Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 20 - Episode #5.20 - full transcript
Previously on "Awkward"...
Hey, Jenna, did you write
a super-detailed post
about our relationship on Idea Bin?
You had no right to do this.
I want my article taken down.
"He will always be my first true love
and that's something you never forget."
There's a red eye for $300.
I can't believe it's already time
to think about your
ticket back to school.
Where did the summer go?
I'm working, you're studying,
my skin saw more sun in Maine
than it does in California
and I barely spend any time with Morgan.
- That's probably a good thing.
- Wait, what?
See, I knew you didn't
trust me with her.
I'll hold her for, like, 10 seconds,
and then you rush over
to take her from me.
I'm not the most coordinated
person in the world,
but I can safely hold a baby.
She's not gonna break.
I meant the sun. You don't tan well.
So you do trust me with her?
You don't need to worry
about taking care of a baby.
But Lissa's, like, my age,
and you leave her with Morgan all day.
That is different.
Lissa is very motherly.
Why, because she dresses
like an Easter egg
and makes a to-do list?
I mean, I can be motherly.
Sweetie, you cut off the
heads to all your Bratz dolls.
Their faces were scary as hell.
Look...
here, at least let me hold
her while your cooking.
You've got your hands full.
Ugh! Spaetzle!
Okay, I think that means "spatula."
All German sounds like cussing.
Here, take her.
See? Very motherly.
Oh, oh... oh, God. That's my boob.
Mom, take her. She's eating me.
Hey, hey. This dairy's closed.
Ah! Oh!
Oh, yum... apple sauce.
Where do you put it all, girl?
In my tummy, where it goes. Duh.
Lace, pack a bag.
We are going to the
Mermaid Inn for the night.
Surprise.
Oh, sweetie, that is so romantic,
but I don't know,
taking a baby up the coast?
Which is why we're leaving her here.
What?
And having some much deserved us time.
- She's not ready.
- Aw, she'll be fine.
Okay, I'm not ready.
Don't worry, Lissa will be
here with her the whole time.
Oh, no, actually, I can't.
I'm having an early dinner with my mom
and her new boyfriend.
If you're going to dinner,
why are you eating bread?
Because I'm going to dinner.
Mommy says a lady should never
eat out of the bread
basket at a restaurant,
which is hard, because
I really love bread.
I don't think that's the point.
Sorry, Kev, looks like we can't go.
- Hello?
- Yeah, hello?
We can call the sitting service.
Ugh, they always leave the house
smelling like borscht.
- No.
- Um, there is another option.
What about my cousins in Irvine?
They're in Hawaii.
Am I the only one who
reads the family emails?
What about me?
Oh, um, thanks, Jenna,
but you don't to be
tied down babysitting.
No.
You should be out with
your friends, having fun.
- Yeah.
- Oh, come on, I'm free.
Oh, honey, you know
how much we appreciate
that you don't often have
plans on the weekends,
but we just don't know
if you're mature enough
to handle all of this on your own.
Okay, my boyfriend's at a
family wedding this weekend,
but thanks for that.
What I meant is that I'm free.
You don't have to pay me.
- That is a big plus.
- Okay, we'll give you a shot.
- It's so good to see you.
- So good to see you.
- I missed you.
- I missed you.
All right, do you realize you're just
repeating everything I say?
Sorry, it's just
everything you're saying
is true for me too.
So while I was in Bora Bora...
Ah, you just repeated yourself.
I had a lot of time to think,
and I want to ask you something.
Yes, I absolutely want to be exclusive.
Sure, yeah. Yeah, we're getting there,
but that wasn't what I wanted to ask.
I really want you to meet my friends.
They can be a little intimidating.
They don't usually
like the girls I date,
but, come on, who could not like you?
So don't be nervous.
Oh, I'm not. Friends love me.
Bring on Chad and Tad and Brad.
Actually, their names are
Siggy, Boots, and Tinsley.
They're my girl friends.
They're throwing a clambake in Malibu.
You think you can come?
- Girl friends?
- Oh, I grew up with them.
They're like sisters.
Oh, no, I'm not worried about that.
It's just... girls.
