Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 17 - Fireworks - full transcript

Previously on "Awkward"...

Palos Hills Country Club

is a fun work environment.

You are, like, serious now.

Your card was declined,

and you're not going
anywhere until you pay me.

I can't!

Who's that sloppy rando?

My girlfriend.

- I think we should try again.
- Me too.

Reconnecting with Tamara



was like hitting the
reset button on my summer.

It was starting to feel
just like old times,

except totally different.

Oh.

Dad, seriously?

We're trying to sleep.

Sorry, got to get to work early.

There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Morning, ladies,

Kev.

This house is 50 shades of cray.

I mean, I love my baby sister,

but I do not love my bedroom

being taken over by the
nanny and her boyfriend,



AKA Lissa and Jake!

Where is Lissa?

Lacey needs her to take over with Morgan

when she gets back from the park.

She's in the shower.

Still?

Girl takes 45-minute showers.

Well, she better not
use all the hot water,

'cause Tamara and I still
have to take showers too.

That's six people taking
showers at my house.

And you, you work at a country club.

So Kev thinks you should
eat and shower there.

Hey!

You know, I'm thinking that we should

Uber to the beach.

There's never any
parking on Fourth of July.

Luke wanted to watch the fireworks

from a rooftop bar downtown.

Would you be up for
something like that instead?

Maybe, but I'd have to go shopping.

I need something red,
white, and faboo to wear.

Patriotic but a dash erotic.

Me too.

All my summer clothes are so high school.

Hey, Dad, can I get, like, $100?

I need to do some shopping.

What do I look like, a money tree?

I'm paying for two college tuitions

and a live-in nanny who
takes 45-minute showers.

I thought you had a job.

I do, but it's a fellowship.

So I get paid in experience.

And it's so valuable that
I should be paying them.

Okay, well, good luck trying to buy stuff

at the mall with experience.

Wait; but, Dad,

seriously, what am I supposed to do?

What adults do:

get a real job.

Sorry your dad's a Daddy No Bucks.

I'd offer to help, but I'm
still a little tapped out

from the Sadie birthday soirée.

I can offer you a couple
shifts at the country club.

She's not that desperate.

Actually, why not?

Because it's waiting on all the
biggest snobs in Palos Hills.

I think you'll find working

and supporting yourself very rewarding.

And we pay $2 above minimum wage.

- I'm in.
- Fine, I'll do it.

To keep Jenna company, obvi.

Great, I need you both tomorrow.

Tomorrow? But it's the Fourth of July.

Oh, right, who works on a holiday?

Let me ask you, what were
you doing last Fourth of July?

Ally invited us all to the club.

Oh, so someone must have been there

to open the club, right?

And someone was probably passing out

towels by the pool, no?

And what about the hot dogs?

Did they magically appear,

or was someone working behind the grill?

Who are those people?

Who serves those hot dogs?

Did I tell you I'm vegetarian now?

Well, you don't have to eat them.

Just cook them.

Keep the line moving.

Make sure to refresh the condiment bar.

Tamara, put your phone down.

You're here to work,

not Insta.

I'm multitasking.

This is PR for the club.

I hadn't seen Matty in a while.

And seeing him now

conjured up nothing,

no feelings at all, just questions.

Why had he called me?

Why didn't he leave a message?

We'd both moved on.

What else was left to say?

Yeah, happy Fourth!

Looks like Jake's added a few new recruits

to his country club crew.

Yup.

I'm mostly just here to sun.

Let us know if you guys
need help with anything.

We can show you the ropes.

If the line gets too long,

drop a few dogs on the ground

before you put them in the buns.

- Thins the crowd.
- Mm-hmm.

Thank you, but I think
we'll be able to manage it

just fine by ourselves.

Is something wrong?

I'm not sure.

I saw you on my missed calls.

Lookit, I'm not sure why you called,

and I don't need to know why.

Maybe it's just best to keep things

professional between us.

I didn't call you.

Must have been a butt dial.

Right, cool, then no need
to make a thing of it.

Well, nobody's making anything a thing.

I'm just trying to help you.

Yeah, well, I told you before,

I don't need your help,

very cordially.

Is there a problem here?

Rosati?

No problem, sir.

Good team meeting, everyone.

Now, let's all get back to work.

You know my ass is on the line

for hiring my friends?

This isn't high school.

I don't want any drama.

