Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 10 - Snow Job: Part 1 - full transcript

Previously on Awkward...

Next fall, I'd be starting
a whole new life.

I have this great photo of you.

Nothing happened that night,
and you know it.

Is there a reason why you
haven't sent me my essay?

Matty, you want
your essay so bad,

why don't you go
and get it yourself?

You left something in my bed
last night, girlfriend.

Nice try.

The senior ski trip
was legendary--

legendary for being
less about hitting the slopes



than just hitting it.

The only thing
I was gonna be hitting

was my ass on the snow.

My boyfriend was stuck
in his dorm studying,

and I could barely ski.

Did I really need to be here
to watch a bunch of ski bunnies

hump like bunnies?

[Clears throat]

[Giggling]

Hey, Jenna.

Do you want to sit by us?

Fair warning, big ass bus
plus windy roads

gives me major
motion malfunction.

You may see winter chunderland
before winter wonderland.



Lovely.

Palos Hill seniors.

We are about to embark
on a journey

that will rock your world
and blow your mind.

[Cheers and applause]

Especially because I came up
with a novel social experiment

to tear your walls down,
to get real.

Hashtag realness.

To get you ready for college

with open minds, open hearts,
and open souls.

What about open orifices?

[Laughter]

Now, because colleges
assign the roommates randomly,

I have decided to override
all of your rooming requests

and assign
your roomies randomly.

[All groan]

Everyone needs to break out
of their cliques.

Cliquishness leads to bullying,

and you know how I feel
about bullying.

I have zero tolerance.

You keep interrupting me,
mouth breather,

and I will make your life
a living hell.

[Indistinct muttering]

Scoot over.

Who'd you get?

Gloria?

Oh, my God,

Whoria Gloria,
the hookup queen?

Housekeeping will need to
change her sheets

every ten seconds.

Let's not be judgy.

Thank you.

Do you know what it's like
being pegged in this school?

It's a snake pit.

I was the suicide girl.

I know.

Anyway, I'll hardly ever
be in the room.

Cold weather makes me
horny as fuck.

[Scoffs]

Look at that desperate deviant.

How can she even
look you in the eye

after leaving her skivvies
in your sheets?

Wow.

Look at you,
museum of tolerant.

Well, people do desperate
things when they're in love.

Oh, please.

Says the girl
who stayed up for 96 hours

catfishing her boyfriend
with a bad Australian accent.

Judgy-wudgy was a bore.

Eva's his problem now.

Cute that you think that,

but I'd keep my eyes open.

She's really threatened by you.

Well, I'm not threatened
by her.

Ugh.

Jake is all over Lissa,

which is just horny desperate,

the Hail Mary pass
at the vestal virgin.

And that's Jake's problem.

Why are we spending so much time

worrying about
other people's problems

when we can focus on
our senior ski trip?

Okay, this whole reasonable
thing you're doing?

So boring.

Matty, can you get rid of
the barnacle for a second

so we can talk skiing?

Sadie.

It's fine, Matty;
she needs some time with you.

I understand.

Okay, let's talk
black diamonds.

Sadie, Eva and I are
on this trip as a couple,

and she's starting to pick up
on your hostility.

Oh, good.

And, to be honest,

she's worried about you.

That you-- you might have
feelings for me.

Okay, you can't be serious.

She told me about
your conversation.

What conversation?

I don't talk to that freak.

Our kiss.

How hurt you were that I didn't
think it meant anything.

But I just want you to know
how much I love you, okay?

As friends.

It's better that we lay
all our cards out on the table

and communicate our feelings.

You are so right, Matty.

And now I'm going to
communicate mine.

[Screaming]

No, no, no!
No violence!

No violence.
Zero tolerance.

Eva started it.

She's right.

I don't know what I did,
but I'm sure I deserve it.

[Shushing]

No, no, no, sweetheart.

You mustn't blame yourself.

Everyone, this is
a teachable moment.

The victim, the abusee,
is blaming herself

for the abuser's
hatred and violence.

Well, guess what?

Not on my watch.

I've decided to carpe
all over this diem.

This is our one and only
senior ski trip.

If that means I take a walk
on the slutty side, I'm in.

You know, your hair
looks great lately.

