Bad Move (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Local Hero - full transcript

# Ba ba-ba ba-ba
Ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba

# When the world
In which you're living

# Gets a bit too much to bear

# And you need someone to lean on

# When you look
There's no-one there

# You're gonna find me
Ba-ba ba-ba

# Out in the country
Ba-ba ba-ba

# You're gonna find me
Ba-ba ba-ba

# Way out in the country
Ba-ba-ba. #


To send a message, loud and clear -

this is our village!

They're not wanted here, with their
drilling rigs and their lorries.

Hear, hear.

And I know
we all love living here...

Steady on.

..but if this fracking business
goes ahead,

we wouldn't be able to sell
our houses, even if we wanted to.

Let's have a show of hands.
All those against fracking.

And is there anyone in favour
of this fracking scheme?

I'm sorry, if you're going to use
language like that, I'm leaving.

No, Alice, it's not...

Right, next item on the agenda
- security.

We've had another break-in.

Petty cash tin were taken
from Scout cupboard.

Do you like the banner?
Silas and Pips did that all by themselves.

Matt's written a piece
for the local paper.

I happen to have
a really good contact there.

The Garthdale Newsletter?

Isn't that just done by a bloke
with a photocopier?

Laser printer.
Anyway, he's definitely onside.

Everyone in the parish
is gonna get a copy.

Great. Well, Steve's website
got over 10,000 hits.

Yeah, we've been contacted
by anti-fracking groups

from all over the world.

Oh, well done, Steve.
Every little helps.

We don't like fracking.
It's bad for the planet.

Yep, and the house prices.

We were thinking it might be
a good idea to get Grizzo involved,

maybe he could arrange
a fundraising gig or something.

Now, that is a good idea.

And tell him,
if he needs a support act,

I've got a couple of songs
I could play.

Matt's really good at guitar.
Course he is.

Shall we?

# If you all hate fracking
Clap your hands

Oh, look, there's my dad.
Better go and...

# If you all hate fracking
All hate fracking... #

All right, Dad?
Did you know,

some of these drilling rigs
can be over 100 feet high?

It'd be like waking up with
Blackpool Tower in your back garden.

What's so funny?

I just can't get used
to you as an eco-warrior.

You don't have to live up a tree
and call yourself Swampy

to know this is a bad idea.

Yeah, but when they wanted
to start fracking in the Dales,

you were all in favour of it.

In fact, you said, "Why don't they
build a motorway through it,

"so we can get to Kendal quicker?"

That's different. This is an Area
of Outstanding Natural Beauty.

So are the Dales.

They're all right
if you like that sort of thing.

Bob and Angela moved there,
absolutely hated it.

Moving somewhere and hating it,
imagine that.

Look at this, our online petition
has reached 50,000 signatures.


Every little helps.

Talking of which, I'm gonna post
these leaflets around the village.

Good luck with Grizzo.

We don't need Grizzo, do we,

now we've got Matt
and his singing munchkins?

# If you all hate fracking
Clap your hands

I'm not doing it.
Come on.

# If you all hate fracking
Clap your hands... #

No, I feel sick.

Yeah, but this is different.

If it goes in the window, it's £10.
Yeah, but...

If it's not paid for,
Gareth will take it down.

Well, can't Gareth
make an exception?

Why don't you ask him?


I've got some leaflets here
about the anti-fracking campaign.

Can I just put one in the window?

I know you normally charge,

but seeing as it's something
that helps the whole village,

would you mind making an exception?

He must've gone out.


You can leave some on the counter,
if you like.



Ha-ha! Whoa!

All right, Grizzo.
Hello, Steve!


Can I...?

What it is...
Sorry, mate, I can't hear you.

Just wanted to talk to you about...

Speak up!

Yes, see, I wanted to talk to you
about our anti-fracking campaign.

Can you...? We're trying to...

Any chance you can stop this?
What's that?

Can you stop the carousel?
That is a very good question.

Oh, hello, Alice.
Oh, it's you, thank goodness.

What's the matter?
My budgie's gone missing.

Oh, right.
I was changing his water,

and I thought, "Oh, I've got
a bit of apricot in the fridge."

