Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 19 - Girls Gone Viral - full transcript

Previously on "Awkward"...

- My piece is on the front page.
- Babe, that's amazing.

But what if Matty sees it?

Hey, Jenna, did you write
a super-detailed post

about our relationship on Idea Bin?

You had no right to do this.

I'm sorry I thought we could be friends

because the reality is
you haven't changed at all.

I'm sorry!

My article had gone viral

but the one person it
really infected was Matty.



I had worked really
hard to write something

- that was fair
- _

- and I hadn't been shy about
- _

- pointing out my own faults
- _

and bad behavior, but he was pissed

and I was realizing

- that I had to do the right thing.
- _

Hon, grab the biggest hose you can find

because your post is on fire!

Congrats, Jenna.

Jenna, have you seen the comments?

Tears plus 50 crying emojis.

So presh.

Oh, "Mark sounds like
such a giant loser."



Don't bother the boss
when she's working.

This better be important.

Uh, Lizzy, can I have a word with you?

How about 75,000 words?

Uh...

Jenna, you did it.

You took my profoundly
inspiring words to heart

and your article got 300,000 hits.

Right, about the art...

300,000 thousand?

You wrote from the heart

and do you know what that accomplished?

Well, I know one thing it accomplished,

which is why I was really hoping...

Follow me, young prot?g?.

Let's give it up for Jenna, everybody.

She has done the impossible

in the shortest amount of
time in Idea Bin history.

She has connected with people

on a deep and intimate level.

I am blown the [bleep] away.

So blown away that I have decided

you are the fellow

I'm awarding the Idea Bin e-book.

Uh, wait.

I'm the one getting the Idea Bin e-book?

You have proven that people are

interested in what you have to say.

So think about what
you want to say next,

because 300,000 people
might want to know.

I, uh...

What I should've said next
was, "Take the article down"

but I... I...

This is amazing.

Thank you.

Oh, um.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, slow down.

Jenna, this is the
first time she's given

an e-book to a summer
fellow, and it's you.

Yeah, well, that's not
without its own problems.

I'm thinking of asking Lizzy
to take the article down.

What?

Why?

Matty's pissed.

Wow, so this is about Matty.

Matty is selfish if he
wants you to take it down.

You're a writer, Jenna.

You wrote about something
deeply personal and true.

That's what good writers do.

Seriously, this is a huge opportunity.

I'm not letting you blow it.

I swore to Lizzy you'd ace this.

I'm so glad you could join
me for my 10:30 cup of cappu.

I can't get foam like this
from the machine at work

and I am desperate to download you

on all the Patrick stats stat.

Yeah, totally. Go.

- Patrick is such a Princeton Charming.
- _

He's gonna take me on
a sunset sailboat ride

when he gets back and... hello?

Hi. What?

You're on Planet Smartphone

instead of being present for "T" time.

I totally am.

Princeton, sunset, sailboat.

OMG, he just sent me a skinny-dip selfie.

What the hell, Tamara?

There's like 50 messages
here in the last hour.

Duh. That's what you do
when you're dating someone.

I'm sure you and Sergio
have nonstop spicy sex.

Not every 30 seconds like
you crazy emoji junkies.

We're adults. Not insecure, horny

little tween-bots.

_

- Dead-dead?
- Over. Finished.

Sayonara, Lissa and Jake.

- Sorry.
- Thanks for bringing my stuff.

Lissa doesn't want me
to come by the house

and confuse baby Morgan, which I get.

She gurgled something
that sounded an awful lot

like "Dada" at me the other day.

Morgan, not Lissa.

Hey. Can I ask you a question?

- No and yeah.
- Huh?

No, I haven't read your article yet.

Yeah, Matty's still pissed.

All I know is he said that
you were taking it down.

Ooh, Jenna, boyfriend?

Stepbrother? Both?

Uh, neither.

"Zen Gardening for the Spirit."

Did you finish the Chicken Soup series?

