Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 3 - Touched by an Angel - full transcript

Previously on Awkward...

- So you didn't DTR?
- We're seniors.

We don't need to DT anything.

We had fun,
and I'm not gonna overthink it.

I want to break up.

Do you really want to be
single in senior year?

I'm sorry to bother you,

but I know
you've been avoiding me,

- and I'm just wondering why.
- I'm adopted.

After Matty dropped the bomb
that his family wasn't nuclear,

I knew it was time to adopt



a new attitude
towards our relationship.

I had spent all that time

worrying Matty
was shutting me out.

But he actually ended up
letting me in...

on the fact
that he was adopted,

and his parents
had never bothered to tell him.

Reality check for Jenna...

time to stop making
everything about me.

Val!

I'm really excited
for the peer-mentoring program.

Me too.

With you girls shouldering
some of my counseling burden,

I'll have
two afternoons a week free

for some much-needed
alone time.



Oh, look, there's
your mentee now... Prudence.

She reminded me of me...

a lost lamb headed for the
slaughter that is high school.

I decided
I would be there for her,

the way I wished
someone had been there for me...

well, someone sane.

I would listen to her.
I would support her.

And I would keep her
out of harm's way.

Oh, my God.
I'm Jenna.

Are you okay, Prudence?

The last person that called me
that got throat-punched.

_

- Oh, are you...
- Call me Angel.

Have you heard anything
going around

about Jake dumping me?

It is all about
who controls the story.

Jake better not
make up anything

about our breakup
that isn't true.

I did not get dumped.
I knew the ending was pending.

Do you ever think that maybe
we spend a little too much time

wondering about what Jake
and Matty are thinking?

- Uh, no.
- Okay.

99% of the time it's probably
not about us at all.

Who are you,

and what have you done
with "I am Jenna Hamilton"?

Hello, Jacob.

Hello, ladies.
Take it easy.

"Take it easy"?

What is the subtext
in that context...

that I'm taking it hard?

Maybe he meant take it easy.

- He wants to be your friend.
- We just broke up, Jenna.

You can't just transition
from BF to BFF

without some D in between.

- D?
- Drama.

Okay.
Maybe you can.

We're seniors.
We're adults now.

Ending the relationship

doesn't have to mean
ending the friendship.

I mean, look at Matty and I.

In a lot of ways,
we're closer than ever.

Because you had ex sex?
That doesn't mean you're close.

That just means
your naughties are.

No, because we share things
with each other

that we wouldn't share
with just anyone,

sort of like
emotional intimacy.

Okay, what does that even mean?

Are you guys dating
or merely mating?

I don't know.

Well, you better
figure it out now,

because I am officially
not spending my senior year

staring at
your "Am I in or am I out" pout.

She had a point.

In the past, Matty had been
a giant, flaky slice

in my pie chart
of preoccupations.

But things were different now.

Hey.
How are you?

I'm fine.

Have you spoken
to your parents yet?

No, and I don't really want
to talk about that at school,

- or at all, really.
- I get it.

Listen,
I know this sounds stupid,

but I was worrying
for, like, a whole day

that you regretted
hooking up with me.

Jenna, I need to be able
to not talk to you for one day

and not have you assume
I'm not into you.

I-I know.
I said it was stupid.

I'm into you.

I'm into you too.

And I just thought
that if we'd said it

that neither one of us would
have to worry about what we are.

Okay.

What are we?

We are two consenting adults

who care
about each other deeply

and enjoy expressing
that care physically...

from time to time.

Friends...

With benefits.

I wasn't aware
that was what I was proposing.

But if that's what it meant
to be close,

but to not have to examine
what it meant all the time,

then, hey, I was in.

Yeah.
I guess we are.

I'm down.

I'll see you later... friend.

Oh.

Hey, I'm around to talk later
after school.

Yeah, maybe I'll, uh,
hit you up later.

But it won't be to talk.

Okay, so maybe
emotional intimacy

wasn't something you could
achieve between bio and gym,

but at least he knew
I was there for him.

Welcome to the first meeting
of We're Here, We're Peers.

Now let's get mentoring.

Being the chicken soup
for someone else's soul

is a delicate brew,

but you're about to learn
from the master chef.

I've matched up
each senior girl

with a freshman
in need of guidance.

There will be a progress review
at the end of the week,

where each freshman
will share what she learned,

and each senior will get
a community-service credit.

I love your maxi dress!

