Ballers (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Million Bucks in a Bag - full transcript

Morning, Stewart.

- It's Spencer.
- Fun time last night.

You wanna join?

Uh...

I gotta...

Enjoy your shower. Good morning.

Good-bye, Stewart.

- Who the fuck are you?
- Who the fuck are you?

Get your ass up. Get
the fuck out of here.

Oh, hey, Strasmore. How you like 'em?

You strike me as an
over-easy kind of guy.



Not really hungry now, Jared.

Thank you. Good morning, buddy.

Most important meal of the day.

Gotta get your proteins in.

Wow, it was a big night for you, huh?

Five clients in the first round,

not to mention Travis going number six.

You had as much to do with that as me.

The kid tore it up in his
post-draft interviews.

Yeah, it seems like beer and Adderall
is the cure for his social anxiety.

So, where should I send his bonus check?

I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Your clients are only gonna
hang in there so long

when it comes to minding their loot.



Only so many hours in the day, Jason.

My crib has officially
turned into a flophouse

and I'd like to handle one
epic fucking task at a time.

That, my friend, is a
direct route to mediocrity.

So, where do you plan on hanging
this new shingle of yours?

Not here, that's for fucking sure.

I did not expect for
this to take this long.

We got a hot tub up top. You could fire up
the bubbles, have a soak while you wait.

I'm just having a little bit of trouble
finding the punchline in here.

That's because there's no joke.

Joe: Maybe it's one of those
hip, subversive alt comedy jokes

that doesn't sound like a joke.

Is it one of those? 'Cause
then it's hilarious.

- We agreed on a price.
- I like this price.

Well, I like hot wax
drizzled on my nipples.

Doesn't mean my wife's
gonna do that for me.

Well, I do know a pair of hot,
identical twins that will.

Okay, ahem, look,

we don't we, uh, give this some
room to breathe, you know?

Take some time to think about it?

Most deals weren't made in one day.

Yeah, let's push the pause button

until the big fella shows up.

He should be a part of this.

You know goddamn well

that Spencer is no longer with us.

Spencer died? I had no idea.

Yeah, it just came out of left field.

Well, it's unfortunate because
we are in the service business

and the best guy to
service that business

is, of course, Spencer Strasmore.

And I'm big enough to not
take that personally.

Well, you shouldn't. It's just that when
he goes, your clients are gonna panic

and they're either gonna
follow him or go elsewhere,

and they will take
their money with them.

Hence, my offer is what it is.

Hence, my answer is no.

Don't kid yourself, I will sell ASM

and I will get what I'm asking for.

Is that the, uh, hot wax
to nipples or the 15 mil?

- Both.
- Good luck with that.

Hey, give us the number of
those twins before you go.

Yo, Vernon, man, stay
on your tippy toes.

I am on my damn tippy toes.

Dallas assured me drafting
another guy at your position

does not lessen their love for you.

But their secondary sucks and
they still want two run stuffers?

They say there wasn't another shutdown
corner worth drafting at four.

You might as well create
another point of strength

to go along with the O line,
you know what I mean?

- Stupid.
- Yo, Vernon, man, yo, take a break.

Man, you've been in there about an hour.
My toes are pruning.

Plus Marinelli likes getting
pressure from the inside,

which means what?

More sacks, which means more Pro Bowls,

which means more money
next contract, capisce?

Here you go, buddy.

What's Spencer think of all of this?

He's got other things
on his mind right now.

He still trying to drum up
cash to start his own shop?

He had no problem floating us that
300 grand before I got my contract.

This is a way bigger buyout.

Damn.

I always thought Spencer
was rolling in it.

I mean, the car, the house, the clothes.

Shit, the shades alone cost about 800.

Guys, you know when he
lent you that 300K,

- thas everything he had.
- He went broke for me?

He went broke a while before that,

but he gambled his last
chips on you, yeah.

Ah!

Get ready to have your fucking
day made, my bald friend.

Let me guess, Anderson and Andre

committed double suicide
and left ASM to us.

- Is that it?
- That's close.

Anderson and I had a meeting
this morning with Andre.

