Ballmastrz 9009 (2018–2020): Season 2, Episode 7 - Defective Affection! Dodge the Wayward Strikes of Cupid's Calamitous Quiver! - full transcript
Gaz and Dee play matchmaker to an unlikely pair with dance-asterous results.
"Ballmastrz."
Yeah!
Ahh!
Whoa!
[ Whistles ]
Well, that'll do for today!
Good practice. Uh, good enough
practice, ding-dongs!
I'm sore in joints
I don't even have!
Need sleep.
Oh, I don't want to wake up
till I'm dead.
[ Sighs ]
Yo, Dee Dee!
You up for a meeting
of The Leptons
Liquor-Loving Ladies?
Count me in,
and make it a double!
Hey, Lulu!
Get in on this, burly girl!
[ Groans ]
What's her deal?
She never hangs,
just goes back to her quarters.
I sometimes worry
about Lulu.
Perhaps
I'm overstepping,
but do you think we should spy
on her, just to check in?
Did you say something?
I was putting on
these spy goggles
so we could go
spy on her.
♪♪
Hmm,
she doesn't seem sad.
Yeah, she's not.
Just her life is...
Yeah, something's not right
here.
Maybe Lulu
is just a homebody.
Nah, there's got to be a need
in that melon-sized heart
that's going unmet,
but what could it be?
Gaz, look!
[ Doorbell whirs,
toy squeaks ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Who'd have thunk?
Lulu and Bob
are totally
crushing on each other!
They must be too shy to take it
to the next level.
Poor, sweet things.
This is what our sorry
green giant needs
to finally
come into her own.
Dee Dee, we're sending Lulu
on a date!
Cutesy makeup!
A bold top.
And a fun
and flouncy skirt.
Now you're ready
to paint the town red
with the blood of all men
who would refuse you.
[ Laughs ]
Why are they using Lulu
as a dress-up doll?
And which one of them
will she kill first?
[ Groans ]
Nonsense!
You're ravishing.
Who knows? Bob might even show
some kind of emotion!
[ Grunts ]
Of course
he's interested.
Don't worry about Bob.
He'll be there.
[ Tone sounds ]
♪♪
[ Groans ]
♪♪
[ Groans ]
Don't worry,
we're here for you.
I'm your coach on the field
of sports and the field of love!
New order for him!
Establish dominance!
She's not training a dog, Gaz.
Lulu, ask permission first.
Be coy, and then have him
eat dinner off your bare ass!
You live to give, girl.
[ Grunts ]
We're not getting to her.
Let's split the diff
on our dining advice.
[ Sizzling ]
[ Grunts ]
Lulu, have him
gently feed you.
You're dainty
and a dom.
[ Grunts ]
[ Both gasp ]
Did you know
he could do that?
Honestly, I don't even know
his last name.
[ Feedback ]
Leto: Stay cool, Bob.
You think that's bad, you should
see Dee Dee with the munchies.
Screw this! He's ignoring
all our dating advice!
How dare you nose in
on date night?
And I eat like carnal beauty,
you toad!
Dee Dee, you said
I should unchain my heart
and express
my romantic side,
so I thought I'd help
get Bob laid.
Not what I meant!
[ Laughs ] Ah!
Oh!
Never seen Gaz bail
on a beatdown.
Look at them hold hands!
She ain't bailing on you.
She's hightailing it
with Dee Dee on a double date!
Oh, I didn't know
Dee Dee was seeing someone.
Let's get this sad boy
a beer.
Uh, some more
free love advice --
You snooze,
you lose, pal!
[ Laughs ]
All hail the green one!
It's a hotshot highlight!
Unless your head
has been up your butt,
you already know it's been a
spectacular season of shakeups!
Ulsa Guerin underdogs
The Leptons
surprised the Consortium,
winding their way
to the top of the leaderboard.
But a mysterious new contender
has caught our eye!
They're leaving a trail
of broken bones, broken dreams,
and showing no signs
of slowing down!
Hotshot highlight -- Bad Omen!
[ Crowd cheering ]
[ Laughing evilly ]
[ Pop! ]
[ Grunting ]
Aah!
