Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 5, Episode 10 - Reality Does Not Bite - full transcript

Previously on "Awkward"...

- Sadie and Matty left.
- Matty left?

Not how I saw my senior prom going.

Tamara was living her dream,
and I was going home to live mine.

You are in love with Jenna Hamilton.

You have to tell her.

Take us back to prom.

But this Cinderella was
turning back into a pumpkin.

Oh, what is that?

- Gloria?
- Oh, my God.

My vodka broke.



You mean your water broke?

No, my vodka.

I had it tucked in my
pregnancy underwear.

There's a lot of room in these things.

Oh, relax, it's Fred's.

You really think I'd drink vodka?
I'm pregnant.

Which is why I need to drink vodka.

I'm sorry about that.

You look really pretty, though.

Yeah, Jenna, you're on fire.

- Thank you, guys.
- No, you're on fire.

Help me.

The combination of cheap
vodka and cheaper fabric

had left me burning
to get out of there.



It was time to call it a night.

Thank you for not letting
me call it a night.

It would've been a mistake
to let prom go by

without telling Jenna I'm into her.

You're welcome.

Want your booze back? Liquid courage.

You keep it.

I want to be all there when
I tell Jenna I love her.

Ugh, and I want to be
nowhere near there.

I'll probably projectile vomit
all over this chic-ass dress.

All right, I'll find you later.

Okay, ladies and gents,

this is your senior prom,
which means I expect you all

to behave like...

ladies and gents.

No BJs in the bathroom,
no dirty dancing,

no touching tongues on the dance floor,

and no contact below the waist.

Oh, and most importantly, no booze.

Anyone caught getting
saucy on the sauce

will be banned from
walking at graduation.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
five fingers' distance

between you and your
partner at all times.

Gross.

I've got five fingers and
nowhere to put them.

- You smell amazing.
- What is it?

Deodorant.

Careful, the prude police are watching.

I kind of like not
being engaged anymore.

I feel like I don't have
to be as respectful.

But, like, in a hot way.

You mean like you've been
holding back this whole time

and what you really wanted
to do is rip off my clothes

and treat me like a cheap whore?

- I love that.
- Good.

Since we're not saving ourselves
for marriage anymore,

maybe we can be really disrespectful

to each other tonight?

This is your prom.

We are in a hotel.

You think they have any rooms?

- Hey, sorry I left.
- You left?

- I guess I didn't notice.
- I can see that.

Have you two seen Jenna?

- Yeah, I saw her a bit ago.
- Is everything okay?

It will be, if I can find her.

Oh, well, just keep looking, dude.

She's got to be here somewhere.

Where else would she go?

Oof. Hello.

- What are you doing home?
- Is it over?

Oh, my God. Did prom burn down?

- No, just my night.
- What happened?

I tried my best, okay?

I went, I saw, it conquered me.

Honey.

But it's your senior prom.

Did you win queen?

I left before they announced it.

What?

Why?

It's no big deal.

Do you know what I would've given

to just be nominated for prom queen?

I was pregnant at my prom.

I missed out on so much
because of that, and you...

you left early?

I'm sorry if my leaving
early hurts you,

but I couldn't stay any longer.

I tried, but my first dress got ruined.

My second dress caught on fire,

and Adam showed up to surprise Tamara.

Her dream prom came true.

And I am happy for her,

but I couldn't stay at prom
with no date, a melted dress

just so that you could live out

some vicarious fantasy of a
prom that you never had.

God, I am turning my phone off,
and I am getting ready for bed.

Good night.

Okay.

Sadie, you came back!

I knew you wouldn't abandon me at prom.

Isn't it a dream?

Hallucination, maybe.

I'm about five drinks away
from seeing this as a dream.

- A drink?
- Why didn't you say so?

One cup of prancing pony
punch coming right up.

Looking fierce tonight, queen.

I'm not giving you any
booze, Prince Charmless.

- You either?
- This is oppressive.

Everybody knows that the
only way to get through prom

is in a permanent brown-out.

Blackout light, just the
right amount of drunk.

Hey, we have a room.

Good for you, sluts.

- No, not for hooking up.
- For partying.

We can share.

I don't hate that idea.

I find myself not hating
that idea either.

Hey, Lissa, have you seen Jenna?

I saw the back of her when she left,

which is really uncool.

Prom court pairs are
going to be uneven now.

She left?

Well, at least my prom king is here.

Oops.

Okay, thanks.

Don't listen to me!

I'm not listening.

Jenna...

I told you, I'm done with tonight.

Just hear me out.

I've been thinking about what
you said about me wanting

to experience prom
vicariously through you.

I Googled "vicarious," and
you are not wrong about me

projecting some of my own
stuff onto you in the past,

but that is not what this is about.

I want you to go back for you.

Think about how far you've come.

Do you know how pissed sophomore Jenna

would be at senior Jenna right now?

