Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Dis-Engagement Dinner - full transcript

Previously on Awkward...

- You accepted a real
ring? - I couldn't say no.

He was gonna break up with you.

He said he was still into Jenna.

You can't hurt me because you are Jake,

and I'm Matty [bleep] McKibben.

That over there, that is weird.

(Jenna) Ever since Spring
Break, senior year had been

about taking things a
little less seriously.

Instead of worrying about GPAs
and college acceptance letters,

we'd be filling our calendars



- with parties and pranks.
- _

But for some of us, our
calendar was a reminder

of all the things we
weren't following through on.

[clears throat] Tamara, you have been

not breaking up with
Adam for three weeks now.

Valid point, Judge
Moody, but in my defense,

I have a legit reason for
every one of those days.

I had a horrendo zit on that day.

Adam worked out in front of me on that day.

Adam worked out in front of me on that day.

You know, I totally
thought I was anti-sweat.

Turns out I'm totally pro-persp.

Tamara, you can't keep up
this fake-bride act forever,

and I sure as hell can't keep
up this fake-maid-of-honor act.



I don't understand why
you can't just end it.

Unless...

Are you in love with him?

[scoffs] As if.

He's a great guy, Jenna,

but I am a 17-year-old
girl who has a whole future

of having sex with guys who
just worked out ahead of her.

I'm going to end the engagement, I swear.

[cell phone chimes]

"Count me in. Can I bring a plus-one?"

What does that mean?

[cell phone chimes]

"See you tomorrow night."
What are they talking about?

Oh, that. That's just the engagement party

that you're hosting tomorrow night.

Aw, you're the best maid of honor ever.

[cell phone chimes]

Tamara!

Tamara, get back here.

Take a chill pill, Solange Knowles.

What is all this crap?

Wedding cake designs,
table assignment chart,

fabric swatches?

You had save-the-dates printed?

Get your hands off my STDs.

Oh, suddenly, it all makes sense.

- What does?
- You are in love.

Already been over this.

With wedding planning.

Oh, please.

Not just in love, obsessed,

addicted to place settings
and designer invites.

This one smells like lavender.

T, you have to stop this. It's not right.

It's embarrassing.

Oh, cinnamon. Stop it.

They're like Kettle chips.
Once you start, you can't stop.

You have to be honest with Adam.

[sighs] You're right.

It's just this engagement
party was Adam's idea,

and he's so excited to
meet all of my friends.

T, he thinks he's marrying you. Call him.

He's already in the car.
What if he drives off a cliff?

Fine, then when he gets here.

Okay. "Hi, Adam.

"Thanks for driving two
hours to our engagement party.

"These are my friends.

"So I don't love you, but, please,

help yourself to a chicken croquette."

(Jenna) Tamara had a point,

an idiotic one, but still, a point.

She had let things go too far with Adam,

and getting out of it at this exact moment

was not going to be easy.

I'll break up with him in the morning.

It'll be better over brunch... a brunch-up.

I promise. Just, please, as my BFF,

help me get through this party.

Adam is so looking forward to it,

and he's probably sitting
in traffic on the 405.

Fine.

This means so much to me, Jenna.

I hated when she pulled the BFF card,

but this time, there
were going to be limits.

Fine, but it ends tomorrow.

No more living in your
deranged wedding fantasy land.

Tomorrow is truth and reality land.

So where are we having this thing?

- Your house.
- What?

Chillax. Your mom said she's cool with it.

She and your dad are
heading down to San Diego

for the weekend for a pre-baby bone-a-thon

now that your mom's nausea has died down.

Lacey confides in me.

Plus, she's so excited for my engagement,

which is great, because
there's no way in hell

I can tell my mom.

Also, hello. You're maid of honor.

_

What's it take to be number one?

Some are just born with it,

but there's a whole bunch of
other junk that helps too...

dedication, protein bars...

You nervous, babe?

No, not at all, just bored.

Jake, you're sweating
through a suit jacket.

Okay, yeah. I'm a little nervous.

This scholarship would be huge for me.

Ten grand... it could decide
what school I get to go to.

You deserve this scholarship...

your grades, the extra
work you've been putting in.

You've been killing it on the soccer field.

You got this.

You think so?

Yeah, just fix your tie

so you don't embarrass me
when you give your speech.

(Pete) Also, I want to say big ups
to Jesus and Quest Protein Bars.

This award is for you guys. Whoo!

[cheers and applause]

Congrats, Peter.

Now, for the Ryan O'Connell
Scholar Athletic Award.

