Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 6 - Episode #5.6 - full transcript

(Jenna) Previously on Awkward...

- That's just the engagement party
- _

that you're hosting tomorrow night.

She doesn't love him and she never did!

I need to tell you something about Matty.

He... loves... you!

(Jenna) What did Gabby know that I didn't?

Jenna, it's time for your speech.

What speech?

Is it possible that you know who

you're meant to be with from the start?



(Jenna) T's party had
left both of us reeling,

me from Gabby's revelation that
Matty still had feelings for me,

and T from the end of her engage... mish.

I couldn't think of a better
way to deal with these bombshells

then pigs in a blanket and season
four of Sex and the City.

You may have blown up my engagement,

but at least your mom has all
of Sex and the City on DVD.

Hopefully it'll take my mind
off my ex in the Marines.

Carrie, take me away.

[porn music]

The [bleep]?

(woman on DVD) As Charla was going uptown,

I was going way down.

(man on DVD) They don't
call me Mr. Big for nothing!



Ew, stop it! Stop it!

Sexin' the Titties?

"Lace, thought we could watch
this one together. Love, Kev."

Ew.

[keys clacking]

Why would your dad put his
porn in with the normal DVDs?

Keep the ish in your nasty
drawer with your motion lotion.

I don't even want to think about it.

Let's just be grateful
we found the real DVDs.

[gasp] Oh, my God. Jenna.

What if... what if Adam is my
Mr. Big, and I just let him go?

Oh, T.

He might have been the love of my life

and I just let him walk away.

Come on, do you really
think "the one" is a thing?

I mean, I think there are
lots of loves in your life.

No, there's one, and for
me it might have been Adam.

I'm never gonna meet a
guy like him ever again!

I'm going to end up marrying
some dude who should have

been a one night bland, and
yeah, we'll stay together

for the kids, but there
will be no real passion,

and we'll both end up having
affairs with our tennis pros.

I can't do this, Jenna!
I hate court sports!

Okay, take it down a little.

Carrie and Big spent some time apart,

and they eventually got back together.

I mean, maybe you can get him back, too.

- You think so?
- Of course.

You're right. I can win Adam back,

and it is not going to take
me six seasons to do it.

I'm going to go get him right now.

(Jenna voice-over) Tamara couldn't leave.

Because if Tamara left, I'd have no choice

but to think about whether
Matty still had feelings for me,

and I did not want to think about that.

Besides, it made no sense for T to go now.

Adam's base was hella far.

T, it's 11:00, and his base is hours away.

Just wait and call him in the morning.

I can't call him in the morning, Jenna.

It's love, it can't wait.

Nothing good happens after midnight.

- Calm down.
- Don't tell me to calm down!

This is all your...

Okay, this is at least half your fault.

Why aren't you being
supportive of this relationship?

Because it's not real.

T, you got engaged to a guy
you met two hours earlier,

and strung him along for months
because you loved playing bride!

It was all a sham!

Really? And what would you
know about a real relationship?

Uh, what is that supposed to mean?

You [bleep] up all your relationships.

Okay, no, I don't.

You are too short to ride
that LOL-lercoaster, Jenna.

You have sabotaged every relationship

you have ever been in.

That is extremely untrue
and incredibly mean.

I say this with all the love in the world,

but you are a relationship saboteur.

And I don't want to
follow in your footsteps.

Honestly, the fact that you don't think

I should go after Adam
means I definitely should.

[door closes]

[voice-mail tone]

Hey babe, I'm on my way to your base,

and I can't wait to see
you and explain to you

why I've been acting like I ordered

a Venti DumDum Spice
Latte from Bizarrebucks.

You're totally going to laugh. It's so us.

[Donora's Take My Heart playing]

♪ I was meant to find you ♪

♪ I was meant to fall in love ♪

(Jenna voice-over) I was trying
to focus on Carrie and company,

but I couldn't get what
Tamara had said out of my mind.

Was I really a relationship saboteur?

[knocks]

Oh, my God, was Matty here?

Was he going to act on those
feelings Gabby told me about?

I wasn't ready for this.

Hey, is Gabby here?

She outran me and then texted me

she was going to sleep at your place.

Well, she texted me "Slap win at Jerma's"

with some winking emojis,
but I got kind of worried.

I haven't seen her since the party.

Well, right after the party,

when she was running
through my yard pantsless.

[bleep]. Okay, thanks.

Hey, while you're here, quick question.

- Okay.
- Uh, we used to go out, and...

Oh, my God. We did, didn't we?

I know, right? It was, like, forever ago.