It really-- it shines.

Thanks.

I've been using argan oil.

It gives me volume too.

I am not spending
this ski trip solo.

Not everyone's
gonna be hooking up, T.

We can ski together.

The only slopes
that need riding are mine.

Hey.

You guys super psyched
for our senior ski trip?

This air is oppressive.

So clean.

How are we supposed to breathe
air without toxins in it?

Dude, check out Groper.

Major meat in these woods.

Time to go hunting.

- Hungry!
- Hungry!

So you want to hit the slopes
with your pops?

I can shred.

You know what would make this
senior ski trip super great?

If I could pretend my parents
weren't on it with me.

Honey, you're going to college
in less than nine months.

We don't have that much time
left together.

Just ski with us.

- No?
- No.

- Please.
- No.

Don't worry, Ty Ty,
it won't hurt you.

It's just like rain, only cold.

I have skied in Switzerland,
dear sister.

Gstaad is epic.

Tyler is so full of surprises.

I didn't even know
he had a word for snow.

Hey, Tamara.

Want to go for a run.

I am so up to go down.

Down the mountain,
I mean, right now.

Cool.

Jenna?

I'm still psyching myself up.

Go ahead.

Jenna.

You remember your father saying
he would teach me to ski, right?

You remember me saying
I'd put her in ski school.

You are an old man.

You cannot keep up
with Matty and Jake.

Fine, let's get on the chair.

Oh, God, the chair?

No, I'm not getting
on that thing.

Well, as far as I know,

that's the only way
up the mountain.

Hey, you.

I need you in the singles line.

The singles line.

Skiing equivalent of being

the loser no one wanted to
sit with in the cafeteria.

J!

You look like a sadsy over there
all by yourself.

You want to go on a run
with Biggie and me?

No, thanks.

I'm waiting for someone.

It's not freshies,

but any snow is good snow,
right?

Welcome to my mountain,
and be safe.

Whoa, hey, freshie.

No bear paws in my honey pot.

[Growls]

Oh, hey, look,
it's the Three Musketeers.

You want to come shred
with your folks?

No, thanks.

I'm-- I'm good.

Come on, cupcake.

Kevin. Kev--
Hel-- help me.

My snow adventure
was already a meltdown.

I really needed some TLC.

Oh, there we go.

There we go.

_

Hey, beautiful.

It was like magic.

He was like magic.

Suddenly, I had
my mountain high.

Oh!

- That's it.
- Oh, my God.

- That's it.
- Oh, my God.

You got it.

Yes.

You're skiing.

This is it.

[Screams]

You know, for a beginner,
you're really a beginner.

Well, luckily
there is lots of time

before the next Winter Olympics.

Hey.

Oh, you guys
made it down faster,

but we all end up
in the same place.

Jenna, we've been down
four times.

[Screams]

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

Oops.

Matty and I had been
*** around each other

since the essay
misunderstanding,

so maybe it was time
to be on more solid ground,

even if we were
hanging by a cable

8 million feet in the air.

Eva and Luke certainly
seem to be hitting it off.

She can talk to anyone.

She always has
so much to talk about.

What does that mean?

I didn't mean it
to come out that way.

Or did I?

There was definitely
some weirdness with Eva,

but it wasn't gonna do me
any good

to get into it with Matty.

I didn't mean anything.

She's just...

interesting.

Jenna, do you have a problem
with Eva?

She's a lying slunt,
and that's where she lives.

I didn't know I was
driving you to a catfight.

I would have charged more.

You're charging me?

That's rude.

Just gas.

Maybe a neck rub.

You stress me, Sadita.

You're so uptight all the time,
it's contagious.

There won't be a catfight,

because that ratchet whore
is on the ski trip.

Then what are we doing here?

I just need some intel.

And stay in the truck.

What, you don't want to be
seen with me?

This isn't a good neighborhood
for you.

Jenna, she already told me
all of this,

but she said that you showed up
at school

and accused us
of having sex in your bed.

That's not what happened.

I just told you
I would never think that.

That's what she wanted me
to believe.

That's a little hard
to believe.

Yeah, well,
it's hard to believe

that I'd find her panties
in my bed too.

Yeah, it is.

