Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 15 - The Friend Connection - full transcript

Previously on "Awkward"...

He is your ex, right?

- Not even friends.
- What happened?

I'm transferring to Wycoff.

I don't know if I want you here.

- I'm leaving.
- Don't worry about Jenna.

You are in New York City.

Luke? Jenna?

I'm a little surprised
by what I'm seeing.

I can't say that I'm pleased.

In fact, I'm pretty annoyed.



Whenever you come in early to write,

always make sure there
is a fresh pot of coffee.

Oh. Sorry, Lizzy.

We just got so caught up in writing.

I love writing.

And I love your work ethic, Jenna.

Well, I would love it
more if you got published,

but today, you are my
favorite editorial fellow,

despite the coffee incident.

Ophelia's piece on
how weird her boobs are

has gotten so much traffic,
it has crashed the servers.

She's my favorite fellow.

Well, it was good while it lasted.

Well, just because the
servers aren't connecting



doesn't mean that we shouldn't.

Connection...

That is what we need with our readers,

and we connect by exposing
ourselves in our writing.

Jenna, your pieces haven't had
the certain raw vulnerability

our Idea Bin readers want.

Think. How can you expose yourself?

Well, um, my boobs are
pretty normal, so...

It's not about your normal boobs, Jenna.

This is about authenticity.

Let's do an exercise.

I'm gonna ask you a question,

and you're going to be
truly honest with me,

as honest as I want you
to be in your writing.

For example, describe your
last sexual experience.

[quirky electronic music]

[gunshot]

My last...

sexual experience was...

recent.

And?

Yeah, Jenna. Tell us more.

What could I say?

I was supposed to be
writing last night,

and instead, I slept with Luke.

Idea Bin was my big shot,
and I couldn't mess it up

by getting distracted
with Luke drama.

It was no big deal.

Oh, so it sucked.

No. No, no, no.

It was great.

It's just that

no one should read too
much into it, you know?

No, not really.

[door clicks]

You are so insightful.

And you've reached so many people.

You remind me of myself.

Call a doctor, Oph,

'cause you broke the Internet.

- Boom.
- Thanks, you guys. You know,

I'm just really glad that
people responded to my honesty.

- And your brilliance.
- [scoffs]

Max, Mia, come with me.

We're gonna do a writing exercise.

Max,

tell me about the first time
your mother made you cry.

[relaxed music]

I had to admit it.

I was jealous of Ophelia.

She was part of the
cool kid clique.

Idea Bin was just like
high school, except now,

the popular people were
smart, accomplished writers.

It was time for me to
get in with the in crowd.

Hey, Ethan. Want to grab lunch later?

There's this awesome new vegan place.

Huh? Oh, sorry Jenna. Love you. Mean it.

But I'm writing a follow-up
quiz to Oph's piece

called "What Weird
Celebrity Boobs Do You Have?"

Talk later, 'kay?

Sure.

Ethan might be a
tough one to crack,

but Ophelia, if nothing
else, was all about sharing.

Congrats, Oph.

- I loved your piece.
- Mm, thanks.

- That means a lot.
- Okay.

Clearly I had to initiate
the friendly conversation.

So do you have a boyfriend?

Oh, I don't believe in monogamy.

But I do have a crush
on someone in the office.

He's smart, nice, cute.

Was she talking about Luke?

No, I shouldn't care.

[whispers] It's Ethan.

But Ethan's...

Oh, I am dying to
hook up with a gay guy.

It would be such good material,

and he'd probably text me back.

You know, I've only
had one night stands?

- Not on purpose.
- I'm sorry.

[computer chimes]

- Do you want to talk about it?
- Not really.

Anyways, Lizzy just IMed me
that your last sexual experience

was "recent and no big deal."

Hearing my own words back, I
realized how harsh I sounded.

No big deal?

If a guy said that to me
after we slept together,

I'd probably cry or
slap him or both.

Word travels fast around here.

- [computer chimes]
- Oh, Ethan is too much.

Okay, see ya.

[upbeat rock music]

Truth was, Ethan and Ophelia

weren't letting me into
their cool kids' club

because I hadn't been published.

Clearly I needed to
write something amazing

that would get published
on the Idea Bin site.

But first, I had to
clear things up with Luke

and nip any drama in the bud.

So no biggie, but I
totally got us a VIP table

and bottle service tonight at Roundelay

for your mother-effing birthday.

Shut up.

- You are welcome.
- A bottle service?

Does that mean Morgan can come?

No. Sorry.

I'm pretty sure they
don't let babies in.

But no thanks necessary.

The bouncer is totally
friends with Rene at Teflon.