It's called hijab.
We wear it for modesty.

Aw.
Well, you seem nice.

It's too bad
you won't get into Heaven.

It's too bad you won't get
into Jannah dressed like that.

Is that the new three-level,
over-18 club in Westwood?

It's Muslim Heaven.
It has seven levels.

I don't know why
you need counseling, Caitlin.

You seem supes together.

Thanks.
I'm grateful, not hateful.

Being a joiner
is just in my DNA.

Same.
Don't hate...

- participate.
- Participate.

Trippy.

I need less virgin
at the bus stop

and more whore on the floor.

But I've never had sex.

And I've never bitch-slapped
an Olsen twin,

but that does not stop me
from dressing like I have.

Wear it till you tear it.

Sadie.

S-A-D...

I-E.

Do you not speak English?
Mine's broken!

I got a broken one.

She's an exchange student
from Ezpa?a.

Sorry, that's what was left.

Earlier, Shiri and Angel had
an altercation in the hallway.

This is what I call
a teachable moment.

"It makes me feel angry when
I don't feel I am being heard."

"It make me a-feel..."

- Faster.
- ?Qu? es "Angry"?

- Okay, I...
- ?Enojado?

I got a parent-teacher meeting
off campus in about an hour.

So why don't we have
your mentors

show you how it's done, huh?

"It makes me feel angry"...

When manic pixie dream girls,

who have spent
the last three years

giving handies
in the sanctuary,

all of a sudden find ambition
in time for college apps

and monopolize my free period
with touchy-feely bull caca.

I wanted to respond in kind
to Sadie's unkind rant,

but I wanted to succeed
as a mentor even more,

and that meant embracing
the exercise...

and the enemy.

It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.

Ew!
Bad touch!

Bad touch!

Seriously, I am going to puke.

Oh, hey,
you can have the table.

I got a working lunch...
working on my music.

Okay, flag on the player...

he's trying to spin this.

Giving me the lunch table,

he is trying to look
like the good guy.

Can't you just accept
that maybe he is the good guy?

I'm telling you,
this is how mature breakups go.

Well, if he's expecting
ex sex from me,

we are not there...

yet.

Can I crash with you bitches?

Hey, Matty, are you not eating?

Nope, not hungry.

Oh, well,
if you get hungry later,

I'll never finish this uni.

Jake won't mind if you spend
some QT with some cuties.

This lunch table
is neutral ground. Sit.

Yeah, I don't want to sit,

and I don't want uni,
whatever that is.

What I want to do is go
to the gym and lift weights,

which is where I was headed
before you guys stopped me.

Jesus,
someone's on the roid rag.

Cut him some slack.
He's going through a rough time.

You just had sex with him.

Would it kill him to hang
for one panini?

He doesn't have to treat me
like a girlfriend.

We have an understanding.
We're friends, not a couple.

? I guess I'm out of luck
because?

? Tomorrow never comes?

? Tomorrow never comes?

OM Jesus cree!
He is Taylor Swifting me!

? Waiting and waiting
and waiting?

? Tomorrow never comes?

? And I keep waiting
and waiting and waiting on?

? Tomorrow never comes?

Fake Jake!

You're pulling
a Timberlake post Britney,

a Taylor Swift post, like,
everybody.

This wannabe remix to Jakara
is totally misleading!

Tomorrow does come when tomorrow
is properly stimulated.

This song's not about you.

It's "Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow Never Comes."

It's about the hopelessness
of love.

You did break my heart.

- Aw.
- Oh.

But the song's
still not about you.

Oh, cry me a river, Rosati!

Now, this is the beauty
of subcontracting my job.

Should've done it ages ago.

Mmm. Mmm.

Aah! Aah!

Okay,
maybe it was an odd combo,

but the groupon was so cheap.

It's kind of hard
to enjoy a slow-roasted meat

when you're having my pubic hair
ripped out at the root.

It's also highly unsanitary.

Val, it got a B!

Oh, I thought
that was for "Brazilian."

? She works
at the local taqueria?

? She always smiles at me?

? When I go there?

What up, mentor?

I need a little peer counseling.
You got a minute?

Sure.

Is it okay to hook up

with three guys in one night?

- You mean at the same time?
- Of course not.

I'm not a slut.

Angel, will you hold on a sec?

Is that Matty McKibben?

Silf!
Senior I'd like to...

We're just friends.

Mm.

Friends with benefits!
Boo-yah!

Um, I have to go.

