Back in the Game (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 2 - Stay in or Bail Out - full transcript

[ music plays ]
[ alarm beeping ]

[ thud ]

- No, mom!
- Danny, where's the alarm?

It's on the chair.

We have a chair?

[ toilet flushes ]

[ door closes ]

Ohh!

- Do not go in there!
- But I've got to brush my teeth.

Nothing in that bathroom
goes in your mouth.

No.



Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey, Rocky, what are you doing?

Danny and I are living
on top of each other.

I don't get why you
sleep in the guest room

when you have a perfectly
good master bedroom.

We need the extra
bathroom. Unlock this door.

It's not gonna happen.
This room is a disaster.

There's not even a seat
for the crapper, okay?

- So one will have to do.
- It won't do.

Hazmat suits can't protect
us from what you drop.

It's horrifying.

It's like you took a
number three in there.

Please try to make do, won't you?

Oh, god. This isn't gonna work.



I have to find a job so Danny
and I can move out of here.

Well, that would be swell,
'cause there's a huge demand

- for college dropouts nowadays.
- There's lots that I could do.

I could sell cars.

I did it for my dumb
ex-husband's car dealership,

and I was the best one on that lot.

- Look, you do what you got to do.
- Okay.

But we all know how that worked
out for you the last time.

You got divorced and you moved in here.

Where you gonna move in next?
Your Aunt Sylvia's?

She's dead.

Who the hell was I talking to
on the phone? [ breathes deeply ]

I'm going in.

♪ I'm back ♪
[ title music plays ]

1x02 - "Stay In or Bail Out"

♪ I'm back ♪

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's a team.

[ indistinct shouting ]

- And this...
- Ow!

...is just a bunch of
dumb kids with hats.

Ow!

Hey, we have the field.

Oh.
Hey, um, let me ask you something.

How and what?
What can you possibly teach these kids?

I am teaching them how an
unemployed, divorced single mother

with an old tumor attached to
her can accomplish anything.

That's really very nice, but, uh...

why don't you teach them how to hit?

Here, you don't tell me what to do.

I am the manager.
You're the assistant.

- I've got everything under control.
- Mm-hmm. I can see that.

Amigo, down!

- You're in America already!
- Cannon.

I was born in Irvine, you gringo.

Cannon, I've got this, okay?

Dong! Dong!

- Dong! Dong! Dong!
- Step and spin and step and spin.

Dongerang!

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
[ rock music plays ]

- Yes, you got it.
- Dudley, what are you doing?

♪ uh-huh ♪

Ugh.

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ look at me, look at me,
look at me, I'm a winner ♪

♪ you're a winner ♪
♪ it's just as simple as that ♪

Hey, lady, that was close!
# don't you agree, don't you agree #

♪ don't you agree that I'm a winner? ♪

♪ you're a winner ♪
♪ you just can't argue with that ♪

♪ look at me, look at me,
look at me, I'm a winner ♪

♪ you're a winner ♪
♪ just as simple as that ♪

♪ no, no, no ♪

Guys, you are never gonna get a hit

if you keep bailing
out of the batter's box.

It just seems safer
outside of the batter's box.

- Ugh.
- You scared in that box?

I'm scared in that box.
Might as well be a coffin.

All right, boys.
Come on. Everybody out.

Let's go. Come on.
Hustle up. Gather up.

Ginger boys, come here.

All right, listen up.

I want you to feel over here on
this side of my head over here.

- Yay!
- Yay!

- No, don't rub it. Feel.
- Ugh.

- It feels like chunky...
- Soup.

Terry Sr.: Look, guys.

I got beaned three times
in my Major League career

by big leaguers, right?

So I've got a couple of
these little dents in my head.

But look at me. I'm
fine. I'm perfectly fine.

I just can't taste vanilla.
No big deal, right?

Terry Jr.: Hey, guys. Look.
There are moments in your lives

when you have to conquer your fears.
That's where we are now.

Look, being afraid of getting
hit by the ball is normal.

But even if it does hit you,
it only stings for a second.

Ray Chapman was killed by the
Yankees' pitcher Carl Mays.

That was 100 years ago.

So was the Titanic.
You crying about that?

I always cry over the Titanic.

Why didn't she help
him back into that raft?

Oh, point is, stay in the box, okay?

The Cannon's gonna finish up practice.

W-w-where you going?

I told you. I'm getting
out of that house.

So unless you clean up that room,
I'm going to look for work.

Well, that's just fine.

All right, guys. I guess we're
gonna run a bunch of laps now.

Thanks, uh, to coach
unemployment over there.

Let's go. Let's hit it.
Drop the bats.

Don't jog. Don't trot. Run!