You know, we can be a
little judgy and critical,
and what if I don't have the right shoes
or the right clothes... for a clambake?
I mean, I left most of my beachwear
at my parents' beach house on the Cape,
but I'll be fine.
Nothing a trip to Barneys can't cure.
Cool, and, hey, I get it about girls.
If you feel outnumbered, bring a friend.
Great. When is this clambake, anyway?
- Tonight.
- Great.
I am so glad my baby's
finally meeting my baby.
Dinner when it's still light out.
How romantic.
- Oh, Carl, is that a pager?
- Sure is, sweetheart.
Mommy didn't tell me you were a doctor.
Oh, I'm not, but I do save lives.
He owns the largest
hygienic paper goods company
in California.
Someday, so will I.
Paper. So like, um, stationary?
I always wish I'd
lived in the olden days
of letter writing.
- No, hygienic paper.
- Toilet seat covers.
They minimize the spread
of fecal-borne disease.
They're a huge business
and Dad's got the market cornered.
Bread?
Baby wipes are in here,
and you know how to
use the bottle warmer.
Well, let's make sure
we've covered all the bases.
Oh, when putting her to sleep,
you have to hit the four B's:
bath, bottle, book, bed, in that order.
Uh, car's been running for 20 minutes.
I've got an idea, let's go.
We are. I'm just finishing.
Oh! Okay.
This is the last thing, but it's by far
the most important: you must
have her to sleep at 7:30.
Not to bed, to sleep.
If not, she gets a
second wind around 8:15,
and she gets really hyper and playful
and it may seem cute
and it may seem fun,
but you want to know what's not fun?
Being up until 4:30
in the goddamn morning.
Got it, Mom. Have a wonderful time.
Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- Okay.
We're gonna be just fine, right?
So Lissa, are you seeing anyone?
I was, um...
but I broke it off.
He just wasn't ambitious enough for me.
Good evening, Mrs. Miller. Lissa.
Nice to see you, Jake. We're fine.
Did you need something, Jake?
Oh, uh, no.
I guess, enjoy your meal.
I have a announcement to make.
Tonight wasn't just about our families
meeting for the very first time.
I wanted you both to
be here when I did this.
Lesley Ann Miller,
will you marry me?
Oh, wow, Carl, it's obviously too...
Yes!
- Yes, I will!
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, baby!
- Yeah, yeah!
Congrats, you two.
I'm so happy I could...
Shh, don't cry. Don't cry.
Luke, this is hell.
Have you tried rubbing ice on her gums?
- Is that a thing?
- I actually have no idea.
You rub something on their gums.
They're cutting the
cake. I got to get back.
Okay, have fun. Bye.
Once upon a time, there
was a beautiful princess
named Morgan, and she was pretty,
and perfect, and destined
for a life of happiness.
Ew.
So my parents thought I
wasn't mature enough for this?
I'd show them.
Oh...
I wasn't going to give up.
Bath...
bottle... book...
bed. I wasn't going to break.
Crap.
Matty!
I wasn't going to cry,
but apparently, Morgan was.
What are you doing here?
Uh, your mom and I
are supposed to work on
her German project tonight.
Sorry, my dad surprised her
with some inn for the night.
I think she left you some notes, though.
Can you take her for a second?
- Here. Okay.
- Hi. Hi.
Okay.
There you go.
Okay.
What the hell?
[bleep], it's my mom.
Morgan's supposed to be asleep by now.
Good luck with that.
Thanks for the notes.
Wait.
Can you please take her
for, like, two seconds,
and then you go right
back to being mad at me?
My mom didn't think
I'd be able to do this,
and I really don't
want to prove her right.
I mean, you're kind of the reason
she's awake right now.
Can you please just keep her
quiet for, like, two minutes?
Matty, I'm begging you.
Then you can go right
back to being mad at me.
Yeah, fine.
Hey, what's up?
Is she asleep yet?
Uh, yeah. Did the four B's.
She was basically passed out by B three.
- Really?
- Yup.
It went super smooth.
Easy-peasy, Mr. McFeezy.
What else has happened since I left?
Thanks for coming with me, you guys.
I'm kind of Judge Dredd-ing
meeting Patrick's girlfriends.