I annually reread "For
the Horse Lover's Spirit"

It makes me feel equine and free.

How about you?

Hi?

Jake, this is Ophelia.
She's an amazing writer.

I love your ironic polo.

Palos Hills Country Club?
Where did you get that?

Uh, Palos Hills Country Club.

- This is Jake. He works there.
- Manages.

You got a summer job in management?

It's not a summer job.

I started in the fall

and I've been promoted twice.

Oh, so you...

so you're not in school?

I took a gap year.

That is so zeitgeist.

Well, thank you for the stuff, Jenna.

I'll see you around.

Lightning bolt of inspiration.

What do you think about an expos?

on renegades and a nonconformist
who decided that college

was a waste of time and money?

Jake?

Hello, Bill Gates.

Uh, Steve Jobs.

Dropouts.

Yeah, you never know.

I would love to watch you

in your environment.
Maybe ask some questions.

- Get some pictures.
- Why don't you come by the club

and I'll show you how the magic happens?

I am looking forward to it.

Ugh, Matty, finally. You're so late.

I don't know if I'm
really up to the whole

conversation stuff today.

Matty, I know it's summer

and it's time to raise
the roof or whatever,

but if you want to succeed,

you have to put in the work, like Jenna.

Did she tell you she's getting an e-book?

I'm so proud of her.

Have you read any of her stuff?

Yeah, I have.

You proud now?

What's more celebratory, red or white?

For someone who was just awarded

for excellence in written communication,

I was hopelessly grappling
for the right words

to say to Matty.

_

_

Or we could just sit
here and text Matty.

Sorry, I just...

I promised him I would
get this article taken down

but I haven't yet.

And you're not going to.

And for what it's worth,

your slightly harsh assessments

were pretty valid.

Hey, I was just as harsh on myself.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, what about the paragraph

I wrote on my flaws
and my insensitivities?

College giving me a false

sense of maturity?

Me projecting my insecurities?

Wait, where...

where is it?

Where the [bleep] is it?

Oh, my God, did it get cut?

How did I miss this?

No wonder Matty's so pissed.

I'm pissed too.

Cutting out that section

changes the entire article into one

long, negative rant about Matty.

Is this how Idea Bin gets its hits?

Real classy.

Wow, Jenna, way to be grateful

for getting your piece
on the front page.

Do you know how hard that is to do?

God forbid Matty should
ever have his feelings hurt.

Luke. If I wasn't careful,

this article was gonna ruin
more than one relationship.

I had to confront Ethan.

What was posted was not what I intended

and technically not what I wrote.

Jenna, OMG!

This is a tumblr-nado.

A quote from your Matty article

has over 50,000 notes.

It's also not what I wrote.

Ethan took out the entire heart of

my article. I'm gonna go
give him a piece of my mind

and get it taken down.

Oh, no, that is not
a good Idea Bin idea.

- Why not?
- Because of all the buzz

the piece is getting and
then it just disappears?

People will wonder why.

They'll think there's
some nasty backstory.

It'll end up getting more attention.

What do I do?

Luke put himself out on
the line for me with Lizzy,

and Matty thinks I wrote a smear piece.

How do I tell him I was
edited into a corner?

I don't know.

I guess you could tell him.

They still make film for those?

I buy old stock on eBay.

That one expired in '97.

Don't shake it too hard

or else the chems will leach out

and melt your skin.

So, want to see

what I actually do for my job?

You don't bartend?

Basically, I'm in charge of everything.

I know this sounds like anti-femme,

but I must admit I love
when a guy can take charge.

Hey, dude,

some kid took a dump in the pool again

or it may just be a mochaccino.

Either way, you might
want to check it out.

Well, Sully,

I'll have to ask you

to deal with that.

It's a lifeguard's duty.

Doodie duty.

Uh, we catching you in the
middle of something here?

Ophelia here

is interviewing me for an article.

You look familiar.

Do I know you from somewhere?

Nope, I don't think so.

You're Mark.

From Jenna's article.