- Here comes Terry.
- Oh, hey, Terry.

- Hmm?
- If you're, uh, looking for work,

I'm not only league president
and god to all these coaches.

I also own a construction company,
which would be perfect work for you.

You got to wear a hard hat, so
that hair won't be a problem.

And you already have
just a filthy, hot mouth.

- I'd rather have bird flu
than work for you. - What?

I'd rather have an index finger
six feet long that never bends.

What does that mean?

I'd rather show you where
my tattoo is.

- Filthy.
- Never ... that's the point.

Oh, man.

Terry Jr.: I mean, look.

I know it's only one job, but
technically it is a résumé.

[ chuckles ]

Hello?

Hmm. Okay.

[ cellphone beeps ]

Wow.

[ horn honks ]
[ sighs ]

Ugh. The last thing I want
to do is sell cars again.

[ sighs ] Screw it.

Woman over P.A.:
Customer Parker to financing.

Customer Parker to financing, please.
[ music ]

[ keys jingle ]

Terry Sr.: Hey!

- I wasn't ...
- Where did you get this key, Sherlock?

- Uh, it was ...
- I told you this room was off limits.

- What did you see?
- I saw ...

You saw nothing.
You saw absolutely nothing.

- Here.
- Mm-hmm.

Don't say a word to you mother.

- 20 bucks?
- Cute. Here's $40.

- Just so that we're clear.
- We're not.

Stay out of the room and zip it, okay?

- Bye.
- Okay.

Mm-hmm.

All right, all right, all right.

- This is impressive. Yeah.
- Damn right.

I have sold cars to all
of those celebrities in Michigan,

home of the big three.

- Big three.
- See? You know.

- Yeah, I've heard of it.
- Yeah. I'm tough, and I can talk.

Like fat guys and water slides,
it is a lethal blend, Eric.

- You're also hot.
- Mm.

Okay. Job is yours if you want it.

Congratulations.

Mm-hmm. Great.

I'm gonna go get you
some start paperwork

you can take with you, okay, Mary?

Terry.

- Eric: Hey, guys! You got
to meet this chick! - Mm.

Vodka, vodka, vodka,
vodka, vodka, vodka.

Oh, Lulu, I do not want to sell cars.

Oh, why not, darling?
Everybody loves a car salesman.

No. No, they don't. It's like
the most universally hated job.

Nazis, car salesmen, serial
killers ... in that order.

Have you ever been to a car dealership.

It's like such a sexist environment.

What? Darling, you can handle
that. You're very butch.

Now, if I was a Martini glass,
where would my maid put me?

I don't know if I'm butch,
but, yes, you know, you're right.

I can do anything a man can do.

[ chuckles ]

Darling, if you could,
then we would not be talking

because you're young,
blond, and desperate,

and that's my sweet spot.

See, I just don't know if I'm
qualified to do anything else.

And I hated myself when I sold cars.

I was competitive and
superficial and empty.

Everybody hates their jobs.

That's why there are
alcohol salesmen, hmm?

It's the circle of life.
Commute, work, and medicate.

It's the american way,
and if that's the only way

you're gonna get out of that house,

if it's your only
option, then take the job.

Hmm.
[ inhales deeply ] Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

- Cannonball.
- Yeah.

Why can't you stay in the batter's box?
Were you adopted?

- What? No. I'm scared of the ball.
- Why?

Because when a baseball hits you,
it feels like a baseball hits you.

- Then get out of the way.
- That's exactly what I'm doing

by stepping out of the batter's box.

- Yeah, but then you'll never get a hit.
- Or a concussion.

Look, someway, somehow, I'm
gonna get you to stay in that box.

I mean, if it kills you.

- Good morning.
- Hey, mom. You look nice.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, how's the job hunt going?

Great. I got an offer already.

So why don't you take
it and then take off?

- What is your problem?
- You know, in my day,

when somebody gave you
something completely free,

like a roof over your
head, you said, "thank you."

I have no idea what this is.

This is because you
won't clean out a room.

Hell, I will go clean it out for you.

What could possibly be in there anyway?

It's floor to ceiling.
Mind your business.

Now, I'm not gonna tell you twice.

You stay out of there.
Stay out of there.

You just said that twice.

- No, it was one each.
- Fine.

Remember, today's your first
practice alone with the kids.

Work on keeping them in
the box. Nothing crazy.

What am I gonna do, kidnap them?

In the van. Let's go.

Everybody pass up your permission slips.

- These permission slips are pretty vague.
- It limits my liability.

If you don't get back in this
van by the end of the day,

- it's not my problem.
- Then whose problem is it?

Your parents, society,
Obama. I don't care.