But don't do anything
I wouldn't do.

What is that, back door?

Hey. Come here.

This was a much
different Matty from earlier.

Clearly working out
had put him in a better mood.

I didn't know
you were coming over tonight.

I wanted to see you.

Or maybe it had just
put him in the mood.

Uh, I have
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on DVD.

I know it's dorky,
but, uh, it always cheers me up.

- You want to watch it?
- Yeah.

Can we...
watch it laying down?

Matty seemed solely focused

on the benefits
of our friendship,

but I can't really say
I minded.

Hey.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Hi, Matty!
- Hi.

Uh, Jenna, do you have
any of those painkillers left

from when you had
your wisdom teeth out?

That's the last time
I got to a discount spa.

Thank you.

This is worse
than the time I had crabs.

- Mom!
- From Nana's Afghan!

She got it from a thrift store
in the valley.

Ah!

Eeh.

- Do you still want to...
- I think I'm good.

We can just hang.

Uh, yeah, I'm not really
in the mood to just hang.

But I will see you tomorrow.

There would be no bang-bang
that night,

and that seemed
to make Matty's good mood

once again turn chitty.

Hey, man, what did that
water bottle ever do to you?

Oh. Nothing.

My, uh... my parents suck.

Why?

Just... since they split up,
they are even worse than usual.

- So...
- Yeah, splitting up sucks.

I mean,
unless it's from Tamara,

and then
it's the best thing ever.

Hey, man, no offense,
but do you mind

if we, uh, don't talk anymore?

Yeah, dude.
No, we don't have to talk.

We're guys...

Senior guys.

I think it's about time

we should start cashing in
the those chips.

Are you seeing this?

He has groupies...

even my peer mentee, Caitlin.

One of his
"Whoreceror's" apprentices

made him a fan page last night.

Um, it says you're no longer
connected to this user.

He blocked me?

Oh, game on.

What are you doing with
that hideous thing on your head?

Learning about Muslim culture.
It's really neat.

Like, do you know Muslims
have seven levels of Heaven?

We only have one!

And each level is like
a Sandals Resort, but better.

Shiri,
find the nearest mental ward.

Why can't she wear her scarf?

Have I taught you nothing?

Take this down.

"You're not being a good friend
when you don't tell someone

they look ridiculous"...

Which you do.

You're welcome.

Okay! Listen up!

Presidential announcement...

there will be no more music
in the cafeteria.

It is distracting to people who
are actually trying to study.

- What? No!
- She's right.

This is a public place,

which is why
I'm having a private concert

at my place tomorrow night.

So who's in?

Uh, sorry, sweetie.

There's a mandatory
peer-mentor meeting

tomorrow night at Jenna's.

- There is?
- What, you have other plans?

Matty might show up
unexpectedly.

He did last night.

Jenna, I don't watch TV
in the summer.

- Know why?
- No, why?

Because I hate reruns.

This is just
like sophomore year.

He's getting what he wants,
and you're not.

And what is it exactly
that I want?

To be more than Matty's
sex-tracurricular activity.

I don't care
how emotionally intimate he is.

If he can't be civil to you
at lunch

or make plans with you
rather than just showing up

whenever he feels like it,
then...

You're his F buddy,
not his friend.

Hey, Jenna, got another
mentor question for you.

When going down,

is it customary to take out
your tongue ring?

Okay.

So here's the first stop
on the Jenna Hamilton

scared-straight tour of campus.

This is where I had
many ill-advised secret hookups.

I didn't respect myself,
and worst of all,

I didn't demand respect
from guys.

Hey, Hamilton.
Looking good. 'Sup?

Wow.
This is the balls...

a place where you can
come during school to get some?

All right, all right.

All right.

Okay, and this is where
I spent many lunches alone

after completely alienating
all of my friends.

Oh, hey, biatches.

Thank God
there's at least one place

where we can pierce in peace.

Just go get
some antibiotic cream.

You're gonna need it
for lots of stuff.

Cool.

No, not cool.

Okay, last stop,
the parking lot.

This is where losers go
to cut class.

I used to come here
and sit and stare

and avoid everything I should
have been dealing with in life.

Matty?

- What are you doing?
- Huh?

Nothing.

I'll see you later, okay?

Are you high?

Nope.

Come on, your eyes are all red.

You've either been smoking
or crying.

Matty, are you okay?

It had become clear
that Matty was using sex

to avoid what he really
should've been dealing with.