Bobby loves apricot.
Does he?

I should never have left
the cage door open.

All right,
I'll come and have a look.

Oh, would you really, dear?
That's ever so kind of you.

He'll be somewhere in the house.
I don't think so.

I left the window open as well.


Are you OK?

Yeah, fine.
It's faster than it looks.

Anyway, yeah, so it's his idea,

he said I needed to get in touch
with my inner child.

Your therapist told you
to buy a carousel?

Yeah! Not in so many words, but...

Pretty sure that's what he meant.

Anyway, what have you been up to?

Well, that's what I've come to talk
to you about, Grizzo.

Do you know what fracking is?

Hydraulic fracturing to release
shale gas from the substrata?

Yeah, that.

Bobby! Bobby!



There's no sign of him, Alice.

He's probably up in that tree.
I'll just climb up and have a look.

No, Alice, don't.
I think I'd better do that.

Oh, well, if you insist.

No, count me in, Steve.
I'll set you up a gig.

Oh, great.
They'll all be up for it.

Stormzy, Rita Ora, Rag'n'Bone Man.

Not Ed Sheeran.
Why not?

We had a bit of a falling out.
Oh, no.

He reckoned Mike Tyson
could beat a tiger in a fight,

and I wasn't having it.
Haven't seen him since.

I mean, a tiger!
Yeah, come on, Ed, think about it.


Anyway, don't you worry about it,
Steve, I'm on it.

Sure you don't want a go?

Maybe another time.

Wish I knew how to stop it.


There's no sign of him, Alice.
Have you tried the apricot?

He's not here.
He likes a bit of apricot.

Well, not that much, obviously.

Oh, while you're up there,

you couldn't pick some of those
apples for me, could you?

If you wouldn't mind.

By the way, you dropped something.


There you go.
Thank you.

Just hot water. You sure
you don't want a teabag in it?

No, this is perfect.

Mmm. Yum.

So, how did the leafleting go?

Yeah, they're all over the village.

This campaign's really taking off.
How did you get on with Grizzo?

Yeah, he's totally up for it.

He's already planning
a fundraising gig.

Says he's gonna ask all his mates.
Stormzy, Rita Ora, Rag'n'Bone Man.

What about Alfie Boe?

I don't think Grizzo
knows Alfie Boe.

Oh, that's a pity.

Anyway, great work, you two.

You've been a real asset
to the campaign.

Hear, hear.

Although, of course, you've got more
at stake than most people.

How do you mean?
The compulsory purchase order.


If the fracking goes ahead,

this house is subject to
a compulsory purchase order.Oh.

Oh, no.

It's all in the proposals.
Haven't you read the small print?

They'd...purchase our house?
What, for the market value?

And the rest. You won't get any say
in the matter.

They'll just buy it from you.

It's typical of
these big corporations.

"Here's a great big bag of cash,
now go and live somewhere else."

I mean, it would solve
all our problems.

Too bloody right, it would.

They seriously pay the going rate?

Whatever it takes,
according to this.

If they want the land, they buy it.
What do they do with our house?

As long as they buy it,
they can fill it with dynamite

and blast it into the North Sea.
I'll press the plunger myself.

We can't admit we're in favour
of fracking, though.

No, of course not.
We keep that bit to ourselves.

What, still be part of
the anti-fracking campaign?

Officially, yes.

OK. Well, I'll just deliver
these leaflets, then.

Nice work. You better crash
that website of yours.

Already done it.


Now, I'm very pleased to say
we have with us -

and you've seen her
on the television -

from North Yorkshire Tonight,
Yasmin Lewis.


Thank you.

Well, you've left me in no doubt
as to the strength of feeling here.

And we are going to be doing
a special feature on fracking

in next Friday's show.

So, in the interest of balance,
I do have to ask,

is there anyone here
who's in favour of it?

I rather thought
that might be the case.

Well, if there is anybody
who supports fracking

but perhaps doesn't feel comfortable
saying so in public,

if you could just make yourself
known to me afterwards?

Thank you, Yasmin.

Right, next item on the agenda -
has anyone seen a missing budgie?

I really think we can win this one,

especially now
we've got the media on board.

