Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 2, Episode 3 - Three's a Crowd - full transcript

- Previously on Awkward...
- The tape is going public?

That footage could surface
any minute,

so we can tell Jake, or he can see it
with the rest of the world.

Jenna was in love
with this other guy.

I don't wanna keep secrets from Jake.

I'm not in love
with that other guy anymore.

- Mom, do you wanna tell him?
- I wrote that letter to Jenna.

Good morning, Palos Hillers,
don't forget the assembly

in the school gym this morning.

In my role as part
of a newsome twosome,

I was learning that sometimes
I had to be led...



Rosati.

And sometimes I had to take the lead.

Relationships
were all about compromise...

And restraint.

I was trying to throw myself
into my relationship with Jake

without being the clingy
girlfriend of his past.

But like a uniboob in a sports bra,

I was the one being confined...
By my ex.

He just couldn't accept rejection.

Holla!

V.P. Marks is in the house!

Hey, your grandpa called.
He wants his shirt back.

Yo, shorty, why don't you
try growing a few inches?

Hey, val, why'd you get
your hair cut?



It looks stupid.

Bullying is no laughing matter.

I wanna thank you all for coming
to this required assembly.

I am pumped to kick off
anti-bully awareness week,

which culminates
with our 5k on Friday.

Anyone acting like a bully this week

will receive a Scarlet "B"

and report to my office for
some serious V.P. discipline.

It stands for vice principal,

my new position, which is no joke.

And neither is dancing for a cause.

Please welcome Palos Hills Choreo Club:
Zeus Troupe.

Whoo, go, T!

Way to show off
the honey pot, ladies.

♪ ♪

Ricky!

Ricky, you are a scum dumpster!

I'm gonna kick your ass!
Let's take it outside!

Ricky, I swear!

Let's take it outside!

Ricky!
Let's take it outside!

And Matty wasn't the only one
who couldn't let go.

How does that Ricky Schwartz
guy pull so much tail?

- Girls are into cheese.
- No, he's just relentless.

Like Matty, my life had become
a series of new complications.

- Lunch off campus?
- Yeah, good with me. Jenna?

My boyfriend's boy friend
was my secret ex,

and I wasn't sure how to remove
the third wheel from my relationship.

- Great!
- Cool. See you later.

Matty's been acting weird
lately. Have you noticed?

It was hard not to.
Matty was always around.

Do you think he's depressed?

Yeah.
It's probably nothing.

But you're something: Adorable.

Oh, now I'm worried about Matty.

Don't.
He's not your problem.

Matty's my problem.

He's depressed, and it's my fault.

I chose Jake,
and now we can't be alone

without Matty tagging along
trying to tempt me.

The whole situation is weird.

Get over you.
He's not trying to temp you.

He probably feels like the BBF.

Backburner friend.
And I can relate.

Ever since you found Jake

and Ming joined the mafia,
I've been...

I didn't put you on the backburner.

You've been so saran-wrapped
around Jake,

you can't even see it.

I'm not clingy.
Matty is.

Do you want me to be the BBF?

Because I can do that and tell
you what you wanna hear.

No, I want the BFF treatment.

Here it is: Nobody likes a cling-on.

Including my panini.

That's right, I have camel toe.

Soak it in.

Looks like your unitard

is already doing the job.

As Tamara prepared to own up
to her behavior,

I was left to process mine.

Was I unintentionally
being cruel to Matty

by clinging on to Jake?

Give me some space!

Tamara, this is Mrs. Karey.

She's our new guidance
counselor, in training.

You should feel comfortable
opening up to her,

but not so open that you feel exposed

because Mrs. Karey hasn't been
fully vetted just yet.

We don't even know
if that's her real name.

So, Tamara, clearly
you have some issues

relating to Mr. Richard Schwartz.

Yes. Ricky's a piece of [Bleep].

Sounds like you're angry.

That is an understatement.

The pig was publically
deep-throating some skankster.

I believe my response
was appropriate.

Anger is not the answer.