I wanted to respect
his feelings,

but I needed to feel
respected myself.

Come on, let's get in the back.

Ignoring that was one mistake
I couldn't afford to repeat.

Matty, I'm not sure
this is what you really need.

How do you know what I need?

Because I know
what you're going through.

You have no clue
what I am going through.

Well, I'm trying to.
I'm trying to be...

- To be what?
- A friend.

But the way you're acting
is making me feel

less like a buddy
and more like a fuck.

I'm sorry
you see it that way, Jenna.

I guess I've just been
a little busy

dealing with the fact that
my entire life has been a lie.

- And I'm sorry about that...
- That is just it, Jenna.

I don't want your sympathy.

I just want to be left
the hell alone!

No, I didn't mean it like that.

So you just want to...

For right now, yeah.

So if you can't handle that,
then just tell me.

I can't handle it.

? I wish, I wish I...?

? Could shut it off?

You see, that's why

it's very important
to have goals.

It is 8:15.

Caitlin is officially
bitch-ditching.

I know that slut-skank
went to Jake's.

You mean like everybody else?

Why am I here
if no one else has to be?

She's probably giving
his privates a concert

as we speak,

but I will never know
because he blocked me!

You're not dating him anymore.

Angel, earmuffs.

I am not dating him,

but that doesn't mean
I want anybody else dating him!

It's a classic Biznatch-22.

I want nothing to do with him,

but I have to know everything
that's going on with him.

I'm signing it "Fire Crotch."

- Yeah!
- Whoa, whoa! Mom!

We're writing a revenge review
of the "Spastaurant"

that gave us coochie poisoning.

What do you think?

"I've seen cleaner floors
in a Bangkok bathhouse."

- That was mine.
- Swish!

Okay, are you sure
you want to make enemies

with people who spear meat
onto sharp sticks?

It's fine.
We made up a fake name.

- That's smart!
- Mm-hmm.

Well, you bitches
really know how to throw down.

- It's been a real eye-opener.
- Really?

Really! I'm totally ready for
the progress meeting tomorrow.

? Loosen up?

_

_

? Loosen up?

_

"Have we met?"

"No, but I listened
to some music on your fan page."

"You are cute."

Welcome, everyone,
to We're Here, We're Peers.

Let's find out
if we've learned anything, hmm?

Shiri?

I have learned
that it does not pay to be shy.

You got to tell people
what they need to hear.

Like you...

you need a pop of color.
You look like a vampire.

Polka dots are for clowns
in the circus.

And fanny packs are solely meant
for the elderly and disabled.

De nada.

Gracias,Shiri.

Hi, baby. Hey, Angel.

Sorry I'm late, sweetie.
I wouldn't miss your big moment.

I got to be honest.

I didn't think
I had anything to learn

from this stupid program.

All my life I never really knew
what I wanted to be,

and I didn't care.

But now I have met someone
who's so freakin' cool

that I want to be
just like her.

And thanks to my mentor, Jenna,
I have set a goal.

I want to be 16 and pregnant!

And I have Jenna
and her badass mom to thank

for inspiring me.

I feel like a failure
as a mentor.

Yeah, but your mom
is the coolest.

So you can't really blame Angel
for wanting to be like her.

And don't be so hard
on my girl.

Do you remember when you were
first brought to my office?

You totally pushed me away.

But I stayed on you
because I cared,

and I knew that
your crappy, crappy attitude

had nothing to do with me.

Don't give up...

except on this program.

After he hears
about Angel's speech,

Principal Cox will probably
pull the plug.

But...
don't give up, in general.

I won't.

Yeah, probably shouldn't
get too close

until I get rid of this rash.

Val was right...
I needed to stay on Matty,

because the more
he pushed me away...

the more he really needed me.

And I was going to be there
for him.

Oh, hey, Jenna.

Uh, is Matty here?

Yeah, but I'm not sure
he's up for company.

You were right... he's really not
in a great place right now.

I think he just needs someone
to talk to.

Unfortunately, it looked like
Eva had gotten there first.

I'll tell him you stopped by.

? When the sky fell down?

Next on Awkward...

If the seniors
don't win Spirit Week,

I'll jump overboard.

For the first time
in recorded history,

the seniors might lose
Spirit Week.

Shit just got real.

So Matty had completely
replaced me in his life...

Eva for conversation,

and Mackenzie
was clearly available

for whatever else he needed.

It must suck to be old
and undesirable.