Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 3, Episode 1 - Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes - full transcript

After a summer ensconced with Matty, Jenna is worried that she's lost touch with her BFF's Tamara and Ming. Everyone suspects that Sadie is pregnant. Although they're back from Europe, Jake...

- In four short months,
I had evolved.

I'd gone from "that girl
who tried to kill herself"

To "that girl who
had a date on new year's eve."

You want another chance?

- I won't screw up again.

- I came with jake.

- But you can stay with me. -

I chose jake, and now
we can't be alone

Without matty tagging along,
trying to tempt me.

The whole situation is weird.

- I hate to admit this,



But matty might be trying
to home wreck you.

- Nice job, mckibben.
- What?

- You are totally
sabotaging them.

- Ricky's the missed
connection!

- He's her what?

[door squeaks]

- Ricky?

- Ricky!

- You really are the fool.

Ask matty--he had
a piece of your hamilton pie

Long before you did.

- Okay, mckibben,
time to come clean.

- Please don't do this.

- Uhh!
[all gasp]



- I [bleep] your girlfriend!

- We've decided
not to let

A girl
come between us.

- So you need to choose--

Him or me.

- Maybe the timing's
finally right.

- We're going to europe!

- Too late.
The trip's full.

I took the last slot.

Both:
I made out with jake.

- You have a trip.
I'm not going.

My spot is yours.

I finally got
what I really wanted.

But I wasn't sure
it was what I needed.

- Junior year.

Junior year was like the
Thursday night of high school,

And the beginning
of the end.

I was growing up.

Victoria had finally
let me in on her secret:

Padding.
Lots and lots of padding.

But, underneath it,
I was actually blossoming.

Changing.

And the thought of it
made me--

- Nervous?

- No. Yeah.

Probably just
first-day jitters, right?

- What are you nervous about?

- I don't know.

But I did.

I hadn't seen
tamara or ming all summer.

Either they were out of town
or I was,

And when I wasn't...

I was wrapped up
in my cocoon,

My cocoon
of matty.

[cell phone buzzing]

I had disappeared
into my relationship,

And forgotten
about my friends.

- Ready?

- Can't we just
stay here?

- Nope.
It is time to be--

- Independent study.

That's the elective
I signed up for,

Not creative writing.

Can you fix it?

- What do you think
about the metamorphosis?

Pretty chic, huh?

Love is a game changer.

- Is she still
hung up on ricky?

- [laughs]
good one.

Although I wonder
if ricky has anything to do

With why tamara and jake
aren't online official.

But any day now.
Right?

- Right.
I knew that.

But I didn't.

I didn't know anything
about tamara's life.

What about you?
Where have you been all summer?

- Working for my grandparents
in moorpark.

It's like the pit
of the earth.

But I learned mandarin.

- You finally
speak chinese?

- Ix-nay
on the chinese-ay.

Mafia is everywhere,

And they can't know
what I know.

It's all about
the long play.

Gotta go!

I'm gonna get the deets
on the new 'do.

- Normally, we spend hours
debating a simple trim,

And suddenly,
she had hacked and whacked

Without even a text.

Maybe it wasn't me
that had forgotten my friends.

Maybe it was my friends
that had forgotten me.

- My girl.

- Thankfully,
some things never changed.

- Su cabella
es muy bonita.

- Or they did.

[knocking at door]

- Yeah.

- It's your girl.
- "t."

Oh.
"j."

Thought you were
my new girl.

She was going
to stop by

To help me pick
the best pics from europe

To tag before class.

[scoffs]
she is such a character.

You know, sometimes, I just
can't get her off the phone.

- You guys talk on the phone?
- Like it's my job.

Which it sort of is,

Since she's listed
as my sister on facebook.

So whatcha need?
- Help.

I've been put
in creative writing

For my elective.
- And?

- And I didn't sign up for it.

- No, I did.
- Why?

- Because
it's an excellent class,

And very hard
to get into.

Mr. Hart reads a lot
of submissions every year.

And he's a very tough customer

When it comes
to the written word.

- But I didn't write a word.
- He read your blog.

- But my blog is private.
- Ha! Right.

But when it wasn't,

I printed out
a copy or two.

You know,
for work and home.

Sometimes I need
a good, angsty soap

To put me to sleep.

Oh, and I might have
sent one to my mom,

Who may or may not
be team matty.

- You can tell her that he is
now firmly on team jenna.

- Excellent word play.

See, you are totally going
to meet the challenges

Of mr. Hart's class.

- I don't want a challenge.

- Wake up, jenna.

This is your junior year,

And it is time
to evolve, change.

Fine, you want
to be a wuss?

I'll sign you up
for something wimpy,

Like drama.

Going once...

- Maybe valerie
had a point.