Those assholes got nothing
better to do on a Saturday?

They tried to make a deal,
but Andre lowered his bid.

Claims dumping you devalued the company.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

I guess I'm worth a lot
more than I thought.

Yeah, and I'm worth less, exactly.

So, he's trying to take advantage

of the instability that he created?

Which makes him either an evil genius

or completely batshit crazy.

Seems like both of them
misplayed their hand.

- What was Andre's bid?
- 9.5.

Perfect time to go in and make an offer.

All right.

Anderson won't accept
less than 12, though.

That leaves us about five mil short.

Joe, sometimes it ain't
about what you got to give,

but rather how you give it.

Oh, okay.

I'll remember that the
next time I get laid.

Holy shit, you wanna wait that long?

You are on fire today!

Wow!

- What's up, Vernon?
- Can you swing by?

Yeah, I gotta make a quick stop at
Ricky's and I'll see you in a bit.

Cool. Tell that motherfucker
he need to find a home.

Hey, Julie, did you happen to grab my
linen shirts from the dry cleaners?

It's supposed to hit
98 in Georgia today.

I am so sorry, I was busy doing a
whole bunch of other important shit.

- You wanna get that?
- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, it's really, really impressive

that Seifert's sending me out solo.

There's a lot of teams
trying to sign this kid.

The guy was arrested selling weed

to an undercover cop in
a school zone twice.

But that's all right. Reel him in and
reward him with a bunch of money, honey.

Hey, some people actually
deserve a second chance.

Besides, undrafted free agents

make up almost half the roster.

You all right?

My sister is late again

and my double shift started 15
minutes ago, so, no, I'm not okay.

Maybe you should look
into getting some help.

The help that I need is you!

At least tell me that you got the tickets
to San Fran for the christening.

Ah.

You know, I forgot to ask about
my work schedule for next month.

You sure we can't just do it here?

No, I want her to be christened

in the same church that me and
my sister were christened in.

Come on, baby.

Too bad Alcatraz isn't open

or you can swing by there
and do some recruiting.

Is this an odd time for me to
say how proud I am of my son?

I'll have the rest of the
cash for you Monday.

No, no. A check will do, Rick.

Just want Anderson to know
we're balling, you know?

Shit, you boys are balling
like a motherfucker.

Rick, are those fucking gold
bars in the back of that safe?

We're only one computer virus

from the financial apocalypse, Joe.

Need that backup currency
when shit goes down.

Shit, put one of those
in the fucking bag.

You sure you're cool with this, Rick?

- Yeah, yeah, I am.
- Thank you.

You know, now might be a good time

to think about taking that $36
million offer from the Rams, huh?

I can't really get
excited about the Rams.

That transition to LA could be messy.

- Man, this motherfucker...
- What, Pops?

- What?
- What, you gonna say something?

- I ain't stepping in that trap.
- I'm asking you for your opinion.

Permission to speak freely.

Well, at the risk of
getting my ass kicked again,

I've been watching you
over the last two months

just flip-flop, back and forth.

Partially, it's my fault,

but I don't think cash is the answer.

The only way you're gonna
get that yellow jacket

is when you know who's
throwing you the ball.

Are you fucking crazy?

- See what happen when I speak?
- The Hall of Fame is way out of reach.

Joe: Rick, don't sell
yourself short, man.

You got at least three
good seasons left in you.

What you think, Spence?

Well, I think you already
got four 100-catch seasons.

No one's ever had seven.
That could be you.

You win a championship, you got a right
to be in that Canton conversation.

- You really think so?
- Don't say you ain't dreamt of having

that beautiful beard in bronze.

Yeah, but I don't wanna
get ahead of myself.

Shit, well, you do it
with everything else.

Oh, says the guy sitting next
to the huge bag of cash.

Thank you.

Look, the Hall of Fame
could be your legacy, son.

But the only way you're gonna get there

is by playing with the best
quarterback in the league.

And he sure as shit ain't gonna
be with the motherfucking Rams.

Jason's gonna love getting
this fucking call.

Sh...

Time.

- It's been way past five seconds, bro.
- You count too fast.

Now it's five seconds.