Someone posted a picture of
you in the comment section.

I am such a fan.

Oh, great, I have fans.

Dude, I finally took a peek.

I didn't even know you were having

a hard time up at Berkeley.

College.

Not such an easy time.

This is amazing.

The contrast between two friends

on two different roads.

Maybe we should check out the cabanas.

- Oh.
- Hmm?

Girls in whore shorts have to
wait at the back of the line.

Sorry.

I'm so sorry about that.

What the hell, Sadita?

You can't just assault
my customers like that.

Well, maybe if you acted
like a better boyfriend

and responded to my texts
in a more timely fashion,

I wouldn't have to resort
to emergency protocols.

Since when am I your boyfriend?

Since you reintroduced
your P to my V. Duh.

You told me before

you left for school you didn't want

to be tied down while you were away.

Well, now I'm back.

So you can tie me down all you want.

Come by my place when you're done

feeding all these sluts.

I...

One second.

What do you want?

Matty, hey, there's something

about the article I want you to know.

The article you said you were gonna

take down, that's still up?

Well, yes, part of it is still up.

What are you talking about?
The whole thing is still up.

That's just it. The
whole thing was never up.

They butchered it without asking me.

- Yeah, sure, Jenna.
- Matty, please believe me.

- I didn't know.
- Whatever, maybe don't

put your name on something if
you don't know what's in it.

Matty, if you just
read the whole article

I'm sure you'd under...

Why didn't you tell me you were only

publishing half my article?

Huh? Oh, wait, the boring half?

Hon, I did you a favor.

Without my intervention,
your article was just another

middle of the road,
"It's both our faults"

slide of bland-ana cream pie.

Our readers crave a point of view.

Okay, I don't want
to come off as a brat,

and I'm happy to have
had something go viral,

but I want my piece
reposted in its entirety.

Jenna, let me just save you
from yourself here, okay?

Every good writer draws
on personal experience

and sometimes we struggle
with offending some people

from point to point, but if viral views

are what you're going for,

brutal honesty is the best policy.

Honesty would be representing

both sides of the breakup.

Oh, grow up.

The audience for your little

apologist paragraph is
exactly one... your ex.

Not exactly the demo
we're courting, hon.

Oh, and, hon, I wouldn't
go to Lizzy with this.

She has no patience
for this sort of thing.

Trust me, if you walk through that door,

it is not gonna end well.

There has never been a summer
where a fellow didn't disappear.

Do you want to be the one, hon?

Read the article about Matty.

A little cruel, don't you think?

I was just trying to
write something honest

which is what good writers do.

So good writers sell out
their friends to get e-books?

I wasn't trying to sell anyone out.

I was just trying to write the truth.

It's not my fault that they left...

Reminds me of a certain letter

I once wrote to you.

- That was actually cruel.
- It was.

I called you a pussy.

"He didn't have the
guts to do it himself,

so I had to do it for him."

It kind of sounds like
you're calling him a pussy.

I called myself a pussy too, okay?

But they won't publish that part.

That's the real problem here.

As awful as that letter was

I wrote to you, it was private.

You told Matty's truth
to the whole world

and that, Jenna,

that's the real problem.

I convinced myself that I
was just being a good writer

but in the cold, harsh
light of my mom's words,

I saw what I really was.

A [bleep] friend.

It was time to make this right

no matter what.

Whoa, whoa.

Slow down, Sadita.

What's the problem?

I... I need more.

Oh, I will give you more.

No, you know what I mean.

We keep doing the same thing.

I'm not doing butt, Sergio.

I'm serious.

You know what, I want more than sex.

You know, I want closeness, you know?

Like emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy?

You make chalupas.

Good one, Sadita.

Deflect an honest attempt
to have a conversation

with an insult to my
heritage and my line of work.

You're so predictable.

That was unpredictable.

It was amazing.

I don't need an Uber, Jake.

No, no, just calling for food.

Oh.

Sorry.