No drama here.

I'm just trying to make some extra money.

Yeah, we're good.

No drama from you either.

Pool boy! Over here.

Ally, please stop calling me that.

I'm the manager.

I know, and I always remind my husband,

who's on the board of this joint,

what a great manager you are.

Now, could you manage to get me another

skinny 'rita, por favor?

Jakey,

why aren't you wearing
the shirt I got you?

Mommy and Daddy always
wear matching shirts

on the Fourth of July.

Lissa, your dad's gay.

Yeah, but no one would
think you're gay, Jake.

You're wearing polyblend khakis.

I'll do it later, baby.

I can't wear it while I'm on duty.

On duty?

You're the manager of a country club,

not commanding the troops, Jakey.

Tamara, get back to work.

I'm going to fire you.

You're working for Captain Country Club?

Just picking up some spare change

for our cab fare jar, babe,

and mostly just keeping Jenna company.

Hamiltramp is here?

Let's go! Get back to work!

The clock is ticking!

How precious,

Jenna Hamilton handling wieners for money.

Wow, you found the perfect
career for your skill set.

Didn't you spend your entire

senior year of high school

palming bratwursts?

I think that makes you

the OG wiener girl.

At least my gig

came with a superhot tamale...

- Who's calling me right now.
- _

Hola, Sergio.

Hey, Sadita,

hey, do you have any plans tonight?

Like, I really need you.

You do?

I always knew you'd eventually

come crawling back.

I'll make it worth your while.

Meet me at the Apex Hotel.

Yeah, that one's wound tight.

I know what she needs.

Hey, want a drink?

It's not water.

No, thanks.

Okay.

Hey.

Working's not that bad, is it?

It'd be easier if your
party girl stayed away.

She just likes having fun,

and you look pretty miserable.

Sorry if my definition of fun

isn't drinking all the time.

It's kind of sad, actually.

Sad? Come on, Jenna.

I mean, sorry she doesn't
mope around all the time.

Okay, you know what? Let's not do this.

Yeah, okay.

Come on,

it's the Fourth of [bleep] July.

Chill out, bitch!

"Chill out, bitch"?

What is that bish's ish?

I'm sure Matty told her
all about our breakup

and said I was one.

Even if he did, would she remember?

Seems like she's in a perma-buzz.

If I really was indifferent to Matty,

why did his girlfriend bug me so much?

Why couldn't I just let it go?

I'm gonna tell him to
call off his guard dog.

Jenna,

where are you going?

There's a ton of people

waiting for hot dogs.

This is why you don't hire your friends.

They're not reliable.

I'm just gonna go, uh,

make more hot dogs.

I wish I could say I'd displayed

newfound emotional maturity,

but the only thing that
saved me from myself

was Jake and those friggin' hot dogs.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

I hope I didn't mess up your picture.

You can photo bomb me
any day with that IPA.

What...

Incredibly photogenic ass.

Oh, all right.

Well, my favorite beer has just become

my new pickup line.

I'm Patrick.

Tamara.

You live in the South Bay?

New York, actually.

But I go to Princeton now,

so sort of based in Jersey.

But not the Snooki part,

so bullet dodged.

Yes.

I'm from here,

but I live in the City now; I go to NYU.

That's awesome; I actually chose Princeton

because I can get to the city

in, like, you know, under an hour.

I couldn't stray too
far from the Big Apple.

So what brings you to the Big Orange?

Visiting my grammy on my way to Bora Bora.

Oh, I love Fiji!

- Tahiti.
- Yes, I have to go.

Jake, come lay out with me.

Sadie left, and I don't
have anybody to talk to.

Lissa, you know I can't do that.

Ugh, what is the point
of you being the boss

if you can't even give
yourself the day off

to spend it with me?

Listen, I'm gonna go home

and drink fruity drinks with my mom

until you get your priorities straight.

Hey, why you looking so fine?

It's the Apex, Sergio.

Okay, as long as you don't mind

getting that dress a little dirty.

Jesus, what do you have
in mind for tonight?

Well, you know how hot it gets,

and we're gonna be super busy.

All my regulars bailed
'cause it's the Fourth.

Why the hell would you think

I want to work on your stank-ass truck?

Sadie!

Why would you come

if you didn't want to work?

Because I wanted to see you beg,

which you haven't done enough of yet.

Sadita, I am begging you. Please.