Look, I don't know
what this is all about,

or what your problem
is with her,

but I-I really like her.

So could you do me a favor
and just back off?

Yeah, sure, Matty.

Happy to.

[Screams]

Bend at the waist.

- Bend at the waist.
- I'm trying.

Graceful like a swan.

[Laughter]

Look at me, Matty.

Man, Eva sure picked up
riding fast for a newbie.

Must have been all that time
in Switzerland with the DJ.

No, that guy
was afraid of heights.

Sounds like she told you
her whole life story.

Hardly, Jenna.

We were only in the chair
for 15 minutes.

Yeah, well, she can get
a lot out in 15 minutes.

[Doorbell chimes]

The hose is in the side yard,

and you need to pick up
the dog poops.

That is rude and racist.

He is not a gardener.

He is a short order cook.

Yeah, and princess over here

serves hot dogs
to construction workers.

What do you want?

I'm a friend of Eva's,
Eva Mansfield.

I'm Eva Mansfield.

Thousands and thousands
of dollars.

The credit card people
are still after me.

Look, they don't even think
I'm me.

Have you ever seen
such criminal behavior?

Lady, my dad's a cop.

Why isn't her name
on any of these?

She's a juvenile.

Her name's been redacted.

This is my favorite part
of skiing.

Me too.

No, no.

The best apres
is in Val D'Isere.

No, no, Courchevel.

The best I had was in Lech.

Lech, like where
the sea monster is?

[Speaking foreign language]

No, dear sister, in Austria.

As long as it's not
on St. Moritz.

There's too many,
how you say, Russians.

[Laughter]

Well, Snow Valley's
pretty awesome

for local skiing, though.

As long as there's snow,
schnapps, and gorgeous women,

I'm happy.

Oui.

Pete, that was so sweet of you
to coach me today,

but just so you know,

my best moves aren't on skis.

You did pretty good
for a beginner.

Thanks,
but I'm much more agile,

you know, when I'm not wearing
all those bulky clothes.

Yeah, but you can't really
ski naked.

Okay, so do you want to
get in the hot tub?

Oh, man.

Sad, desperate heteros.

- Oppressive.
- Excuse me.

People relaxing here.

Well, we can't relax,

because this broke down
winter shithole

has busted cell service,

which means Groper's gone limp.

Which means we got to get laid
the old-fashioned way.

Why don't you guys
just go to a gay bar?

Why don't you just go to
a hetero ghetto?

We're in a hetero ghetto.

Can we get out of here, please?

The hot tub's calling me.

Oh.

Looks like Jenna and Luke
staked out the best spot.

No, there's plenty of room.

Not a good idea.

Plus, I feel like
she's staring daggers at me.

Eva, I think you're being
a little bit paranoid.

You're right.

- I'll go get hot chocolates.
- Okay.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

Oh, my--

[Gasps]

I am so sorry.

I didn't see you there.

Why would you do that?

You knew I was right there.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, it's just--

it's just--
it's just a little hot.

Can we just go back to the room?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seriously, can you
just stay away?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.

Jenna, was it a bad idea
that I came here this weekend?

What?
No, no.

Because if you have stuff
to work out with Matty,

I have schoolwork
that I'm ignoring.

I just--
Can you just--

I need to be alone
for a few minutes.

So, what's wrestling like?
Sweaty?

Do you just, like,
pick someone up

and throw them down
on that mat?

No, it's not like that at all.

It's really all about
the footwork.

Mm, I love footwork.

You wrestle?

This is a sick stew of basic.

Well, no one invited you
to join.

That's why we didn't ask.

Ooh, it's so cozy in here.

Hot bubbles
are the best thing ever.

WTF, Jake?

Can I get some space?

There's only one thing
that can relieve

these repressed losers
from their sick sexual tension.

- Key party!
- Key party!

(In Spanish)
She's crazy.

(In Spanish)
Thank you, dad.

What did he say?

Okay, my dad is doing this
off the record as a favor.

He totally bent the rules--

Yes, I know,

and I appreciate it,

and I will give you and your dad
my first-born child.

Now, what did he say?

I get your baby?

You know what has to
happen first, Sadita.

Gross.

What did he say?

Her real name is Amber Horn

from San Pedro.