They're just rich bitches.
Don't get in your head about it.
Although I'm not sure I would wear
the signature print
with the statement belt
and the statement bag.
But I want to make a statement.
What's the statement,
that you're a desperado?
I don't know the rules.
Patrick's best friend is the
heir to a banking fortune,
but he wears red pants
with holes in them,
and he drives a 1998 Saab.
Yeah, sounds about right.
Here, hold still.
Just care less, and you'll be fine.
I thought you said this was a cookout.
Cookout, clambake... same diff.
Not same diff... very different diff!
These girls are just
shallow, entitled...
Oh, my God, Caldwell!
- Good to see you!
- You too!
Wow, Mom.
I had been talking to my
mom for a solid 20 minutes,
which meant Matty had
done me a major solid
watching Morgan this long.
I had to find a way to hang up.
Mom, I, uh...
- I have to poop.
- Ew, Jenna!
Just say you have to go.
Okay, bye.
I didn't hear crying,
which meant Morgan must be asleep.
I owed Matty big time.
Thank you.
No worries. She's doing great.
She's awake...
and playful.
What's the problem? It's cute.
It's not cute. It's the second wind.
He did well.
I never would have chosen cushion cut,
but hey, a few years ago, I
never would have chosen Carl.
Mommy, do you even love...
I love that he's a man of faith...
and a good provider.
Those...
mm-mm seat covers have
made him very wealthy.
Is that why you're marrying him?
Lululemons don't grow on trees, sweetie.
And neither does our mortgage.
It's either marry Carl,
or move to San Pedro,
and while they have a great Whole Foods,
it's... it's not for me.
But marriage is about love.
Well, you dropped out
of school, bunny boots.
If you want to be a Palos Hills mom,
this is what it takes.
You're going to need a Carl.
So I'd consider Carl's junior.
Okay, four B's.
Bottle, book... you know what?
I don't need a book.
Once upon a time, there
was a beautiful princess
who was kind and calm and tired...
Oh, my God, Matty, I'm so sorry.
- So gross.
- It's okay.
It's okay.
Ooh, it's okay.
I got her. I got her.
My friendship with Matty
was strained in the present
and my relationship with
Matty was left in the past,
but as he held Morgan,
I got an image of what our future
could have looked like.
And it was not a bad view.
Uh, Jenna?
- Does that make sense?
- Huh? What?
I was saying she's calm now
because babies like to go skin to skin.
It calms them.
Shh. Let's go.
I didn't realize you
knew so much about babies.
There's a lot things you didn't realize.
I said I was sorry about the article.
Well, then I guess that
makes everything better, then.
I know you're still pissed,
but can we please keep
it to soothing tones?
My brother resurfaced this year
with a new girlfriend
and a newborn, so I've been
helping out with the
baby whenever I'm home.
- I didn't know that.
- Why would you?
You never asked how I was doing.
Never even checked in once.
And then you write that article.
I know, and I regret that a lot.
How long are you gonna stay mad?
Is my anger an inconvenience?
I'm sorry, Jenna... oh, does
that make it instantly better?
"I'm sorry"?
You know what?
I don't know why I'm even helping you.
I'm out of here.
Matty, wait.
It seemed I couldn't do anything right.
Not with Matty and
definitely not with Morgan.
My mom was right.
I couldn't handle this on my own.
Matty was the one who
knew all the tricks.
Okay, okay... I hear you.
Here comes some skin.
It'll all be okay, Morgan.
Shh. There, there.
It'll all be okay.
God, it has been absolute
ages since Chincoteague.
Do you still ride?
Every chance I get.
Oh, good.
You are so talented.
Oh, she is.
I am dying for a Negroni.
You want?
Sorry about all that horse talk.
You must be so bored.
I know these aren't exactly your people.
- Why not?
- Oh, come on.
I'm sure no one else here
vacations in Guadalajara.
Hey, aren't you Sergio...
from Sergio's Hot Tamales?
Oh, my God, you catered my
friend Whitney's pool party.
I love you. I want
to marry your tamales.
You have to meet the chef.
Wolfy, I'm obsessed with this guy.
Once upon a time,
there was a girl who... well...
royally screwed up with a boy.