Matty McKibben.

[applause]

Hey. Uh, wow.

This... I mean, this
is really... It's cool.

So, yeah.

- Thanks.
- [applause]

Now, for the Chester A. Arthur Award

for Aerobic Kickboxing...

[keys clacking]

Why are you so dressed up?

It's an engagement party.

I'm being respectful.

Aw, how sweet.

The two losers throwing the
party will be so surprised

when someone shows them respect.

Maybe I'll wear deodorant.

How's the housing application coming?

- "Smoker"? You don't smoke.
- Yeah.

I don't snore either,

but if I don't want to
end up sharing a room

with some sea slug who smells like butt

and hides weird cheeses
under her bed, I have to lie.

It's the surest way to a single.

My aunt has this thing called night terrors

where she screams in her sleep.

My Uncle Bralio has to sleep
in the pantry most nights.

I am totally using that, along with IBS.

What's that?

Irritable bow... Let's not talk about it.

I might want to have sex again later.

(Jenna) All addicts need an enabler,

and my BFF wedding
planner was no exception.

All I had to do was kick
back with a few friends

and get through one more night of lies.

[wacky lounge music]

Piece of cake.

This is what you brought
to my engagement party...

a pizza that you ate two slices out of?

I didn't realize it was
gonna be so elaborate.

I thought it was just gonna be

a bunch of high-school kids getting drunk.

But it's the last night of your fantasy,

so I'm glad you went all out.

So why are these butterflies in jars?

Those are party favors.
There's two in each jar.

One represents Adam, and one represents me.

[doorbell rings]

Ooh, that must be Adam and Brian.

I mean Adam.

[laughing] Oh, my God.

- Brian's coming?
- T?

Turns out he's the best man, Jenna.

This is so uncomfortable for me.

Okay. Take it down a notch.

So you let Brian station
his soldier in your camp,

and then you both shipped off.

The feeling was mutual.

You said it yourself, so what's the ish?

The ish is I don't know
if the feeling was mutual.

He's called me, like, four times since,

and I sort of never called back.

[doorbell rings]

You've put me in a really bad position, T.

Well, don't be all mad at me.

You would have known he was coming

if you would've checked the
invite that you sent out.

Also, is that what you're wearing?

Welcome. Come in.

Deviled egg?

I hope it's okay that I brought a friend.

Since Matty ruined his life
by being a drunken knob,

no one would come with
him, and knowing this party

guaran-[bleep]-teed to be epically sad,

there was no way I was missing it.

So happy to be here.

Oh, and I brought a plus-one.

Deal.

Thank you for having us.

- You'll make a beautiful bride.
- Okay.

Everyone help yourself to a
glass of wine on the way in.

I'll take a beer if you have it.

Uh, this isn't a kegger, McKibben.

Oh, what up?

Are we about to get Cr...

Crazy?

I knew tonight was gonna be good.

Welcome. Thanks for helping
us begin our lives together.

Help yourself to a glass of wine.

I'll grab a beer if you have it.

We're having wine.

Everybody's having wine!

(Jenna) The secret to being a
great host to Tamara's party tonight

was that everything was a secret.

The first secret was that Tamara
was actually hosting the party.

The second was that the wedding

we were honoring with
deviled eggs and butterflies

was never going to happen.

And since I'm a really bad liar,

I knew the only way I had a prayer

of keeping that secret was
to avoid Adam at all costs.

Hey, Jenna.

How's my BGBFF?

Best Girl's Best Friend Forever?

You know, Tamara has
that whole language thing

I'm trying to keep up with.

Yeah. Known her my whole
life and still only know half.

I'll be honest... I wake up every morning

looking forward to learning
something new from her.

You might want to sleep in tomorrow.

Huh?

It's just my weird little sense of humor.

[chuckles] You're funny.

I look forward to a lot more laughs.

Yeah. We're gonna need them.

Quick favor... I don't
mean to plan too far ahead.

That is a good plan.

It was torture, like that exercise

where someone tells you not
to think about an elephant,

and then all you can
think about is elephants.

I'm making a slideshow for the wedding,

and I need some of T's baby pics.

- Can I get her mom's number?
- Gabby, my girl.

I brought cheese balls.

- I don't know why.
- Are you okay?

You seem a little...

Drunk? Just say it, Jenna.

- You can be honest.
- I really can't.

It's a slippery slope for me tonight.

The idea of spending a
whole night with my ex

who I cheated on with my current boyfriend

who once dated both of the girls

who are throwing the party...

