRATE PERFORMERS

WHO LIVE MOST OF THEIR LIVES
IN CHARACTER.

- THEY CALL ME ONE-EYED MIKE,
BECAUSE, WELL,

THERE REALLY ONLY IS
ONE EYE IN MIKE.

THE ONLY PIRATE YOU'LL EVER
MEET IN 200 YEARS

THAT ACTUALLY LOST HIS LEFT EYE
TO A SWORD DUEL.

- TRACY'S INEXPERIENCE
FIRST SURFACED

WHEN SHE HIRED
HER HUSBAND JUCIANO



TO RUN THE KITCHEN
WITH NO COOKING BACKGROUND.

- FIRE IN THE HOLE.
THERE'S A FIRE OVER THERE.

- HER NEXT FATAL FLAW

WAS STAFFING THE BAR
WITH THE CUSTOMERS.

- WE'RE REAL PIRATES.

WE DON'T REALLY HAVE A CAPTAIN

AND WE JUST DRINK
AND WE PARTY ALL THE TIME.

- NO TELL ME HOW DO ME JOB.
I DO ME JOB.

- THE PIRATES CONTINUED
TO ACT LIKE CUSTOMERS

WHILE ACTUAL CUSTOMERS
MADE THEIR WAY OUT THE DOOR.

- WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN
TO COME DOWN HERE,

BUT THIS WAS ONE OF THE, LIKE,
WORST EXPERIENCES EVER.

- FOR FIVE YEARS, TRACY TURNED
A BLIND EYE TO HER BOOKKEEPING,

AND NOW PIRATZ
IS JUST A FEW MONTHS

FROM BEING SHUT DOWN
PERMANENTLY.

- I AM $900,000 IN DEBT.

I LOST MY HOUSE,
MY CREDIT WAS SHOT,

I LOST EVERYTHING.

I NEED HELP.

- NOW, WITH PIRATZ TAVERN
IN DANGER OF SINKING FOR GOOD,

TRACY HAS AGREED
TO PULL BACK THE DOORS,

BUST OPEN THE BOOKS,

AND MAKE A CALL FOR HELP
TO BAR RESCUE.

RUNNING A BAR
IS NOT JUST A BUSINESS,

IT'S A SCIENCE.

FROM THE HEIGHT
OF THE STOOLS

TO WHERE YOUR EYES FALL FIRST
ON A MENU,

NO ONE KNOWS MORE
ABOUT BAR SCIENCE

THAN JON TAFFER.

- I DON'T EMBRACE EXCUSES.

I EMBRACE SOLUTIONS.

- OVER THE LAST 36 YEARS,
JON HAS TRANSFORMED

HUNDREDS OF FAILING BARS
WORLDWIDE.

- I BELIEVE
THAT YOU COULD DO THIS.

- USING HIS PROVEN METHODS
AND NO-NONSENSE APPROACH...

- DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

- JON WILL TURN
THESE MONEY PITS...

- CLEAN THE [bleep] PLACE OUT!

- INTO MONEYMAKERS.

[raucous rock music]

- ON THE NORTHERN BORDER
OF WASHINGTON, D.C.

LIES SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND--

A MIDDLE-CLASS SUBURB

WITH A THRIVING
CENTRAL BUSINESS DISTRICT.

BY DAY, SILVER SPRING
HAS A LARGE BUSINESS POPULATION

WITH PLENTY
OF DISPOSABLE INCOME.

BY NIGHT, THOSE BUSINESSPEOPLE
HAVE GONE HOME,

AND A STRUGGLING TAVERN
BLEEDS ITSELF DRY.

OWNER TRACY REBELO HAS CALLED
NIGHTLIFE EXPERT JON TAFFER HERE

TO FIGURE OUT WHY.

- THERE IT IS--
PIRATZ TAVERN.

- PLACE LOOKS COMPLETELY DEAD.

- BEFORE JON CAN START
HIS WORK ON PIRATZ,

HE AND HIS WIFE NICOLE
PREPARE THE RECON.

- THEY LIVE THIS
PIRATE LIFESTYLE IN THERE.

- WOW.

- I'M TOLD IT BORDERS
ON BIZARRE.

THE YELP REVIEWS ARE TERRIBLE.

"HORRIBLE SERVICE,
HORRIBLE FOOD,

"HORRIBLE TACKY DECOR.

"HONESTLY, I WOULD RATHER
WALK THE PLANK

THAN GO BACK TO THIS DUMP."

NO STARS.
- WOW.

I'M DYING
TO GO INTO THIS PLACE.

- RECON IS CRITICAL
TO MY PROCESS.

IT'S EASY FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND

THE FINANCIAL ISSUES
OF THE BUSINESS,

I ALSO HAVE TO LEARN WHAT
THE CUSTOMER PERSPECTIVE IS.

THAT PERSPECTIVE IS EXTREMELY
HELPFUL TO MY FINAL DECISIONS.

NICOLE HEADS
INTO PIRATZ TAVERN--

A 2,800-SQUARE-FOOT
LINEAR SPACE

WITH AN UNDERUTILIZED STRETCH
OF TABLE SEATING IN THE FRONT

AND A BAR AREA IN THE BACK.

OUTSIDE IS
AN UNOCCUPIED PATIO.

- HELLO.
- OH, HI.

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE A MENU.
- IN ADDITION

TO THE CAMERAS THAT HAVE BEEN
FOLLOWING THE PIRATZ STAFF,

HIDDEN CAMERAS HAVE BEEN PLACED
AROUND THE BAR

TO CAPTURE NICOLE'S RECON.

MY FIRST IMPRESSION,
HEADING INTO PIRATZ,

IS THEY'RE REALLY
IN THEIR OWN LITTLE WORLD HERE.

THERE ARE SOME PHALLIC SYMBOLS
IN THE BACK,

THE WAITRESSES ARE POURING
OUT OF THEIR SHIRTS.

- ALL OF OUR DRINKS ARE LISTED
ON THE FIRST COUPLE PAGES,

INCLUDING OUR WINE LIST.

- SO I ORDERED A GLASS OF WINE
OFF THE MENU.

- THIS IS MY PERSONAL CHOICE,

SO IT'S OUR MERLOT.
IT'S A VERY GOOD ONE.

- THE STAFF WAS VERY FRIENDLY,
ALMOST OVERLY FRIENDLY,

LIKE AS IF THEY WERE TRYING
TO COVER UP FOR SOMETHING ELSE.

HELLO.

- CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING ELSE
OR ARE YOU GOOD WITH THAT?

- AT SOME POINT
THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT,

ALMOST EVERY EMPLOYEE CAME UP TO
ME TO FIND OUT WHAT I WAS DOING.

I THINK THESE PEOPLE KNOW
WHO I AM--

I'VE BEEN MADE.

NOT GOOD.
SO I JUST GOT UP AND WALKED OUT.

HAVE YOURSELF A NICE NIGHT,
ALL RIGHT?

- THANK YOU.
- SEE YOU.

- WITH NICOLE BEING MADE
BY THE PIRATZ STAFF,

SHE WAS UNABLE TO GET
A TRUE SENSE

OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE
INSIDE.

- I KNEW NICOLE WOULD
STICK OUT

LIKE A SORE THUMB
IN THIS PLACE,

BUT I HAVE A BACKUP PLAN.

BILL AND JEN RODENHISER
OWE ME A FAVOR.

SO I'M HAVING THEM COME OUT
AND BE MY SPIES TONIGHT.

- LAST YEAR,
JON SAVED THE CHICKEN BONE

IN FRAMINGHAM, MASSACHUSETTS,
FROM CERTAIN DEMISE.

I AM NOT GONNA GET PEOPLE SICK.
- THAT'S TRUE.

- OKAY.
- YOU LET IT HAPPEN.

I'M FIXING IT.
- THIS IS [bleep] [bleep].

- JON RELAUNCHED A NEW BAR
CALLED THE BONE

AND GAVE
BILL AND JEN RODENHISER

A SECOND CHANCE.