You might even call him a prince.
She really cared about the boy,
but she kept doing things
that made him think she didn't.
He was the one person in her life
who was always there for her,
even when she didn't
know she needed him.
She wanted to be friends with him,
but she ruined it,
because she was an idiot.
All right, I want you to meet
Siggy, Boots, and Tinsley.
Guys, this is Tamara.
Hi, I brought s'mores.
Oh, that's cute,
but Wolfy doesn't allow outside food.
All right, well, you
all have a ton in common.
Tamara has a place in the Village.
Cute.
- She goes to NYU.
- Cute.
Oh, and she's crushing it at her job.
- She works at Idea Bin.
- Cute.
Hey, Pat, we need a fourth for cornhole.
- Chop chop.
- Sorry, babe, be right back.
It's cute how you have a job.
- But, like, why, though?
- Oh, it's not a job-job.
- It's an unpaid internship.
- Oh.
Yeah, it's like, "Thanks, Mom and Dad."
Could you imagine working for a living?
Like, actually, no.
Hey, sorry, I fell asleep.
Babies are exhausting.
Shh.
It's okay, I'll take her.
I'm beat, but you two
should go paint the town
whatever color you kids
paint it these days.
We won't wait up.
Ho ho!
Hey, we should hit Lucky
Chuck's Pong and Pucks.
I have a VIP membership, so
we never have to wait in line.
Oh, sorry, um, I promised
my friend I'd help him.
Right, Jake?
Lissa promised to help
with the dinner napkins.
Folding emergency.
Nice to meet you.
I don't know what's going on,
but I hope that you won't bring any more
of your dates here in the future.
You saved me from Lucky
Chuck's Pong and Pucks, Jake.
- Lucky Chuck's!
- Jesus, that is bad.
I've been sorely misguided
in my life goals, Jake.
I don't want to be a Palos Hills mom.
All the Lululemons in the world
couldn't turn that
[bleep] into lemonade.
Oh, I've seen the light.
I have seen the light.
Thank God Almighty,
I have seen the light.
I have too.
I'm a townie.
That's what the girl I
slept with after you said.
By the way, I slept
with a girl after you.
- Who?
- What do you care?
You broke up with me, remember?
No one calls you a townie.
It's true, though.
I'm not ambitious enough.
You basically said the same
thing to me when we broke up.
I'm sorry. That was wrong of me.
Now, who is she? I'll cut a bitch!
So Tam, your skin is amazing.
Do you do vampire facials,
where they put the blood
plasma on your face?
I totally do.
Perf. We've got appointments
tomorrow in Bev Hills
and Siggy can't go 'cause
her Pomeranian ate a grape.
Aww, you guys. I'm in.
Cool.
Just Venmo me 15 for my slot.
- Dollars?
- Yeah, $1,500.
Matty had stayed all
night just to help me.
For someone who was so angry with me,
it was surprising, to say the least.
Mom, hey.
Yeah, see you soon.
Even more surprising would
be if my parents came home
to find me and Matty half
naked in bed together.
Matty, get up.
My parents will be home in 10 minutes.
What?
We have to get everything
cleaned up... now.
No, the one time I'm
here for innocent reasons.
Ha, very funny. Hey, where's your shirt?
Oh, [bleep]. Where is my shirt?
Quick, go out the back.
Uh, uh, the German notes.
Hey, Matty.
Thanks again for everything.
We're home!
Hey, 'sup, guys?
I'm impressed, kiddo.
The house is still in one piece.
So is the baby.
I'm half tempted to pay you.
Well, I'd make you if it wasn't so easy.
I'm sorry for misjudging you.
I didn't think you could
pull it off, but you did.
All by yourself.
Well, that'll teach you
to never doubt me again.
By the way, did Matty stop by?
What? Why would Matty
stop by? I'm with Luke now.
Um, I know.
He was supposed to pick
up our German notes.
Oh, right.
Yeah, he stopped by,
like, right after you left.
Okay. Good.
My parents believed I
had succeeded on my own,
but the truth was, I couldn't
have done it without Matty.
Why did that feel like
such a shameful secret?
I suddenly realized the shameful secret
wasn't that I needed Matty's help.