Other guys just usually
want me to leave.

Yeah?

Well, I'm, uh... not like other guys.

You're not like other guys.

I mean, guys our age, they
don't know what they want

but you already have what you want.

You're satisfied with working here.

You don't need anything better.

You don't care about big money

or higher education,

and you're completely content

to live in your
hometown your whole life.

You're like the ultimate townie.

So I guess since both my mom
and dad basically abandoned me

that's why I never get close to anyone.

Wow, what a breakthrough.

You don't think I already know all that?

It's why you're so rude.

I'm sorry, but I don't
know what you want from me.

I want you to let me in.

I let you in every time I see you.

Any time something real comes up,

you want to solve it with sex.

- You're like a guy.
- And you want

emotional intimacy. You're like a...

Don't say it.

Look.

It's my summer vacation

and I want to have fun and...

Go back to school and come back here

on another break and pick
up where you left off.

Is that so bad?

Yeah, it is.

It doesn't work for me anymore.

Why?

Because I love you.

I...

I appreciate that and I

love your hair and your lips...

- And?
- And...

Forget it. You don't have to say it

because I know you do.

I want my article taken down.

The article that earned you the e-book?

I really appreciate you
pushing me to explore the

more personal things to me,

but this article was too personal

and not just to me.

I hurt someone I care about

when I wrote it,

and it got butchered in the edit.

Bite that hand, hon.

I want it taken down.

Anything else you want, Jenna?

I guess I should pack up my things.

You probably should.

But don't.

You're a pain in the ass, Jenna,

but you know, there
isn't a writer out there

who isn't a giant,
colossal pain in the ass.

I wanted to kill Ophelia at least

two separate times last week

and now I'm going to give her the e-book

instead of you

and I'm gonna take the article down.

Hits on it have slowed anyway

and maybe a little ghost post
will drum up some interest.

I've had a whiny ex or three

of my own who didn't like my articles,

but if you ever ask me to
take something down again,

I'm going to make you clean out

the office microwave with your tongue.

Got it.

Yeah.

Now sit down.

You're late for this meeting.

I got it taken down.

It's erased forever.

Not for me, it isn't.

Look, what you and I went through,

a lot of people go through

and I was just trying
to use us as an example

of universal experience.

And I'm sure that the people

who read that article will understand.

Well, I don't care what all those

other people think of me, Jenna.

I care what you think of me.

And now that I've read
your article, I know.

You think I'm a loser

and you didn't even have the
guts to say it to my face.

Would you please just
read the whole thing?

I'm done reading. I'm
done talking about this

and I'm done with you.

He's never gonna forgive me.

Then he's an idiot.

Can we go now?

Maybe I'm the idiot.

Luke, I'm sorry.

It's just... it's
something I have to do.

If you don't want to wait...

I don't.

Matty, hello?

Hey, look, if you're not
gonna answer the door,

then I'm just gonna say it.

I'm sorry.

I don't even know if
you can hear me right now

but...

"I was drowning in my
own self-importance.

"Being on my own at college

"had given me a false sense of maturity,

"but the reality was that
I was no more independent

"or adult than he was.

"In fact, Mark had always been

"more grown-up than me when it counted.

"After I had so rudely rejected him,

"I began to wonder if
I would ever encounter

"another human being that would have

"such a profound influence on my life.

"He would always be
my first true love...

and that's something you never forget."

You came back.

Got three blocks away and realized

what a jerk I'd been.

You?

- I'm the jerk.
- No, you're really not.

You care about how your
actions affect others.

I was just reacting to the fact that

the other in this situation was Matty.

And I so get that, but I promise

you have nothing to
worry about with Matty.

He'll probably never
speak to me again, anyway.

Thank you...

for coming back.

I'm sorry this has been so much drama.

I will stick my neck
out for you any day.

Drama or no drama.

And I'm sorry if I added to it.

The apologies were
flying fast and loose.

I was glad to have heard Luke's.

I only wished Matty had heard mine.