- JON REALLY HELPED US
WITH OUR BAR,

SO IT WAS ONLY NATURAL
TO SUPPORT HIM

IN DOING THIS RECON.

- BUT UNLIKE NICOLE,

THEY ARE UNABLE TO GET HELP
FROM ANYBODY ON THE STAFF.

- I WONDER IF ANYBODY'S HERE.

THERE'S A PIRATE.

- WAIT, YOU WANT
TO JUST GO BACK THERE?

- I THINK WE SHOULD
JUST GO BACK THERE.

- WE WERE WAITING FOR QUITE
A WHILE, SO WE SAT DOWN.

- MAYBE WE SHOULD, LIKE,
CHECK IN WITH SOMEONE?

[laughs]

THIS IS KIND OF WACKED.

SIR, CAN WE GET SOME MENUS?

- [from afar]
AYE, AYE--

- DOES ANYBODY WORK HERE?
- HI.

- OH.
JUST GONNA SEAT YOURSELVES

WHEREVER THE [bleep] YOU LIKE,
ARE YOU NOW?

- WELL, WE WERE WAITING...
- HI.

- AND WAITING AND WAITING.
- YEAH.

- THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME
AND SO MANY OF YOU.

- IT WAS--IT WAS ODD.

- ALL RIGHT,
SO WE'RE GONNA GET SOME--

LET'S START OFF WITH THE GROG.

- OUR REGULAR OR TOP SHELF?

ALL DEPENDS ON HOW GROGGY
YOU WANT TO FEEL THE NEXT DAY.

- I'D LIKE
TO FEEL RATHER GROGGY, PLEASE.

- AH, THEN GO WITH
THE REGULAR THEN.

- IT WAS LIKE A RUM SODA.

I DON'T KNOW.

REALLY BAD.

IT WAS, UH,
IT WAS NASTY.

- WHAT'S THE FRESH CATCH?
- FRESH CATCH?

UH, LET ME CHECK.

JUCIANO, FRESH CATCH TODAY--
MAHI?

YEAH, MAHI.
YES, IT'S MAHI.

- FRESH MAHI'S FRESH?
- YES.

- OKAY, GREAT.

- RIGHT.
I'LL HAVE IT FOR YOU.

- THE FRESH CATCH
WAS LIKE FROZEN--I DON'T KNOW,

POND BASS
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

IT WAS NASTY.

- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S JUST--
THAT'S SO GROSS.

IT WAS A DISGUSTING CHUNK
OF WHITE, SMELLY--

I COULDN'T EVEN TAKE A BITE.

- THIS SUCKS.

- IS THIS YOUR GROG?
- IT IS.

- WE'RE HONESTLY STRUGGLING
A LITTLE BIT.

- IS THIS FRESH?
- THAT'S GOT TO BE FROZEN FISH.

IS IT FROZEN?

-IF IT'S THE MAHI ENTREE
IT IS, YEAH.

- IT'S FROZEN?

- WELL, IT WASN'T PUT
ON THE PLATE.

IT WASN'T PUT ON THE GRILL,
FROZEN.

- THIS REALLY WAS A TERRIBLE,
TERRIBLE DINING EXPERIENCE--

THE WORST I'VE EVER HAD.
IT WAS HORRID.

WE JUST GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

- YOU JUST NEED
TO GET OUT OF HERE?

HE SHOULD BE BRINGING YOU
BACK THE BILL,

AND I DID TAKE SOME STUFF
OFF YOUR BILL.

AND I APOLOGIZE
THAT THINGS WEREN'T UP TO PAR.

WE'RE WORKING ON IT.

- AFTER AN HOUR
INSIDE PIRATZ TAVERN,

BILL AND JEN EMERGED
TO REPORT THEIR FINDINGS.

- FIRST OF ALL, THANKS
FOR DOING THIS FOR ME, GUYS.

- ABSOLUTELY.
- WHAT DID YOU THINK?

- IT'S TOUGH IN THERE.

THE STAFF WAS REALLY ODD.

IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE.

- HOW BAD WAS THE FOOD?

- THE FOOD WAS DISGUSTING.

THERE WAS A MAHI, AND IT
WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FRESH.

THEY WERE FROZEN PRODUCTS.

- NO TRUTH IN MENU.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE TO DRINK?

- I STARTED OFF WITH THE GROG,

AND, I MEAN, IT WAS JUST--
IT WAS DISGUSTING.

I THINK THAT
THEY REALLY BELIEVE

THAT'S A GOOD PRODUCT
TO BE SERVING.

- SO YOU THINK
THEY THINK THEY DID IT RIGHT.

- I DO BELIEVE THAT, YES.
- WOW.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, GUYS,
THIS IS A STRANGE ONE,

'CAUSE IT RUNS DEEP.

IT'S MORE THAN JUST FOOD,
MORE THAN JUST BEVERAGES--

THERE'S A CULTURAL THING IN THIS
BUSINESS THAT'S KILLING IT.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
I'M GOING TO WORK.

- ALL RIGHT.
- I'LL SEE YOU.

- TAKE CARE.

- JON HEADS INTO PIRATZ TAVERN

TO MEET WITH OWNER TRACY
ABOUT WHAT HE'S LEARNED.

- HELLO.
- JON TAFFER.

- WELCOME TO PIRATZ TAVERN.
- NICE TO BE HERE.

WERE YOU BUSY?

- I THINK...
MY PLACE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

- LET'S SIT DOWN AND TALK
FOR A FEW MINUTES.

- OKAY.

- THE PROBLEM WITH THIS BAR
IS THE CONCEPT.

IT'S A PIRATE BAR!
IN SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND.

CORPORATE PEOPLE DON'T WANT
TO GO HAVE LUNCH

IN A PIRATE BAR.

- SO HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED
TO OPEN A PIRATE BAR?

- IT'S SORT OF
THE ULTIMATE ADULT FANTASY--

DANGEROUS AND SEXY.

- HOW'S IT WORKING?

- I THINK THE PEOPLE
THAT COME IN HERE AND GET IT

ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT,
AND THEY COME BACK.

AND EXTREMELY--
- NOT A LOT COMING BACK.

- NOT A LOT COMING BACK,
YEAH.

I KNOW WE'RE LOSING MONEY.

I KNOW WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY
TO PAY ALL THE BILLS.

BUT WE'RE A NICHE MARKET,

AND WHEN PEOPLE DO
COME IN HERE, THEY LOVE US.

- ARE YOU MAKING MONEY?
- NO.

I HAVE NOT DRAWN A SALARY
FOR SIX YEARS.

- HOW ARE YOU SURVIVING?

- I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS
IN THE BASEMENT OF THEIR HOUSE.

WITH MY HUSBAND
AND MY 17-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.

- SO IT'S IMPACTED
YOUR DAUGHTER,

IT'S IMPACTED YOUR PARENTS,

IT'S IMPACTED YOUR LIFE,
BUT IT'S STILL A VISION

THAT YOU THINK
HAS BEEN WORTHWHILE FOR YOU.

- YES, I DO.

- SHE'S DELUSIONAL.

SHE DOESN'T ACCEPT THE REALITY
OF HER OWN MISTAKES.

AS SOON AS SHE ACCEPTS
THAT REALITY,

I CAN START TAKING HER
TO SUCCESS.

SO MY QUESTION IS THIS--

WHEN DO YOU GET GOOD
AT RUNNING THIS PLACE?

'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOOD
AT IT NOW, YOU KNOW THAT.

YOUR FOOD STINKS, RIGHT?

I MEAN, I SENT
MY RECON PEOPLE IN--

THE COUPLE IN THE PIRATE SUITS.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

- YOU COMPED THEIR ENTIRE FOOD,
DIDN'T YOU?

- YES.
- THE FRESH FISH WAS FROZEN.

IT WAS A LIE.

BUT YOU SIT BEFORE ME
SAYING THIS IS YOUR DREAM.