Just buckle up.
[ engine turns over ]

[ grunts ] Dang it!
# come on #

[ laughter ]

It's done. Okay?

Hey, hey! I'm up.

You take one more step, and
I'll wear you like a cheap suit.

You're not gonna like the
way you look. I guarantee it.

Hi. I'm Terry.
How can I help you?

Angel: This place is no
bueno, Mr. The Cannon.

- My uncle lives here.
- Danny: Come on. How bad could it be?

Michael: Hello? It's a prison.

Man on P.A.: It's shiv amnesty day.
Turn in your shiv...

All right, boys, this is, uh, my
coach, and he's the warden here.

And he, uh, kind of recruits

and trains the very
best baseball players

who have committed felonies
throughout these United States.

And Puerto Rico.

- And Guam.
- And Guam.

You know, nothing warms my heart as much

than to meet young ballplayers.

Prisoner: Hey, Chow! Trade
your uniform for a jumpsuit!

Oh.

Now, I hear that you're having
trouble staying in the batter's box.

Let me introduce you to
three killer baseball players

who are going to help you.

So you boys are here because
you're afraid of a little baseball?

Hey, Cannon, you think
maybe we should ...

Speak up!
♪ Murder ♪

- You know why they call me Blade?
- Because you were an ice skater?

♪ Murder ♪

♪ Murde-r-r-r-r ♪

- Clouds make me angry.
- That makes no sense.

[ grunting ]

[ laughs ]

Oh, we're dead.

♪ I went to the graveyard
late last night ♪

I've got great news.
[ sighs ]

We were able to get you financed.

That's fantastic.
What's my rate?

Oh, it's a great rate.

Yeah, it'll keep those weekly
payments right where you wanted them.

You know, I'm so glad that I met you.

I feel like a lot salesmen
just want to take advantage

- of a single mom.
- Ugh.

I've been saving up for
this car for, like, 14 years.

[ laughs ]
Are you serious?

That's a lot of years.
Lots o' years.

That's why I need a new
car now because my daughter Isabel

loves gymnastics and
those lessons cost a fortune.

[ laughs ]

- It's a long commute to nationals.
- Ah, nut bug.

- I'm sorry?
- I can't do this to you.

At this rate, you're buying
a $15,000 car for $38,000.

[ whispers ] Okay, listen to me.
Go to the lot across the street.

Tell them you won't pay more than 7%.

Be firm and believe me,
they will take the deal.

Okay?
Now run out of here, Jennifer.

- I said run!
- Oh... Thank you, Terry.

Hey. Hey, what just happened?
How did you blow that?

- She was a dumb woman.
- Thank you, Eric.

I am no longer conflicted
about the next five minutes.

- Huh?
- Eh? [ trunk slams ]

By the way, I quit!

Eric: [ muffled ]
Hey! Where you going, Mary?!

- Terry! It's Terry!
- Terry? You there?

Man, it's hot in here. Whew!

Terry Sr.: When you bail out of the box,

pretty soon you're bailing
out of the classroom.

And then you start skipping school.

And that's where you hatch your
plan to rob the liquor store.

Then you get all hopped up
with that money on goofballs

and you wind up on a boat, naked,
with an owl as your friend.

And the owl is a solitary
creature by nature,

- so that's no friend.
- Right! Right!

No friend at all.

When you bail out on a pitch,
you're bailing out on your team.

You're bailing out on your
dreams or something. Am I clear?

All: Yes, Cannon.

Am I clear?

All: Yes, Cannon!

That's what I want to hear.

All of you better stay
in that batter's box,

or you can stay in that sweat
box over there for a month.

Prisoner: [ muffled ] Stay in the box!

Bikram Yoga in prison?
Very progressive.

Who said Bikram Yoga?!

Look here. Senseless Paul is
going to pitch to you ... hard.

Angel: Why is Silent Julio talking?

Dong! If you step out that box,

them dogs is not gonna like it.

[ dogs barking ]

[ rock music ]

[ barking continues ]

[ exhales deeply ]

[ exhales deeply ]

[ dogs barking ]

Cannon, what should I do?

Hey, will you cool these dogs
down for a minute, please?

Cool them down. Hey.

Come here.
Give me this.

You've done stuff much scarier
than this. Think about it.

You left Michigan. You
left your house there.

Y-y-you came to a new school.
You took care of your mom.

You get in there one time ...
one time ...

and I promise you
you will never be afraid again.

You'll want to do it 1,000
times. Trust me, please.

You'll see.

All right? Let's go.

[ bat clinks ]

Hey! Did ...
did he get a piece of that?

What?!
[ all cheer ]

He got a piece of it!

All: Yeah!