[ Laughing manically ]
[ All scream ]
[ Laughing continues ]
♪♪
[ Gasps ]
Aah!
Aah!
[ Laughing continues ]
[ Cranking ]
Yeah!
Oh! Ohh!
Aah!
[ All whining ]
[ Howling ]
[ Whines ]
Blabber Ball:
If no one puts the kibosh
on Bad Omens' reign of terror,
they're destined to become
serious championship contenders!
Now back to your stupid movie,
morons!
Well, well, well,
look what the portal sucked in.
Ow!
I honestly wouldn't mind
if they got all hot and sloppy
in my car.
Especially since
we gave Lulu
every form of protection
we could think of,
then a few we made up
with various food wrappings
since we're not too sure
how their bits work.
[ Evil laughter ]
♪♪
Sorry, mutant.
Hope you got a good view
of my farts!
[ Farts, laughs ]
[ Both gasp ]
Nuh-uh!
It's time for a display
of power, Lulu!
Make Bob feel safe
but also kind of scared of you!
But be polite!
Kill them with kindness.
Make them cower
at your kindness!
Your infinite compassion
is a thing of blinding beauty!
♪♪
[ Grunts, smooches ]
[ Explosion ]
You think she scared Bob
too much?
[ Crowd screaming ]
I think our team's image
won't survive
another half-dozen
felony charges.
Lulu, time for
a set change.
[ Bubbling ]
The ultimate contingency
for an awkward foray
into fondling
the fun bits --
too dark to see,
too loud to hear,
too drunk to hate yourself.
Don't!
I'll have Lulu get a drink.
Order something simple.
You're low-maintenance.
Wine!
Cheap red wine!
[ Grunts ]
[ Sniffs, gags ]
Now show Bob your moves,
slow and elegant at first.
[ Bowling pins clatter ]
Gaz: Not like that!
Pick up the pace!
No, no, dance!
Twirl around!
More pizzazz!
But stay calm!
But be bold.
And cute.
And hot.
But chill.
Now get it! Ow!
But give it!
Owie!
Hachi machi! Will you get a load
of that dirty dancing?
Is that Gaz
and Dee Dee?
Aw, geez.
Nothing's stopping them now.
Just look at those
clamoring clams grind it out.
Watch your mouth
in front of Ace.
I don't want that nerd
waking up.
Ever has it been that love
knows not its own depth
until the hour
of separation.
[ Sniffles ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Crowd shouting angrily ]
Just be yourself and do
everything we say, you hear me?
[ Both gasp ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
What's she doing?
Whatever it is,
she's doing it
on her own!
She's doomed.
♪♪
Oh, that's something.
Shoosh.
Look at her go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ooh!
[ Body thuds ]
[ Slurping ]
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Are people into this?
Nah, she can't be nailing it
without us, can she?
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Lulu: [ Grunting ]
♪♪
[ Crowd screaming ]
[ Rumbling ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Geez,
can there be one week
that a Lepton
doesn't go to jail?
[ Glass shattering ]
Yeah!
What's the status?
Unclear. No romance
within eyeshot.
♪♪
[ Groans ]
[ Grunts ]
Oh, Lulu.
I'm so sorry.
If only Gaz and I
hadn't fought,
we could have prevented you
from making your own decisions.
Don't be afraid
to cry it out, sis.
[ Laughing ]
So, uh, undeniably hot,
right?
Oh, yeah.
I-I didn't think
I'd say it...
Firm yes.
...but, yes, 100%.
And I'm just glad
Dee Dee is happy,
if she survived that.
Does she look
heartbroken,
or does she always clench
every muscle at once?
Get down. It's Bob.
[ Grunts ]
[ Whistle! ]
He was just returning
her own flowers?
So they never had the hots
for each other to begin with?
It seems we were projecting
on them both.
Perhaps everyone manages their
own hearts in their own ways,
and maybe the most
we can do for Lulu
is simply
to be there for her
instead of telling her
what to do and how to do it.
I guess so, Deed.
I guess so.