It was that I wanted it.
Hey, Jenna, did you write
a super-detailed post
about our relationship on Idea Bin?
You had no right to do this.
I want my article taken down.
"He will always be my first true love
and that's something you never forget."
There's a red eye for $300.
I can't believe it's already time
to think about your
ticket back to school.
Where did the summer go?
I'm working, you're studying,
my skin saw more sun in Maine
than it does in California
and I barely spend any time with Morgan.
- That's probably a good thing.
- Wait, what?
See, I knew you didn't
trust me with her.
I'll hold her for, like, 10 seconds,
and then you rush over
to take her from me.
I'm not the most coordinated
person in the world,
but I can safely hold a baby.
She's not gonna break.
I meant the sun. You don't tan well.
So you do trust me with her?
You don't need to worry
about taking care of a baby.
But Lissa's, like, my age,
and you leave her with Morgan all day.
That is different.
Lissa is very motherly.
Why, because she dresses
like an Easter egg
and makes a to-do list?
I mean, I can be motherly.
Sweetie, you cut off the
heads to all your Bratz dolls.
Their faces were scary as hell.
Look...
here, at least let me hold
her while your cooking.
You've got your hands full.
Ugh! Spaetzle!
Okay, I think that means "spatula."
All German sounds like cussing.
Here, take her.
See? Very motherly.
Oh, oh... oh, God. That's my boob.
Mom, take her. She's eating me.
Hey, hey. This dairy's closed.
Ah! Oh!
Oh, yum... apple sauce.
Where do you put it all, girl?
In my tummy, where it goes. Duh.
Lace, pack a bag.
We are going to the
Mermaid Inn for the night.
Surprise.
Oh, sweetie, that is so romantic,
but I don't know,
taking a baby up the coast?
Which is why we're leaving her here.
What?
And having some much deserved us time.
- She's not ready.
- Aw, she'll be fine.
Okay, I'm not ready.
Don't worry, Lissa will be
here with her the whole time.
Oh, no, actually, I can't.
I'm having an early dinner with my mom
and her new boyfriend.
If you're going to dinner,
why are you eating bread?
Because I'm going to dinner.
Mommy says a lady should never
eat out of the bread
basket at a restaurant,
which is hard, because
I really love bread.
I don't think that's the point.
Sorry, Kev, looks like we can't go.
- Hello?
- Yeah, hello?
We can call the sitting service.
Ugh, they always leave the house
smelling like borscht.
- No.
- Um, there is another option.
What about my cousins in Irvine?
They're in Hawaii.
Am I the only one who
reads the family emails?
What about me?
Oh, um, thanks, Jenna,
but you don't to be
tied down babysitting.
No.
You should be out with
your friends, having fun.
- Yeah.
- Oh, come on, I'm free.
Oh, honey, you know
how much we appreciate
that you don't often have
plans on the weekends,
but we just don't know
if you're mature enough
to handle all of this on your own.
Okay, my boyfriend's at a
family wedding this weekend,
but thanks for that.
What I meant is that I'm free.
You don't have to pay me.
- That is a big plus.
- Okay, we'll give you a shot.
- It's so good to see you.
- So good to see you.
- I missed you.
- I missed you.
All right, do you realize you're just
repeating everything I say?
Sorry, it's just
everything you're saying
is true for me too.
So while I was in Bora Bora...
Ah, you just repeated yourself.
I had a lot of time to think,
and I want to ask you something.
Yes, I absolutely want to be exclusive.
Sure, yeah. Yeah, we're getting there,
but that wasn't what I wanted to ask.
I really want you to meet my friends.
They can be a little intimidating.
They don't usually
like the girls I date,
but, come on, who could not like you?
So don't be nervous.
Oh, I'm not. Friends love me.
Bring on Chad and Tad and Brad.
Actually, their names are
Siggy, Boots, and Tinsley.
They're my girl friends.
They're throwing a clambake in Malibu.
You think you can come?
- Girl friends?
- Oh, I grew up with them.
They're like sisters.
Oh, no, I'm not worried about that.
It's just... girls.
You know, we can be a
little judgy and critical,
and what if I don't have the right shoes
or the right clothes... for a clambake?
