Baby Daddy (2012–2017): Season 2, Episode 15 - Surprise! - full transcript

So, I can't believe I was so drunk,

I accidentally got

the wrong name tattooed on my wrist.

What do you think? Any chance it'll fade?

Sure.

As long as you got it out of a cereal box

and licked it on with your tongue.

Well, at least you didn't
get anything pierced.

Taking Nana through a metal detector

was always pretty hinky after that.

I just don't know how I'm gonna explain



this to Amy.

I truly am the world's biggest idiot.

Okay, it's official.

I truly am the world's biggest idiot.

Dude! Why does everything always have to be

a competition with you?
I'm the biggest idiot!

What are you talking about?!

Okay, yeah, maybe you win.

I just can't find Emma's paperwork.

Well, honey, just so you know,

even if you have the original receipt,

you can't return a baby.

I tried.

Twice.



I need to find the paper that Angela signed

when she left Emma on the doorstep

giving me sole custody.

I'm finally getting health insurance

for me and my dependents.

What if I can't find it?

What if I have to talk to Angela?

I haven't talked to her
since the night I made her.

I barely remember what she looks like.

Oh, and that'll make a lovely
toast at Emma's wedding.

Relax.

You gave me all important
baby-related items for safekeeping.

- You have all the papers?
- Yup.

- You can stop panicking.
- Thank you, mom.

What would I do without you?

Probably pay for childcare.

Here's your baby.

Hey.

Oh! Look at you standing up.

Daddy's little girl is
becoming daddy's big girl.

So...

What do you think we should do today?

I suggest something involving balloons.

- It's me!
- Riley?

Nice look!

Did you mug a clown?

They're a birthday present from my mother

because she loves to get me things I hate.

But, it's not your...

Oh, my God! It's your birthday!

And I knew that! Here, I got you, um...

Wow, I'm surprisingly attached

to everything in this apartment.

Well, first of all, it's tomorrow.

And second of all, I
don't really celebrate it.

So you're good.

What are you talking about?

You used to have parties all
the time when you were a kid.

If I recall, you were
quite a fan of the cake.

Well, I sorta stopped
celebrating after, you know...

After I know what?

Did something happen?

Um. No.

No, nothing happened. I'm just...

Not really that into it,
so you enjoy the balloons

and I gotta get back to work and open

a giant card signed by a
bunch of people I barely know.

"Happy birthday, Miley."

Mrs. Wheeler, hey. I got your text.

Is everything okay?

Sit down. We've got a problem.

You know those papers
I was keeping for Ben?

Oh, my God! You lost them?!

No!

They're right here.

How irresponsible do you think I am?

I just, um...

May or may not have mailed them in on time

and now Ben may or may not
have sole custody of Emma.

Closer to may not.

Ben doesn't have sole custody?!

What is wrong with you, woman?!

I don't know!

There was all the excitement
around the new baby

and, you know, plus, I
didn't have any stamps!

Look, okay,

we just need to get Angela
to resign this document

and we'll be fine.

Oh, my God. Ben is going to freak.

Wait.

What do you mean by "we"?

I thought since you're his best friend

and you're the only one
who's actually seen her...

Seen her?!

Ben pointed her out across
a crowded room and said,

"can you believe I talked
her into coming home with me?"

Tucker, you have to help me.

Okay? You're really my only hope.

Please.

Well, I can see you're desperate.

Which I enjoy, so I'm in.

Oh, Danny, I am so sorry.

I thought it was only sprained.

I had no idea it was actually broken.

When does it come off?

I can have it removed in three weeks.

The cast. Just the cast.

All right, Emma's finally asleep.

If I never hear "itsy bitsy spider" again,

I will be an itsy bitsy bit happier.

Hey, Danny, what's the deal

with Riley not wanting
to celebrate her birthday?

Are you really asking me that question?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was me.

Seriously, why does she hate it so much?

Ben, Riley hasn't celebrated her birthday

since her disastrous not-so-sweet 16.

Disastrous? What happened?

Not what happened.

Who happened.

Are you sure you wanna see this?

What's the big deal? I was there.

And I think I'd remember if
anything disastrous happened.

All right.

Yeah, mom!

All right, come on,
people. Let's get going.

I've got spin class in 20 minutes.

Bikes nailed to the floor,
like that's gonna last.

Here we come!

Careful.

Danny, where are we going?

Luckily the future,

where you gain a real mustache
and she loses a person.

Okay, I'm gonna take off the blindfold.

Surprise!

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

I always wanted a surprise party.

Thank you.

Dude, what's wrong with you?

You totally smelled her hair.

It's like you liked her or something.

Is Ben here?

Didn't he come?