You were just nominated for prom queen.

The way my night was
going, I wasn't gonna win.

So?

So your night wasn't a dream.

It wasn't perfect.

But if you sit around waiting
for everything to be perfect,

life is gonna pass you by

while you're eating ice
cream in your pajamas.

- I already washed my face.
- Slap on some blush.

- My dress is ruined.
- I can't go in that.

I don't look like a prom queen.

To be honest, that dress
was jacked to begin with.

You know, I don't think
those people nominated you

because of how you look.

I think you were nominated
because of how you are.

All those people liked you
enough to vote for you.

Are you really gonna insult
them by not being there?

Mom was right... it was
time to put the rocky road

that was tonight behind me.

Plus, eating your feelings
only works in Lifetime movies.

All right, I'll go back.

Yay!

Oh, sorry, dress.

Eh, it had nothing left to lose.

Jenna, you're back!

And you're wearing a sundress.

Why isn't everyone dancing?

Whoria Gloria... or just Gloria,
back away from your date.

Double pregnant is a real thing.

Does that answer your question?

Val is acting like a crazy lady.

You mean like herself?

Yeah, but worse.

- You think I don't see you.
- I do.

Hey, easy, tiger.

Hey, I know that your heart
is in the right place here,

but it's their senior prom, so
let them have a little fun.

But they're almost done,

and this is my last
chance to mold them.

Well I think you deserve
a little fun too, hmm?

Come on.

You know I can't resist you in khaki.

That's right.

Did I miss prom court announcements?

No, we haven't done it yet
because nobody's here.

Ugh!

Where is everybody?

Five fingers, bitch.

Well, it's not a private room,

but it's free, and no one's
paying attention to us.

I can't believe we're gonna
have sex for the first time

on prom night.

How hot is that?

Tamara, we can't exactly
have sex in here.

Well, of course not right
here, but there's a bathroom.

♪ Tell everybody get up,
get up, get up, get up ♪

Oh, sh...

- Hey, Matty.
- So is this a thing?

You come to this door
and not the front one?

Uh...

- First time?
- Ah.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hamilton.

I'm just looking for Jenna.
Is she here?

She was, but then she left.

Her mother drove her back to the prom.

- Oh.
- Everything all right?

- Yeah, totally.
- Thanks.

Hey, I ever tell you about my prom?

Man, what a night. Can
I get you something?

Come here. Take a load off.

Chill out.

- Here, it's a tasty concoction.
- Try it.

Is this apple vodka?

I thought gays had better taste.

This drink is a hate crime.

Snatchy!

Miss Saxton if you're nasty.

- Janet Jackson reference.
- Respect.

- Thank you, Two Directions.
- Zing again!

Ah, where'd you find this guy?

- Boys "R" Us.
- Jesus, they've multiplied.

I'm sorry for calling you basic
for wanting to go to prom.

- That was basic of me.
- It's okay.

Dressing up like Janet's
brother Michael

circa the "Bad" tour
definitely makes up for it.

So this is where everyone is?

Sadie?

Even you?

And, Theo, you're
supposed to be my date.

I worked so hard to make
tonight the best prom ever.

Why doesn't anyone appreciate it?

Thanks a lot, Hamiltuna.

- How is this my fault?
- I just got here.

Any time any of my friends is upset,

it always leads back to you.

Come on, you gays, we're
going back downstairs.

Lissa doesn't deserve any of this.

- Do we have to?
- It's so lame down there.

Not anymore.

Not anymore!

Back then, we called them love bites.

So then Lacey's dad walks in.

He's like, "I think that my daughter

is allergic to something in your car."

And I'm just sitting there
trying not to laugh.

I'm trying not to laugh right now.

- It's very, very hilarious.
- Right?

So then Lacey gets this idea.

She's like, "We should just...
I think..."

- Hey, so, Mr. Hamilton...
- Huh?

This has been great.

- I really... I got to go.
- Where?

Back to prom.

I am trying to get in
one dance with Jenna

before the whole thing's over.

Oh, why didn't you say something?

Hey, go get our girl.

- Okay.
- All right.

I'm really sorry for leaving you alone.

That was not charming.

You pulled together the
most original prom

that any of these Conrad
clones will ever see,

and I love you for it.

Aw, that's so sweet.

♪ Follow the leader,
follow the leader ♪

Hey, Lissa, this punch is great!

Thanks!

Yeah, it's delicious.

Yay, someone cast a spell over prom

and made it enchanted again!

Bibbity bobbity booze.

- Huh?
- Huh?

Best prom ever!

Hey, have you seen Jenna?

Every night in every dream.

How about tonight?

Uh, yeah, she's probably
upstairs in the party room,

but you're not going up
there right now, are you?

They're about to announce
prom court, and...

well, I'm not supposed
to tell anyone, but, uh,

I'm winning king.