Sometimes we need
a gentle reminder to not let

other people get the better of us.

You're gonna have to be punished
for your behavior.

I went full-metal sequins
in front of the entire school.

Don't you think
the embarrassment on my outburst

is punishment enough?

Yes. And it's gonna take until
the next public nip slip

for you to live it down.

But I have an example to set.

In my new role...

I am responsible
for disciplinary action.

Which is none
of Mrs. Karey's business,

so I'm gonna write it down.

You'll pay me 20 bucks?

I can maybe get 30
by the end of the day.

That would be a bribe,

which would be wrong to take
in either role.

It's illegal... and not nearly
enough money.

Tamara, you will be volunteering
for the 5k run/walk

because you acted like a bully,
and you need to run it off.

I should suspend her.

It's a lot of paperwork.

Hi, I'm a bully working on
letting go of my anger.

Please sign up for the 5k

to help put kids like me in my place.

- You have to read that?
- Yeah.

Every day at lunch.

Hey, Hamilton, you coming to lunch?

Do you want me to stay and help?

I don't want you to feel
like a backburner friend.

I would only relegate a BBF
to working this lame event.

Plus Ming can get me, like,

200 signatures
with her mafia connections,

- so you're off the hook.
- Thanks, t.

But, as your BFF, I must remind you,

be kind.

Don't rub your new romance
in Matty's face.

Nobody likes a Ricky.

I'm not a Ricky.

I didn't wanna rub my relationship

or anything else in Matty's face.

And to prove my point,
I took the back seat...

♪ ♪

I shared my better half...

♪ ♪

And I gave up control.

I was cramped, hungry,
and hot... in the wrong way.

In my attempt
to spare Matty's feelings,

I had sacrificed mine.

My ménage à trois had become
a ménage à faux pas.

I was being constantly reminded

of my lingering attraction to Matty.

But thankfully, three
was a magic number at home

on a good day.

So dad's working late...
Again.

He's just been trying to get
ahead of his crazy workload.

My mom could make excuses all night,

but I knew the truth.

Ever since my dad found out that she

was behind the carefrontation,
he had been avoiding her.

And by avoiding her, I was
getting the residual shaft too.

I think he needs to relax,
take the stress off,

which is why I got him
a special surprise.

You bought dad a hot tub?

It's for the whole family to enjoy.

A hot tub equaled one thing:
Desperation.

My mom was desperate
for my father's attention,

and her secret weapon always involved

less clothing and more skin.

Hello?

I'm signing your parents up
for the 5k.

- Is that cool?
- Is that your dad?

It's Tamara, she wants to know
if you'll run

the 5k against bullies on Friday.

I don't like to sweat in public,

but I'll be happy to make a donation.

Oh, it's so hard to get people
excited about running.

- How was lunch?
- Matty took his shirt off

while playing a video game.
Who does that?

You know, I hate to admit this,
but Matty might be trying to homewreck you.

And I know this because right now,

I'm plotting to wreck Ricky.

No, Matty's not that kind of guy.

Maybe, maybe not.

Rejection brings out the dark side.

Believe me, I know.

I am fully aware that I'm
a loose Cannon right now,

and Matty might be too.

There's no way he's trying
to overtly hurt my relationship.

Jake's his best friend.

Well, I hope you're right,
but pay attention.

When are you hanging out
with Hottie Rosati again?

Tonight, he's coming over
to watch a movie.

- Or get in the hot tub!
- Or get in the hot tub.

Hot tub?
When did you get a hot tub?

- When my mom got desperate.
- I heard that.

My parents are fighting.

Well, if Matty ends up sitting

across from you in it,
then you'll know.

Know what?

That he's trying to sabotage you.

If there's one thing
Matty's not, it's a saboteur.

There's no way he's gonna
wind up in my hot tub.

Let's crank up the heat!

We didn't need to.
I was already boiling.

{pub}Sorry, I thought
we were gonna watch a movie.

He invited himself.

It was clear Matty
wasn't just clinging on to me.

