Back in the Game (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 6 - Night Games - full transcript

1x06 - Night Games

So, what do you think? I'm gonna
wear this tomorrow night.

Don't tell me. Um,
I'll take a shot.

Yeah. You got a haircut, huh?

Every Halloween,
Danny and I dress up

as Raggedy Ann and Andy, and
we go trick-or-treating.

All these words necessary? I'm
trying to watch a little television.

I'm Keeley Summers. Coming
up after the break,

more extreme-sports action
right here on Sports X.

Hey, isn't that... isn't that
the girl from high school,

you know, on the beach
and everything?



- Yeah.
- Keeley Summers. Turn it off.

I guess she's in town
covering that, uh,

international stupid
roller thing or something.

She was so horrible to me. She
stole every guy I ever liked,

and she got female
athlete of the year

because I played boys
baseball and wasn't eligible.

Look how, uh... look how she
holds herself, you know?

Oh, hold this, old man.

Keeley?

Oh, good. Another one.

Help me, Cannon.
She took pictures.

If you're gonna let this kid
dress like some measle-infested

rag doll, do yourself a
favor, save some time.

Let him just go beat the crap
out of himself. Go ahead.



Danny, do not listen to him.
We are gonna have a great time

and get hopped up on abba-zabas
like we do every year.

See? That's what I mean. Halloween
is nothing but child welfare.

A bunch of these gargoyles
walking up and down the street

- looking for a handout.
- Oh, lighten up, Dad.

It's kids dressing up
and getting candy.

Well, when I was a kid, the
trick was not getting polio,

and the treat was to get a job
when you were 8 years old.

Well, it is a family tradition, and
we are going to keep it going.

Look, don't we have to agree
on family traditions?

- Go get ready for practice.
- Thank you.

Hey, hey, Danny boy.

I'm sorry. I was only
teasing about the outfit.

You look great. See
you in the hospital.

Yeah, thanks. Be sure
to bring some candy,

'cause I'm not getting
any dressed like this.

Why do you do that to him?

It is our first Halloween
since the move, and I would

like him to feel that some
things don't have to change.

You can come with us. You
can dress as despair.

Oh, that's clever.

But, you see, I
have a tradition.

1997 Halloween, a bunch of
kids came into our cemetery

and turned over gravestones. And
one of them was your mother's.

And I...

am not gonna let that happen again.
That's my tradition.

♪ I'm back ♪

♪ I'm back ♪

Whoa. Nice hit, buddy.

It only took you six months
to get a piece of it.

Loser!

Don't listen to them.
You drilled that.

All right, Vanessa.
Your turn at bat.

- Nice hit, Danny.
- Thanks.

Hey, are you going
trick-or-treating tomorrow night

- with the team?
- Um... I don't know.

Well, if you do, maybe I
could go with you guys.

Yeah, but aren't you
going with David?

No. He thinks
costumes are stupid.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Definitely.
You can come with us.

Great.

Yes.

Okay. There's a little
something you guys are

gonna have to learn to
do in between the bases.

- It is called running!
- Hey, Cannon.

Uh, you mind if I interrupt
your yelling for just a second?

- I am not yelling.
- All right, fine.

Hey, uh, you guys, you
know what's a great idea?

Yeah, if we all go
trick-or-treating tomorrow night!

No!

I'm not going.
David and his gang

are gonna push me down
and take my candy again.

Last year, they even
broke my candelabra.

Liberace without his
candelabra is just Elvis.

Well, we have to go out. It's Halloween!
I'm talking free candy.

Listen, I'd kill a man
for a bucket of candy.

But these guys scare me. They
picked me up by my side skin.

I don't want to get
bullied anymore.

Look, we are not gonna get
bullied tomorrow night.

I can guarantee that.
Right, Cannon?

- What did you say? What?
- You have a particular set of skills.

You can crack the
bully code for us.

Right. That is right.
I can do that.

But you guys are gonna have
to pay attention to me.

So, here's what we can do.

We can pull a number 19.

Now, for number 19,
you got have a kit.

You're gonna need a pipe,
venetian blinds, a rope.

You're gonna need super glue.