Hey, you want to
spy on Bob now?
"F" yeah, girl!
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
[ Lulu Grunts ]
Chirp.
Yeah!
Ahh!
Whoa!
[ Whistles ]
Well, that'll do for today!
Good practice. Uh, good enough
practice, ding-dongs!
I'm sore in joints
I don't even have!
Need sleep.
Oh, I don't want to wake up
till I'm dead.
[ Sighs ]
Yo, Dee Dee!
You up for a meeting
of The Leptons
Liquor-Loving Ladies?
Count me in,
and make it a double!
Hey, Lulu!
Get in on this, burly girl!
[ Groans ]
What's her deal?
She never hangs,
just goes back to her quarters.
I sometimes worry
about Lulu.
Perhaps
I'm overstepping,
but do you think we should spy
on her, just to check in?
Did you say something?
I was putting on
these spy goggles
so we could go
spy on her.
♪♪
Hmm,
she doesn't seem sad.
Yeah, she's not.
Just her life is...
Yeah, something's not right
here.
Maybe Lulu
is just a homebody.
Nah, there's got to be a need
in that melon-sized heart
that's going unmet,
but what could it be?
Gaz, look!
[ Doorbell whirs,
toy squeaks ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Who'd have thunk?
Lulu and Bob
are totally
crushing on each other!
They must be too shy to take it
to the next level.
Poor, sweet things.
This is what our sorry
green giant needs
to finally
come into her own.
Dee Dee, we're sending Lulu
on a date!
Cutesy makeup!
A bold top.
And a fun
and flouncy skirt.
Now you're ready
to paint the town red
with the blood of all men
who would refuse you.
[ Laughs ]
Why are they using Lulu
as a dress-up doll?
And which one of them
will she kill first?
[ Groans ]
Nonsense!
You're ravishing.
Who knows? Bob might even show
some kind of emotion!
[ Grunts ]
Of course
he's interested.
Don't worry about Bob.
He'll be there.
[ Tone sounds ]
♪♪
[ Groans ]
♪♪
[ Groans ]
Don't worry,
we're here for you.
I'm your coach on the field
of sports and the field of love!
New order for him!
Establish dominance!
She's not training a dog, Gaz.
Lulu, ask permission first.
Be coy, and then have him
eat dinner off your bare ass!
You live to give, girl.
[ Grunts ]
We're not getting to her.
Let's split the diff
on our dining advice.
[ Sizzling ]
[ Grunts ]
Lulu, have him
gently feed you.
You're dainty
and a dom.
[ Grunts ]
[ Both gasp ]
Did you know
he could do that?
Honestly, I don't even know
his last name.
[ Feedback ]
Leto: Stay cool, Bob.
You think that's bad, you should
see Dee Dee with the munchies.
Screw this! He's ignoring
all our dating advice!
How dare you nose in
on date night?
And I eat like carnal beauty,
you toad!
Dee Dee, you said
I should unchain my heart
and express
my romantic side,
so I thought I'd help
get Bob laid.
Not what I meant!
[ Laughs ] Ah!
Oh!
Never seen Gaz bail
on a beatdown.
Look at them hold hands!
She ain't bailing on you.
She's hightailing it
with Dee Dee on a double date!
Oh, I didn't know
Dee Dee was seeing someone.
Let's get this sad boy
a beer.
Uh, some more
free love advice --
You snooze,
you lose, pal!
[ Laughs ]
All hail the green one!
It's a hotshot highlight!
Unless your head
has been up your butt,
you already know it's been a
spectacular season of shakeups!
Ulsa Guerin underdogs
The Leptons
surprised the Consortium,
winding their way
to the top of the leaderboard.
But a mysterious new contender
has caught our eye!
They're leaving a trail
of broken bones, broken dreams,
and showing no signs
of slowing down!
Hotshot highlight -- Bad Omen!
[ Crowd cheering ]
[ Laughing evilly ]
[ Pop! ]
[ Grunting ]
Aah!
[ Laughing manically ]
[ All scream ]
[ Laughing continues ]
♪♪
[ Gasps ]
Aah!
