Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 3, Episode 12 - And Then What Happened - full transcript

Previously on Awkward...

Even though Matty is blind
to your treachery,

I'm not.

End it with Colin
or tell Matty.

You need to shut
that shit down.

Your mom's throwing you
a surprise party!

All: Surprise!

Jenna, honey?

Are you still in there?

Physically, yes.

Mentally, I am
all over the place.



Are you coming out today?

No.

So you're not going to school?

How can I go to school
if I'm not coming out?

Good point.

Should I tell the school
you're sick?

Tell them whatever you want.

My life is over.

Matty won't return my calls
or my emails or my texts.

I even called his house phone

and his mom picked up and said
that he wasn't available.

What does that even mean?

That's he's not available
for everyone or for me?

I am freaking out.



So just please go away.

I'm never gonna recover from
everything that happened.

I'm gonna go run some errands.

Are you sure
you don't wanna come with?

And tell me if you and Matty
are still together?

Go away.

Or you can just tell me.

Go away!

Ha!
I fooled you.

Just talk to me.

I don't wanna talk.

I just wanna be left alone

to suffer in silence.

I am an asshole
and a cheater and a liar

and everyone hates me.

Did you and Matty break up?

Or are you still together?

Just give me something
that I can work with.

I need clarity.

And I need a hug.

Oh, baby.

Oh!

Damn it!

[Door closes]

Honey, I know what
will make you feel better!

Let's open your gifts!

[Loud rock music plays]

?

If you don't come out,
I'm gonna open them for you!

I'm doing it!

Never mind!

Jenna won't
come out of her room.

She's been in there all weekend

and now she's
not going to school.

So she's pulling a sick-out?

- A what-out?
- A sick-out.

She's being a truant.

I'm gonna write her a note.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

The less I know the better.

I cannot be complicit
in your scheme.

What should I do?

Break down her door.

I thought about that,
but I just painted the hall.

Right, right.

It's a little extreme.
Tear gas?

I think we've had enough tears
this weekend to last a lifetime.

Okay, let's just cut
to what's really important.

Are Jenna and Matty
still together?

- I don't know.
- Damn it!

Can you keep
your ears to the street?

That's where they live L-dog.

I'll call you later
with the intel.

[Phone beeps]

You have to talk to Jenna.

I would if I could,
but she won't return my calls

or answer any of my texts.

- Have you talked to Matty?
- No.

I haven't seen him all day or
heard from him all weekend.

Not since the party.

He's icing me out too.

- Where's T?
- Hell if I know.

She's not answering her cell.

What is going on in our world?

It's madness.

It's total fucking madness.

So, what do you think?

Jenna and Matty break up or not?

Isn't it obvious?

It's over.

- How do you know?
- How do you not know?

You were there too.

- You saw the aftermath.
- No.

After Jenna and Collin
came through the door,

I went out back to call Tamara
and give her a heads-up.

Don't you remember?

Dude, I wasn't paying
attention to you.

- I was watching the show.
- What show?

- You don't know?
- Know what?

Okay.

So it was moments
before the surprise.

We were crouching
behind the couch,

waiting to surprise Jenna.

Oh, yeah, that's when
I asked, "Where's Tamara?"

And I said,
"She's on her way."

And then I rolled my eyes.

Are you gonna let me finish

or are we gonna debate
the details all day?

Okay, okay.
Continue.

So, we could hear the keys
rumbling at the door

and then Valerie
was getting apoplectic

about shushing me up

because Lissa
was going on and on

about finally
getting out of her neck brace.

And my doctor, Brian, he let's
me call him by his first name

because he wants me
to feel more comfortable

when he examines
my breasts, so--

Do you not understand English?

When I said quiet,
I meant silencio!

If you keep talking,
you're gonna ruin the surprise,

and ruining the surprise

is the worst thing
that can possibly happen.

[Door slams]

All: Surprise!

Surprise indeed.