Don't try to speed up the count 'cause
you're worried I'm overdoing myself.

- Come on, Reg. Oh, fuck.
- Aw, it's okay, I got it.

Oh, man. You thinking about
a career change, Vern?

- Thanks for coming by, man.
- Sure.

Hey, Reg, he got something
for you, though.

Oh, yeah. We heard you're
looking for capital.

Jason tell you that?

Man, he said you lent us every
dime you had last year.

It was an investment.

And so is this.

Vernon: My contribution to the cause.

- $1 million.
- Wow.

- I can't take this, no.
- Don't look at it as a loan, man.

It's... it's payback for all
the work you've done for us

and all the shit we
done put you through.

Me, for... for instance.

Hey, it's incredibly generous.

But, no.

- I can't do it. Here.
- Our money no good?

No, you're money's too good, okay?

Which why I would never
wanna put it in jeopardy.

And, plus, it's not nearly enough, so...

Okay, man, so how much you want, then?

I mean, name the amount.

I can't do it. I appreciate the thought.

Thank you both very much, but the
donation booth is officially closed.

- You did a paper on the Carlisle?
- Yeah.

First federally funded
Indian boarding school.

Whitey wanted to
Americanize the Indians,

so they taught them football.

Pop Warner was their coach, right?

You know your history.

Pop turned them into the best
team in the country by 1907.

They invented the forward
pass and trick plays.

Okay, so you're smart in addition
to being a damn good tackle.

Not good enough to get drafted.

Well, your off-the-field behavior

wrecked your senior season.

Slinging weed's the fastest way

to make a dollar where I'm from.

The school makes millions
off of merch and TV deals,

and I'm eating ramen fucking
noodles twice a day?

I did what I had to to get by.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

I go to meetings now.

I got a sponsor, I got
better people around me.

Good, 'cause I didn't come out here
to bring on another camp body.

You come down to Miami, I make
sure that you're on the 53.

We got a first-class support
system to keep you focused,

namely me.

Look, we only got 15 grand
to offer as a signing bonus.

But the real money comes
after you make the team.

Right now, you gotta decide
if a couple more Gs up front

is worth more than finding the right
place to begin your professional career.

A place that won't have you
falling back into old habits.

Now, come on, I'll buy
you some ramen noodles.

Hey, Spencer.

Wow, this place got really
Caucasian really fast.

- The prodigal son returns.
- In the flesh.

I thought I gave security
the shoot-to-kill order.

Hey, Leonard drops a deuce at
exactly this time every day.

You can literally set your watch to it.

I did set my watch to it.
That's how I got up here.

I'd like to buy the company, Mr.
Anderson.

- Would you?
- Very much.

What could have possibly
given you the idea

that I was taking new offers?

Oh, I see, fuck me for doing my job

and creating a bidding
war that gets you paid.

That is a million dollars in a bag.

Mr. Anderson, you asked us
to build this division,

and that's exactly what we did.

But in the process, we
created a family here.

You got a group of people who love
to come to work every morning

and who are driven to continue
building this entire firm.

Sure, we hit a few bumps along the way,

but we got something special
here and you know it.

Would you rather sell to the
guy who's trying to play you

or the guy who used to play for you?

You know what, I can't tell
the difference anymore

and I think you're overstating
my attachment to this company.

No, he's not. You love the action.

You love the way we look after our guys.

It's the reason why you supported us

while we were trying to find our feet.

Mr. Anderson, take that
million dollars in cash

as a non-refundable down payment

and give me the opportunity
to bring you the rest.

I'm not giving you former
employee discounts.

I don't expect one. I just
want to be in the game.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

You go out and you rob a
few more Brink's trucks,

you bring me the full asking price,

we can sit down and talk
about making a deal.

And on your way out, please
tell Leonard he's fired.

So, back to the second quarter.

If I were you, I wouldn't
say a word for a while.

And I didn't even have to
use the full 20 grand.

Nicely done.

Yeah. Anthony's a good kid.

Getting his degree in history.

I think he's got a real
shot to make the team.

We'll see. Be careful about
getting too attached.

- What's with the scratching?
- I think I got an allergy.