- THAT'S TRUE.

- I'M REALIZING I MIGHT NOT
BE ABLE TO FIX THIS BAR.

IF TRACY DOESN'T CHANGE
THE WAY SHE THINKS,

SHE WILL FAIL.

I NEED YOU TO COME CLEAN
WITH ME, TRACY.

- OKAY.
- ARE YOU ASHAMED?

- NO.
- YOU'RE NOT ASHAMED?

- NO.

- WELL, IF YOU'RE NOT ASHAMED

OF WHAT YOU SERVED TONIGHT
TO PEOPLE,

THEN I'M GONNA TELL YOU,
YOU SHOULD CLOSE THIS PLACE NOW.

IF YOU'RE NOT ASHAMED

BY THE FACT
THAT YOU HAVE MENU LIES,

THAT YOU'RE SERVING FOOD
THAT IS UNDERCOOKED...

WHAT MAKES YOU ASHAMED?

- I HAVE AN ESTABLISHMENT
THAT I BELIEVE--

- YOU'RE NOT ASHAMED
OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

- NO.
- THEN I CAN'T HELP YOU.

[bangs table] 'CAUSE YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA HAVE PRIDE IN IT.

ARE YOU ASHAMED OF THE FOOD
THAT WAS SERVED TONIGHT?

- NO.

- YOUR FOOD IS THE WORST
I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT STINKS!

REALLY?
- YEAH.

- WELL, YOU SHOULD STOP COOKING
TOMORROW AND NOT COOK ANYMORE.

YOUR FOOD STINKS.

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU.

SHE HAD TO BUY THEM
YOUR DINNER TONIGHT,

'CAUSE YOU BLEW IT!

- NO, BECAUSE YOU BLEW IT!

AND HOW DARE YOU PUT HER--
[overlapping yelling]

I GOT MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME.

YOU'RE A FOOL, MAN.
YOU'RE A FOOL.

I CANNOT SUCCEED.

I CAN'T FIX THIS BAR

UNTIL THESE PEOPLE ACCEPT
THAT THEY'RE FAILING.

- PIRATZ TAVERN
IS A FINANCIAL SHIPWRECK

IN SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND.

OWNER TRACY HAS CALLED

WORLD-RENOWNED BAR CONSULTANT
JON TAFFER FOR HELP.

AS SOON AS JON SUGGESTS
ONE BIG PROBLEM

MIGHT BE HER HUSBAND JUCIANO'S
ABILITIES AS CHEF...

- YOUR FOOD STINKS, RIGHT?

- HE GETS SOME FEEDBACK.

- LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU.

SHE HAD TO BUY THEM
YOUR DINNER TONIGHT,

'CAUSE YOU BLEW IT!

- NO, 'CAUSE YOU BLEW IT!

I CAN'T FIX THIS BAR

UNTIL THESE PEOPLE ACCEPT
THAT THEY'RE FAILING.

YOU NEED TO LOOK
INTO YOUR SOUL AND SAY,

"I WANT A BUSINESS
I'M PROUD OF."

- I DO.
- IT STARTS BY UNDERSTANDING

THAT WE'RE NOT
PROUD OF IT NOW.

- I NEED YOUR HELP.

- OKAY, LET'S FIX IT.
- OKAY.

- FIVE YEARS AND
A MILLION DOLLARS OF YOUR LIFE

COMES DOWN TO FIVE DAYS.

- JON GATHERS THE STAFF

TO CONFRONT THEIR PIRATE FANTASY
WITH SOME HARSH REALITY.

- HI, GUYS.
MY NAME IS JON TAFFER.

FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS,
YOU WORK FOR ME.

FIXING BARS IS EASY.

FIXING PEOPLE IS TOUGH.

YOU GUYS ARE POURING DRINKS THAT
PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT,

YOU'RE SERVING FOOD
THAT PEOPLE CAN'T EAT,

AND SHE'S SINKING
BECAUSE OF IT!

YOUR SMIRK IS GONNA BURY YOU.

YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY
THAT SHE'S IN DEBT $900,000?

- NO, IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
- THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR.

- NEITHER IS A GROWN MAN
YELLING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS

AT PEOPLE WHO AREN'T CHILDREN.

- WELL, YOU'RE DRESSED
LIKE A SIX-YEAR-OLD CHILD.

I WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THAT.

- I DON'T LIKE
AN ARROGANT [bleep].

I AM ONE.

LET HIM PUSH ME TOO FAR--
WE'LL SEE.

- I DO THIS PROFESSIONALLY
FOR A LIVING.

AND IF HE THINKS THIS IS A GETUP
A SIX-YEAR-OLD WOULD WEAR,

IT MAKES ME ANGRY.

- GET SOME REST.
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA NEED IT.

WE'RE GONNA TURN THIS
INTO A MONEY MACHINE.

- HE'S GONNA MAKE ME
PUT ON A SHIRT AND A TIE?

NO.

- IT'S A PIRATE BAR.

YOU DON'T LIKE IT,
GET THE [bleep] OUT.

- FIXING A BAR OF PIRATES
IS A TALL ORDER.

THE NEXT DAY,
JON CALLS IN BACKUP

TO ASSESS THE BUSINESS'
ADDLED OPERATIONS.

TO ADDRESS THE INEXPERIENCE
IN THE KITCHEN,

JON TURNS TO CHEF JOSH CAPON.

CHEF CAPON HAS A KNACK FOR
CREATING SLEEK, ENTICING MENUS

FOR A FAST-PACED BUSINESS CROWD.

WITH TWO SUCCESSFUL RESTAURANTS
UNDER HIS BELT,

HE'S JUST THE MAN
TO REMEDY JUCIANO'S WEAKNESSES

IN THE KITCHEN.

THE FIRST THING
CHEF CAPON LOOKS AT IS THE MENU.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK, CHEF?

- IT'S CRAZY--
LITERALLY.

AT OVER 18 PAGES LONG,

WITH OVER 146 CHOICES,

THE PIRATZ MENU IS NOT ONLY
A BURDEN ON THE KITCHEN,

BUT ON CUSTOMERS AS WELL.

ON AVERAGE, CUSTOMERS SPEND
109 SECONDS

READING AND DECIDING
THEIR MENU CHOICE.

BEYOND THIS POINT,

RESEARCH SHOWS
CUSTOMERS BECOME FATIGUED

AND THEY BUY LESS.

IN ORDER
TO GAUGE JUCIANO'S COOKING,

CHEF CAPON WATCHES HIM PREPARE
A SIGNATURE PIRATZ DISH.

Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

- [coughing]

- I'M NOT EATING ANY MORE
OF THAT!

- COME ON, MAN.
COME ON.

- YOU EAT IT!

- [spits]
OH, GOD.

- A LITTLE SPICY, HUH?
- YEP.

- OKAY.

SO, CHEF, I WANT TRACY
TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY
ACTUALLY SERVE SOMETHING

THAT THEY DON'T TASTE
THEMSELVES.

YOU TASTE EVERYTHING.
YOU TASTE EVERYTHING.

I'M TRYING TO BE NICE,
I'M TRYING TO BE RESPECTFUL,

BECAUSE HE'S YOUR HUSBAND.

IF HE WASN'T YOUR HUSBAND,
I WOULD HAVE LET HIM GO.

ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU GO OUT
TO EAT AT A RESTAURANT FOR,

WHY THE FOOD TASTES SO GOOD,

ARE NOT TAKING PLACE
IN THIS KITCHEN.

- THE KITCHEN
ISN'T THE ONLY PART

OF PIRATZ THAT'S STRUGGLING.

THE BAR STAFF
IS DROWNING AS WELL.

SO JON CALLS IN
THE BEST OF THE BEST.

ELAYNE DUKE IS
THE HEAD MIXOLOGIST FOR DIAGEO--

THE WORLD'S LEADING
PREMIUM DRINKS BUSINESS.