Of course she's from Pedro.

Could she be any more
textbook lowlife?

Okay, road trip.

Tonight's performance
of embarrassing ex drama

has finally concluded.

- That's good news.
- Mm-hmm.

Who's been in here?

Your roommate?

No, she's been gone all day.

Well...

She's messing with me again.

- Who?
- Who do you think?

Mountains are for adventures,
people.

Come on!

Guys put their key cards
in the bowl.

Why the fuck are you
so obsessed with my room?

Excuse me?

The condoms, Eva.

What, are you
trying to make me think

that Matty screwed you
in my bed again?

- What?
- Jenna.

What is wrong with you?

What condoms?

The condoms you left
in my room.

Whoopsie.

My bad.

I thought you said

you weren't gonna hook up
in our room.

I said I'd hardly
be in the room.

I didn't make any guarantees.

Okay, let's pick some keys.

You know...

I didn't drive two hours

to watch some psychodrama
with your ex-boyfriend.

That's not what it is.

Then what is it?

When you figure it out,
let me know.

In the meantime,

I'm gonna go catch up
on the studying

I've been blowing off
to be here with you.

[Door slams shut]

That bitch's cover
is totally blown.

She doesn't even
live in our district.

She is so out of PHHS.

Stay in the truck.

This isn't a good neighborhood
for you.

Oh, please.

- Whoo!
- [Whistling]

[Dog barking]

_

- You love it.
- Duh.

[Knocks on door]

Hi, I'm a friend of Amber's.

Didn't know Amber had friends.

Oh, I just love her.

Are you her mom?

Her gran.

My daughter took off for Vegas
years ago.

Come on down.

She's probably in her room.

Amber's downstairs?

Probably studying.

She's always studying.

[Flies buzzing]

[Sighs]

Jesus H Christ.

[Sinister music]

♪

That psychotic bitch.

Boys, I know this is random,

but it better be Pete.

Maybe we shouldn't have
left it all boy-on-girl.

That's so basic.

These people can't handle
a paradigm shift.

[Lock beeps]

[Lock beeps]

Oh, come on.

This is too much work,
even for me.

I'm on vacation.

[Lock beeps]

[Gasps]

Oh, my God.

This is a horrible mistake.

God makes no mistakes, Lissa.

Everyone else is busy.

There's no reason
we need to be alone.

There's lots to watch on TV.

Way to clear out the trash.

Basic is as basic does.

Now the fun really begins.

Hello, boys.

Glad you could join us.

[Phone beeps]

[Cell phone buzzing]

[Water trickling]

[Buzzing continues]

Ugh.

Matty, can you hear me?

Eva is a compulsive liar.

You have to get away from her.

Matty.

Matty.

My head was clearing, a little.

Why was I letting Eva
make me so crazy?

Could I separate
what I thought about her

from what I thought about Matty?

It was a tangled web
I needed to get away from

so that I could focus on
what was important

and what made me happy...

Luke.

[Cell phone buzzing]

Hey.

I'm finally over
my altitude-induced dementia.

I am so sorry.

Can I make it up to you?

I guess I could be persuaded.

How about a romantic
moonlit stroll?

Meet you by the bear in five?

I'm all yours.

[Cell phone buzzing]

Hello?

Eva Mansfield
is a lying psychopath.

As usual,
I was absolutely right.

You have to get to Matty.

Her real name is Amber Horn,

and until she came to PHHS,

she hadn't set foot
outside of San Pedro.

What?

She was kicked out
of the school system

when she was nine.

Stabbed a kid in the face
with a pencil.

She's been homeschooled,

by herself.

Holy shit!

You've got to tell Matty.

I called him,
and she answered his phone.

You have to find him.

[Dramatic music]

♪

[Knocks on door]

Matty, Matty, are you in there?

[Knocks on door]

_

[Phone line trilling]

Come on, pick up, Matty.

[Trilling continues]

[Cell phone beeps]

[Lock beeps]

Matty.

I have to talk--

_

_

Luke.

Luke, I am so sorry.

It was a miserable night.

I couldn't even cry myself
to sleep.

I was mad at mad at myself,
mad at Matty, mad at Eva,

but most of all,
heartbroken about Luke.