Well, that was pretty feeble,
but let's cut to the chase.

Here's the deal: you're
paying me triple time

and I get to keep
everything in the tip jars

because I look so hot.

Deal.

Just get me a [bleep] apron

and let's get to work.

He's rich. He's hot. He's smart.

We're gonna be able to tell our grandkids

about our meet-cute.

Whoa, slow down, T; you already

had to cancel one wedding, remember?

Oh, my God, he's coming!

Um, what was that?

Nothing.

Maybe if you gals stopped gabbing,

you'd have something to serve that's not

burned to a crisp or ice cold.

I mean, seriously, how freaking hard is it

to cook a goddamn hot dog?

Hey, sir, let's keep it cool, please.

I'm very sorry that
we're understaffed today,

but don't take it out on her.

The restaurant inside is open

if you don't like the food outside.

- Thanks.
- No prob.

People need to chill out.

Matty, wait.

Serve them up.

Are you sure there's no problem?

Sully's been giving me attitude all day.

What are you talking about?

She called me a bitch.

So? Sully calls everyone a bitch.

Hey, bitch!

See?

Okay, now I just feel stupid.

Look, we're good.

I know you've got my back.

Your mom told me what you
said about our breakup.

Oh, my God, my mom cannot shut up.

I know, but that's how I
know you didn't tell her

the whole story, me coming to Wyckoff

and how I acted in front of you

and your friends,

which was like a douche.

That's why I called you.

It wasn't a butt dial.

I just wanted to thank you

for not making me look bad.

Of course.

Do I have to be on you guys every second?

Come on!

Did you end up getting that guy's number?

Every time I tried,

Jake boss-blocked me.

God, when he puts on
that manager name tag,

he becomes a total dick.

Everybody at this club's a dick.

Working a holiday blows.

Now we deserve to have
a little fun of our own.

Yeah, how about a secret
party tonight at the 16th tee?

You can't see it from the clubhouse,

and it'll have a great
view of the fireworks.

On the golf course?

Is that allowed?

No, that's why it's a secret.

Sully and I have done it a few times.

Okay, I'll tell Luke to meet us there.

Great.

Oh, nice shirt, Rosati.

Do not give me any.

All of you fell down on the job today,

and I'm in no mood.

But the shirt.

It's for Lissa, okay?

Now, I'm off to drink raspberry cosmos

with her and her mom and catch
the East Coast fireworks on TV.

What are you guys up to tonight?

Oh, we're all going home.

It's been a tiring day.

It's a shocker to learn
what it feels like to work

in the real world, isn't it?

I felt guilty about

not inviting Jake to the party.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

- Oh, my God!
- Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Whoo!

That's my girlfriend.

But not that guilty.

I hope you're not too bummed

we didn't make it downtown tonight.

Not at all; I'm glad
we're keeping it low-key.

I don't even feel like I got holiday.

Lizzy's been emailing
me work stuff all day.

She can be a real taskmaster.

You should've seen Jake today.

But I still feel a little
guilty we didn't invite him.

Whoo!

Look out, bitches!

- Ow!
- Wow!

- Holy...
- Hey, whoa, whoa!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Make room for your
cocktail caddie, bitches.

I got beer and my good friend Jack.

Whoo!

Although I was a little surprised

this was the party you wanted to go to,

considering the guest list.

It's all good now.

We're all friends.

- Hmm?
- Just friends.

Okay, I'm out.

I have blue balls from my blue blood,

and I don't feel like being
the fifth wheel tonight.

Tamara, don't go.

Oh, my God, someone's
coming to club us to death

or bust us or both!

Hey, Kyle, what's up, bro?

Matty, my man.

You invited Kyle?

Yeah, I love that dude.

Drinks!

I'm in.

So how do you know Kyle?

We all hang out at Berkeley.

He always knows where the coolest

underground bands are playing.

This guy is crushing it!

He's got a 4.0 in computer science

and a wicked slice in Ping-Pong.

Sully always takes me down in beer pong,

every single time.

Tamara, you look awesome.

Loving NYU?

I bet you're the president of every club.

Not yet, but give it some time.

So what's your plan?

I clean your grill so you can take off

and get messy with your girlfriend?

Actually, Sadita, We broke up.

Oh.

Yeah, we had a big-ass fight

the night of your birthday.

That's why I didn't go to your party

and sent that lame text.