SHE KNOWS HOW TO PUT
A SPIN ON CLASSIC COCKTAILS

THAT WILL ATTRACT
THE REPEAT CROWD PIRATZ NEEDS.

BEFORE ELAYNE CAN START
BREATHING NEW LIFE INTO PIRATZ,

SHE MEETS WITH THE BARTENDERS
TO GET AN IDEA

OF HOW THEY WORK
ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS.

- FIRST THING, GINGER BEER.

- OKAY.

- AND THEN IT'S ALL THE RUM.

- WOW.

SO, BY MY CALCULATION,
IT'S 3/4 IN.

SO IT'S ABOUT--
OH, AND THERE'S MORE.

- OH, THERE'S MORE.

- THE GROG--

IT'S JUST DIABETIC SHOCK
AND BOOZE.

ALL THE DRINKS ARE THE SAME.

THEY'RE STRONG AND SWEET.

SUGAR UPON SUGAR UPON SUGAR.

AND CHEAP BOOZE.

THERE'S NO WAY PEOPLE ARE
DRINKING A SECOND ONE OF THAT.

AND IF THEY ARE,
THEY'RE NOT FEELING WELL.

- NOW THAT JON'S EXPERTS HAVE
SPENT SOME TIME ON THE INSIDE,

JON PULLS THE TEAM TOGETHER
TO DISCUSS THEIR FINDINGS

AND FIGURE OUT A GAME PLAN.

- YOU GUYS NOW KNOW WHY
I CALLED YOU.

- I'M SPEECHLESS.

AND THAT'S NOT OFTEN THAT
I CAN SAY THAT I'M SPEECHLESS.

- WHAT DO WE DO, BUDDY?
HOW DO YOU FIX IT?

- WITH JUCIANO, WE GOTTA
TEACH HIM HOW TO COOK.

HE'S NEVER BEEN TAUGHT
HOW TO COOK.

- SO WHAT DO WE DO?
BRING SOMEBODY IN?

- I MEAN, I THINK SO.
- YEP. ELAYNE?

- UH, WE HAVE
TO START FROM SCRATCH.

- IT'S REMARKABLE!

FROM THE HUMAN INTERACTION
TO THE PRODUCT,

TO WHAT THEY DO,
HOW THEY DO IT,

THIS PLACE IS A JOKE.

AS TRACY AND HER STAFF
PLAY PIRATE,

THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE THEY'RE
SITTING ON A TREASURE CHEST.

THERE'S 15,000 WORKERS

WITHIN A COUPLE OF BLOCKS
OF THIS BAR,

AND THEY'RE ALL LOOKING
FOR A PLACE TO GO

FOR LUNCH AND HAPPY HOUR.

BUT, CANDIDLY, THEY DON'T WANT
TO EAT WITH PIRATES.

- NEXT, JON LAYS OUT HIS PLAN
TO TRACY.

SHE HAS TO MARKET
TO HER BACKYARD.

THE FUTURE OF THIS BAR
LIES WITHIN A FEW BLOCKS OF IT.

WHEN I LOOK AT PIRATZ--

THEN I GOT
A CORPORATE HIGH-RISE,

A CORPORATE HIGH-RISE,
A CORPORATE HIGH-RISE,

A CORPORATE HIGH-RISE.

AND I ADD UP THE AMOUNT
OF OFFICE WORKERS THAT ARE HERE

FROM 9:00 TO 5:00--

THIS MARKET IS NOT SATURATED.

LUNCH IS WORTH $1/2 MILLION
TO YOU.

HAPPY HOUR IS WORTH $300,000
TO YOU.

DOES IT MAKE SENSE?
- IT DOES.

- SIT WITH ME FOR A MINUTE.

WE HAVE TO WIN THIS WAR.

AND WE'RE NOT GONNA WIN
THIS WAR AS A PIRATE BAR.

- I DON'T BELIEVE IN THROWING
THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER.

I THINK THERE ARE CHANGES
THAT CAN BE MADE.

I DON'T THINK THAT THE ESSENCE
NEEDS TO BE SACRIFICED FOR THAT.

- IF WE WERE
IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA,

WE COULD TALK ABOUT
A FAMILY ATTRACTION.

THERE'S NO PIRATES HERE.

- SO COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY
CHANGING EVERY ASPECT OF THIS

THAT HAS SURVIVED
FOR FIVE YEARS.

- YES.

YOU'RE LIVING IN THE BASEMENT
OF YOUR PARENTS' HOUSE

WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.

WHEN DO YOU SAY TO YOURSELF
"THIS IS MY ENEMY"?

- IT'S NOT MY ENEMY.
- $1 MILLION.

- IT'S NOT MY ENEMY.

SO PIRATZ TAVERN BECOMES
YET ANOTHER CASUALTY

WHERE THE SOUL HAS BEEN REMOVED
BECAUSE IT'S NOT WORKABLE.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT
THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- THE SOUL OF HERE.

- BUSINESSES DON'T HAVE SOULS!

BUSINESSES ARE PROFIT CENTERS.

- SO IT BECOMES A MARTINI BAR.

- WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET IT
IN YOUR HEAD--

PIRATZ ISN'T WORKING!

- YOU'RE ASKING ME
TO THROW AWAY EVERYTHING

THAT'S IN HERE.
- DO YOU WANT TO BE A PIRATE,

OR DO YOU WANT TO SEND
YOUR DAUGHTER TO COLLEGE?

- YOU WILL FAIL
WITH PIRATZ.

DO YOU WANT TO BE A PIRATE

OR DO YOU WANT TO SEND
YOUR DAUGHTER TO COLLEGE?

- WHEN I STARTED
THIS BUSINESS,

I SAID I WAS
DIVING OFF A CLIFF

WITH THE HOPES
THAT I WOULD GROW WINGS

BEFORE HITTING THE BOTTOM.

- IF ANYTHING FLEW
FROM THE SKIES,

OUT OF NOWHERE,
TO HELP YOU, IT'S ME.

IF YOU DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THIS,

YOU'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF.

- BE MY WINGS.

- CONFRONTED WITH
THE SHARP STING OF REALITY,

TRACY CONCEDES
PIRATZ HAS TO CHANGE.

SHE AND JON MUST NOW
BREAK THE NEWS

TO THE REST OF THE BAND
OF PIRATES.

- THE REALITY
OF THE SITUATION IS

WE'RE NOT ATTRACTING THE BULK
OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE.

AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE
ALL OF YOU LOOK LIKE THIS

RIGHT NOW.

WE HAVE TO PUSH MORE TOWARDS
A CORPORATE ATMOSPHERE

AND LESS TOWARDS
A PIRATE ATMOSPHERE.

- NOT LESS.
PIRATZ IS DEAD.

- I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO
PLAY PIRATE SOMEWHERE ELSE.

- GUYS, WE GOTTA FILL
THIS BAR FOR LUNCH,

I GOTTA FILL IT FOR HAPPY HOUR,
OR WE'RE DEAD.

- I THINK
I'LL RESERVE MY JUDGMENT

TO SEE HOW WELL YOU DO
EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAY.

- NOW IS THAT THE KIND
OF ATTITUDE

THAT IS GONNA MAKE US
SUCCESSFUL, GUYS?

IF YOU DON'T LIKE
WHAT I'M DOING, SO BE IT.

'CAUSE I'M NOT HERE
TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU.

YOU GOT TO PROVE YOURSELF
TO ME.

ARE YOU HERE TOMORROW OR NOT?

- MAYBE I'M NOT.
- GREAT. GOOD NIGHT.

YOU'RE WALKING OUT
ON YOUR FAMILY,

BECAUSE YOU'D RATHER BE
A PIRATE.

- I'M WALKING OUT BECAUSE I'VE
GOT A DICKHEAD YELLING AT ME.

WELL, SOMEBODY
HAS TO CRACK THROUGH,

BECAUSE YOUR ATTITUDE,
MR. PIRATE, DOESN'T WORK.