Benjamin Wheeler, get over here

and wish Riley a happy birthday.

Just do it.

- Hi, Ben.
- Hey, Riles.

Happy birthday.

Oh, come on. She should
have seen that coming

when I hugged her.

Okay, so far this is definitely
my best birthday ever.

Oh, my God, is that cake?

What are you doing?

Do not tell me that you
did something to that cake.

Okay, I didn't do anything to the cake.

Okay, keep it up, buddy.

If you pull one of your
stupid little pranks,

I swear to God, I'm taking
away your dial-up Internet.

Make a wish!

Ben!

Will you please turn it off?

Riley, wait!

Wow!

I remember that being a lot funnier.

Okay, it's official.

I am the worst person that's ever lived.

I'm feeling the need to say, "oh, no, Ben.

That's not true."

But that would be a lie.

No wonder she doesn't like her birthday.

This is all my fault.

I have to do something
to make it up to her.

Bro, I'm telling you...

Just let it go.

Do I what I did with that hockey hair

and cut your losses.

Actually, try to save it with a perm first,

then cut your losses.

What? Just be glad you weren't there

for the mohawk and mutton chops phase.

Oh, no, I am.

But I'm just curious, um...

Is Riley still in love with Ben,

or was that just something
from back when they were kids?

Riley?

In love with Ben?

I don't know what video you were watching.

It was so obvious.

I mean, I'm not wrong, am I?

She might have kinda had a crush on him.

And she still really
likes him, doesn't she?

Maybe.

And, I mean, it doesn't
take a PHD to see that

Ben obviously has feelings for her.

Remember when you said to tell you
when you're acting like a therapist?

And not a girlfriend?
You're doing it again.

I'm sorry, I just don't understand
why you haven't told Ben.

Unless of course,

you're still in love with Riley.

- Hey.
- Hey, man.

How's it going?

I'm just trying to figure
out what kind of gift says

"I'm sorry I'm me."

Come on, it's not that bad.

Not that bad? I ruined her sweet sixteen.

It's no wonder I can never figure
out a way to get her to like me.

Ben,

there's something you need to know.

Dude, unless you know what I
should get her for her birthday,

it really doesn't matter.

Well, I think I know what she wants.

Really? Like what?

You.

Me?

Riley's been in love with
you since we were kids.

Are you saying that she actually likes me?!

Likes me? Has always been in like with me?

May possibly love me?

Maybe not around her birthday,

but the rest of the time, definitely a fan.

That's amazing!

But why didn't you tell me before?

Well, it might have
involved a threat to my life

and a double pinky swear.

But since you really seem to like her back,

I'm willing to face the consequences.

So... so what do I do?
Do I just go over there

and say, "Riley, it's me, Ben."

And throw myself at her?

Are there any other options?

You're right. You're right.

I need to make amends first.

I need to arrange the greatest birthday

of all time!

And then throw myself at her.

Will you help?

With the birthday, not the throwing...

That part I've got down.

Sure. Whatever you need, bro.

Thanks, man.

You're the best!

You are so good.

I can't believe you already found her.

Well, when you're as connected as I am,

it's easy.

Plus, I found her number in Ben's phone.

Okay, so she doesn't suspect anything?

Oh, no way. She's an actress.

She thinks she's coming to meet a producer

about a part in a new movie.

Oh, that's good. That's good.

Okay, so what should I be?

The writer, director? Co-star?

"I'd like to thank the academy."

Maybe on our next movie.

But for now...

You're my assistant.

I'm oddly attracted to you.

Oh, there she is.

Okay, whatever you do,

just be cool and let me do the talking.

Hi, Mr. Spielberg?

You can call me Tyrell.

Really? Tyrell Spielberg?

And this is my assistant Bonnie.

Hi hi, have a seat.

I just want you to know
that we are huge fans.

Oh, thank you. That is so nice to hear.

Especially since I've
really only done a few soaps

and that birth control commercial.

I'm sorry.

Little irony just went down the wrong way.

Uh, so what can you tell me about the part?

Well...

Obviously you'll be playing the girl.

Well, before he tells you too much more,

I'm gonna need you

to sign this non-disclosure agreement.

It's a pretty top-secret project.

- Oh...
- So I need you to sign here,

here and here, okay?

Yeah. Whoo.

All right.

What?!

What's going on?

Uh, you were just finishing
signing these papers

without asking any questions.

Wait wait. "Parental rights waiver"?

Yeah, it's a working title.

Emma? No, I already signed...

Oh, my God! You're Ben's roommate!

Hey, Angela!

Oh, my...

It is so good to see you again.

And hi, I'm Bonnie Wheeler. Ben's mom.

So great to finally meet the mother

that made this mother a grandmother.