You're gonna need grease, some
pepper, maybe a unicycle,

a bag of cement, and silk stockings
and a couple other items.

Whole thing costs
you $3,000, $4,000.

- That sounds like a lot.
- Right. Not in your budget. I get it.

Here's the deal. Gather up here.

Hey, Terry.

Just thought I'd make
sure you're coming to my

Dick-tober awesome Halloween
costume jam tomorrow night.

I was thinking about just
putting a bow on and coming as

god's gift to women, but then...
I couldn't be a cowboy.

And cowboys are
friggin' awesome.

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pewng!

That one ricocheted.
You hear that?

Oh, don't do that.

- I spend Halloween with my son, Dick.
- Oh, come on.

We're having all kinds of relay
races, cool prizes. Just...

Oh, my god. You're gonna have relay races?
That's so cool!

- That's mean.
- Oh, my god.

That's Keeley Summers.
What is she doing here?

You know Keeley? I met her
last year at the sidecar.

She's back in town, and
she's definitely coming

to my Dick-tober awesome
Halloween costume jam.

Hey, slingbaugh. See you
tomorrow night at the party?

Yes, you will, Keeley.

- Gannon?
- Mm?

Terry? Oh, my... is that you?

Oh, you never grew!

Oh, and you're standing
up and wearing clothes.

I haven't seen you
since high school.

I was class president,
and Terry was the, uh...

- god, what did you do, again?
- Vending-machine liaison.

That's right. That's right.

Well, Terry and I were always
competing, and I always won.

- God, we had so much fun.
- Yeah, high school.

So long ago. So irrelevant now.

Well, you know what they say. Life
is just high school all grown up.

No. No one says that.

Well, I just said it,
so people do say it.

They do.

So, do you still live here?

Oh, Terry... uh, Terry had to quit
college when she got knocked up.

- And then, she, uh, married a

loser and got divorced... - Oh.

And had to move back down
here to live with her dad.

She also coaches, and, uh, she
works for me... at the pizzeria.

Terry Gannon, making poor
life decisions since 1997.

- Wow.
- Well, Terry, I would love to catch up,

but I have a Sports X interview
at the other field here.

But, hey, maybe I'll see you
at Dick's Halloween party.

At my Dick-tober awesome
Halloween costume jam.

You know what? Or just
follow me on Instagram,

and I'll take pics of
everything that you missed.

- Okay. Bye.
- Oh-ho-ho!

- She is something, huh?
- Yeah. She's something.

Look, Terry, I can understand
now why you're not coming

tomorrow night. I wouldn't want
to compete with that, either.

I mean... she's perfect.

Shut up, Dick. I'll be there.

All right. Cool.

Oh. Hey, Mom. You know, I
know we have a tradition,

and I'm a little nervous
to ask you this,

but, you know, do you
think, this Halloween,

maybe I could go
trick-or-treating with my own...

Friends? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely! Yeah, and
I'll go out with mine.

- Good idea.
- Thank you.

Great new tradition.
Good thinking, buddy.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Mom, someone's here to milk
our cows that we don't have.

Michael, it's me... coach Terry.
I'm Raggedy Ann.

Oh. Well, you're
certainly half of that.

Mom, I'm leaving.
Have fun tonight.

Don't worry, Terry. My
Mom can work magic.

- Goodbye, Mom.
- Bye, darling... oh, good lord.

You look like a 7-year-old
doing the walk of shame.

It's Halloween, darling.
Where are your breasts?

Help. I need a grown-up costume.

Oh, I am going to take
Keeley Summers down tonight.

She completely rode my
coattails in high school

and took everything
that was coming to me.

Hm. Seems like you're over it.

I am way too amped up for
your dry British wit.

I want to win... once.

I want to show up to this
party looking so smoking hot

that Keeley Summers doesn't
know whether to cry or kiss me,

and she's so confused
that she just melts into

a puddle of her own misery.

Ooh. I love dark Terry.

Now let's get you out of that
dreadful hamburger-girl costume

and into something a
little more delicious.

- Ooh. Are you allergic to latex?
- Yes.

No problem. I have
other closets.

What the hell is this? Caroline?