I had to find a way
to fix things between us.

[Phone line trilling]

Hey, it's me.
Leave a message.

[Water trickling]

[Creaking sound]

Luke?

[Door latch opens]

Luke, is that you?

[Creaking sound]

Gloria?

[Screams]

Stop screaming

and hide your nasty junk yard,
Hamiltrash.

We've got work to do.

Awkward - 4x11
"Snow Jobs (Part 2)"

So, air quotes "Eva,"
her real name is Amber,

lives with her senile grandma
in San Pedro.

All her New York this,
Dalton that, Le Rosey this--

imaginary.

And she really stabbed a kid?

In the face when she was nine.

This girl is a freak.

Wow, what an
astute observation.

Okay, you can dial back
the bitchery

if you want my help.

But that's how I express
my genuine disgust for you.

It's authentic.

[Wind howling]

- What was that?
- Oh, bonus.

There's a storm coming in.

Snow, high winds,
so bundle it up, Hamiltoe,

and let's get moving.

I still can't believe that Amber
got me booted off this trip.

Okay, well,
try to keep it under wraps

so no one sees you, okay?

Hey, Theo.

Theo.

[Groans]

Little late for the key party,
Jenna.

Have you seen Matty or Eva?

Uh, yeah.

I was getting an amateur blowie
out in the trees,

totally bored,

and I saw them lugging
their crap up the road.

Which way?

I don't know.
Up?

Theo, get ready
for some pow-pow!

Wait, for real?

Look outside.

There's a storm coming in.

Oh, hey, Cole,
have you seen Matty and Eva?

No, why are you
creeping on them?

I'm not, I'm just--

Have you guys noticed
anything off about Eva?

Not really.

Just your basic
compulsive liar psycho bitch.

What?

You knew about that?

- Why didn't you tell anyone?
- Why would we?

She's genius.

Wind her up
and watch that shit stir.

Give that mess a reality show,
stat.

Maybe we could talk
Jenna and Luke

into ice skating with us.

Yeah, Lace,
just what she's dreaming of,

a double date with us.

I'm catching some freshies.

Ugh, fine.

I guess I'll
catch freshies with you.

Are you still afraid
of the lift?

Are you still afraid of me
ripping your balls off,

because you should be.

Good morning, Lissa.

How did you like the key party?

Did you like your room?

Were there any flowers
in the attic?

Nothing happened.

We're brother and sister.

That's good,

because the eyes of God
are upon you.

Don't let them get to you,
Lissa.

Hey, guys, what'd
the key party unlock for you?

Nice try sending me five guys.

I'm saving my energy
for the slopes.

Well, I sent
the other four packing,

and all this one got
was a handie.

A storm is headed our way.

Forecast says
it's an epic powder day.

I don't rely on technology.

I have intuition, a gift.

Some call it
"The Shining."

You can shine on
whatever you want

as long as we get our pow-pow.

Hey, kids.

Heard some NC-17 noise

coming from your room
last night.

That was me wiping the floor
with Jake's ass.

Whoa!

You did not wipe my ass;
I'm creamed yours.

I cannot believe you made me
play for six hours straight.

You wouldn't stop.

It's addictive.

But morally, I object
to violence in video games,

especially when I lose.

Wait, gaming?

That's what you guys got up to?

Duh, endlessly repeating.

OMG, what did you guys expect?

Desperate grappling
and soggy sheets.

Sorry to disappoint you guys.

I am so not.

I got to get out
for this powder day.

Have you seen Matty?

Where the hell is he?

We can't rent a car.

It's snowy and windy,

and I am stuck here with you.

This is starting to feel
really desperate and hopeless.

Is that comforting for you,
since it's so familiar?

You mean like how you feel

soaking in your toxic stew
of self-loathing

and spite and bitterness?

Aww, you're trying to
keep up with me.

Precious, but stop.

No, you stop.

I am not in the mood.

Luke bailed on me this morning.

Gee, boo hoo.

Eva sabotaged my relationship
with Austin also.

She did?

How?

Not so into oversharing.

If they got on a shuttle,

they could be anywhere
in this shanty town.

Good thing you took
a three-hour bus ride

in the middle of the night

to share that
astonishing insight.