Yeah, we never talk about it anymore.

Listen, I'm probably being
crazy, and this is probably

a dumb question, but... was I
the reason we didn't work out?

It was a long time ago.
It doesn't matter now.

Wait, so that's a no?

No.

Maybe you weren't
completely honest with me.

But, whatever.

It's not like you treated me
differently than anyone else.

What does that mean?

I don't have time to detail all
of the drama that you caused.

I gotta go find my girlfriend,

and if she's not here, where is she?

♪ You were meant to fall in love ♪

♪ You were meant to catch me ♪

♪ And you were meant to take, take my ♪

♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪

[both screaming]

What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?
- It's my friggin' car!

Oh, the last thing I remember is
being so tired at Jenna's house

and your car looked so comfortable.

Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.

No, do not ralph-and-roll
all over my upholstery.

My mom will go full American Psycho.

There's a plastic bag full of plastic bags

under the passenger seat.

- Can you just take me home?
- Totally.

We're just going to run
a quick errand first.

Mm.

(Jenna voice-over) I'd
gotten a lot of news tonight,

and I couldn't help but
wonder, was any of it true?

Did Matty still love me?

Why did that freak me out?

Was it because I was bad at relationships?

Is there such a thing as "the one?"

And just how many pigs in a blanket

is it okay to eat before bedtime?

At times like these, a girl can't get by

without a little help from her friends.

(all) Hi!

[Latin jazz music]

[Latin jazz music]

♪ ♪

So, Gabby said Matty's
still in love with me.

Yay! This is such great news.

I just read a book that
said high school sweethearts

make the best husbands.

No one's talking about husbands.

I don't even know if I
still have feeling for him.

I mean, sure, I did love
him, but the past is the past.

The past is never dead.
The past isn't even past.

That's what Abraham Lincoln said.

I don't think Abraham Lincoln said that.

Oh, yeah? Then who said it?

Back to the Baberaham Lincoln at hand,

honey, Matty doesn't love you.

Why would he? He's a
catch and you're a snatch

who ruins all her relationships.

I'm great at relationships.
I've had tons of boyfriends.

[laughter]

If you were great at relationships,

you'd only have one.

Face it, you've blown up every
one of your relationships.

You're like an emotional suicide bomber.

That's not true. I'm always getting dumped.

Yeah, because you [bleep] it up.

Go ask some of your dumb
exes if you don't believe us.

(Jenna voice-over) At times
like this, a girl has to wonder,

why is there a man dressed as
a hotdog outside her window?

They say past actions
are the best predictor

of future behavior.

And so, before I turn my attention

to the subject of Gabby's gabbin',

I couldn't help but wonder,

am I the reason my relationships fail?

Um, yeah.

♪ ♪

[sigh]

I thought you said we were
running a quick errand.

- We are.
- We've been driving for hours.

Just stay in the car and be cool, okay?

We'll be home in no time.

Okay, so you haven't
picked up the phone yet

or responded to any of
my ten messages, 33 texts,

or seven sexts, which the
last one was pretty hot.

But that's okay, because I'm here.

Like, literally, I'm
outside. See you in a min.

Jake? I'm with Tamara.

I don't know, I'm literally
in the middle of a desert,

and it's dark and scary and
I think she's lost her mind.

Don't yell. I'm still so drunk.

- Can I help you?
- I'm here to win back

the love of my life, Adam Walker.

So should I just head to his barracks,

or should I do a Say
Anything scenario out here,

or, oh, is there, like,

a super romantic restaurant on base?

There's no visitors on base
between midnight and 6 a.m.

Totally, that makes good sense.

Um, I'm not a visitor,
I'm an estranged fiancé.

There's no visitors on base
between midnight and 6 a.m.

[sigh]

- So, can we go?
- Not until I've seen Adam.

We're gonna stay here all night.

Let me out! Let me out!

- [horn honking]
- Let me out! Let me out!

[sighs]

♪ ♪

What are you talking about?

I didn't sabotage my relationship with you.

You dumped me!

[laughs] Jenna, you left me

standing in 20-degree weather
on the side of a mountain

after you begged me to meet you there.

That's not fair.

Eva had taken Matty off somewhere and...

See, that's it, right there.

You rescued Matty at Mr. PHHS,

and then even though I came up
to that mountain to be with you,

you couldn't resist getting
involved with him and Eva.

But neither of those were my fault.

My friends were having so much drama,

and I just got sucked into it.

But the thing is, you
didn't have to get sucked in.

You wanted to. You always had one foot

out of our relationship.

- Luke.
- It's okay, I get it.