This bum James is
trying to show you up.

"Friend and nurse"
and the picture.

He had to do this last week. I'm
telling you, when he shows up, man,

I'm gonna cut him a new one.
You hear me?

I'm here. You got a problem
with my Clara's stone?

Yeah, you bet your ass I do.

You think your dead wife is
better than my dead wife?

What is that, a frigging résumé?
"Nurse."

- Hi.
- Wow. You look great.

Thanks.

But why aren't you dressed
like one of the Angles?

It's Halloween?

You look like the chick
from "the Hungry Games."

And, Dong, what are you wearing?

Hey, we all agreed to come
in our uniforms, right?

And there you have it.

Well, guys, what do you say
we do some trick-or-treating?

Yeah!

Whoa-ho! Keeley!

You look amazing.

Shut up. You're so sweet.

But seriously.

- Wow.
- Wow.

Whoa. Terry. You, uh...

Wow. I mean, look at her.
That's "wow," right?

- That... that is...
- You look really pretty, Terry.

I mean, so much better
than yesterday, right?

Mm, thanks. You
just look the same.

And, Dick, in your "Alone Ranger" costume.
How perfect.

You know what, Terry? I give,
and I give, and you just... oh!

Slutty nurse! I gotta go.

Did you see the look
on Keeley's face?

- She was rattled.
- Mm.

- It was awesome.
- Yes, very good.

Uh, and, darling,
just so you know,

your boob tape is only
gonna hold till midnight.

After that, your little
pumpkins are coming out.

Oh, operation "me looking
hot" accomplished.

Let's get out of this
Dick-tober cheese fest.

Oh!

Oops.

Oh, I hope that doesn't
ruin your costume.

Well, that looks terrible.

You know what, Keeley?
I was gonna be cool.

Well, that would be a first.

But not anymore. I am
going to take you down.

Oh, like you did in high school?

Oh, wait. That didn't happen.

- Oh, I will strangle...
- Whoa, whoa! Hang on, girls!

Hey, hey! Don't... let's
not waste this here.

You guys could go head-to-head
in one of my competitions.

- Or you could just wrestle.
- I'm in.

I'm gonna tell you what
I don't like, okay?

I put four things
on Caroline's stone

just to set her apart 'cause
she's a special lady.

Now, here you come and
try to rip of my idea.

And not only that, then
you try to one-up me.

Now, that's a dirtbag
thing to do, James.

Are you saying my
Clara's not special?

What I'm saying is I'm
gonna run up to my car

and get a chisel or a sander and
end the conversation. How's that?

Tell you what... you keep running
your mouth, and I'll add

more letters to the stone like,
uh, "great cook," "nice ass."

Whoa, whoa. Right there...
stop. Talking ass...

nobody... nobody had a better ass
than this girl right here. Nobody.

Well, my Clara took first place
in a Jamaican dance contest.

Have you ever seen how
they dance down there?

You know, dance like...
well, you know.

Yeah, I know.

Best.

Mmm. This cookie
crunch is muy bueno.

I'm gonna see how much I can
eat before my kidneys fail.

Yeah, well, my Mom doesn't
usually allow me to eat sugar.

- Why? Is that a religious thing?
- No, my Mom just sucks.

Look at all this candy.

Remind me to call my
trainer when I get home.

- You having fun?
- Yeah. I'm glad I came.

Cool kid alert! Cool kid alert!

Okay, guys. Remember the plan.

Stay calm, guys. We got this.

See, now, I thought you guys

would have learned
your lesson last year.

So, just hand over the candy,

and maybe we'll let you keep a
little bit of your dignity.

Come on, David. Don't be a jerk.

These are my teammates now.
Don't do this.

I don't get why you're always
sticking up for these geeks.

Careful, babe, or I'm gonna
have to cut you loose.

Hey, look, we are not geeks.

I am.

You are not stealing our candy.

Right, 'cause...
who's gonna stop us?

Certainly not... Superman!

Eh, I gave it a shot.

I'm gonna stop you.

Son of a...

- Get him!
- Come on, guys. Let's go.

Okay, everybody. The games
are about to begin.

This year, there's no teams.