Got to get out
for the powder day.

Earlier the better.

Oh, ever since I got caught
in a white out in Zermatt,

I'm not really into
these conditions.

The perfect day would be
me and you laying by the fire.

Hmm.

This place is pretty awesome.

Yeah, the Schafers
are pretty cool

about letting me
use their places,

and they're hardly ever
in the States.

We should have just come here
in the first place.

Well, I thought we should
stay with the group,

because I was trying so hard
to fit in,

but it seems like
the more I try,

the more I get ragged on.

Yeah.

I know, but they--

Anyway,
it's good we're here now.

I have something kind of intense
I need to tell you.

It keeps going
straight to his voicemail.

I don't even think
his phone is on.

We're gonna die out here.

Try calling Eva
from your phone.

She might answer you.

You never know.

If I'm bagging,
I should text Jake.

Damn, my phone's dead.

Can I borrow yours?

Mine is too.

The weak signal up here
is murder on our batteries.

Went to voicemail.

- Did it ring first?
- Yes.

Then it's on.

What difference does it make?

She's not answering.

Can't find my charger.

I must have left mine
in the lodge.

Should we go back?

No.

It's fine.

It's kind of nice being cut off

from everyone, everything,

just the two of us.

We can talk later.

This is a dream come true.

Don't be such a nightmare.

I wouldn't be calling you

unless I was
completely desperate.

You're very needy for such
a ball buster, you know that?

Listen, that psycho bitch
is on the loose,

and I need to find
a missing person.

Can you help me track them down

through the GPS on their phone?

That's some serious crazy,
Sadita.

You think I'm some
James Bond dude,

drinking Martinis and stuff,

with a Batmobile and stuff?

Look, I am asking you

to ask your dad
for another favor.

Damn,blanquita.

It's like you want to be

a part of mi familia so bad.

Don't cops do stuff like this
all the time?

Send me the number.

I'll talk to my dad.

But you owe me.

You know I admire you
and love you,

and you are so kind,

and I would love to have
a sister like you.

But you do have
a sister like me.

That's just it.

You know you're not really
my sister, right?

Biologically or legally.

Yes, I know,

but I also know
right from wrong.

Oh, it's way too cold
and windy to go out there.

Let's go find Jenna and Luke.

No, Jenna said she wants to be
on her own today.

We don't want to be
buzzkill helicopter parents.

My shining is really strong
in this altitude,

and I am sensing Jenna
does not want her buzz killed.

And that there is a wild animal
craving some me.

Hey, Biggie, foraging
for some berries and nuts?

And honey, honey.

I'm off at 4:00.

Apres ski in the base lodge bar?

Apres, yes.

[Growls]

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

This is scare-ifying!

- But I think I finally got it.
- Okay.

Now that you're strapped in,
you can try moving.

Let's start with falling leaf.

No, I don't want to fall.

Then let's just hold a beat,

and you can try
not moving on the board.

Sorry I'm such a spaztron.

You can go do the black diamond
with Matty if you want.

You haven't been
that much of a spaz.

Yeah, I have.

And I don't just mean today.

I mean, like, for months now,

and I appreciate you
putting up with it.

Well, back at you.

Those weren't exactly
my finest hours either.

- I'm glad we're still friends.
- So glad.

We only have
one more semester together,

and I keep having these
flash-forwards

to the flashbacks I'll have of
high school when I'm in college,

and I want them to be
magical moments with my PPFFs.

"Perma-Posse
of Friends Forever."

- All right.
- Okay.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

- You sure?
- No.

[Beeping sound] _

I think I see the house.

You be careful, Sadita.

I need your help on the truck.

You know, the wieners like it
when you hold them.

Yeah, that's clever.

Thank you, and I'll let you know
how it goes.

Let me know when you're safe,
okay?

You think you're
this tough bitch,

but I know you're
a fragile little princess.

Go fuck yourself!

This is
a really nice neighborhood.

What are they doing here?

Well, she's a
psychotic grifter.

Use your imagination.

I'm just scared.

Don't worry.

If she pulls a gun,

I'll use you as my human shield,

and you'll die a quick
and painless death.

Are you ever not a total bitch?

Only to people
who don't repulse me.