I mean, I left most of my beachwear
at my parents' beach house on the Cape,
but I'll be fine.
Nothing a trip to Barneys can't cure.
Cool, and, hey, I get it about girls.
If you feel outnumbered, bring a friend.
Great. When is this clambake, anyway?
- Tonight.
- Great.
I am so glad my baby's
finally meeting my baby.
Dinner when it's still light out.
How romantic.
- Oh, Carl, is that a pager?
- Sure is, sweetheart.
Mommy didn't tell me you were a doctor.
Oh, I'm not, but I do save lives.
He owns the largest
hygienic paper goods company
in California.
Someday, so will I.
Paper. So like, um, stationary?
I always wish I'd
lived in the olden days
of letter writing.
- No, hygienic paper.
- Toilet seat covers.
They minimize the spread
of fecal-borne disease.
They're a huge business
and Dad's got the market cornered.
Bread?
Baby wipes are in here,
and you know how to
use the bottle warmer.
Well, let's make sure
we've covered all the bases.
Oh, when putting her to sleep,
you have to hit the four B's:
bath, bottle, book, bed, in that order.
Uh, car's been running for 20 minutes.
I've got an idea, let's go.
We are. I'm just finishing.
Oh! Okay.
This is the last thing, but it's by far
the most important: you must
have her to sleep at 7:30.
Not to bed, to sleep.
If not, she gets a
second wind around 8:15,
and she gets really hyper and playful
and it may seem cute
and it may seem fun,
but you want to know what's not fun?
Being up until 4:30
in the goddamn morning.
Got it, Mom. Have a wonderful time.
Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- Okay.
We're gonna be just fine, right?
So Lissa, are you seeing anyone?
I was, um...
but I broke it off.
He just wasn't ambitious enough for me.
Good evening, Mrs. Miller. Lissa.
Nice to see you, Jake. We're fine.
Did you need something, Jake?
Oh, uh, no.
I guess, enjoy your meal.
I have a announcement to make.
Tonight wasn't just about our families
meeting for the very first time.
I wanted you both to
be here when I did this.
Lesley Ann Miller,
will you marry me?
Oh, wow, Carl, it's obviously too...
Yes!
- Yes, I will!
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, baby!
- Yeah, yeah!
Congrats, you two.
I'm so happy I could...
Shh, don't cry. Don't cry.
Luke, this is hell.
Have you tried rubbing ice on her gums?
- Is that a thing?
- I actually have no idea.
You rub something on their gums.
They're cutting the
cake. I got to get back.
Okay, have fun. Bye.
Once upon a time, there
was a beautiful princess
named Morgan, and she was pretty,
and perfect, and destined
for a life of happiness.
Ew.
So my parents thought I
wasn't mature enough for this?
I'd show them.
Oh...
I wasn't going to give up.
Bath...
bottle... book...
bed. I wasn't going to break.
Crap.
Matty!
I wasn't going to cry,
but apparently, Morgan was.
What are you doing here?
Uh, your mom and I
are supposed to work on
her German project tonight.
Sorry, my dad surprised her
with some inn for the night.
I think she left you some notes, though.
Can you take her for a second?
- Here. Okay.
- Hi. Hi.
Okay.
There you go.
Okay.
What the hell?
[bleep], it's my mom.
Morgan's supposed to be asleep by now.
Good luck with that.
Thanks for the notes.
Wait.
Can you please take her
for, like, two seconds,
and then you go right
back to being mad at me?
My mom didn't think
I'd be able to do this,
and I really don't
want to prove her right.
I mean, you're kind of the reason
she's awake right now.
Can you please just keep her
quiet for, like, two minutes?
Matty, I'm begging you.
Then you can go right
back to being mad at me.
Yeah, fine.
Hey, what's up?
Is she asleep yet?
Uh, yeah. Did the four B's.
She was basically passed out by B three.
- Really?
- Yup.
It went super smooth.
Easy-peasy, Mr. McFeezy.
What else has happened since I left?
Thanks for coming with me, you guys.
I'm kind of Judge Dredd-ing
meeting Patrick's girlfriends.
They're just rich bitches.
Don't get in your head about it.