SO ARE YOU GONNA BE
A PART OF THIS,

OR AM I GONNA RUN YOU OVER?

THAT'S THE DEAL.

- I AM DONE WITH THIS.

I AM NOT GOING TO BE BERATED
BY SOME OVERBEARING [bleep].

- I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM
RUIN IT FOR YOU.

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM
RUIN IT FOR YOU,

AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET HIM
RUIN IT FOR YOU!

- I'M NOT GONNA PUT UP--

LOOK, JUST TAKE THIS [bleep]--

GET THAT [bleep] CAMERA
OUT OF MY FACE.

I'M DONE.

- I KNOW THIS IS
A SHOCK FOR YOU.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.

WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT

IS FOR A GUY LIKE ME
TO GET A JOB

ANYWHERE ELSE, DOING
ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.

I HAVE TRIED.

AND I HAVE GIVEN UP DIFFERENT
JOBS TO COME BACK TO THIS,

'CAUSE THIS
IS WHAT I BELIEVE IN.

THIS IS THE DREAM
I STROVE FOR.

THIS IS THE THING
I'VE SACRIFICED FOR,

DAY IN AND DAY OUT,
AND BLED FOR.

- I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU.

I WANT YOU TO HEAR
WHAT I'M SAYING.

YOU'VE GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY.

THERE IS A PLACE FOR YOU HERE.

DO YOU HEAR ME?

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- PROMISE?
- YES.

LET'S BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS.

- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE
WHAT THIS IS GOING...

MORPH INTO.
- ALL RIGHT.

GUYS, SOMETIMES CHANGE
IS VERY COOL, ISN'T IT?

LET'S COME IN TOMORROW MORNING
AS CIVILIANS, NOT PIRATES.

LET'S GO TO WORK.

GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- THE DEATH OF A DREAM
IS ALWAYS HARD TO DO.

THE BIRTH OF ANOTHER ONE
IS ALWAYS HARD TO TAKE.

- THE NEXT DAY,
THE STAFF ARRIVES

TO DISCOVER JON HAS
ALREADY BEGUN THE PROCESS

OF REMOVING THE PIRATE THEME.

- I'M TRUSTING JON
TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING

THAT WE CAN ALL FEEL
JUST AS GOOD ABOUT.

- I HOPE IT WORKS.

- AND WITH THE SOFT OPENING
JUST HOURS AWAY,

JON AND HIS EXPERTS HAVE
THEIR WORK CUT OUT FOR THEM.

- TONIGHT IS OUR SOFT OPENING.

SO TODAY MY EXPERTS
ARE GOING TO BE WORKING

WITH THE BARTENDING STAFF
AND THE KITCHEN STAFF.

SO THAT WHEN TONIGHT HAPPENS,
HOPEFULLY WE SURVIVE IT.

- I GOT SOME NICE--
LOOK AT THIS. FRESH.

FRESH CILANTRO,
FRESH TOMATOES.

- DUE TO JUCIANO'S LACK
OF ANY FORMAL TRAINING,

JON HAS BROUGHT IN JASON,
A NEW LINE COOK

STRAIGHT OUT OF CULINARY SCHOOL
TO HELP SUPPORT HIM.

- WELCOME TO THE CHAOS.

- GLAD TO BE HERE.

- AND TOGETHER WITH CHEF CAPON,
THEY BEGIN

WORKING ON A NEW MENU.
- CHOP IT UP.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE A LITTLE TOMATO
SAUCE FOR THE MEATBALLS, RIGHT?

THE GOAL HERE
IS TO CREATE A PLACE

WHERE THE BUSINESS COMMUNITY
CAN NETWORK

FOR LUNCH AND AFTER WORK.
SO I'VE CREATED A SIMPLE MENU

WITH SMALL PLATES
WHERE EVERYTHING CAN BE SHARED.

- WHAT'S THIS?
I SMELL SWEET SHRIMP.

DO YOU THINK THIS IS LOBSTER?

WHAT IS THIS?

OKAY, YOU WANT TO BE A CHEF
OR YOU WANT TO PLAY GAMES?

IT'S SHRIMP, RIGHT?

I THINK THIS SOFT OPENING'S
GONNA BE A LITTLE TOUGH.

JUCIANO, ARE YOU WORKING?
LET'S GO.

TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST,

I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW THIS PLACE HAS BEEN DOING

WHATEVER THEY'VE BEEN DOING.

I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THEY'VE BEEN DOING,

BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY'VE
BEEN DOING ANYTHING AT ALL

WITH...

- IN THE BAR,

ELAYNE DUKE
WORKS WITH THE STAFF

TO TEACH THEM
SOME NEW SPECIALTY COCKTAILS.

- REMEMBER YESTERDAY
I KEPT TALKING ABOUT

SWEET ON TOP OF SWEET
ON TOP OF SWEET?

THERE WERE SO MANY BOOZES
ON TOP OF EACH OTHER

THAT THEY REALLY GOT LOST.

SO THE HOTTIE IS GONNA
BE USING DON JULIO TEQUILA.

IT IS CONSIDERED
THE SUPREME TEQUILA OF MEXICO.

THIS IS
FRESH WATERMELON JUICE.

THEN I'M GONNA DO ONE OUNCE
OF LEMON SOUR.

YOU NEED THAT BIT OF A CITRUS.
YOU NEED ACIDITY IN THERE.

IT'S GONNA MAKE
THE WATERMELON JUICE POP.

IT'S ACTUALLY GONNA MAKE IT
TASTE MORE LIKE WATERMELON.

- JON'S EXPERTS GO OVER THE NEW
FOOD AND DRINK MENUS

WITH THE STAFF.

- WE HAVE THE HOTTIE,

WHICH IS USING DON JULIO
AND FRESH WATERMELON JUICE

AND LEMON SOUR.

- SOME MEATBALLS WITH SOME
GRILLED BREAD AND SOME RICOTTA.

SO YOU TAKE THE BREAD,

YOU SMEAR ON THE RICOTTA,
YOU PUT IT ON THE MEATBALL,

AND YOU MAKE LIKE YOUR OWN
LITTLE MEATBALL-PARMESAN HERO.

- THE WEST END--

THIS IS KETEL ORANJE

WITH APEROL, GRAPEFRUIT JUICE
AND LEMON SOUR.

- WE'LL DO THE ARTICHOKE-SPINACH
DIP THAT EVERYBODY LOVES.

WARM ARTICHOKE-CRAB-SPINACH DIP.

AGAIN, EVERYTHING'S MEANT
TO SHARE.

- WE ALSO HAVE SOMETHING
QUITE UNIQUE.

WE'RE GONNA BE USING SOMETHING
CALLED GLACE ICE.

- REGULAR MELTED ICE
BECOMES 25% OF A DRINK

IN LESS THAN 15 MINUTES,

ADDING THE 150 IMPURITIES
FOUND IN TAP WATER

DIRECTLY INTO A COCKTAIL.

LARGER SPHERICAL ICE
HAS SMALLER SURFACE AREA

IN PROPORTION TO ITS VOLUME,
MAKING IT MELT SLOWER

AND PRESERVING THE FLAVOR
OF THE BEVERAGE.

- USUALLY WATERED DOWN, PEOPLE
TAKE A LONGER TIME TO DRINK

'CAUSE IT DOESN'T TASTE
AS GOOD.

SO ALL THE BENEFITS
TO THE HOUSE.

- BUT FOOD AND BEVERAGES
ARE NOT THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS

AT PIRATZ TAVERN.

TO HELP TEACH THE STAFF SERVICE
AND ATTENTIVENESS,

JON HAS BROUGHT IN
A THIRD EXPERT--

JESSIE BARNES.

JESSIE TRAINED SERVERS AND HOSTS
AT THE PARK AT FOURTEENTH,

A HIP UPSCALE RESTAURANT
IN NEARBY WASHINGTON, D.C.,

WHERE SHE SPECIALIZES
IN ETIQUETTE AND TIMING.