Good.
Go by yourself.

Wait!
Don't go.

Why?

Because.

I would feel better
if you were here.

Well, Sadie, if that's you
begging me to come with you,

then I guess I have to
come with you.

That is not begging.

Anyway, I have mace
in my pocket

in case the nut job
tries anything.

[Doorbell rings]

What are you guys doing here?

Blowing that bitch's cover.

Eva's real name isn't even Eva.

It's Amber Horn from San Pedro.

She stabbed a guy in the face
with a pencil.

Excuse me, Hamilcrap,
that is my intel.

Whoa, whoa, you guys,
just stop it.

I know you have a thing
against Eva,

but you need to deal.

Do you even know
who she really is?

Yeah, I do;
she told me.

But she is my girlfriend, and--

And what?

And it is really
none of your business.

I'm pregnant.

Obviously Matty and I
still have a lot we need to talk about,

so do you mind leaving us alone?

I do mind, Amber.

I call bullshit
on this pregnancy.

Pregnant with what?

You've lied about everything

since the day you got to PHHS.

Matty, I can't take this.

Listen, you guys,
you need to go.

Yeah, you try getting us a cab.

So there's a lot more, Matty,
that you don't know,

and I'm sure they're dying
to tell you,

so I'd rather you hear it
from me first.

This should be interesting.

I don't live in PV.

I live in San Pedro
with my grandmother

because my parents abandoned me
when I was seven.

I'm sorry.

Matty, you know
you have to take

everything she says
with a major grain of salt.

I just really wanted to go
to a good school

and belong somewhere
with people like you guys.

You seem like
such a tight-knit group.

Actually, Jenna and I
hate each other.

I just wanted a chance
at a better life.

Matty, can I show you pictures
of Amber's bedroom?

[Sighs]

You must be
so proud of yourself, Sadie.

It wasn't enough
you attacked me on the bus.

You take advantage
of my grandmother,

an old woman who's, like,

the only person in my family

that gives a crap about me?

So you snoop through my bedroom?

Good job.

You're nuts.

[Scoffs]

I've been attacked
by girls like you

my whole life,

and the kid I "attacked"
in the fourth grade,

she was with two other kids
in the bathroom,

holding me down, trying to dunk
my head into a toilet,

talking about how trash I was.

So, yeah, lucky for me,
there was a pencil on the floor.

[Scoffs]

And there's more, Matty,

and if you give me a chance,

I'll explain to you anything
you want to know.

But there's one thing
I never lied about

that I would never,

and those are
my feelings for you.

They're sacred.

The sociopathic slag is good.

Got to hand her that.

Hoo!

Crazy powder day, huh?

Hi.

Sorry, do I know you?

Yeah, Val, it's Will.

Biggie.

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry, I didn't recognize you

without your--
you know, your head on.

[Laughs]

Yeah, here I am.

Yeah.

It's a whole new Biggie, huh?

Just no fur.

Oh, God, there he is.

Are you crazy?

You could have died out there.

Then what would I have done?

I didn't almost die.

It's just a sprain.

Maybe you should
take it down a notch, gramps.

Yeah, thanks, Lace.

[Groans]

Maybe I am feeling
a little old.

Being around all these
high school kids,

my little girl
about to leave the house.

Honey, don't feel old.

That makes me feel old.

[Laughs]

Would you like another drink,

or would you like to
head back to my den?

[Growls]

Uh, actually, Biggie,

I don't know why I didn't
sense this sooner.

Guess my shining
isn't infallible.

Your shining?

My extreme acuity,
my sixth sense,

it can sometimes be a burden.

But, anyway, you seem like
a nice guy.

I just-- I think I was so dazzled
by the costume,

that I didn't even think about
what you looked like without it.

Oh, I'm not allowed to take off

any part of the costume
while I'm on duty.

You know, because a bear body
and a human head,

it would just
destroy the illusion.

Of course.

Of course.

I think I'm just
a little more attracted

to the bear than the man.

I don't know
what that says about me.

Maybe I should get a dog.

It's cool.

Your shining thing
kind of creeped me out anyway.

Well...

Thanks for the walk
on the wild side, though.

I can't believe Matty
blew me off,

and on a powder day.

And where's Jenna?