No way. That is so clutch.

Who's Rene at Teflon?

Teflon is a club in New York Tamara

- and I go to all the time.
- All the time.

- And Rene's the bouncer there.
- And our BFF.

O-M-G, remember the time
he kicked out Orlando Bloom?

That was amaze. And we were like...

Both: "Bye."

Neat. I can make cupcakes.

Thanks, Liss, really, but I don't think

the club allows outside food.

Anyway, cupcakes are so 2005.

You have got to try the crogel.

- It's all about the crogel.
- Crogel?

Both: Croissant bagel.

Sounds... ethnic.

T, I can totally help pay for
bottle service, by the way.

That [bleep] is expensive.

Oh, yeah, uh, how much do you need?

Like 20 bucks?

You might want to add a zero to that.

Bitches, please.

The birthday girl
doesn't pay for anything.

And thanks, Lissa, but it's on me.

[relaxed instrumental music]

Waiter.

I need a refill on my marg.

I am not the waiter. I'm a manager.

And you know my name is Jake.

I'd be happy to send a
waiter over for you, though.

I want it from you. No
one else makes them right.

I'm sorry, Ally. I mean, Miss...

You know my husband's on
the board of this club.

- Of course I do.
- So that makes me your boss.

And as your boss,

I want a [bleep] marg.

- Fine.
- [laughter]

- Sip?
- Oh, sure, thanks.

♪

Oh, what is that, vodka?

Boom, gotcha.

What are you doing?

You guys are children.

Both of you go to Berkeley.

Isn't that supposed to be a
good school, not a kindergarten?

And, Sully, I know it's
your first week here,

but there's no drinking at work,

when you're lifeguarding, obviously.

Sorry, boss.

I mean, there's no one in the pool.

But I see your point.

We're sorry. We will stop.

Good. I got to go get a friggin' marg.

[laughs] Stop it.

I swear, that was my last prank.

Well, now I got to get you back.

- Oh.
- Right, yeah.

Give me that bottle.

Uh, but that's...

[quirky electronic music]

- Okay.
- [sighs]

♪

I like her. [laughs]

I knew it would hurt Luke

when I told him that
we couldn't date,

but I knew he appreciated
honesty and maturity.

[relaxed music]

Hey, I'm sorry if what I said earlier

with Lizzy sounded harsh.

What I meant to say was that I like you

and that's why we can't start dating.

- Come again?
- It's just that I need to

concentrate on work
and if we're making out,

then I'm going to be
concentrating on that,

and I-I really need to get published

and I can't have any drama.
Plus, I-I wouldn't want anyone

to think I'm only here because of you.

Jenna, it's cool. Like
you said, it's no big deal.

The server's up. I got
to get back to work.

♪

Right. Back to work.

He had taken the news
well, really well.

So why did I wish he hadn't?

Then I realized I did like Luke,

like, like liked Luke.

Like, drama.

♪

Luke and I had agreed
that our one night stand

had been no big deal,
but why had he agreed?

And so quickly? Had he
not enjoyed himself?

I needed some BFF analysis ASAP.

[line trilling]

Hey.

I slept with Luke last night.

O-M-G.

I know, and I told him
it couldn't happen again,

but then he said it was no big deal.

- That is a big deal!
- Yeah. But...

You look like the ultimate
birthday bitch in that dress.

- You have to wear it.
- Who are you talking to?

Oh, sorry. I'm talking to Sadie.

Wait, you slept with Luke?

Jenna, we know how this story ends.

Luke ends up getting stuck on a mountain

- 'cause you run after Matty.
- Yeah, I know. It's drama.

Which is why we can't
date, but I like him.

Uh-huh. No. Sadie, hair down.

Okay, maybe now's not
the best time to talk.

Wanna have a sleepover?

Pizza, pajamas, "Sound
of Music" sing-a-long?

I feel like we haven't
spent any time together

and I could really use a friend

and I definitely don't have any at work.

Oh, bummer summer, Jenna.
I already have plans.

- Don't say [bleep].
- What are your plans?

I-I'm going to Sadie's birthday party.

Okay, well, well, I
could come, couldn't I?

- And we could hang there?
- Yeah, totally.

I just didn't think to
mention it, because, you know,

you hate Sadie and Matty
and Sully are gonna be there.

As much as I wanted
to be mad at Tamara

for not inviting me,
I couldn't blame her.

A night trying to
reconnect with her

surrounded by Sadie, Matty,
and Sully wasn't ideal.

I don't care. Count me in.

Okay. Roundelay at 9:00.

Wait, Roundelay? That
douchey club in Hollywood?