Yeah, I don't drink often,

but tonight I did a little pre-gaming.

Wow. Look at you.

Jenna, come here. Come... come here.

I need to tell you something
about you and Matty.

- What?
- Hey, Jenna.

Hey, big guy.

"Big guy." My dad calls me "big guy."

Well, I guess now you
and him both call me that,

which isn't weird or anything.

- So, uh, how are things?
- Things are good.

It's a nice party you got going on here.

Pretty happy for those two, huh?

I mean, it seemed kind of fast at first,

but I'd bet anything they're in
it for the long haul, you know?

Yeah. They're in for it.

So I, um, called you a couple times.

Oh, listen, I'm sorry.

I just wanted to get your thoughts

- on an engagement present.
- Oh.

My buddy's got a resort up north,

and he said he could
get us a deal on a suite.

It'd only be, like, 400 bucks.

I just wanted to see if
you'd go in on it with me.

400 bucks for the lovebirds.

You know what? Actually, I think
I'm just gonna do my own thing,

if that's okay.

Jenna, the fondue is chunky.

Uh, got to go. I'm on
fondue duty, fond-duty.

[laughs] Jenna, you are funny as [bleep].

Jenna, chunky fondue.

This is stupid.

Awesome. Let's get the [bleep] out of here.

No. I mean, Matty and I acting like idiots.

I'm going to congratulate
him on his scholarship,

try to end this stupid fight.

Okay. I'll just wait
here with all your pals

and all the women you slept with.

Hey.

Just want to say congrats.

Oh, thanks.

It's only ten grand. It's no big deal.

"No big deal"? Yeah.

I guess ten grand is no big deal

when you're Matty [bleep] McKibben.

- [sighs]
- Hey, everybody.

It looks like someone put a wish

in the Tamara and Adam wish bowl.

Um, what the [bleep] is that?

Shh. Jesus, Sadie.

It's when someone writes
a wish for our future

and puts it in the bowl.

Take it out and read it, honey.

[clears throat]

Ooh. That's spit-up food, I'm pretty sure.

Okay, you classless asses.

Who spit in the napkin?

I got a wish for us, T.

My wish would be...

a future wrapped in your arms.

(Tamara) Jenna, where are you?
The apps need to circulate.

Jenna!

(Jenna) The only thing
I cared about circulating

was enough alcohol through my system

to deal with the guilt
of lying all evening.

Boo, bitch! [giggles]

You have to get down on
this three-bean salad.

It is my jam.

Gabby, so, um, I'm just curious.

That thing you were talking
about earlier, about Matty?

Oh. You want to know the secret?

I don't know. Do I?

He lo... lo... lo... loves you.

Ow.

What are you saying?

I don't believe you.

It's true.

What's true? Just... just spill it.

[vomits]

(Jenna) And she spilled.

[coughing]

(Jenna) I had spent the entire
party trying to keep secrets,

but now I was on a mission to hear one.

Gabby clearly knew something about Matty,

and if I couldn't get a
straight answer from her,

I was going straight to the source.

♪ I knew it ♪

♪ There is nothing that
will keep you with me ♪

Hey, big guy.

(Jenna) Why the hell
did I keep saying that?

Need some company?

I really messed things up with us.

We were really good together.

What are you saying?

I guess I'm saying that
I miss the way we were.

I think... I don't know.

I think I kind of love...

- You do?
- Him.

What? Who?

Jake.

Not, like, romantically,
just like a brother.

Yeah. No. Completely.

I just, um... You should tell him.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

People should say how they
feel when they feel it.

- They need to communicate.
- Damn right.

And don't tell people I said I loved Jake,

or I'll be really pissed.

♪ How you have tried ♪

♪ To let it go and find your... ♪

Jenna, who should be inside, hosting,

it's time for your speech.

What speech? I don't have a speech.

So the happy couple...

my best friend, Tamara Kaplan and Adam...

Walker.

Walker, right.

So these guys, huh? Yeah,
just really going for it.

Just going right in. Wow.

You know, some people
might call them crazy,

or, you know, some people might even say,

I don't know, stupid,

but they're teenagers, you know, 17 and 19.

I mean, what?

And these people might
have a point or not at all

because these two are
gonna be married forever,

and no doubt about it... teenagers.

It's crazy.

But is it?

Or is it possible

that you can know who you're
meant to be with from the start,

and maybe we just let a bunch of things

like not saying how we
really feel get in the way,

and, you know, maybe it
is better to wait and see

if fate brings us back around
in this crazy merry-go-round

that seems to spin endlessly,

making us want to barf in the process.