- Going twice--

- Maybe I needed
a change.

I'll stay
in creative writing.

- Good.
Now, you're gonna need this.

Mr. Hart can be
a real ball buster.

- Apparently,
so could my conscience.

It was time to see
if my friendship with tamara

Had changed
along with her hair.

I can't believe
you cut it.

- I know.

But after being abroad and
seeing how the other half lives,

I am forever
a different person.

Europeans are amazeballs.

As in,
stress the "balls,"

'cause that's
what they smell like.

But they call it "musk,"

Which is just so sexy,
you know?

- No.

- Well, it's hard to explain
unless you've been there,

But the euros just have
this je ne sais quoi.

French.

It's like
an individuality thing,

Which is the mantra
of this year.

I want
to be original.

And although
I'm not brave enough

To roll
without roll-on,

I thought that changing
the flair of my hair

Was the next best thing.

- So you really put a lot
of thought into it.

- Actually,
there was no thought.

It was totally impulsive.

That's why
I love the spaniards.

Everything is so sera sera,
you know?

- Not really.

- Well,
if you did know,

You know know that they are
a people of spontaneity,

Which is also something
that I want to embrace.

I am letting go of having
to define things in my life,

Like my style
or my relationship.

I don't need
to d.T.R. Anymore.

- But I still did,

And I needed to know
if we were still besties.

Which is really cool,
and I actually have

A lot of questions
about that,

Because there's something
I want to share.

- What's happening?

Walk with me.

I think
I need support.

And a tampon.

- [gasps]
aunt to the flow.

You finally
got it?

- Yes.
- And I did, too.

I was getting
that I was being sidelined...

And left behind.

- Ming, this is
so tres magnifique.

You're a woman.

- Hooray.

- And we're all
cycling together.

The italians
call it simpatico.

Or maybe
it was the spanish.

Either way,
someone cute said it.

Here.

- It's not my time.

- Oh, europe must have
thrown us off.

- Europe wasn't the only thing
throwing us off.

Our lack of connection was,
too.

Suddenly,
my stomach felt...

- [retching]
- unsettled.

[toilet flushing]

- That was bizarro ungaro.

[toilet flushing]

- What'd I just miss?
- Sadie.

Someone stole her tongue.

- And replaced it
with a bun...

In the oven.

Rumor has it,
she's pregnant.

- Change was everywhere,
even for sadie.

And apparently,
the entire school

Was trying to confirm
the father of the sperm.

- Ricky schwartz.
It's his.

- What the hell
am I supposed to do

With ricky's credit card?

- He said to buy something nice,
anything you want.

He loves you.

- How many times
do I have to tell you

To tell him
we're done?

I have bigger fish to fry
than him.

Are you going
to eat your pickle?

- You're eating
a lot.

- So?
- You miss him.

I know
he misses you.

That's why he came in
to get froyo for you

Every day
at my shop.

- It was a waste.

[crunch]
like his life.

- But now you have a life
that isn't a waste.

- What?
- Baby--sadie.

He's trying
to make it up to you,

And I don't know
what to tell him

Every time
that he cries.

- Tell him to die.

God, I need
to puke.

- That's your lunch?

- The french
keep it light,

Which is why they can eat
whatever they want.

It is all
about moderation.

- What tamara needed to do
was moderate the euro brag.

Where's ming?

- She's eating
with the mafia today.

She's trying
to reconnect with them,

Since she's been gone
all summer.

- Speaking of reconnecting,

There's actually something
that I wanted to tell you.

- T.T.
- [gasps] jacques.

Both: Pixelize us?

- Mm.

[camera shutter clicks]

- Oh, not my fave.

Show jenna
our selects from the trip,

And see which ones
she likes best.

- Uhh.

- It would be hard
to choose.

- Personally, I think the one
in front of the trevi fountain

Encapsulates
the whole experience.

That's the one we should use
for the profile pic

On our page.

- Wait, "our" page?

Both: We created
our own facebook page.

[both laugh]

Both: Je t'aime.

- Jacques,
we're being rude.

Jenna was just about
to tell us something.

Both: Tell us.

- "us" was not
who I wanted to tell.

- I'm in creative writing.

- With mr. Hart?

Ugh.
He's a sadist.

- But not you.
You're a lover.

- Oh, mi amor.
Both: Je t'aime.

- I was starting
to feel floored

By how much
I was ignored.

But if flying under the radar
was my new forte,

Then being invisible was going
to have its benefits in class.

[bell ringing]

- You!

Who the hell
do you think you are?

- What do you mean?

- I mean,
who are you?

- A student
in your class.

- Wrong.
Only I can assess that.

Okay, everybody look
to your left.

Now everybody
look to your right.

The people sitting
on either side of you

Will not be there
at the end of the year.