Feels like I got
attacked by mosquitoes.

You got hives.

- Hives? No.
- Welcome to the front office.

It could be this new
detergent we started using.

Something going on at home?

No, we just wanted something
easier on the environment.

I'm not talking about
your laundry, Charles.

Balancing a new job with a new
baby, that's a big adjustment.

I guess Julie has been a bit
more hot-tempered than usual.

Didn't think I'd be working this much.

That's why I'm twice divorced.

Look at this calendar.

You pick any day out the year,

I can tell you exactly what
I'm doing, up to the hour.

There are plenty of surprises
in this job, Charles,

but this motherfucker
is not one of them.

Now, go be nice to your wife
and load up on antihistamines.

And don't scratch that. It's
only gonna make it worse.

Man on radio: At this point you'd
hope the general managers...

Hello?

Spencer, it's Kelly Robbins.

Oh, hey, Kelly.

How are you feeling?

Oh, I don't have much
time to think about it.

You left in pretty rough shape
and it's only getting worse.

Has your bruise diminished at all?

It's still smaller than a cantaloupe.

I'm concerned about blood clots
and further joint deterioration.

When are you coming to see me?

Hey, Doc, I just lost
my girl, I got fired,

and I got a raving lunatic who's
trying to sabotage my career,

so coming in for surgery doesn't
really gel with my calendar right now.

So, is it gonna take a pulmonary
embolism to get you in here?

Believe me, if
I was gonna drop dead,

it would have happened long ago, Doc.

That's the bane of my
existence on the other line.

At least let my office
schedule the surgery,

and I'll let you know when to get here.

Absolutely, let's go ahead and
schedule it for my 65th birthday,

which is about the time I
should need the surgery.

Doc, listen. I really appreciate
you checking in, okay?

You have a good day, Kelly.

What do you want?

Is this an inconvenient time?

I can call back later.

Or you could lose my number.

I never lose things I value.

Listen, I know you're suspicious, but...

you're gonna want to
hear what I have to say.

It will only take a couple minutes.

Who do you like the most?

Cam Newton, Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady?

That's a tough call.

All of them are at the top of
their game, that's for sure.

But Cam is blowing up, man. League MVP.

He's changing the way the
position's being played.

He's great at scrambling,

which meshes with your ability to
improvise and create big plays.

Improvising is what I seem to do.

Used to do it with Aaron.

You know he put the whole
team on his back this season,

but he was short on targets.

Yeah, well improvising is
what you got shipped out.

But going back to Green
Bay would give you a shot

at proving them front office
fucks they made a mistake

for ever letting you
go in the first place.

Redemption is a beautiful thing.

And he throws a hell of a Hail Mary.

But Tom Brady don't need no prayers.

He better than ever at 38,

and he will push you harder
than you ever been pushed.

I could use that.

Lack of motivation is what kept
me from being a top receiver.

Yeah, but you got a ring, Pops!

But that team, they were so
interested in self-promoting,

they were never gunning for a dynasty.

That's where I learned to put
myself before everybody else.

Hmm, right.

One of the "finer qualities"
I caught from you.

Hey, man,

I watched you change right
before my very eyes.

I want to thank you for
staying immature long enough

for me to come back and witness it.

And I want to thank you
for fucking me up so bad,

I stayed a child until I was 30.

Sounds like you leaning
towards New England, though.

Wherever you wind up, I'ma
be right there with you.

And that should probably be New England.

- Huh.
- Watch this, young blood.

Gonna come back on that 2.

Pride, gone. Look at that.

- Right through there.
- Oh, man!

Thanks for coming.

Yeah, I know, looks like someone's

taken advantage of our misfortune.

Surprised it's taken them this long.

This location is perfect for condos.

Location is important, but timing...

timing is everything.

That's where you and I went wrong.

Where you went wrong was letting me roll

a $6 million pair of dice.

You're not seriously continuing to
blame me for your recklessness?

Absolutely. I made that perfectly
clear when I fucking fired you.

- And that still hurts.
- Come on.

Fuck. Spare
me the bullshit tears.

Listen, in every business
deal there is risk.