- JESSIE BARNES IS ONE
OF THE BEST SERVICE TRAINERS

IN AMERICA.
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME,

THEY'RE GONNA LEARN HOW
TO SERVE BUSINESS CLIENTELE

RATHER THAN PLAY PIRATE.

- WHEN YOU WALK IN A BAR,

FIRST IMPRESSIONS
ARE EVERYTHING.

SO, MIKE,
NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE MY SERVER.

- LADIES, GOOD EVENING.

WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE,
THIS NIGHT?

- MIKE, ARE YOU STILL A PIRATE?

OR ARE WE BACK TO NORMAL?

- FINE.

GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME,
LADIES.

WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE,
THIS EVENING?

- THEY'RE A MESS.

I MEAN, THIS IS--
THEY'RE INSANE.

IT'S A--THERE'S NOTHING
I CAN COMPARE IT TO.

LET'S DO IT
IN NORMAL PEOPLE VOICES

AND NOT IN PIRATE.

- YOU ASKED ME
TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

SO THE FIRST THING
I'M GONNA ASK ABOUT

IS "WHAT BRINGS YOU
THIS EVENING?"

- YEAH, I UNDERSTAND THAT.

BUT YOU'RE NO LONGER
IN A PIRATE BAR,

SO LET'S TALK
LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

- YOU KNOW--
- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

LIKE, THIS IS JUST ME.

- I THINK THAT THEY
HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT

THAT THEY ARE SCREWING
EVERYTHING UP,

BEFORE THEY CAN MOVE ON.

AND MAYBE TONIGHT WILL BE
A WAKE-UP CALL FOR THEM.

ACT LIKE THE PEOPLE YOU SEE
OUTSIDE OF THIS PLACE.

- I HATE THOSE PEOPLE. OKAY.

- THOSE PEOPLE
ARE GONNA MAKE YOU MONEY.

- FIVE MINUTES!

FIVE MINUTES!

- WITH THE SOFT OPEN
JUST MOMENTS AWAY

AND CUSTOMERS LINED UP OUTSIDE,

IT'S TIME TO SEE IF THIS CREW
OF PIRATES WILL SINK OR SWIM.

- COME ON IN, GUYS!

[cheering]

- WELL, I GOT 'EM OUT
OF PIRATE GEAR.

TONIGHT I'M GONNA PUT THIS STAFF
UNDER SOME SERIOUS STRESS,

AND WE'LL SEE WHAT THEY GOT.

- CAN YOU TAKE CARE
OF THESE PEOPLE BACK HERE

AND PUT THESE TWO AT A TWO-TOP?

- THE FLOOD OF CUSTOMERS
IMMEDIATELY PUTS PRESSURE

ON THE STAFF.
- THAT WAS YOUR DUTCH COLLINS.

YOU PUT SODA IN
BEFORE YOU SHOOK.

YEAH, YOU CANNOT DO THAT.

- GET THE MEATBALLS.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE CHICKEN
AND GIVE ME THE MEATBALLS NOW.

- YES, CAN I TAKE
A FOOD ORDER FOR YOU?

YES.

- OKAY, YES.
THEY'RE COMING.

- ARE YOU DONE TAKING ORDERS
AND PUTTING EVERYTHING--

I GOTTA FIGURE WHERE
EVERYTHING IS REAL QUICK.

SO GIVE ME TWO SECONDS,
PLEASE.

- GUYS, WE'RE CRASHING.
COME ON, WE GOT TO MOVE!

- WITH INATTENTIVE SERVICE
AND AN OVERWHELMED KITCHEN,

CUSTOMERS BEGIN WALKING OUT.

- WELL, WE'VE BEEN IN HERE
FOR 30 MINUTES,

AND SO WE GOT WATER,
BUT THAT WAS IT.

- CUSTOMERS ARE WAITING
TO BE SERVED.

THEY'RE WAITING FOR FOOD,
FOR DRINKS.

THEY'RE GETTING FRUSTRATED.

- ME TOO.

- BACK IN THE KITCHEN,

JUCIANO IS OBLIVIOUS TO ANY
OF THE RESTAURANT'S PROBLEMS.

- I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAVING
A GOOD TIME.

IT'S YOUR WIFE'S BUSINESS,
BUT YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

STOP [bleep] AROUND, AND
PICK UP A MEATBALLS, PLEASE.

- HUH?
- PICK UP A MEATBALLS, PLEASE.

JUCIANO--

DON'T ASK ME WHAT TIME
THE KITCHEN CLOSES!

IT'S YOUR RESTAURANT!

- I LEARNED TONIGHT THAT
JUCIANO CANNOT RUN THIS KITCHEN.

JUCIANO, IS THIS A PARTY TO YOU,
OR YOU WANT TO WORK?

WHEN HE SAYS DO SOMETHING,
YOU DO IT!

GET YOUR [bleep] TOGETHER!

- [bleep]

- WAIT.

COME--COME BACK.

[indistinct arguing]

- [bleep]

- JUCIANO!

CAN YOU PLEASE WAIT?

- LOOK, LET'S GIVE
JASON A CHANCE.

YOU'RE OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
LET'S SEE HOW IT WORKS.

- I THINK JASON
IS A VERY TALENTED CHEF,

AND HE KNOWS HE HAS A GREAT
OPPORTUNITY IN FRONT OF HIM.

- ALL RIGHT.

- IN JUCIANO'S ABSENCE,

JASON TAKES CONTROL
OF THE KITCHEN

AND TRIES TO MAKE A DENT
IN THE LARGE BACKLOG OF ORDERS.

- I THINK WITH ME LEADING
THE KITCHEN,

THINGS WILL BE A LOT BETTER.

COME ON,
LET'S SEE HOW IT WORKS, OKAY?

- IN TRACY'S ABSENCE
OUT IN THE DINING AREA,

THERE'S EVEN MORE PRESSURE
ON THE WAITSTAFF.

- JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE, PLEASE.

- WE'RE CRASHING BIG-TIME.
- I KNOW.

- EXCUSE ME.

OOP, OOP, OOP.

[screaming]
[glass shatters]

- [bleep]

- HOW ANGRY WOULD YOU BE
IF YOU WERE THEM, RIGHT NOW?

- VERY ANGRY.
- VERY ANGRY.

- ARE YOU LOSING IT?
- I-I AM.

- YOU CAN'T LOSE IT, MAN.

- THE STAFF IS FAILING
ON ALL FRONTS.

JON CALLS THE EXPERTS TOGETHER
TO FORMULATE A PLAN.

- GUYS, WE GOT A DISASTER
ON OUR HANDS HERE.

WE'RE CRASHING.
- HATE TO SAY IT--

IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF,

AND YOU CAN'T RUN
A BUSINESS THAT WAY.

- THEY'VE NEVER EXPEDITED THIS
FAST BEFORE IN THEIR LIVES.

THEY HAVE NO SENSE
OF EFFICIENCY.

- ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

LET'S GO TRY TO DIG 'EM OUT
AS BEST WE CAN.

- ALL RIGHT.

- LISTEN TO ME.

THIS IS A BUSINESS OF PRESSURE.
- YES.

- YOU DEAL WITH THE PRESSURE.
- I GOT THAT.

- YOU DON'T EMBRACE IT,
YOU JUST FRICKING DEAL WITH IT

AND KEEP GOING.

DON'T LOSE IT, MAN.
KEEP IT TOGETHER.

- SO WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS

WE'RE GONNA START DOING DRINKS
IN A ROW.

SO IT'S LIKE
"I NEED FOUR OF THESE,

FOUR OF THOSE,
FOUR OF THAT."

- ELAYNE REMINDS THE BARTENDERS
THE IMPORTANCE OF MULTITASKING--

MAKING MORE THAN ONE
SPECIFIC DRINK AT A TIME,

TO FULFILL
MULTIPLE ORDERS QUICKLY.

- THERE'S AN ORDER BACK THERE
FOR TABLE 252.