Yes?

- That would mean that no one
would be in class.

- And that's exactly
what happened in 2009.

Yeah?

- Can I use the bathroom?

- Can you?
Probably.

May you?
No.

There's no breaks
in this life.

There's
no breaks in this class.

If you have to be human,

Do it before you walk
through my door

Or after you leave.

Because while my name
might be mr. Hart,

I don't have one.

Everybody understand?

Now, who are my quitters?

Leave now before you suffer
the consequences of staying.

You? Let's go.
Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!

Take her with you.

[whispers] hi.

Are you a crier?

Yeah.

You know
what rule number one is?

There's no crying
in this class!

Now go!
Go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go,
go, go!

For everyone else who's here,
let's get down to brass tacks.

You all think you know
who you are.

I don't care who you are.

I want to know,

Who do you want
to be?

Now, some of you may think
that you're good writers,

'cause you write
witty little musings

About taking a dump
on your facebook wall,

Or you whine about your feelings
on your blog.

[giggles]

[slaps desk] that is not
being a writer.

Writing is about
conquering your [bleep] fears.

It's about putting
onto paper

The thing that
you are most afraid to share.

Now,
for your first assignment,

I want you all to write
about your greatest fear.

And like the little pussies
you are,

Don't worry
about putting your name on it.

Just write it down.

Okay, before we dissect
all this bull[bleep],

I need you guys to look at those
release forms I passed out.

I want you
to bring those home tonight,

Get your parents
to sign them,

Or don't come back.

- This guy's a trip.
- And a nut.

Maybe my parents
would forgo their permission

So I could be released
to take drama instead.

- Okay, so let's see what kind
of losers we have this year.

"I'm afraid of failing."

Well, you don't have
to be afraid anymore,

'cause if that's
the best you got,

You've already failed.

Get out of my class.

Next one.

"I'm afraid
of my suicidal thoughts."

Do we have a potential
hemingway in the class?

Probably not.

Oh, here's a nice one.

"I'm afraid
I masturbate too much."

You do.
Don't be so obvious.

"I'm debating my fear
of life and death,

And wondering if
it should be my choice."

I guess we have a lot of
suicidal tendencies here, huh?

Which might
be a good thing,

If you're as cliche
as your fears.

Now, does anyone want
to go for the gold

And really own your fears?

Ah, my first suck up.
And you are?

- Collin.

I'm not admitting
to anything.

I just wanted to point out
that you were wrong

About the one
that's debating life and death

And whether it should
be a choice.

That's not about suicide.

- So what's it about,
professor?

- Being pregnant.

[bell ringing]

- For once, I felt
a connection to sadie.

If the rumors were true,

She was about to be branded
and left behind

As her friends moved
in a different life direction,

Like me.

Sadie?

- Yeah?

- I just want to say
that whatever's going on,

Just know that the universe
doesn't give us

What we can't handle.

- Really?
- Absolutely.

- What do you know
about life, jenna?

Nothing.
You've experienced nothing.

All you know is
how to braid your hair.

So if you want
to throw a pity party,

Do it for yourself.

You're lame.

And that is never going
to change.

Oh.
You're welcome.

- So maybe sadie
was still the same.

Or maybe
it was the hormones.

- As requested,
I have brought you home,

And walked you
to the door.

Do you want me
to come in?

- No, you're going
to be late for practice.

Better go.

- Then you're going to have
to give me back my hand.

Everything okay?

- Yeah.

No.
It's been a weird day.

I'm starting to feel
like I made a mistake

Not going away
this summer.

- Who needs europe

When you could have
the same experience

Buying a "beer of the world"
sampler at trader joe's?

- I just feel
like a different person,

And I'm scared.

- Of what?

- Being alone,
forgotten.

- Hey, you are never going
to be alone.

Okay? You have me.
Mm-hmm.

- Never say never.
- [whispers] never.

- Mom, I'll call you later.
Jenna just got home.

Yes, I promise not
to wrinkle my forehead anymore.

No, I am not
wrinkling it now.

Jenna, am I
wrinkling my forehead?

- Mm-hmm.

- Jenna said no.
Love you, bye.

Your nana is the one who
makes me wrinkle my forehead.

Uh, where are you going?

I want to hear
about your day.

- Not much to tell.
- But you're a junior.

Didn't it feel
even a little bit special?

- Nope.

- How's tamara?

Did she have a good time
in europe?

- I guess.

We didn't really
get a chance to talk.

I take that back.

We had
a couple conversations,

But they were
pretty one-sided.

She looks good, so--

- That's all
that happened today?

- There is a girl in my class
who might be pregnant.

- Do I know this girl?

- Yeah.

- Do I like her?

- Well, it depends
on the day.