It's just Terry versus Keeley...

for a prize of 5,000 bucks.

And by 5,000 bucks, I
mean 5,000 Dick dollars.

Hey, let's get this
thing started!

Looks like Terry's
definitely in the lead.

Her doughnut's almost gone.
Ooh, Keeley's close.

Ohh, guys, closer. Closer.

Eyes on me! Ohh!

Yes. Oh! Terry is the winner!

Terry is the winner of the
doughnut-eating contest!

I'm sorry. You couldn't eat
the doughnut fast enough.

Well done, Terry.

Well, it looks like the
mummy-wrap contest

might be won by Keeley.

Is that a face? Yes!

She wins the mummy-wrap contest!

- Keeley wins!
- Damn it, Stan!

Why'd you have to wear
that stupid headdress?

Here I come, Danny!

You couldn't leave well
enough alone, could you?

Now!

Pull!

Hey!

- Get him!
- Come on, guys.

- Pull!
- I'm losing grip!

No!

Get him, guys!

Come on, guys! Pull!

Pull!

- Yes!
- Whoo!

All right, guys, come on!
We did it!

- Whoo-hoo!
- We did it! Come on!

I'll tell you what. You're
kind of right, there.

That is quite an ass.

So is your Caroline. How'd you
get her to pose like that?

Oh, yeah. She did
that, you know?

Sent it to me while I
was in the service.

Who took it?

Um, never thought of that.
Here. Give it to me.

- I didn't mean, uh...
- No, no, no, no.

Just take it easy. Relax.

Listen, all these years, you
know, I've been wondering.

I never asked you how, uh...
how Clara passed.

Car accident.

She was coming home from work.
It had been raining.

- How about your Caroline?
- Oh, cancer.

- I'm sorry.
- Me, too.

Cannon, so you know, I did add
those words to one-up you

because before tonight,
I didn't like you.

Do me a favor and
just relax, James.

Just don't get swishy
on me, all right?

- Here. Want a beer?
- Sure.

- Ribs?
- Uh, dry-rubbed or sauced?

- Sauced.
- Well, then, I'm in.

- And here's to girls with great asses.
- Yeah.

Now, here's the deal. You
don't bully us anymore.

You don't tease us anymore.

That goes for you, your friends,
and the whole Pirates team.

If not, we have about a
thousand eggs up here,

and we all need
pitching practice.

So, you gonna take the deal?

I have an idea. How
about you let us out,

and I won't scramble your face?!

The bank called.

No deal! Fire!

Hey, David. I'm tired of
the way you treat people.

I'm cutting you loose.

All right, let's do this, folks.

The final event is
spike the apple.

Okay, so, the person
closest to the bull's-eye

with the apple wins.

So, let's introduce
our first thrower.

She's tall, and she's hot...

It's Keeley!

Ohh!

That is not bad.
Blue is not bad.

Coming up next, she's
a little shorter,

but she's still hot...
it's Terry.

- Mom.
- Danny?

W-what are you doing here?
Are you okay?

You will not believe
the night I just had.

Hey. Are you gonna
throw or what?

Shut up. I'm talking to my son.

Okay, so, these older kids,
they tried to steal our candy,

but the Cannon helped me,
and we totally egged them.

And then Vanessa dumped David,

and she kissed me on the cheek!

Also, I found this house that has
a bunch of abba-zabas, and I

wanted to know if you still wanted
to go trick-or-treating with me.

We have to go now, or else
they're gonna run out.

Oh, buddy.

- Of course I'll go with you.
- Wait. So, you forfeit?

I win. I win again.

I'm sorry. Did you see
what just happened here?

Say what you want about my life choices.
You don't have this.

I win.

Whatever you got
to tell yourself.

Ohh! Unbelievable!

Just so we're clear.

You hear that?

Teenagers.

- Yeah.
- Ohh. It's butt-kicking time.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Give me some of that
barbecue sauce.

You guys suck! You had them!

- I need to take this off.
- This stinks.

Zombies! Aah! Run!

Hey.

Let's not wait a year before
we hang out again, huh?

- You got a deal.
- All right.

Let's have a beer.