GET IT FOR ME ON THE FLY.
- OKAY.

- FOUR DRINKS, RIGHT?
- YEP.

- WHERE'S YOUR GLASS?

- IT LOOKED TO ME LIKE
OUR BARTENDERS WERE GONNA

CRASH AND BURN, BUT THEY STARTED
TO PULL IT TOGETHER.

THEY STARTED TO BUILD
CONFIDENCE.

- GOOD SHAKE, GOOD SHAKE.

GOOD JOB.

- LET'S GO.
GET THE FOOD OUT OF HERE!

JASON STEPPED UP
AND SAVED THAT KITCHEN.

- THIS FOOD IS REALLY FRESH
AND VERY GOOD.

IT TOOK A LITTLE WHILE
TO GET HERE,

BUT IT'S FABULOUS.

- I WAS HONORED
BY THE COMPLIMENTS

ON HOW GOOD
THE FOOD WAS TONIGHT.

- PEOPLE LIKE THIS FOOD.

THEY LIKE THE NEW DRINKS.

IF I CAN GET THE ORGANIZATION
IN THIS BAR

SO WE SERVE IT PROPERLY
AND GET CUSTOMERS HAPPY,

WE'LL BE SUCCESSFUL.

- AT THE END OF THE NIGHT,
TRACY RETURNS WITHOUT JUCIANO.

- THANK YOU.
I APOLOGIZE AGAIN.

THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE.

- AND THE STAFF CLOSES OUT.

- YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD.

I MEAN, IT WAS CRAZY IN HERE.

I THINK THERE'S A LOT
TO WORK ON TOGETHER.

- I SHOULD NOT HAVE
TREATED YOU LIKE THAT.

THAT WAS WRONG.

- YOU APOLOGIZED.
WE'RE READY TO MOVE FORWARD.

- I APPRECIATE THAT.

- WITH THE SOFT OPEN
BEHIND THEM,

JON GATHERS THE TROOPS
TO TALK ABOUT WHAT WENT WRONG.

- MY PURPOSE TONIGHT
WAS TO PACK THIS PLACE QUICKLY.

AND, GUYS,
WE'RE IN THE BAR BUSINESS.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THESE MOMENTS
JUST LIKE TONIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LEARNED?

EVEN WHEN YOU WERE IN DEEP,

IF YOU STAY FOCUSED
YOU CAN DIG YOURSELF OUT, RIGHT?

- YOU TOO, MIKE.

YOU STARTED TO DIG YOURSELF OUT
AFTER A WHILE, RIGHT?

- ONCE I FOUND THE RHYTHM.
- GOOD JOB.

MIKE CAN BE AN INSTRUMENT
OF CHANGE IN THIS BAR.

OTHER EMPLOYEES WILL FOLLOW,

AND HE COULD LEAD THEM
TO SUCCESS.

- JASON, YOU STEPPED IN
AND YOU FOUGHT FOR US.

GOOD JOB TONIGHT.
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- I WAS VERY, VERY IMPRESSED
WITH JASON.

AND HE REALLY GOT THE JOB DONE.
JUST SO YOU KNOW,

YOU HAVE A VERY TALENTED CHEF
IN THE KITCHEN.

- YEP.

- SO I GOT TO TALK
ABOUT JUCIANO FOR A MINUTE.

- HELLO.
- SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.

- HERE HE IS.

JUCIANO CAME BACK
AFTER OUR BIG FIGHT.

THAT DOESN'T TELL ME
THAT HE CAN RUN A KITCHEN.

BUT IT DOES TELL ME HE CARES.
WHAT HAPPENED?

- I THINK MAYBE BEING IN THERE
WITH A COUPLE OF PROFESSIONALS

MAYBE WAS A LITTLE
INTIMIDATING.

- SO WHAT IS HE GOING
TO BE DOING FOR THE RELAUNCH?

- I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO SEE.

- ONE AREA OF WEAKNESS
THAT WE NEED IS A RUNNER.

YOU KNOW, WE NEED SOMEBODY
RUNNING FOOD CONSTANTLY--

NOT WHEN SOMEBODY HAS TIME.

- YOU KNOW,
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

OKAY.
MY TEAM IS GONNA WALK IN HERE

AND RIP THIS PLACE APART.

AND WE ARE GONNA GO TO WORK
AND BUILD YOU A NEW BAR.

I WILL SEE YOU GUYS
IN ABOUT 36 HOURS.

MY EXPERTS REALLY CAME THROUGH
FOR ME TONIGHT,

AND I PUT 'EM
IN SOME DEEP WATER.

NOW THAT THE SOFT OPENING
IS OVER,

THE TRANSFORMATION BEGINS.

- AS SOON AS THE WEARY
PIRATZ STAFF HAS CLEARED OUT,

JON AND HIS CREW GET TO WORK.

- SO I WANTED TO SEE IF WE COULD
MOVE THE P.O.S. SYSTEM

FROM THIS SIDE
OVER HERE BY THE KITCHEN DOOR.

- I THINK IT WOULD BE MUCH
BETTER IN THAT RECESS

AND THEN YOUR PATH IS CLEAR.

- YEAH, STRAIGHT TABLES.

NANCY'S GOT 36 HOURS
TO FIX THIS BAR.

THE WALLS ARE A MESS.

SHE HAS TO REPLACE
THE ENTIRE FLOOR.

NANCY'S GOT HER WORK
CUT OUT FOR HER THIS TIME.

- MEANWHILE,
JON SENDS THE FORMER PIRATES

ON A MARKETING MISSION.
- MY NAME IS MIKE.

THIS IS POPPET.
- HELLO.

- WE'RE HERE PROMOTING
THE NEW GRAND REOPENING

OF THE BAR DOWN THE STREET.

- THIS IS A DOWNTOWN BAR.

AND WE HAVE
TO GET THE DOWNTOWN AUDIENCE

TO COME FOR LUNCH AND HAPPY HOUR
OR WE'RE NOT GONNA SUCCEED.

- THANKS A LOT.
- HAVE A GOOD DAY.

- 36 HOURS LATER,

JON IS READY TO REVEAL A NEW BAR

THAT CAN ATTRACT
AN UPSCALE WORKING CLIENTELE.

- BARS ARE NOT
ABOUT PERSONAL TASTE.

BARS ARE NOT PLAYGROUNDS.

THEY'RE BUSINESSES.

AND THEY HAVE TO BE BUILT
FOR THE MARKETPLACE.

I BELIEVE I CREATED A BAR THAT
WILL PACK FOR LUNCH EVERY DAY.

AND RATHER THAN PEOPLE
COMING TO A PIRATES BAR

THREE TIMES A YEAR,

I CAN GET 'EM HERE
THREE TIMES A WEEK.

YOU GUYS READY TO SEE IT?

- I AM.
- OKAY.

ON THE COUNT OF THREE.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE.

- OH, THAT'S JUST [bleep].

- I BELIEVE I CREATED A BAR THAT
WILL PACK FOR LUNCH EVERY DAY.

ON THE COUNT OF THREE,

I'M GONNA LET YOU TURN AROUND
AND SEE YOUR NEW BAR.

ONE...

TWO...

THREE.

- OH, THAT'S JUST [bleep].

- WHAT THE [bleep] IS THAT?

- FIRST OF ALL,
I WANTED TO MAKE CERTAIN

THAT ALL THE OFFICE BUILDINGS

AND THE CARS THAT DROVE BY
KNEW WE WERE NEW.

TWO, I HAD TO COMMUNICATE

THAT WE WERE
FOR THE BUSINESS COMMUNITY.

AND, THREE, I HAD TO COMMUNICATE
THAT WE WERE FOOD-FRIENDLY.

HENCE, THE WORD "TAVERN"
IS GONE.

THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS LOOK

IS TO GET THOSE BUSINESS PEOPLE
TO WALK THROUGH THIS FRONT DOOR.

- WOW.

- A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE?