- Well, you should
be nice to her.

A girl
in that situation

Needs all the friends
she can get.

- Can I go now?
- Mm-hmm.

- You must have been
reading my mind.

I was just
about to call you.

- Really?
'cause I've been worried.

- Me too.

We have never gone this long
without talking.

- Which is my fault, and I
should have called sooner, but--

- He's not into me.
- What?

- It's been three hours.

Jake and I
are in constant contact,

Unless we're sleeping.

Matty must have
said something to you.

Tell me.
I am a big girl.

[line beeping]

Hold that thought.

[click]

I am such a geek
of a freak.

It's jake.
Call you later.

- Oka--uh...

Bye.

With so many things
changing,

Some things
were still the same.

Once again,
I was blogging,

Or whining, if you will,
about my woes.

But there was something
that I didn't want to admit,

And yet,
desperate to share.

It had nothing to do
with forgetting my friends

Or them forgetting me.

It was something forgotten
one summer night,

A momentary mistake
that I had filed under denial,

A secret
that could change everything.

Because I was the one
debating a fear

Of life and death,

And I was the one wondering
if it should be my choice.

Because I didn't know
what I would choose...

- Did the condom break?
- Well, um--

- Did you even
use one?

- No.
It was just one time.

- It only takes
one time.

- I wasn't thinking.

I was just caught up...

- In the moment?
I know.

I've been there.

- I'm too nervous.
I can't read it.

- Okay,
don't be afraid.

If you're pregnant,
chances are,

You'll only be nauseous
for a month.

- Ugh, a month?
- Or three.

But the delivery
happens lickety-split.

Unless it gets stuck
in your underdeveloped hips,

And then it could
take much longer.

But you'll only have to sit
on a donut pillow

For a couple
of weeks,

Which is totally okay,

Because you probably won't
want to eat solids for a while.

It's hard to poop.

- Oh, god.
- But a baby is so amazing.

Once you get
some sleep.

God, I think
the sleep deprivation

Was worse
than the delivery.

I couldn't see straight
for months.

I really shouldn't
have been driving

With an infant
in the car.

- Mom,
you are not helping.

- I'm sorry, honey.

Don't panic.

If this is
history repeating itself,

Then I will support
whatever you decide,

And we will get
through this together.

- There is no decision,
mom.

I'm here
because of you.

And if this is history
repeating itself,

Then this baby is going
to be here because of me.

Are you going
to pass out?

- I might.

Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

You know what's funny?

- What?

- Last year,
after you found out

That I wrote the letter,

I was worried
that once you left home,

You would never
come back.

And now,
with a baby,

You'll never leave.

- Mom!

- I'm kidding.

You can leave
any time you want.

And I'll babysit.

Oh, my god.

We're having a baby?

[both screaming]

Okay.
Okay.

We are not
having a baby.

[both scream]
- I'm not pregnant.

- I never said
you were.

- Then why did
your mother call me

To recommend
a good prenatal vitamin?

- Because you're going
to have a baby...Someday.

Okay,
I was worried.

People have been talking,

And you've been
eating a lot,

And throwing up, and--

- And so what?

I've been
under a lot of stress

And full
of anxiety.

- About ricky?
- No!

[bleep] ricky.

I'm broke, okay?

My parents
lost all their money,

And if anyone
finds out,

I might have to go
to another school.

- Do you want me
to tell ricky?

- Ricky is dead to me.

- That makes
two of us.

Jake and I
d.T.R.'d last night.

- I thought you weren't about
defining anything this year.

- I was posturing.

I am way too self-absorbed
to be laissez-faire.

And, honestly,
I was just so afraid

That jake and I were never going
to french outside of France

That I was pretending I didn't
need to be commit-legit.

But who am I kidding?

I was totes
in secret spiral city

Until I knew
nothing was going to change.

- I know the feeling.

- "j," I'm sorry.
- For what?

- I've been so up
in my own grill

I've been totally m.I.A.
From you.

And I forgot
to call you back last night.

So tell me what you were
going to say.

- It's no big deal.
- Tell me.

- Seriously, it was
a false alarm.

- Tell me.

- Okay, but brace yourself,
because--

[cell phone chimes]

- [screaming]

[cell phones chiming,
girls screaming]

- It's awful, it's terrible,
it's true.

Ricky schwartz
es muerto.

He's dead.

- Next, on awkward...

- It's for a vigil, tonight.

We're gonna pay tribute
to ricky.

Or converse with the devil.

- Vigil?
I love it.

- Matty was yoloing.

I'll just tell matty
about the scare,

And we can be extra-careful.

- Everyone just needs to
step off their sad bus

While some of us
are actually mourning.

- I'm not pregnant.
Totally thought I was.

But I'm not.

So what did I miss?