- You are?
- Yeah, Troy told me.

He knows the girl who
counts the votes, so...

Oh, that is great, dude.

I will be back in time for
your big moment, I promise.

♪ Follow the leader,
follow the leader ♪

♪ Follow the leader,
f-f-follow the leader ♪

♪ Follow the leader,
f-follow the leader ♪

Hello?

Oh, hey, have you seen Jenna?

- Hey.
- Jenna?

She left.

- Again?
- Again? What do you mean again?

- She left, like, two hours ago.
- She came back.

You haven't seen her?

- I haven't seen anyone in...
- 45 minutes?

That's... okay.

Pretty strong face salute you
gave Vanessa back there.

I believe that's what's
referred to as a "bitch slap."

Which one of you is the bitch?

Fair.

Are you sure you're not embarrassed

to be dancing with me right now?

I shouldn't have said that
you taking a gap year

was embarrassing, but you
clearly got me back, Jacob.

It was not fun watching
my friends climb over you

like a human jungle gym.

Yeah, what's up with that?

Hmm.

Girls are weird.

You know that.

Including you.

You only wanted me back when
you saw me with Vanessa,

which I'm okay with.

Use me.

Okay, a big part

of why I freaked out about
the gap year thing is,

I don't know what we're
doing next year.

I don't really want a boyfriend
while I'm brand-new at Stanford.

Does that make sense?

Yeah, I didn't want to be
the one to break it off,

but I didn't know how it was
gonna work with me down here

and you all the way up there.

So I guess we should
go our separate ways?

The calmest breakup I've
ever been a part of.

- Me too.
- I'm kind of impressed by us.

- Yeah.
- Are you impressed by this?

Am I embarrassing you, Gabby?

I'm not embarrassed.

But those people should be.

Whoa, it looks like someone forgot

the "nothing below the waist" rule!

- Valerie Marks?
- Five-finger distance please.

Also, it's time to crown
the prom king and queen.

All prom court nominees,
please come up to the stage.

- Matty, let's go, let's go!
- Ooh, watch my dress.

- All right, everyone shape up.
- We're gonna start here.

Can I get everyone's attention?
Look over here.

- Ugh!
- Okay, all right.

Time to crown some Palos Hills royalty.

- Idiots, they'll see this.
- Prom court, yeah!

Young lady, what do you have there?

Empty liquor bottles, sir.

I know, but they're not mine.

Miss Saxton, have
you been drinking tonight?

How was I supposed to know
that the punch was spiked?

I'd never voluntarily
drink lighter fluid.

- Let me see the purse.
- What is this?

A stop and frisk?

I'm a U.S. citizen. I have rights.

You're a student, so
actually, you don't.

Give me the purse.

You're not walking at graduation.

Those were the rules.

But I'm valedictorian.

I'm giving a speech.

Not anymore you're not.

The moment you've all been waiting for.

It is time to crown some
Palos Hills royalty.

Gonna do it any second now,
right after a drum roll.

Can we get a drum roll in here?

Is there a drum roll?

Okay, forget it. That's all right.

Um, and your prom queen is...

Heather Lee.

No hard feelings?

And your king is...

Kyle!

Your king is Kyle!

Okay!

Thanks, buddy!

And thanks to all of you.

You've made me very proud.

- That's good.
- All right.

Tha... That's great. That's too much.

All right, time for your
spotlight dance with your court.

Have at it, royals.

You're better than all of us.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

♪ It's not your fault
that I can't use words ♪

- So I wasn't queen.
- So what?

I was still glad to be there.
Mom was right.

I shouldn't miss this moment
even if it wasn't about me.

Uh...

can I cut in?

Yeah, I prefer blondes anyway.

I guess that makes you a gentleman.

- Why?
- Gentlemen prefer blondes.

Duh, it's a hair commercial.

Jenna, I know a lot has
happened between us.

We've both made mistakes, I've
messed up more than once,

and I can tell that you're
over it, but the thing is...

I love you.

I just do.

And it's not something
I can decide to do

or decide not to do.

It's just... it's like breathing.

I always have, and I
always will, and I just...

I couldn't let your senior prom
go by without telling you.

I couldn't believe it.

It was the most romantic
moment any girl had ever had

at any prom, but he was right.

We had both hurt each
other so many times,

it was just...

too late.

Jenna, you know what? You
don't even have to answer.

I love you, and I just had to say that.

Okay, that's the end of
the prom court dance.

Everyone, have at it!

Matty, wait!

I love you.

I always have.

I just had to say it.

♪ I'll be burning for you,
I'll be burning for you ♪

♪ I'll be burning for you
like I'm burning up right ♪

♪ I'm burning up like,
I'm burning up like ♪

In the end, I didn't get my dream prom,
but the reality was so much better.

♪ I'm burning up like,
I'm burning up like ♪