What is the matter with you people?

Why do I have to sign these again?

Well, the paperwork didn't get
filed when it was supposed to.

Nobody knows what happened.

Well, if Ben is so irresponsible

that he lost the papers
and so immature that he

couldn't face me himself,
then maybe he's not

responsible enough to
have sole custody of Emma.

If it makes you feel any better,

we actually do a lot of the work.

Ben, is the blindfold really necessary?

Yes, it is. Today is gonna
be a day full of surprises.

Where are we going?

Did you miss the part about the surprises?

You're just gonna have to trust me.

- I do.
- Okay. Big step.

- All right.
- Okay, here, give me your purse.

- Okay.
- All right.

Now spin around.

- Okay, hold...
- You need a hand?

Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.

Okay, now have a seat.

Stop that guy!

Yeah, you better run!

Oh, no no no no no!

Are you kidding me?

Oh, this is so much fun.

I can tell already that

this is gonna be the best birthday ever.

Whoo!

How are we gonna explain this to Ben?

We? Oh, hell no! No no no.

I am so done with this "we".

You're the one who
didn't mail in the papers.

Yeah, well, you're the one who found Angela

and brought her back into our lives.

Because you made me!

You're right.

We're both equally to blame.

- Hey.
- Angela!

You came back!

You know there's not really a movie, right?

Look...

We are so sorry.

Yeah, here.

You know what? We should
have just told you the truth.

I know how hard it must have been

to give Emma up the first time.

But please believe us,

we had the right intentions.
We were doing it for Emma.

And I get that.

That's why I gave her up.

You know, and it was hard,

but she needed a home and a family

and people that care about her.

Clearly, she has that.

- Oh, she means us.
- Oh, right, yeah.

Thank you.

Look, my life is kinda all over the place.

Um, so I'm prepared to make you a deal.

I'll sign the papers and
disappear on one condition.

What's that?

I just wanna see a
picture of my little girl.

That's all.

Of course.

She's gotten so big.

And she's so beautiful.

She sure is.

Here, use my pen.

Surprise!

Not yet. Has anyone heard from Riley?

I kinda lost her.

What do you mean you lost her?

We had a plan.

It's a long story.

- Okay, sorry, we're late.
- Surprise!

Aww.

See, I told you people think
Riley and I are sisters.

Did we beat the birthday girl?

Damn.

Hey, you wanna come back in like an hour?

I like to make an entrance.

Found those papers you needed.

See? Right here.

All signed.

Just like they were suppo...

Were. Always had been.

Thank you, but not really
important right now.

Riley's in the city somewhere

with no wallet, no keys and no phone.

Add bad judgment and a leotard,
and that was me in the '80s.

Okay.

I've gotta keep looking.

If anyone hears anything, let me know.

Dude.

- What's going on?
- I didn't mean to.

I was just trying to do
something great and then...

Oh, my God! What is the matter with you?!

This... this is exactly
why I didn't wanna tell you.

Because I knew that you would screw it up.

No matter how great or funny or amazing

you thought it was going to be,

at the end of the day, I
knew you were gonna hurt her!

- That's not true.
- Ben!

Let's face it, you don't deserve her.

So then who does, Danny?

Who does?

Amy, that's not what I was saying.

No, I... I think it was.

I'm sorry, I don't...

I don't think I can do this anymore.

So I think I'm just gonna, um,

get my purse and go.

Surprise!

Amy, wait. Just for a sec.

- Danny, what is she...
- Surprise!

Okay, seriously, people, give it a rest.

Ben Wheeler! You are a dead man.

Riley, you're okay!

No no no, I'm not okay.

By the time I finally
realized that you ditched me,

I was in the Bronx. The Bronx, Ben.

I had to beg people for money

who were already begging people for money.

Look, I have no idea
what your whole plan was,

but this is officially
the worst birthday ever!

Okay, now would actually be a good time.

Surprise!

What is going on?

This is your surprise party.

Look, Riley, I'm so so
sorry. This wasn't the plan.

Central park, a carriage ride.

Rowboat on the lake and then
the party you always wanted.

That was the plan.

Well...

That I might have liked.

Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't do this.

I'm not done.

Oh, really? What else do you have planned?

This may be the dumbest
thing I've ever done.

Okay.

Officially...

The best birthday ever.

Happy Birthday, Riley.

Angela?

Hi, Ben.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't do it.

Once your mom showed me her picture,

I couldn't walk away again.

I'm sorry, but I think I want Emma back.

So you're actually okay

with your brother and Riley being together?

Yeah.

Why wouldn't I be?

It was kinda my idea.

Look, I'm really sorry about you and Amy.

Yeah. Me too.

I just she would have broken up with me

before I got this.