O-M-G, Roundelay? I love Roundelay.

Uh, I mean, Roundelay?
More like Round-a-yay.

- I'll be there.
- I didn't think you'd be

the type that would party at Roundelay.

Yeah, I love that place.

I'm there, like, all the time.

Ethan thought I was cool.

I had to strike while
the iron was hot.

- You should come.
- Where?

- Roundelay. Chic, right?
- Totally. I want to come.

- We'll be there.
- Awesome.

It starts at 9:00.

Luke, you should come too.

- Can't. I have drinks tonight.
- Ooh.

- You got a hot date, hon?
- Maybe.

Luke had a date?

Or worse, he didn't, and
he was trying to hurt me.

Wait. Would that be worse?

Ugh, how could avoiding
drama be so much drama?

Rude. I can't believe you invited

Hamil-taint to my birthday.

I know, but I was in an awk posish.

Whatever. It's time to
extend another invite.

I'm having Mexican for my birthday.

Reality check. Your
ex-BF has a current GF.

Like that matters. Sergio
has to come tonight,

and then he has to have sex with me.

That's, like, the law of birthdays.

[upbeat dance music]

Man, this is living.

Hey, Jake, you want to
open that beer for me?

♪

Okay.

[laughter]

Ah, jeez. Ugh.

I may have shaken that one up a bit.

- Ha-ha.
- Suls, no pranks at work.

It's after work. Jake thinks it's funny.

Right, Jake?

Yeah, right. Sorry, dude.

I now our pranks are annoying
to everyone except us.

Let's get you cleaned up.

So...

You want to do body shots?

[nervous chuckle] No.

Huh.

Sully's something.

I know she can be a lot

but we're just having
fun. You know what?

It is so nice to be with
a girl who's not constantly

analyzing things and
wanting to DTR and stuff.

Yeah. Sully seems
more like the DTF type.

For sure.

♪ She was hot enough
to break the law ♪

[laughs]

The coolest thing about her, though,

is underneath all her bro-ishness,

I mean, she actually
has a romantic side.

Yo, McKibben!

Oh!

You're a baller! [laughs]

[laughs] Yeah, super romantic.

Ooh.

I'd come full of optimism,
but the club was empty.

Tonight was supposed to be
about reviving old friendships

and making new ones
with my coworkers,

but it looked like all my
coworkers had ditched me.

Except for Luke.

Thought you had a maybe date.

Yeah, well, I knew
you were gonna show up

to this awful club on
time and everyone else

is gonna be an hour
late, so I canceled it.

I hated to think of you sitting alone,

especially when the only
other person here is that dude.

I had been trying to ignore
how much I liked Luke,

but now it was just
impossible to deny.

Luke was a truly great guy.

Not to mention looking
hotter than ever.

So are Ethan and Ophelia coming?

Ethan texted me saying that
Ophelia invited him over

to her place for mojitos and massage,

and Ophelia texted saying

she was gonna try to hook up with Ethan,

but I'm pretty sure that
meant hang out, not hook up.

- Right?
- No, I think she meant hook up.

I know it's dumb, but I really
want them to think I'm cool.

I mean, that's probably why
they didn't come tonight,

because they think I'm
an unsuccessful loser.

Are you kidding me?

They didn't show up
'cause they're flakes.

You're cooler than
both of them combined.

So can I buy you a $20 gin and tonic?

How 'bout a $15 beer? I'm a cheap date.

[techno music]

[giggles]

Ooh.

What do I have to yank
to get a beer around here?

[whispers] This guy.

At these prices, I can see why someone

would turn to prostitution for a drink.

♪

It's natural.

♪

[upbeat club music]

This is where the party's at.

Kill me now.

♪ Admitting you're
counterfeit ♪

♪ You got me, I must admit ♪

♪ Twist your tiny
lies into the truth ♪

♪ Spinning a web
with your fantasies ♪

Hey, I need a marg.

And the bartender's
phone number. Waiter!

I don't work here, psycho!

♪ You're pushing me out
with your jealousy ♪

Okay, one drink.

Marg with salt!

I know.

♪ You're pushing me out
with your jealousy ♪

♪

Oh!

This is pure ginger ale.
There's no booze in it.

Gotcha! Ha-ha! Even.

- Even.
- Okay.

- Definitely.
- We're done.

- Uh-huh, totally. Yes.
- Okay, thank God.

♪ Forget just what you are

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Well, well, well.

Looks like Sergio showed. Told you.

Touché.

♪ And I'll buy
every piece of it ♪

- I knew you'd come.
- Really?

- Did you sit in sugar?
- What?

'Cause you have a sweet ass.