He was clinging on to Jake.

Because if he couldn't have me,
he didn't want Jake to either.

It was textbook sabotage.

- Dude, did you pee?
- No.

I did not pee.

Jenna, can I talk to you?

Gladly.

Why are you sneaking in
through the back door?

I wasn't sneaking.

I was just trying to avoid your mom.

That's sneaking.

Hold up, who's the dad here?

When did we get a hot tub,
and what are you doing in it

with your boyfriend
and your ex-boyfriend?

Secret ex-boyfriend,
and the title's debatable.

We never fully DTR'd.

Jenna, spare me the details.
I don't wanna know them.

What I do wanna know is
why we have a hot tub.

It was mom's idea,
and she suggested we use it.

Why are you listening to your mom?

Because you've been m.I.A.

So can you please stick around

and help me get Matty out of here?

So you can be alone
with your boyfriend?

No.

But I will do you one better.

Did someone just pee?

That would be me.

♪ ♪

Oh!

- It's getting late.
- Okay.

Yeah, and I'm his ride.
Thanks for the invite.

Thanks for having us.

♪ ♪

You might as well have bought
our daughter a sex swing.

Take it back.

T., you were right.

Matty's totally trying
to homewreck my relationship,

and it's working.

I haven't had a moment alone
with Jake in over a week.

I knew it.

It takes a saboteur
to know a saboteur.

Although Matty's a little
more amateur hour than I am.

Hi, I'm a bully who needs
to work on her anger.

Sign here if you think
Ricky Schwartz is a douche.

What did I say about personal space?

Tamara, this is school outreach,
not school outrage.

You were supposed to be signing
people up for the 5k,

not "Ricky Schwartz can kiss my ass."

I'm doing a public service.
A lot of people are outraged.

Ricky Schwartz used me
for rides at band practice,

and I'm not just talking
about the chair.

Ricky Schwartz
called us all beautiful,

so we would cup his balls.

Ricky Schwartz said
I'd look sexy with bangs.

I don't.

You have got to stop this.

Suspension paperwork is no joke.

I have to fill out
the front and the back.

You are supposed to be shadowing me!

Not overshadowing me!

You are such a novice.
Paper leaves a trail.

Start an anonymous Twitter campaign.

- You've gotta go big or go home.
- Which should be your motto.

You're the only reason
we're having this event.

It should be called
the Sadie Saxton walk/run,

and you could sure use the cardio.

- She didn't mean that.
- Oh, yes, she did.

And normally,
I would rip her to shreds,

but she's angry, and I get it.

People will tell you to let go
of your anger,

but anger can be a great motivator.

If you wanna sabotage someone,
you have to be smart.

Find out what their Achilles
heel is, and cut into it.

You're a pro at cutting.

You can show her.

Now watch the master work.
Take Lissa.

Some would say she rejected me,

but I would say she doesn't
wanna be replaced.

You are so pretty, we should

totally hang out on my dad's boat.

- Really?
- No. But watch.

Lissa will be turning around
to look at us

in three... two... one.

Bitch had a point.

Matty didn't want me to replace him.

So if I was going to get him
to back down,

I would have to engage
in major display of PDA,

and I would do it by...

Taking the front seat...

Not sharing my better half...

♪ ♪

And regaining control.

♪ ♪

- I think I'm gonna head out.
- Bye.

Yeah, I'll call you later, man.

I finally beat Matty at his own game.

Sadie was right.
Anger was a great motivator.

You've been really
affectionate lately.

You bring it out in me.

Yeah, I often drive women
wild with desire.

And while I'm really loving
what's happening here,

um, uh, I think I know
what's really going on.

It's Matty.

- I know you don't like him.
- No, no, no, that's not it.

It's okay.

He can be really standoffish
at first,

but once you get to know him
like I know him,

you'll love him.

That was the problem.

If Jake knew just how well
I knew Matty, he wouldn't love me.

I love you.
I'll always love you.

I'm just gonna stay at your
grandparents' for a few days.