Let's not forget that I advised
you to invest $600,000,

not $6 million into this deal.

And if that deal would have panned out,

you would have made
very good money, okay?

And if it failed, which it did,

you still would have had over $5 million

to put into another opportunity.

But only a crazy man puts all of
his money into one single deal!

Yes, and only an asshole would let him.

Even I didn't have the power
to stop you back then.

I mean, you wouldn't even
listen to your coach.

You were gonna listen to me?

You knew I had a player's
mentality back then

and you also knew, Andre,
if everything went south,

like this whole fucking deal went
south, I wasn't gonna back out.

That's not how I thought back then.

No, I was gonna dig in
even fucking deeper.

Did I tell you to bring all those people

into the deal, including your friends?

Sometimes in life you just
have to let things bottom out,

and then you start anew.
Look at you know.

That's why I think it's important for
me and you to work together again.

Now, Miami Wealth does
not need your services,

but ASM does, and I'm
gonna buy that company.

And I want to put you in charge,

and you can retain Joe and your staff,

and I'm gonna kick you all
of my football clients.

But more importantly,

I'm gonna get you that
blessing from the NFLPA.

I'll pass.

Come on, Spence.

You can't let your pride derail you

of making the right decision again.

I can't get you anything you want.

I can get it myself.

I don't need you to get it for me.

How you gonna hunt down $15 million?

None of your goddamn business
where I'm gonna get it from.

I'll get it.

Tell me you're not gonna
get it from your clients.

Spence, that is the reason why
me and you are in this mess.

Please, do anything but that.

I'm not like you.

You're exactly like me.

Not like you.

Ladybug? Are you a ladybug?

- My little lady...
- Hey, girls!

- Daddy's home!
- Hey, Daddy!

Oh, look at that!

Who's this?

Oh, this is Manny, the new nanny.

You told me to get some help, so I did.

Charles, nice to meet you.

I was just getting to know Kiki.

- Mm-hmm.
- She's so cute.

- She is so cute.
- Too cute.

Julie, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure. Could you excuse us, Manny?

Of course, of course. Take your time.

Meet Manny, baby!

- Who the fuck is that?
- Lower your voice.

You hired this dude without
even talking to me?

He has a ton of experience and was
highly recommended by the hospital.

And when did you want
me to run it by you?

- I was gone one night.
- You know what?

I checked the ticket prices
and they skyrocketed!

Oh! I...

You know, I'm not gonna
make it to San Francisco.

- What?
- Siefert said they overlap...

Siefert said? You know what? Fine.

We'll go without you.

You're going with him?

Aw, look at the little babe.

- She's adorable.
- Oh, my "widdle-widdle."

Aw, you know, Manny,
she really likes you.

Manny: She does, she does.

Julie: Yeah, you like Manny, baby?

- He's a keeper.
- He's a keeper.

I'm calling PETA.

This shit is nasty.

Don't blame Little Plug for human error.

A human didn't create this
mess I just cleaned up.

It's okay, Little Plug.

He didn't mean it. Good boy!

It's okay.

Reggie, he gonna clean
that stuff up, but not me.

Look who's back.

Um, did you happen to leave
a bag of carrots by the TV?

Why would I come over here
with a bag of carrots?

Just process of elimination.

Hey, yo, Vern, man, Spencer's here.

Did he bring the carrots over before?

Nah, he clean. Had to be Nate big ass.

- He on a diet.
- Yeah, that's true.

Plug ate a bag of carrots and
threw up all over the damn couch.

Here you go.

So, uh, what's up?

Well, the donation booth
has just reopened,

so I'm gonna need you
to grab that checkbook.

- All good, man.
- Okay, I got it.

I need you to know it's a risk.

Only way to reap the reward, right?

Hey, I'm serious, Vernon. It's not a
sure thing you're gonna play again.

- Come on, Spence.
- I believe you will.

It's just not a sure thing, all right?

I'm gonna do everything
I can to pay you back.

I just can't guarantee it.

And I need you to be clear on that.

Might not play again,
might see my money back.

Look, I hear you. It's all good.

- All good.
- How much you want?

$5 million.