I'm starting to get
a little worried.

I don't know.

Have you seen Jenna?

We haven't from heard from her
or Matty all day.

Luckily, I have my gift
of the shining.

If I can just concentrate,

it will guide them to me.

Oh, my God,
my shining is so strong,

it's sucking the energy
out of all the lights.

[Screams]

This is a sign from God.

Lissa, dearest,
you haven't done anything wrong.

But I've thought of
doing something wrong.

You have?

Yes.

All the time.

Isn't that just as bad?

Hell feels really good.

Huh, well,
this just keeps getting cozier.

I'll look for candles
and flashlights.

I'll come with you.

You have to know that I wouldn't
be here with Sadie

if I wasn't really concerned
about you with her.

Well, I can take care
of myself.

Would you please listen to me?

I have given up a lot
to be here.

Luke pretty much dumped me.

She's pregnant, Jenna.

You heard that part, right?

And you believe her?

At the moment, yes.

I think I have to
take her word for it.

She just admitted to being
a compulsive liar.

Has she even taken a test?

I mean, I thought
I was pregnant once.

Yeah, and you were so upfront
and honest about it at the time.

How far along are you?

Don't know yet.

I only skipped one period.

Why didn't you use protection?

I know.
It's crazy.

We use condoms every time.

It's like the universe
just wanted us to have a baby.

Yeah, right.

That's what the universe wants.

Got 'em.

Look, let's not get into any
more of this shit, all right?

Truce?

I just want you to be okay.

If she's really having my kid,
I got to deal with it.

I'm not putting my kid up
for adoption.

I know.

All right.

[Door creaks open]

[Woman gasps]

Who's there?

Hey, it's Eva Mansfield.

Who the hell are you?

This isn't the Schafers' place?

Do you know my friends
Carol and Bill?

We bought this house from them
five years ago.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

You had a key out
right where they kept theirs.

Would you and your friends
please leave

before I call the police?

The rest of that night
was a blur.

Somehow, Eva talked the owners
of that house

out of calling the police.

Somehow, Matty's faith in Eva
seemed unwavering,

and somehow, I made it back
to the lodge and my bed.

It was a very far cry

from the romantic night
with Luke I'd been planning.

[Sadie snores]

The storm had passed,

but that didn't mean
the air was clear.

Sadie, what are you doing here?

I've been here the whole time.

Really?

Wow, that's spooky.

My shining is telling me

we need to get the hell
off this mountain.

Our last senior ski trip.

Well, we all have to
grow up some time.

Thanks, Jenna.

It was so scary last night.

I kept wishing
I had someone to hold me,

because I was all alone,
by myself, alone.

I didn't know
why Eva's getting busted

as a house crasher

didn't send Matty running.

Either he still
actually believed in her,

or he was just trying
to do the right thing,

which was very Matty

and kind of heartbreaking
to watch.

You know, maybe you should
take another test to be sure.

There can be false positives.

Okay.

Yeah, I know.

I just want to be sure.

Of course.

And I want you to be sure.

I really couldn't tell
what he was thinking,

which was unsettling.

But seeing Matty take control
of his situation

made me realize
I had to find a way

to take control of mine.

Luke?

Hey.

Hey.

I'm so sorry.

I really screwed up.

I just got caught up
in all that Eva mess,

and she's really bad news,
but I know that's no excuse.

You dropped everything,
blew off work and school and--

- Jenna, I get it.

I really do.

You're in high school.

Everything's spinning
out of control,

and you're just trying to cope,

and, the truth is,

you still have
a lot of growing up to do.

And I think, for now, you should
probably just go do that.

What?

Luke, no, no, no.

It's--

You're a great girl, Jenna.

I don't know, maybe some day.

But I just think
our timing's wrong.

You look like hell.

Yeah.

Luke just broke up with me.

I'm sorry.

The psycho skitch
is in the bathroom,

taking the test right now.

It ends here, people.

There is no way she is pregnant.

Sadie.

♪ playing one game ♪

♪ saying one thing ♪

♪ do another ♪

♪ saying one line ♪

♪ spending your time ♪

♪ with another ♪

♪ playing these games ♪

♪ having no shame ♪

♪ makes me wonder ♪