And, you know, does fate really exist?

And if so,

why even bother, you know?

She is losing what's left
of her tiny, pathetic mind.

To the beautiful couple.

I hope I'm lucky enough one
day to find what you have.

Cheers.

[glasses clinking]

This is so [bleep] stupid.

We're at an engagement party
for two teenage dip[bleep].

Like this is gonna last. Please.

Speak it, Shady.

Knock it off, Sadita.

Why are you being so precious?

She's going to college next year,

and you know that the
minute she gets there,

she's gonna be in a frat-bro sandwich

before she can even crack a book.

Marriage is for simple-minded asshats.

Where are you going?

Bitches be tripping.

[chuckles]

- Hey...
- Listen...

Listen...

I messed everything up.

It's okay. Don't. I kind of...

Dude, let me finish.

We both did some stuff.

You know how I... I mean you and me...

You don't have to. You don't have to.

I mean, you and me were like... I want to.

Bro, I know.

It's chill.

- We cool?
- Yeah, totally.

Good, 'cause I...

I know. And I...

Oh, I know.

[man speaking indistinctly on television]

Okay. What'd I do?

- You're rude.
- News flash.

Like this is the first time you've noticed?

It's the first time I've been
called a simple-minded asshat.

I was saying that about people who...

Oh, come on.

Are you saying you're
one of those people who...

Wait, are you saying you want...

Jesus, Sadita, don't flatter yourself.

Oh, thank God. I thought
you were about to...

As if. We've known each
other for, like, five minutes.

Then why?

Because someday I do want to get married.

- Not to you.
- Why not to me?

Because you're rude.

Fair.

And when it's right between two people,

I think it's a nice thing.

You are simple.

Where I'm from, getting married

is how you show someone that you love them.

Where I'm from, getting married

is when you start to hate each other.

I swear, my dad went to jail
just to get away from my mom,

and I don't count on it
being any different for me.

So what do you count on?

My future.

It's the only thing I can count on.

And I count on mine.

You should.

I do.

So does this mean you're not
gonna have sex with me later?

Maybe if you beg.

[scoffs] I wouldn't count on it.

I would.

Oh, thanks for saving me out there.

Yeah. Are you always like this?

Oh. Sorry my speech was bad.

No. I'm not just talking about
the thoughtless speech, Jenna.

All you've been doing today

is been making rude
faces at Adam and Tamara.

See, it's that face right there.

Why are you so unsupportive of them?

It's your best friend in
love with my best friend.

- Because she's not!
- Okay. What do you mean?

- Why would you say that?
- Because it's the truth, Brian.

They had this fun little thing in Mexico,

and she got carried away
and agreed to marry him

because she thought he'd be shipping off

before she ever had to go through with it,

and she got all caught
in these wedding details,

and she doesn't love
him, and she never did.

Jenna.

She never did.

Is that true?

Tamara, I am so sorry.

Pigs in a blanket, anyone?

T, I messed up everything,

and you have every right to be mad at me.

I don't know how I feel.

I'm mad at you. I'm mad at me.

And I feel horrible that
I hurt him because I...

[bleep]. [bleep].

[bleep], [bleep], [bleep].

- What?
- I love him.

- Tamara, no...
- Don't do that.

Don't tell me I don't, because I do.

I love him. I love Adam.

I might love wedding planning,
but I can love Adam too.

I have enough love in my heart for both.

- T.
- Don't "T" me, Jenna.

I'm pissed.

I'm sorry.

Not at you, at me. [sniffles]

I'm the one that acted like an idiot,

and now the guy I love just
walked out of my life forever.

Okay, I guess I'm pissed at you too.

I can be pissed at you and be pissed at me.

I have enough anger and despair for both.

I have to let the butterflies go.

(Jenna) I felt terrible about
sabotaging Tamara's relationship,

but it was the thought
of another relationship

that was starting to give me butterflies.

Did Matty really have feelings for me?

[girl laughing]

And was that Gabby in
my yard with no pants on?

Next on Awkward...

What if Adam is my Mr.
Big, and I just let him go?

Calm down.

You are a relationship saboteur.

(Jenna) Am I the reason
my relationships fail?

I don't have time to detail all
of the drama that you caused.

I got to go find my girlfriend,

and if she's not here, where is she?

[both scream]

- What are you doing here?
- [knock at door]

Was Matty here? I wasn't ready for this.