So I guess ruining the surprise

is not the worst thing
that could happen.

Then Collin bailed

and Matty went after him,
pissed.

Oh, my God.

I was trying to sneak out
and watch the action

when Valerie
jock-blocked the exit.

Nothing to see here!

Let's just put on some music

and roll out the snacks.

It's a fucking party, people,
so let's party!

So I grabbed a seat just
in time to see the aftermath.

I'm so sorry, Collin.

I can't deal.

Matty hit Collin,

then Jenna apologized to Collin,

which infers
that she's sided with him,

which further infers
the obvious fact

that Jenna and Matty are done.

But Matty didn't hit Collin.

- Then who did?
- Jenna.

What?

How do you know?

Well, I had just tried
calling Tamara, you know,

to fill her in on the sitch,

but she wasn't picking up.

So when I came back in,

Jenna was taking Collin
into the kitchen.

I'm so sorry, Collin.

I can't deal.

And then the dude
slowly turned to me,

looked me square
in the eye and said...

I didn't know a girl
could hit that hard.

Can you believe he had the
balls to turn to me for empathy?

It's infuriating.

But besides the point,
what happened next?

And where was I?

Well, then Jenna left the room

and Mrs. Hamilton
took Collin to the sink.

Oh, God.
Okay, come with me.

You were on the couch
eating guac and chips.

Right.

My blood sugar always
gets low when I'm stressed.

And Mrs. Hamilton
makes some good guac.

Please.
She don't make that.

It's store-bought.

But I've seen her putting
avocados into a bowl.

With the store-bought guac.

It's her trick.

So what we know is Jenna hit
Collin to win Matty back.

And then felt bad
for fucking up Collin's face.

So she went back inside
to help fix said face, then--

Went back outside again
to find Matty

to beg for forgiveness.

And he's a softie,
which means...

- They're still together!
- They're still together!

But Jenna didn't hit Collin.

I did.

Which is why I missed school
this morning.

I had to see a doctor.

My hand blew up
to the size of a potato.

Everyone's hand
is the size of a potato.

No, like, a modern potato
that's jacked and stacked.

On steroids.

- So what happened?
- I sprained it.

- No, with Collin.
- No, with Collin.

Ohhh.

So I was jimmy-jammying it
to get to the party,

but I had a wardrobe malfunction

and had to stop
to de-cling the static

that was riding
the jutt of my butt.

So my timing was off
and I was late-late.

And I couldn't find my phone.

It wasn't in my purse
or on my person

and I still can't find it.

Anyway, when I got
outside the house,

Jenna and Collin were getting
up close and personal

and I didn't know what to do.

I was speechless,
which really says something.

So I slid and hid,
and then before I could get

into a good squat of thought,
I heard...

All: Surprise!

At that point, I knew it was
safe to make an appearance.

But as I popped out
of the bushes,

Collin then Matty then Jenna
rolled out of the house.

As the boys ran down the steps,
Jenna yelled...

Wait!

And it was so sad

because they both turned, not
knowing who she was talking to.

It didn't mean anything.

It was a mistake.

She was talking to Matty.

And Matty-- poor Matty.

He looked like he had been
stun gunned to the heart,

so he was, like, paralyzed,
not saying anything.

So I did what any
decent friend would do.

I gave him a nudge.

Hit him!

What's the point?

Fine.

If you won't, I will.

Ow!

Fuck!

You broke my nose.

And you broke my BF/GF/BFF!

Do you even realize how many
years of praying it took

to make that dream a reality?

You ruined my life!
Ow.

Can you believe that douchebag?

I can't believe you hit him.

It was an impulsive reaction
to an emotional situation

and I swear, I will never
pissed-fist again, ever.

Please don't be disappointed.

I'm not disappointed.

I'm impressed.

You did some real damage.

Up top, babe.

- I love you.
- I love you.

[Clears throat]

So they're over?