Although I'm not sure I would wear
the signature print
with the statement belt
and the statement bag.
But I want to make a statement.
What's the statement,
that you're a desperado?
I don't know the rules.
Patrick's best friend is the
heir to a banking fortune,
but he wears red pants
with holes in them,
and he drives a 1998 Saab.
Yeah, sounds about right.
Here, hold still.
Just care less, and you'll be fine.
I thought you said this was a cookout.
Cookout, clambake... same diff.
Not same diff... very different diff!
These girls are just
shallow, entitled...
Oh, my God, Caldwell!
- Good to see you!
- You too!
Wow, Mom.
I had been talking to my
mom for a solid 20 minutes,
which meant Matty had
done me a major solid
watching Morgan this long.
I had to find a way to hang up.
Mom, I, uh...
- I have to poop.
- Ew, Jenna!
Just say you have to go.
Okay, bye.
I didn't hear crying,
which meant Morgan must be asleep.
I owed Matty big time.
Thank you.
No worries. She's doing great.
She's awake...
and playful.
What's the problem? It's cute.
It's not cute. It's the second wind.
He did well.
I never would have chosen cushion cut,
but hey, a few years ago, I
never would have chosen Carl.
Mommy, do you even love...
I love that he's a man of faith...
and a good provider.
Those...
mm-mm seat covers have
made him very wealthy.
Is that why you're marrying him?
Lululemons don't grow on trees, sweetie.
And neither does our mortgage.
It's either marry Carl,
or move to San Pedro,
and while they have a great Whole Foods,
it's... it's not for me.
But marriage is about love.
Well, you dropped out
of school, bunny boots.
If you want to be a Palos Hills mom,
this is what it takes.
You're going to need a Carl.
So I'd consider Carl's junior.
Okay, four B's.
Bottle, book... you know what?
I don't need a book.
Once upon a time, there
was a beautiful princess
who was kind and calm and tired...
Oh, my God, Matty, I'm so sorry.
- So gross.
- It's okay.
It's okay.
Ooh, it's okay.
I got her. I got her.
My friendship with Matty
was strained in the present
and my relationship with
Matty was left in the past,
but as he held Morgan,
I got an image of what our future
could have looked like.
And it was not a bad view.
Uh, Jenna?
- Does that make sense?
- Huh? What?
I was saying she's calm now
because babies like to go skin to skin.
It calms them.
Shh. Let's go.
I didn't realize you
knew so much about babies.
There's a lot things you didn't realize.
I said I was sorry about the article.
Well, then I guess that
makes everything better, then.
I know you're still pissed,
but can we please keep
it to soothing tones?
My brother resurfaced this year
with a new girlfriend
and a newborn, so I've been
helping out with the
baby whenever I'm home.
- I didn't know that.
- Why would you?
You never asked how I was doing.
Never even checked in once.
And then you write that article.
I know, and I regret that a lot.
How long are you gonna stay mad?
Is my anger an inconvenience?
I'm sorry, Jenna... oh, does
that make it instantly better?
"I'm sorry"?
You know what?
I don't know why I'm even helping you.
I'm out of here.
Matty, wait.
It seemed I couldn't do anything right.
Not with Matty and
definitely not with Morgan.
My mom was right.
I couldn't handle this on my own.
Matty was the one who
knew all the tricks.
Okay, okay... I hear you.
Here comes some skin.
It'll all be okay, Morgan.
Shh. There, there.
It'll all be okay.
God, it has been absolute
ages since Chincoteague.
Do you still ride?
Every chance I get.
Oh, good.
You are so talented.
Oh, she is.
I am dying for a Negroni.
You want?
Sorry about all that horse talk.
You must be so bored.
I know these aren't exactly your people.
- Why not?
- Oh, come on.
I'm sure no one else here
vacations in Guadalajara.
Hey, aren't you Sergio...
from Sergio's Hot Tamales?
Oh, my God, you catered my
friend Whitney's pool party.
I love you. I want
to marry your tamales.
You have to meet the chef.
Wolfy, I'm obsessed with this guy.
Once upon a time,
there was a girl who... well...
royally screwed up with a boy.
You might even call him a prince.