If you never go all the way
in, you can never get hurt.

I was hurt when we broke up.

You were bummed.

But you were kissing
someone else a week later.

Listen, Jenna, I think
you're a really good person.

Would you please stop saying that?

But if you can't go all-in,

you shouldn't be in a serious relationship.

What is Luke even talking about?

Serious relationship are my jam.

The fact that you think that
is sadder than that tutu.

You're a total bummerina.

I'm not, I kind of
think I'm pulling it off.

The only thing you're
pulling off is your clothes

every time you meet
someone with a Y-chromosome.

- And you know why?
- Because I'm in love with love.

Because you're in love with the drama.

Like when you dated that
sweet sophomore goober

with the crush on you.

Why don't you try talking to him?

I'm not addicted to drama.

I'm not that slutty.

I look great in a tutu.

Okay, Jake will be here in a few hours.

He's freaking out about not getting

a solid eight hours of sleep.

[laughs] He still does that?

Oh, my God, I've never met someone

who's more insane about it.

Well, except for actual toddlers.

[laughs] Oh.

I feel like raw ass.

My stomach's launching a
coup against the rest of me.

Yeah, there's nothing worse than
being awake for the transition

from drunk to hung-over.

Here.

Okay, you have a full Walgreen's
worth of stuff in your car.

Well, you never know
what you're going to need.

I can't believe we're stuck here until six.

- I have an idea.
- Show the guard my boobs?

I thought about that, but this dress is

too complicated to undo.

Disturbing, and no.

Give me a minute.

[pop music playing]

♪ ♪

Hi, my friend and I need
to talk to Adam Walker.

It's urgent.

Yeah, I'm sure it is,
but as I told your friend,

there's no visitors until 6 a.m.

Who's talking about visiting?
We would just be so happy

if he could come down here
and talk to us outside base.

Why don't you just call him yourself?

I would, but my... my
phone doesn't have service,

and my friend is having an emergency.

I mean, look at her.

[singing]

[sobbing]

Okay, all right, all right.

If I call him, would you stop crying?

Yes.

Ha-ha-ha!

♪ Take my ha, ha, ha, ha ♪

[fake sobbing]

(Jenna voice-over) Maybe Sadie was right.

Maybe I had more drama than
a whole Taylor Swift album.

But that's just in serious relationships.

When things were more
casual, the drama was dunzo.

I didn't need to ask the little sophomore.

There was no drama with Owen.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?

What? I thought what we had was simple.

Maybe for you, because you weren't in it.

I for one found the whole thing
very dramatic and stressful.

I didn't realize you felt that way.

Because you never really
listened to anything I said.

And you took my V-card, and
then you could hardly look at me.

- Come on, I liked you.
- No, you didn't.

You liked the validation.
Think about it, Jenna.

You only kissed me because you thought

Matty was kissing someone else.

And you only slept with
me because you were sad

you didn't get into SCU.

It was never about me. It was about you.

- I'm sorry.
- Whatever, I gotta go.

I'm working on a new
piece, classical music.

Very exciting. It's chords, pianos,

musical notes of... of some sort.

What are you talking about?
Are you having a stroke?

You don't know enough
about music for your brain

to actually understand what I'd say here.

I told you, you never really listened.

(Jenna voice-over) I couldn't
deny that my relationship with Owen

had been based on the fact that

he made me feel good about myself.

But was that true of
my other relationships?

Was I vali-dating?

Yeah, Jenna. You were.

Yay! I thought you'd be

all doom and gloom up in your room,

but you came down!

Okay, Withholding Warren over here.

Look, I know I messed up, and I
that things got out of control,

but what you need to understand is that

I didn't realize what I was doing.

I thought you were shipping
out, and I had just read this

Rev War-themed romance novel,
One If By Land, Two If By We.

Totally recommend.

And I was just in a really

super patriotic place emotionally.

And, you know, everybody
always says that we need to

support our troops, and I love our country.

I mean, everybody's always
saying that about me.

I'm like Betsy Ross in a miniskirt, so...

Tamara, you took my grandmother's ring.

You are so full of [bleep].

Adam, come on.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

[hip-hop music]

(Collin) Listen, Jenna.

We all know why you dated me.

Temporary psychosis?

Because I made you feel
smart. Plus, I'm irresistible.

Was irresistible.

As in, irresistible in the past.

Well, you know what they
say, the past is never dead.

The past isn't even past.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

- That's not who said that.
- Then who is?

Anyway, I'm loving college.

So full of intellectuals.

Nothing like PHHS.

I'd say present company excluded.