- Finished.
- Done-zo Washington.

Who are you talking about?

All: Jenna and Matty.

They're not done.

How are they not done?

I don't know the ins and outs.

I just know what I know.

And here's what I know.

I was crouched down
next to Ming for the surprise,

which was tricky,
because I'm not a small person.

Suddenly, Jenna and Collin came
through the door, tongue tied

- and we yelled...
All: - Surprise!

Were were there, we know.

Get to the pertinent info.

Okay, okay.

So the scene became chaotic.

Complete, disorganized mayhem,
and mayhem isn't my middle name.

- It's Chen.
- Oh!

Therefore, I was
extremely uncomfortable.

Nothing to see here.

Let's just put on some music--

All I wanted was
to grab a snack and go.

But I got sandbagged
by Ms. Marks.

You.

You're tall and good at math.

I need your expertise.

Come with me.

This is the ticket.

Nothing gets a party
back on track

like la piñata.

And I jam packed that bad boy
with so many goodies

that we will be blowing away
our problems

along with little
bottles of bubbles.

I think that
may be the problem.

The piñata's too heavy.

Put your back into it, Junior.
Your people built the railroads.

Come on.

Is that why she asked
if you're good at math?

Possibly.

Or she's racist.

Ooh, who's a racist?

All: Valerie.

Tell me something I don't know.

I'm about to.

Anyway, I finally figured out

how to rig the piñata
based on an algorithm

of height plus weight
minus ignorance.

When suddenly, out of a play
in my own handbook,

Matty hopped the fence

and headed to a back entrance
of the house.

All: - Jenna's backdoor!
- Sure.

Did he or didn't he go inside?

I don't know where he went
or the layout of the house.

I've only been privy to
the living room and backyard.

After he hopped the fence,
did Matty go right or left?

It was the left.

That's the side yard.

There's no entrance.

Maybe it was the right.

I'm getting flustered.

Let me think.

It was the right.

Definitely the right.

I think.

How do you not know
your right from your left?

This is important!

I'm-- I'm not good
under pressure,

and I'm moderately dyslexic!

That's okay.
Take a breath.

So from what we can gather,

Matty went to Jenna's backdoor
to make up.

- Or tear into her.
- Nope.

You're both wrong.

Apparently I'm the only backdoor
authority at this table.

You see, I had gotten to the
party just in the nick of time.

And while everyone was
scrambling for a hiding spot,

nature called.

I need to find the little boys'
room and fast.

But the powder room
was too close to the action

and I don't like
to broadcast my stream.

[Toilet flushes]
Upon finishing my business,

- I heard...
All: - Surprise!

I had missed the spectacle,

so I decided to take my time
and lather up on lotion.

Managing our skin care
is essential at our age.

Not to mention, the lotion
was jasmine scented.

I love me some tropical flowers.

Reminds me of this time
I was time-sharing in Tulum

and the family
was gathered around.

We were all laying out
on the beach, tanning--

All: Get to it!

Jeez, settle down.

I'm just trying to paint
a pretty picture.

So, I left the bathroom
and lo and behold,

there was Jenna
on her bed, crying.

Oh, no.

Did the surprise scare you?

Jenna didn't answer.

- She just cried harder.
- [Sobs]

And that's
when Matty barged in.

All: And then what?

He started pacing.

'Cause he was trying
to figure out what to say.

Or fight off the tears.

Or get a little exercise.

Stop interjecting!

Clark, finish, please.

Thank you, sweetie.

So, Matty continued
pacing back and forth

looking around the room
and Jenna pleaded...

Matty please, I can explain.

Oh, you don't
need to say anything.

I think that kiss said it all.

Would you please
just look at me?

But he wouldn't look at her.

He just kept pacing
around the room.

- And then--
All: - And then?

He found his car keys and left.

That doesn't mean anything.

Or maybe it does.

Maybe he left to calm down

and Jenna texted Collin
to tell him to leave,

and maybe that's why
Collin got upset

and started the fire
in the kitchen.