It's amazing what can be achieved
if we stick together.


By the way,
your website seems to be down.

Is it? Yeah, I think I know
what that'll be,

it'll be sheer volume of traffic.

You should fix that, Steve.
I will. I'll do that.

I must just pop to the loo.

All the excitement.
Silas is like that.


You haven't seen this budgie,
have you?

Yellow and green, likes apricot.

Yasmin, can I have a quick word?

# Ba ba-ba ba-ba
Ba-ba ba-ba #

# Ba ba-ba ba-ba
Ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba. #

Won't everyone know it's you?

No, she's a proper journalist.

She's guaranteed me
complete anonymity.

We'll do the interview,
but they'll change my voice,

my face will be in shadow,
no-one will know it's me.

No, they'll think
you're a sex offender.

Oh, God, it's my dad.

We have a traitor in our midst.
A traitor?

You know that reporter woman?

You mean the one at the...?
That's her.

She was staying at
the White Horse over in Barnthwaite,

had a couple too many, let slip
that someone's approached her,

saying they're willing to do an
interview in favour of the fracking.

Did she say who it is?

No. But whoever it is,
they've let the whole village down.

It only needs one person
to support it,

then the council can say
local opinion is divided.

Next thing you know,
they'll rubber stamp it

and collect
their nice brown envelopes.

What's the matter with you?

I was just trying to think
who it could be.

Couldn't be Matt, could it?

I don't think it could be Matt.

No, probably not.

Well, the lads at the Bowls Club
were saying

if they find out who it is,

they'll fill his pockets
with bowling balls

and take him for a swim
in the old quarry.

Aren't they made of wood,
though, bowling balls?

Wouldn't they float?

I mean, I take your point.

But they're not going to find out.

How can you be so sure?
She gave me her word.

A journalist gave you their word.
Well, that's all right, then (!)

Look, it's worth the risk.
If I do this interview,

it could ruin the campaign,
the fracking will go ahead,

they'll buy this house
and we're out of here.

We just have to hold our nerve.

Who's that?

It's Grizzo.

Oh, no.
What's he done?

He's only gone and got Rita Ora
to say yes to this fundraising gig.

Well, you did ask him to.

Well, they'll win now,
stupid bloody yokels.

Standing in the way of progress.

And it's typical Grizzo - just when
you want him to be unreliable!


What am I gonna say to him?

Just get him to cancel it.
Can't you do it?

No, you're the one that asked him
in the first place.

It's just I think it would be better
coming from you,

because you're more assertive.

Mm-hm, I am.

So YOU get out of the car
and you go and talk to Grizzo.

All right. It's just that...
Steve, you talk to Grizzo

and I'll go and get the leaflets
back off Shannon.

That's if she hasn't eaten them.

Hi, Shannon.
Have all those leaflets gone?


Oh, you've got a budgie.

Where'd you get that from?


Where did Bronson
get the budgie from?

GARETH: You what?

Where did Bronson
get the budgie from?

He wouldn't say!

Look, I don't mean to be rude,

but I think Bronson
might have stolen that budgie.


I happen to know that
someone has lost...

Oh, hello, dear.

I found Bobby, by the way.

Oh, you found him.
Just after you left.

The poor little thing
had flown into the bathroom.

I didn't think
to look for him there.

He must've been terrified.

Oh, well, I'm glad you found him.

What for?

Suggesting that Bronson
might have stolen your budgie.

He probably did, just not from her.

You wouldn't have something

to get bird muck off
a shower curtain, would you?

I'm going to need quite a bit of it.


It's good, innit?
Yeah! Yeah.

You know, Grizzo, I've been thinking
about this fundraising gig.

Oh, yeah, what about it?

I'm not sure your counsellor
would approve.

How do you mean?

Well, it's a lot of work,
organising a thing like this.

And I'm worried that you might
lose touch with your inner child.

You reckon?

I think you're in danger of undoing
all this hard work you've put in.

So maybe it'd be better for you
if you just cancelled it.

What, cancelled the fundraising gig?
I would.

Yeah, maybe you're right.
Yeah, I'll cancel it.