- IT'S A BIG CHANGE, JON.

IT'S A REALLY BIG CHANGE
FOR ALL OF US.

- THE STAFF IS APPREHENSIVE,

BUT I FEEL GREAT
ABOUT THIS PLACE.

- I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

- THE PROBLEM IS
WILL TRACY EVER ACCEPT ANYTHING

THAT ISN'T PIRATE?

GO AHEAD, GUYS.
GO TAKE A LOOK.

[energetic rock music]

[laughter]

- OH, IT'S GONNA BE
SO MUCH EASIER TO CLEAN.

[laughter]

- LOOK, LOOK WHAT THEY DID
TO MY BAR.

- WOW.

- THAT'S SUPER UBER-CORPORATE.

- REMEMBER, JENN, WHEN YOU HAD
THOSE WET TICKETS ALL OVER,

AND THEY WERE DISINTEGRATING
AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN READ THEM?

ALL I DID WAS
PUT A SIMPLE CHECK RACK

RIGHT UP HERE BEHIND THE WALL.

SIMPLE--
SO THEY'RE NOT WET ANYMORE.

AND THEN WE HAVE OUR GLACE.

TRACE, I GOT YOU
A MONTH'S SUPPLY FOR FREE.

FROM LIBBEY,
WE GOT YOU ALL NEW GLASSWARE.

REALLY, REALLY NICE STUFF.

- OKAY, I WANT TO GO OUT
ON THE PATIO FOR A MINUTE.

[laughter]

- OH, MY GOD.

- GUYS, THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE THIS DOWNTOWN.

THINK HOW COOL IT IS
TO COME HERE FOR HAPPY HOUR.

EVERY SEAT IN THIS PLACE
IS WORTH $25,000

IN ANNUAL SALES.

THIS BAR WAS MISTARGETED.

THEY HAD NO LUNCH BUSINESS,

AND THEY'RE
IN A DOWNTOWN LOCATION.

I HAD TO CHANGE THAT.

THE 18-PAGE MENU IS OVER.

WE PUT TOGETHER A MENU
THAT YOU GUYS CAN DELIVER.

IT'S SIMPLE, IT'S ALL THE ITEMS
WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON,

SO THIS BECOMES A NICE LITTLE
REVENUE-PRODUCING AREA

FOR LUNCH AND FOR NIGHTTIME.

- THE OLD PIRATZ
HAD A LIFELESS FRONT ROOM

THAT WASN'T INVITING
TO PEOPLE WALKING BY.

TO ENGAGE NEW CUSTOMERS,
JON INTRODUCES

TWO NEW TECHNOLOGIES
NEAR THE ENTRANCE.

THE BIGGEST PROBLEM
I HAD, TRACE,

IS I HAD TO CREATE
ACTIVITY HERE

THAT, WHEN PEOPLE WALKED BY,
WOULD MAKE THIS AREA COOL.

THIS IS A PROTOTYPE OF
SOMETHING CALLED THE SMART BAR.

- THE FIRST IS THE SMART BAR,
AN AUTOMATED BAR

THAT CAN MAKE A PERFECT DRINK
IN LESS THAN TEN SECONDS.

- THIS IS A DRAFT TABLE SYSTEM
BY ELLICKSON.

- THE SECOND FEATURE IS
AN ELLICKSON DRAFT MASTER TABLE,

A SELF-SERVICE TAP

WHERE CUSTOMERS CAN POUR
THEIR OWN DRAFT BEER.

AFTER A SERVER
CHECKS I.D.,

CUSTOMERS CAN BE GIVEN
AN ACCESS KEY

THAT ALLOWS TWO BEERS
PER TRANSACTION.

- AND WHAT DOES THAT SAY WHEN
YOU WALK BY THE WINDOW, GUYS?

- WE GOT BEER.
- WE GOT BEER.

THIS IS A BAR.

IT'S ALL ABOUT PULLING THEM
THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR.

I AM REALLY HAPPY WITH THE WAY
THIS BAR TURNED OUT.

THE BRAND, THE BEVERAGES--

IT ALL CAME TOGETHER
REALLY WELL.

I HAVE NO DOUBT
THAT IT'LL BE SUCCESSFUL

IF IT'S RUN PROPERLY.

- MOMENTS AWAY
FROM THE RELAUNCH,

A LINE OF CUSTOMERS
ANXIOUSLY AWAIT

THEIR NEW HAPPY HOUR
HOT SPOT,

AND CORPORATE BAR & GRILL
IS WELCOMED INTO THE COMMUNITY

BY SILVER SPRINGS
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE.

- WELCOME TO THE BUSINESS
COMMUNITY.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- PUSH.

ALL RIGHT!
[cheering]

- I AM HONESTLY
VERY SKEPTICAL

AS TO WHETHER
THIS IS GONNA WORK OR NOT.

- THE HOTTIE?
SURE THING.

- I'LL TRY THE DUTCH COLLINS.
- DUTCH COLLINS, IT IS.

- ALL RIGHT.

I'M ACTUALLY REALLY,
REALLY LIKING THIS MACHINE.

IT MAKES PLEASING
CUSTOMERS REALLY SIMPLE,

AND THAT'S THE IMPORTANT
THING HERE.

MARGARITA.
THERE YOU GO.

- WHEN YOU CONSIDER
THAT THIS STAFF

WAS DRESSED IN PIRATE SUITS
FIVE DAYS AGO,

THE TRANSFORMATION'S
REMARKABLE.

- THEY'VE BEEN SO ON TOP
OF EVERYTHING.

I'M SO IMPRESSED.
I'M BLOWN AWAY.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE,

IT'S LIKE A LOUNGE
IN THIS PLACE.

YOU'RE TOO GOOD, GUYS!
YOU'RE TOO GOOD.

THE FOOD LOOKED BEAUTIFUL,
CAME OUT QUICK,

AND THE CUSTOMERS LOVED IT.

JUCIANO WAS RUNNING FOOD.

IT ALL CAME TOGETHER TONIGHT,
AND THE STAFF WORKED AS ONE.

AND AS A RESULT,

THE CUSTOMERS ARE STILL
THERE HAVING FUN.

- THIS IS DEFINITELY THE COOLEST
BAR IN SILVER SPRING.

- WHEN THE FOOD AND THE BAR

AND THE SERVERS
ALL WORK TOGETHER,

WE ALL MAKE MONEY.

I WILL ADOPT THAT.
I WILL INTERMINGLE THAT

WITH MY INNER PIRATE.

- ALTHOUGH MOST OF THE STAFF
HAS ADAPTED WELL TO THE NEW BAR,

THE MOST IMPORTANT EX-PIRATE
IS STRUGGLING WITH THE CHANGE.

- THESE CHANGES ARE NOT WHAT...
I'D WANTED.

TRACY'S ATTITUDE BEGINS
TRICKLING DOWN TO JUCIANO.

TRACE.

ARE YOU UNHAPPY?

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

LOOK AT THE FOOD PRICES
YOU DID TONIGHT.

DO YOU REALIZE THE SALES
PER GUEST

THAT YOU DID TONIGHT?
- I THINK WITH TIME.

IT'S GONNA TAKE US A LITTLE
WHILE TO SETTLE INTO IT.

- DON'T TELL ME
WHAT I WANT TO HEAR,

'CAUSE I WANT TO SEE YOU
BE SUCCESSFUL.

SO I'M GONNA FOLLOW UP WITH YOU
TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE.

- GREAT.
- OKAY? BUT KNOW HOW MUCH

I BELIEVE IN THIS
AND KNOW THAT I BELIEVE IN YOU.

IF TRACY EMBRACES IT,
SHE'LL MAKE A LOTTA MONEY.

IF SHE DOESN'T,
SHE'LL LOSE EVERYTHING.

- I'M GONNA SLEEP ON IT
FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

WHETHER IT BECOMES
A PIRATE BAR AGAIN...

WELL...I CAN DO
ANYTHING I WANT TO.