Aah!
[ Laughing continues ]
[ Cranking ]
Yeah!
Oh! Ohh!
Aah!
[ All whining ]
[ Howling ]
[ Whines ]
Blabber Ball:
If no one puts the kibosh
on Bad Omens' reign of terror,
they're destined to become
serious championship contenders!
Now back to your stupid movie,
morons!
Well, well, well,
look what the portal sucked in.
Ow!
I honestly wouldn't mind
if they got all hot and sloppy
in my car.
Especially since
we gave Lulu
every form of protection
we could think of,
then a few we made up
with various food wrappings
since we're not too sure
how their bits work.
[ Evil laughter ]
♪♪
Sorry, mutant.
Hope you got a good view
of my farts!
[ Farts, laughs ]
[ Both gasp ]
Nuh-uh!
It's time for a display
of power, Lulu!
Make Bob feel safe
but also kind of scared of you!
But be polite!
Kill them with kindness.
Make them cower
at your kindness!
Your infinite compassion
is a thing of blinding beauty!
♪♪
[ Grunts, smooches ]
[ Explosion ]
You think she scared Bob
too much?
[ Crowd screaming ]
I think our team's image
won't survive
another half-dozen
felony charges.
Lulu, time for
a set change.
[ Bubbling ]
The ultimate contingency
for an awkward foray
into fondling
the fun bits --
too dark to see,
too loud to hear,
too drunk to hate yourself.
Don't!
I'll have Lulu get a drink.
Order something simple.
You're low-maintenance.
Wine!
Cheap red wine!
[ Grunts ]
[ Sniffs, gags ]
Now show Bob your moves,
slow and elegant at first.
[ Bowling pins clatter ]
Gaz: Not like that!
Pick up the pace!
No, no, dance!
Twirl around!
More pizzazz!
But stay calm!
But be bold.
And cute.
And hot.
But chill.
Now get it! Ow!
But give it!
Owie!
Hachi machi! Will you get a load
of that dirty dancing?
Is that Gaz
and Dee Dee?
Aw, geez.
Nothing's stopping them now.
Just look at those
clamoring clams grind it out.
Watch your mouth
in front of Ace.
I don't want that nerd
waking up.
Ever has it been that love
knows not its own depth
until the hour
of separation.
[ Sniffles ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Crowd shouting angrily ]
Just be yourself and do
everything we say, you hear me?
[ Both gasp ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
What's she doing?
Whatever it is,
she's doing it
on her own!
She's doomed.
♪♪
Oh, that's something.
Shoosh.
Look at her go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ooh!
[ Body thuds ]
[ Slurping ]
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Are people into this?
Nah, she can't be nailing it
without us, can she?
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Lulu: [ Grunting ]
♪♪
[ Crowd screaming ]
[ Rumbling ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
Geez,
can there be one week
that a Lepton
doesn't go to jail?
[ Glass shattering ]
Yeah!
What's the status?
Unclear. No romance
within eyeshot.
♪♪
[ Groans ]
[ Grunts ]
Oh, Lulu.
I'm so sorry.
If only Gaz and I
hadn't fought,
we could have prevented you
from making your own decisions.
Don't be afraid
to cry it out, sis.
[ Laughing ]
So, uh, undeniably hot,
right?
Oh, yeah.
I-I didn't think
I'd say it...
Firm yes.
...but, yes, 100%.
And I'm just glad
Dee Dee is happy,
if she survived that.
Does she look
heartbroken,
or does she always clench
every muscle at once?
Get down. It's Bob.
[ Grunts ]
[ Whistle! ]
He was just returning
her own flowers?
So they never had the hots
for each other to begin with?
It seems we were projecting
on them both.
Perhaps everyone manages their
own hearts in their own ways,
and maybe the most
we can do for Lulu
is simply
to be there for her
instead of telling her
what to do and how to do it.
I guess so, Deed.
I guess so.
Hey, you want to
spy on Bob now?
"F" yeah, girl!
Crowd: [ Chanting ]
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go! Go!
[ Lulu Grunts ]
Chirp.