I feel like my writing
is really in a new place.

I'm working on this
novel, it's like Ayn Rand

meets Jeff Eugenides.

The hero, he's tormented
by his love for two women.

There's a gorgeous but
troubled woman who yearns to be

half the talent the
hero is, and a gorgeous,

but quirky girl who's jealous of the hero.

That sounds terrible. Also, those two women

sound like the same character.

[laughs] It's serious literature, Jenna.

You wouldn't understand.
I mean, you're having

a Sex and the City dream.

It's not exactly Franzen, is it?

Okay, just because women like something,

doesn't make it frivolous.

Wait, this is a dream.
I can do whatever I want.

Oh! Jenna!

Stop trying to turn me on.

Ugh, you are literally a nightmare person.

Why did I ever like you?

Because he wasn't me.

♪ ♪

Did you see that?

I couldn't stop watching.

It was like a car accident.

How can he be such a cold front

when all I'm trying to do

is bask him in my sunshine?

Honestly, why wouldn't he be?

You let the guy think you
were going to marry him,

and now you're barely
even saying you're sorry.

I was apologizing.

No, you were trying to coast on the fact

that you're cute and charming.

But when you really hurt someone,

you have to do better than that.

[sighs]

[Latin jazz music]

♪ ♪

"Because he wasn't me."

Can you believe it?

- Yeah, I can believe it.
- For sure.

You should just go talk to Matty.

He's your one.

He's not my one!

That's not even a thing.

Fine, then go tell him
you're not in love with him.

No! Jenna, believe in love!

Come on, Jenna, you're
always complaining about

what a [bleep] inconvenience
it is to have Matty McKibben

in love with you, so why don't
you just go and shut it down?

Fine. I will.

Hey, kid.

Matty, you were right.

I only hooked up with Collin

because he was everything you
weren't, including an [bleep].

Jenna, listen. I have
to tell you something.

No, you don't.

No, I do. I still... want to be with you.

[pop music]

You still want to be with me?

[drill sergeant shouting]

(Tamara) Adam!

Adam!

Adam! Adam Walker!

Please listen to me!

This had better be quick.

It will be. I promise.

Listen. You're right.

I screwed up, big time.

I lied to you, and I hurt you,

and I never should have
accepted your proposals.

Especially the second one.

Especially this.

♪ ♪

Hey. Are you ready?

Shh! I'm watching.

I didn't break it off before
because we are so good together.

And I didn't want to lose that.

I didn't want to lose you.

It took ending our
engagement for me to realize

that I love you, but I
do, I really, really do,

and I just wanna start over.

Please, can we start over?

Thanks for the apology.

I appreciate it.

But I can't do this.

I'm not some yo-yo that
you can just jerk around.

Adam.

Adam, come on!

♪ ♪

♪ You're like a blizzard ♪

♪ ♪

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, it's okay.

It's okay. You're gonna be okay.

Hey, I'm sorry.

So... you guys want to get a room?

- Jake!
- Raunchy Rosati!

I meant to sleep! I'm so tired.

Well, I mean, unless there's

something else you guys want to do.

Stop!

It was worth a shot.

Come on.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

What are you doing here?
I already talked to you.

We're here so you can realize

what you've been hiding from all year.

No, no, no, that's okay.

Ah. Comfy.

Put it together, Jenna.

Come on, you got this.

No, this is... this is too weird.

I have to leave.

Okay, no. Not you too.

Come on, Hamildunce.
Even you're good enough

at math to add this one up.

I'm sorry, Jenna, but even I get it.

Oh, I figured it out.

That quote about the past
was by William Faulkner.

Duh, I should've known that one.

Okay, uh, good dream, guys.

Thanks for the help, but you can go now.

[door opens]

♪ ♪

You sabotaged our relationship

because you were still into Matty.

You only dated me because
I was different than Matty

You were in love with the drama,

because it led you back to Matty.

You never would have kissed me

unless you thought Matty
was kissing someone else.

What does it all add up to, Jenna?

♪ You, your heart is golden ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's Matty.

I've never stopped
being in love with Matty.

I love Matty.

(Jenna voice-over) The sun
was up, and I was more awake

than I'd been in a long time.

And for once, I was going
to do something about it.

(Jenna) Next on Awkward...

What was the right outfit to
tell someone you love them?

So, you gonna tell me
what's behind that smile?

- Saturday.
- Back on spring break,

Matty came to the house looking for you,

and I sent him away, and
told him to leave you alone.

Why would you do that?

The time for shipping Matty
and Jenna has sailed and sunk.