So what happened?

Julia catch you putting your carne asada

into someone else's taco?

No, she was jealous.

She thought maybe I was
still hung up on you.

Can I make up my birthday fail?

How about we go to the hotel

and I buy you dinner?

All right.

It would be a waste

for you to be the only one to see

how hot I look in this dress.

Always thinking of others.

Oh!

How did you get so good at this?

Practice.

Is there a bathroom anywhere around here?

Hop aboard my chariot, bitch.

It's definitely the
best tree to pee behind.

I've tried them all.

Thanks, Sully.

You have all the best tips.

You're actually pretty fun too.

Duh.

So how long have you
and Matty been dating?

I met him around Thanksgiving,

after some girl had just iced him.

Really did a number on him.

I mean, it doesn't have to
be like that, am I right?

I mean, look at you.

You're one of Matty's exes,

and you guys are still chill.

We are.

So Matty hadn't trashed me to Sully.

He had protected me,

kind of like the way I had
protected him with my mom.

We still had each other's backs.

He needed some serious cheering up.

Took a while to get him out of that

depressed head space he was in,

but once he did, it's
been a party ever since.

He's a really great guy.

You're pretty great too, Sully.

Oh, whoa!

Whoops, totally misread the vibe.

My bad.

Whoo! Fourth of July!

I can't remember.

Is it my turn to drink?

No, you're good.

Sully can really put them away.

How do you keep up with her?

I don't.

I have one drink for every three she does.

Oh, man, I've been going one for one.

Hey, you're a good guy, Matty.

I can't even remember why I hated you.

Oh, right, because Jenna
was in love with you

when she was dating me.

Oh!

Hey, hey, it is cool, dude.

You don't have to worry about
Jenna and me anymore, okay?

That chapter's closed.

Okay. Okay.

I just can't believe how hot
you got after high school.

I literally would've voted
you most likely to not get hot.

- Hmm.
- No offense.

Hey, one thing I took
away from high school

was a thick skin.

And the one thing I left behind:

my obsession for Jenna Hamilton.

I realize it blinded me

to all the other hot girls at Palos Hills

I should've stalked.

Okay, that was cute.

Uh, Tamara, are you using me for sex

because I'm the only single guy here?

Yeah, sorry.

I knew it.

Wait, you're okay with this?

Hell yeah!

Let's go.

I better get the golf cart back.

Those golf mofos get up early.

Oh.

Oh, I didn't realize
it was getting so late.

We might as well crash at the clubhouse.

We have to be back at
work in a couple hours.

Well, what about Luke?

I can't just leave him on the tee.

Okay.

He got so drunk.

It's so not like him.

Work is just stressing him out

more than he'll admit.

It's okay; everybody needs

to blow it out every once in a while.

He's a good guy.

And he cares a lot about you.

Thanks.

And Sully's really cool too.

You two are a good match.

So now you're okay with my party girl?

Yes, and I'm sorry about all that

and also about how everything
went down last year.

I was just really caught
up in my own stuff.

No, you were doing your thing.

The whole transferring to
Wyckoff idea was stupid.

Really?

Yeah, I get why you thought

it was such a bad idea.

I'm glad I stayed at Berkeley.

It's all good now.

Actually, there's just one
little thing to clear the air.

Um, Sully tried to make out with me.

Yeah?

Man, she's great.

Really, guys?

What the hell is going on here?

My boss called me in early

because he said some idiots

were having a party out on the golf course

and they trashed the 16th tee.

And that was you?

Just get out of here.

He's coming right behind me.

He'll be here any second!

Okay, okay. We're going.

Hide behind the bar until he goes.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Jake! What's going on out here?

Uh, I'm just cleaning up.

I've got it under control.

Who is that?

Hey, Jake. Great party.

That's it. You're fired.

You're gonna put all your
friends on the payroll

to make this your personal playground?

I don't think so.

You need to pack up your stuff.

You need to get out of here.

Next on "Awkward... "

This is the worst thing
we've ever done to Jake.

I keep trying to reach him,
but he's straight up icing me.

So let's throw him a party.

Let's take it up a notch,

throw him a rager.

If your next piece doesn't go

contagion level viral, you're gonna go

from editorial fellowship to ad sales.

Oh, God, I wasn't meeting expectations.

Did you write a super-detailed post

about our relationship on Idea Bin?