There was a fire?

Oh, right.
The fire.

- We were eating chips and guac--
- Made at Gelson's.

When something
started to smell.

Is something burning?

Um...
[Sniffs]

Yeah.

[Smoke detector beeps]

Fire!

Lacey, what are you thinking

cooking pre-cooked cupcakes?

Told ya, Mrs. Hamilton
doesn't cook.

She collaborates.

Well, what about the stir-fry

she made for me last year
on my birthday?

That wasn't stir-fry.
It was stir-lie, my friend.

And that's it?

That's all we know?

Actually, no.

After the fire was out,
we heard a scream.

And we ran outside
to console Jenna.

But that wasn't Jenna.

Why did you scream?

Well...

It started when I was
waiting for the surprise

and I got the great idea
to film it.

I mean, who wouldn't wanna
see their own surprise

after being surprised?

But my phone was in my purse

that was under a couple of bags

around the other side
of Ming and Fred.

But thankfully,
I had full mobility again

and I could reach around
with full range of commotion.

All: Motion.

And then the door
started to turn

and Valerie got in my face

and next thing you know,
I was up on my feet.

All: Surprise.

I mean, I sprung up real fast

'cause I'm almost as flexible
as I was before the accident.

All: Skip ahead!

So then, Jenna and Collin
came back inside

and I started eating
and texting--

All: - Skip ahead!
- To where?

All: - The scream!
- Oh.

Okay.

[Smoke detector beeps]
So there was a fire.

Fire!

And I hate fires,
so I ran outside,

but I didn't know
which way to run.

First I ran one way
and into Matty,

who was hopping the fence.

Then I ran the other way and--

[Screams]

- Got hit in the head.
- Are you okay?

I'm okay.

Now I'm not.

[All gasp]

Ah, nailed it!

Now I'm confused.

Matty left and hopped the fence,

but... did they break up?

Do you want me to guess?

All: No.

Where did Matty go?

My house.

What happened at your house?

A celebration of sorts.

While I wasn't invited
to Jenna's party,

I was there.

Virtually speaking.

All: Surprise!

Oh, Hamiltoe, how you never
cease to disappoint.

[Knocks on door]

Matty was apathetic.

That bitch was dead to him
on arrival.

How could she do this to me?

I gotta say, I was surprised
he was so callous.

He dumped her?

I cannot confirm
nor deny that statement.

- What does that mean?
- It means she's useless.

And you're a troll.

You're welcome.

This is pointless.

Can we talk
about something else?

Please.

Nussbaum Liquor
doesn't card anymore.

All: Really?

[Chattering, laughter]

L-dog, I got nada.
No intel.

No one's talking about it.

Thanks for trying.

I guess we won't know
till we know.

- Is the fox still in the hole?
- She's in her room.

And there's no telling
if she'll ever come out.

Gotta go.
[Phone beeps]

Honey, you okay?

Where are you going?

To talk to Matty.

To... break up?
Make up?

I don't know.

I don't know what to say.

How long has it been going on?

A day.

A few days.
Not long.

What did you do with him?

Actually don't--
don't tell me.

I don't wanna know.

Just tell me
that I won't ever have to know.

Okay.

But it meant nothing.

Okay, I-I can
forgive you, Jenna.

It's just-- it's gonna
take me some time.

I understand.

So, well, uh, let's try
to get back to where we were?

We can't.

What do you mean?

I mean, I can't--
I can't go back.

Are you breaking up with me?

No.

We're breaking up with
each other because...

this must have happened
for a reason,

and I can't look at you

and wonder if
when you look at me

you see the same girl
you fell in love with

before this happened.

I'm so, so sorry, Matty.

I'm so sorry.

♪ I need you back ♪

♪ are you comin' back ♪

[Sniffles]

♪ I'm waiting ♪

♪ I'm waiting ♪