Ugh. Save it.

♪

Two shots of tequila.

Hi. Do you two know each other?

- Sadie, are you okay?
- Not now, Lissa. I'm busy.

♪ Eyes back onto you

♪ You're pushing me out
with your jealousy ♪

♪

♪ You're pushing me out
with your jealousy ♪

You're sending me a
lot of mixed messages.

Shut up.

♪

♪ You're pushing me out
with your jealousy ♪

Whoo.

[driving techno music]

♪

I'm gonna head to the bathroom.

Why don't you go hang out with Tamara?

I think I will.

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

♪

Finally, to do what
I came here for.

No, not to tip a
bathroom attendant $5

for handing me a paper towel;

to spend time with
my best friend.

♪ Where do we belong?

[gasps] Happy birthday, ho.

T, you're the best.

Wow. Bottle service. Isn't
that really expensive?

Who's paying for this?

Oh, don't worry. They'll
pay. Boys always pay,

especially when it's a girl's birthday.

[whispering indistinctly]

Whatever ended up happening
with that guy in New York?

Uh, Jenna, sorry, I
have to put in the time

if Bachelor Number One
and Bachelor Number Two

are gonna pick up the tab, so
can we have this convo later?

Yeah, in like five minutes?

Like five hours.

Sure thing. I'll leave you guys alone.

Had Tamara changed so
much since high school?

Had I? Maybe I just had to accept

that we'd both gone too far
in different directions.

I felt like I didn't know
who my friends were anymore.

Well, I did know one.

♪ As the first time,
as the first time ♪

♪ But the feeling
slipped away ♪

♪ To red, green, blue,
and then I saw you ♪

♪ In the airport ♪

- Mm, thank you.
- ♪ It's the same thing ♪

- Cheers.
- [phone beeps]

_

♪ I watched the
tiles slip away ♪

♪ Into the restroom ♪

- Yeah.
- You should go after her.

I don't know.

Come on. She's obviously upset.

She needs her best friend.

But I don't think she is
my best friend anymore.

Well, then go get her back.

♪ But the vision
slipped away ♪

♪ Into nothing ♪

♪ Ran down my brain stem
and out my fingers ♪

♪ I felt the cold air ♪

♪ And touched your black
hair, the rush of... ♪

Hey, that guy just grabbed my ass.

♪ The colors screened you ♪

Is that how you treat a lady?

Lady? Sully?

No, no, no, no.

She-she-she's just kidding.

It's just this thing we do.

Seriously, Sully, just tell this
gentleman that you were joking.

- Joking.
- How do you know her name?

What are you, a stalker?

Whoa, whoa. Let's just...
why don't we calm it down?

♪ The colors screened you ♪

Hey, why don't you relax, bro?

[crowd gasps]

I'm not your bro, bro.

♪ Through the desert ♪

[crowd gasps]

[glass shatters]

Sully, what the hell?

Dude, I just saved your life.

- You're out here.
- Yeah, I'm going.

My champers! Sully!

[upbeat dance music]

Good night, Roundelay! Whoo!

[grunts]

Do you want to go after Matty?

See if he's okay?

There was no part of me

that wanted to follow
Matty McKibben.

For the first time,

I didn't feel anything for him...

not love, not hate,
just indifference.

No, I don't. Want to get out of here?

Absolutely.

♪

[upbeat club music]

♪

Your card was declined.

The guys didn't pay for it?

What guys? I ran your
card. It was declined.

And you're not going
anywhere until you pay me.

But I can't.

Oh, I just wanted Sadie
to have a nice birthday.

Do I need to call my manager?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No.

Here. Try this one.

♪

[muffled music]

♪

He doesn't deserve you.

♪

Party's over. Time to go.

♪

This was my second all-nighter

with Luke this week.

The first one was great,
but tonight felt special.

And no one even got naked.

I wonder if Ophelia
managed to seduce Ethan?

God, I hope I never find out.

[both chuckle]

Hey...

♪ I never thought in
my wildest fantasy ♪

When I said I didn't want to date,

why did you agree so quickly?

What was I supposed to do, beg you?

No, but you just... jumped at the idea.

I respect that you
want to do well at work.

I don't want to make
you feel bad about it,

but that said, I mean...

if you want to try again...

[relaxed music]

I would be up for that.

I had been trying so hard
to avoid drama with Luke

that I hadn't realized I
was the one causing it.

Things ended badly with Luke
because I ran off after Matty.

But dating Luke when I was
no longer hung up on Matty,

that'd be like dating
him for the first time.

- I think we should try again.
- Me too.

♪

♪ Show you I love you today ♪