You got a piece of it, man.

[ indistinct shouting ]

That's a great bunch of
boys you got there, Cannon.

Yeah.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I've got to go execute a guy.

End to a perfect day.

- [ chuckles ] Thanks again, buddy.
- Thank you.

[ rock music ]

Lulu: Hmm, first time I'm here,
with good reason. [ chuckles ]

Hi. I'm sorry.
I just needed a cheap beer

to cleanse myself of the
disgusting job I just quit.

No, I want to make my own money
at a job I feel good about.

Eh. Feminist. Blah.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Uh, can we get two slices
and a pitcher of beer?

Oh, sorry.
We don't have slices.

And we don't have pitchers, either.

- You know this is America, right?
- No slices. Only pies.

- Can I talk to your manager?
- We'll just take, um...

A medium sausa...
uh, uh, great.

You know, the Cannon used to bring me

to a place like this when I was young.

Yeah, we'd hit the cage, share a slice.

He'd drink four pitchers
of beer, punch a guy,

- and we'd take the bus home.
- Hi. You wanted to see me?

Uh, yeah. Your, uh, no-slice
policy is ridiculous.

Uh-huh.

This should be a place where
I can bring my kid when I just

want to spend five bucks and
have 10 great minutes with him.

And I know he'll leave
happy, even though the slice

was so hot it took a
layer of skin off his roof.

And everyone knows pitchers are easier
to serve, by the way. Less refills.

You know what?
Those are really good ideas.

- Yeah.
- You should work here.

[ chuckles ] Right.

- [ laughs ] Right.
- Wait. Are you hiring?

I took a job ...
not selling cars.

Whoop-dee-friggin'-do.

Hey, if you want to
choose a weird mystery room

over me and Danny, go right ahead.

All right, hunter, just ...
just do your best to stay in the box.

Wow. That was great!

Uh, now you just have
to try swinging the bat.

- No, thanks.
- Baby steps it is.

[ music ]

Huh.

Hey, you're staying in the box.

Holy cow!
You guys are doing fantastic.

What did you do yesterday?

- Uh, we spent some time in the cage.
- Uh, hey, rook!

[ sighs, clears throat ]

Hey, I heard you're gonna
be rolling in the dough.

I'm not talking about
the dough you need.

I'm talking about the dough you knead.

- Are you having a stroke?
- Homonyms. Boom.

Idiot. Boom.

Hey, that's no way to talk
to the guy who really loved

your whole
pitchers-and-slices idea.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.

I own line drive pizza

along with a whole lot
of other bitching stuff.

But if you can't handle working
for me, it's fine. Just quit.

But then you'd have
to show me your tattoo.

I'd rather have it sandblasted off.

Which you can do at Dick's
Laser Hair removal center.

We also do tattoos. Boom.

I'll see you at work. Boom.

When we went to that prison,
I was scared to death,

a-and you helped me face my fear.

And now because you're afraid
to face what's in that room,

uh, my mom and I are
gonna have to move out.

I don't want to move.
I like living with you.

I-I-I like having
you as my grandpa.

Why?

All right, you win.

[ Houses' "Big Light" plays ]

♪ I was stuck in the ground,
trying to cover my eyes ♪

♪ trying to move all this light ♪

♪ I spent all night trying
to remember your face ♪

[ sighs ]

Dad, you could have told me.

I, uh ... I fixed the, uh ...

cleaned up the ...
you know, the bathroom.

Mm.

So, now, I mean, this is our house.

So there's no more of that
"I'm moving out" crap. That's done.

And, uh, you know, if
you want to work, fine,

- but do not settle, okay?
- I didn't.

And I'm gonna keep working
because it makes me feel good.

- And we need the money.
- And you can buy me beer.

Yeah, and bring home free pizza.

Pizzas. I got moods, you know?

Sausage, sometimes a
pepperoni, sometimes a mushroom.

Oh, now he's getting greedy.
All right, pizzas. Okay.

- Did you put the seat on the toilet yet?
- One thing at a time.

I happen to be waiting
for a sale, 'cause, uh ...

- You're waiting on a sale?
- A toilet sale.

You're waiting on a toilet-seat sale?

- Yeah, what's the matter with that?
- You don't make any sense.

Both: Again! Again!

- Now, what's this letter?
- Pants?

Good guess. Moving on.

When Joey says, "stand down,"

you're hearing, "I don't like you."

- So, what are you in for?
- Arson.

What Joey really means is,
"I need some space."

Can a piece?

- Keep this.
- Okay. Cool.

Harsh time.
Toss back together.

Fish, good boy.
Was a good boy.

Was a good boy.
Was a good boy. [ dog barks ]