Yeah. Yeah, to be honest, Rita
didn't sound that up for it, anyway.

Right. Good.

So you just jump off this thing?


Just watch out for the tree.

In fairness, he did warn me,
just not in time.

So, poor Rita Ora, she'll never get
to play Garthdale Village Hall.

She'll be gutted.
Oh, no, it's the Teletubbies.

What do they want?
Who's that with them?

Bloody hell, it's Barbara.

Shouldn't she be on a lead?
There are sheep around.

You're sure you wouldn't like
a cup of tea or coffee?

No, thank you.
Or hot water?

I'll come straight to the point.

We've had a new security camera
fitted at the village hall

on account of the burglaries.

Oh, yeah, the Scout tin.
Did you catch him?

No, Steve.
But it did catch somebody else.

Take a look at this.

It's you, isn't it?

You're the one who's gonna speak
in favour of fracking.

Why are you a traitor?

Well, no, I...
How could you, Steve?

We thought you were
one of the good guys.

Well, what have you got to say
for yourself?

We might as well tell them, Steve.

Steve's planning to sabotage
the live television debate.

We knew that they wanted to speak to
someone in favour of the fracking,

so Steve pretended to be in favour,
so that they'd ask him on.

But in fact,
he's gonna speak out against it.

Exactly. That was the plan.

So when it goes out live,
they'll see that there is no debate,

that the whole village is united
against the fracking.

And we'll win.

That... brilliant.

Hmm. Fair enough.

Sorry I called you a traitor.

Are you?

You are a genius.
They completely fell for it.

Yeah, I know.
Steve, listen...

I don't even
have to be anonymous any more.

I've been thinking.
It's like I'm a double agent.

Steve, you can't do it.
Can't what?

You can't go on telly and say
you're in favour of fracking.

But I am. I want to.

But you're going against
the whole village.

They'll hate us.
They can do what they want.

We won't be in the village,
we'll be back in Leeds,

where they've got buses
and kebab shops

and cinemas that don't double
as badminton courts.

We'll have hot water again,
and a roof.

And cheaper electricity,
thanks to fracking.

You can't let everyone down.

Yes, I can.

Well, I've got a message for them.
We're not going to lie down.

You'll destroy this village
over our dead bodies!


Well, we've heard from opponents
of the fracking scheme,

but now we're going to hear from
someone who takes a different view.

Or so she thinks.

Steve Rawlings,
you're in favour of the proposals.

Could you explain why?

Well, Yasmin, I know fracking
has a bad reputation...

Get off!

..but let's look at the facts.

How dare you, Steve?

Shale gas is one of the cleaner
sources of energy.

It's a natural resource

and we're lucky to have it
in huge quantities right here.

He is gonna speak out
against the fracking, isn't he?

I hope so, Dad.

If this proposal goes ahead,
it'll mean cheaper energy,

it'll bring jobs to the area.

Do we really want to stand
in the way

of an opportunity like this?

And...and the answer to that is...



Yes, we do want to stand
in the way of it,

because it comes at too high
a price...

MURMURS OF APPROVAL the environment
and to the community,

both of which will be
utterly devastated

if this fracking goes ahead!


I mean, for centuries,
people have worked this land,

and in return,
it has supported our livestock

and put food on our table.


This land is our land!

And it's our duty to preserve it
for our children

and for our children's children!

And that is why I say no to fracking
in Garthdale.


Well done, Steve.

I honestly couldn't have done it
better myself.

I just did what I had to do.

And just as well. I were about to
throw my glass of water over you.

Hey, I've been talking
to that Yasmin -

looks like you've really
put the wind up the council.

They just issued a statement

saying they're 100% opposed
to any fracking going ahead.

Let's have a toast.

To no fracking in Garthdale!

ALL: No fracking in Garthdale.

And to Nicky and Steve
living here...forever.

ALL: Hooray!



# Ba-ba ba-ba

# When the world
In which you're living

# Gets a bit too much to bear

# And you need someone to lean on

# When you look
There's no-one there

# You're gonna find me
Ba-ba ba-ba

# Out in the country
Ba-ba ba-ba

# You're gonna find me
Ba-ba ba-ba

# Way out in the country