You're just gonna sit there
and let him leave?

He just needs a little space.

Everyone could use a little space.

Everyone but me.

While I didn't like being
suffocated in my relationship,

I could have used
a little less oxygen at home.

See, this is what I was afraid of.

You're putting Jenna in the middle.

- Lacey, you put her there.
- No, I made a mistake.

You always said my ability
to take risks

was what you love most about me.

This isn't about getting
a butterfly tattoo.

You almost ruined
our daughter's life.

My life isn't ruined.

I'm fine.

But you'll ruin it if you
leave me alone with a bully.

God.

No one gets to escape if I don't.

{pub}Don't worry.

I've been to this a few times
with my parents,

and the first separation never takes.

If he was really leaving,

there would be some sort
of grand gesture.

My parents took me to Disney world.

If you get a car,
then they're getting a divorce.

I wish I could get Matty a car,

so Jake and I could divorce him.

Keep the car.

Use it to run him over.

Tamara was on to something,

but maybe there was an easier way

to get Matty out of my hair.

One that wouldn't give me 50 to life.

- Hey, we need to talk.
- Yeah, we do.

Apparently he was up to speed

on the intent of those four words,

so I didn't have to waste time
with gentle pleasantries.

I could go aggro.

Would you please butt out
of my relationship

and stop trying to seduce me?

- What are you talking about?
- The winks.

The "accidental" touching.

Nuding up every chance you get.

You have nice abs, I get it.

You think I'm trying
to lure you away from Jake?

- Yes!
- You're crazy.

Like I wanna hang out with you guys?

No, no, Jake wants me to.

I am trying to make it
as normal as possible,

but it is hard with you
always being so...

- Don't say it.
- Clingy.

I am not clingy.

- You're the cling-on.
- Hate to break it to you,

but the only new variable
in this relationship is you.

I've been hanging with Jake
since I was ten.

- Don't walk away from me!
- Just trying to be friends.

We were never friends!

There will be no yelling
in this hallway!

You're still my girl.
See you at the 5k.

Could it be that the person
sabotaging my relationship

with Jake was me?

If Matty was telling the truth,

then Matty wasn't
the third wheel, I was.

{pub}Come on, ladies.

It'll be the best threesome
of your life.

Girl on girl on Ricky.

Okay, that won't help.

All of your efforts to bully him
have backfired.

You've only made him more popular.

Hey!

Thanks for the advice,
but it sucked balls.

It didn't work.

Says who?

Son of a bitch, you played me!

You're welcome.

♪ ♪

Hey!

What is with the hooker shoes
around the kids?

This is a track, not a stripper poll.

You're fired!

♪ ♪

This is adult business, okay?

You wouldn't understand...
It.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Matty told me that you guys talked.

What did he say?

That you and I might need
to spend some time together.

Alone.

So let's hang tonight.

Feel free to bring

more of that "can't get
enough of Jake" action.

Mm, I don't know if you heard,

but Tamara and I are bullies in need

of a serious attitude makeover

that only frozen yogurt can provide.

So you hang out with Matty
tonight without me.

You don't need a clingy girlfriend,
and I don't need to be one.

Maybe I like being clung to.

Hey, you wanna walk
this thing or what?

Not really.
We're off the hook.

Oh, thank God.

- Pizza?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna change, I'll meet you
in the parking lot.

Mwah.

I'm sorry for acting crazy.

I thought you were trying
to sabotage my relationship.

It's cool.

All right, let's get
this 5k party started!

Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

I'm being forced to walk this

because I yelled at you.

Good.

- Nice job, McKibben.
- What?

You were totally sabotaging them.

I know the signs.

♪ ♪

What are you doing here?

Getting a little exercise
for a good cause.

Nobody likes a bully.

Who yells at her boyfriend's friends.

Or writes harsh letters
to her daughter.

Your dad left today.

He's at grandma's.

It's not just for a few days, is it?

No.

♪ ♪

Hey, beautiful!

Yeah, you better run!