She really cared about the boy,
but she kept doing things
that made him think she didn't.
He was the one person in her life
who was always there for her,
even when she didn't
know she needed him.
She wanted to be friends with him,
but she ruined it,
because she was an idiot.
All right, I want you to meet
Siggy, Boots, and Tinsley.
Guys, this is Tamara.
Hi, I brought s'mores.
Oh, that's cute,
but Wolfy doesn't allow outside food.
All right, well, you
all have a ton in common.
Tamara has a place in the Village.
Cute.
- She goes to NYU.
- Cute.
Oh, and she's crushing it at her job.
- She works at Idea Bin.
- Cute.
Hey, Pat, we need a fourth for cornhole.
- Chop chop.
- Sorry, babe, be right back.
It's cute how you have a job.
- But, like, why, though?
- Oh, it's not a job-job.
- It's an unpaid internship.
- Oh.
Yeah, it's like, "Thanks, Mom and Dad."
Could you imagine working for a living?
Like, actually, no.
Hey, sorry, I fell asleep.
Babies are exhausting.
Shh.
It's okay, I'll take her.
I'm beat, but you two
should go paint the town
whatever color you kids
paint it these days.
We won't wait up.
Ho ho!
Hey, we should hit Lucky
Chuck's Pong and Pucks.
I have a VIP membership, so
we never have to wait in line.
Oh, sorry, um, I promised
my friend I'd help him.
Right, Jake?
Lissa promised to help
with the dinner napkins.
Folding emergency.
Nice to meet you.
I don't know what's going on,
but I hope that you won't bring any more
of your dates here in the future.
You saved me from Lucky
Chuck's Pong and Pucks, Jake.
- Lucky Chuck's!
- Jesus, that is bad.
I've been sorely misguided
in my life goals, Jake.
I don't want to be a Palos Hills mom.
All the Lululemons in the world
couldn't turn that
[bleep] into lemonade.
Oh, I've seen the light.
I have seen the light.
Thank God Almighty,
I have seen the light.
I have too.
I'm a townie.
That's what the girl I
slept with after you said.
By the way, I slept
with a girl after you.
- Who?
- What do you care?
You broke up with me, remember?
No one calls you a townie.
It's true, though.
I'm not ambitious enough.
You basically said the same
thing to me when we broke up.
I'm sorry. That was wrong of me.
Now, who is she? I'll cut a bitch!
So Tam, your skin is amazing.
Do you do vampire facials,
where they put the blood
plasma on your face?
I totally do.
Perf. We've got appointments
tomorrow in Bev Hills
and Siggy can't go 'cause
her Pomeranian ate a grape.
Aww, you guys. I'm in.
Cool.
Just Venmo me 15 for my slot.
- Dollars?
- Yeah, $1,500.
Matty had stayed all
night just to help me.
For someone who was so angry with me,
it was surprising, to say the least.
Mom, hey.
Yeah, see you soon.
Even more surprising would
be if my parents came home
to find me and Matty half
naked in bed together.
Matty, get up.
My parents will be home in 10 minutes.
What?
We have to get everything
cleaned up... now.
No, the one time I'm
here for innocent reasons.
Ha, very funny. Hey, where's your shirt?
Oh, [bleep]. Where is my shirt?
Quick, go out the back.
Uh, uh, the German notes.
Hey, Matty.
Thanks again for everything.
We're home!
Hey, 'sup, guys?
I'm impressed, kiddo.
The house is still in one piece.
So is the baby.
I'm half tempted to pay you.
Well, I'd make you if it wasn't so easy.
I'm sorry for misjudging you.
I didn't think you could
pull it off, but you did.
All by yourself.
Well, that'll teach you
to never doubt me again.
By the way, did Matty stop by?
What? Why would Matty
stop by? I'm with Luke now.
Um, I know.
He was supposed to pick
up our German notes.
Oh, right.
Yeah, he stopped by,
like, right after you left.
Okay. Good.
My parents believed I
had succeeded on my own,
but the truth was, I couldn't
have done it without Matty.
Why did that feel like
such a shameful secret?
I suddenly realized the shameful secret
wasn't that I needed Matty's help.
It was that I wanted it.